More Mindless Stories on ‘angelina jolie’

What Kind of Pills? Like, Flintstones Chewables?

Sometimes I think the cover is better than ever finding out what the real story is about.  Has Angelina Jolie threatened Brad Pitt?  Will she swallow a bottle of pills if he goes back to Jennifer Aniston?  I have no idea, but you know what?  It would make things a bit more entertaining.  If the “dark secret” is that he was a guest star in two episodes of “Growing Pains” we already know that.  Let me know how that whole “pill thing” goes.

Families Who Sass the Paparazzi Together, Stay Together

If looks could kill you would be an uzi, you’re a shotgun – bang! what’s up with that thang, I wanna know, how does it hang? Straight up, wait up, hold up Mr. Lover, like Prince said you’re a sexy mother….

Angelina Jolie, of the Jolie-Pitt dynasty, took the children out to see Mary Poppins in New York City over the weekend.  I’m not sure if they went to see the play or if Ang (that’s what I call her) just paid Julie Andrews hundreds of thousands of dollars to jump off the roof with an umbrella in her hand.  It’ a real toss up at this point.

Seriously, I hope as soon as they got back in their van she told those kids that if they keep making faces like that they’re going to freeze that way for life.

Angelina is still in NYC filming her upcoming spy-thriller film, “Salt.”  In this film she sports bangs so, well, I’m sure this transformation will get her an Oscar nom.  Every time I see a photo of Ang all I can hear is her yelling, “I want  MY son back!”

Angelina Jolie Gets “The Rachel”

In a surprise twist of fate, Angelina (or “Angie” as those closest to her, like myself, call her) has officially got “The Rachel” for her new movie.  Score one for Angie!  If only she was scratching the back of her head while saying her lines she would have her Jennifer Aniston impersonation down to a science.

Fine, you caught me.  Jolie doesn’t have “The Rachel.”  She’s just wearing a blond wig for a new movie that she’s filming called “Salt.”  Either that or she’s playing “Salt” and Aniston will be playing “Pepa.”  Wouldn’t that me a treat for both the eyes and the ears?

I thought “Angie” was retiring from movies so that she could focus all of her efforts on staring people down on the red carpet and giving you half-ass answers when asking her anything about her personal life?  Similar to Michael Jordan, she is briefly out of retirement.  Maybe she’ll even yell, “I want MY son back!”  That line gives me nightmares.  Ok, all done.

This Time Last Year: Angelina Jolie, the Helper.

Happy Friday and welcome back to everyone’s favorite lazy segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with Angelina Jolie…this time last year…

Brad and Angelina are Totally Giving Me Money!

Jackpot! According to Us Weekly, who have taken a week off from blowing the cast of The Hills, Brad and Angelina are giving $1 million to kids affected by the war! Finally the war is working in my favor! I have no idea what I’m going to spend the on, but I know it’s going to be on something big like a kegerator or something. I deserve it as I am affected by the war. The war has really ruined my television viewing experience since every time I turn it on there’s always another story about it. Blah blah, Osama bin Laden….blah blah blah, oil…..blah, blah, blah Baghdad Bob. Enough. Now give me my money!

Oh wait, there’s one stipulation I guess. I must be a child living in Iraq. Ugh. I knew I should have moved once they took Laguna Beach off the air. The Jolie-Pitt Foundation will give $500K to Iraqi kids and $500K to American kids who lost a parent while fighting in Iraq or just have a parent who is currently in Iraq. If I ship my dad off for a “vacation” to Iraq does that count? I’m just kidding, dad, there is no vacation planned for you.

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