Hi You’ve Reached Ashley Olsen. I’m Either on the Phone or Away From My Desk. Please Leave a Message and I’ll Return Your Call Shortly. Thanks.

Mary-Michelle-Ashley-Kate-Gibbler-Tanner-Olsen was technically at the CFDA Awards last night in NYC and was all creepy smiles, but by the looks of her she could have also been posing in front of Conference Room B (which is directly across from the fax machine). She’s had a busy day “dialing for dollars” and has to give her big presentation to the head of the marketing department tomorrow. Hopefully her PowerPoint will be ready in time and she’s worked out all the animation kinks too. Remember: smile, eye contact, approachable. Smile, eye contact, approachable. Wait, get it? She’s dressed like a business woman. Fine. They’re not all winners.

Anyway, I’m pretty sure that’s the same suit that they buried Uncle Jesse’s grandfather, Papouli, in when he died because his heart stopped. She probably dug him up and had his suit taken in 20 sizes smaller. Uncle Jesse? Is….it…..ok…..to……cry? Kill yourself, tramp.
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