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Honey Boo Boo Recap: Forklift Foot Flies
I’ve been in the stunned position since Wednesday night after seeing Mama’s forklift foot. We’ll get to that in a minute. But first we must start with the “Who’s the Boss…to be continued” episode where we get to learn if 17 year old Chickadee shot a fetus out of her biscuit. Unfortunately, even with all the pain that was going right down to her va-jay-jay, Chickadee was able to keep the future scholar inside of her just a little bit longer. Since the camera crew wasn’t allowed to film inside the hospital (which I assumed was actually just a taco stand on the side of the highway with a toy stethoscope), Mama used her 1997 flip-phone to document as much of this as she could. It was like a classic episode of 16 & Pregnant, but the only thing that was missing was the teenage girl vomiting over the side of the bed and crying. Ah those were simpler times. Seriously, Chickadee looks like an 11 year old trying to give birth. I mean, toughen up. Besides, you want to know what my sister was busy doing when she was only 17 years old? Getting her braces off. Keep your legs closed, youth!
Honey Boo Boo herself has decided she wants to have thousands and thousands of children and then starts to get tripped up whilst counting up to 30. I’m sure many of you were laughing, but I was cheering her on to get to 31. I mean, if she can count that high I feel like she has a 70/30 shot at being mentally stable enough to take her birth control every day. Like Oprah instructs, I dream big. Speaking of fat asses, “The Sugars” are all taking the time for their final weigh in. Bus driver move that bus because I can’t wait to see Mama back to her birth weight, hovering around 255. Pumpkin had a goal of gaining more weight and closing out the summer at 250 lbs. Sadly she only gained 6 lbs so she tipped the scales at 172. Petite. Now it’s Mama’s turn. You knew it wasn’t going to go well when she didn’t even remove her 1984 white Keds for the weigh-in. She did, however, lose 1.6 lbs so she thinks it’s a great start. I agree. 1.6 lbs today and maybe 2.4 lbs by the holidays. You don’t want to go too crazy before the holidays especially since seat belt extenders do really make great stocking stuffers for “the fats.”
Since everyone did so good missing their weight loss goals, Mama decides to reward everyone by taking them to a water park. “Rejoice!” yelled the parasites waiting in the water. Is there really a place any more disgusting than a water park? Smelling those soggy wooden stairs that are about to break whilst obese Americans drip on it probably is the worst thing I can actually get my mind around. It was always a fun game to play while waiting in line to try and figure out who is dripping and who is just letting their urine loose right then and there. You could always win bonus points for shouting, “Gross! Who just got their period?!” That usually cleared the line and you got move right up to the front. Anyway, enough about me. Everyone is having fun at the water park. I don’t want to turn serious about this, but I thought it was interesting when Alana had on her life vest and said, “This life jacket makes me look like a chunky lemon.” And then Mama responded by saying, “It does. It makes you look beautiful.” She didn’t equate the word “chunky” with anything but beautiful and made sure Alana knew she still looked good. I think this is why I like Mama. She may be a horrible role model but at the same time she can actually be a decent role model. Also, that last sentence didn’t make any sense, yet I’m ok with it and just moving on.
Everyone looks great at the water park. Also, I lie. Mama is wearing what I can only assume is a tarp that you cover firewood with in the forest. They kick things off by floating in the lazy (American) river. Watching them was like watching a diabetes stew simmer. Did you know it’s not true that a watched pot never boils? Just thought I would share that. After the kids try to get the tube off of Mama (think a champagne cork exploding) it’s time for Mama to head down a giant water slide. Of course it took two grown men to get her on the raft and then push her down the slide like they were fighting zombie attacks. And then it’s time for the moment we’ve all been waiting for. Let me type that again. It’s time for the moment we’ve all been waiting for? The question mark really makes the difference. It’s time for Mama to show her forklift foot. I can’t even find the words to describe the horror. I will never be able to do it justice. All I know is that when she took off her sock (which she wore on all the water slides) legit flies came out of it. She’s basically like the non-cartoon version of Pig-Pen. After racking my brain for minutes this is the best way I can think of describing her foot/toe. It looked like Danny DeVito with a black eye.
In the end, the whole gang heads out to the Rock Star Pageant so Alana can get some more practice in. Is it just me or is she the Muppet Baby version of Anna Nicole Smith? Whilst she was walking the stage I was waiting for her to say, “You like mybooooody? You want somemoney? You want a viiiiiiper? Trim Spa, baby!” After the “beauty” portion it was time for Alana to dress like Elvis and then act like Elvis at the end of this life. I’m not sure what the dance moves were, what I was watching, or if I was dreaming any of this but someone must have saw something in Honey Boo Boo because she won the “Queen” title. But then she lost something called the “Grand Supreme?” I thought that was the leader of the KKK, but apparently I was wrong. Or maybe it’s the same because they are in the south after all.
Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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Shannen's gap Said,
Personally, I think the whole forklift story is all fake. That toe looked like she has the Gout or a case of the ‘Beets (diabetes)….
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Courtnae Holzwarth Said,
I totally said to my hubby that Alana was like baby Anna Nicole …
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Toe gnat Said,
I hate water parks too, the smell of mildew in the hot sun. Ugh!
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Sexy Sugar Bear Said,
I totally almost lost my cookies after seeing Mama’s forklift foot. I’ll never be the same again.
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Spunkey Said,
I love all your recaps. I’m currently living overseas, so I have missed out on the joys of Honey Boo Boo. Lucky for me, you recap. You are a true American hero. I salute you. I have to go google image search for Mama’s gross foot now…
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Barbara Ann Evans III Said,
Somehow the foot was both not as bad and worse than I imagined. You understand.
