Teen Mom Reunion Part One: Foreheads with a Side of Sass

teen-mom-reunion-the-farrah-bunch

I’m glad that MTV decided to split this reunion up into two parts.  I think it technically takes that long to try and discover exactly where iCarly is hiding out.  Spoiler Alert:  Tajikistan.  I know, it’s usually the first place I look but the last place Dr. Drew looked.  Speaking of doctors who mainly appear on television, Dr. Drew has decided to semi-retire his trademark t-shirt and blazer in order to look older and more “available” to Farrah.  I mean, I assume that.  For some inexplicable reason Farrah appears to be dressed like Dorothy Zbornak so it only makes sense that Drew is dressed like Dr Harry Weston.  I’m kidding.  He’s clearly doing his best “Charlie Dietz.”  Anygultch, let’s see exactly what went down (besides Amber on her jail-house girlfriend) last night on “You Didn’t Graduate from High School, So Here’s Your Reunion:  Reunion.”

Before we can begin, Dr. Drew reads a “letter” from Amber who unfortunately couldn’t be there.  The letter was amazing.  She addressed it like she was winning an Academy Award.  She claims in her letter that she’s doing well, but is just dealing with a probation issue.  Aww that’s cute.  I hope your 5 years in jail is as wondrous as I imagine it to be.  Anyway,  we kick things off with Husky Kitty and someone who is supposed to be Tyler, but we all know that she’s actually sitting next to David Silver circa 1998 with his oversized bright red shirt and black vest.  I was waiting for him to sing a snippet of “Switch It Up” just to prove he was really from the 90210.  I’m relieved that Ty and Cate are no longer dressing like Bratz Dolls but just because Tyler is 10 feet tall doesn’t mean he always has to wear an XXL that would basically be swimming on Gary.  Catelynn looks nice.  She’s growing out her T-Boz bob, is still chasing waterfalls, don’t want no scrubs, and if she were to be wearing a hat…it would obviously be worn 2 da back.  For someone who sported braces for more than half her life I was surprised that when she smiled my initial reaction was that she should have kept them on for another 3-4 years.  Perhaps Butch melted down the metal from her retainer whilst drug use was in play.  One may never know.

Per usual, Cate and Tyler are doing awesome.  Yawn.  And, spoiler alert, they’ve set a date for their wedding.  Supposedly it’s in a year, but something tells me they’ll wait for Butch to be freed from the slammer so he can walk/chase Catelynn down the aisle.  Hopefully MTV will film this because clearly I want to see what it’s like when “trailer folk” decide to wed.  Seeing April fall off the wagon (both literally and figuratively) during the reception (at Olive Garden) is more than my simple little mind can take.  I hope their wedding colors are tan and orange, you know, in honor of Butch’s prison colors.  All of the wedding party will wear Butch’s tan sandals and, of course, be shackled.  As they should.  Anyway, Dr. Drew is sure to blow as much smoke up their arses as possible.  And we learn that Catelynn really loves to help girls who are in trouble who want to give up their children.  Where was she when Octomom was pushing them out?  You see, I think that Octomom jokes (3 years later) are just as funny today as they were back then.  At one point they had some chick in the audience ask Catelynn what should a girl do if she’s pregnant and wants to give up her baby, but also maybe keep it so she can stay with her man.  I love these Ricki Lake-style questions.  Catelynn rambled on for hours with her answer, but I kept yelling at my television, “Flush it.  F’n flush it.”  What did you yell?

Just when I lapsed into my 3rd coma of the evening they wheel out April who’s looking like hot sex on a cold plate.  I’m not quite sure what that means, but yet I’m sticking with it.  April has dyed her gray strings and is even sporting some high leather black boots that go right up to the knobby knee.  While some of you may think April is doing this because she is a “slave to fashion” I’m pretty sure that she likes her boots that high because you can store multiple Twisted Teas all up and down the leg.  She’s like a pioneer.  April is also about 72 minutes sober.  Good for her.  She should do shots to celebrate.  She has given up “the sauce” (which has taken decades off her facia bruta) but she can’t seem to quit Butch.  How can you blame her.  She’s addicted to the way his salt-and-pepper rat tail drips sweat in the summer heat.  At one point Drew makes them all push over on the couch so he can sit directly next to April and chat with her.  I thought he was going to try and slip it in but, alas, he did not.  He is a trained professional and only does that when the cameras are down.  Allegedly.  Out little April has apparently written a letter to Brandon and Teresa to let them know she’s sober now and would like to meet her “grand baby” sometime in the future.  I’m sure they called the FBI and put on plastic gloves when that letter arrived at their house.  It was probably written in crayon and sealed with Rainbow Brite stickers.  They probably poured a couple of glasses of wine and had a laugh or two over the letter.  Poor April (literally).  She’ll get to see iCarly when everything in The Jetson’s actually starts to happen.

