The Britney Live Cam

Ahhh I am such a loser! Although, TMZ may trump me for “loserdom.” I stopped by the trusty TMZ.com website yesterday and noticed that they had some live cameras set up to capture Britney driving into court. “This is retarded” I thought and then I got sucked in. Camera 1 showed the paparazzi waiting to tackle Britney (photo one above), but that was waaaay to boring. Then I discovered “Camera 2” which was just placed on the street. This was going to be way too fun. Below are some screencaps of some characters that kept me entertained for about 10 minutes. Oh and by “10 minutes” I mean “1-hour.” Let’s recap, shall we?

Ah there she is. “Work Lady Who Wears Shorts.” Work Lady Who Wears Shorts to work tries to be trendy, but at the end of the day she is probably just your typical cubical skank-bag. More power to her.

What a treat! There goes Britney’s future cell-mate. Clearly he has just busted out of the clink and is looking for Britney and a side order of freedom. This guy tries to dress as similar to characters on Monopoly “Chance Cards” as possible. Luckily he “got out of jail free.”

Uh-oh! Here comes some fast walking cameltoe. Watch out, paparazzi, it’s contagious! This fine lady was going a buck 90 up the street, probably trying to run from her inseams, but I caught her. Just remember, folks, even if you’re sporting a little cameltoe just to run to the corner store, someone is always watching. Oh, and that someone is more than likely me, as I have no life. Carry on.

Here, my friends, is my favorite by far! Straight out of Sanford and Son here comes “Crazy Ass Hammer Man” or “CAHM” for short. CAHM was jogging up the street looking right into the camera and carrying some sort of hammer/axe pictured above. Luckily for this guy all the police are around the corner waiting for Britney so CAHM can going on his killing spree without a care in the world. Please Hammer, don’t hurt ’em.

And cue the second crazy of the day, “Running Man.” Running Man was, of course, running up the street. However, he hit “tilt” on the “craz-o-meter” because he ran with both hands placed firmly on the top of his head. He was smart enough to put one arm down by his side while frantically running past the cop. Keep in mind, friends, you can only run from the crazy for so long before the crazy just catches you. Trust me. I’m also a client.

And cue “No Nonsense Business Woman” (JV). “No Nonsense Business Woman” has the typical no nonsense business haircut because she is just as good as the men in her office. Typically, when drinking at the office Christmas party she ends up sleeping with a few of them too! I know that was wrong of me to say. I meant “Holiday Party.” “No Nonsense Business Woman”caught the camera on her and gave that great Hollywood, “Are you talking to me?” look. She’s easy, breezy, beautiful and has the same haircut as the mother from “Webster.”

Ah there she is! It’s “Every Towns Lady!” “Every Towns Lady” is typically seen carrying one plastic grocery bag and walking with a limp. She’s typically old in nature and sometimes (or almost all the time) is Chinese. She mumbles while she limps about something that sounds like she’s reciting a recipe. Every town has this lady, which is why she’s called “Every Towns Lady.” 99% of the time she is wearing a handkerchief on her head. While it’s hard to tell in this photo she is dressed 100% like an every towns lady. Well done, ma’am.

And what neighborhood wouldn’t be complete without your local, “It Ain’t Raining, But I’m Using it Anyway!” Well, it may not be raining, but this local walker is using her umbrella anyway because she bought it, paid good money for it, and doesn’t feel that it should only be used to protect herself from water from the sky. This lady may look familiar to you as you may see her in the other winter months walking up the street with ski poles, yet no skis. “It Ain’t Raining, But I’m Using it Anyway” has brought a crooked smile to my rotten face.

There he is! There’s “Guy With a Tie-Dye Lampshade on His Head Just Because It’s LA and, Hell, That’s What’s Out There.” No additional commentary needed.

Here we have “The Homeless Showoff.” He’s a real showoff because he is homeless, yet has a rusty shopping cart filled with crap. Not only does he have it filled, but it also comes fitted with plastic garbage bags attached to the sides that, more than likely, are filled with treasure. And by “treasure” I really mean “cans.” These cans are sure to rattle as he walks by his other homeless friends. “The Homeless Showoff” doesn’t need to brag, his cans do it for him.

Ok my friends, now wasn’t that more fun to look at then Britney getting out of her car only to get right back in? You’ve seen Britney before, but you haven’t got to enjoy CAHM, have you?

Thanks to TMZ.com

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