More Mindless Stories on ‘anna nicole’
23
What Killed Anna Nicole Smith?
I’m going to wager a few guess on what I think killed Anna Nicole. Let’s see if I’m right on Monday:
- Anna chocked to death on Sugar-Pie’s hairball
- Zsa Zsa Gabor bitch-slapped her to death
- Her boobs exploded
- She snorted Trimspa and karate kicked her way out of a 4 story building
- Global warming
My money is on Global Warming, as it is a silent killer. Wait, or is that Carbon Monoxide?
15
Breaking News: Anna Nicole Smith Could Use a Computer
Anyway, TMZ.com has discovered that the wife of Anna Nicole’s bodyguard, Big Moe (no really) was on the computer at Anna’s bedside right before Anna died. While Big Moe’s wife is not a suspect or of interest at this point, the authorities are interested on some of the information on that computer.
Now my hypothesis is that Big Moe’s wife and Anna were playing a good old game of “Oregon Trail.” Big Moe’s wife was the “farmer” and Anna was the “banker from Boston.” They each had three oxen and spent a ton of time out in the forest trying to shoot squirrel and the occasional buffalo that moved really slow. The buffalo didn’t come that often, but when they did you could always kill them because they walked across the screen at a snails pace. Anyway, the “banker from Boston” typically died from typhoid, so my guess is that Anna Nicole Smith died from typhoid. Oregon Trail anyone? Anyone?
02
Only Anna Nicole From Here on Out
- Anna’s body is officially on its way to the Bahamas with high security following the body.
- Country star Joe Nichols is the one who will be singing graveside. Looks like I was wrong with my 5 guesses
- Plan on attending the funeral with your camera? Be prepared to shell out up to $5,000. That’s what the media is being charged to hang out at the funeral.
- John Travolta has said that he felt Scientology could have saved Anna. Oh, and also constantly watching “Grease” could have killed her.
- Trimspa baby!
02
Anna Nicole "Funeral Friday" Brought to You by Trimspa Baby!
I figured I am already going to hell for a variety of reasons so why no add just one more to the list by providing commentary on what is rumored to take place today. First, Anna will be buried in a custom made gown. I would have opted for the wetsuit that she sported in the Trimspa commercials. There have been over 300 guests that have been invited to an undisclosed church. Hmmm, this seems a lot like the Tom Cruise/Katie Holmes secret wedding to me. The church will be covered in pink flowers (Anna’s favorite color…or “colour” for those of you reading this overseas or in Canada) and there will be a surprise singer who will be belting out tunes. At this time, no one will disclose who this singer is, but I have it narrowed down to the following five superstars:
- The second girl who was kicked out of Destiny’s Child
- Niki McKibbin of American Idol Season One
- Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen (singing “No, I’m the Cute One” from their direct to video days)
- The grandmother from “Family Matters”
- Fergie
There is no doubt in my mind that this funeral will be an absolute circus. I also would not be surprised one bit if Ashton Kutcher came running into the funeral, Anna jumps out of the casket, and we all learn that MTV has just “punked” the absolute piss out of us.
16
Anna Nicole Watch: Is This a Skit?
Is it just me or is watching the Anna Nicole “news” coverage kinda like a skit? I sorta feel like I’m watching something on SNL, where Chris Farley would be playing Virgie – Anna Nicole’s mother. I was surprised when they allowed cameras into the “court room” that looked more like a conference room. The judge in this case is throwing out one-liner “zingers” left and right and he’s way to relaxed during the case. He literally is sitting way back, slouched down, in his chair. During the lunch break the judge requested that a swab be taken on the inside of Anna Nicole’s mouth for a DNA sample. Seriously, this is like a complete free-for-all. There’s no way I can keep up. It’s almost like going to one of those horrible murder mystery dinners. That’s totally what it’s like.