We also learn that Tyler never sent Butch that letter that he wrote him because he doesn’t want to give up on the guy.  Well probably for that reason and the likelihood that Butch has a cellmate that will help him sound-out words is slim to none.  In the end, since there isn’t much more to talk with them about Dr Drew shows them a clip of their 16 & Pregnant episode when they had to give up their child.  Ah, awkward?  He asked how that makes them feel and they reply by saying, “Happy!”  Oh kids.  Yeah, it made me happy too…the way that seeing a homeless man with a tinfoil hat drinking a 6-pack makes me happy.  Catelynn leaves us with the thought that keeping a baby when you’re a teenager is too hard and she points out that none of the cast is still together.  I mean that’s sorta kinda almost true.  Farrah’s baby daddy died (to escape her) so that’s not really fair, Cate, but still.  Point taken.  I hope these two saved as much of their Teen Mom money as possible because things are about to get real, real soon.

Speaking of people who are dead (inside) enter Farrah.  She looks as happy as ever.  Every question that Dr. Drew asks her she kinda gives a “F U” answer.  So basically she’s the same as she was for the entire time we knew her…except she’s dressing like a resident of Boca Raton.  Ms. Gulch is a true sass-master when Drew asks her about her relationships with both Adam and Daniel.  Now I do remember Daniel, but who the hell was Adam?  More importantly, I couldn’t care less.  All I know is that Farrah seems to think that both these guys only wanted to be with her because she was “Farrah from Teen Mom.”  Of course they are.  It’s not like they’re after her for her worm-like ways and beaming personality.  Plus, she has a kid so who the hell wants to deal with that mess?  Oh, and tack on Debra…in which she could kill you.  So basically it’s a recipe for disaster…and blueberry muffins.  Just add blueberries.  Duh.

Farrah also spends some time telling her side of the story about what really happened with Daniel.  She claims at his friends party he was staring at her and then told her to take a cab back to the hotel.  Yeah, I don’t believe any of that.  I don’t think Drew did either because he kept asking her about her pressuring Daniel into getting engaged and getting a ring.  I legit have no clue what’s actually happening because suddenly Farrah starts spouting out nursery rhymes and saying “Yeah, little boy broke.”  I don’t even know what that means.  Is that like code for something?  Baa baa black sheep?  2 Legit 2 Quit?  I is be confuzed, please.  At least Farrah lets all the pervs of the world know that she is single and is looking to date older men.  I’m almost positive that Drew pitched a tent right then and there.  He was like, “Cut!” and then took his pants off to reveal his ding-a-ling wearing a t-shirt and blazer.  You knew that t-shirt was hiding around there somewhere!

Later, since even Drew seems bored he finally asks Farrah why she calls her father “Michael” and not “daddy bear.”  Ok I made that last part up. But he did ask.  Apparently Farrah claims that he did things growing up where she lost respect for him and therefore will only call him Michael.  Ahem, diddled, ahem.  She then says that her whole family basically bullies Michael into that name…and then she laughs. Oh she sure is her mother’s daughter.  When Drew asks why she doesn’t call Debra “Debra” Farrah just laughs and says that Debra wouldn’t be ok with that. Now that is definitely code for “She’ll butcher-knife the sh*t out of me.”  Speaking of “the claw” they end up bringing Debra out, who is dressed like a Delta “stewardess” from 1988 and, well, I’m ready for take-off.  They all admit that Debra really takes a beating from Farrah, but Farrah claims it’s justified since growing up Debra was always working and traveling (high priced escort?) and when she was in town she would just fight with Michael all the time.  Um, yeah and your point?  Isn’t that what marriage is all about?  I’m pretty sure it’s even in the Bible.  It’s right after the passage with that cute little story about the leper.  Wink wink.  I have no idea.  Anyway, Farrah is still upset even today because at Baby Goop’s birthday party Debra and Michael were acting like they wanted to get back together and spent every night going out and drinking.  Ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it.  I totally knew these two hit the sauce on the regular.  I’m sure April is back stage right now drooling.

