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Aug
29

Teen Mom Finale Recap: Blue Raspberry Slut Puppies

Posted by IBBB
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Well folks, here we are.  Like Farrah’s life when Debra grabs the butcher knives, all good things must come to an end.  So for one last time, let’s see what Amber, Farrah, Maci, and Catelynn were up to on last nights crapisode of “The One Time Unprotected Teenage Sex Actually Paid Off, Literally.”

Amber – Amber hasn’t had a lot of time to attend her out-patient therapy, what with all the sitting around and crying in the fetal position and all.  I’m sure she doesn’t even need therapy.  She seems very well adjusted and not at all like she’ll be soon serving actual jail time.  Therapy is for people who like to complain.  At least that’s my motto.  My therapist says it’s a nice motto.  Anylashes, since Amber isn’t in therapy, taking care of Leah, going to get that pesky (pole) GED or, you know, actually contributing to society it only makes sense that she’s been able to focus on her dating life.  And has she ever!  Enter Mike.  He may or may not be on “the drugs” as we speak.  I’m also not convinced that he’s not just Amber’s dealer and they’re both too high to realize that there are people following them with cameras and boom mics.  Apparently Mike has never had Italian food before so Amber is sure to take him to the finest Italian cuisine in Lanford’s most high profile strip mall.  I’m sure it’s directly next to the Lunch Box.  Obviously.  Whilst at the restaurant Amber is telling her new boyfriend (or boy toy as Gary likes to call him) all of her troubles, including such word gems as “court” and “giving up custody” and “battery; domestic.”  I’ll assume that kind of battery is better than international?  I don’t know.  I don’t hit people.  I do kick pigeons, however.  I’m kidding.  I feed them Pop Rocks and Coke and then I just watch.  Oh, and I love how every time Amber is at a restaurant on a date and she starts eating she’s like “Mmmmm this is SO good!”  Is it?  Is it really?  I mean there’s wood paneling behind you, I can see the parking lot in the background, and I’m almost certain it’s just Chicken Noodle Soup.  Pipe down.  No literally, put the pipe down.  Amber starts telling Mike about Leah and he says that even though he hasn’t met her yet he’s sure that Leah is just like Amber.  Yeah, a friggin maniac.  Seriously, is this guy just part of the camera crew?  Come on MTV, the show is over…you can tell us now.

Meanwhile, since Amber is now dating Mike, Gary and his flesh-color-slim-fit-hyper-color-t-shirt is just going to throw Leah her own birthday party.  Gary’s MILF is literally choking from her own fitted sweat-shirt with what I can only assume is a family of geese on it.  So hot.  As Leah is blowing out her candles I notice how much combined obesity is sitting around that table.  Dear Lord.  If anyone exhales Leah is going to lose an eye to a flying Levi’s 501 Blues button.  Amber can’t seem to understand why Gary is having a party without her, especially because she’s now dating someone else.  Yeah I can’t piece that puzzle together either.  After Gary hangs up on Amber and tells her he’ll never answer her calls again he ends up, well, answering her call the next day.  But this is when it turns into “On a very special episode of Teen Mom“  because the sad music is playing and Amber is sitting along, curled up, and crying while they just, you know, film her and junk.  She calls Gary and asks to have Leah for the day and when Gary denies her request it turns into an episode of Bad Girls Club.  Obviously, Gary is the chick with the big rack.  Duh.  Gary sends his love to Amber by calling her a whore and then really spices things up by calling her a “slut puppy” for having a new boyfriend.  I used to like those blue raspberry slut puppies.  But, like a traditional slut puppy, they really tend to lose their flavor after just a few minutes.  I mean, these two are screaming at each other.  Amber is shaking and screaming claiming that the court will never give custody of Leah to Gary.  Uh, if they have eyes and know how to Google things they’ll definitely give custody to Gar Bear.  At one point, Amber starts to hyperventilate and slowly falls over like it’s nappy-poo time.  Awww so cute.  Crying sleeping Amby-Pants.  Awww too much Ambien for Ambien.

I have to admit, some of this crap got sad.  When Amber and Gary were walking paw in paw into court so that Amber would sign over custody of her daughter I thought, well that blows.  It’s like can’t she just stop beating the bag out of people and then CPS will go away on their own?  It’s not like they like watching Amber or anything.  That’s out job, as Americans.  In the end, Amber heads home and Destiny’s Child arrives to comfort Amber, but it was Destiny’s Child who was in need of comforting.  Her eyes were filling up and on two different occasions she legit looked like she was going to hurl.  I’m not sure why she’s so sad.  I mean, it’s 11:30 and da club is jumpin’ jumpin’.  In the final scenes Amber throws a little party for Leah, in which just the two of them make cupcakes and then eat them.  I tell ya, you put anything to slow music and it really sucks the life right on out of you.

My Amber Prediction – She’ll shank some b*tch in prison and spend the rest of her life there.  Gary, of course, will still be a bastard.

Farrah – I’m not sure why this entire episode needed to be 1.5 hours, as nothing really happened.  However, since Farrah basically had a late-in-life abortion she’s able to do all sorts of fun things to boost up her resume like taking a bartending class.  Don’t worry, it’s not a waste of time or footage since we get to see Farrah learn how to ask if someone wants an olive or lemon twist in their martini.  She’s now officially qualified to work the afternoon shift at the Olive Garden. Ole!    Also, since Farrah doesn’t have any friends and is sans life (like me) she drags her neighbor to her apartment so they can sit on the couch and Farrah can tell her that Sophia used to really cheer her up when she was sad about Derrick and so, therefore, she misses her.  I mean, I always thought Baby Goop was a child but evidently Farrah thinks of her more like a  My Little Pony doll for her own entertainment.  Eh, let’s face it she is.  It’s one of the last times we’ll get to watch Farrah sitting on puffy leather and giving us her best “ugly cry” that MTV’s money can buy!  Personally I liked the way she seemed to try to pull her hat directly over her head and somehow around her neck.  Had her neighbor had a mallet it could have turned into Whack-a-Mole.  Speaking of which, in 3 years I don’t think I ever referenced Farrah’s mole.  Well what do you know?!  Didn’t we almost have it all…

Later Farrah checks in with Baby Goop and Debra and we learn that Goop is all hopped up on candy eggs.  Farrah seems less than pleased with this knowledge, which is weird since she’s always such a ray of sunshine.  Meanwhile, she has her classmate come over so they can work on their homework together, which consists of making a fortune cookie canoli.  Don’t worry, it came out as horrific as it sounds.  It literally cracked up the middle, exploded on the sides, and canoli was everywhere.  To sum up, it looked like Farrah’s “gentlemen greeter” post the birthing process.  They end up having to take a picture of it so they can send it to their teacher.  Is this for real?  I would have just found a picture of one online and sent that.  I would have also sent a little strip of paper that said “Your Lucky Numbers are: 5, 14, 27, 25,29.”  I would have also told the teacher that Ni Hao Kai Lan gave me the recipe.  Any other stereotypes I missed?  Think I got ‘em all.  Anyjunk, the recipe must have been a success because Farrah got all A’s in all of her classes.  Apparently she really does appreciate art as much as she should.  I wouldn’t be surprised if Farrah gave up her fortune cookie to some of her other teacher as well…if ya know what I mean.  I’m talking about having sex with them for grades.  Cool.  And I loved when Farrah called Debra to let her know her grades and then got all pissed off when Debra couldn’t hear what she said.  She rolls her eyes and is like, “I got all A’s mom….God!”  She also is a Grade-A b*tch, but that goes without saying.

Farrah makes it back to Florida to scoop up Goop and spend a little eye-roll time with Debra and the rest of the crew…sans Michael, whom I can only assume is chained up naked in the basement and down 50 pounds.  At the airport Farrah did seem happy to see Sophia, but turned into a modern day Pinnochio by telling her sister that she was so overcome with happiness that she started crying.  Uh, really?  Every time you lie your boobs grow, Farrah.  She should write a song about that.  While having dinner with her sister and her sister’s underbite we learn that some schmuck proposed to her.  We’re left to believe she wasn’t going to marry him.  That would have been a good lead-in question but, per usual, Farrah made it all about herself and said that if any guy proposed to her she’d just say yes no matter what and work on their problems later.  That seems like a healthy thought process.  Of course she starts to ugly cry (for the last time) when she talks about Derrick proposing to her and then her giving him the ring back.  I’m sorry, but had this guy been alive there is no way they would have been together.  Also, had he been alive he surely would have just ended up killing himself anyway.  I mean, it’s a miracle I made it through 3 seasons of this without kicking the chair out from underneath me.  Anyway, as Farrah cries Sophia chimes in that she’s a big cry baby and then at one point she tells her she’s a bad person.  Seriously, Sophia is not only officially the smartest person on this show, but quite possibly in all of Nebraska (where they give out Executive MBA’s with the purchase of a large iced coffee and dozen donuts).

