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More Mindless Stories on ‘bindi sue’

Nov
20

Terri Irwin Blamed For Australian Bushfire (Giggity)

terri-irwin-fire

 

Well, well, well.  It looks like el pollo has come home to roost.  It has been reported that the mother of Bindi Irwin (that little B), Terri Irwin, has been blamed for a wild bushfire on land that had been dedicated to her late husband, Steve Irwin.  I always assumed that the phrase ”wild bushfire” was only used when referencing Lindsay Lohan dropping a cigarette into her lap, but apparently I stand to be corrected.

Random druknen Australian groups are blaming Terri for not only suffering from permanent khaki-clothes-cameltoe and allowing Bindi Sue to enter the United States, but also for neglecting the land and “poor fire prevention practices.”  Sure I made the first two parts up, but if I don’t blame Terri for those things, who will?  So far up to half of the 330,000 acres have been reported to be on fire.  Perhaps Bindi can “rap” away the bushfire?  Me personally, I would send her into the bush with a Dixie Cup filled with 4 ounces of water and instruct her to “get creative.”

Disclaimer: Fires aren’t funny.
Disclaimer 2:  I’m an idiot.

*Special thanks go to avid IBBB reader, Danette, for bringing this breaking story to my attention.  Ole, Danette, ole!

Mar
12

Bindi Irwin, that little bitch, to Star in Free Willy 4: “Kill Willy.”

bindi-irwin-free-willy

Someone go get me the bleach and some SOS pads because I’m ready to make myself blind and deaf all at the same time.  I’m efficient like that.  Bindi Sue Irwin, that f’n little bitch, has been cast with Beau Bridges to star in “Free Willy: South Africa” which will be the fourth installment of this movie in which a whale has sex with a little Australian girl, I assume.

According to Moviehole.net, the new film will go direct to DVD in 2010 and will be about a young Australian bitch girl who is sent to South Africa to stay with her stage-mother grandfather and she becomes friends with some dumb whale who needs to be freed….again!  That all sounds riveting, but I have a better idea for a plot.  Let’s try this out for size:

An entire nation forces a little know-it-all bitch, who never fully dealt with the death of her father because her mother was probably churning out some Ponzi scheme (no idea), out of the country and the only place that will take her is South Africa.  While there, she meets a whale who learns how to speak English in order to convince this little bitch that her mother needs to stop wearing khaki pants that give her a permanent cameltoe and to also grow out her bowl-cut-mullet.  The little bitch thanks the whale by rapping for him, to which the whale somehow finds a rope and a dock and hangs himself.  THE END!  Applause, applause, and applesauce.

Thanks to IBBB reader, Brian, who sent me the news of Bindi!

Nov
17

Ugh! These Three Again.


Seriously these outfits have to have a mad case of “ring around the collar” by now. Oh, and “swamp ass crust” in their khaki-cameltoe-pants. The Irwin’s, sans Steve, are at it again! This time they’re at the 2nd Annual Steve Irwin Day at the Australia Zoo on the Sunshine Coast. What a treat.

Hopefully Bindi performed a wonderful song for the crowd. This just in: Bindi, that f’n bitch, did in fact perform a brilliant number for crowd. Bindi dressed like a colorful bird and sang while pretending that she’s not going to need a life time of therapy in years to come.
Later, Terri took to the stage, dressed ever-so femininely with her big brown belt and khaki Dockers pulled up to her boobs, and spoke to the crowd. Notice how her hand is verrrry close to Steve Irwin’s cardboard cutout crotch. And bonus points for Kenny Rogers taking the stage with her as well.

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Jul
24

Happy 10th Birthday Bindi Sue Irwin. I Love You.


Happy 10th birthday Bindi, you little bitch, happy birthday! The always lovable and never annoying Bindi celebrated the big day in Australia at the Australia Zoo on the Sunshine Coast. Bindi and her mom, who really got dressed up for occasion, had a cake made with a photo of Steve Irwin placed right…on….top….of the cake. I’m sure Bindi felt happy, lucky, and so excited just to be blowing out the candles in front of hundreds of onlookers, most of whom where probably filthy pedophiles. Eh, I’m sure this is just the first in a long line of occasions when Bindi will be on her knees blowing something. I mean, this career as a jungle girl can’t last forever and she’s gonna need to make ends meet somehow! Bitch.

