Sep
06

Honey Boo Boo Recap: Here Comes Honey BBQ (see what I did there?)

Posted by IBBB

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Bring on Honey Boo Boo (chile)! I wanted to be part of the reason why more people watched Honey Boo Boo last night than the DNC. The DNC? I Did Not Catch. See what I did there? I’ve been waiting 12 hours to use that joke and, well, here we are. Plus, does it really even matter who becomes President of the United States? I think not. I’m pretty sure the economy will eventually just fix itself. Like a crying baby that you ignore, soon enough it will just stop being bad. So same/same. Also click here to join me on my Facebook page because, well, it’s the American way. Sorry Canada.

I won’t lie to you (although typically I do) I can’t get “Shh! It’s a Wig” out of my head. Honey Boo Boo and the rest of the obesity brigade are heading out to a wig store to see if 6 year old Alana can add some fake hair to her head to help her win the upcoming pageant. If it’s one thing that pedophile judges loves during a tot pageant it’s “grown woman hair” on a pre-pubesent child. If you don’t look like Tammy Faye Baker with a spray tan and glitz you likely won’t even place and surely won’t win Grand Supreme. Anychins, the chick who works at “Shh! It’s a Wig” is basically the Asian version of Mama June. If this show makes it overseas she’ll sprout quite the career. Plus, I think it’s great that any new characters that we’re introduced to us are overweight. I’m sure the citizens of Georgia are beaming with pride. Alana tries on a variety of wigs but the Asian June (AJ) seems to think that the Shirley Temple wig fits the best. It legit looks like someone gave a home perm to a cat, shot it to death, and then simply placed it on top of Honey Boo Boo’s head. It’s like when Whitney Houston’s wig would try to run from the receipts. You know what I’m getting at. Chaka Khan! Meanwhile, June also tries on a bunch of wigs, but my personal favorite was the one that looked like a plate of pubes. Why that can’t be her real hair is beyond me. Although she did sport one wig that was long and curly to which Sugar Bear’s “sugar cub” started to rise. He looked at the camera and slurred that he wanted to get frisky and “jump some bones.” Uh, bones? On Mama? Maybe jumping some rolls would be a little more accurate. No one likes a Pinnochio, Sugar Bear. And to complete the wig process even Sugar Bear got in on the action and tossed on a mullet wig to which Mama squealed with delight. R.I.P Glitzy. The mullet really made is extra-blackened-side-teeth pop on camera.

If it’s one common thread we see in each crapisode besides Mama sneezing, burping, farting and using the term “smexy” it’s everyone b*tching about how hot it is in Georgia. I guess this explains why everyone looks like a grease machine with matted hair and drooping faces. How there aren’t more alligators in their home with all that swamp ass is beyond me. Since it’s so hot out and everyone would rather spend their money on cheese puffs than an air conditioner, Sugar Bear decides to surprise everyone with pool that he’s bought and brought home. Personally I love how the pool seems to fit in a something that is smaller than a bread box. Perhaps Mama can dip her chin in it to cool off. The tough part is going to be putting it together especially since Sugar Bear apparently isn’t good at “puttin’ nothing together.” He can’t even put together the facts that he’s only the biological father to one of these kids. Hey-oh! The only one who really tries to help is Pumpkin. Although with the tarp and piping I can only presume she thinks she’s assembling a new dress for Mama. Get it? She’s fat. Ok moving on. Poor Mama (literally) is so hot that she’s opened up her folding chair (bless those bolts) and is sitting in the shade while she watches the pool being put together. Evidently the heat doesn’t mix well with Mama’s voluptuousness and digestive systems. It was at this point that I paused my DVR, walked up to my television, and tried to hug the image of Mama. I don’t care what the psychologist say, I love this woman and it’s completely normal. Once the pool is finally set up, they drop a hose in it, and Alana jumps in. I didn’t notice a filter system or any chemicals so basically once everyone is inside the pool they’ll technically be making a “fats stew” with all the fixins. Add salt so the family members don’t stick together. Serve over rice.

Later since Sugar Bear decided to take some time off of work (collecting cans) since he works 7 days a week (year) he ends up taking out the entire family to a BBQ restaurant, which cannot be cost effective let’s face it. The BBQ restaurant is just as terrible as you can image. It’s one of those metal buildings that typically stores lawnmowers and the like but, instead, will now prepare and serve food. Everyone looks like they’re foaming from the mouth in anticipation of this glamorous restaurant that is decorated in, literally, hundreds of pigs. Alana wants to order her BBQ with three sides, all of which she wants to be meat. She doesn’t understand why she can’t have her meat with a side of meat, meat, and meat. I mean, since Mama has children with 3 different baby daddies obviously she’s always gotten a side of meat, meat, and meat too. As the old saying goes, “Like obese mother, like future diabetic daughter.” And, no doubt, that saying is on a bumper sticker somewhere in Georgia. Either that or it’s their state motto and on every license plate. Honey Boo Boo tells the waitress that they’re fat, which legally I believe she has to, to which Sugar Bear pipes in by saying “We ain’t fat. We is pleasingly plump.” Seriously, I want to see all of his report cards. I won’t believe he’s been schooled until I see at least a dozen report cards. The high-class meal ends with Chubbs lifting her leg and farting on Pumpkin all whilst Mama looks embarrassed (and jealous) and looks around the metal restaurant to see if anyone is looking. Don’t worry Mama they aren’t, but we are. Oh, and a discussion took place on why Mama won’t marry Sugar Bear and Chickadee seems to think it’s because she won’t find a wedding dress to fit her. Mama doesn’t even bat a pimply eye when she sasses back, “Oh they make wedding dresses bigger than me.” Apparently she’s been Googling. If worse comes to worse just take down the pool, paint it white, and wrap it around her. It was interesting, however, that Mama says she isn’t interested in getting married because “men come and go” and she’s making sure her kids are her priority. Um talk like that won’t get you on Mauray, Mama. But it is refreshing to see the thought process in work.

In the end, The Sugars head out to our favorite Crazy Tony’s to chase horses around on their 4-wheelers, eat some fried fish out of a bucket and then go shopping at the local department store. At first I was like, “There’s no way where they live has a department store” and, well, I was right. They all took their 4-wheelers down to the county dump and legit started picking through a packed dumpster. I hope they chased their fried fish dinner with a couple of tetanus shots! They find mattresses, egg beaters, a toilet seat, a fan, some clothes, surround sound speakers, and a winter jacket. It’s like “The Price is Right” for “the poors” and I loved every minute of it. Honey Boo Boo lets us know that Pumpkin actually gets all of her clothes from the dumpster and, well, I 100% believe that. The day ends with a trip to the lake in which Sugar Bear sits on the beach in jeans and a hat and then fireworks cap off the night. What scares me is that everyone seems genuinely happy…even with out money or health. I’m fine with the lack of health, but how can you be happy without money? Also, as a wise woman once sang, “Money can’t buy you class (my friend).”

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37 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

IBBB Said,
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Conspiracy Man Said,
I was interested in how Pumpkin was debating as to whether Sugar Bear was her biological father. Nobody else seemed to think she was, but Pumpkin seemed to honestly think she had a claim to him.
Vajiggle Jaggle Said,
Asian?? Really? Asian? Was it because her physique resembled that of a sumo wrestler? Or because her chunky face caused her eyes to squint together? I just didn’t really see that.
shits a wig Said,
I’m sorry but they slurred the wig shop name so bad I really thought it was called shits a wig. I guess that’s why they keep showing the name everywhere. Why wont momma june marry sugar bear? If I wasn’t already married id hop on over( to Georgia (I live in Alabama yay!) And I would totally take his proposal. I mean if momma june is afraid of dinding a wedding dress just go to the court house. Problem solved
Vajiggle Jaggle Said,
^ I was referring to the wig “stylist” with that comment.
Brittany G. Said,
I think Suggs had it right, fat seems to be pleasing to him. Touche’, Sugar Bear, Touche’.
Gnats on forklift toe Said,
Sssshhhh don’t tell nobody but all pumkin clothes come from the dumpster
june's biscuit Said,
omg, can you imagine the countess coming down and shopping at the department store with mama and pumpkin and honey boo boo?! that would be amazing. almost as amazing as the best idea i’ve ever heard, which is wife swap with kris jenner and mama june!
Sit Down Dinner Said,
I thought it was funny when June said Suga Bear wanted a sit down dinner. Guess that beats the shove it down dinner they usually have. Just sayin.
CPS workers Unite! Said,
I heard on the radio this morning that they get $4,000 a crapisode. You’d think they would be able to like I don’t know… GET SOME F*CKING PLUMBING IN THEIR KITCHEN?!?