In the end, Farrah ends up taking Sophia back to Florida with her and tells Debra she won’t be coming back that often now that she’s enrolled Sophia into art class.  That was sweet.  I’m sure with Farrah’s booming music career this isn’t the last we’ll be seeing of her.

My Farrah Prediction – Sex tape with Michael.

Catelynn – Since there are Halloween decorations in the background it only makes sense that Cate and Tyler start shopping for school supplies for when they start college in 3 more months.  Trust me, Teresa and Brandon aren’t watching and I’m sure they couldn’t give two Shasta McNasty’s if you two go to Double-Wide University or not.  Anyway, April and her forehead stop on by to see if Cate and Ty will watch Nick for her for the weekend so she can have some “alone time.”  Is that code for “meth binge” or “carving a vibrator in the shape of Butch’s mullet?”  One may never know.  What we do know, however, is that April is still on the poor-white-trash-chain-link-fence about divorcing Butch or not.  She knows she should, but she still loves the bastard.  For the 10th time they all discuss Butch’s admitted love for cocaine over his own son or wife.  Yawn.  I mean, this is the same conversation we’ve all had with our parents at some point, right?  Had Butch been released into the wild he would have kidnapped iCarly and turned her into a Mexican drug mule at this point.  Ole!

Now here’s something none of us knew anything about.  Evidently Tyler has these huge anger issues?  Uh ok.  Tyler is yelling and screaming when a can falls over and then later when Nick’s dog take a sh*t on the floor he starts legit screaming and kicks the dog out of the house trailer.  He was like that chick from the Stanley Steamer commercial when she screams “Toby!” like someone is brutally murdering her.   I actually squealed with delight when Ty was yelling, “I said git!  Git!  Git! I said git!” to the dog.  This causes poor Nick to start crying.  That poor bastard has been crying for 3/4s of his life.  And you totally know he saw Butch ride April’s head into the bathroom wall like she was the god-damn Polar Express for cripes-sake.  Why is Ty Ty so angry?  I was sure there would be a z-snap in there somewhere, but sadly there wasn’t.  He decides that he needs therapy.  I hope it’s filmed.  Oh.  It is.

Once again, I have to admit that this therapy session actually got kind of sad.  Through the miracle of his therapist, Tyler learns that his anger comes from fear and his fear resides because he thinks Butch is going to choose death over life and he’ll die without ever loving Tyler.  Aww that does kinda suck (like Kim at “ladies night” on a Friday night…wink wink).  Tyler was crying and the therapist looked bored.  The whole situation really blew.  I don’t know what I would do if I learned that Butch didn’t love me.  I just assumed he did.  And I could care less if he loved coke more than me.  Hell, I love Barb Evans more than him so, well, we’re even.  There, I said it!

In the end, Ty decides to write Butch a “goodbye” letter and he and Cate read it on the top of some mountain at sunset.  Uh, ok.  I’m pretty sure this is the same mountain that the Von Trapps used to escape those meddling Nazi’s many year ago.  Fine it’s not, but I like to pretend it was.  It make it all the more fun.  And if I thought for one second that Butch had the ability to read, I’m sure he would have found Ty’s letter very touching and sobering.  I mean, not sobering in the whole “I’ll quit booze and drugs” kind of sobering…but the other definition.  I don’t know all the definitions.

My Catelynn Prediction – She’ll end up chasing waterfalls well into her 30’s.

Maci – Goodbye forever.

Well that’s that.  It was fun whilst it lasted and was more torture than you’ll ever know. I kid.  It was worse. Join me on my Facebook page so we can remain friends until April and Butch get their own spinoff!

Episode Rating: 4 “Dead to Us” Butch’s

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130 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

  1. ang Said,

    ahhhh the club is jumping comment was friggin great and all your roseanne comments are spot on..youre hilarious. gonna miss these posts

  2. Marsha Ruby Said,

    I love it! SUCH A humble goodbye…Im going to go find a puffy leather couch and cry…wait I reside in Piittsburgh PA so I am what? Like maybe 1.5 hours from Leah. Maybe Ill go hang out with her and her husband of the week!! YES! See everything always turns out in the end! I just need to stop and get some Suave moose to scrunch my hair! ole’

  3. butch goes to law school Said,

    an ex camera man has been talking and before mtv kidnapped him and made him stop talking,he said a few things,like farrah is a bitch.yeah,i know right?i was shocked too.he also said leah had bloody tampons laying around.that shocked me,too.her house always seemed so clean..btw,thanks for making me anxiously wait for this recap like our teen moms waited in vain for their periods 4 years ago..

  4. yawny Said,

    FUNKY BUTTLOVIN!

    Gary is so freaking fat.

  5. Kelli Said,

    Was it just me, or did Amber’s fake eyelashes make her look like Janice the Muppet?

  6. sad to see this end Said,

    I’m so sad for this to be ending. You don’t know what kind of squeals you got out of myself and my friend knowing that your updates would be up Wednesday morning. I’m hoping you’ll recap the upcoming Teen Moms for us! I feel like I’m going through a shitty break up that I can’t escape!

    Btw, your analogies… spot. freaking. on. Brilliant sir! Absolutely brilliant!!!!

  7. Social Working Said,

    First, bravo on one helluva blogging season! I will miss these trash bags and your analysis. Of course I’m looking forward to the Train Wreck Evans but I enjoy TM1 better.

    Can we spend some more time on how a 21. year. old. man. from. themidwest. has. never. had. ITALIAN FOOD? !!!

    Your destiny’s child lines always KILL me.

    Suffering through all of Farrah’s scenes were worth it to hear her 2 year old daughter call her a bad person in the finale. Great job mtv!

  8. sad to see this end Said,

    Amber is a whore. And how in the hell can she think those “things” on her eyes look good?

    Also, did anyone happen to notice the “fight” between Gary and Farrah McUglyCryFace on Twitter? She has no room to talk… she’s a fucking wreck and she should of joined her “beloved” in his car accident so goopenstein wouldn’t have to deal with her either.

  9. butch goes to law school Said,

    in reference to farrahs mole,instead of a boob job,she should have gotten that thing removed.its really distracting.p.s.im still thinking about how her butt looked in those sweatpanks a week ago.i think tyler needs to give me the name of his therapist..isnt it weird that everyone but maci goes to therapy?

  10. Final Thoughts (with Jerry Springer) Said,

    Ambers bf sounds like a guy with a voicebox in the anti-cig ads

    Farrah welcome to FL where it rains everyday, & that cakey spray tan will wash right off.
    If u just happen to spring on someone that u may have good grades then have to “try” to pull them up on a computer. U cheated. Ps. In the words of your 2 year old “you’re a bad person”
    Why was Maci shaking & breathing so weird as she kept repeating she wasn’t nervous & didn’t have anything to be worried about

  11. CPS workers Unite! Said,

    How sad. I will miss these updates terribly!

    Farrah just need to off herself already. Maybe her and Ambien can go play “Lets keep the car running in the garage all day” and see what happens from there.

  12. Kay Said,

    Well now I am going to find a puffy leather couch and “dawn” my best flesh colored shirt with a gaggle of geese and I am going to ugly cry and be thankful I have never been to “gel” or had to give custody to a ham beast or the mean Jesus people who will not let great great grandma see her on the regular just because of those pesky adoption papers. I will go get the best orange tan possible and 69 tramp stamps in memoriam. Chins up though, there is always Teen Mom 2.

  13. Slut Puppy Said,

    I just really wanted to use the name slut puppy before anyone else. I hate farah. That’s all.

  14. Rehab Swing Said,

    Was it just me or was this a terrrrrible last episode? (worse than usual) I mean I’m sure they can’t just come out and say Amby pants is goin to gel, and I’m sure they ’stopped filming’ before it all happened but still. And not that I especially care, but the Maci story fell flat too. So… she just sits there and stares at Bint’s Birth Certificate? WTF.

