This Time Last Year: Olsen Time!

Memories, like the corners of my useless mind. I’d like to reintroduce a new little segment called “This Time Last Year.” This Time Last Year will take a brief look at what was going on in the celebrity world…this time last year (go figure). Oh, and also I’m lazy so this is pretty easy to do on a Friday. Here’s what was going on with the Olsen Sluts and IBBB this time last year…

Do you ever wonder what billionaire’s think about? I do. I only know what millionaire’s think about, as I am a millionaire. Well, billionaire’s think about bags. Yes, “bags” and not the kind that Mary-Kate Olsen typically wears. I’m actually talking a purse. Mary- Kate Olsen wrote a little article in the New York Times about her bag. Yes, bag. Let’s take a look to see what she wrote:

“I have a large, red quilted Chanel bag that I borrowed from my sister Ashley. I wore it to an event and never gave it back. Luckily, she’s moved on to another bag, so I’m safe for now. I’m not quite sure how many bags I have, but let’s just say I have a few. When I find a bag I like, I tend to wear it to death until I become obsessed with another one. This probably happens three to five times a year. But I always come back to the Chanel. The size isn’t overwhelming, and it has enough subtle detail to keep it interesting.

I also have the smaller version in blue and in white, but the red is definitely my favorite. I don’t have a stylist – I’d rather just do my own thing and put together my own outfits. The chain-handle bag is the perfect accent to almost any combination I come up with. I look at everything with a designer’s eye, but I wouldn’t change a thing about this bag. I think that’s why it’s a true classic.”

Wait, what? Is this a joke? First off, she literally wrote “bag” 6 times in two paragraphs. Maybe Michelle Tanner should have spent a little more time in school than on the set of Full House. Now don’t get me wrong, my writing is equally as horrible, but I’m not a billionaire, an Olsen, or a billionaire Olsen. Hey Mary-Kate what are your thoughts on global warming? And by that I actually mean, do you have a bag that you can wear as you deal with global warming? As a side note, somewhere in the world right now Kimmy Gibbler is digging in a dumpster for her lunch. If I was chosen to write an article for the New York Times, my article would go a little something like this:

I could go for a large beer. I would not share the beer with anyone, not even my sister. I’d be afraid she wouldn’t give me my beer back. Luckily, she moved onto something besides beer. She’s moved onto wine so I’m safe for now.

Sometimes I wish I could brew my own beer. I don’t have my own bartender – but I’d rather just do my own thing and make my own beer. It may not be the best, but I wouldn’t change a thing about he beer I brewed. I think that’s why I’m a true classic.
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