Donna, Dig up Dylan and Brandon….We May Be Working Again!

Time to throw away your Dancing With the Stars applications, half the cast of 90210!

It’s almost like God himself is shining down on me. Not only is The Hills about to start up again, but there may be a 90210 spinoff in the works. I say spin everything off. Spinoff the spinoffs. Just spin the piss out of any show that ever brought happiness to the world. Spinoff Webster with the kids that broke into his house that one time. Spinoff The Facts of Life with “Cousin Jerry.” Spinfoff “Amen” with just Thelma. Spinoff Gimme a Break with Sam and the grandfather. I’m done.

The good old CW is in the process of creating 90210: Part II. Here’s the best part, some of the old 90210 characters may be back for the new series. I wonder if any of them will have some free time on their hands to participate? Brenda? Check. Dylan? Check. Brandon? Check. David? Check. Donna? Check (and please my sweet Jesus, please!). Jim? Check. Cindy? Double-Check. Nat? Check (if still alive). Valerie? Check. Kelly? Check. Steve Sanders? Check. Andrea? Check (if still alive). Cool, looks like everyone is free!

The CW is expected to make a decision by the end of the month if they want to order a pilot for this show. The have to do this. They must. Even if they have to dig up Aaron Spelling and make him produce the show by using string wrapped around his arms and hands like Weekend At Bernie’s.

Here are the things that I want to see covered in the new season:
  • Brenda must continue saying, “I hate you both. Never talk to me again!” Also, she must keep her bangs and gap between her teeth. She must still act like and think she is sexy even though she never was. Mrs. Teasley would have won a sex-off competition with Brenda…assuming that exists.
  • Steve Sanders: More home-perm please!
  • Donna Martin: Let’s see what would have happened if Donna Martin did not graduate. Also, I’d like an up-to-date reenactment of Donna being tossed down the stairs by Ray Pruitt. Also, it would be fun if that cast had to figure out everything that changed with Donna since the last time they saw her….followed by tossing her down the stairs. Basically, I’d like Donna tossed down a set of stairs once per episode, at a minimum.
  • Jim Walsh: Jim must lose his job and his marriage to Cindy will crumble after a secret prostitution scandal is uncovered. Both with head back to Hong Kong. They are not needed for this show.
  • Valerie realizes that she really is Kelly Kopowski and must wear her old Bayside Tigers cheerleading outfit at all times. At the end of each episode, Valerie/Kelly will perform one of her “Hot Sunday” hits. If Lisa Turtle/Lark Voohries is available (which she is) please book her as well. Put your mind to it, go for it, you ‘ve got to break a sweat. Rock and roll you ain’t seen nothing yet. Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na! Woo-woo-woo-woo. Yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!
  • Dylan: Still living in the beach house realizes he is actually the son of Andrea Zuckerman. 10 year later from the original 90210 and about 50 years after James Dean was alive, Dylan realizes that it’s not cool to try and pretend you’re James Dean. Instead, Dylan now tries to be more like Dudley from Different Strokes, as Dudley was always cool…in my opinion.
  • Andrea Zuckerman: It’s released that Andrea was an undercover agent and really was 45 when they were in high school. Midway through the season, Andrea is to be struck by a bus again…..in slow motion.
  • Kelly Taylor: Kelly, to no surprise, is held prisoner on the bang bus and must bang her way to freedom. She ans her drunken whorebag mom, Jackie, become roommates and become the next spinoff of the spinoff. Ironically, the name of the show will be: Kelly and Jackie – Druken Whorebag Roomates: Electric Boogaloo.
Feel free to fill in other scenarios you would like to see. I’m psyched and a huge f’n loser all at the same time.

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