    Of course I google and twitter stalk these bitches on the regular, so I’m no dummy and I know how it all turns out… but still.

    OH well at least we have the weeble-haired Dr. to look forward to.

  15. Mandy Said,

    Did Maci ever even make a cameo in this episode?

    Did anyone notice when milf Carol came to get Leah and Gar bear told her about Amber’s new boytoy he looked like he wanted to hug her but instead just awkwardly poked her in the arm twice?

  16. Abandoned Hotel Suitcase Said,

    My bf’s response (first I’ve ever heard with in regards to this show): “BUTCH is the problem?’ BUTCH?! It’s not the brother-f***ing?!”

  17. Kyyyy's Shart Said,

    Gare Bear and Amby-Pants are INSANE! Gary just picks at Amber on purpose. What was the purpose of sending her those pic. texts of Leah’s b-day and saying “Not that you even care…” UGH!

    & I know you don’t like Maci but I SWEAR when Ryyyne and Dalis were on the swing, Dalis went to kiss him and Bint-Lee, in the background said “Get some!!!!” hahaha I swear!

  18. anylashes Said,

    well worth the wait.

  19. Junes Neckcrust Said,

    When Amber had her mini seizure / night night time I almost passed out and when Gar Bear threw the party he just had to rub it in amber face that was funny she is a sorry excuse for a mom she could’ve spent time with Leah but she chose Mikes wenis! As far as Maci I was Hoping you would write something but you didnt so I will she shouldn’t give Ryan the birth certificate I had to pay $11.00 for my kids so should he! Ha! Farrah is going to bed up munching carpets she should get her a nice stud lesbian because honestly that’s the only person who would take her shit and last I can’t wait for the Farrah and Michael sex tape ohhhh yeah!

  20. Sophia's Amniotic Fluid Said,

    I was simply shocked in a delighted sort of way when Baby Goop spewed out the insults on Farrah. It’s a first in my life to hear a two-year old put together a sentence like that–kind of eerie and foretells that Farrah will reap what she’s sown–as she should.

    Now I must confess that although I was disappointed with this finale in a number of ways, I kind of appreciated the sappy little montage at the end . . . . IT. MADE. ME. CRY!!! ACTUALLY WEEP!! FOR SEVERAL MINUTES– IN FACT, IT WAS THE UGLY CRY FOR A FEW SECONDS!!

    I dedicate my emotional breakdown to the end of the Teen Mom recaps.

  21. Abandoned Hotel Suitcase Said,

    Aww, my “with” was unnecessary. I’ll watch “Honey Boo Boo” and wait for an extra thumb to ease the pain.

  22. the vest choking daniele Said,

    Did anyone else shed a few tears on their puffy couch last night? I totally did. I ain’t afraid to admit it. Btw I loved the future predictions. Spot on with farrah. There WILL be a sex tape from her I give it 2yrs tops. And I hope catelyne( spelled wrong) chases waterfalls till the end of her days. And amber realizes that she can find a nice “buddy” In gel who treats her way better than gary. Btw I think calling someone a whore and slutt puppy is foreplay in gel. Oh well cant wait for teen mom 2!!

  23. "the Gary" of homes Said,

    How has it taken this long to nickname Amber “Ambien”? Perfect!

    Really Mike, youve never had Italian food? I cracked up when his face dropped as Ambien explained her list of domestic battery charges!!

  24. TMM Said,

    Did anyone else notice that when Amber seized/passed out after the fight with Gary it looked like she fell right on a sex toy?!?!

  25. Hold it IBBB! Said,

    What’s with the speedy send off? Why are you trying to peace out on these recaps when there are not one, not two, but THREE more episodes coming our way?! That’s two reunion episodes plus one unseen footage. Come on, with that line up you could even find something to say about the void that is Maci. Well let’s face it, you probably could have found something to say these last few weeks but maybe, just maybe, you already had one foot out the door … and now you’re in full on “feets don’t fail me now” mode. :)

    Have you made new plans for Tuesday evenings/Wednesday mornings? Studying for your GED or something? You can’t just shut us down cold turkey … we might end up in GEL when we start going through withdrawal and get all angry and push people down stairs. Just wean us slowly off the IBBB Teen Mom recap teat, ok? Yeah, I said it, IBBB Teen Mom recap teat. It is what it is. You can peace out, but you gotta take it slow … like Amber studying for her GED, or blinking, or thinking, or zzzzzzzzzzzz.

  26. the vest choking daniele Said,

    @tmm fell on a sex toy!!! I’m dying right now!! It was like all of the sudden to then she collapsed on the bed from pure pleasure ;)

  27. brandon and teresa's restraining order Said,

    Did anyone notice the shirt Farrah had on Stitch?It said I’ve got 2 mommies.Maybe her and Amber are now doing “the scissors”.Gary’s friend Evan was pretty cute.Perhaps a threesome with him and Rhine will be in my future.Also why was Ryan’s dad dressed like Freddy Krueger when they were having the backyard bonfire?

  28. this bitch-ass no contact order Said,

    When Cate and Ty were sitting on that hill discussing how “adoption is weird” (?) Ty said Carly could ‘totally be here right now’. I immediately flashed back in my mind to about 30 mins ago in the episode when Ty smashed that poor dog’s face into the steaming pile of its own sh!t. Trailer Park Toilet Training, anyone? Who knows, it may work better than Demonic Debra’s technique of exclaiming ‘You’re a big girl! And BIG GIRLS DO NOT POOP IN THEIR DIAPERS!!!’ Yeah these kids are all going to be royally screwed up.
    *On a side note, I (shamefully) read Farrah’s book, and Patrick you would LOVE the centerfold of family photos. Five words for you. Michael. Beard. Debra. In. FUR.

  29. the frosting on Leah's face Said,

    Lmao @hold it IBBB! Totally agreed!

    @Mandy I noticed that too about the awkward arm poke from Gary to MILF

    I wondered if after ambers breakdown was right before she tried dirt napping herself!? When Gary was talking about that fight with his friend he went on to say that “if something happened to her it would kill him”

    Macis just pissed that Ryan never changed when he was with her and now he’s a better dad being with someone else. That’s the fam life she wanted.

  30. this bitch-ass no contact order Said,

    Farrah used bottled lime juice on her “Culinary School” project, not to mention that jacked up broken cannoli, and still got an A+??? I call BS on this “Culinary School”.

  31. junewannabe Said,

    awwwwwwwwwww, I think I’m gonna penpal Amber!!!

  32. this bitch-ass no contact order Said,

    In the photo above of Leah’s Birthday Bash, wth is on Gary’s feet? Looks like those “peds” things they make u put on at the shoe store if u come in without socks want to try on shoes…

  33. Scopped Liver Said,

    I, too, did the ugly cry when they showed old footage of the babies. On a side note, I don’t think Riiine has tourettes… I think he has a cocaine problem. LOVED when Dialysis…Dalis or whatever was like “but we want to live together!” when Riiine was talking about how Maci and Kye aren’t allowed to live together. And then his dad was like “well why would you want to do that?”

    I will miss these trash bags.

  34. tyler's "therapy" acting reel Said,

    So many thoughts, but one quick one first:

    The restaurant that Ammmmbuuuuhhh and BoyToy ate at, Matteo’s, is a seriously delicious place. It is located in a town called Noblesville in Indiana, and it is some of the best Italian food you will ever eat. It looked like she had the soup of the day, or it may have just been the generous lashings of cream sauce they give their dishes that have it. Their tortellini is exquisite, and I suspect she may have been eating that…?

  35. Amber's Acne Said,

    I posted this in the comment section of last weeks post because this wasn’t up yet, but it bares repeating.

    I’ve NEVER laughed harder in my life than when Amber did her dramatic puffing for air, as if she were actually passing out (maybe passing gas) and falling to the bed with better acting precision than Jennifer Lawrence. Brava Amber!

  36. Amber's Acne Said,

    Also, I feel like Tyler’s “temper tantrums” were TOTALLY staged. He sounded like Christian Bale with his Batman voice. It was really creepy and sounded fake as hell.

    I hate all of them except for Tyler and Catelynn, but I’m gonna miss these fools. Hoping they do a spin-off of these two so we can keep up-to-date with Butch and April. Here’s hoping!

  37. :) Said,

    The kid in the picture of Gary sitting on his fat ass at Leah’s party looks a lot like Catelynn’s brother, River. WEIRD!

