More Mindless Stories on ‘arrested’
27
Dudes Who’ve Been on Celebrity Apprentice are the New “Curse of the Women Who Won an Oscar”
First Jesse James, then Brett Michaels, and now Tito Ortiz. It hasn’t been the best few months for guys who have appeared on Celebrity Apprentice. TMZ, the trash barrel reporters, are telling the story that Tito Ortiz has been arrested and posted $50,000 bail yesterday morning for allegedly beating part of the bag out of Jenna Jameson. Hmm. Sounds like a fair fight to me. Loser.
TMZ later caught up with Jenna Jameson at her Huntington Beach home (after she came back from CVS with a brace on her arm) in which she told “reporters” that this is the first time Tito ever laid a hand on her, but it will be the last. Good for her. It’s never acceptable to hit a women….except in one case. And the case I am, of course, talking about is when Michelle Tanner threw her popsicle stick bird house on the floor after she found out that Papouli had died in his sleep. I always wished that Papouli would have come back to life to slap her in the face for trashing the house like that. So, that’s the only time it would be ok to hit. I think. I’m sure you agree.
29
One More Arrest and Michael Lohan Gets His 11th Arrest for Free!
The sky is blue. Bindi Irwin is a big B. Birds fly south for the winter. Homeless women on the street are probably just Tyra Banks in disguise doing a social experiment. And Michael Lohan got arrested again. Again. Again, again, again. Again. The classiest of all the Lohan’s, Michael was arrested yesterday after violating the restraining order that his ex-girlfriend, Erin Mueller, issued against him. Apparently Michael Lohan violated the order by calling Erin on the phone.
Seriously, what’s worse than white trash? Freckled trash? I think that’s it. Actually, I’m sure of it. Michael Lohan is absolute freckled trash. He’s freckled trash with that dirty orange fake tan that Lindsay uses on her face. Seriously this guy gets to roam the earth and Anna Nicole Smith is dead? Sometimes God plays tricks on people. Screw you, Rusty!
Somewhere in a college dive-bar in Jersey, Dina Lohan is reportedly doing dance spins with her fake weave flying all over the place in celebration.
25
Gary Coleman Arrested Yet Again. Yawn.
If Arnold serves time in prison, who will get temporary custody of his goldfish Abraham? Probably not Dudley as he’ll be busy getting diddled by some weirdo watching dirty cartoons. Anybain, Gary Coleman was arrested in Utah yesterday and charged with domestic assault. I swear to God if he put one finger on either Mrs. Garrett or Adelaide I’ll give him the spanking that Mr Drummond decided not to give him after he was caught throwing water balloons over the penthouse balcony! It’s a shame all the random episodes I remember from Different Strokes.
Gary Coleman, according to TMZ, is being held on $1725 bail (or the equivalent of 6 months of overtime for Gary). No further details have been provided at this time and, to be honest, once they are I may not update you so, well, let’s just leave the story right here.
29
Mess With Charlie Sheen and He’ll Totally Break Your Glasses
I didn’t even want to touch the whole Charlie Sheen/Brooke Mueller hoopla as white-trash with money always seems to irk me. However I did have to lift my personal ban once I read on TMZ how, according to an affidavit, Charlie Sheen took Brooke Mueller’s eyeglasses and then broke them in front of her. Geesh, why not just kick a puppy and slap a baby while you’re at it?
According to the TMZ report here are some other disturbing details, allegedly, that went down the night Charlie Sheen was arrested:
- Sheen used a switchblade-like device to threaten Mueller
- Police, once arrived, chatted with Sheen in the basement who informed them they were having marital problems and that Mueller “abused alcohol”
- Mueller threatened to divorce Sheen and take the children
- Both Sheen and Mueller were arguring that night and both slapped each other on the arm
- Sheen denies pushing, striking, strangling, or threatening Mueller with a knife
- Mueller claims Sheen pulled out a knife, held it to her throat and said, “You better be in fear. If you tell anybody, I’ll kill you”
- Sheen broke Mueller’s eyeglasses in front of her
So there you have it folks. He said/she said. I’m not sure who to believe partially because I don’t know them and partially because I don’t care. I think it was only recently that I realized that Charlie Sheen is not, in fact, Emilio Estevez. I always thought it was like that Michael Jackson/Janet Jackson/La Toya Jackson is the same person rumor.
18
Stephanie Pratt Arrested for DUI. My Money Was on Holly Montag.
Wow. They will stop at nothing to promote the upcoming crapisode of The Hills! At least they’re sticking with the theme: Drunken Undeserving Skankasauras’. According the my friends at TMZ, Stephanie Pratt was arrested in the early morning hours and charged with DUI in happy Hollywood, CA. I hope Heidi is praying for her.
According to TMZ, her bail was set at $5,000 or approximately what Frankie Delgado is hoping to get paid per season on The Hills. It has been reported that some drunk bastards outside of “da club” were taking pictures of Stephanie getting cuffed and, well, I’ve already added these alleged pictures on my list to Santa Claus, so hopefully these will surface soon.
I would have put money on HOlly Ethel Mertz Montag getting busted for DUI since this weeks crapisode of The Hills features HOlly getting trashed on the regular, an episode that I’m hoping makes it into the Hills Hall of Fame.