In the end, Farrah gave us multiple ugly-cries and multiple orgasms.  She is clearly still a hot mess and is about to bust at the seams the moment Goop throws one more thing at her head.  She’s still complaining about Derrick being gone and she’s still bummed that they were supposed to run away together to get away from their horrific families.  I’m glad things worked out the way they did, minus the whole dirt-nap scenario.  I think my life wouldn’t be as good without Debra and crew in it.  I am that pathetic.  Finally, Farrah ends up thanking Debra for being her mom and helping her with Goop and being “hard on her.”  Again, a shout out to the butcher knives obviously.  Debra, of course, starts to cry and talk in that extremely high pitched voice that only Stitch can actually hear.  She claims that she’s proud of Farrah for everything she has accomplished…getting pregnant at 16, embarrassing the family on national television, and getting her associates degree in “heating up pizza.”  I’d be proud too.

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Comments

  1. Husky Kitty says:

    I haven’t actually watched the reunion yet, but I find that reading the recap first gives me an entirely snarkier perspective of things/poor people to pick on in my deranged mind once I do actually watch it. So bravo, IBBB! (speaking of which, when are you going on WWHL?)

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  3. tyler loves my-kuhl says:

    Omg. Mere words cannot describe how much I despise that c-bag Farrah. I’m totally amazed her eye balls stay in their sockets with the constant eye rolling. My husband and I clapped with pure glee when “doctor” drew asked if her pushing for a ring is what made Daniel run screaming away from her. SO not like him to ask what we’re all thinking. Also when he and Debra agreed that she and my -kuhl are adults and can do whatever the fuck they please…the hate filled look on farrahs face was magic. Did anyone catch all the “WTF?!?” looks on the audiences faces when she busted out ‘little boy broke’? Also, next week when maci turns to cat fight dalis, the back of her (blonde and black…wtf?) hair looks like a rats nest. Catelynn and Miss Tyler ….stop fucking talking like you know anything about life and the real world…dumb ass kids! April was jones-ing so hard it was painful to watch. Can’t wait for fat ass geaaaaaaary and poor poor cheated on maci (way to go, kyyyyyyle!!!) next week. Peace, Love and puffy leather.

  4. haha i said the same thing about caitlyns teeth

  5. Chin cysts says:

    Choo choo! Here comes the fucked up family express!

    I’ve read before that Farrah claims that she calls Michael by his first name because Debra encouraged her to do that. That way half-sis AshleyUnderbite wouldn’t feel left out, because she was calling Michael by his first name and not “dad”. So what’s with the “Michael-knows-what-he-did-to-fuck-up-my-childhood-therefore-I’m-calling-him-Michael” story?

    And I’m happy that although Michael and Debra are divorced, they’re still getting sauced together on the regular. April and Butch could take a lesson from these two.

  6. The Pacifier Still In Use During H/S Graduation says:

    I was honestly hoping Dr. Weeble would shout “just kidding! Carly! Get your ass out here!”

  7. tyler loves my-kuhl says:

    …I was hoping Daniel AND My-kuhl would show up to double team that bitch. Gawd!

  8. When Dr Drew explained why Amber wasn’t at the reunion (like all of America doesn’t already know) because of “probabtion problems” I yelled out loud at my tv ” SHE’S IN GEL!”

    I also don’t undertand why everyone keeps dragging out the Daniel issue like they were dating for 6 yrs and were engaged when they broke up. They had been together for 2 months, then broke up, BFD!

  9. QueenofCorona says:

    Ugh, Maci needs to get over herself already. Soulless ginger is the ONLY one who still thinks Ryan wants her.

    I wish Farrah would have given us a z-snap Milania style with the little boy broke riddle.

  10. social working degree says:

    was Farrah seriously upset because her parents were getting along? wtf? who the hell gets pissed off because their divorced parents are happy and nice to each other?

  11. Not Goggles says:

    Catelynn and Tyler bored me to tears.. And Farrah just got on my nerves with her b*chy facial expressions. The best part is when she said Debra Lou Who and Michael go out and get drunk together. Prickly pear margaritas, anyone?

    This “finale special” just reinforced how much I’m ready for TM2 to come back.. I could care less about these trash bags.

  12. Not Goggles says:

    P.S. Does anyone know what the holy hell “little boy broke” even means?

  13. Amby's hand piercing says:

    All of this needs to be done with. Bring on the Teen Mom2 season 3 trailer….yea– Barb:)

  14. Hot Pink NailPolish says:

    You never disappoint us! Reading your recap is the only reason I feel the need to watch the Reunion.
    Luhhhh yewww!

  15. Tyler's Gay Lover says:

    I so wish that just once Dr Drew would say what everyone wants to say to Farrah instead of glossing over it in a sugar-coated way! He did a little better this time, but still not good enough.
    She is soooo many levels of screwed up. If you hate your parents so much, quit talking to them and pushing your kid on them! If they screwed her up so bad, why would she want them around her kid? Oh yeah, cuz they really aren’t so bad. Quit crying about Derrick! If he was alive, you know she’d probably just hate him right now.
    She has a ton of maturing to do.
    @tyler loves my-kuhl–I noticed her rage filled face, too. Haha!

    There’s nothing I hate more than self-entitled, whiny, little brats who blame all their issues on their parents/childhood. Especially when it probably wasn’t even bad.

  16. slappie jones says:

    @social working degree: I assume it’s because it takes the attention away from Farrah. It’s all about ME! ME! ME! I think that’s half of the reason she pissy with baby goop and constantly brings up the dead baby daddy.

  17. slappie jones says:

    @tyler loves my -kuhl: haha…we noticed Ape too…how could you not!?! She could make a cup of espresso nervous. She was counting down the seconds until she could high tail it back to the hotel and raid the mini bar! 72 days sober, my ass!!! I wonder if tmz could get a hold of the hotel charges?

  18. Brenda Walsh says:

    Please explain why MTV felt the need to focus about 45 minutes on the ultra-boring and annoyingly preachy Cate and Ty but only about 15 minutes on hot mess Farrah and Debra? Honestly, if Cate and Ty get a spin off I will kill myself. They are the worst. Catelynn is always running her mouth on Twitter on how awful abortion is – seriously, Catelynn, I would think someone in your position would be a bit less judgmental. Guess not. And stop telling girls they can choose their own adoption plan. That’s really not how it works. If it was, then you guys would see Carly more than once a year. It’s totally irresponsible for her to say that.

  19. I don’t blame Debra for Punching Farrah in the face, because if she was my daughter, I’d have slapped the attitude out of her a LONG time ago.

  20. butch goes to law school says:

    so,im reading amber has an absess in her mouth.they are making it sound like shes at deaths door…anyway,these reunions are more boring..ive heard michael and debra live in different states now..

  21. Sophia's Pacifier says:

    Patrick I give you huge props for sitting through this garbage heap of a show. I tried…I honestly tried to watch the reunion special and lasted about 5 minutes and turned it off. Just couldn’t sit through it.

  22. Sophia's Pacifier says:

    I agree with Brenda Walsh. Right before I turned off the TV I remember thinking ‘WTF?’ After Cate told everyone how adoption is simple and you can choose your own plan. If they could call the shots then why are then crying all the time over not seeing Carly, not knowing where she lives, only communicating through the adoption agent and meeting in public areas instead of visiting at their homes?

  23. Catelynn's Chewed off Fingernail Polish says:

    The best shot for me was the “Eat (poo) and die” stare Farrah gave the camera after Dr. Drew drooled all over her about how nice it was to meet the grown-up Farrah. Nice pick-up line, Pinski.

  24. Sophia was right. Farrah is a bad person. says:

    Seriously, if Farrah truly wanted a better life for Sophia than she had, why be angry that Debra & Michael are now getting along? Would it make her happier if they beat the bag out of each other just because she was witness to that growing up? She’s still not mature enough to have a kid.

    Bring on Barb & the Cheeto twins!

  25. boredwithcatenty says:

    I wonder if Beary…I mean Gary will be on?

  26. “April’s…looking like hot sex on a cold plate.”

    Sure does, IBBB. Sure. Does.

    It’s better than looking like cold sex on a hot plate, but not much.

  27. butch goes to law school says:

    so michael and debra are now knocking boots?maybe deb will be in a better mood and not try to butcher knife farrah.

  28. butch goes to law school says:

    i,too miss leah and goggles/not goggles.but after reading that cameramans story,ill be cracking up when they come on.

  29. Maci's Mr. Magoo Glasses says:

    @butch – What is the goggles/not goggles story you’re referring to? Sounds like an interesting read!

  30. Maci's Mr. Magoo Glasses says:

    I just saw the commenter name “Sophia was right. Farrah is a bad person.” Lost. It.

  31. Sophia was right. Farrah is a bad person. says:

    Magoo glasses- I just thought truer words had never been spoken. :)

    As far as what Butch was referring to, a cameraman came out recently and said that Farrah was indeed a bitch (shocker!) and that Leah was beyond a disgusting housekeeper. Used tampons laying on the floor for months, etc. It will be harder to watch the twins eat off the floor now…

  32. please @butch goes to law school – tell us where we can read this story!

  33. Maci's Mr. Magoo Glasses says:

    Thank you! Now I’ve got to put my Google skills to work!

  34. April's Pleather Hooka Boots says:

    Did “Doctor” Drew really say “I applaud you” to April for how Cate turned out?! Seriously? WTF did April do as a mom that is to be admired? Not beat the bag out of her? Berate and verbal abuse her at every opportunity about the decision to give Carly up for adoption? Give her an unstable childhood in trailer after trailer surrounded by junkies, addicts and alkies?

    Exactly what part of April’s “mothering” deserves applause?

  35. Sophia's Pacifier says:

    According to Daniel’s twitter page. One of his friends drove her back to the hotel after they had an argument. That’s his side of the story…not that it really means anything anyway.

  36. June's 4th chin says:

    I find it interesting that Farrah truly believes that her and Derrick would have been sailing into the sunset together…that’s cute.

    Honestly they would have made for some great drama, you know they wouldn’t be together if he was still living. It would be like Kail and whats-his name…the “rapper” baby daddy. He missed out on Goop growing up but boy did he dodge a bullet with Farrah.

  37. Y'all took all the good names says:

    Haha I just read that Farrah’s newest boyfriend dumped her today. Guess he was embarrased by the show last night? Also..did you know Maci is filming a spin off? I will not be watching that unless your going to recap.

    About the cameraman story, you can find it on teenmomnews.com..it will tell you some of it but it will also give you a link for the rest of it.

  38. Sophia was right. Farrah is a bad person. says:

    It’s pretty sad yet hilarious that we all agree the guy who died dodged a bullet by not having to be with Farrah.

  39. Brenda Walsh says:

    @Ya’ll Wait wait wait – is Maci really doing a spinoff? Confirmed by MTV? She’s been hinting at it on Twitter but I thought maybe that was her way of trying to make it happen. If true, that actually excites me. I was getting sort of sad knowing I wouldn’t get to see Bentley anymore!

  40. T*ts on a Stick says:

    Geez, I almost slept through the whole first half — blah blah blah with Husky Kitty and Miss Tyler (insert bored eye-roll here). Those two are not going to know what to do with themselves now when they don’t have a camera on them all the time to whine to and go on and on about adoption.

    I’m glad Dr. Panda asked Farrah why she calls her dad Micheal, I’ve read other stories than the one she gave Dr. Panda, but it was fun to watch her squirm.

    Maci is filming a spin off?? WTF would it be about? Maci sits around growing oranger and oranger, Maci sits around while her zits grow and multiply, Maci sits around some more and whines/pines for Rhiiiiin??

  41. Social Working says:

    So my first thought is that I don’t think Cait will be able to be objective enough to be a Social Working-er in the adoption world. She practically did a Z Snap when she said that she and Ty were the only couple still together.

  42. Farrah’s parents – Debra Danielsen and Mike Abraham – are both on Linkedin and both (ridiculously) list “Teen Mom Cast Member” on their professional resumes.

    I spend a lot of time obsessing about Debra and wondering how I can get my own Victorian mansion jammed with priceless antiques, super high-end appliances and adjacent rental properties. She’s been in telecom since the 1980′s, so I feel like her vast wealth and no job makes a little more sense now. Maybe she was given stock options or something??

  43. butch goes to law school says:

    i too just read about farrah getting dumped.he just sent her a text saying i dont want to talk anymore..and i think the cameramans story is everywhere,apparently,the day after he talked,mtv bitch slapped him..

  44. Cleveland TN says:

    Poor Catelynn is so clueless. How can she not see that Tyler has lost interest after watching the show? IMO, they used this adoption as an excuse to make money. I bet as soon as the cameras leave, so will Tyler. He will be so out of there she won’t know what happened. Wait, he may stick around for all the money, freebies, honeymoon vacation, etc. since they are practically screaming for MTV to air it. You can tell by the things he says and looks he gives Catelynn that he has already checked out and probably only stays around for the money and exposure for his dream of being an “actor.” Heck, he will probably be pretty good at it because I also think that last week’s temper tantrum wasn’t the first, nor the last, he has had/will have. He even admitted being in counseling at age 5 and a “bad kid.” I’m glad they gave Carly up. And poor Catelynn is so clueless. She is just like her mother….she chose Tyler over her own baby. These two are Butch and April in the making.

    Farrah…smh. She is a C U next tuesday.

    Maci…she is a total disappointment and I cannot believe Kyle sticks around when it is so obvious she uses him to try and make Ryan jealous.

    Amber…has anyone else wondered if Amber could possibly have a thyroid disorder. First classic signs are tiredness, outer third of eyebrows missing, puffy face, mood swings, orange color to skin (I know it’s probably fake tanning stuff). But seriously. I have watched her 16 and Pregnant episode and she looks/acts totally different and thyroid conditions are common right after giving birth.

  45. T*ts on a Stick says:

    And another thing — Frankenberry must have a magic peen or something! I mean, first of all he snags Maci (not like she’s a catch or anything, but still, he’s getting some action there), and then he finds a girl to cheat with! How did that happen?!

  46. june's biscuit says:

    i will miss april and butch and farrah’s ugly crying (ok, maybe not that), but come on, we all know here comes honey boo boo is where it’s at! #forkliftfoot #hashtagjokes #iloveibbb

  47. Tyler's Explosive Temper...oh snap says:

    Tits..I don’t think the cheater is Frankenberry…I think Maci dated another Kyle and that is who they are talking about.

  48. Trashclaws down, best part of the reunion was watching Farrah try not to kill herself by chewing off her tongue while complementing Debra’s stellar parenting skills.

  49. IS KYLE SLOW says:

    I wanna see wife swap teen mom edition. I would lovr to see farrah have to swap with husky kitty and live in a trailer park

  50. Scopped Liver says:

    Hahaha, magic peen.

  51. Magic Peen says:

    Squeeze me!

  52. tyler loves richard says:

    Enough with this talking to the teen momskanks. I say, bring out Bentley for an hour-long interview, because he tells it like it is.

  53. Michaels mistake says:

    I have said for 2 seasons now that that family has more skeletons in their closet than a haunted house. I imagine it was sexual abuse but I also pin that on a lot of people when they act the way she [farrah] does.

  54. The Pacifier Still In Use During H/S Graduation says:

    Sadly… I KNOW this as I’m in the same industry. Debra has been in telecoms since the early days… believe it or not? She was one of the pioneers that worked in text messaging. For the loony toon she is? She is actually very intelligent. I worked for the company she was the consultant to/for when text messaging was in it’s infancy and being tested in Europe.

    She always portrayed the “American dream of the perfect family where the white knight took in her 1st illegitimate daughter…” I wonder if that is where Farrah’s issues stem from now?

  55. Let's Face It-Tyler and Gary are both 50 Shades of Gay says:

    I didn’t even watch this but felt the need to comment on Slow cheating on Maci? What? She really needs to get rid of him. He is ugly, stupid, but at least he was loyal. Kind of like a big ugly slow dog.

  56. Conspiracy Man says:

    I just saw that Ty & Cate have announced that they would officially like iCarly to be their flower girl at the wedding. They have not heard frmo B & T as to whether she will even be at the wedding.

    Can you imagine the horror going through B & T’s minds right now? There is no way in hell that they will subject their kid to that level of torture. Can you see April and Kim, just waiting to get their hooks into the little girl and her parents? Why can’t these two losers just deal with the fact of what adoption is all about? I actually feel sorry for Carly and her real parents (B&T). It is time to seal this one down.

  57. Amby's hand piercing says:

    Oh my word— and the creepy factor has just reached its highest mark. Are you kidding me with this? they actually have the nerve to say they want her to be their flower girl?? why in the hell do they think she will be there with B&T! hell no…..
    she is not their little cousin or friend’s daughter. she was adopted and her being there would be terribly awkward!
    they need to get a clue…and a life!

    Annnnnnd, the adoption is oficially closed!

  58. The new "ends meat" says:

    Once I saw the most random discussion board about Teen Mom. It was on a mixed martial arts forum and it was all men discussing the show. Weird as that was itself, they ALL thought Farrah had been diddled by Michael. To them it was obvious! Reading that definitely made me consider that being the reason why she hates Debra (who left her alone with her abuser and probably ignored signs of abuse). Shoot, Michael married a woman who already had a small child. That’s a big warning sign to me!

  59. Chin cysts says:

    I hope we’re going to get some coverage on Maci, Slow Ky, Riiine, and Dallass next week. Hopefully they’ll bring Bintlee out to talk some sense into his many dumbass parentals.

    And yeah I really hope that Husky and SunofaButch don’t get their hopes up with iCarly coming to their wedding. Let’s face it, April is going to be there. Did Dawn say that was a good idea? Doubt it.

