More Mindless Stories on ‘america's next top model’
17
…In Other News…
Shit. Eating. Grin. In other news…
~ Lohan Looks Like She Stinks ~ ABH
~ Is Paris Replacing Lauren Conrad? ~ Websters
~ A-Rod Sucks ~ CS
~ Christina Ricci Off the Market ~ POTP
~ I Guess Drew Barrymore Isn’t a PC ~ FB
~ Everything is A-OK for Kim Kardashian ~ IDWYL
~ Brooke Hogan the Rapping Stripper ~ PB
16
Not on Tyra’s Watch, Damn It!
Who dares to cause chaos at Tyra’s America’s Next Top Model try-outs? Answer me damn it! At a casting in Midtown (NYC) over the weekend a car overheated and the “models” trying out began to scream there was a bomb and pushed over barricades and ran for their catwalking-loving lives! This is actually not a joke. It really happened. 6 women were injured and 3 people were cited for starting a riot.
Ok, so here’s the part that isn’t funny, but it kind of is. One girl was quoted as saying, “The girls were running like it was 9/11 Part II.” Ok, so you totally know that Tyra put that girl up to it just so any time someone talks about 9/11 Tyra can be like, “I totally relate. I had my own personal 9/11 that was much worse than the original.”
Wouldn’t it be awesome if this was really just a “test” from Tyra? Who can walk the fiercest over a barricade when a car explodes? Now that would be a reason to watch the next season. I’m surprised Ms. J did come out of the exploding car in high-heels.
05
Clay Aiken Heading to America’s Next Top Model
According to the crack-whores at Us Weekly, America’s Next Top Model is about to get a whole lot sassier. Clay Aiken is scheduled to appear in the new season in an April 8th episode where he’ll be working with the models in an acting challenge.
Um, I don’t want to judge, but, uh, for about 20-something years Clay was trying to “act” as a straight man and, well, we see how that turned out. Not. So. Convincing. It’s kinda like having Nikki Blonsky giving “healthy eating tips” to the girls. Ok all done.
14
Like Attracts Like. Tyra Brings the Crazies.
Oh where to begin? Where. To. Begin. After I came across (not literally) the picture of Jaslene, I ended up digging up some pictures of Tyra and her gang of lunatics at the Oxygen Media Launch Party for “America’s Next Top Model: Obsessed.” Yeah. Doesn’t that already exist? Isn’t it already called “All Day Saturday’s and Sunday’s on MTV and Vh1?” I’m pretty sure they’re more obsessed with ANTM than any other channel possible. But I digest.
20
Who Won America’s Next Top Model Cycle 11
Well folks another season of America’s Next Top Model come to a close. Bid adios to Jenny recapping the crap out of this show. I’ll have to hire her for another series recap. In the meantime, here’s what she said went down last night on the season finale of America’s Next Top Model:
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It’s the season finale! Freedom……freedom…..cuz I don’t belong to you….and you don’t belong to me…..TYRA!
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Well, it’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Who will be crowned America’s Next Top Model? I think it would be a real sweet treat if Tyra just said the hell with it, and crowned herself America’s Next Top Model.
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Here’s some trivia. I was watching Jepoardy! tonight….and Jay Manual was one of the clues. Evidently, he was an aspiring opera singer before he fell into Tyra’s clutches on ANTM. Talk about having your life take a left turn.
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Side note, it is FREEZING! Christ on a horse! I can’t get warm.
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Looks like the ladies will be shooting a Covergirl commercial. How original and new. It’s half Dutch/half English. Dinglish?
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One girl is going to get the peace out, while the remaining two stomp their way down the runway like horses with their hooves on fire…
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Tyra takes this opportunity to teach us how to smile with our mouths closed and be sexy….and smile with our mouth closed and NOT be sexy. That Tyra really gets it. But what is she wearing? She looks like those Asian guys that host Most Extreme Elimination Challenge….the one that they dub into English
Analeigh is eliminated from the show. Honestly, how did Sam get into the finals? I call shenanigans.
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The “runway” is set up like an obstacle course. They literally have to run up the hill in order to avoid rolling backward like hedgehogs. Again, noticing the Most Extreme Challenge theme…
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Tyra and the judges take us on a cycle 11 stroll down memory lane….Through the years…….
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Well don’t keep us in suspense any longer! Who is going to win the cover of Seventeen Magazine, a life long pen-pal relationship with Miss Jay, a photo in the mail each month of Tyra and 20 years worth of Rice-a-roni? MCKEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And the best part is, she keeps picking Tyra up and swinging her around like a rag doll…
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This concludes another cycle (not menstrual) of America’s Next Top Model. I’ll be in negotiations with Mr. IBBB about a hay-penny raise. If it goes through HR and is approved by corporate, I’ll see ya next go ’round! Take care and Happy Holidays. I’ll be stuffing all your stockings with the ANTM DVD. Or not.
