More Mindless Stories on ‘dina lohan’
10
Dina Lohan Heads to Court, Does Her Best “Anna Nicole Going to Court” Impression
Well isn’t this like looking into an opposites crystal ball! Blessed Mother Dina Lohan was all sass and no frass while heading into court yesterday to face Father Michael Lohan and try to get her some of that child support money because, you know, Linds aint payin’ da billz, yo! Dinasaur Lohan is claiming that she hasn’t received child support in over one year, which is odd because I assumed that Michael Lohan’s annual bonus would cover that. No? Doesn’t have a job? Oh. Cashing in his 401K? No? Doesn’t have one? Oh. Savings account? Zip? Yowza. Selling his collection of Garbage Pail Kids? Already sold them? Oh. Oh well. Well Dinasaur can’t make ends meet with her dancing tips or extensions sales and, well, the littlest ginger Lohan may need braces so cough it up Michael!
I hope Dina doesn’t end up like Anna Nicole. You know, dead. Just wanted to make sure we were all on the same page with that. Screw you, Rusty!
21
Dance Dina, Dance!
www.myspace.com/ImBringingBloggingBack
18
A Very Special Lohan New York City Party
15
Dina Lohan is Like a Broken Record. A Blond Broken Record. A Blond Broken Record Who Dresses Like a Teenager With Fake Hair.
Alright. I love me some Dinasaur Lohan. Clearly. But is there any chance she can stop saying the same crap over and over (and over) again about why she did her reality show? The Dinasaur and Ali (who is obviously pushing retirement age) were on the CBS Early Show, which apparently is still on the air, to defend their reality show “Living Lohan.” Here’s what Dinasaur had to say (please read this with a deep, deep voice):
“The only reason why I did the show originally was to diffuse the rumors. The press for two years was really horrific on us. Ali is a talented artist. I have two sons as well who have nothing to do with the business. I think at that point, you know, there’s such a weird perception of Hollywood families and we’re so not like that. We’re just normal people.”
Good thinking, Dinasaur! Nothing gets you away from the press and the spotlight quite like being in a reality show and then going on a press tour. Brilliant!
Ali, on the other hand, stated that she wanted to do the show in order to prove to people that at 14 years old she did not have a nose job. No really. She said that. Is getting a show that easy these days because if it is I’m all in. I’m heading over to E! and pitching a reality show on this basis: “I want a show to prove to everyone that I do other things than blog.” I’m just kidding. I don’t do other things.
05
Dina Lohan Blows Off Bravo A List Awards
While the Bravo A-List Awards dragged on last night I began to wonder why I was still there. Then I hear the announcer say, “Ladies and gentlemen, Dina and Ali Lohan!” I perk up and psyched and actually say the words out loud, “I F’n love Dina.” There I said it. I said it. I own it. I’m fine with it. Then Kathy Griffin comes out shaking her head. No Dina? Nope. Kathy told us that the class act that is Dina Lohan called at 3:00 to cancel her appearance. The red carpet started at like 5 and the show started taping around 7:00. I was so disappointed there was no Dina and Ali, but then Kathy decided that since they weren’t there she was going to talk smack about them….and then did for about 5 minutes. It was great. They even placed placement card of Dina and Ali on chairs up in the front since they weren’t there.02
Lindsay Lohan’s Magical Asthma!
Watch out behind you Lindsay! Freddie Kruger doesn’t care if you’re at the hospital due to asthma related symptoms….he’ll slash your freckly ass!
Holy spellcheck Dina! First off I am the WORST speller in the world, clearly. But if I was writing something to People Magazine, I would press F7 before sending out that letter and spell check it up!
27
That’s My Nana Lohan!
So time to confess. Who tuned in to watch “Living Lohan” last night? You know you did. So did I. While most people were ready to trash it, I was ready for it to be my summer filler until The Hills comes back in August. Here are my thoughts on what went down on the first crapisode of “Living Lohan” which I will now be calling “That’s My Nana Lohan!”
Why is everything in this episode blurred out? Everything on the kitchen counter is blurred out, the TV shows they’re watching are blurred out, the magazine Dina holds up is blurred out, the websites they’re looking at are blurred out. Legit, everything is blurred out…..everything except, Nana Lohan, who is my new favorite character on TV. I wouldn’t F with her. She’s like Yo Jong Kim…..only tougher.
You know how Tyra makes it a point on her show to always talk about herself? Yeah, well this show is sorta like that, but instead of talking about themselves they all constantly being up Lindsay. Constantly.
So is anyone going to mention that Ali looks like Helen Hunt or should I just do it? I don’t care that she’s 14…..she’s annoying. Her voice is killing me just when she talks so why would I want to hear it sing? Ugh, and listening to Dina confront the “record label” who also co-produce the show “Living Lohan” makes me want to slap Dina with a dead fish across the face. Ali wants to sing hip-hop and Dina wants to basically bang Jeremy the “producer” who she also manages and by manages I mean “does dirty boom boom with.”
Speaking of “Jeremy” what the hell was Dina talking about when she said she was online and he just randomly IM’d her and had no clue who he was. Uh, do you know how IM works? I doubt he just”guessed” Dina’s IM screen-name, although I’m sure it’s on every bathroom stall across LA and Long Island. This show is so staged. It really is like The Hills!
