More Mindless Stories on ‘ali lohan’
29
The Lohan Sisters Need a Bath
The jet-setting Lohan’s arrived in NYC yesterday with their sidekick, Samantha Rotten, and apparently some chick that I’m pretty sure is a Sarah Jessica Parker stand-in. Lindsay and Helen Hunt were even hand-in-hand at one point as the paparazzi followed their stank asses around town.
27
That’s My Nana Lohan!
So time to confess. Who tuned in to watch “Living Lohan” last night? You know you did. So did I. While most people were ready to trash it, I was ready for it to be my summer filler until The Hills comes back in August. Here are my thoughts on what went down on the first crapisode of “Living Lohan” which I will now be calling “That’s My Nana Lohan!”
Why is everything in this episode blurred out? Everything on the kitchen counter is blurred out, the TV shows they’re watching are blurred out, the magazine Dina holds up is blurred out, the websites they’re looking at are blurred out. Legit, everything is blurred out…..everything except, Nana Lohan, who is my new favorite character on TV. I wouldn’t F with her. She’s like Yo Jong Kim…..only tougher.
You know how Tyra makes it a point on her show to always talk about herself? Yeah, well this show is sorta like that, but instead of talking about themselves they all constantly being up Lindsay. Constantly.
So is anyone going to mention that Ali looks like Helen Hunt or should I just do it? I don’t care that she’s 14…..she’s annoying. Her voice is killing me just when she talks so why would I want to hear it sing? Ugh, and listening to Dina confront the “record label” who also co-produce the show “Living Lohan” makes me want to slap Dina with a dead fish across the face. Ali wants to sing hip-hop and Dina wants to basically bang Jeremy the “producer” who she also manages and by manages I mean “does dirty boom boom with.”
Speaking of “Jeremy” what the hell was Dina talking about when she said she was online and he just randomly IM’d her and had no clue who he was. Uh, do you know how IM works? I doubt he just”guessed” Dina’s IM screen-name, although I’m sure it’s on every bathroom stall across LA and Long Island. This show is so staged. It really is like The Hills!
We get to follow Dina out to a restaurant to eat with some random judge, follow Dina taking random items out of her car such as cases of water and a bag of groceries, and basically just follow Dina around her life. Oh, and Ali is kinda in it to. For me, the highlight of the entire episode was when they announced that they Google themselves every day and read all the blogs. The good news for me is that IBBB is the #1 image search in Google when you Google “Nana Lohan.” Score! Hopefully Dina will be reading this and if she is, I love the show and want your IM screen-name. Can I interview Nana Lohan? I love her. How many freckles does Lindsay have? Why does Ali sound like Tony Danza? These are just some of the questions I would IM to Dina and ask Nana Lohan.
Oh, and other stuff happened in the show, but it’s pointless to write about…kinda like the show.
22
Reasons I Like Dina and Ali Lohan
This picture speaks volumes. Luckily, my volume is on mute. Anyway, in case you’ve been living in a cave, Dina Lohan and Ali Lohan are technically conducting a major media shitstorm to promote the absolute piss out of their new reality show, which I believe is called “New Ways Stage Mothers Can Shorten a Child’s Life.” I love it. I actually can’t wait to see their new show.
It’s so painfully awkward to watch Ali interact with her mom during interviews together because everyone only wants to talk about Lindsay being a whore-like train wreck or how F’d up Dina is for doing this and before Ali can give her opinion she always has to look over to her mom in an absolute panicky terror. You know one wrong answer and Dina is busting out the wire hangers to beat this little bitch down.
06
When WE TV Has an Event, All the Stars Come Out
Ring the alarm! When WE TV has an event, all the a-listers come out to show their support. WE TV was hosting a panel discussion and having a screening for their new show that’s getting a ton of buzz called, “High School Confidential.” This reality/documentary has been filming for 4-years and followed the lives of high school students and their trials and tribulations. Ok, now that business is taken care of let’s move on to exactly showed up to this.14
A Couple of Lohans
Let’s face it America (and East Germany) Lindsay Lohan is a bore. However, you know what’s not a bore? An alternative Lohan and Dina and a gumball machine. Now that’s fun. Dina hasn’t been around so many balls since her night out at Hyde on Tuesday! Oh! Stop me if you heard this before! Anyway, Lindsay’s little sister who is 13, yet looks 20, is at a photoshoot by Albert Ferriera at the Lohan house the day before Halloween. I’m shocked to see Dina jumping in the photos too. Hmmm. Odd. Luckily she’s wearing her skin tight jeans and trendy sweater just for the hell of it.
The house may have been decorated for Halloween, but you know that police tape on the front door was the remains from the last fight that Dina and Michael Lohan got in. The cobwebs on the bushes, you ask? My money is on the cobwebs being from Dina’s crotch. Yup, I absolutely went there. If Lindsay is going to remain sober then this is the crap that you’re going to have to read. Blame her, not me.
