More Mindless Stories on ‘destiny's child’
12
2001…Throw Your Hands Up At Me
Beyonce? Are the Friends really friends? Dust off your “Say My Name” single because Destiny’s Child is together again. Sure they’re not making a new album or anything, but they did come together for Kelly Rowland’s 28th birthday at Opera in LA the other night. I’m not surprised that “The Other One” made it to the party, but am a little shocked that Beyonce took time out of her schedule to sing Happy Birthday to Kelly. I’m sure Beyonce started out by singing Happy Birthday, but then turned it into a mix of “At Last,” “Single Ladies,” and “If I Were a Boy.” Then I’m sure they handed Beyonce and award at the party and offered her a movie role to play another “famous woman in history” so that she can finally win that Oscar that she’s been chasing since her days as Foxy Cleopatra in Austin Powers. I’ll take a breath now.
21
Does Beyonce’s Charity Work Include Reuniting Destiny’s Child?
“This current spate of reunions has given us ideas. Despite what people say we are all still really close. A couple of weeks ago Beyonce did a show in Los Angeles and asked me and Michelle (Williams) to join her on stage for Survivor. It was a real tearjerker. The fans were crying and going nuts. I’d definitely like us to do more stuff like that. As ever, Beyonce and I will spend Christmas Day together. It will be a real family affair.
Yes, Kelly, you will be joining Beyonce for Christmas Day, but I would double check your plans because I believe that Beyonce has hired you for service. Probably clean up and food prep. Eh, it’s not that bad. At least you’ll get to work in a mansion and rub elbows and mustaches with Tina Knowles.
I’ll be waiting for the announcement of a Destiny’s Child reunion. In honor of that I will play “Say My Name, Say My Name” on repeat in my CD player and will sing “Bootylicious” to every fatass that I see on the street. You’re welcome Kelly, you’re welcome.
30
What’s My Name, What’s My Name
Seeing pictures of Kelly Rowland got me to thinking about a bunch of different things. First off, I thought about how much I missed Destiny’s Child singing about their fat asses, breaking their lease so they can’t move, it’s 11:30 and the party’s jumpin’ jumpin’, and singing no no no no no when it’s really yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah. I realized that other members of Destiny’s Child on their own really bore me. To me, they’re kinda like a sober Lindsay Lohan. Pointless. Then I got to thinking how Kelly Rowland masters the spandex unitard, yes “unitard” without showing a glimpse of the cameltoe. That really disappoints me. Now if that was Beyonce in the unitard it would have been so tight I would have been able to tell what day of her period she was on. What?
Anyway, Kelly Rowland was “in concert” in London singing her greatest hits such as…..uh…and her other huge song…er….and then she closed with…umm. I would have been fine with her singing “Say My Name” on repeat. I miss Destiny’s Child. They better get their asses back in that recording studio. My iPod is missing them.
What’s My Name, What’s My Name
27
Beyonce Later Wrapped Vegetables in Her Dress and Grilled It
Beyonce won some big ass awards last night at the BET Awards. Beyonce took home “Video of the Year” for “Irreplaceable” and was also named best R&B Artist. However, just to rub it in Beyonce’s face, Jennifer Hudson also won two awards; “Best New Artist” and “Female Actress.” Looks like Beyonce got the shaft again in the actress category. I mean she got looked over for her role in Austin Powers a few years ago and then she got looked over again for her role in Dream Girls. What’s a bugaboo to do? Speaking of which, Destiny’s Child reunited last night, although I’m thinking it was only done so that Beyonce could show how much better she was doing than the other two. I say bring back Destiny’s Child. Hell, even add a 4th member again and re-release “Say My Name.” Bring back the year 2000. That was a good year for me. Wait, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, Beyonce has on enough tin foil to grill 250 pounds of vegetables. I bet it was hot to the touch.
10
Was Nelly Furtado in Destiny’s Child?
Nelly Furtado has a new song out that I’m really like called, “Say it Right.” I mean I can’t really understand one word that she’s saying in it because it sounds like she’s grunting, but hey, that’s pretty hot. Anyway, after watching the video for the one-thousandth time I said to myself, “self, why does this video seem so familiar?” And then BAM! I figured it out. The video for “Say it Right” has some hint’s of the video “Say My Name” by Destiny’s Child.Both videos have a little something I like to call “dance-move-freeze” in it.
Now, what is “dance-move-freeze” you ask? Great question. “Dance-move-freeze” is when you do some type of quick dance-move or motion to the beat of the song and then FREEZE! You move you hand a certain way to the beat of the song and then FREEZE. You look in the camera a certain way to the beat of the song and then FREEZE! While “Say My Name” is almost all “dance-move-freeze,” Say it Right definitely has it’s fair share of “dance move freeze” too from both Nelly Furtado and the back-up dancers. Was Nelly Furtado ever in Destiny’s Child? I’m doing the research as we speak/type.With all the “dance-move-freeze” going on I can almost hear that dance teacher chick from this seasons “Making the Band” yelling “Boom Cat, Boom Boom Cat” in the background of both videos. They should totally combine songs and videos and rename it “Say My Name Right.” Brilliant!
While this isn’t breaking news it does go to show one thing. I am a freakin’ genius. You have to wake up pretty early in the afternoon to pull one over on me, Nelly Furtado! I wonder how many other videos have “dance-move-freeze” in them? The great philosophers are pondering that right now.
