More Mindless Stories on ‘brody jenner’
Posted by IBBB
Uh oh! Someone put a 5150 out on Lauren Conrad
because I feel that she’ll need to be put on suicide watch. According to E! Online
, Brody Jenner from The Hills
is dating 2008 Playboy Playmate of the Year, Jayde Nicole. While it’s evident that Lauren Conrad
is no Playboy Playmate, I’m not quite sure she knows that. Let’s keep that secret from her.
While Brody walked the red carpet alone at the VMAs, he did sit with Jayde Nicole throughout the show. After the show the two went to a bunch of parties and then ended up back at Brody’s place, probably for some Shanghai Surprise.
I’m a little mad at myself that I even posted this, but I did it for you, the readers. My advice to Lauren: Go back to DouK. He’s still douchey, but about 17% less douche filled than Brody. As a backup option, give Dieter a call. That’s more Lauren’s speed.
It’s like The Hills
Gods are answering my scripted Hills prayers! Remember how I recently wrote about bumping into Brody Jenner
at STK in NYC over the weekend? Yeah, well apparently STK is the only place Brody visits because at about 12:30 AM the other night I got a text message from two of my friends who are in LA….at STK…..and talking to Brody Jenner.
You wanna break your bathroom stall promise to me Brody? I’ll send my friends out find you and, well, they’re loud mouths. Two of my friends, Lauren and Erica just wanted to grab a quick picture with Brody so they could send it to me for IBBB. Sadly, or not so sadly, things took a turn….for the worse. First I’ll recap some of the highlights of their conversation. Below that will be the actual conversation as told by my friend. This shit is great!
Brody is clearly a Lakers fan and grew up in rough and scary Malibu where he had like 25 friends die due to gangs. Malibu gangs…..scary. Tip your 40. To no surprise, Brody is a psychology major. He must go to the set of that school that Lauren goes to on The Hills
. Maybe he even takes that difficult “Computer Class” that LC and Stephanie Pratt take.
Here’s what went down direct from the source. E = Erica, L = Lauren, B = Brody. Make sense? Let’s go:
L: Hi there, would you mind taking a picture with my friend?
E: Yeah my friend would really get a kick if I could get a picture with you.
B: Oh is that right? Do you see what I’m wearing right now?
E: Yeah, you’re wearing a Kobe Bryant jersey
B: No, it says LAKERS. This shirt represents all of the LAKERS. Where are you from? (to Erica)
E: I’m from Boston
B: (sports talk abbreviated) blah blah blah blah Celtics blah blah blah blah blah Lakers, blah blah blah blah blah Celtics
E: Mmm Hmmm okay (she’s paying attention to him, but doesn’t really care about sports)
B: I’m sensing a little attitude or something from you?
E: Attitude? No I’m just listening to you and I think you come across as really aggressive. I just wanted to get a picture with you is all.
B: Oh well you can have a picture with me if you do a shot, come on lets do a shot.
(then somehow the conversation turned into something else, and I started to chime in, i was pretty quiet up until this point…just watching the two of them. )
E: Where are you from?
B: I’m from Malibu
L: (to Erica) Yeah that’s a rough hood
B: See that’s how I know you’re not from there, by what you just said.
L: You’re right I am not from there.
B: I’ve had 25 close friends die from there. There’s gangs and drugs, you have no idea.
B: See now you’re being condescending, by how you just said that. that’s really disrespectful. I’m talking about close friends dying.
L: I am? I just made a sarcastic comment about Malibu…before you said anything about friends dying. Really sorry if you can’t handle my sarcasm.
B: No I’m a psychology major I know exactly what you’re doing.You’re condescending. Don’t make comments about things you no nothing about. There’s no need for sarcasm.
L: It’s called a sense of humor. You’re so defensive, I didn’t even say anything. But you’re a psychology major so you have me all figured out I guess.
B: You know what, I don’t like you you’re totally disrespectful.
L: That’s fine, you don’t even know me, you can think whatever you want to. (and then it was like blah blah blah wah wah wah, who knows what the hell that was!! His buddies came over to rescue him and his friends so they could go sit down at their table and eat $45 steaks because they’ve had such a rough life growing up in MALIBU apparently.)
Seriously, this crap is great. Suck it, Us Weekly! You may have Heidi on your cover (week after week), but I have some great Brody stories.
