More Mindless Stories on ‘angelina jolie’
Apr
19
Posted by IBBB
angelina jolie
While most 4 and 5 year olds are cracking up at Ernie and Bert and learning how to tie their shoes, Angelina Jolie was skanking up her kindergarten classroom. According to a recent article by
OK Magazine, when Angelina was around the age of 4 or 5 she was taking her clothes off and making out with boys. Angelina said, “I was a member of a group called the Kissy Girls. I was very sexual in kindergarten.”
Oh that’s sweet. Where the hell were the teachers in this school? At 4 years old I think, I think, I was still messing my pants. Skid marks for sure. Sexually active at 4? Nope. Later Angelina disclosed how she lost her virginity at 14 years old (I don’t think my voice even changed at 14) and then the interview took a turn for the worse. Angelina continued:
“I had started having sex with my boyfriend and the sex and the emotions didn’t feel enough.
I was no longer a little girl. In a moment of wanting to feel closer to my boyfriend I grabbed a knife and cut him. He cut me back. We had an exchange of something and we were covered in blood, my heart was racing. Then whenever I felt trapped, I’d cut myself. I have a lot of scars.
It was an age when I felt adventurous and after a few beers things happened.”
Uh, yeah….sure….awkward. Yes, cutting each other up after sex and being covered in blood is romantic. Oh and “after a few beers things happened?” After a few beers I could possibly have a small buzz, but at no point to I feel the need to grab a knife and start slicing.
I hope Angelina is still giggling about this when one of her 17 kids is “sexually active” in about 3 more months. Best wishes.
Apr
03
There is nothing that made me crazier than having to read stories about “Boy’s Father.” If you recall, “Boy’s Father” was the father of the boy (go figure) that Madonna adopted. It seems like every other week “Boy’s Father” was coming out of the woodwork to give an interview. Well, move over “Boy’s Father” because now there is “Boy’s Mother.”
The mother of Angelina Jolie’s (bless yourself) adopted son, Pax, is now coming forward to get her 15 minutes of fame. “Boy’s Mother” was a tragic heroin addict who left her newborn at a Vietnamese hospital when he was just two days old. Some say “tragedy,” I say “jackpot.” I’m sure this little kid is psyched he’s no longer living in poverty and wearing tissue boxes for shoes and now has Angelina Jolie has a mom and is crazy rich.
“Boy’s Mother” (Pham Thu Dung – exactly) has told reporters that she never signed the adoption papers, but will not try to get her son back. “Boy’s Mother” will also not try to get money from Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt even though she is poor. “Boy’s Mother” would like to tell her son “sorry” that she had to give him away.
Yeah, nice try “lady.” You may say you don’t want money now, but just wait when you see the house that you kid lives in. You’ll pull a “Boy’s Father” before you know it and will be hitchhiking to LA to visit your new friends “Angelina” and “Brad.” Oh, and as a side note “Boy’s Mother” is a heroin addict. That’s sweet. She should try selling drugs to kids in order to get out of poverty. I heard that works.
Mar
15
According to Multiple Persons Magazine the adoption is officially official for Angelina Jolie. Official.
Angelina adopted her 3-year old Vietnamese son and named him “Pax Thien Jolie.” What in the hell does that mean, you ask? Pax Thien means “peaceful sky.” Jolie and PaxMan will stay in Vietnam for about a week until PaxMan can get a passport.
I’m pissed. Angelina had another chance to adopt me and she passed up the opportunity. I already have my passport Angelina! Big mistake. Big mistake. I could have saved her like $60.00 in passport fees. Oh well, it’s too late now. No substitutions.
Angelina headed to the orphanage store early this morning to pick up her kid, but she was only with Maddox and not Brad Pitt. Angelina’s international advisor had said, “Brad very much wanted to be there but is under contract working on a film in Los Angeles and as a result couldn’t go.” Yeah whatever, you know he is sick of Angelina’s adoption addiction.
Oh well, good luck and congratulations. I’m tossing my name in the ring again when Angelina tries to adopt her 15th kid.
Mar
12
Posted by IBBB
angelina jolie
Angelina Jolie has recently said in an interview that she narrowly escaped kidnapping and ransom plot while she was traveling overseas performing her “do-gooding.” The plot to kidnap Angelina Jolie never came to fruition after the authorities had tipped her off. According to Angelina:
“It was in a small village, I won’t say where, or with whom, but some gangsters planned to kidnap me and extort a massive ransom. I was warned at the last minute, and managed to escape, luckily.”
You almost got away with it, Jennifer Aniston! Curses! Foiled again!
Angelina loves to visit the poor countries and help them as much as she can, by either donating her time, money, or adopting the children of these countries. Now don’t get the wrong idea about Angelina. She wants to make one thing clear. Angelina continued, “I don’t want to act like the Mother Teresa of Hollywood, but I want to help where there is poverty and destruction.”
Who Said Kidnap!?!
Feb
23
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are allegedly in the process of adopting, yet another, child. This time they are dipping into the kiddie-pool of Vietnam. A random source in Vietnam has told US Weekly that they have filed papers with the US Citizenship and Immigration services to adopt a boy from the Tam Binh orphanage in Ho Ch Minh City. Yeah, I don’t know that 4 of those words meant.
Oh one hand I say good for them. On the other hand I say we have plenty of kids here in the US that need adopting. On the other other hand I say why do I care what they do. It’s not like they asked me for permission. The point being, I have 3 hands. Why don’t they just do it the old-fashioned way? Wait, are they trying to form their very own United Nations? Hmmm, interesting. I’ll have to look into that.
In other Angelina Jolie news, it is rumored that she has dropped to 109 pounds (26 kilograms – I have no idea what it is in kilograms, but I’m trying to appeal to my international audience) as she has been grieving for her mom who passed away a few weeks ago. Another random source told US Weekly that, “She isn’t eating. She is very lonely and desperate to make new friends.” Jeeze, just buy stuff. Doesn’t money make you feel better? It would make me feel better. Give me some of that money and I’ll let you know.
Angelina Jolie has recently said in an interview that she narrowly escaped kidnapping and ransom plot while she was traveling overseas performing her “do-gooding.” The plot to kidnap Angelina Jolie never came to fruition after the authorities had tipped her off. According to Angelina:
