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Honey Boo Boo Recap: The One Where The Sugars Give Out The Sugars
The same way I have absolutely no clue what’s going on in Libya, I have no idea what’s taking place in this crapisode of Here Comes Diabetes Doo Doo. Although, Spoiler Alert, I’m more interested in this show. It’s less of a downer. Plus it makes me feel rich and in shape and, well, that’s always a good thing. Have I called Jenny yet? Perhaps. Anynecks, it’s almost the end of the summer and Mama is trying everything she can to keep her kids occupied so they don’t knock over a 7-11 and get even more pregnant. Similar to Cinderella’s stage coach at midnight, Pumpkin will turn into a pumpkin if she doesn’t have activities to take part in. With that said, Mama hands over some money and sends the kids to the store in the gas station across the street so they can basically “food shop” and get the hell out of the house for a spell. I’m using the phrase “for a spell” so I can really appeal to my southern readers. You’re welcome…y’all. Pumpkin and crew head over to the store and since they’re all sans the ability to read, she misses the sign that says, “No Shoes, No Shirt, No Service.” She’s legit barefoot walking around the store and this is the first moment in the episode where my stomach turns. This will happen a variety of times throughout the next 25 minutes. We’re also introduced to the “store manager” who has gold nuggets for teeth which require the editors to provide him with sub-titles. We also meet the chick behind the register who supports “The Sugars” since they provide some “flavor” to the neighborhood. Um, no. Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn provide some flavor. Pumpkin and Alana provide lower property value to the neighborhood. And I’m sure by Autumn, Pumpkin will be providing her biscuit to the neighborhood as well.
Later Sugar Bear and Alana are going out on a date so they can spend some quality time together. Something tells me if there weren’t cameras around, this would be an actual date and Honey Boo Boo would be turning into Honey Blow Blow. Is that wrong? Eh, who cares. The big date takes place at the Fun Factory which, ironically, is also the nickname of June’s biscuit I hear. Sugar Bear is just as excited as Alana and he’s really hoping there’s a ball pit he can jump into and spread his diseases to everyone in town. At one point we learn that Sugar Bear is a “chalk miner” and since I live in the north I’m not going to pretend I have any idea what that actually is. In the meantime I’ll just assume it means he packages chalk for outdated schools. He’s kind of like a nun, but without the iron box. Either way, Sugar Bear and Alana are having a blast at this ghost town Fun Factory. In all the excitement Sugar Bear puts on Alana’s roller skates on the wrong feet, but in his defense it’s not like you can get that right every time….especially since Sugar Bear used to work at a roller skating rink when he was younger. Too bad he let that lucrative job slip away. I wonder if that’s where he met June? She must have been like grace rolling by him, dragging her chins and ass behind her. Truth be told, good old Sugar Bear really likes spending time with Alana and it’s a really nice gesture considering that he works 7 days a week. Hopefully with this crew raking in $1 million this year, he’ll be able to reduce his schedule down to 6 days a week.
To take yet another sharp left turn, Chickadee is getting tired of being pregnant but at least it provided us with minutes of entertainment whilst everyone threw in their two cents about what happens when you give birth. First off, Alana lets us know that Kaitlyn is almost ready to come out of Chickadee’s “moon pie.” Love it. Then Mama classes things up by telling us that her hemorrhoids are going to come out and someone is going to need to push them back in. Seconds later “the women will ‘ew’ on herself” followed by the baby being pulled out of her biscuit. Good Night Moon. Perhaps if as much time was spent on the details of how to put on a condom, Chickadee wouldn’t be in this position in the first place. More importantly, how is Chickadee like 8-months pregnant and still the thinnest person in the house? Are they sure she’s just not “full?”
In order to break things up the gang decides to play a fun family game of “Guess Whose Breath.” It’s as horrific as you would imagine. Per usual I immediately ran into the kitchen and dumped my sandwich into the trash. I guess my goal for next week is to snack prior to 10pm. As you can imagine, one person is blindfolded and then someone sneaks up to them and blows their rancid breath into the persons face and they need to guess whose breath it is. I mean, pick up a book and read for cripes sakes. No wonder why the unemployed have officially given up on looking for work. How would you even have time to look for a job when games like this are just sitting at home waiting to be played on the regular? As predicted, Sugar Bear and Mama have the worst breath. Watching Mama put her lips directly on Sugar Bear’s lips actually made my ding-a-ling shoot into my body. It may never see sunlight again. I’m going to have to tease it out with pictures of Barb from Teen Mom 2. Oh, also, we’ll have 6 more weeks of winter this year. Chickadee is having so much fun and laughing so much that she pisses right on Mama’s puffy suede couch. Mama is sure to sniff it and like an episode of Law & Order SVU, she immediately knows it’s piss. I mean in the homes defense, doesn’t the entire house smell like piss anyway? I’m kidding. Piss and cheese puffs. Only joking. Piss, cheese puffs, and lack of ambition.