  38. butch goes to law school Said,

    gary is just going to explode,he gets bigger and bigger.

  39. Amber's Welcome Home Sign Said,

    Farrah – NOTHING made my night more than when Sophia told her that she was a bad person. That cracked the hell out of me. Even the 2-year old knows whats up!

    Husky Kitty – I was seriously disgusted with Cate and Ty’s behavior. Regardless of whether or not you think it’s right or wrong to physically punish a dog, that was borderline animal abuse. that dog is clearly a puppy who is probably not housebroken yet. Suffocating him in his shit and screaming while you throw him outside is unacceptable behavior. I hate Catelynn because not only did she not comfort Nick more while he was clearly scared and crying (cmon that kid has had a hard life already) but she acted like Ty’s outbursts were perfectly normal.

    Amber – Anyone notice that we got another glimpse of the infamous “plain ole Amber” phone entry. I almost died. I’m going to miss these trash heaps.

    Maci – Go have another 21st birthday party.

  40. butch goes to law school Said,

    i think macis had like 5 birthday parties.i didnt even get one.and i didnt get knocked up at 16..gary is a good dad but he does use leah against amber.their personal relationship,or lack of,should have nothing to do with amber seeing leah

  41. social working degree Said,

    ugh. what a boring final episode.

    the Tyler-has-anger-issues storyline was so.f’ing.weird. like what?! where the hell did that come from? the kid is usually really easygoing and level-headed and now all of a sudden he’s flipping his sh*t over his dog taking a sh*t? btw Ty I think your dog may be ill. that wasn’t a healthy looking stool. was he acting during all of that?

    oh and did anyone catch in the conversation between Catelynn and Tyler on the hill that she was afraid she’d lose Tyler if she kept iCarly? they talked about how at one point Catelynn was sure she was going to keep her but then she mentioned how she knew Tyler would be gone if she did. sounds like he learned a lot from Butch. the way she said it though sounded like she gave up Carly so she could keep Tyler..it was weird.

    the Maci stuff was soo boring. I honestly think it was all made up. Rhine said on twitter that he never pursued any of that.

    Farrah..not much to say here. glad she pulled her hat over her face while she cried. really enjoyed the Sophia slams.

    slutpuppy is my new favorite word. it was nice to see that Gary still has Amber programmed into his phone as “Plain Old Amber” I think ol’ Gar Bear has quite the underrated sense of humor. I’ve noticed that I laugh a lot at some of the things he says. more gary/less Farrah would have probably made this show a little better over the years.

    I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again..poor Leah. I truly feel bad for that little girl.

    so long Teen Mom girls. bring on Babs.

  42. tyler's "therapy" acting reel Said,

    Is it just me, or did Gary put on about 20 lbs. or so, just in time for the series finale? What a fat f**k. What a manipulative fat f**k. Nice, using your daughter against her mentally ill, drug addict of a mother. Thanks so much, Beldman Lineman or whatever in the hell that shirt you always wear says, for making me compassion for Amber.

    Leah is a dollbaby. What an angelic little girl. I will admit that I was crying the entire time she and Ambuh had their little birthday party, just the two of them. That’s all that little girl wants, after all. She said it plain as day: I need you. Leah was so happy and content to make cupcakes with her mom. Leah is the child I will never stop worrying about.

    Tyler, just come out of that closet you’re in already and be happy with the choice to do so. Be happy with the choices you have made, good or bad, because nobody made them but you. Choosing to terrorize little Nick and physically abuse helpless animals is NOT the way to go, buddy. Doing so just makes you look even more like a sissy prissy bitch.

    Catelynn: he prefers the penis. Get up, get out, and get something going for yourself, girl. If you’re strong enough to give your child up for adoption, you are strong enough to leave a closet case who obviously doesn’t even really love you. Harsh? Yes. True? Also yes.

    Maci, do you use crystal meth? Scrawny skinny and terrible skin. I used to think she needed Proactiv. Now I wonder if she needs a stint in rehab.

  43. Gnats on forklift toe Said,

    Cant wait for the newest blog

  44. Amber's Pill Bottles Said,

    @ Therapy – yes, we all know Noblesville, IN, it’s where Gar Bear moved last fall and where Amber was going to move too, had she not been sidetracked by the pesky “gel for pill-popping” scandal! The food did look damn good, I’ll give her that…

    Otherwise, poor Noblesville having to put up with Gary…and his oversized ego.

  45. Tyler hates cans that fall Said,

    You had me at “Uh ok”. This entire paragraph makes me laugh out loud every time I read it. I must be slap happy because everytime I get to “yelling and screaming when a can falls over” I actually do a full on wheezing semi-silent (because it’s midnight here) laugh that sounds like the cartoon dog Precious Pupp. (yes, I’m that old)

    Best IBBB TM lines ever:

    Now here’s something none of us knew anything about. Evidently Tyler has these huge anger issues? Uh ok. Tyler is yelling and screaming when a can falls over and then later when Nick’s dog take a sh*t on the floor he starts legit screaming and kicks the dog out of the house trailer. He was like that chick from the Stanley Steamer commercial when she screams “Toby!” like someone is brutally murdering her. I actually squealed with delight when Ty was yelling, “I said git! Git! Git! I said git!” to the dog. This causes poor Nick to start crying. That poor bastard has been crying for 3/4s of his life. And you totally know he saw Butch ride April’s head into the bathroom wall like she was the god-damn Polar Express for cripes-sake. Why is Ty Ty so angry? I was sure there would be a z-snap in there somewhere, but sadly there wasn’t. He decides that he needs therapy. I hope it’s filmed. Oh. It is.

    PS – Recap is funny, but seriously, Tyler’s behavior with the dog was ugly and absolutely abusive. No one is perfect but that was inexcusable, literally taking out his anger on a defenseless being. A five letter word comes to mind, sounds like wussy, which coincidentally is also a five-letter word and also applies to Tyler’s temper tantrum. Run iCarly rrrruuuunnnn!

  46. Joe's Rap Career Said,

    I also died when I saw “Plain Old Amber” on Gary’s phone! I am going to miss this group =/

    Quick story…Gary was in Hershey, PA recently for a concert festival that my best friend was also attending, and when she (and a bunch of other girls) asked for his picture, he was so rude and huffy about it. However, it is now her facebook profile picture forever and ever.

    See you all in Teen Mom 2! Thanks for all the many laughs, IBBB

  47. Amber's Pill Bottles Said,

    @Joe’s Rap Career – Hope Gary enjoys the “inconvenience” of dealing with all his fans while it lasts. If the bs he pulled last night wasn’t enough to turn people off, the minute this series is kaput (post reunion show) his fame will be a thing of the past…just like the side seams on all his t-shirts.

  48. tyler loves my -kuhl Said,

    @kyyyys shart: not only did I hear “get some!” but when I burst out laughing and my hubby was like “what?!?” I rewound it and he heard it too. That will be my personal catch phrase all the live long holiday weekend! Thanks, Bint-lee!

  49. Ambers Closed Eyes Said,

    Ok, when I scrolled down past that photo of Gary, I thought it was some fat person dressed as a baby wearing a diaper and no top. Had to go back and look lol.

    I’m gonna miss these recaps..they’re the highlight of my week..yea I have no life.

  50. Nick's dog's poo Said,

    Farrah- me thinks some little lady has been hearing stuff about mommy. Calling her names including bad person is not something a two year old says. I love how Farrah says her parents should leave her alone. Um… Did they not just keep your demonic toddler for a fricking month?! You leave them alone! I also love how the most important thing about Sophia’s new art class is someone reminding her to pee every hour. Geez next thing you know she’ll be demanding to be ridden around the zoo in a golf cart. Oh wait…

  51. Nick's dog's poo Said,

    Amber- horrific acting job on the couch. My husband and I both started laughing but then again we’re bad people like Farrah. Gary totally provokes her though. He goes from tormenting her in one episode to wondering why they’re not together in the next. Does he not have a mirror?

    Tyler- also bad acting job. My guess is MTV wanted to spice up the finale. Suddenly showing this side of Tyler after 3 years is like suddenly showing Farrah as kind. I’m not buying.

    Maci- her forehead was shining like the top of the Chrysler building when talking to her advisor. Also, Ryan is still hot but was anyone else nervous that Bentley was so close to the fire?

    Well, the one thing I got out of this series is that we now send each other off to work with “luv ewe Benny!” so it wasn’t a wasted 3 years. Bring on TM2! Well, except for Eeyore.

