More Mindless Stories on ‘bindi sue’
16
Bindi Irwin, That Bitch, Just Won’t Quit
On being famous: “I don’t think of myself as being famous. I just feel I’m a teacher who is teaching wildlife conservation. Being well known is a way of getting the conservation message out, which is really nice.”
On her little brother Bob: “Robert has a great approach to life. He lives one day at a time and doesn’t worry about what will happen in the future. He just likes to play with his chickens and revels in the moment which is happening…which is a good way to be.”
On her tenth birthday: “I’m very excited. Our tradition is that birthdays are not just for yourself but for sharing. Every birthday is very exciting – you wake up in the morning so excited because everyone is coming. It’s so exciting I can’t wait. Double digits means double the fun which is so exciting.”
Ugh. She’s the worst. Why won’t she stop saying “exciting?” Know what’s really exciting, Bindi? How about not having your father eaten by a sea-snake type of thing. Oh I don’t care she’s a bitch.
08
Buy That Little Bitch, Bindi
Thanks, but I’m going to wait it out until they make a Teri Irwin doll that comes equipped with a bowl-cut-mullet and cameltoe khakis. That’s where my paper route money is going. Finally something to spend it on!
09
Dear Bindi Irwin, Take a Note
I know I’ve shit on you a bunch of times, Bindi Irwin. I’ve called you a little bitch, a know-it-all, and a slut. I was wrong. You’re a big bitch. Regardless, I’m just looking out for your best interest. So, let’s learn a little something from Dakota Fanning. She’s probably your idol, right? You look up to her? Sure. Well, Dakota Fanning was at the “Celebration For Children’s Rights” the other night and showing off her new smile…that looks rotten. Seriously, take a tooth brush to those khaki chompers.
So, Bindi, I’m not sure if you have toothpaste over there in the “bush” but ask your bowl-cut-mullet-cameltoe-cargo-pants-wearing mother if you should be brushing your teeth twice a day. I’m sure she’ll say “no” but that’s Australia. They have different rules. Here in America you brush twice a day so your teeth don’t turn yellow like Dakota’s. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, you little douche-bag. Now say “thank you.”
22
Bindi Irwin Beckham?
18
Dress Like That Little Bitch, Bindi
Alright! Grab your koala in the bush because now you can dress you kid like that little bitch, Bindi Irwin. Bindi and her bowl-cut-mullet-high-pants-wearing-khaki-cameltoe-showing-steel-toe-boot-sporting mother, Terri Irwin, continued their sellout tour by creating their own line of eco-friendly children’s clothing. They were even lucky enough to show this on the catwalk in Australia and, of course, Bindi had to grab the microphone and really ham it up. Keep laughing Bindi you’re about one Vegemite sandwich away from Lindsay Lohan leggings and Britney Spears court appointed attorneys. See where I’m going with this? I have an idea. Go play on the monkey bars. Ugh. What a know-it-all little bitch.