28
Heather Locklear Arrested
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Massive littering whilst having mom-face
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Public intoxication whilst having mom-face
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Jaywalking whilst having mom-face
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Trespassing the old set of Melrose Place whilst having mom-face
Please note the above picture is not Heather Locklear’s official mugshot, this is just simply creative and future award-winning photoshopping from IBBB. Also, somewhere Denise Richards is high-fiving Irv.
UPDATE: Heather was allegedly arrested for suspicion of driving while under the influence…all whist having mom-face.
UPDATE # 2: Ch-ch-check out Heather Locklear’s official mugshot. Were they shooting this through a screen? How come she didn’t pose it out like Paris, Lindsay, and Nicole? She could have at least smiled. Rude.
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28
Shia’s Truck is the Real Crime
By know you’ve heard of the Shia LaBeouf DUI accident from the other night. I say you heard about it before because it happened over the weekend while I was taking multiple naps and never blogged about it. Once I finally awoke from my sleep coma I saw pictures of Shia’s truck which is all banged up. Isn’t this the real crime? I mean, sure, driving drunk should never be done, unless you’re really really really concentrating. Ok fine, it should never be done. But this truck really is the crime. What multi-million dollar movie star drives a sea-foam green F150? No really, who? Oh and did I mention Shia’s a dude? Yeah, a dude driving the sea-foam express.
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05
LOL! Arrests Are Funny! OMG! LOL!
11
Check Out My Left Hook While My DJ Revolves It
Uh oh! Someone’s gonna have to explain their new black eye to the girls in work today! Vanilla Ice’s wife must have burnt the roast because police were called to the house of Vanilla Ice and he was arrested after he allegedly pushed her. Apparently this is something that you aren’t allowed to do even if you come home from a long day of work and dinner is still…not…ready. Note to self. Anyway, Vanilla Ice was booked by the Palm Beach County Sheriff’s deputies and was charged with domestic battery. I tried to call his wife, Laura, for comments on this situation, but immediately hung up the phone after I discovered that I don’t know her and don’t have her number. If I could have reached her I’d assume her comment would have been, “Ouch.” I, of course, would have told her to “Stop, collaborate and listen.”
27
Mischa Barton Arrested for DUI. Nice!
Lindsay who? Fine, so I’m reporting this about 12 hours after everyone else but it’s still worth mentioning that Mischa Barton, star of ???, has been arrested for driving under the influence, possession of a narcotics (narc alert!), driving with a suspended license, and for being a complete bore (ok I made that last one up). As a sidenote, what technically is a “Mischa?” Stupid. Hopefully she’ll get charged with a retarded name too. Mischa was using her car as a missile and declaring jihad on West Hollywood around 2:45 AM when she was driving in about 15 different lanes. Mischa was being held on $10,000 bail.05
Debra Lafave Arrested, Again
05
Shia LaBeouf Arrested
Regardless, the real police said that Shia was very “polite and courteous” and had posted bail before 7:30 AM. Too Shia Shia was charged with misdemeanor criminal trespassing along with 1 count of “who the hell wants to stay at a Walgreens?” He’ll be in court on Nov 28th. I’m not what the outcome will be, but I believe if found guilty Shia could face up to life in prison. Yeah, let’s go with that.
17
OJ Simpson Arrested in Vegas, Baby!
Technically, do you really need to be “armed” to be OJ Simpson and to rob someone? I’d think that just having OJ break into your place with a bag of feathers and glitter would be horrifying enough. I’d just pretend to already be dead. That, my friends, is why it’s always important to carry ketchup packets with you. You never know when you’ll need to play a stab victim. You just never know. Words to live by. Do what you will with it.
27
Lindsay Blames "The Black Kid"
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Monday night, Lindsay hopped in a car with three guys (Dante Nigro, Jakon Sutter, and Ronnie Blake).
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The guys got invited to a party in Malibu (not at Promises) with Lindsay.
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Dante and Lindsay’s assistants boyfriend were let into the party (the other two dudes weren’t). Dante claims Lindsay was never without a drink and even did a shot with her. Cheers!
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Lindsay and her assistant got into a fight and her assistant quit and Lindsay went nuts.
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The assistant hopped in a car and took off. Lindsay then jumped in the car that they guys were in and started driving.
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When Lindsay hit the gas Ronnie was so frightened that he jumped out of the car while it was going and Lindsay ran over his foot (awesome).
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Lindsay was going upwards of 100 mph on the Pacific Coast Highway and Lindsay said, “I can’t get in trouble. I’m a celebrity. I can do whatever the f*ck I want.” (karma)
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Finally, the chase ended and the cops gave Lindsay a sobriety test, to which she failed. When she tried touching her nose she almost fell over.
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Allegedly Lindsay then tried to convince police that “the black kid was driving.” Awww that’s sweet.
Is she kidding with that? First Mel Gibson, then Michael Richards, and now Lindsay Lohan. Let me ask you, are you supposed to be racist if you’re famous and intoxicated. Does this have something to do with Scientology?
24
Lindsay Lohan Arrested Again, Again, Again. Back to Jail for DUI and Coke!
Rumors are already starting that some coke was found in the car too. She must have one of those cards where every time you get arrested you get your card stamped. If you achieve 4 arrests you get one “get out of jail free” card.
Oh Lindsay, you crazy little minx. They should just put you down and call it a day. Back to Promises!
As more developments arise I will update you….a day later.