  60. Bint-lee says "get some!" says:

    As a grown woman who gave a child up for adoption in my early twenties, it annoys the fuck out of me how Catelynn and Tyler act. I had a semi open adoption which meant I chose the parents from files…not meeting them in person. They sent pics if they wanted to and I handed the baby to a adoption therapist who then drove him to his new home. No hand holding keepsake giving love fest in the hospital. And while I get a little sad on his birthday, it is not the main focus of my life or is his name mentioned in every goddamn sentence I utter. As in, “hmmm I think we will have lasagna for dinner…I wonder if thats what my son is having? Does he like lasagna? I wonder if he prefers onions in the sauce like I do?” They REALLY need to get a grip and move ON!

  61. After I start your Rss feed it appears to be a ton of junk, is the problem on my side?

  62. butch goes to law school says:

    the new,ive wondered if maybe michael did something to farrah..and maybe ashley too because ashley barely talks to him.catelynn and tyler do need to realize carly is not their child.another one that needs to move on is the ashley from 16 and pregnant.this girls whole life revolves around a child she gave up and now,shes back with the dad.i see her trying to get her baby back.on a side note,when they did the adoption special,ashley said callie hit carly in the head with a block..

  63. BooBoo's Camel To says:

    I too must say that I hate Farrah so much it makes me want to throw a brick thru my television every time she rolls her eyes and talks about how everybody but her is an asshole.

    Why did she have to go to school for two years to learn how to make an English muffin pizza? I’ve been making those since I was five.

    What a miserable bitch she is… I can’t wait for Sophia to be just like her and blame her horrible behavior on the fact that Farrah put them on TV, spent her money on boobs, made a fool of herself writing a book and singing and killed her baby’s father…oh wait…that last part isn’t true…then again…how do we know he was not racing away from Farrah’s ugly cry face when he got into that accident?

    Brandon and Theresa….go into witness protection. And I think hell will freeze over the day Tyler and Cate actually marry because Tyler thinks he is god’s gift to women now and will dump her once the cameras stop rolling.

    Amber…..stay in gel…..you suck.

  64. BooBoo's Camel To says:

    Does anyone know what Maci and Dalis fight about next week?

  65. Conspiracy Man says:

    I just returned from lunch with my girlfriend. When I told her about Tyler and Catelynn’s wedding plans, she raised an incredibly good point- WHERE ARE THE FAMILIES GOING TO BE SEATED AT THE WEDDING? There can’t be a bride’s side or a groom’s side, since both sides are the same. We decided that they would just have one unifamily seating area.

  66. slappie jones says:

    Why…they’ll be sitting next to the dueling banjo’s and port a pottie brought in for the special occasion!!! Hee-haw, y’all!!!!

  67. Closing the Adoption says:

    Tyler n HuskyKitty are ridiculously insane. There is absolutely NO way that B&T will allow iCarly to catch the poors! Those two need to get some serious help n realize that she isn’t theres and hasnt been for the past 3yrs!

    Farrah was probably abused-but by one of her uncles. Michael is just a pushover as she stated. Everyone bullies him. & yes sadly Derrik really did dodge the bullet, I mean he had already by leaving her after knoccn her up but he sure as hell found a permanent solution!

  68. slappie jones says:

    I wonder what farrahs’ baby daddy’s family thinks about her comment that they planned on running away to escape “their horrible families”?!? Ummm…ouch.

  69. Social Working says:

    I can’t see Michael as the abuser but you never know. He did help her out intimately when she got the boob job. It also could be why the bitch sisters said the debra ruined their lives. I’m putting a lot of thought into this.

    But if this was true, and Farrah sent Sophia to live with them then she’s even more of a bad person than Sophia stated.

  70. Amby's hand piercing says:

    I think i read somewhere that Michael and Derek got in some real heated arguements when he and Farrah the big C were dating in HS. Although, i think most of the arguements were because Michael caught farrah and derek having sex in his house– so ya know, he wasnt too pleased.
    I read that Michael got arrested once after one of the arguements.
    That is why i thought Farah hated Michael but who the hell knows……

  71. tyler loves richard says:

    Brandon and Teresa: close the adoption. Now.

  72. "the Gary" of homes says:

    Wife Swap – Teen Mom edition…yes!
    Maybe they’d even let Ambuhh out of gel to try and push Debra down the stairs!!!

  73. Maci's Hair Dye says:

    Maci is getting a spinoff but it has nothing to do with Teen Mom. Ryan and Dalis don’t even want to be a part of it. It’s all about Maci’s life of partying and sitting on a couch complaining about how hard it is to have a baby daddy that cares about his son and endless supplies of cash even though she should already have her doctorate and have cured caner, AIDS, and Herpes by now. By the way she acts, you’d think she already did.