The crapisode ends as basically a cooking show on the Food Network. First up, Mama and Alana are making some lemonade so they can sell it on the streets and make some money for Honey Boo Boo’s pageant. This is actually the total opposite of anything Skinnygirl. It’s more than 5 lbs of sugar and 2 gallons of lemon juice. It’s like the Fatgirl margarita. Seriously, if they don’t market that name I’m going to be pissed. Mama speaks the truth when she says she’s giving the people of McIntyre diabetes. I mean, I caught diabetes just watching them make it. The good news is that now I have direct access to Della Reese. After selling $25 worth of Non-Glucose Juice, the family is starving (shocker) so Mama June makes a family favorite called “Sketti.” Sketti is pasta with a tub of butter and ketchup microwaved, mixed, and then served. Seriously, I just dry-heaved typing that. The best part is that the family loves it. They are clueless. How many points could this meal be on Weight Watchers? I’m guessing 3, but then again I’m not one of “the fats.” I was waiting for them to use this special “sketti” sauce to grease up Chickadee and then just reach in and pull that baby out of her biscuit. I mean, who doesn’t love a nice biscuit with spaghetti? Alrighty, well I’m going to go now and induce vomiting. Catch you guys next week, y’all!
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Episode Rating: 3.5 Pungent Kisses from Mama
Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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IBBB Said,
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Sugar's Skoal breath Said,
Hilarious as always. This show is like the gift that keeps on giving: neck crust, forklift foot flies, biscuits and now breath contests. Hope your ding a ling comes back by the time you get married.
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your left ovary Said,
You dry-heaved typing about the “sketti” and I dry-heaved reading it. Twice.
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Pee stained couch Said,
It cracks me up and scares me a little that Punkin sits in a chair during mama’s confessional scenes like she’s the Godfather.
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Leslie Said,
I am assuming that you get paid to watch this nightmare because I can’t think of one other solid reason to do it.
I gave up after the first 15 minutes of this “show” but the recaps are much better.
It appears that the people of Georgia are rising up in protest at this mess by insisting they are embarrassed by June and family reaping the attention.
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Hachet Face Said,
More importantly, how is Chickadee like 8-months pregnant and still the thinnest person in the house? Are they sure she’s just not “full?”
I am dying!
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Mootie Moot Said,
I’m from Atlanta, & honestly I’m not embarrassd one bit by this show. I love it! These ppl are just living their day to day life whilst entertaining all of us! I hope they stick around until Alana wins an Ultimate Grand Supreme! With that said…how sweet of Shugie to take Alotta Fatina out on a date! You can tell this man cares about his kid!! Also as gross as that sketti looked, I just might try it…
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KittyCouture Said,
I’m from Savannah and I agree with Mootie Moot. I’m not embarrassed by the family. Most people are smart enough to realize that all the people in GA don’t act like that but some do. Even though they are poor and do some crazy things, they seem like a loving family and they are doing what they need to to get by. I think June is a fun mom and she loves her kids to death… Speaking of death, that butter and ketchup recipe made me throw my dinner in the garbage also. That’s not Southern cooking; that’s just disgusting. Any recipe that requires butter to be scoped out with a ladle is probably not something anyone should be eating.
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Smoochies Said,
As I was laying on my puffy brown couch last night feeling completely nauseated, I realized THIS episode was not the one to watch to make me feel any better…The sketti was horrible and makes my mouth fill with bile even thinking of it.
Anyrustynecks, I am not sure why anyone should be upset about this show! I think that this family is enjoying their screen time and no one should have anything to say about it. I mean TLC is paying them for it, so why not live it up! They obviously aren’t upset by their circumstances nor embarrassed with how they live, so more power to them! I know I am enjoying watching it!
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NY40sGIRL Said,
OMG – I legit got nauseous why reading this. I should have never tried to enjoy my yogurt while catching up with Honey Boo Boo. Lesson learned!
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Vajiggle Jaggle Said,
Is it bad that I’m totally curious what ketchup and butter with pasta tastes like?
