More Mindless Stories on ‘bindi sue’

Yeah Jamie Lynn Started Out the Same Way….

Sorry Level 3’s, Bindi Irwin is off the market!  Bindi Sue Irwin may just be 11 years old, but she’s on the fast track to marriage (I made that part up) if Women’s Day Australia is right!  According to reports (sponsored by the letters B, T, C, H and the *), Bindi is now calling Jacob Wertheimer her boyfriend.  Even her bowl-cut-mullet-khaki-camel-toe-mother, Terri Irwin, is telling close friends that Bindi has a boyfriend.

Did you know that Jacob is the grandson of Muhammad Ali?  He is.  Yeah, that’s hereditary, but the way.

All I have to say to little Bindi is to be careful.  Jamie Lynn Spears started off as “just friends” when she was 11 years and then next thing you know, BAM, knocked up and her older sister was put on a 5150.  You want your momma put on a 5150?  Do you?  Do you want to give your momma a makeover?  Do you?  I do.

So you just focus on waiting for your koala to grow a coat and Jacob can just play with his didgeridoo until you’re both 18.  However, Bindi, if for some reason your career tanks, you may want to get in early and get your hands on some of that Ali money, you know what I mean?

Thanks to Marianna for the story tip-off!

Terri Irwin Blamed For Australian Bushfire (Giggity)

Well, well, well.  It looks like el pollo has come home to roost.  It has been reported that the mother of Bindi Irwin (that little B), Terri Irwin, has been blamed for a wild bushfire on land that had been dedicated to her late husband, Steve Irwin.  I always assumed that the phrase ”wild bushfire” was only used when referencing Lindsay Lohan dropping a cigarette into her lap, but apparently I stand to be corrected.

Random druknen Australian groups are blaming Terri for not only suffering from permanent khaki-clothes-cameltoe and allowing Bindi Sue to enter the United States, but also for neglecting the land and “poor fire prevention practices.”  Sure I made the first two parts up, but if I don’t blame Terri for those things, who will?  So far up to half of the 330,000 acres have been reported to be on fire.  Perhaps Bindi can “rap” away the bushfire?  Me personally, I would send her into the bush with a Dixie Cup filled with 4 ounces of water and instruct her to “get creative.”

Disclaimer: Fires aren’t funny.
Disclaimer 2:  I’m an idiot.

*Special thanks go to avid IBBB reader, Danette, for bringing this breaking story to my attention.  Ole, Danette, ole!

Bindi Irwin, that little bitch, to Star in Free Willy 4: “Kill Willy.”

Someone go get me the bleach and some SOS pads because I’m ready to make myself blind and deaf all at the same time.  I’m efficient like that.  Bindi Sue Irwin, that f’n little bitch, has been cast with Beau Bridges to star in “Free Willy: South Africa” which will be the fourth installment of this movie in which a whale has sex with a little Australian girl, I assume.

According to Moviehole.net, the new film will go direct to DVD in 2010 and will be about a young Australian bitch girl who is sent to South Africa to stay with her stage-mother grandfather and she becomes friends with some dumb whale who needs to be freed….again!  That all sounds riveting, but I have a better idea for a plot.  Let’s try this out for size:

An entire nation forces a little know-it-all bitch, who never fully dealt with the death of her father because her mother was probably churning out some Ponzi scheme (no idea), out of the country and the only place that will take her is South Africa.  While there, she meets a whale who learns how to speak English in order to convince this little bitch that her mother needs to stop wearing khaki pants that give her a permanent cameltoe and to also grow out her bowl-cut-mullet.  The little bitch thanks the whale by rapping for him, to which the whale somehow finds a rope and a dock and hangs himself.  THE END!  Applause, applause, and applesauce.

Thanks to IBBB reader, Brian, who sent me the news of Bindi!

Ugh! These Three Again.

Seriously these outfits have to have a mad case of “ring around the collar” by now. Oh, and “swamp ass crust” in their khaki-cameltoe-pants. The Irwin’s, sans Steve, are at it again! This time they’re at the 2nd Annual Steve Irwin Day at the Australia Zoo on the Sunshine Coast. What a treat.

Hopefully Bindi performed a wonderful song for the crowd. This just in: Bindi, that f’n bitch, did in fact perform a brilliant number for crowd. Bindi dressed like a colorful bird and sang while pretending that she’s not going to need a life time of therapy in years to come.

Later, Terri took to the stage, dressed ever-so femininely with her big brown belt and khaki Dockers pulled up to her boobs, and spoke to the crowd. Notice how her hand is verrrry close to Steve Irwin’s cardboard cutout crotch. And bonus points for Kenny Rogers taking the stage with her as well.

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Happy 10th Birthday Bindi Sue Irwin. I Love You.

Happy 10th birthday Bindi, you little bitch, happy birthday! The always lovable and never annoying Bindi celebrated the big day in Australia at the Australia Zoo on the Sunshine Coast. Bindi and her mom, who really got dressed up for occasion, had a cake made with a photo of Steve Irwin placed right…on….top….of the cake. I’m sure Bindi felt happy, lucky, and so excited just to be blowing out the candles in front of hundreds of onlookers, most of whom where probably filthy pedophiles. Eh, I’m sure this is just the first in a long line of occasions when Bindi will be on her knees blowing something. I mean, this career as a jungle girl can’t last forever and she’s gonna need to make ends meet somehow! Bitch.