More Mindless Stories on ‘baby’
Jul
08
08
McConaughey Has Shirtless Baby Boy
Hopefully he fit in his last shirtless run because Matthew McConaughey and his girlfriend, Camila Alves, gave birth to their first child, a boy, last night. Camila shot the newborn out of her vagina at 6:22 pm and he weighed 7 lb, 4 oz. While his name hasn’t been named public yet I am throwing in 3 guesses: Chicken, Randy, or Champ. Either way, his middle name will be “Bastard.” I’m thinking these are good guesses.
Jun
19
19
Jaime Lynn Plays the Birth Game
Well I guess it’s safe to say that Jamie Lynn Spears was old enough to have her period. JLS played the “birthing game” to a bay girl this morning around 9:30 AM Mississippi time, which technically makes it around 9:30 1984, with her family by her side. I always assumed she would give birth in a cardboard box lined with old newspapers under the stairs….you know, kinda like the same way she got pregnant. Anytrash, a drunken source close the family has told People Magazine that “everyone is happy and healthy.” Really? Everyone? I’m not. I’m tired and pissed. Thanks for asking.
No word yet on what the name will be, but I’ll assume it will be some iteration of Lynn, Jamie, and/or Britney. Perhaps Jatney? My money is on that. Good day.
Jun
10
10
Tori Spelling Gives Birth
So Tori Spelling did not shoot her baby out of her vagina yesterday, June 9th. She had it cut out of her, like an alien. It’s called a c-section. That’s how that works, kids, so if you have any specific questions, ask your parents. We already knew that Tori was having a girl (6lbs, 8oz.), but we didn’t know her name…..until now. I was really truely hoping that the name would be “Donna” as that would have been awesome, but sadly it’s not. And the name is……Stella Doreen McDermott.
I know what you’re thinking, but I have to tell ya I love the first name, “Stella” as it is legit the name of my favorite beer. No joke. What could be better than that!? If she were my daughter every time I called her name I would probably grab a beer, which means I would be drunk most of the day, which means I would be a lot more fun…and fun = good parenting. See the cycle? If I were Tori, though, I would probably drop the name “McDermott.” There are many reasons for that, which I will explain at a later time.
Congrats Tori! Now get your ass back in 90210 shape! You have a set of stairs that Ray Pruit needs to toss you down and he shouldn’t have to lift your fat ass. Get to work.
Jun
09
09
Jessica Alba Has a Girl
Spoiler Alert! Jessica Alba gave birth to a healthy baby girl over the weekend at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles. I bet Alba was miserable during the whole experience and as soon as she gave birth she jumped out of the bed and started doing lunges to get her figure back. Congrats also go to husband and father, Cash Warren, who not only should be excited by the birth of his daughter, but also that he is now officially set for life. When that sham of a marriage crashes and burns at least he’ll still be getting regular monthly income. I mean, because at the end of the day this is really what it’s all about.
Mar
14
14
Donna Martin Gives Birth
Donna Martin has given birth to David Silver’s baby! It seems like just yesterday Donna was being tossed down a flight of stairs by her boyfriend Ray on 90210, but fast forward about 10 years and Tori Spelling has given birth to a son, Liam Aaron McDermott, who was 6 pounds, 6 ounces. Even Tori’s mother, Candy, was at the hospital to welcome this kid into his new “billionaire-rich” world. Candy and Tori have mended fences after their year long feud and Candy has told People Magazine, “Words can’t describe the joy and elation I feel at this truly happy event. I am looking forward to doting on my new little grandson and all the memorable fun that comes with it.”
Yeah, well don’t blow it Candy by being a beast. No word yet if Jim and Cindy Walsh will be flying back from Hong Kong to visit the new baby.
