Who Won Big Brother 8?

I’m still completely pissed for not making it into the Big Brother house, but like any obedient white-trash blogger I will recap the piss out of the Big Brother 8 Finale. So who won? Don’t read this if you don’t want to know. Also, don’t stare directly into the sun. Just another helpful tip. Here’s how this season finale crapisode went down. Brace yourself.
  • I love Danielle’s anorexia look. It really works on her. The turrets works for Dick too.
  • Wow look at Julie Chen with her “F-Me” black leather pants on. Oww!
  • Uh, it’s been 6 minutes. Why hasn’t Amber started crying yet?
  • What the hell is wrong with Eric’s eyebrows and eyes? Wait, does he have turrets too? I’m confused.
  • Jameka references Dick and Danielle as “pimps and ho’s.” Brilliant. Me gusta Jameka.
  • Ambers basically asks Danielle why she’s a whore on national television. I’m shocked Amber didn’t start crying during her own questioning.
  • To be honest, I’ve started to lapse into a coma. Code red.
  • I’ve decided I hate Danielle’s voice. It sounds like two cats chain-smoking and playing the spoons under the porch. Yup that’s it.
  • Seriously, these people are all goons. Wait, Julie Chen just changed from leather pants to a skirt. Eh, easier access I guess.
  • When it’s time for the crew to vote, they all pussy out on what they’ll say to the douche-bag Donato’s. I would have been like, “your mother’s a whore, go F yourself, you look like skeletor” etc. Borrrring! ZZzzzzzzz.
  • They reveal the secret that Eric was America’s Player. They made it seem like a big deal. It wasn’t. It was F’n dumb. I hate me for recapping this.
  • I vote to evict…Julie Chen.
  • Eric votes for Dick
  • Jameka votes for Danielle
  • Dustin votes for Dick
  • Jen votes for Danielle
  • Zack votes for Dick
  • Amber votes for Dick

The jury is retarded. The end. P.S why was Lizzy Grubman in the audience? No joke.

Who Won Big Brother 8?

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