More Mindless Stories on ‘american idol recap’

American Idol Recap: Who Goes Home

Ah yes, the Idol is back and is just about ready to kick off 4 people so I thought it was the perfect time to recap that absolute piss out of last nights episode. Who stays? Who goes? How many times will Simon ask Paula what Ryan said? How many peace finger signs will Randy throw up? How many different ways will Paula clap during the show? All this and much much less is answered below. Here’s how the shitstorm went down:

• Perfect! Simon already asked Paula what Ryan just said and Paula whispers that she can’t hear him. Really? He’s standing about 5 feet from you and is talking directly to you. Why is Paula all normal during the first few audition episodes, but then turns into everyones crazy medicated grandmother during the live shows?
• Randy’s dressed like he’s heading to the sock-hop right after the show.
  Paula is trying to say that these kids should have tried to get record deals before they tried out or they shouldn’t be on the show. At least I think that’s what she said. She may have been discussing a recipe for chocolate chip pancakes with a side of home-fries. I’ve lost track.
• Is Ryan fat this season?
• Oh crap. Now’s just about the time when I get embarrassed for myself. The guys are singing as a group and are dressed in suits. That one kid looks like Vanessa Minillo. I forget his name. And the kid with the long blond curly perm looks like Farrah Fawcett.
• Great, here come the girls. Many of them have scarves on their heads. They are now officially dressed for their 60’s routine?
• Wow, it’s only been 12 minutes and I already hate myself more this time this year then last year when Idol was on. This must be a record.
• David Archuletta is officially the Melinda Doolittle from last year.
• Oh, the kids name is Danny Noriega. He’s the one who looks like Vanessa Minillo.
• Jason Castro, for sure, will shoot the place up if he’s kicked off. For sure.
• The kid who looks like Farrah Fawcett just got the boot.
• Garrett, clearly, did such a good job the other night that he got the boot and gets to sing his crappy song again. Why is his mom on stage? He’s totally gonna get stuffed into a locker for that on Monday.
• Amanda Overmyer. Not only does she look like my old lunch lady, but I believe this chick is currently on Big Brother. Is that possible? Maybe they let her out of the house 3 times a week for the Idol?
• Katie Malloy is the skank of the season…I hope. Someone check myspace.
• They tried to pull the old switcheroo with Kristy. She gets to stay, but Amy Davis gets the boot. Good luck with the porn career Amy!
• Paula just told her to “paint that door and that knob.” Huh? She really said that. Does Paula smell burnt toast? Is she having a stroke?
• Holy Mc Skat Cat! They’re playing Paula Abdul’s new music video, which I believe it titled, “Dance Like There’s No Paula Abdul.” I’m already turning red. Oh crap Randy is playing the guitar. Is that Tila Tequila in the background dancing? Oh God this would be like watching your parents singing on stage. Gulp.
• Remember when they stretched out Paula Abdul’s body for the “Promise of a New Day” video? That was brilliant. I miss those days.
• What is the point of this show? Paula is just basically selling herself. I’m confused. Is this still a singing competition?
• Joanne got the boot and looks like she couldn’t care less. I know I couldn’t.
  All the other girls are crying like they are spraying Joanne with bullets as she sings. There’s a war going on. This is ok.
• Colton gets the boot. Vanessa Minillo is already crying in the background.
• Simon tells Colton to get a job and sing on the side because he’ll never make it as a singer. Awesome. This kid should be on dirt nap watch.

This is finally over. It’s painful. Wanna read more about American Idol? Check out this site: American Idol 411

Become MYSPACE Friends With IBBB and Share Your Favorite American Idol Moments…or Don’t

Dear American Idol Contestants,

Dear American Idol Contestants,

Reasons Why I’m Not Looking Forward to American Idol This Week

Yeah so “The Idol Machine” is back in full force this week and I’m not looking forward it all. Here’s why:

• It’s Hollywood week which means that people are going to be singing the worst songs, which will probably include but not be limited to: “Sugar Pie Honey Bunch,” “My Girl,” “Baby I Need Your Loving.”
• Heavy women will belt out “Band of Gold.” I will remember reasons I dislike this show.
• Paula’s eyes will fill up when someone sings a song that doesn’t really sound that good to me and she’ll say something along the lines of, “You really touched me with your voice, your spirit, and your zest for life.” I will immediately remember Paula dancing with a rapping animated cat in 1989.
• Randy will ask 99.9% of the people how they felt on stage and if they had a good time, dog. I will Google if you can regain the weight after having gastric bypass surgery.
• 13 people will forget their lyrics and 4 of them will blame others in the hotel being too loud the night before. I will recall time when I was sleeping the night before a major final exam my senior year of college and one of my rommates (Doug) set a pizza box on fire and threw it out the window.
• Paula and Simon will get into an “unplanned/un-rehearsed” fight and one of them will walk off stage. I will know this is rehearsed and will long for the days of the new season of The Hills.
• I will sit in amazement of the amount of performers on stage who are crying that they are single parents and are doing this for their kids at home (probably chained to the radiator) and then the next scene will cut to them drinking beers in the hot-tub/hotel pool.
• I will be tricked 8 out of 10 times when they call people in groups to the front line and then will send them home. I always think they’re the ones who are staying.
• Finally, I will sit and try to figure out who has a criminal past and/or has been in porn.

Yes I complain about The Idol, but I will, sadly, probably (definitely) watch it. Damn them.

American Idol Finale: Thank Christ

So it’s finally the American Idol finale and I already regret committing to watching this for 2-hours. Who will win? Blake? Jordin? Who cares? So here’s how the American Idol finale went down. Please note that I am dumber for watching…and I’m ok with that.

• Hmmm, Blake and Jordin kick off the night singing together. I already hate myself for watching this. Clearly, I’m a 13 year old girl.
• As a side note, Jordin is about 5 feet taller than Blake. She’s kinda like Barney.
• Uh, ok now Gwen Stefani is live from her concert. What does this have to do with Jordin or Blake winning American Idol?
• Great, now Kelly Clarkson is here to sing. I’m actually glad she’s there. It’s good for her to show the other contestants that no matter how famous you get, you can still be a fat-ass and the money will still pour in. What does this have to do with Jordin or Blake winning American Idol?
• Why is Kelly Clarkson always so angry? That’s not healthy…or entertaining.
• Somehow American Idol decided to slow things down by giving away awards for random people during the season. In other words, if you’re retarded you may get an award. My site should be up for many many awards.
• So the chick that dressed like Big Bird won an award. She makes out with Ryan on stage. Clearly that’s the only action he’s ever received from a woman. Seriously, how is this lady on TV and not me. If I wasn’t alone and sitting on my couch I would be convinced I was on an acid trip. Also, what does this have to do with Jordin or Blake winning American Idol?
• Hey! Sanjaya is back on stage with the other 6 dudes who were on the show. Oh, and their singing. Again, in typical American Idol fashion they’re all wearing white suits. How’s your subliminal racism?
• What a surprise! Smokey Robinson comes out to sing. The crowd screams like they have any clue who this is. I’m puzzled that Smokey Robinson is still alive.
• Oh Christ. Blake now is having a “beat-box-rap-off.” Is this a joke? Sadly no. I’m already in the process of shredding my passport and moving to Canada. Yes. Canada. Dear Blake, kill yourself. Signed, IBBB.
• Now the top 6 girls are out singing on stage. Wow, what a surprise, they’re all in white. Racists. They’re singing “I Heard it Through the Grapevine.” Gladys Knight appears and the crowd, again, screams like they know who she is. You know she’s going to start singing “Midnight Train to Georgia.”
• Yup, she’s singing “Midnight Train to Georgia.” Again, what does this have to do with Blake or Jordin winning American Idol?
• Sweet! They’re showing people in the crowd! These people consist of Justin Guarini and David Hasselhoff….or as I like to call it, “Justin Guarini looking into a crystal ball.”
• Now enters Tony Bennett. He’s sing-talking “For Once in My Life.” Oh crap. Now he’s yelling. He’s yelling it like a grandfather yells at his imaginary friends.
• Wow! Jordin and Blake just won a Ford Mustang. Blake does a horrible “Borat” impression. I officially hope he loses. I also hope his car somehow backs over him.
• Hey, it’s Carrie Underpants! I’m surprised she isn’t wearing short-shorts. Oh, and by “surprised” I really mean “disappointed.” I feel like she isn’t as good of a singer without her short-shorts. She’s also less interesting.
• And..enter Clive Davis who, clearly, is still alive. Wait, is that Rudy Guiliani?
• Sanjaya is back on stage. He continues to sing-talk. Again, what does this have to do with weather Blake or Jordin win American Idol.
• Great! They cue that little girl who cries. I am about 3 minutes away from jumping out my 30th floor window.
• Wow it’s Taylor Hicks. How did they ever get him to appear? Do you guys still think it’s funny that you voted for him because he had grey hair? Yeah, not so cool anymore, right?
• Rubin Studdard is here too. I thought he died from gastric bypass. Wait, unless they’re doing the same thing they did with Elvis a few weeks ago. Hmm, tricky.
• Bette Miler is now singing “Wind Beneath My Wings.” No really, she is. Why? No clue. I’m surprised that even after 15 years of this song coming out it still makes me want to kill myself. You know what, Bette, you fly higher than an eagle. Screw you.
• Ok it’s officially been 1 hour and 45 minutes. There is still no winner.
• And the winner is….Jordin. Good night.
• Wait, seriously Paula is crying like she just won. Good night.