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Jul
16

Bindi Irwin, That Bitch, Just Won’t Quit

My arch nemesis, Bindi Irwin, is at it again. The Australian Olsen Slut in training is pissing flowers and sunshine while interviewed by some Australian newspaper, which I assume is just a couple of words painted onto a boomerang. How many stereotypes have I hit so far? Are we up to 5 yet? Anyroo, here’s what that bitch Bindi had to say:

On being famous: “I don’t think of myself as being famous. I just feel I’m a teacher who is teaching wildlife conservation. Being well known is a way of getting the conservation message out, which is really nice.”

On her little brother Bob: “Robert has a great approach to life. He lives one day at a time and doesn’t worry about what will happen in the future. He just likes to play with his chickens and revels in the moment which is happening…which is a good way to be.”

On her tenth birthday: “I’m very excited. Our tradition is that birthdays are not just for yourself but for sharing. Every birthday is very exciting – you wake up in the morning so excited because everyone is coming. It’s so exciting I can’t wait. Double digits means double the fun which is so exciting.”

Ugh. She’s the worst. Why won’t she stop saying “exciting?” Know what’s really exciting, Bindi? How about not having your father eaten by a sea-snake type of thing. Oh I don’t care she’s a bitch.

Source It Up!

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Jul
08

Buy That Little Bitch, Bindi


Oh that little bitch strikes again. Bindi Irwin and her fame-hungry PR team are finding new and innovative ways to help Bindi pretend that her dad never died all whilst still raking in the cash. Coming this September now you, too, can purchase your very own Bindi Irwin doll! Move over Barbie because this doll comes dressed in khaki shorts, binoculars, a camera, and some other outback gear. What a treat. Oh and it gets better. Just pull on Bindi and she’ll even say the following phrases: “Crikey!” “Let’s Go Help Wildlife” and “You Can Make the World a Better Place.” Wow, isn’t that optimistic. Life sucks, bitch.

Thanks, but I’m going to wait it out until they make a Teri Irwin doll that comes equipped with a bowl-cut-mullet and cameltoe khakis. That’s where my paper route money is going. Finally something to spend it on!

Source It Up!

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Jun
09

Dear Bindi Irwin, Take a Note


I know I’ve shit on you a bunch of times, Bindi Irwin. I’ve called you a little bitch, a know-it-all, and a slut. I was wrong. You’re a big bitch. Regardless, I’m just looking out for your best interest. So, let’s learn a little something from Dakota Fanning. She’s probably your idol, right? You look up to her? Sure. Well, Dakota Fanning was at the “Celebration For Children’s Rights” the other night and showing off her new smile…that looks rotten. Seriously, take a tooth brush to those khaki chompers.

So, Bindi, I’m not sure if you have toothpaste over there in the “bush” but ask your bowl-cut-mullet-cameltoe-cargo-pants-wearing mother if you should be brushing your teeth twice a day. I’m sure she’ll say “no” but that’s Australia. They have different rules. Here in America you brush twice a day so your teeth don’t turn yellow like Dakota’s. Don’t say I didn’t warn you, you little douche-bag. Now say “thank you.”

P.S I’m talking to you too, Miley Cyrus.
Apr
22

Bindi Irwin Beckham?

Bindi Irwin, that little Australian bitch, is looking a little too much like the son of David and Poshtoria Beckham, Romeo. David Beckham and his bratastic kids were court side at the Lakers game at the Staples Center in LA recently and I immediately thought David was in a hardcore sexual love triangle with his wife and Bindi, but then realized it was just his son. Phew! Then this got me to thinking, maybe it really is Bindi with him sporting a buzz-cut….you know, kinda like how Michael Jackson and Janet Jackson are the same person? Now you’re with me.

Anyway, keep hugging that koala bear, Bindi, and uh nice touch with wearing the crown of thorns on your head just like my Jesus had to do over 2,000 years ago. I’m sure He’ll be impressed by your mocking of Him. I hear Jesus likes that. Have fun in hell for that one, Bindi!
Mar
18

Dress Like That Little Bitch, Bindi

Alright! Grab your koala in the bush because now you can dress you kid like that little bitch, Bindi Irwin. Bindi and her bowl-cut-mullet-high-pants-wearing-khaki-cameltoe-showing-steel-toe-boot-sporting mother, Terri Irwin, continued their sellout tour by creating their own line of eco-friendly children’s clothing. They were even lucky enough to show this on the catwalk in Australia and, of course, Bindi had to grab the microphone and really ham it up. Keep laughing Bindi you’re about one Vegemite sandwich away from Lindsay Lohan leggings and Britney Spears court appointed attorneys. See where I’m going with this? I have an idea. Go play on the monkey bars. Ugh. What a know-it-all little bitch.

