More Mindless Stories on ‘david beckham’
Mar
30
30
David Beckham Mocks His Wife’s Hairdo
David Beckham wanted to show his wife, Poshtoria, how stupid her haircut was so he went out and got the same exact haircut so she would have to look at it every day too. Brilliant move. Both of them are, in some way, really paying respect to Carol Brady, but that’s a whole different story. David and Poshtoria were at the Sports Industry Awards (2007) the other day. I hope he one for “Girliest Hairdo.” What? That’s a real award.In other David Beckham news, D. Beck is no longer the highest paid soccer player. Ronaldinho, the two-time world player of the year, just scored the $30 million salary. Tough break Beckham. I don’t know how you’re going to live on just $25 million. Good luck. Next time learn how to kick the ball, dumbass.
In other Poshtoria Beckham news, US Weekly has written a nice open letter to Poshtoria requesting that she start wearing a bra. To quote them, “It is obvious to us that the bra may be a foreign concept to you, much like American football, or the good sense to avoid Tom Cruise, so allow us to explain: You’re a 32-year-old woman with perky breasts that apparently like to breathe. But keep shunning that bra and in five years you’ll end up with pendulums hanging off your clavicle that hubby David Beckham might mistake for soccer ball bags.”
Wow you really got her, US Weekly (insert sarcastic overtone here ____)! Actually, thanks for ruining it for the rest of us. If Poshtoria wore a bra all the time, how in the hell would we ever know if there was going to be 6 more weeks of winter? Thanks for nothing.
Mar
09
09
Poshtoria Takes Grandpa for a Walk
Poshtoria was busy taking her Grandpa for a walk while she was also shopping in Madrid, Spain. Grandpa Beckham had his high-tech cane with him as he dragged his wife out of Yves Saint Lauren. See now for complete full-effect I would have no opted to use a cane, but I would have gone all out and used a walker. You know? The kind of walker that has two tennis balls on the bottom of it so it doesn’t drag against the ground. Yeah, that’s totally what I would have done.
In Friday Poshtoria Beckham news, Poshtoria has stated that not being able to always see her husband is the “hardest” part of her life. She continued on saying:
“I would love to wake up with David every morning and have dinner with him every night. And I’m sure that will happen one day. But, for the moment at least, we’re both so busy.”
Yeah, after looking at the size of Posh I’m sure she wouldn’t be too psyched having dinner every night. Perhaps, dinner twice week, but definitely not every night. Posh continued even more useless diarrhea of the mouth by spewing:
“How do I cope with homesickness? I just have a breakdown and cry a lot. The hardest part of my life is when I’m away from David. Everything else I can cope with….We have security team everywhere we go – school, shopping, to McDonald’s – and I don’t like it. Do I wish I was anonymous? Of course.”
Wow Posh asks herself a lot of questions and then she answers them herself too. What a real go-getter! Now that’s something I think Tyra Banks is missing. I’m actually shocked that Tyra doesn’t conduct her own interviews. Anyway, back to Posh. I also don’t think that she goes to McDonald’s. I think if she does she thinks of it as more of a “zoo.” Kinda like she takes the kids to McDonald’s to see “the common-folk.” She probably brings a stick with her so she can poke at the workers. Wait where was I going with this? No clue. I gotta go.
Feb
27
27
Poshtoria Wants Privacy, Does Reality TV
It has been reported, by random drunken sources, that Victoria and David Spiced-Beckham will be getting their very own reality show here in the good old US of A and on NBC. I was a little surprised with it being on NBC, as I would have assumed FOX or The UPN (is the UPN even around anymore?). The Spiced-Beckham’s have signed a $19.5 million deal to have cameras follow them around day and night as they move to Los Angeles later this year. Ok, now while this may end up being train-wreck TV at its finest, if this is true, Poshtoria has forfeited all rights to complaining that she doesn’t have any privacy and the paparazzi always follow her around.
Poshtoria’s manger, Simon Fuller, has been contacted and has said, “The Americans were falling over to sign Victoria for TV. They have taken a shine to Vic’s humor.”
Uh, yeah – no. We haven’t as much “taken a shine” as we have drank “moonshine” and then laughed at her. There’s a difference. Also, can “Vic” have a sense of humor if she doesn’t show her teeth, ever? Oh wait, is that supposed to be that dry British humor? I get it now. And, “yuck.”
No word yet if Poshtoria’s teeth will be making a guest cameo on the reality program, but rumors are already flying that her robot boobs will be getting their own spin-off. Only in America, my friends, only in America. I’m glad that I live in a country that would give a Spice Girl a second chance. You hear that “Kris Kross?” You’re next!
Jan
12
12
Poshtoria Claus is Coming To Town
…she sees you when she’s not eating, she knows how to fake bake, she knows how to channel aliens, so channel aliens for goodness sake! Oh, you better not pout, you better not cry, you better not shout I’m telling you why. Poshtoria Claus is coming to town.
End Scene.
Well, it’s official! We should be seeing a whole hell-of-a lot more of the Beckham’s soon, as David Beckham has just signed with the Galaxy soccer team and are moving their asses to LA.
“After discussing several options with my family and my business advisers I have decided to join (the) L.A. Galaxy and play in the MLS (Major League Soccer) from August.”
Uh, what the hell does, “from August” mean? He is going to have to brush up on his English before he moves here. Yeah, so he’s British – that’s like a different language altogether…similar to the Boston accent (which is brilliant, by the way).
I can’t wait to start seeing Poshtoria at The IVY and (fingers crossed) crashing her car with Lindsay Lohan.
Oct
04
04
Angelina Jolie, David Beckham, and Balls?
Hmmm, what has Angelina Jolie gotten herself into now? Looks like she wants Maddox to master his soccer skills and as opposed to going to soccer camp for like $400.00, Angelina has decided to have David Beckham spend some 1 on 1 time with Maddox so that he can become a star athlete…at 5 yrs old.
Supposedly though it was Brad Pitt who got in touch with David to help out little Maddox. So maybe it wasn’t Angelina who had slut-motives. Maybe Brad is the slut? Seriously, what kind of a life are you living when you can just call up David Beckham for soccer tips or even Poshtoria Beckham for special “diet” techniques?
Soccer. It’s just a kick in the grass. Yup, I used to have that saying on a magnet when I was about 10 yrs old. Maybe if I had David Beckham as a coach when I was that little I wouldn’t be sitting here blogging. Thanks Ma and Dad!