Butter with pasta is good and ketchup tastes very similar to a lot of those canned tomato sauces (that a lot of restaurants probably use) so I don’t see why it’s so gross?
I mean it’s not Italian cuisine (Teen Mom’s Amber’s new honey definitely hasn’t had it) but I’m curious!!!
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Danyel Said,
Love your recaps, Patrick!
I too am amazed that everyone in that house has a bigger belly than the 8 months pregnant Anna. I think she got the “skinny genes” from her dad. That said, I’m amazed she didn’t vomit during the breath game. My uterus is baby-free and I ran to the bathroom to puke when they did the breath game and the “sketti.”
But still, I don’t see how people are embarrassed. It’s their family and their way of living. I actually enjoy watching them and I hope Honey Boo Boo wins Grand Supreme!
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June's 4th chin Said,
Joel McHale from Talk Soup referred to June as a “giant talking thumb” I have to agree.
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SaveStitchNTaquito Said,
Mama June has changed the way I look at biscuits and some of the things they do definitely leave me puzzled but I can’t help but watch this family. Watching “The Sugars” is just not as stressful as watching Teen Mom. Watching Teen Mom causes me to want to pop each of those Trash bags in their mouths.
Maybe “The Sugars” will be better than the teen moms at spending their new found fortunes.
And…. What does ketchup, butter, and sketti taste like? -
April's Meth Mouth Said,
Loving this new quality program on TLC, that’s The LEARNING Channel. So far, I’ve learned how to make a redneck slip-n-slide, how a pig can steal the spotlight at a teen’s baby shower (referring to Glitzy not June), how to make dinner when you have nothing in the pantry ‘cept noodles, ketchup packets and some Shedd’s Spread Country Crock and best of all, what fun it is to play with your own body’s excretions (neck crust, the breath game, couch smelling time)
My only regret, I missed the crapisode where they showed June’s Forklift Foot. I was nervous, excited, scared and chock full of anticipation all at the same time & I missed it, dammit! I have them all on my dvr but cannot seem to locate that episode. Why can’t AT&T Universal put a description in the info section that means something to some of us, i.e. “local food auction, Sssh! It’s a Wig or “Forklift Foot” Is that too much to ask?
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June's 4th chin Said,
April’s Meth Mouth –
Oh the foot was horrific, she peeled her sock off and there were gnats crawling all over her infected looking toe. She definitely helped to spread some sort of foot funk at the water park.
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Not Goggles Said,
This show makes my IQ drop drastically, but it’s hilarious. When Alana said “moon pie” I died laughing.. And also when she said someone’s breath smelled like “booty-boo.”
I’m from the South, and I can say that there are people like this all over the place, but not everyone is like that. Also, I have no clue what a chalk miner is either.
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butter tub Said,
I like how the one daughter was eating her sketti right out of the old butter tub.
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AmyJo Said,
Did June scoop that butter out with an ice cream scoop? -Pause for gagging- I loved how June sighed like she was so exhausted after making the sketti…..like she had just finished cooking a 5-course Thanksgiving meal or something.
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your left ovary Said,
How is June only two years older than me but has more grey hair than my mom?
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QueenofCorona Said,
Next time my stepdaughter or husband cross me I’m so making Jabba the Hut Pasta, complete with the biggest tub of Country Crock margarine with dollar store catsup (not even ketchup) nom nom nom.
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booty-boo Said,
Sweet Jesus! I’m planning my next family vacation to McIntyre, GA! I need to see this shit show in living color.
Also, if Honey Boo-Boo’s slurping that lemonade out of the laddle and pitcher just firmly establishes why you NEVER eat at a pot-luck, buy shit from a bake sale, and NEVER guzzle down sugar water that the youngsters sell on the side of the road…I guess I’m just glad it wasn’t Shuggie taste testing the product…
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ChewBear Said,
The only way Alana is gonna get a Grand Supreme is by ordering it a McDonald’s.
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Chickadee's Moon Pie Said,
Butter Tub, That was good ol’ Pumpkin!
Did anyone else love the accessory characters this episode almost as much as the Sugars??? The Lil John wanna-be, The gas station cashier, but I think my fav was the guy who did the drive-by at their lemonade stand. He just held the money up and as soon as he saw Mama and Alana running up to get his dollar he just threw it out the window and screamed “IT’S A DONATION!” and sped away.
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PuffyLeatherGentlemanGreeter Said,
Am I the only person in the world who knows that Country Crock/margarine and butter are 2 different things? I was totally expecting people to mention that.