  52. Sophia was right. Farrah is a bad person. Said,

    Leah’s already looking a little diabeticish in that picture you posted.

    Looks like we can count on Dr. Drew to ask the hard hitting questions again when the highlight of Farrah’s preview is of her getting to insult Daniel on air. For once can he please ask her why she’s such a bitch?

  53. Catelynn's Chewed off Fingernail Polish Said,

    I can’t decide which of the TM spawn I feel the most sorry for: Sophia or Leah or Bentley or … no wait, all of them. Can’t wait to feel sorry for Jace, Isaac, Goggles/Not Goggles, and the rest.

  54. slappie jones Said,

    Sadly the pic of little Leah with white goo on her face is probably foreshadowing with her hot mess parents. Just replace the candle with a stripper pole. Too soon?!? That poor kid has NO shot for a good life whatsoever. At least its documented for her future therapy sessions. She won’t have to utter a word just pop in the dvds at rehab. And I totes agree that no way demon baby would know to say “you’re a bad person “. I’m thinking grandma deb would whisper it in her ear whilst putting her to sleep. “Grandma is the only one who wuvvvvvvs you….and mama is a baaaaaad person…yes she is!!!!!”

  55. U weren't invited to leahs birthday party bitch Said,

    Seriously Gary…GET OVER IT..you are so pathetic and a total asshole, using Leah as a pawn, because Amber don’t want your fat ass. Here is a tip..NO ONE DOES YOU ARE GROSS.

    Farrah..your daughter got you pegged already at age 2, she is probably counting the days she can legally emancipate you from her life for good.

    MACI- it takes two to make a child, get off your high horse and get over it. yeah Ryan may have screwed you over, by not wanting to be a dad at 16..who does? Quit thinking you have more rights. Its clear he loves his son, even if he gets more help and doesn’t have to do much. Yeah I have an Ex who has a built in nanny ( GF) who only sees my son EOW. be glad you have an active father, even if he is half asleep most of the time.

    Ty- I feel bad you ended up with a crap ass dad, seriously, now quit kicking puppies.

  56. I will miss Debs trash claw the most Said,

    @U weren’t invited to leahs birthday party bitch

    That comment about Ty had me cracking up!

  57. Let's Face it-Tyler is gay Said,

    Well well well, this is how it all ends. And it was so boring.

    Ty Ty and Husky Kitty-yeah this whole Tyler needs anger management thing came in late in the game and isn’t too believable. I see him wanting some drama for his acting career and setting this up. April def went on a meth binge and Cate should just adopt her brother.

    Maci-used to be pretty and got so ugly. Why? She was cute before her nasty ear holes and ugly fried hair and bad skin. I guess she wanted to make herself uglier to match her hideous boyfriend. I’m still convinced that she is keeping Slow Kyle around to try to make Rhiiine jealous. Dalis is much cooler and Maci needs to move on.

    Ambikijstan: I am ready to go to Lanford and adopt Leah, put her on a healthy diet and close the adoption. I aint no Brandonteresa. Seriously this kid breaks my heart. Gar bear is a shitty father for keeping her from seeing her mom just b/c he’s pissed she’s being a whore. She is, but it’s just hurting Leah. At least give custody to his MILF. Either way if she stays in that family she is doomed for a life of being as fat as Gary and fucked up as Amber. I agree with your prediction that Amber is going to end up a lifer in Gel.

    Farrah-HATE HER!! I am so sick of her crying over Derrick. She acts like everything would be perfect and they’d be a happy family if he hadn’t died. There is no way in hell they wouldn’t be locked in drama and child support disputes if he was still alive. It’s probably better for Sophia he’s gone for good b/c you know she’d be witness to all that. It’s bad enough what she’s seen with Trash Claw. Farrah is such an ungrateful bitch. “I need to get back to Florida and we wont visit much and I need to be away from my parents in my business”. Didn’t you just dump your kid off on them for a whole MONTH? I’m glad this bitch is gone. Oh, and the mole has driven me crazy for 3 seasons. She got all that work done and didn’t get that thing removed??

    Well folks I will miss this blog and comments and everyones Names on here. I will be back for TM2 for sure. Babs and her little bitch of a daughta (that’s you) never disappoint.

  58. slappie jones Said,

    Anyone think nick was crying hysterically because he left his own steaming pile of poo somewhere is Casa de White trash unaware of the looming consequences?!?

  59. slappie jones Said,

    ***somewhere IN Casa de White trash…..oops.

  60. Daniel's infertile stepmom Said,

    What is it with this show and foreheads? Maci’s was shining like the top of the Chrysler building (Annie reference anyone?) while talking to her advisor. Ryan looks hot even in a Thomas the train conductor hat. How about Dalis outing them wanting to live together? Was anyone else yelling at their TV for Bentley to get further away from that fire?

    I take it MTV wanted to add some drama to the finale. Tyler’s rage scene was a little over the top and out of the blue. As was Amber’s meltdown. My husband and I started laughing when she leaned over but like Farrah, we are bad people.

  61. Conspiracy Man Said,

    As a man, I can appreciate the pesky pole reference. Very touching.

  62. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Tyler Said,

    1. Tyler, WTF? You should not own a puppy.

    2. I know Amber is vile, but Gary clearly loves to push her buttons…passive-aggressive jerk.

  63. Daniel's infertile stepmom Said,

    Oh and I need me some Babs, Randilicious and Goggles. Looking forward to TM2, except for Eeyore. She bores the crap out of me.

  64. I want to butter Gary's rolls Said,

    I love how Gary went all out decorating for Leah’s party and there were about 5 people there. I am pretty sure he just did that so he could send the picture to Amber.
    Could Gary get any fatter? I was watching this last night thinking about chowing down on some sweets and between Gary and June, I was able to just say no. I am thinking if things don’t work out for Sugar Bear and June, that Gary and June should hook up. Granted, there is probably not a bed strong enough to support the both of them at the same time, but they can find a way.
    When Sophia told Farrah she was a bad person, I laughed until I ugly cried.
    I thought that Tyler’s anger issues were scripted. It was really stupid. Cate and Ty seem like sweet kids, but they are dumb and currently are still brother and sister, so there’s that.
    Maci is hard to look at and Kyle makes my eyes hurt. Her FB fan page keeps talking about her getting a spin off. If this happens I would think this could be the cure for insomnia the doctors have been looking for. She is boring and ugly. If Bently wasn’t so cute, I would fast forward through her scenes.
    Get some.
    Bint-Lee circa 2012

  65. LisaP Said,

    i dont follow twitter – can someone tell why gary and farrah are “feuding”? @sad to see this end – what happened?

    did anyone notice maci smirking when her “friend” at “school” was hinting that rhiiiiine has issues? or when she told her mother there was more to this court issue? no jackass, he is sick of your dumbassery and manipulation. he doesn’t love you never did.

    and how disrespectful was dalis to rhiiine’s father, “because we love each other LARRY!”

  66. tyler loves my-kuhl Said,

    @infertile stepmom: my hubby and I were saying how ironic it was that four…ok three grownups….ryyyyy doesn’t count…sitting around discussing what’s in Bint-lee ’s best interest, were paying no attention whatsoever to that kid around the raging burning trash heap…uh bonfire …whatever.

  67. Leah's stripper name will be Amber Said,

    I cannot wait to see what Chelsea’s hair looks like and how much more animal print shit Randalicious bought her…and if Adumb’s sleeves grew in…that little bastard. Maybe baby goop called aubrey and gave her some pointers so she too can call her sperm donor a bad person…or asshole…they both work.

  68. The can of spray duster in Bintley's room Said,

    Wow, I was on Gary’s side throughout the entire series because Amber is such a psycho – until this episode. What a manipulative asshole threatening to keep Leah away from her because she’s dating a dude. How much did MTV pay Mike to ~date~ her anyway.

    I loved:

    * When they showed a clip of Leah being born and she looked exactly like Carol.

    * When Sophia called Farrah a bad person, you could tell Ashley loved it. Farrah IS a BAD PERSON. I hope Debra also taught Soph how to say “You’re a bad cook” and “You’re a bad musician”.

    I couldn’t believe she had the nerve to tell Debra that she didn’t want to come back up there for Christmas. I wanted to say I’m done with Farrah but I still need to read her shitty “book” for guilty pleasure.