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June's Sweat in July Said,
Maybe after having three children I am immune to gross things, but I didn’t think the forklift foot was all that bad. It just looked like a bruised toe to me. Was I not seeing it correctly?
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PuffyLeatherGentlemanGreeter Said,
Please tell me those bugs were added through the magic of editing. I can’t handle the thought of bugs crawling around her forklift foot IN her socks! The only thing that could be worse is if there were maggots all over it. *puke*
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Bad Forklift driver Said,
There were gnats. Gnats. Inside her sock. How does that even happen and does she just deal with it daily?
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the vest choking daniele Said,
I’m glad I’m not the only one who doesn’t like water parks. Gross! Speaking of gross… I was expecting the forklift foot to be more mangled and deformed but the gnats were a nice touch. I still cant get that image outta my mind. Do the bugs live in her sock? That cant be healthy
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The massive pimple blocking Mamas eye Said,
Her foot looked like it was gangrene and about to fall off. I find it hard to believe that she has NEVER shown her kids forklift foot but yet she just shows all of America!?!? I also pictured wayyyy worse but the bugs were very fitting!
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Gnats on forklift toe Said,
I am still sick from the bugs on her infected toe Im thinking she had an ingrown toenail and I know that thang has got to hurt she needs physical mental help #icant
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mama's third eye Said,
First of all that for looks too fresh for a previous for forklift injury, can we say “diabetes foot”? Did anyone else notice Alana’s shorts say “DEEVA” on the rear end? Side bar: I love mama for all that she tries to be.
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Mamarox Said,
I think we need to devote a section of interweb somewhere to all the mama-isms that come from this show. If I ever get stuck on a desert island, I want this show with me.
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T*ts on a stick Said,
Yes! I was totally thinking Honey Boo Boo looked like a mini Anna Nicole! (Trimspa baby!)
Was I the only one who was underwhelmed by the forklift foot? I mean sure, the bugs were incredibly gross and unexpected, but the toe itself just looked like she recently dropped something on it. I was expecting it to be all mangled and deformed or something. Maybe it’s because I work in a hospital and see “diabetes foot” on the regular, along with other mind bogglingly disgusting foot things I wish I could unsee, but June’s toe was a let down. Except for the bugs. That was a new one, even for me.
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BooBoo's Camel To Said,
I am so happy that you are recapping this show! I love watching the “fats”.
LMAO @ non-cartoon Pig Pen….I was wondering who she reminded me of and that was definitely it.
But I do think Mama gets the joke and is laughing knowing we are all laughing too….I give her credit for at least going to the water park and going outside and doing things unlike Gary and Amber who just sit around all the time.
I want to get a Tshirt with Mama on it….she might just be my new “Barb”
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the vest choking daniele Said,
@booboos camel toe: yes!!! Momma june t-shirts! I would rock it while I go auctioning for out dated bbq chips and when I’m sliding down a tarp covered in baby oil in my backyard/train station cause momma june is my idol lol
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Baby Goo Said,
You are straight up my fave blogger. There are no words to follow up on this post
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Spare Santa Suit Said,
I was very impressed by Mama’s infected looking “eye sore” the day of the baby’s near-early-release from Chickadee’s puffy leather “water slide”/gentleman-greeter.
The eye-sore beat out the forklift foot. I have an ugly foot and (I hate to brag), but I definitely could win ultimate grand going against Momma June in an ugly foot pageant–she could still be queen, though.
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Justlikehoneybooboo Said,
Why does Mama June wear socks throughout the water park? Hasn’t she heard of a little invention called water shoes? I’m sure she can buy a pair at the local auction along with a bag of stale chips and some half eaten Ho Ho’s.
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junewannab Said,
1. I too noticed the dirty white keds
2.I want to poke that carbunkle on her eye/nose with a safety pin. just to see if there is a honey boo boo the 2nd in there.
3. And I’m not sure if anyone else liked how mama uses the dish rag for 2 purposes, one to wipe hbb’s booger of the scale. and two to wash the dishes…i like how she grabbed that dish rag, quick thinking mama.
4.and gotta love how when they finally wrestled with that pesky float and got it off mama she says “thats embarassing”….as if!!!
5.I could be here all nite!!!!!!!!!! -
Abandoned Hotel Suitcase Said,
I noticed I’ve been lacking electricity lately. Maybe it’s the packaged foods.
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miaozi slimming capsule Said,
One thing I’d like to comment on is that weight loss program fast may be accomplished by the proper diet and exercise. Ones size not simply affects the look, but also the complete quality of life. Self-esteem, melancholy, health risks, plus physical capabilities are impacted in putting on weight. It is possible to make everything right whilst still having a gain. Should this happen, a problem may be the perpetrator. While an excessive amount food and not enough exercise are usually accountable, common health concerns and popular prescriptions may greatly help to increase size. Thanks a bunch for your post right here.
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mama's third eye Said,
I can’t find the carrot symbol on my phone to point upwards buto….to the person who posted before me (miaozi slimming capsule)…major ZZZZzzzzzzzz to everything you shared.
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Sue Said,
Trimspa hahahaha there are no words
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Youwannaviper Said,
On a side note, I noticed that Leann Rimes looks like April’s long lost sister.
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Bunnyfoofoo Said,
Lazy (American) river?! You’ve become poltical. In anycheddargarlicbiscuit, I love you for that.
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Hatchet Face Said,
I loved when the girls asked Mama why there were gnats and she just said “because”. I feel like this is something she deals with daily…..
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your left ovary Said,
ahhhhhhhhhh gnats and neck crust.
It’s what’s for dinner.
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Social Working Said,
So my first thought is that I don’t think Cait will be able to be objective enough to be a Social Working-er in the adoption world. She practically did a Z Snap when she said that she and Ty were the only couple still together.
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Social Working Said,
ahh wrong recap