American Idol Isn’t Over Yet?

• Hmmm, does Paula have a new nose? Where are her bruises? She should have worn one of those big nose and mustache with sunglasses disguise.
• Ryan makes some bad joke about Paula’s dog being a bitch. Seriously, I could write better jokes than that. Ok, well maybe not better, but certainly meaner.
• They have an actual “coin toss” to see who chooses if they go first or second. Yeah, this isn’t the Superbowl. This is the worst competition in television history. If I won the coin toss I would have walked off the stage.
• Blake wins the coin toss (by the way the coin looked like a casino chip from the MGM Grand in Vegas) and he decides to go first.
• Blake sings Bon Jovi’s “You Give Love a Bad Name (or whatever it’s called). Of course he beat boxes the bitch out of the song. It was horrific. Right now my friend Janine must be punching her TV. Is this song supposed to sound like an opera with strobe lights? Maybe.
• By the way, Randy Jackson is wearing a Michael Jackson jacket, equipped with gold chains on the sleeves and shoulders.
• Paula gave Blake a “10 + 10+ 10+ 10.” No really, she did. Paula’s dog is officially smarter than her.
• Jordin sings “Fighter” by Christina Aguigrtklerkla. She sounds out of breath. She’s kinda talk-singing. Uh-oh, is she the female version of the male version of the female version of Sanjaya. Where the hell is he/she by the way?
• Back to Randy. Could he clear security with that jacket?
• Paula grabs the mic again like she’s on The Price is Right. I missed that over the past few weeks. $1.00 Bob, $1.00!
• Why is Ryan dressed like he’s the banker in Monopoly?
• Blake is back singing a Maroon 5 song. I’m switching over the Red Sox/Yankees game. Sweet, the Sox are up 3 – 0. Suck on that, Yankees.
• Does Blake dye his hair in between commercial breaks?
• When Paula gives her “thoughts” she says something about getting the first song out of his back and then told him to relax. Uh, only Frankie says relax.
• Jordin is back up singing some country song…A Broken Wing? Broken Wings? Break and Wink? I’m not sure what it is.
• What do you think Justin Guarini is doing right now?
• So, some random dudes wrote a song for the finale, called “This is My Now.” Without even hearing it I already know it’s going to be about chasing a dream and a goal and then achieving that goal.
• Yup, that’s what the song is about. I’d prefer to call this song “A Moment Like This 2.0″
• I’m surprised how much blood can actually pour out of ones ears.
• Jordin takes a shot at singing the same song. Wait, is this the same song? Clearly created for a girl to sing. Oh those tricky little American Idol producers!
• Poor Jordin can’t finish the last note because she starts to cry. Yeah, nice touch. Take the onions out of your bra.
• So who will win? My vote is for Nicki McKibbin, season 1. No?

What is American Idol Even About?

Seriously, what is American Idol even about anymore? I get that the first night is about the singing. It’s also about Paula Abdul jumbling her words and clapping, but I digress. The second night is a complete train-wreck. The results take about 11 seconds, the remaining hour is a mix between Sabado Gigante on the Spanish channel and one long commercial. No joke. I feel like all they do is try to sell me crap and get me to watch other TV shows and movies. For example, last night Bill Maher was in the audience. Why? Oh, and then Jessica Alba showed up to promote her move (I think it was The Karate Kid Part 5). Ok fine, it was good to see her. Then Michael Chiklis was there. Is he still in The Commish? Of course there was plenty of time for the American Idol kids to awkwardly sing as a group and do horrific dance moves. Well, they aren’t so much “dance moves” as they are them just walking in circle, single-file, for some odd reason. I’m glad they saved time for Barry Gibb to sing a song. Yes, Barry Gibb. I mean all the gold that he had on (fingers, wrist, neck) was totally worth it. He seemed so happy to be singing on stage. I was embarrassed for him…and myself a little. Later (in the last 2 minutes) they announce that Lakisha will be going home….hopefully for a nice set of braces. I will never get that hour of my life back again, ever. Fine, I’ll watch next week.