    Although I too felt like Tyler’s outbursts were staged I felt so bad for Nick, per usual. Why didn’t anybody hug him when he was crying? :( I wish B&T would have adopted him too.

    @LisaP
    Gary indirectly mocked her on twitter saying that he was going to release an autotuned album, etc. (it wasn’t anything that scandalous)

  69. Tarantula Eyelashes Said,

    Gary is hilarious he always makes me laugh. Slut puppy. Ha!

    I thought it was really sad that catelynn and tyler didn’t even bother to comfort nick who was obviously upset. I would assume it’s because they grew up around shit like that and it’s just par for the course and no one comforted them so fuck you nick you’re on your own. Still though sad. Way to show that you’d suck as parents!

    I was pretty impressed that Dalis was the voice of reason when it came to Ryan trying to get Maci & Kyle to no longer live together. Of course she was the voice of reason purely because she wants to move in with Ryan’s parents and never have to work as well. But still REASON!

  70. T*ts on a stick Said,

    Hope you’re feeling better Patrick!!

    OMG did anyone else notice all the back hair poking up out of Gar-bear’s shirt?!?! Seriously, it looked like he had a Grizzly stuffed down the back of his shirt!

    And now Tyler’s true colours are finally showing! Where did all that come from? Ty Ty and Husky Kitty always get the good (and boring) edit, and now suddenly he has an anger problem?? Poor Nick, and poor dog too.

    So what was Maci talking about with her counselor? I was totally mesmerized by the massive glare on her forehead and couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I have never seen such a shiny forehead before!

    And Farrah, geez! We here nothing about her baby daddy at all until season two where she can’t shut up about him or stop ugly-crying every 2 seconds, then as soon as she moves to Florida and gets some D he’s all forgotten, then when she’s not getting D on the regular anymore the ugly cry for Derek comes back in full force?!

    Hey Patrick, can you do a blog post where we all reply and share our favourite Teen Mom moments? I’ll go first:

    My very favourite Teen Mom moment was the time Amber and Gar Bear moved into the ski chalet and Gary fell through the stairs. Just thinking about it still makes me laugh!

  71. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Tyler Said,

    Oh, and does anyone else suspect that all of Farrah’s friends are rentals?

  72. Kyyyy's Shart Said,

    @tyler loves my -kuhl – Yessss!!

    @LisaP – I noticed that. I also noticed how Maci’s face sort of lit up when her friend asked her if she thought it’d be better if her and Ryyyne were still together (or whatever she asked about Ryan)

  73. Soph's red cowboy boots Said,

    Great recap! Esp considering the finale was sub par….

    I do def think that alot of (if not all of) the stuff on the series finale was staged/made up. MTV just needed to “tie up” and bring some closure to the storylines of these fools!

    I must just say once and for all i hate Farrah. She thinks shes at an ivy league school or something the way she talks about studying and doing work. Cullinary management cannot be that difficult esp since most of her classes consist of cooking basic desserts and a bartending class.

    i did notice how Amber’s friend/Destiny’s Child girl was literally on the verge of bawling her eyes out and vomitting. Why was she so damn upset? Maybe she wants custody of Leah.

  74. U weren't invited to leahs birthday party bitch Said,

    I thought it was funny when Farrah said she would take any ring/proposal at this point..yeah..I don’t think there is a man on earth that will date you now, after the segment with Daniel.

    You could always be a mail order bride, but have a feeling your ass would be Fedex’d back so quick it would make your head spin, but it’s worth a shot..

  75. The can of spray duster in Bintley's room Said,

    lol Farrah is selling Soph’s red cowboy boots on ebay for $285 plus $17 shipping. She bought them for like $47. Who in the f*** does she does she think she is.

  76. Chin cysts Said,

    All good things must come to an end… but this could have been better. Catelynn and Tyler agreed that they didn’t like their ending, I can see why. When has he ever exploded before?!

    I’m pretty sure the Dr. Drew special was filmed this year so maybe Gare Bear will get to talk about Ambuhh in gel.

    And I heard that Randilicious tweeted that the TM2 trash bags are coming back in the fall. Praise Babs!

  77. Soph's red cowboy boots Said,

    What?! shes selling the red cowboy boots?!! oh no way…i must get them. (Yea right. )

    Seriously, that girl has some major problems….who the F does she think she is??!
    She makes me nauseous!

  78. The Cheese between Gary's rolls of fat Said,

    The way Gary was manipulating Amber almost made me feel bad for her …except I didn’t. I decided to hate them both equally. What a fat douche bag he is.

    Maci was adorable in season one…now she is a total skank who has an ego the size of her zits and thinks Ryan still wants her? I still can’t get the image of her in Florida with her big black hat on and her posse of girls walking across the beach like she was on America’s Next Top Model.

    Farrah….even your daughter knows you are a horrible person and all the shit you give to your mother she will give to you a hundred times over as she grows up….I only wish MTV would film that…teenage Leah, Sophia, and Bintley. And REAL CHEFS do NOT use bottled lime juice. WTF?

    Tyler….dude….you are not the hipster you like to think you are and take some links out of your giant watch before it falls off of your wrist….and obviously stay away from dogs…..after that scene I doubt you will be seeing much of Carly in the future

    IBBBB…..you have made this show even more of a trainwreck for all of us and I thank you for that and can’t wait for our season of Barb and Keiffer to reunite us all again soon!

  79. Bitch Jungle Said,

    i thought the scenes with Amber and her new boytoy were painful. i could barely even watch. they just looked so staged. i thought he was hired until he looked all fucked up in her house later in the episode. Destiny’s child had pupils the size of quarters. she was definitely on something. Loved when Goop called Farrah a bad person. she definitely heard that somewhere else.

  80. T*ts on a stick Said,

    @ Bitch Jungle — totally agree! That guy looked like he was about to vomit whenever he got too close to Amber. I’m thinking he was either hired by MTV, he’s one of the camera guys, or he’s just some really desperate horny guy looking for an easy lay.

  81. Debra's life sized nutcracker Said,

    Ok, I just wanted to join the fun name trend. But seriously, did anyone see the giant, scary, gold nutcracker on the stairs of Debra’s mansion? And how are they so rich? Her schedule seems pretty wide open for babysitting, is Debra an heiress or something?

    This was a lame episode. It feels like they were going to start some new story lines (anger problem, new boyfriend), then just decided to pull the plug instead. I don’t think the cancellation was necessarily planned so the footage they had didn’t really make sense to “conclude” things. I’m guessing the complete implosion of Amber’s life probably helped MTV with that decision.

  82. Let's Face it-Tyler is gay (and Gary too?) Said,

    Yeah I noticed the nutcracker. It kind of looks like her. What does give on Debra? I’m glad Michael wasn’t on his scenes are painful to watch he is such a puss. BTW for all of Farrah’s “i don’t need my parents” I give it a month before she ships Baby Goop back there for good. She is a bad person. Mabye I’ll try to adopt Sophia too if Deb goes back to the slammer. All the kids on this show are my youngest’s age and I’m a sucker for them!!

    Amber’s and Gary’s Boyfriends annoyed me too b/c they are obviously just trying to be on tv. Amber going on and on about her domestic violence/no contact orders cracked me up b/c the guys just like “oh really?” Who wouldn’t run at that? He was not too ugly either, waaay better than Gary. Someone’s agent told them this would help their acting career. And Gary…well I just noticed that he doesn’t really have many girls around. Also Amber kind of looks like a man and beats the crap out of him, and she seems to be the only girl he’s ever been into. That guy who is his “friend” and taking pictures at Leah’s bday party is legit Hot. I think Gar Bear is slipping him some Teen Mom $$ and made him his boy toy.

  83. Felicity Said,

    What kind of asshole has never had Italian food? Pizza? Chef Boyardee? Nothing? Loser.

  84. butch goes to law school Said,

    debra,i was wondering that too.maybe an’executive mba’means youre rich for life?maybe debra got a cutback everytime she said executive mba..

  85. Ski Chalet's Landlady Said,

    I loved how Dalis was the voice of reason in that whole montage of them sitting by the fire: “What if we wanted to live together?” Last time I checked, Riiiiiiiiiine, “best interests of the child” didn’t mean Maci & Kyle couldn’t shack up, but it probably means you should stay awake long enough to keep your kid from hurtling face-first into the fire.

  86. mel Said,

    lmao @ the stanley steamer commercial reference…best recap ever!

