More Mindless Stories on ‘ashlee simpson’
02
Did Ashlee Simpson Somehow Revert Back to Her Old Face??
Someone dust off the old nose of Heidi Montag, because I think that Ashlee Simpson has found a way to revert back to her old face! See folks, this is why you should always keep your old parts in a Stride Rite box under your bed. You never know when you’re going to need them again.
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz was all “reminiscent face” while at the after-party for her debut in the musical “Chicago” in New York City the other day. The party took place at the Time Hotel, but who cares about that because I can’t seem to take my eyes off her “new look.” Legit if it wasn’t for the photo of Ashlee with Pete Wentz I would assume this was taken from the wrap party for “The Ashlee Simpson Show” on MTV. What, what, what!?!
Check out the photos below and let me know what you think….
05
Hey, Little Impressionable Girls of America, Don’t Worry….No Talent Needed. Apply Within!
No folks, your hungover eyes are not playing tricks on you. The pictures above are actually of two separate people. First, we have the talented singer with a new nose, new chin, and new boobs. Her name is Heidi Montag. She was also on a reality show on MTV. Second, we have a talented singer with a new nose, new chin, and new boobs. Her name is Ashlee Simpson. She was also on a reality show on MTV. See the difference?
21
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Have a Baby Named Bronx. J Lo, Likely, Pissed.
12
Ashlee Simpson’s Pregnant Rack
Yeah so we all know that Ashlee Simpson has a human growing inside her. Gross. It’s also old news. You know what isn’t old news? These recent pictures of Ashlee Simpson’s rack expanding as she was out in Hollywood the other day. And, what’s even better is that she was captured in the perfect pose for me to photoshop in a parrot on her hand and her head. And her head! What’s better than that? A big rack and parrots? All just seems right with the world.
29
Ashlee Wentz Knocked the Holy Hell Up!
19
In News I Thought Happened Last Week…
Ashlee Simpson and her fiance Pete Wentz are finally married. These two “entertainers” tied the knot in the backyard of Ashlee’s parents casa in Encino, CA. Joe Simpson, Ashlee’s creepy dad, officiated the wedding ceremony and probably deep-throated his daughter when Pete was supposed to kiss the bride. Oh, and as a predictable sidenote, Ashlee is 4-months pregnant. Shock. Oh, and she had a nose job. Oh, and she had her chin done. Oh, and Milli Vanilli didn’t really sing. Oh, and Magic Johnson has AIDS. Oh, and Dolly Parton’s boobs aren’t real. Oh, and wrestling isn’t real. Oh, and The Hills isn’t reality. Oh, Jack didn’t really trade his cow for some magic beans that grew a magic beanstock. Nicole Richie attended this ceremony and wore a purple dress. Seriously I hate these two, I hate this story, and I hate the fact that Nicole Richie was described being there “wearing a purple dress.” Who gives an F?
10
Ashlee Simpson Engaged: New Nose Worked
The new nose and chin shaving must have really done the trick because last night Ashlee Simpson announced that she is, in fact, engaged to Pete Wentz. Can someone check on Jessica because I’m pretty sure she is on suicide watch now and strapped to the bed…and not in the good way.
Ashlee and Pete released a joint statement:
“We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I, and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes – it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you and to hear it straight from us.”
You hear that? Ashlee and Pete think I’m the best. That was nice of them to say. It’s nice that they consider this such a “very private matter” that they told everyone “on the Internet.” Yeah no one reads that wild and crazy “Internet.” It’s just a flash in the pan.
Crazy ass Joe Simpson told People Magazine that he is “totally happy” and “so excited to have Pete part of our family.” I’d assume he’d continue on by saying “now I can finally start sharing Pete’s clothes and dressing younger and now I can FINALLY talk to Pete about what it’s like having sex with my daughter and not seem weird.”
10
…In Other News…
Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson (and their retarded dog) are caught leaving Starbucks and having over-priced coffee and donuts that will NEVER be as good as Dunkin Donuts. Also, Pete Wentz apparently is still sticking with that “Emo” look that about 5 other people are still trying to pull off. I don’t care about either of these two, BUT, my buddy Doug (Doug-e-Doug) is a huge Pete Wentz fan for some reason and Doug-e-Doug’s birthday is on Jan 13th, so here is a free gift to him. Happy B-day D! In other news…
~ Tom Cruise Does That “Oprah Hand Thing” Again ~ AgentBedHead
~ Tim Chapman Busted! ~ CelebritySmack
~ Britney Will Kill Her Kids. Awww Sweet. ~ PopBytes
~ Kitty Cat Dunst is Purdy ~ Yeeeah
~ Saleisha Still Dora ~ POTP
~ Michelle Rodriguez is Free ~ EvilBeet
~ Lindsay Lohan Still Hooking ~ NinjaDude
~ Ricki Lake and Some Giving Birth Stuff ~ DListed
15
Two Headed Simpson Sisters
Are the Simpson sisters the new Olsen Sluts? They better not be! Ok, ok, there is plenty of room for two sets of slut-bag sisters in this world. Ashlee and Jessica Simpson were at the “Visions of Hollywood” fiesta at the GQ Lounge. I’m not quite sure what that means and don’t really care. More importantly, at first I thought that was the Simpson’s mother, Tina, who was sitting with her daughters, but it isn’t. It’s actually Cheri Oteri, former SNL member. Really? Yes. How in the holy hell does she get in the Simpson mix? I should be in the Simpson mix, similar to Chex mix.
