More Mindless Stories on ‘dina lohan’
Feb
26
26
Dina Compares Lindsay to Scarlett
I won’t lie I don’t like it when Dina Lohan quotes get past me. Like a stamp collector, I like to see and hear all Dina Lohan quotes and then place them in a sticker book because that’s what I assume stamp collectors do. Huh? Anyway, my biggest celebrity crush, Dina Lohan, was talking to E! Online about her daughter, Lindsay No Pants, and then got all hell bent on Scarlett Johannnson. Here’s what the Dinasaur said:
“Scarlett Johannson goes to clubs and no one cares about it. But if Lindsay goes to a club, it is world news.”
Oh my dearest Dinasaur. I’m pretty sure Lindsay is not in the same league as Scarlett. First off, Scarlett is, thank God, not covered from head to toe in freckles. Second, I do not believe that Scarlett appears to be a club crack whore. She could be, I just can’t be sure. Third, Scarlett performs wonderfully in movies that are nominated for real awards and Lindsay films movies that win razzies. When Scarlett goes out to “the clubs” (as the kids call it) she does not get photographed doing the following: falling into her car, falling out of her car, passed out in the passengers seat, screaming into the paparazzi cameras, chasing her friends and friends mothers up and down the Pacific Coast Highway, crashing her car while under the influence, and most importantly again – covered in freckles. Once those things happen then we can start to compare them. Until then, it’s like comparing apples to freckly oranges (which Lindsay sometimes does appear as…freckly and orange).
I still love you though, my little tanned Dinasaur!
Dina Compares Lindsay to Scarlett
Jan
18
18
This Time Last Year: Dina Lohan
Memories, like the corners of my mind. I’d like to reintroduce a new little segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with Dina Lohan and IBBB this time last year…
Yeee-haw! Dina Lohan is fightin’ mad and she’s gonna tip over her trailer in anger (…and cue the shotgun sound effect). Dina Lohan, friend and mother of Lindsay No Pants, recently spoke with Entertainment Tonight and blamed the media for being relentless in pursuing poor little Lindsay. Dina said,
“Lindsay is under a microscope. The media puts this ridiculousness out there. The helicopters are outside of our apartment. I mean, this child can’t even go out to Starbucks without someone saying, ‘Oh her hair looks…”
Well said Dina, well said. Your statement makes me think that you read my blog. Now if someone said, “her hair makes it look like the carpet doesn’t match the drapes” then that was actually probably me. Yeah, that was definitely me. By the way, the “media” may put this “ridiculousness out there,” but the media is also helping to put a ridiculous amount of cash-money in your daughters pocket and by ‘daughters pocket’ I actually mean your pocket. First, because your daughter doesn’t have pockets since she never seems to wear pants and, second, because you know some of that money goes to you too.
Dina continued her rant by saying she thought the tabloids broke up the marriage of Nick and Jessica too. There’s a lot of blame out there, Dina, but who do you blame for painting “witch-like” eyebrows on your face?
This Time Last Year: Dina Lohan
Nov
14
14
A Couple of Lohans
Let’s face it America (and East Germany) Lindsay Lohan is a bore. However, you know what’s not a bore? An alternative Lohan and Dina and a gumball machine. Now that’s fun. Dina hasn’t been around so many balls since her night out at Hyde on Tuesday! Oh! Stop me if you heard this before! Anyway, Lindsay’s little sister who is 13, yet looks 20, is at a photoshoot by Albert Ferriera at the Lohan house the day before Halloween. I’m shocked to see Dina jumping in the photos too. Hmmm. Odd. Luckily she’s wearing her skin tight jeans and trendy sweater just for the hell of it.
The house may have been decorated for Halloween, but you know that police tape on the front door was the remains from the last fight that Dina and Michael Lohan got in. The cobwebs on the bushes, you ask? My money is on the cobwebs being from Dina’s crotch. Yup, I absolutely went there. If Lindsay is going to remain sober then this is the crap that you’re going to have to read. Blame her, not me.
P.S –> Hey Ali, you better be on your hands and knees every day thanking your sweet Jesus that the family freckles seemed to have skipped you. Praise God! Yes! Praise God!
Oct
11
11
Lindsay and Her Box. Clever.
I’ve received many emails asking why I haven’t commented on Lindsay being out of rehab. My thought process is pretty basic and I’ve stated it before. “A sober Lindsay is a boring Lindsay.” While Lindsay remains sober over the next few weeks, I predict that there won’t be a lot for me to write about. I am, however, keeping my fingers crossed that Dina Lohan gets busted for something…or maybe even gets some horrible plastic surgery. Anyway, once I saw this recent photo of Lindsay and her box outside in Utah I figured, how could I not comment.
Rumors are swirling (I don’t know how they “swirl” but whatever) that Lindsay has shit-canned Dina as her manager. However, TMZ.com has contacted Dina’s reps and they stated, “Dina remains Lindsay’s manager and, more importantly, her mother.” Thanks retards! What do they mean “and, more importantly, her mother.” It’s not like Lindsay can fire her as her mother. Divorce, sure. Fired, not possible.
Oct
08
08
Michael Lohan to Marry Lindsay Lohan?
Well by now we already know that Lindsay has been freed from Camp Rehab in Utah after reuniting with her father, Michael Lohan. I can’t wait to see Lindsay tackle her newly found soberism (is that a word?) one party in LA at a time. Anyway, I didn’t know that Michael and Lindsay were about to get married!?! Is it a little creepy that Michael’s girlfriend looks a lot like his daughter, you know, minus about 34,645 freckles? Is it even creepier that Michael is sporting a Bill Cosby sweater and Michael Jackson shoes? M. Lo and his girlfriend were reportedly shopping at Zales for an engagement ring. Hey big spender!
Anyway, I can see Lindsay’s NYC apartment from my apartment window and always run towards the window because I think I see Lindsay standing pantsless in front of her window. Alas, it is not Lindsay, just a reflection of the sun setting.
What must Dina think about all this? I haven’t heard from her in a while, so I will send this message to her (via the music of Lindsay’s “Confessions of a Broken Heart a.k.a Daughter to Father):
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina,
I am missing you, but I am hoping,
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina,
I am crying, ok I am lying,
Cuz these are, these are
The confessions of a ghetto blog.
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina,
I don’t know you, but I still want to
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina
Tell me the truth,
Do you ever read me
Do you ever read me
Cuz these are, these are the confessions of a ghetto blog
End scene.
Michael Lohan to Marry Lindsay Lohan?
