More Mindless Stories on ‘bindi sue’
20
Terri Irwin Blamed For Australian Bushfire (Giggity)
Well, well, well. It looks like el pollo has come home to roost. It has been reported that the mother of Bindi Irwin (that little B), Terri Irwin, has been blamed for a wild bushfire on land that had been dedicated to her late husband, Steve Irwin. I always assumed that the phrase ”wild bushfire” was only used when referencing Lindsay Lohan dropping a cigarette into her lap, but apparently I stand to be corrected.
Random druknen Australian groups are blaming Terri for not only suffering from permanent khaki-clothes-cameltoe and allowing Bindi Sue to enter the United States, but also for neglecting the land and “poor fire prevention practices.” Sure I made the first two parts up, but if I don’t blame Terri for those things, who will? So far up to half of the 330,000 acres have been reported to be on fire. Perhaps Bindi can “rap” away the bushfire? Me personally, I would send her into the bush with a Dixie Cup filled with 4 ounces of water and instruct her to “get creative.”
Disclaimer: Fires aren’t funny.
Disclaimer 2: I’m an idiot.
*Special thanks go to avid IBBB reader, Danette, for bringing this breaking story to my attention. Ole, Danette, ole!
12
Bindi Irwin, that little bitch, to Star in Free Willy 4: “Kill Willy.”
Someone go get me the bleach and some SOS pads because I’m ready to make myself blind and deaf all at the same time. I’m efficient like that. Bindi Sue Irwin, that f’n little bitch, has been cast with Beau Bridges to star in “Free Willy: South Africa” which will be the fourth installment of this movie in which a whale has sex with a little Australian girl, I assume.
According to Moviehole.net, the new film will go direct to DVD in 2010 and will be about a young Australian bitch girl who is sent to South Africa to stay with her stage-mother grandfather and she becomes friends with some dumb whale who needs to be freed….again! That all sounds riveting, but I have a better idea for a plot. Let’s try this out for size:
An entire nation forces a little know-it-all bitch, who never fully dealt with the death of her father because her mother was probably churning out some Ponzi scheme (no idea), out of the country and the only place that will take her is South Africa. While there, she meets a whale who learns how to speak English in order to convince this little bitch that her mother needs to stop wearing khaki pants that give her a permanent cameltoe and to also grow out her bowl-cut-mullet. The little bitch thanks the whale by rapping for him, to which the whale somehow finds a rope and a dock and hangs himself. THE END! Applause, applause, and applesauce.
Thanks to IBBB reader, Brian, who sent me the news of Bindi!
17
Ugh! These Three Again.
Seriously these outfits have to have a mad case of “ring around the collar” by now. Oh, and “swamp ass crust” in their khaki-cameltoe-pants. The Irwin’s, sans Steve, are at it again! This time they’re at the 2nd Annual Steve Irwin Day at the Australia Zoo on the Sunshine Coast. What a treat.
24
Happy 10th Birthday Bindi Sue Irwin. I Love You.
Happy 10th birthday Bindi, you little bitch, happy birthday! The always lovable and never annoying Bindi celebrated the big day in Australia at the Australia Zoo on the Sunshine Coast. Bindi and her mom, who really got dressed up for occasion, had a cake made with a photo of Steve Irwin placed right…on….top….of the cake. I’m sure Bindi felt happy, lucky, and so excited just to be blowing out the candles in front of hundreds of onlookers, most of whom where probably filthy pedophiles. Eh, I’m sure this is just the first in a long line of occasions when Bindi will be on her knees blowing something. I mean, this career as a jungle girl can’t last forever and she’s gonna need to make ends meet somehow! Bitch.
16
Bindi Irwin, That Bitch, Just Won’t Quit
On being famous: “I don’t think of myself as being famous. I just feel I’m a teacher who is teaching wildlife conservation. Being well known is a way of getting the conservation message out, which is really nice.”