We get to follow Dina out to a restaurant to eat with some random judge, follow Dina taking random items out of her car such as cases of water and a bag of groceries, and basically just follow Dina around her life. Oh, and Ali is kinda in it to. For me, the highlight of the entire episode was when they announced that they Google themselves every day and read all the blogs. The good news for me is that IBBB is the #1 image search in Google when you Google “Nana Lohan.” Score! Hopefully Dina will be reading this and if she is, I love the show and want your IM screen-name. Can I interview Nana Lohan? I love her. How many freckles does Lindsay have? Why does Ali sound like Tony Danza? These are just some of the questions I would IM to Dina and ask Nana Lohan.
Oh, and other stuff happened in the show, but it’s pointless to write about…kinda like the show.
22
Reasons I Like Dina and Ali Lohan
This picture speaks volumes. Luckily, my volume is on mute. Anyway, in case you’ve been living in a cave, Dina Lohan and Ali Lohan are technically conducting a major media shitstorm to promote the absolute piss out of their new reality show, which I believe is called “New Ways Stage Mothers Can Shorten a Child’s Life.” I love it. I actually can’t wait to see their new show.
It’s so painfully awkward to watch Ali interact with her mom during interviews together because everyone only wants to talk about Lindsay being a whore-like train wreck or how F’d up Dina is for doing this and before Ali can give her opinion she always has to look over to her mom in an absolute panicky terror. You know one wrong answer and Dina is busting out the wire hangers to beat this little bitch down.
06
When WE TV Has an Event, All the Stars Come Out
Ring the alarm! When WE TV has an event, all the a-listers come out to show their support. WE TV was hosting a panel discussion and having a screening for their new show that’s getting a ton of buzz called, “High School Confidential.” This reality/documentary has been filming for 4-years and followed the lives of high school students and their trials and tribulations. Ok, now that business is taken care of let’s move on to exactly showed up to this.05
Dina Lohan’s Reality Show: Living Lohan
Anyway, my #1 celebrity crush (sorry girl who played “Katie” on “Gimme a Break”) Dina Lohan is ready to amaze the world with her frightfully tanned life on the E! Network. Other Lohan’s that plan on making appearances include little Ali who wants to act and sing (yowza) and her two brothers who I don’t feel the need to name unless they have a massive amount of freckles. Dina and crew have already filmed enough for a few episodes, but is going to start filming even more starting on March 17th in New York!!!! Everyone, pray to your form of a Jesus that I run into her on the streets of NYC. I will do my best to romance her by providing her with the following: tanning coupons, hair bleach, gum shiners, and some moonshine (as I assume she drinks it).
Bring on Dina-palooza 2008!
26
Dina Compares Lindsay to Scarlett
Dina Compares Lindsay to Scarlett
18
This Time Last Year: Dina Lohan
This Time Last Year: Dina Lohan
14
A Couple of Lohans
Let’s face it America (and East Germany) Lindsay Lohan is a bore. However, you know what’s not a bore? An alternative Lohan and Dina and a gumball machine. Now that’s fun. Dina hasn’t been around so many balls since her night out at Hyde on Tuesday! Oh! Stop me if you heard this before! Anyway, Lindsay’s little sister who is 13, yet looks 20, is at a photoshoot by Albert Ferriera at the Lohan house the day before Halloween. I’m shocked to see Dina jumping in the photos too. Hmmm. Odd. Luckily she’s wearing her skin tight jeans and trendy sweater just for the hell of it.
The house may have been decorated for Halloween, but you know that police tape on the front door was the remains from the last fight that Dina and Michael Lohan got in. The cobwebs on the bushes, you ask? My money is on the cobwebs being from Dina’s crotch. Yup, I absolutely went there. If Lindsay is going to remain sober then this is the crap that you’re going to have to read. Blame her, not me.
11
Lindsay and Her Box. Clever.
I’ve received many emails asking why I haven’t commented on Lindsay being out of rehab. My thought process is pretty basic and I’ve stated it before. “A sober Lindsay is a boring Lindsay.” While Lindsay remains sober over the next few weeks, I predict that there won’t be a lot for me to write about. I am, however, keeping my fingers crossed that Dina Lohan gets busted for something…or maybe even gets some horrible plastic surgery. Anyway, once I saw this recent photo of Lindsay and her box outside in Utah I figured, how could I not comment.
Rumors are swirling (I don’t know how they “swirl” but whatever) that Lindsay has shit-canned Dina as her manager. However, TMZ.com has contacted Dina’s reps and they stated, “Dina remains Lindsay’s manager and, more importantly, her mother.” Thanks retards! What do they mean “and, more importantly, her mother.” It’s not like Lindsay can fire her as her mother. Divorce, sure. Fired, not possible.
08
Michael Lohan to Marry Lindsay Lohan?
Well by now we already know that Lindsay has been freed from Camp Rehab in Utah after reuniting with her father, Michael Lohan. I can’t wait to see Lindsay tackle her newly found soberism (is that a word?) one party in LA at a time. Anyway, I didn’t know that Michael and Lindsay were about to get married!?! Is it a little creepy that Michael’s girlfriend looks a lot like his daughter, you know, minus about 34,645 freckles? Is it even creepier that Michael is sporting a Bill Cosby sweater and Michael Jackson shoes? M. Lo and his girlfriend were reportedly shopping at Zales for an engagement ring. Hey big spender!
Blogger to Dina, Blogger to Dina,
End scene.
Michael Lohan to Marry Lindsay Lohan?