Idol Gives Back, I Give Up

• Uh, did Ellen and Ryan have the same haircut? I mean, I know they’re wearing the same suit, but just needed some clarification on the haircut.
• Earth, Wind, and Fire just took the stage. This dude is singing so high only dogs can hear him. Well, dogs and J Lo fans.
• Oh crap, they’re trying to create another “We Are the World” song. This never works. They do this after every national disaster. I think they usually sell like 15 copies of the new songs. Next.
• Yowza now they’re singing the new “We Are the World” song. I think this song is actually hurting donations.
• Was Ben Stiller funny? This is like a really bad telethon. Actually, this is just like the telethon they did on Full House when they ler DJ, Stephanie, and Michele sing and dance. I will be pleasantly surprised if Kimmie Gibler comes out on the Idol stage on a unicycle. Fingers crossed.
• Uh-oh, Paula is out talking to kids at the Boys and Girls club. She’s kinda pulling a “Tyra” because just as the kids start talking about their problems, Paula cuts in to talk about her issues. Brilliant. Speaking of which, I hope Tyra somehow makes it on the Idol stage. Again, fingers crossed.
• Ouch. Il Divo is on stage. Ouch. I believe “Il Divo” is translated to “Kermit the Frog Impressions.” Now don’t quote me. I’m not 100% sure. I mean, I don’t speak Chinese.
• Carrie Underwood was out in Africa singing, “I’ll Stand By You” to the poor little kids. That’s sweet. Although, you know what may have been more helpful? Yeah, if Carrie had some food or money or something. I mean, these kids are starving. The last thing they need is a sing-a-long. I don’t think they even know this song. Ok, well bonus points for wearing hot-pants in the jungle.
• Hey even Tom from Myspace was there! I would have asked him if his tech team fixed my “sorry an error has occurred” message.
• Hmmm while Paula was on stage I think she was “giving back” her boobs to the American public. Good for her at 64!
• Why? Why must they continue to have the “Idol Kids” create these stupid car commercials? I’m embarrassed. No more please. Thank you.
• Watching famous people lip-sync to “Staying Alive” is more entertaining than I thought. Sure the clips were real quick, but at one point I saw Kirstie Alley dressed as a priest, Terry Hatcher dressed like a 16 year old, “Ross from Friends” acting like “Ross from Friends,” and Golide Hawn looking like Nana. This segment alone was enough for me to give up these 2-hours of my life.
• 1-hour and 13 minutes into this telethon and still no sign of Oprah. Cheap whore.
• In the worlds worst surprise, Celine Dion is singing a duet with Elvis. Hmmm Elvis is actually on stage. Clearly, he’s dead so bonus points for Celine using her “acting skills” ti look at him like he’s standing there with her. I say donate an extra $4.00 for those acting skills.
• Update: I just contacted Elvis via my Ouija Board and he is, in fact, dead. Sadly, Celine is not. Ouch.
• Great, Madonna is in Africa. I hope her British accent doesn’t rub off on them. They’ve already suffered enough.
• No one got the boot this week since this was a “charity week.” Great thanks. I watched for nothing.

American Idol Gives Back

• Chris Richardson sang “Change the World” and to no surprise sounded like Justin Timberlake. If this wasn’t for charity, I’d say, “don’t vote.” Oh hell. Don’t vote.
• Apparently all you need to do to get the audience to scream and clap is simply stand up. Good thinking Chris. I’d stand up more often. You’d probably get a few more votes.
• Dear Randy, please stop talking like you’re 16 yrs old. Thanks for your cooperation.
• Melinda literally shook her head left to right the entire song. We get it. You have a twitch. I think shaking your head left to right symbolizes “seriousness” while shaking your hips left to right signals a secret message to Shakira. But, I digress.
• I love when Paula calls contestants “magical.” No, you’re magical Paula, you’re magical. You ride on a magical unicorn into the heavens and hi-five Amelia Earhart. Thanks Paula.
• “Imagine” Blake Lewis didn’t beat-box?
• Sweet, Paula continues to talk directly into the microphone. $1.00 Bob, $1.00!
• Lakisha sings Fantasia. Hopefully, Lakisha doesn’t plan on taking any dirty pictures with her cell phone like Fantasia did. Yowza!
• This time Paula grabs the microphone in order to talk even louder and ever more direct into the mic. Halfway through I feel Paula has a stroke. Perhaps she was electrocuted from touching the mic.
• Phil Stacey…I’m sorry, I fell asleep. There’s a chance I lapsed into a coma. The doctors are still trying to decide.
• Jordin Sparks sings something depressing. This whole show depressed me. Half the songs made me feel like I was in a Disney Cartoon and not in a good way.

