More Mindless Stories on ‘celebrity gossip’
Hola. IBBB will be flying the unfriendly sky and finally taking a well deserved vacation! I will return next Tuesday, 3/12/2013 with a tan and possibly a much needed liver transplant. I plan to only be all teeth and eyes at that point. All recaps will resume once I’m back. Until then, feel free to keep updated on my travels by staying in touch with me in any of the following ways:
That’s about it. Maybe my old Myspace page is still kicking around?
Hello my good people. With the current weather I thought we should dig deep into the IBBB archives and bring back the open letter of yesteryear to Mr Snowstorm. In the meantime, follow me on Facebook and lets get through this storm together!
Dear Winter Snowstorm,
Hey there how are you? Yeah, I’m ok thanks for asking. I’m a little aggravated, actually. What is it about your snow that makes people act insane? No really, I’d like to know. Sure there’s some white fluffy stuff, similar to cotton balls, falling from the sky but what is it about that that makes everyone drive like knives, fire, and newborn babies are falling from the sky? I was lucky enough to be driving behind a station wagon with the traditional Brady Bunch wood paneling along the sides (apparently those still exist) and you would have thought this driver completely lost their steering wheel. Perhaps they left it back at the Grand Canyon whilst looking for Bobby and Cindy. I actually was hoping they were drunk and not driving this way because of the weather. This station wagon, that somehow turned itself into a firey runaway train on the highway to hell, was all over the road and kept slamming on their breaks for no apparent reason. Good move. I hear that when there is snow and ice on the ground nothing keeps your car in full control quite like slamming on the breaks. This was especially entertaining because there weren’t any other cars in front of said “runaway train.” On one occasion when I was forced to slam on my breaks and pray to my sweet Jesus not to have me go face first through the windshield, I got close enough to the said station wagon to notice that this car has traveled all the way from Idaho. That explains it. Thanks Idaho, your state is borderline pointless! I’m joking. Of course Idaho is a fictious place dreamed up by Mother Goose where only cartoon potato people exist and are covered in a light film of dirt.
Moving on, I made it to my destination after watching about 10 other cars fishtail all over the highway and just needed to find a place to park. Simple, right? Yeah, no. Apparently when there’s snow on the ground, especially in a parking lot, people forget where the parking lines are supposed to be. Yup, I guess the lime green Volkswagen Beetle thinks it’s an 18-wheeler and parked in about 3 spaces. No joke, at one point I think the car was parked horizontally. I won’t lie and say I didn’t say a quick prayer that I would end up passing this car hours later and see it all ablaze and in a ditch on the side of the highway. Fingers crossed.
So in the end I found a place to park, called a cab to pick me up from my parking space, and even breezed by the freakshow ringing the bell and asking for spare change. Who carries around “spare change” anymore? Is this 1989? I didn’t even know they made “change” anymore. Plus we’re in a recession so can you actually spare me some money? I’m not kidding. I’ll take it in 5’s, 10’s, and a few 20’s….if you have it. If you really wanted my money you’d install a credit-card swiper on the side of your bell. And that goes for the homeless too. Get with it and I’ll help you.
Perhaps though, my personal favorite, is sitting home and seeing constant coverage of the snow storm on the news. Oh and by “constant coverage” I really do mean “constant coverage.” I mean if MTV or Bravo somehow started showing this coverage like they did on 9/11 my life would be over. Either way, it is definitely important to interview that person who is heading off to the supermarket to get their last minute food because God forbid they can’t stuff their fat faces with Twinkies (R.I.P) and brownies for a full 24-hrs. They could possibly die from lack from junk food during a snowstorm. And God strike me dead if I’m lying about this, but last night at the Supermarket where everyone was stocking up for “the end of days” one girl in front of me was simply purchasing a gallon of water and the giant-sized purple can of AquaNet. I began to slow-clap at her. I mean, to dream big enough that your time machine will be ready in time to bring you back to 1987 and avoid this storm altogether is truly the forward-thinking that Oprah has been talking about for years.
Ahhhh Mr Snowstorm, you really bring out the best in me. You make me pray negative prayers and think negative thoughts, yet you somehow forced me to remember that both spare change and Idaho are two things that are still in existence. Thank you for reminding me. It’s times like these that really make me yearn for the days of hearing that perfect stranger say to me, “Hot enough for ya?!”
Hello my good people. I created this blog six (yes, six) years ago for a variety of reasons. Part of the reason was to get discovered and sell out big time. Sure that’s still a major part of the goal. I mean, I’ll be ready to jump ship at a moments notice the second that Joel McHale gives up the reigns. Over the course of the past few years what this site has morphed into always amazed me. While the basis of everything here is reality show recaps and the like, it really became a sense of community for people. Some just wanted to crack a joke (and I applaud you) and some just wanted to feel a part of something. Because at the end of the day, nobody wants to feel alone. And on some level, when you’re here…you’re not.
I can share with you these numbers as I’ve never placed an ad on this site and, therefore, the totality of the numbers mean nothing from a monetary value. Over 250,000 people per month visit this site. While for some those numbers may seem small. However for me they are eye opening. I think about the countless emails I’ve received from people who lost loved ones and dropped me a note to let me know that this site made them smile, laugh, and forget for a minute. I think about the connections that people make here. I think about the fun that I’ve had writing here. While I’m not giving up the TV recaps (God-forbid) I want to also use this site and this audience for something greater than what this site started out as. If I’m being honest, I don’t fully know what that is. And that’s ok. I know I want people to feel connected and I want people to feel and know that they matter. I don’t know where this new weekly blog post will take us. Maybe no one will want to take part in it. Maybe it will turn people off completely. Maybe it will help just one person. That is good enough for me.
So let’s kick things off. I don’t know what the coming weeks will bring, but for today let’s all take a minute to show our gratitude. What are the 5 things you are grateful for today? Mine are:
- The people who come here every day looking for a laugh and, in turn, support me
- The quietness of a Sunday
- Iced coffee
- The ability to laugh at ourselves and with others
I won’t go on a rant. Like everyone, everything just seems blah with everything going on in the news. Out of respect for what’s really important in life, this will be a recapless week. Just seems strange making Barb jokes at a time like this. I’ll be back for next week to get back to immature humor/behavior.