  87. Free Stitch from the sweater, he lives in Florida! Said,

    All I know is, there are no words for how much I despise Farrah. She is so full of herself, not only did she get into a twitter fight with Gary, she took a shot at Tyler too. I wish MTV would cast her in one of their Challenges- and make sure she has to stay until the bitter end- that I would pay to watch!

  88. Soph's red cowboy boots Said,

    Felicity– i thought the same thing. this dumb s*it is quite the liar and/or that deprived. No pizza, spagehtti, plain tomato sauce?…..nothing? i guess Anderson, IN is really a special place…..

  89. Crik Said,

    Two observations:
    I think Gary is part orangutan. He has huge cheek pads.

    Second, re: Farrah: That’s no neighbor. That’s a producer. MTV so badly needed a sounding board for Farrah so we could hear her “thoughts.” But since she has no friends, they had to put a producer in the trenches. That woman looked downright miserable.

    This is not an observation but a full on gloat: I met Daniel last week!! I was a polite as I could be but had to ask some questions. I asked what he really thinks of Sophia (sweetheart). What he thought of how he was portrayed (he’s not unhappy with it “You see how Farrah is.”) He seemed like a pretty nice guy.

  90. Wednesdaystreat Said,

    Ok, I LOL so many times during this recap! The part about Micheal being chained up naked and 50 pounds down was gold and so was the Stanley Steamer thing.

    This whole episode screamed staged to me–not worth my time to even say anything….other than yes, I agree, Trash Claw must be an heiress–and did anybody catch the old family pic on the wall of the three of them?? Sounds like it may be the one in the middle of the book.

    I can’t believe BARB IS ALMOST BACK!!!

  91. butch goes to law school Said,

    speaking of barb,did anyone see how jenelle said barb came charging in her house searching for something?

  92. Random dog on Cate's couch Said,

    Farrah’s “friends” are totally staged. Her “classmate” she had over asked her what class she was in for the project they were working on. I doubt that girl even shares any classes with Farrah or even goes to that school.

    Now that the show is over will someone who isn’t bound by MTV contracts to keep a tight lip please on what is really going on vs. what MTV shows us. It doesn’t even have to be published just blog it and share the link here and everywhere else.

    Was anyone else disappointed that the even with that nasty footage of dog poop and no

  93. Random dog on Cate's couch Said,

    The dog poop wasn’t called Shasta mcnasty on here? I assumed it would be.

    Sorry my post is in two part, I am on my phone and accidentally pressed the Post button.

  94. Amber's Pill Bottles Said,

    Ok, we all know Ambuuuh has treated Geeeary like crap over the years, but where the hell does he get off calling Amber a wh*re and a slut puppy? He’s admitted time and again that he’s gone out with and slept with other girls (most likely prostitutes, but I digress) during those times when he and Amber “weren’t together/taking a break, etc.”. He clearly needs help as he’s still convinced he and Amber can “be a family and make things work”. I know he didn’t have his dad around as a kid so he wants Leah to “have a family” but talk to anyone whose parents stayed married “for the childrens sake” and they’ll usually say they would have much rather had two happily divorced parents! The idea that he has truly been mentally, emotionally and physically abused by her for at 5 years hasn’t really sunk in yet. I wouldn’t be surprised if he tries to get back together with her when she gets out of the Big House!

    Of course, he was wrong to use his daughter as a pawn in his game – I’m no Amber fan, but I truly felt sorry for her as he taunted her with “You’ll never see Leah again” – what woman would want a guy like that? And then when he’s talking to his friend and saying, “I was yelling at her, calling her a slut, telling her she’ll never see Leah again, it was heartbreaking, but I was so mad I didn’t care”. Yes, clearly it was heartbreaking…but you were happy to continue heaping it on!

  95. Brenda Walsh Said,

    I really wish MTV would even remotely try to make these shows sync up with real time. This was filmed almost a year ago! Bentley turns 4 in October! And the reunion looks horribly outdated too. The clip shows Maci saying she and Kyle aren’t together anymore but based off her Twitter they’ve been back together for the past few months. *sigh*

    Would it have killed Dr. Drew to film the reunion like last month or something, instead of more like 8 months ago? So frustrating.

  96. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    I agree! Why do they have to film something and then air it like a year later??? what is the deal MTV? It makes it pointless to watch (almost!) still has that horribly entertaining quality, haha.

  97. IBBBRocks Said,

    I am going to shank a bitch if I don’t get my Here Comes Honey Boo Boo recap soon.

  98. butch goes to law school Said,

    anybody else wonder whether or not lizard licks ron shirley is related to gary?

  99. Amber's Footprint on Gary's Back Said,

    When Farrah was gloating to her friend about getting “A! A! A! A!” in all her classes and then pulled her grades up on her computer, my curiosity got the best of me and I paused my DVR to see what all this Ivy-Leaguer’s racket was about. Turns out she was peacocking about “Shoppers Report Extra Credit” and “Drink Culture Assignment”. NOW I’m REALLY impressed!!! She never even mentioned she was taking all honors classes!

  100. Joe's Rap Career Said,

    @T*ts on a Stick, I totally saw Gary’s back hair, and I will never ever forget him falling through the stairs hahaha

  101. this bitch-ass no contact order Said,

    I am kind of surprised that no one yet has mentioned Maci reminiscing about pushing Bint-lee out of her HOO-HOO 3 yrs ago…

  102. Painful to watch Said,

    I swore there was a hooka behind Farrah in one of her clips. Anyone see it?

  103. Sophia's Mullet Said,

    You should seriously work for The Soup! You’re hilarious.

  104. Broken Cannoli Said,

    But IBBB, Farrah’s lucky number is 15!

  105. Tyler's Explosive Temper...oh snap Said,

    I am not sure we need a TM2 since these skanks are playing it all out on Twitter…I hope Jenelle gets kicked down the stairs by Amber before that little whore’s season starts..she is pure evil..I think Sophia is actually her daughter..bad mommy, bad mommy…I wish they ALL HAD USED WIRE HANGERS….

  106. Anonymous Said,

    A few things. A kid is not potty trained when you have to remind them to sit on the pot. That is parent trained potty awareness. It took like a nano second for Farrah to turn the nasty back on last night once she got what she wanted out of Debra. I take solace in the fact that Farrah couldn’t make it in Florida and had to take her padded fake-ass back to Omaha. She is a piece of work, that one. Did anyone notice how every time they showed the dog, it was always wigglin around on it’s back. Just an observation.

    Oh and Ty, my my my. What a temper you have been hiding from all of us. Oh, it is the real thing. The hair stood up on the back of my neck as I have excellent instincts for abusive asshats. Catelynn needs to run and run fast. And Tyler, you don’t get to be abusive to animals and human beings and then just haphazardly toss out a little baby talkin apology, like that makes it all better. Puke.

    I feel like an era has ended and but it is a bittersweet thing. Thanks for the laughs and canny perceptions Patrick. You have a talent. Now go out into the world and make us all proud. This is just the begginning for you. I expect to see you all famous and other like stuff in the near future.

  107. Dani Said,

    Anonymous post if mine. Hmm, don’t know why my name didn’t post. Sorry.

  108. Justlikehoneybooboo Said,

    I didn’t watch the episode, but when I saw the shot of Gary at Leah’s b-day party, at first glance I swore Gary was shirtless with something painted on his chest. I am amazed that shirt didn’t bust at the seams it’s so tight.

  109. Amber's Pill Bottles Said,

    Maci and her HOO-HOO was NOT an image I needed! The attitude she gave off when talking about how SHE should ALWAYS be the most important person in Bint-Lee’s life (because without her he wouldn’t be here) was screaming “Boy’s Mother from HELL” in about 15 years – no poor girl will go anywhere near him because of her domineering presence!

  110. Tarantula Eyelashes Said,

    I rewatched it because I missed a few things the first time and noticed that Ambers infected face piercings are gone. I didn’t know you could just remove dermal piercings I thought they were permanent.

  111. StankyPickles Said,

    @ the can of spray duster – Oh really? I would LOVE to have those red cowboy boots. But I live in Nigeria. do you think she would arrange wire transfers and ship them to me if I paid an extra $5000?!