Sanjaya’s Smile Makes Me Nervous

(Please sing the next 3 sentences to the tune of “How Much is that Doggy in the Window”)

How much is that pedophile in the window, the one with the stringy perm. How much is that diddler in the window. I do hope that diddler is registered.

American Idol: Country Music. Ouch.

• Phil Stacey is singing some song I don’t know. I don’t know a lit of country music so I assume I’ll be typing this a lot. Does his shirt have little mirrors all over it? Fancy. I’m sure the crew at a country bar like fancy flashy shirts like that from their performers. Dear Phil, please use police escort to get to your car after the show. Best of luck. IBBB.
• Uh, does Paula smell burnt toast? Is she having a stroke? I think she literally picks random words from the dictionary and puts them all together to form a slurred sentence.
• Jordin is singing one of Martina’s songs, which I don’t know either. I did notice, however, that Jordan has man hands. What? Just an observation as the song helped me drift slowly to sleep.
• I think Paula just had her second stroke of the night.
• Sanjaya is up next. I think he’s trying to look tough with his red bandanna. His perm is too high so he looks more like Carrot Top and Rhea Perlman all in one.
• Sanajaya sings “Something to Talk About.” Fitting. Very fitting…not because people talk about him, but because he talk-sings and he sing-talks. He never just sings.
• Uh, how about we give ‘em something to sing about. Ouch. Sanjaya hurt my ears. No really.
• Wait, did Paula just call Sanjaya gay? I think she did.
• Lakisha is singing Carrie Underpant’s Jesus Take the Wheel. I say, Jesus take the dessert cuz Lakisha needs a break. Sure that was a low blow, but it’s country music week and I’m falling asleep.
• Why does Paula talk directly into the microphone like she’s bidding on the set of golf clubs on “The Price is Right?”
• Chris is singing a Rascal Flats song. I’m assuming he’ll sing it like he’s Justin Timberlake. Yup I’m right. He did. One Justin Timberlake is already too much. We don’t need a second one. As a side note, how come only parts of his song have a country accent? Just checking.
• Wow, bonus points for Chris for using the Virginia Tech sympathy vote. Even I wouldn’t joke around with that. Enjoy hell, Chris. Ok, see you there.
• Did Melinda just get breast implants this week? Will they sing too? Let’s see.
• It was nice that Melinda didn’t look like the grandmother from “Family Matters” this week, although I do miss that.
• Blake is up. I can’t do this anymore. No comment. Good day.

Olivia Mojica Sex Tape is the New Black

Trends in Hollywood come in waves, or “trends” if you will. First people get married, later they become alcoholics, next they enter rehab, sometimes they become raging racists, and somewhere in between they “accidentally” have a homemade sex tape released. This is the case with Olivia Mojica from American Idol: Season Two. You may be wondering who Olivia is. Yeah, me too, but thanks to the “Google” I got to learn about her all over again. I mean, if she has a filthy, raunchy, sex tape being released I think it’s really important to know who she is as a person so that we can all really connect to this film and her performance. Feel free to check out her smut filled video here. According to TMZ reps from Vivid (porn studio) are trying to get in touch with Olivia to have her help promote this video and share in the revenue. What do they mean they’re trying to get in touch with her? Why don’t they just call her using the number that she left them when she sent them this video? Strange.

American Idol Results Show: An Hour? Really?

When it’s a slow news day I’m forced to report on bad reality shows. It’s times like these that I really hope that the Britney’s and Lindsay’s of the world fall off the wagon and go nuts. In the meantime, here’s what went down on American Idol: The Results Show, or as I now like to call it, “Sabadao Gigante Idol.”