On her little brother Bob: “Robert has a great approach to life. He lives one day at a time and doesn’t worry about what will happen in the future. He just likes to play with his chickens and revels in the moment which is happening…which is a good way to be.”
On her tenth birthday: “I’m very excited. Our tradition is that birthdays are not just for yourself but for sharing. Every birthday is very exciting – you wake up in the morning so excited because everyone is coming. It’s so exciting I can’t wait. Double digits means double the fun which is so exciting.”
Ugh. She’s the worst. Why won’t she stop saying “exciting?” Know what’s really exciting, Bindi? How about not having your father eaten by a sea-snake type of thing. Oh I don’t care she’s a bitch.
08
Buy That Little Bitch, Bindi
Thanks, but I’m going to wait it out until they make a Teri Irwin doll that comes equipped with a bowl-cut-mullet and cameltoe khakis. That’s where my paper route money is going. Finally something to spend it on!
09
Dear Bindi Irwin, Take a Note
I know I’ve shit on you a bunch of times, Bindi Irwin. I’ve called you a little bitch, a know-it-all, and a slut. I was wrong. You’re a big bitch. Regardless, I’m just looking out for your best interest. So, let’s learn a little something from Dakota Fanning. She’s probably your idol, right? You look up to her? Sure. Well, Dakota Fanning was at the “Celebration For Children’s Rights” the other night and showing off her new smile…that looks rotten. Seriously, take a tooth brush to those khaki chompers.
So, Bindi, I’m not sure if you have toothpaste over there in the “bush” but ask your bowl-cut-mullet-cameltoe-cargo-pants-wearing mother if you should be brushing your teeth twice a day. I’m sure she’ll say “no” but that’s Australia. They have different rules. Here in America you brush twice a day so your teeth don’t turn yellow like Dakota’s. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, you little douche-bag. Now say “thank you.”
22
Bindi Irwin Beckham?
18
Dress Like That Little Bitch, Bindi
Alright! Grab your koala in the bush because now you can dress you kid like that little bitch, Bindi Irwin. Bindi and her bowl-cut-mullet-high-pants-wearing-khaki-cameltoe-showing-steel-toe-boot-sporting mother, Terri Irwin, continued their sellout tour by creating their own line of eco-friendly children’s clothing. They were even lucky enough to show this on the catwalk in Australia and, of course, Bindi had to grab the microphone and really ham it up. Keep laughing Bindi you’re about one Vegemite sandwich away from Lindsay Lohan leggings and Britney Spears court appointed attorneys. See where I’m going with this? I have an idea. Go play on the monkey bars. Ugh. What a know-it-all little bitch.
19
Breaking News: Bindi Irwin, Still a Bitch
Yeah thumbs up ya bitch, thumbs up. Bindi and her bowl-cut-mullet-khaki-cameltoe-mother were selling more Bindi crap at FAO Schwartz in New York yesterday. Joy. Bindi is about one direct-to-dvd away from performing a remake of “I’m the Cute One” which was originally performed by The Olsen Sluts. Bindi. What a bitch.18
Bindi to Brit: Bring Your Bush to the Bush
Well well well. Bindi Irwin, that wretched little bitch, is at it again. Always trying to “help.” Yuck. Do-gooder. Bindi and her bowl-cut-mullet sporting mother, Terri Irwin, are offering to give Britney some good old fashioned Australian help to get her through her troubled times. What troubled times? Britney’s just having some innocent fun. Anyway, Terri doesn’t admit to whoring out her brat-bag daughter, but she does admit that she and her family have been watching all the drama unfolding with Britney Spears in the past few months and she thinks that Britney should stop on by Australia for a little quality time with mother nature. Who Said That!?!
Bindi to Brit: Bring Your Bush to the Bush
11
Bindi Irwin: What a Real Bitch
Just look at her. Bitch. Where’s her bowl-cut-mullet-cameltoe-jeans-mother? Bitch.
17
Friggin’ Bindi Sue Works Too Much