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T*ts on a Stick Said,
@PuffyLeatherGentlemanGreeter — I was totally coming on here to point that out about the Country Crock – Ketchup sauce! Its bad enough that June’s too cheap to buy real (off brand?) spaghetti sauce, but she doesn’t even use real butter to make that weird concoction!
Is it just me, or did Alana sound like a totally different kid when she was at that roller rink place with sugar bear? Her accent wasn’t as strong, and she sounded more like a regular kid instead of all of that obviously coached nonsense that usually comes out of her mouth.
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alwayssunny Said,
i love pumpkin, i had to get that off my chest.
watching them eat that “sketti” made me finally realize why there are people who think that olive garden is actually a good restaurant that serves quality italian food.
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mama's third eye Said,
Did anyone else notice the word “coochie” being edited out of Chikadee’s mouth and the word “biscuit” used in place? I am definitely going to try that sketti recipe when I’m low on cash. I’m learning a lot about what choices we have for food and recreational activities when we’re broke. Go TLC!
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mama's third eye Said,
“Watching Mama put her lips directly on Sugar Bear’s lips actually made my ding-a-ling shoot into my body. It may never see sunlight again. I’m going to have to tease it out with pictures of Barb from Teen Mom 2.” Patrick, you’ve outdone yourself with this one. Golden humor!
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skating ring socks Said,
Butter and ketchup. I’m disgusted yet curious. Also I hope the gas station manager makes another cameo he was my fav
and the cashier -
Spare Santa Suits Said,
I googled the butter and ketchup sauce & found an old, obscure forum thread somewhere discussing that very thing. Some of those in the thread had grown up with that combo (and preferred it above all other sketti sauces). Others remarked that Scandanavian & Japanese cultures prefer this combination as well!!
All that being said, margarine is NOT butter (as noted above).
That pregnant girl (Chickadee) IS way too skinny–that has bothered me as well from the start . . . I have to wonder how much baby Kaitlynn weighed at birth??
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roller skate training wheels Said,
OMG I can’t believe she stuck her finger in the pee and sniffed it!
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Ski Chalet's Landlady Said,
My mom told me that under no circumstances should I watch the Honey Boo Boo from this week because I would throw up at the end. So what was my gut instinct? I came over here and read the recap, and… she was right. I know I would throw up watching someone mix BUTTER, KETCHUP, and NOODLES with the intention of ACTUALLY EATING IT. So, thanks, Mom. And, thank you, IBBB.
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M-O-O-N that spells VOMIT PIE Said,
Two missed gag worthy moments: One of the delightful daughters said she only brushes her teeth for special occasions. Mama just rolled her eyes. Indeed, whatareyagonnado?! And during the “lemonade” making, Honey Boo Boo drank from the mixing spoon and then put it back in and then they sold it to the poor unsuspecting citizens of Classyville. Barf.
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Leah's Fat Sister Said,
“Sketti” has kind of ruined pasta for me altogether.
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June's Sweat in July Said,
@ M-O-O-N Honey Boo Boo also drank directly from the spout of the pitcher. *gag*
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Goldtooth Said,
I can’t believe no one mentioned how Alana kept tasting the lemonade from the spoon and then putting it back in the lemonade to stir it some more before they went out to sell their germs to the rest of the neighborhood! YUCK!!!
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Mary Said,
These guys are a million times more entertaining than the Housewives. I love how when they let Sugar Bear say something, they leave the camera trained on him…and I keep waiting for him to spit. That’s entertainment! Oh, and that wasn’t butter.
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Redneckognize Said,
Yeah, Country Crock is NOT butter. However, after our intial dry heaving over the “sketti”, my husband and I decided that the “sauce” is probably similar to that of spaghetti-o’s. So, disgusting, yes, but not inedible.
I don’t live in the south, but I can say that there are people like this everywhere. They may hide it better, but they’re out there.
I also think that, despite the horrific diet, The Sugars are actually pretty good parents. They obviously love their kids (and 3/4 of them aren’t even Shuggie’s!!) -
BooBoo's Camel Toe Said,
As an Italian woman who lives in NYC I have to say that the “sketti” made me want to throw a brick thru my tv screen….and get down on my knees and “thank you Jesus” like Melissa Gorga that I was not born in the south…..
That being said….I love this family and I think they love each other and I have to give them credit for not giving a damn what anyone else thinks…
I take them over Housewives from NJ any day.
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Jilla Said,
Ew that’s probably 500 pts on Weight Watchers. Someday they will make her lose lots of weight and she’s be more “famous” *puke*