Good Lord. These people are disgusting.
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
Yay for the fancy sit-down dinner! These people are so incredibly trashy, you’d think they’d make more than $4k per episode for exposing their disgusting lifestyle and having it define them for life…
shits a wig Said,
@cps I to wondered about the plumbing. Why didn’t they use the money they spent on a pool? I love indoor plumbing more than I love pools but maybe I’m just weird like that
Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,
I LOVE this show. I honestly love every single second of it. I have re-read this blog twice and can’t stop laughing. If I didn’t know any better I would think you are making it all up. The fact that is all happened and is broadcast right in my living room is magical. Thank you Jesus!

We need an IBBB National Tour.
Sugar Bears Chew Juice Said,
Love this blog! But, I have to ask?! Am I the only one that notices (every stomach turning time) that any the camera is on Sugar Bear, he has some nice, deep,chocolate brown chew juice oozing from the corners of his mouth. Ok, now I want some pudding…BBL!!!
stooperstar smoochie Said,
Correction June has 4 baby daddies. Pumpkin just says that sugar bear is her bio father .
Hachet Face Said,
@ Conspiracy Man – I was wondering that as well. I think June said in a previous episode that she and Sugar Bear had been together 8 years. Pumpkin is 12. I mean, shouldn’t she be able to do that math, even if she has to use her fingers to count??
pumpkin Said,
Poor pumpkin just wishes she could claim Sugar Bear as her biological father since she probably doesn’t know/isn’t in contact with hers. And sugar bear is a father figure to all the girls since he actually stuck around longer than it took to knock up Mama.
T*ts on a stick Said,
@ Sugar Bear’s Chew Juice — I noticed it all around his mouth too! Nearly made me lose my lunch..
BooBoo's Camel To Said,
I love these people. I love that they get the joke is on them..they are happy and they don’t give a shit what you think of them….I wish I had grown up with that attitude but coming from NYC we all know that we must worry about what other people think of us until we are old enough to know it doesn’t matter…

I would rather hang out with the fats than any of the housewives or the teen moms…they know how to have fun!!

I did miss seeing June dance and help Honey BooBoo while she is up on the stage….that shit make me laugh so hard I rewind it at least twice and only wish the camera men would show us the faces on the people nearby.

Please don’t stop recapping this show…I am hoping they will move to Atlanta near Nene once they make enough money from being on this show ….now that would be a spin off!
BooBoo's Camel To Said,
@ june’s biscuit….that would be AMAZING….Kris Jenner swapping with June.. LMAO….television genius…don’t let anyone steal that idea from you…..call the E producers right now!
BooBoo's Camel Toe Said,
What do you think smells worse? June’s neck or Keiffer’s sweatshirt?
Mamarox Said,
I love this show as much as the next guy. But does anyone else see a pattern emerging as to who is the family favourite. Alana gets expensive pageants and tea cup pigs, Chickadee gets pregnant, Pumpkin gets dumpter (I mean “department store”) clothes. Chubbs, just gets to fart near people…
GLT (Glitzy, Lettuce and Tomato)..U know it is going to happen Said,
Hey, I claim the Jenner/BooBooRadley Wife Swap idea from the first episode! But I agree with Camel Toe..Love these people..June is handling the fame soooooo much better than any crappy housewife….I hope she does not let it go to her chins..I mean head….these people clearly love each other and have fun..good for them…Give me Honey Boo Boo over Gia, Milania or Sophia/Gremlin any day…this kid is funny!!!
jane Said,
I think that’s why people are tuning in. It’s ridiculous and trashy but they’re totally loving it because the family is in on the joke. They know exactly how they’re portraying themselves- June anyway- and amping it up. I would say they’re having a good laugh over it all.