  112. Amy Said,

    I heard that Maci and Kyle broke up and she was dating another guy called Kyle…now she’s back together with the first one?? This shit really is out of date. Even more so for me – here in New Zealand we’re only halfway through the last season of 16 and Pregnant. The Teem Mom 1 tots will probably be teenage parents themselves by the time I see this episode!!
    Oh, well – now I can sit back and enjoy watching these cum-dumpsters slowly fade into oblivion; in between watching Here Comes Honey Boo Boo on You Tube and anxiously waiting for Barb to re-appear.
    Also, I second whoever said that Gary falling down the stairs was the greatest moment in Teen Mom history – thinking about that never fails to make me laugh! Even though I initially thought he wasn’t wearing a shirt in the picture above and that is an image I definitely do NOT want to retain…I’ll probably have nightmares!
    Patrick, you’re an absolute legend!!

  113. Emily Said,

    I am so glad MTV finally showed the true side of Tyler and his sister. I knew Tyler couldn’t be as level headed as he acts, coming from Butch and Kim who stayed with Butch long enough to have two kids. And you know he’s like this all the time because Cate acted like she’s use to it and actually tried to comfort him so he wouldn’t get more angry. Oh and totally didn’t comfort her poor other brother.
    What made me really pissed off, after hearing for three years now how they “gave up carly so she had a better life”, last night they tell us;
    Tyler- ” I knew I wouldn’t be a good dad or stick around, that’s why I gave her up”
    Cate- ” I knew you wouldn’t stick around that’s why I gave her up even though I really wanted to keep her.
    Tyler, you POS, there are self help books on being a good dad, or just enough will to be a different person than your dad and actually making yourself be there for your kid. You are no better than Butch.
    Cate, I hope you realize how ugly you are and that’s the reason you stayed with Butch/Tyler, cuz noone else would want you, so only option was of course giving up your kid. You are just like you mom, after the abuse Butch put her through she still hasn’t divorced him, and you will forever stay with abusive Tyler.

  114. Maci's Mr. Magoo Glasses Said,

    While I do think Gary was a bit of a douche to Amber, nothing and I mean NOTHING will ever make me feel sorry for her. She is a classic example of reaping what you sow. And her eyelashes are ridiculous.

  115. your left ovary Said,

    I love how idiots on Twitter keep saying “I want a relationship like Tyler and Catelynn have.”
    Okay, I’m sure I can find some illegitimate child of Butch’s that inherited his abusive tendencies for you to shack up with. Or, if you want the full effect, hook up with your brother.

  116. accutane Said,

    come on people Amber did not fall on a sex toy, it was hairbrush :P

  117. ChewBear Said,

    I wonder if the cum dumpsters actually read any of these blogs. My pick in the suicide pool is Ambuh

  118. Young and Reckless Said,

    i laughed. i cried. i puked when amber found the toenails in the bed. oh wait. wrong show!

  119. Leah's stripper name will be Amber Said,

    @chewbear: you’re on! $20.00 that says by the end of 2012. Judging from the on phone hyperventilating mini breakdown, she might not even see Halloween.

  120. FortuneCookieCannoliWithoutA Fortune Said,

    Ahhhh Farrah, karma is as much of a bitch as you. Your daughter is already calling you out at *two* years old, hahaha

    Tyler’s fake therapy session did make me a little sad. There was definitely some truth said in there. Butch has not and will never love Tyler, he’s a junkie and only cares about getting his next high. Not even prison makes him change his ways so Tyler doesn’t stand a chance. He should just cut ties with him for real and end the cycle.

    If Amber resembled anything close to a loving mother, I would have felt horrible for her during that phone call with Gary. That was downright cruel, but we all know Amber was getting a taste of some of her own abusive medicine.

    Maci should realize that her Mom was definitely telling her the truth- she couldn’t change Rhiiiiiine into a good father when they were together and she definitely has no control over him now either. Stop using Bentley as a pawn and just deal.

  121. April's Broken Toliet Seat Said,

    I’m actually relieved that this show is over. I couldn’t bear to look at Amber’s eyelashes for another episode. I hope Gel is treating her well and I hope to the little baby Jesus in the Heavens that none of these broads get a spin-off.

  122. No More D For Farrah? Womp Womp Womp... Said,

    I have to say the show had to end, MTV was sick of hiring ugly people to be fake friends for Farrah and Amber. Since this is the last show, I have to say its been cool. I hope they do check in on these characters once in a while to see what’s going on. I do guarantee that the money they made will be spent up in about 2 years. Amber’s money will last the longest, as she’s in jail & can’t spend it up. Macy’s will go first, if she keeps buying and white trashifying luxury cars. She doesn’t care about Bentley’s college fund; he can get an applied science associates degree at the community college. Bye ya’ll….

  123. Cates ribbons and bows Said,

    At first glance at the phrase “live fast” on Gary’s affliction t-shirt, I thought it said “live fat”-I think he’s got that one covered…

  124. Cates ribbons and bows Said,

    And Gary’s a pos for using Leah against Amber like that. Amber is a total mess, but what Gary did to her was inexcusable.

  125. Not Goggles Said,

    I love how Amber yelling at Gary was part of the montage at the end.. Personally I thought it should have been her punching him in the face.

    Bring on Barb and Keiffah!

  126. The new "ends meat" Said,

    Okay, where to begin? MTV sure screwed Cate and Ty Ty royally by choosing the LAST episode to make them look like crapnuggets. With Tyler going crazy on the poor puppy and Catelynn basically implying that she gave up iCarly to keep Tyler, Brandonteresa are going to get a reeeeally bad last impression of these “kids.” Perhaps at some point they got on the network’s shit list!

    Farrah and Maci are both ridiculously full of themselves. Maci will end up marrying Kyle just to stay relevant (”aw they made it! Yay I was team Kyle [king]! Lame fan excitement vicariously attained!”) and Farrah WILL switch teams, probably selling out to the highest bidder to give an interview in which she asserts that ALL the men are the problem and that she will more readily change a deeply ingrained quality like sexuality (fake bitch! Moron!) than work on her interpersonal skills.

    I’m honestly not sad to see these girls go. Amber, you were a shitty mom when you still had Leah but at least the early negativity knocked you down a few pegs so that you didn’t morph into the skanky famewhores that Maci and Farrah have become. Can’t believe I’m saying this but I feel like down the line she has the most potential for normality. Jeez, I really wanna write her a letter now. Leah is just too cute and I hope she gets the support she needs to develop healthily.

    Back to C&T, I think they’ve been great selfless people, but I hope for them too that they will be able to move on and set themselves up for a good future (together or separately!). It is kinda fucked up for them that they gave iCarly up so she’d be taken care of, just to see these immature morons of their “cast members” walking down easy street after keeping their kids. But obviously that environment (rat tails, twisted teas, and dog shit!) would have been negatively influential regardless. Girl is better off, C&T have purchased a house, and they’re all better off.

    Now I can’t fkn WAIT for my girl Babs!!!!

  127. The Pacifier Still In Use During H/S Graduation Said,

    If you read Tyler and Catelynn’s web site that they have, he talks about how he has had anger issues his entire life and how he was always getting kicked oiut of school, etc. I think he just got a good edit for most of the show. Not only does he not need to be a parent to a child, if he treats a dog like that, they do not need any more animals in their home. If you look at all the animals they have had over the season’s, it does make me wonder what’s happened to them all?

    Sadly, TV (and the ensuing money) has done nothing for these poor kids as it’s turned their already screwball parents into even worse people/fame whores. I still think we will be meeting back here at our beloved IBBB board when our Patrick blogs about the latest antics they have all been up to just to stay in the lime light.

    Lastly, I agree with what another poster stated – Tyler is no where near the “hipster” he thinks he is. He looks down right stupid with all the stupid oversized crap he wears all the time. And? What was with the classic muscle car he and Cate were driving off in with their final scene? What are they all going to do for real jobs now I wonder?

  128. WV_Genetic-cyst Said,

    Bint-lee totally said “get some”… I guess Ryan is teaching his only skill to his son.

    “Did you really just say HOO-HOO?”

  129. Jessica Salch Said,

    Ok so Farrah just sucks at life! She is the meanest, most self-centered person ever! But I do want her to continue making music strictly for comedic sake… And, don’t you think Maci should be able to afford proactive by now?! I will miss your posts.. I just hope to see jenelle and Barb once again—they are truly the epitome of white trash!

  130. April's Broken Toliet Seat Said,

    Well, according to good ole Wykypadyeya (Wikipedia for all you smartskies out there) we’ll be seeing BRb and her bitch of a daughter on October 2, 2012!

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