• Sweet! Let’s really hit the most obvious stereotype and have the “Idol Kids’ sing “Bailamos.”
• Again, all the stars align for this episode. I always get so embarrassed when the Idol Kids sing together. It’s very “Brady Bunch: Silver Platters” for me.
• The audience screams and cheers like it’s the best thing they’ve ever seen and heard. I instantly feel sorry for each member of the audience.
• I’m just flipping between Idol and the Red Sox. At least I get to escape the Idol. The poor audience is stuck there with nowhere to go.
• Why is Ryan doing a “skit” at Farmer’s Market in LA? Is he Jay Leno?
• Why is Akon singing? I was banking on a brilliant “live” performance from Saint Jennifer Lopez. What a rip off. I have nothing funny to say about Akon. Boooo.
• Oh God, please stop with these horrific American Idol “car” commercials. It’s the worst thing ever. I hope these companies lose business because of it.
• Uh-oh they tried to pull the old Sanjaya trick again. He’s safe for another week.
• Here’s the moment I’ve been waiting for. J. Glow singing “live.”
• Oh crap it’s in Spanish. I’m assuming she’s just singing “Waiting for Tonight” in Espanol.
• She looks angry when she sings. Why is she yelling? And, why do I see Paula’s heading bobbing up and down. Oh crap, now Paula is dancing. Maybe Paula thinks it’s MC Skat Cat up there singing.
• Why does Saint Jennifer have a wind machine? She’s indoors. Are we supposed to think she’s outside. Oh God, now it just sounds like she’s whining. Shhhhh.
• Haley gets the kick in the pants. Oh well. See you in porn.
• Red Sox lost 3 – 0.

Jennifer Lopez Teaches American Idol Kids To Sing. No One Feels the Irony. World Still Implodes.

• J. Glow greets all of the kids while she is “rehearsing” for her concert. My favorite part is that she makes them all sit on the floor and she sits up high on a chair and looks down upon them.
• Scratch that, my favorite part is where Saint Jennifer says, “Yeah, we watch American Idol at “my” house.” She makes sure that Marc Anthony knows that it’s her house. Brilliant.
• Saint J now has to give advice to Melinda Doolittle. Really? I bet Melinda was like, yeah whatever. That’s like me giving spelling lessons. It just makes no sense.
• Speaking of Melinda, is she intentionally trying to look like Condoleeza Rice? Seriously, she’s 50. It’s like watching the grandmother from “Family Matters” trying to perform.
• Next up, Lakisha. J. Glow teaches her how to dance. Ok, at least that I believe. Yowza, then cue Lakisha singing and “moving” on stage. I think her boobs were technically doing the conga, but the rest of her was having a stroke. I’m very embarrassed at this point because she keeps grabbing her head. I instantly change the channel.
• I’m back, Chris Richardson is up. He’s wearing a scarf. Saint Jenny from the Block/Bronx takes another opportunity to remind us that she can speak Spanish by correcting everyone. Thank God she’s doing this because I forgot she was a Latina and I also forgot she is just a simple girl from the Bronx.
• Does Chris have tourettes? Just asking.
• Ok, now this makes sense. Jennifer Lopez is providing advice to Haley. I say both are equally bad singers. What? Just saying.
• Haley sings possibly the worst song ever, “Turn the Beat Around.” Luckily her shorts are shorter than normal and I instantly think she is a brilliant performer. I don’t even mind the blood pouring out of my ears.
• Phil Stacey is up. Next.
• Jordan was born in Dec of 1989. I’m officially 75 years old.
• Jordan performs “The Rhythm is Gonna Get You.” Yeah, the rhythm actually tried to get Jordan, but it missed her. She kinda just walked in circles on the stage and moved her head to the left (to the left). Actually I like to call her style of dance, “Old White Man Wedding Dancing.” However, bonus points for the few cameltoe shots thanks to her tight black pants.
• Blake decides to sing “I Need to Know” by Marc Anthony. Let me guess, he’s going to “beat box” to this song too. Yeah, we get it. Looks like I was wrong. He left the beat box at home. Why did I think his performance was retarded, yet the judges loved it? I say bring back the beat box.
• Ok, let’s face it. The only reason why anyone is even watching is “Sanjaya.”
• It’s nice to see that Sanjaya is rocking the “soaking wet perm.”
• I really was hoping that J. Glow and S. Fro would have done a duet…a good old fashioned “sing-off!”
• Sanjaya is singing something in Spanish. Scratch that. He’s “sing-talking” again. Why can’t he just sing? Why sing-talk? And why does he have a French moustache? I’m confused.

Diana Degarmo Pulls an Olsen

Sanjaya Literally Murdered Gwen Stefani