More Mindless Stories on ‘caridee english’
20
Keep in Mind This Chick Won “America’s Next Top Model”
CariDee English put on her best blue skeleton head wrap and no makeup and headed out to the season opening of TAO Beach at the Venetian Hotel in Vegas over the weekend. Remember when Bugs Bunny would wrap a towel around his head and body when getting out of the shower? You with me?
Look, I’m as shallow as the next d-bag, but Tyra Banks usually says that us guys don’t understand the beauty of models because we only know perfect physical beauty. Whilst I do agree, this doesn’t even look “Tyra model pretty” to me. CariDee looks like she’s dabbling in the meth. Oh! Maybe she’ll appear soon on an episode of Intervention. If so I hope I can be there. I don’t know why I would, but I’ll begin the letter writing campaign later today.
05
My Love/Hate Relationship with Caridee English Continues
17
So, Uh, You Know How Caridee English is Still Alive?
How many seasons of America’s Next Top Model have there been? 4 or 5 dozen? ANTM Season (insert correct answer here ___) winner Caridee English stole Tyra’s weave, let her cameltoe pop, showed off her bruised leg, and took some awkward pictures with Rumer Willis at the Power of Paws party at the Heather Mills Gallery in NYC. So, uh, Caridee is a model right? This poor girl can’t catch a break. Every picture I see of her looks not so flattering in the “pretty” department. I said it before and I’ll say it again, Caridee English has Heidi Montag written all over her. It could be worse, she could be the girl 2 people over from her.
In other Caridee English news, because that actually does exist, Caridee has been rumored to have been making out with Ryan Sheckler from MTV’s Life of Ryan at some club in NYC recently. Ryan had said about Caridee, “She wasn’t so great with the conversation either.”
Really? That’s hard to believe. She’s not so great with the “picture taking” either.
16
Caridee English, Alive, Makes News
Someone hand me my alarm clock because I need to wake up. Bonus points for me being loser enough to remember that Caridee English quote from America’s Next Top Model. ANTM winner, Caridee English, is not only still alive but is also allegedly dating fellow model Tyson Beckford. You may remember Tyson Beckford from such things as…things he modeled for. Anyway, Page Six is reporting that Caridee kicked her hometown boyfriend to the curb (as Ricki Lake audience members would say) and is now bumping Zoolanders with Tyson.
While Caridee was at the Entertainment Weekly upfronts she told Page Six that her ex-boyfriend stole $10,000 out her bank account and blew it in Vegas. What’s even more shocking is that a winner of America’s Next Top Model only has $10,000 in their bank account. I had $10,000 in my bank account when I was 15 and worked as a clerk at Walgreen’s. Yes I have lived a wild life.
Anyway, Caridee is hot sex so when she and Tyson call it quits I’m sure she’ll want to date a loser blogger like me. I’ll give her half of her missing money is she dates me. Wait, it that prostitution? Whatever.