First off, I need to say that the title of this blog post is probably the most brilliant that has ever been written. Sadly, I did not make that title up, my buddy Mike did, but it’s still brilliant. So here’s the deal. Two of my great friends, Michele and Mike from Boston, came to visit me in the Big Orange for the weekend. We head out to STK (pictured above) for dinner and a drink or 15. I am positioned in the best seat available, which is directly in front by the window in which I can see every person enter the restaurant. Big mistake putting me there. We’re about 4 vodkas into dinner when all of an f’n sudden Brody Jenner and his posse come strolling into the restaurant. Shut the F up. I quickly said a prayer to my little baby Jesus that a camera crew and Lauren Conrad
would be following him, but sadly they weren’t. No joke, I was like this is my chance to get on The Hills
. I’ll have to wait on that.
So we finish dinner, which was excellent, and head over to the bar area for more drinks, which I like to call “confidence juice.” We chat up the waitress who informed us that someone was kicked out due to taking pictures of Brody. My buddy Mike then spots Brody heading to the bathroom so, like a good stalker-in-training, he decides to take a trip to the shitter too. Whilst in the bathroom Mike talks up Brody and, of course, asks him if he’s ever read IBBB. Brody, of course, said no (hurtful), so Mike asked Brody to swing on by our table to say hello on his way out as we are big fans of The Hills, etc. Brody was like “definitely” and before they both peaced out of the bathroom, Brody tossed $10.00 into the bathroom attendants tip basket (to which Mike told the bathroom attendant that was from him too….brilliant).
So me, Mike, and Michele are all drunk and Brody (who apparently changed his shirt while he was there) was heading out and walks by our table and we’re all like 10 year old school girls like “Hey Brody!” We are complete tools. Yeah, not so much because he blows past us going about 45 mph. We totally got the brush off, luckily the alcohol numbed the pain and suddenly we had a fun story to tell.
We legit had a conversation about what Us Weekly would put on their cover if they experienced this ridiculous run in with Brody Jenner to which Mike immediately said, “Big Tipper Brody Jenner Breaks Bathroom Stall Promise.” And you know what, he did break his bathroom stall promise.
So, note to self – all you reality star fauxlebrities out there – if you ever run into me it won’t just be a simple hello. We’ll be watching you and if I can’t get to you, I’ll send my friends in after you.
As a side note, my friends Mike and Michele asked me to do a reading at their wedding next year. So, I’m pretty sure IBBB will be the main wedding sponsor. A reading from the book of The Hills
to the Corinthians….
continues their world tour of “blowing the cast of The Hills
” and reached out to Brody Jenner’s dad, Bruce Jenner, to see what he thought of his son and his partying ways.
Bruce and his facelifted face had a few harsh words for his sons friends Spencer Pratt and Frankie Delgado. Bruce’s tight mouth said, “Frankie’s a very bad influence. And the day before that it was Spencer. He’s been brought down by all his friends. It’s not really him. He’s a homeboy.”
Uh, yeah you got one thing right. He is a homeboy…especially with all that bling. I wonder if all the cast members tell all their family members and friends to just bring up The Hills
and say “controversial” things no matter what the question is. For example if you were to ask Heidi’s mom how the weather was, she would probably answer something like, “Lauren Conrad
is not a good friend.” If you asked Audrina’s sister what who she was voting for in the presidential race, she would probably answer, “Lo is trying to come between Audrina and Lauren.” This is how it works people.
In keeping up with The Hills
even after it’s over, TMZ.com is reporting that Brody Jenner was asked to leave an American Airlines flight after he (and some other douche-bag passengers) would not listen to flight attendants and turn off their electronic devices. I remember when I was little they even made me turn off my Game Boy. Let’s just say Super Mario Brothers was never the same and I will no longer be flying PanAm Airlines, but enough about me.
According to TMZ.com representatives said that Brody and some others became verbally abusive towards the flight attendants and were removed from the plane by airport police. When someone later caught up with Brody who finally did make it to his destination (Chicago), Brody suggested that he will no longer be flying American Airlines again. Uh-oh, that must mean it’s the end of American Airlines!
This story would have been better if it stated that Brody was heading off to Paris to meet up with Lauren and he was texting Steve Sanders. Geesh. These people are novices when it comes to promoting The Hills.
The Hills: Brody Jenner and AA