Oh snap! Oh no you just did not! Similar to the rule of Oprah, don’t ever sass Aretha, especially when she’s just coming off a diet. So I guess Aretha’s leather thong is shoved to far up her Immaculate ass because she is not too happy with Beyonce and the Grammy’s overall. Here’s what went down (minus the food) after Beyonce introduced Tina Turner/Tina Knowles as “the queen. Aretha said, “I am not sure of whose toes I may have stepped on or whose ego I may have bruised between the Grammy writers and Beyoncé. However, I dismissed it as a cheap shot for controversy.”

First off, please don’t use “stepping on someones toes” lightly. If that actually we to happen the person whose toes were stepped on by Aretha would probably need their foot amputated and replaced with a wooden peg. Second of all, huh? Third, my eyes were the ones that were bruised when I was forced to watch Aretha sing gospel with her boobs not only hanging down to the ground, but swinging around like props from Cirque du Soleil.

While Beyonce couldn’t be reached for comment, her father/lover could and here’s what Matthew Knowles had to say: “Beyonce referred to Tina Turner as a queen. Not queen of gospel, queen of soul, queen of blues, Queen of England. I consider my wife a queen and sometimes call her that. Does Aretha have a problem with that?”

Ouch. Get ready for the smackdown Matty. Oh, and my money is on Aretha. And I hear she doesn’t use her boobs or ass as a weapon. Nope. She uses one of her many chins. Geesh just give her a hug and a hoagie and let’s call it a day.

Source It Up!

I’m sure you could tell by today’s random blog posts I need a little break from the Lindsay’s, Britney’s, Paris’, and Nicole Richie’s of the world and see what else is going on. When this happens it usually entails me thinking of random celebrities that are the opposite of who I usually write about and seeing what they’re up to. Therefore I present to you, Aretha Franklin. Did you know/care that Aretha is getting married next month? Yup, she is. And like any bride she’s looking to drop about 250 pounds before she walks (slowly) down the aisle. Well if it worked for Kirstie Alley and Valerie Bertonelli it can certainly work for Aretha and so Aretha has called Jenny (Craig) to help her lose the weight. However, don’t look for Aretha to be the next spokesperson for Jenny Craig because she seems to be bitching about the program even though she knows it works. The Aretha Monster has told “Sister 2 Sister” magazine (yes, that actually does exist),

“I’m at 1,750 calories a day and I’m starving…you just have to get used to the portions and changing your lifestyle. I lost 23 or 24 pounds to begin with, but it’s kind of a strain when you get to 23 or 24 pounds. That’s why I got off of it. It’s a strain because you’re eating the Jenny Craig type meals, which are very good. But you can only eat them for so long before you want some barbecue ribs or some pigs feet. Once you get off that Jenny Craig thing you start eating what you’ve been eating, it’s all over.”

Yeah, uh Aretha? Yeah, I don’t ever want pigs feet. I don’t want to think about eating pigs feet. I don’t want to think about you binging on pigs feet. See? Great. Now I’m picturing Aretha Franklin wearing cut-off jean shorts, sitting on the floor in front of her refrigerator, and eating pigs feet and crying. Gross. I gotta go now.

Who Said That!?!