More Mindless Stories on ‘audrina’

Teefs and Tats Night Out!

Me gusta when Teefs and Tats Patridge head out for a night on the town!  To me, these two are like the sluttier and toothier Olsen Twins.  Is that a word?  Sluttier?  It is.  Toothier is too.  I’m adding both to the dictionary…and the almanac…just because.  Anydeadeyes, Teefs and Tats Pats were all beaver teeth, covered beaver, sleepy eyes, and awkward smiles at the premiere of “Into the Blue 2″ in sunny Los Angeles, CA.  Audrina was sporting her best 8th grade graduation gown and her sister, Casey, made sure to show off her feminine tattoos.  Do you ever think that the photographers get pissed at these two because they never know where they’re looking?  As a sidenote there are thousands of actual actors out of work. 

You Know How Toilets Flush Backwards in Australia?

So you know how toilets flush backwards in Australia than they do in the America of the United States of the America of the US?  I wonder if Audrina’s ceiling eyes become more “basement eyes?”  I feel like this is a great question. I hope that d-bag that’s with her (who isn’t Justin Bobby) is analyzing her eye situation.  Doubtful though, since I’m pretty sure they’re doing the “I’m a little teapot” dance.  Although, I kinda do wanna tip Audrina over and pour her out…..or whatever the lyrics are.  I’m over it.

Audrina “Teefs” Patridge took an Australian harbor cruise in Walsh Bay just days before the MTV Australian Music Awards.  Did you know she will be hosting the red carpet at the award show?  What a treat for the viewers.  I feel like she’s 4 steps behind the lifeless Kim Kardashian when she tries to interview people on the red carpet.  Maybe she’ll hypnotize the viewers with her rack and teeth and nobody will be the wiser.

Audrina “Teefs” Patridge Gets Her Own Reality Show, World Implodes

Don’t call it a comeback, she’s been here for years.  Stick some toothpicks in your eyes and breakout the teeth whitener because Teefs Pats has just scored her very own reality show with Mark Burnett Productions. Sweet!  Just another reason for other countries to hate us! 

Audrina’s show, which I hope will be called something catchy like: “Teef and Rack”, or “Canceled After 1 Episode,” will follow Audrina on her professional and personal life.  Justin Bobby must be cutting himself some new jean shorts and spit-shinning his sparkly silver motorcycle helmet in anticipation of winning back Oddrina’s heart and becoming a reoccurring character on her show.  I’m hoping this happens because I still own www.JustinBobby.com and, well, I don’t want that site to die….the domain is too good!

Audrina will be peacing out of The Hills after this season along with Lauren “Sprouts a Mustache” Conrad and has issued this statment, “I wanted to collaborate with the best possible team for my first big project after The Hills.  Mark Burnett really understands my vision and I am excited about the concepts we’ve developed that will show people a different side of my life.”

Um, ok, so just to clarify: “Mark Burnett really understand my vision” really means “Mark Burnett is in awe about my ceiling eyes.”  And “will show people a different side of my life” really means “Besides my boobs, we’ll also focus on my ass.”

World implosion!  This new ”show” better be good enough to recap!  Ole!

Sidenote: Photos above are of Oddy shopping at Barney’s yesterday. Jealous?

Source It Up! 

The Hills Gang Goes to Hawaii! I Hope They Return the Tiki to Professor Whitehead!

Bonus points to whoever got my joke in the title and by “bonus points” I mean “imaginary nothings.”

For those of you, like me, who are are trying to fill the void in your lives ever since The Hills has been on hiatus, well do I have the perfect fix for you!  It’s two parts heroin, two parts Zima, and 1 part Hills pictures of the cast shooting scenes in Hawaii for the upcoming season that is set to air in March.  Was that a run-on sentence?  Eh, I’m keeping it.

The whole Douche-Bag-Bunch gased up what I will assume is DouK’s private jet, sipped some champagne, and got ready for some scripted fun in the Hawaiian sun.  Seriously everyone was there.  Well almost everyone.  Heidi and Steve Sanders seem to be missing from the group photo.  I’m sure they’re back in LA trying to find newer and more efficient ways to burn in hell.

While these photos don’t talk, they sorta do.  For instance, in the last photo you know Audrina is text messaging Lauren to ask her what her next line is.  Lauren hasn’t received the message yet because she’s too busy making sure LOser is following all of her commands that she laid out in a list before they left for the airport.

…In Other News…

What in the holy F is up with Audrina’s face?  Something is different and I can’t put my finger (giggity) on it.  Is she dipping into the Heidi Montag plastic surgery fund? Eh, Audrina was at the Grammy Awards last night and, well, I wasn’t…because that makes sense.  In other news…

~ Check Out the Coraline Movie Review ~ ABH
~ Jessie Simpson Keeps on Ticking ~ Websters
~ Grammy Award Photo Palooza! ~ CS
~ The Worst Grammy Clothes of 2009 ~ Ayyyy
~ Usher’s Wife Has a Bad Plastic Surgery Reaction? ~ POTP
~ Brad Jolie and Angie Pitt Hit the BAFTA’s ~ PB
~ Jessica Simpson Forgets How to Sing Too ~ FB
~ Terri Hatcher in a Backyard Brawl? ~ IDWYL
~ Gisele Models How to Read ~ Yeeeah
~ Jennifer Aniston Turns 40 for Ellen ~ BS
~ MIA Singing Pregnant at Grammy Awards…Ouch. ~ DSF