More Mindless Stories on ‘ashley olsen’

Is My Little Olsen Sassin’ Me?

Ohhhhhh the Olsen Sluts are pissed!  From the looks of it, it looks like they just knocked over a 7-11.  I bet their bags are filled with hot dogs and Slurpee’s.  Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Tanner-Gibbler-Olsen and her sister, Shecky Olsen, were all angry looks and side-eye huffs as they made their way through LAX over the weekend.  I like to picture the Olsen’s on a plane.  It makes me happy.  I bet they don’t have to pay for a seat if they sit on someones lap.  If I were on the plane I’d let Shecky Olsen sit on my lap and I’d put my hand up her shirt and turn her into a puppet.  We would, of course, reenact scenes from the Full House episode where Papouli kicked the bucket and Michelle asked Uncle Jesse if it was ok to cry.  It’s not ok, Michelle, it’s not.  You’re not ok.

An Indistinguishable Olsen Wears the Entire Dining Room Table

Looks like someone hit the jackpot at the “Papouli Checks Out of Earth” funeral yardsale. Oopa!  Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen tossed on Papouli’s old doily and his John Lennon sunglasses (he was a real hit in the 70’s) and headed out to perform victory laps all over the streets of New York City.  Maybe she was looking for Santa so she could give him his boots back? Similar to why Uncle Jesse’s last name changed from Cochran to Consopolis, one may never know.

While my goal in life is to stalk an Olsen, I would like to expand on that because, well, Oprah does tell us to dream big.  I would like to meet an Olsen (any Olsen) and ask her every Full House question I can think of.  In return, with each question, the Olsen is allowed to pummel me with pots and pans.  Oopa!

My Little Olsen, Slut Lips Olsen, I Like to Brush Her Curly Hair

Now here’s an Olsen for ya!  I’m not sure which Olsen this one is, but I’m going to guess, “Shecky Olsen?”  Shecky Olsen smeared on her whore-red lipstick, permed her hair like Kimmy Gibbler, and headed out to the 125th Anniversary of the Metropolitan Oprah House in Lincoln Center, NYC, yesterday.  125 years?  Isn’t America only like 100 years old?  I’m confused.

Anygeekburgerwithcheese, Michelle Tanner has really come a long way from her days of competing in the annual downhill soapbox derby championship, with the help of Aunt Becky, of course.  Sure she wanted to drop out of the race when Kenny made comments about who girls shouldn’t be in the race, but she stuck with it.  And look at her now!  Not only did she compete in the race, but she grew up to be a real grown up skank.  I bet Kenny is punching himself in the basket after realizing he could have gotten some flat Olsen ass.  We all make mistakes, Kenny, we all make mistakes.

Is My Little Olsen Going Grey?

I’m going to be in very big trouble, mister, for saying this, but I think my little Olsen is starting to go grey.  I’m noticing a little skunk patch on the top of the indistinguishable Olsen.  If you recall, Michelle Elizabeth Tanner lost her shiz when she was turning 5 and Danny Tanner and crew weren’t going to update her baby book anymore.  Next thing you know, skank-bag Aunt Becky goes into labor with those horrible twins (Nikki and Alex) and they practically ruin Michelle’s 5thbirthday.  How rude!  Sometimes I forget what I’m even writing when I get into “Full House” mode, but I beam with pride when I can remember intimate details of the episode in question.

Anytroll, Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen attended the Film Independent Spirit Awards over the weekend (for some reason) and even presented an award.  I’m almost certain the award category she presented was, “Best Way to Lose WeightBy Not Eating for 3 Days and Exercising Like Crazy In Order to Fit Into a Bathing Suit for Kathy Santone’s Pool Party.”  The winner, of course, was Donna Jo Tanner. She thanked her “chipmunk cheeks.”  It was a touching moment.

An Indistinguishable Olsen Smokes and Kisses. Looks Like She Learned A Lot from Gia’s Makeout Party!

Papouli must be rolling over in his grave right now. Oppa! Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen was caught smoking and making out with someone on the streets of New York City over the weekend.  Looks like someone learned a thing or two from watching reruns of the Full House episode titled “Gia’s Makeout Party.”  Even though Stephanie never wanted to makeout at that party you know it was only because her chin was getting in the way. How rude!  She looked like a geek burger with cheese when Danny showed up to bail her, soon to be, meth ass out of that party.  Where was I going with this?

Anytroll, this indistinguishable Olsen in question looks like a dream come true with her big sunglasses and lit cigarette that is millimeters away from burning her boyfriends face.  Honestly, I’d rather make sweet love to a used ashtray than put my tongue in that Olsen mouth that must smell and taste like Misty 120’s.  Smoking kills, stupid.  You have a billion dollars to spend.  Try to stay alive.