Feb
19

Breaking News: Bindi Irwin, Still a Bitch

Yeah thumbs up ya bitch, thumbs up. Bindi and her bowl-cut-mullet-khaki-cameltoe-mother were selling more Bindi crap at FAO Schwartz in New York yesterday. Joy. Bindi is about one direct-to-dvd away from performing a remake of “I’m the Cute One” which was originally performed by The Olsen Sluts. Bindi. What a bitch.
Jan
18

Bindi to Brit: Bring Your Bush to the Bush


Well well well. Bindi Irwin, that wretched little bitch, is at it again. Always trying to “help.” Yuck. Do-gooder. Bindi and her bowl-cut-mullet sporting mother, Terri Irwin, are offering to give Britney some good old fashioned Australian help to get her through her troubled times. What troubled times? Britney’s just having some innocent fun. Anyway, Terri doesn’t admit to whoring out her brat-bag daughter, but she does admit that she and her family have been watching all the drama unfolding with Britney Spears in the past few months and she thinks that Britney should stop on by Australia for a little quality time with mother nature.
Terri has said, “Bindi’s the one who said, ‘People who are having trouble should go in the Bush with us when we do our crocodile research work.’ If Britney and her family want to go in the Bush with us, we’d love to have them.”
First off, now does Britney not technically qualify since she does not currently have “the bush.” Must you have it to enter the Bush? I mean, she has time to grow it out (and style it) before she enters the Bush. God knows she doesn’t do a lot with it when others try to enter her Bush. Just sayin’. Second, there is basically nothing I would love more in all of life than to see Britney, Bindi, and Teri in the Bush. I’m not even kidding. If someone could film that and make that into a reality show I would dedicate my life to watching it. I would quit my job and just watch it over and over and over again. You can only imagine Teri getting off of a Rhino and exposing her “gentleman greeter.” Oh and then Bindi and Britney could have a “sing-off.” Watching the animals react to that is basically the reward in itself. I hope this happens. Pray to your Jesus!

Who Said That!?!
Bindi to Brit: Bring Your Bush to the Bush

Jan
11

Bindi Irwin: What a Real Bitch

Just look at her. Bitch. Where’s her bowl-cut-mullet-cameltoe-jeans-mother? Bitch.

Jan
17

Friggin’ Bindi Sue Works Too Much

I’m actually going to apologize ahead of time for this blog post. I just can’t help it. In the past week I’ve seen Bindi Sue on every television talk show/entertainment show and I can’t take another minute of me being quiet about it. I know that she’s a little girl and I know that she recently lost her dad. I feel bad for both of those things, but she just rubs me the wrong way. I mean is it just me or does anyone else think that she’s dealing with her dad’s death a little weird. Ok, so she’s a little girl, but who the hell works that much? I don’t even think she’s cute. She’s totally pissed me off. Maybe I’m just jealous that she’s like 7 and has her own TV show? She has that “Michelle Tanner” vibe that always pissed me off too. While some people are like, “Oh she’s sooo cute,” I’m always left thinking, “Oh she seems like a little know-it-all bitch.”

Bindi Sue Irwin was out and about in Times Square NYC today with The Wiggles (also horrible) to promote her new show, “Bindi the Jungle Girl.” Really? I’m not only calling DSS, but I’m also calling Child Labor. Jesus, even the kids that sowed buttons into Kathy Lee’s clothes for 14 cents an hour worked less than Bindi (extra points for the oldest Kathy Lee joke I could think of).

I’m just afraid that Bindi is going to end up like the next Britney Spears is she keeps this crap up.

Ok, I’ll be rotting in hell now if you need me.

P.S – Wipe that shit-eating grin off your face too.
P.P.S – As soon as Bindi comes out with her own CD I’m turning in my U.S Citizenship.
P.P.P.S – Please forward all hate mail to my email.

Who Shot Bindi Sue!?!