08
…In Other News…
Officially one haircut away from “The Rachel.” Ashlee Simpson and her boyfriend, Pete Wentz, were at Movieline’s Hollywood Lifestyle Awards in LA recently and I have no idea what that actually is. In other news…
~ Saint Jennifer Lopez de las Bronx Almost Take a Digger ~ CelebritySmack
~ How Pam Anderson Selects a Husband ~ AgentBedHead
~ A Message from KFED ~ PopBytes
~ Hilary’s Duffs ~ NinjaDude
~ A Prince Who Snorts Vodka ~ POTP
~ Future Hollywood Skanks ~ EvilBeet
09
Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz Are Dating. I Officially Had a Shot.
It has been rumored officially 4,562 times that Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are dating. Since I am an award winning (award to be determined) journalist I waited for one more instance of these two together before I “reported” on it. Ashlee and Pete were hand and hand (that’s how you catch chlamydia I think) while they were leaving Parc just the other night. People were surprised that they were holding hands in front of all the paparazzi. Do I care about any of this? Nope. I’m pissed actually. If this is true, I think I really would have a shot with Ashlee. Oh, and I’m not talking about the old Ashlee that looked like a Fraggle had dry-humped her head. I’m talking about the new nose and chin Ashlee or as I like to call her “the better Ashlee.” I’ve really learned my lesson about being superficial. Oh, and I don’t mean that I learned “not to be superficial.” I have learned that even if the chick isn’t that hot, but is rich you should totally date her because there’s always a chance you can talk her into some sort of plastic surgery. Sometime life teaches you some really tough lessons. However, my friends, you are never to old to learn. You may be too ugly to learn, but never too old. Words of wisdom from IBBB, words of wisdom.14
Ryan Phillippe Mocks the Poor & Starving
Ryan Phillippe mocks the poor and starving children of the world by throwing half eaten hamburgers at them. Either that, or he’s trying to help them by literally giving them his food. That’s nice. Actually Ryan was being photographed by X17 Online when he lost his shiz-nit and threw his hamburger (rather poorly) at one of the photographers. Maybe he was just sharing?
There have been rumors that Ryan and Ashlee Simpson have been hooking up recently after they both were forced to sit next to each other at Les Deux, the LA club, earlier this month. The two apparently hit it off and an random drunken source said, “Ashlee was really excited, you could tell she had a huge crush on him.”
Hopefully if this is true Ashlee likes hamburgers being thrown at her face. Something tells me that she does.
07
Ashlee Simpson Continues to Sing
Is it bad if I say that I’ll probably like her new music now that she looks better? Shallow is a great place to be.
20
Ashlee Simpson: Officially a Pilgrim
With Thanksgiving 9-months away, Ashlee Simpson wastes no time with her tribute to the pilgrims. In actual Ashlee Simpson news, Ashlee continues to make choices that may cause an increase in the deafening of Americans and citizens of the world. Ashlee had to recently turn down the role of Meryl Streep’s daughter in the film version of the ABBA musical “Mama Mia” because she is too busy recording her new album that she will be lipsynching to soon. Oh, and bonus points for digging deep in the joke bag for a good old “Ashlee Simpson lipsynching joke.”
This really is like “Sophie’s Choice” for Ashlee. I have to say her turning down the film is a real win for movie go’ers everywhere, but working on a new album is a major blow to music listeners everywhere. This, my friends, is what I call a “catch 22.” Now, I don’t use that phrase in the correct way, but either way someone is getting the shiz end of the stick. Wait, is that called a “crap shoot?” Either way, Ashlee should only be photographed and never listened to. I’m just kidding (no I’m not). Ashlee, call me. Just kidding (no I’m not). You can sing and act all you want (no you can’t).
06
Reason 768 Why Ashlee is Hotter
Ashlee was spotted leaving Mexicali Cocina Cantina the other day. How do I know that? Well, not only did I guess, but I read the sign and in the background.
