More Mindless Stories on ‘carrie underwood’
I was so busy trying to see if I could see Carrie Underwood’s bum-bum in that short short short short dress whilst she was on the red carpet at a pre-Grammy party, that I almost didn’t notice that chick standing in the corner holding a white-board with Carrie Underwood’s name on it. Brilliant.
This is a strategy that I will put into place starting today. I’m going to carry around a white-board with me that just says, “ImBringingBloggingBack.com.” Clearly it works for Carrie. It will work for me too. That’s what I like to call “smart thinking.”
Carrie Underwood was as orange as a spray-tanned Lohan at the 2008 CMA Music Festival in Nashville the other day. I have a question. Well I’ll make a statement first and then I’ll ask the question. Statement: Carrie Underpants is hot as hell. Everyone thinks so. I’ve asked everyone and everyone said she was. Question: Does Carrie Underwood kinda seem like a big bitch? Like in the middle of sex she’s probably text messaging someone and telling you that you’re doing it all wrong. Then she’s like “get off me” and makes you sleep in the little doggie bed on the floor because she likes to stretch out when she sleeps and she hates that you’re always on her side of the pillow and breathing directly on her.
Anyone else get that vibe or just me?
That Carrie Underpants is one tricky country western singer/sasser. Carrie was at the 43rd Annual Academy of Country Music Awards and was singing up a storm when I believe the Ghost of Cameltoe
attacked her and hit her in the backside instead of the frontside, where the cameltoe
belongs. Carrie looks visibly concerned and, frankly, so am I. There for I am giving this backwards cameltoe
just one upside down camel in the “IBBB Cameltoe
Ranking Systems…to the Stars” game. Carrie gave it a good try, but came up just a little short.
There are more and more celebrity bum sniffers on the loose and, apparently, even little old Carrier Underpants isn’t safe from this new craze. Carrie was just simply walking through LAX with her dog and some sweatpants from 1986 when the Celebrity Bum Sniffing Bandit took a crack at Carrie’s…well, crack. Carrie seemed unphased as this is typically something a celebrity is unaware of. Celebrity bum sniffing is not just tacky and classless, but it’s also a crime. How do I know? I had to serve 6-months in the state penitentiary for trying to bum sniff an Olsen Slut back in ‘06. As a side note, Olsen crack smells like cotton candy and pixie sticks. I would have assumed Misty 120’s and Maxwell House (auto drip). Go figure.
I’d like to provide an update on “Operation Sellout.” It’s going very well. I have achieved a major goal of mine: Being a Background Person. Check that right off the list. About a month ago I was walking around Bryant Park in NYC during Fashion Week and was hot on Carrie Underwood’s trail. The paparazzi started to swarm and I knew that this was my chance to become “a background person.” Well there I am! A background person. These photos were actually posted over at ImNotObsessed
just the other day. The girl I was with that day was reading another site (sacrilegious) and she spotted me! Brilliant!
I’m hoping that US Weekly starts a new segment called, “Background People, They’re Just Like Us!” I’ll start. I’m a background person, I’m just like you! I stalk celebrities with my camera phone in one hand and my coffee in the other. I’m just like you, I clearly dress like a lumberjack. I’m just like you, I’m an idiot. See? That was easy. See you in the pages of Us Weekly!
Special Note to the following people: The Olsen Sluts, Dina Lohan, Tyra Banks, Jennifer Aniston. If you see that face (in the photo above) coming towards you while walking the streets of NYC, do me a favor, just let me put you in a headlock and let’s call it a day. Don’t make me have to chase you. Thanks, in advance, for your cooperation.