Also, I heard they got a lot more than $4,000 a episode. Their house seems fairly nice and Sugar Bear put together the crib earlier. It seems like some of these things are just scripted to make them look bad.
meat, meat, meat, and more meat Said,
I agree with the child, though. If I want three meats as my sides with my dinner, why shouldn’t I be allowed to have that? I’m paying, and it’s my arteries that I am clogging, and besides, meat is delicious!
Justlikehoneybooboo Said,
I found some interesting tid bits about the “Sugars” and June’s revolving door of “baby daddies.”:
The oldest sister, Anna “Chickadee” Shannon, 17, was fathered by a man named David Dunn, 37, who didn’t even know he had a kid until June took him to court when their daughter was 4 years old!

He went to prison for stealing a handgun in 1995, and again in 1998 for stealing several cartons of cigarettes, according to the National Enquirer.

“They wanted me to sign away my rights to Anna, but I refused,” he told the magazine. “June won’t let me see her.”

15-year-old Jessica “Chubs” Shannon‘s dad is Anthony Michael Ford, 35, who is a registered sex offender in Georgia, and served more than two years in prison in 2005 for sexually exploiting a child, but he too claims that Mama June won’t let him see his daughter.

To add to the confusion, no one is really sure who 12-year-old Lauryn’s father is. “I don’t think June even knows who it is,” a source told the magazine.

Even Sugar Bear has a criminal record. He was sentenced to five years for robbing a series of hunting camps, according to the National Enquirer, and June spent some time in the slammer for passing bad checks and stealing money from McDonald’s when she was an employee.
Closing the Adoption Said,
I dont care what these ppls done…I LOVE them! It’s sooo good to see how much they enjoy life n not walkn around w stick (or log) up theirs! I love how they are so in on the joke and taking it in.!
Mary Said,
If they are making 4K, like it’s been said, they sure won’t be next season. This is the hottest show on TV right now. I’m just waiting for Gina Rodriquez (agent to Octomom, Michael Lohan, and a host of other losers) to take them on and start making some real money for them. Only thing I’m worried about is you might not get to bar tend for Andy if you quit recapping the housewives, but those shows are getting annoying.
is kyle slow Said,
Honey Boo Boo tells the waitress that they’re fat, which legally I believe she has to

best.line.ever.
Brooke Said,
$4k? That’s it??
Am I the only one who feels like Chickadee doesn’t quite belong? True, she’s a bit slow but she’s also the prettiest and the thinnest (despite being 8mths pregnant).
Gentleman Greeter Said,
I bet the bugs in Mama’s Forklift foot got all excited and burrowed further in her flesh when they smelled the trip to the “department store”. I think that’s where the bugs came from anyway. She had a coupon for ‘em.

That employee at Shh! It’s a Wig was BLASIAN not just Asian, let’s be serious. I love how they all kept saying “Shh! It’s a Wig”. Made my own neck crust quiver with joy.

I couldn’t help but think to myself, yes, they may not have indoor plumbing, and yes Sugar’s chew may be oozing out the sides of his mouth round the clock… But Mama and Sugar do care about and love those girls. They may not be fancy but they spend time with their kids, have fun, and somehow provide for them.

So there…

BLONK.
Krista Said,
I loved when Pumpkin got rolled up in that dirty mattress and then sat on.
GLT (Glitzy, Lettuce and Tomato)..U know it is going to happen Said,
Oh, lets make this happen..several articles on gossip blogs that Kris Pimp Mom Jenner is appalled by June (jealous much???). Lets DEMAND a Wife Swap…forget the election..this is so much more important. I used to work for TLC and believe me, they are probably not making much more than 4k an episode..TLC gets people that have no idea about finances and milk them for all they are worth.
Spare Santa Suit Said,
Blasian. Definitely. And she did a good job waiting on the Sugars.

When they left “Shhhh, It’s a Wig,” Sugar Bear was wearing that “Smexy” mullet wig. They shot their exit from a distance, but you could clearly see if you watched close.

It’s been such a drought where I live, I should’ve unhooked the plumbing and put a bucket under there in order to water the yard. It’s the socially responsible thing to do in times of drought . . .
Mullet Wig Said,
@ Cycling Accessory – Hey! Stop using my phrase!!
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