    HoneyBooBoo’s Camel Toe, The clip is on MTV.com. It is just Maci being a PITA because she’s all “Dalis, You shouldn’t go there because you’re not gonna like what I have to tell you.” And then Dalis is all staring directly at Maci with a huge bitchface and says “Go ahead and tell everyone because I would LOVE to hear it.” Maci then makes up some story about how Ryan was the one who texted her first because he and Dalis had fought and he wanted to hang out with Maci and her friends. Dalis and Ryan start smirking and laughing half way through the story but Maci doesn’t even notice because she’s too busy not making eye contact with anyone since she’s obviously lying about the whole thing. Ryan then confirms the lie by saying he still has absolutely no idea what she’s talking about. That’s the gist of it. I am assuming that Ryan and Dalis were laughing at the fact that as Maci is talking about how Ryan wants her back, she looks like she just got done working her shift on the corner of Main and Dingleberry while Dalis looks like she’s ready to accept her job offer as the hot intern at the most successful business in town. Ryan definitely upgraded. Maci is a f-ing mess and is about the only person in this entire world that can’t see that Ryan hates every part of her. Especially the huge refund gap in between her new knockers.

  74. your left ovary says:

    I must agree that Ryan, along with several “baby daddies” that I know, has gone from a zero to a hero. :)

  75. Let's Face it-Tyler and Gary are both 50 Shades of Gay says:

    iCarly will not be the flower girl. She is not their little sister. They really do need to close that adoption, and fast. Ty and Cate have had thousands of hours worth of counseling and I can’t believe someone hasn’t told them to let go yet. This isn’t healthy.

    Farrah’s book is a bestseller. The world really is ending.

  76. April's Broken Toliet Seat says:

    I think it’s super creepy that Husky Kitty and Miss Tyler talk about iCarly like she’s their kid. Do they not realize that Brandonteresa are probably watching the same thing we are? iCarly is going to be so disappointed when/if she watches their episodes years down the line. They need to get a no contact order, STAT!

  77. slappie jones says:

    I just imagined icarly being a typical bratty teenager one day, complaining to brandonandteresa about something and them leading her silently over to a flat screen and hitting “teen mom ” on the ‘ol tivo and making her watch from start to finish until she breaks down sobbing and thanks them profusely for saving her from the white trash from which she was born.

  78. “You Didn’t Graduate from High School, So Here’s Your Reunion, Reunion.” says:

    LOL @ Slappie. That vision is spot on. One would think you just stepped out of a Delorean with that one….

    LOL @ “the Gary” of homes about “Wife Swap – Teen Mom edition with Amber out of gel to push Debra down the stairs” — That’s awesome. I guess in the swap, Gary’s MILF would be served gourmet cuisine like Farrah’s english muffin pizza and broken fortune cookie cannolis. She’ll balloon up to Gary’s size before the swap is over and make her own “Biggest Loser” audition tape.

  79. WV_Genetic-cyst says:

    When I picture Tyler as David Silver, I see him behind some turntables and all I can hear is “you’re so precious to me…. am I preccccccccious to you?”….

    Rolling my joints to go back to the grassy knoll!

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  81. Strung out on leopard print says:

    ^^ Buzz kill.

  82. your left ovary says:

    yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy spam! ^^^^

  83. I would gladly listen to a recording of Fran Drescher's laugh on repeat before listening to Farrah "sing" on her new "album" again. says:

    “I legit have no clue what’s actually happening because suddenly Farrah starts spouting out nursery rhymes and saying “Yeah, little boy broke.” I don’t even know what that means. Is that like code for something? Baa baa black sheep? 2 Legit 2 Quit? I is be confuzed, please.” My thoughts exactly. Farrah is all over the board and never makes any definitive statements about anything in her life. I still have absolutely no idea why she hates her parents so much or why she calls her dad Michael. She has a melt down every time Debra speaks…actually, when anyone speaks…She got all bent out of shape on one of her dates with Adam (I think) and later on explains that he is too immature for her. Of course he did have the audacity to suggest she could just relax and chill out on her next day off. Yes, he’s a monster. She spends the majority of her time bitching about her mom being a horrible parent and then ships her kid off to said mom for a month. She needs serious help on so many levels. And I would gladly listen to a recording of Fran Drescher’s laugh on repeat before listening to Farrah “sing” on her new “album” again.

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  85. HELP! Anyone know which episode of Teen Mom where Farrah & her sister tell Debra she’s a bad mom? I realized I haven’t seen it yet, I missed a critical scene!

  86. “At one point Drew makes them all push over on the couch so he can sit directly next to April and chat with her. I thought he was going to try and slip it in but, alas, he did not.”

    Where have you been all my life? I mean, really?! <3