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Aug
15

Teen Mom Recap: All of Farrah’s Ex’s Live in Texas (and Heaven)

Posted by IBBB
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Hello my good people.  It’s time for yet another episode of “Carly is Really Missing Out.”  Before we continue I’d like to say a big “gracias” to all of you who recommended and shared my recap of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo.  It broke IBBB records that, well, only I care about.  So let’s make that happen all the time, right?  Right!  Oh, and my birthday is right around the corner so be sure to join me on my Facebook page so that you can send me money and such. Also:

Hi Parents, big year for spelling, here’s what the kids will N-E-E-D
Pens & markers, paper (Wide-Ruled),
Puddy, stickers, tape, and sticks of glue,
Lunch boxes, pencils, highlighters,
Sneakers, & tee shirts,
Notebooks & Jeans,
Notebooks & Jeans, Notebooks & Jeans,
YEAH-NOTEBOOKS & JEANS

Ok, let’s get down to lady business.

Farrah – Our beloved Ms. Gulch has finally made it to Texas with her boyfriend of 7 years, Daniel.  Oh wait, they’ve only been dating for about 5 weeks?  Gotcha.  Well frankly I find it refreshing that Farrah is giving the terrorists other states to attack for a change.  I mean, lay off Iowa and Florida for Pete’s sake.  Anynewboobs, Farrah and Daniel head out for a wonderful dinner in which Farrah shows her teeth and isn’t a giant C the entire time.  It’s like “getting the D” really recharges her.  I hope she never disconnects…if ya know what I mean?  And if you don’t let me spell it out for you. I hope Farrah goes through life with a penis permanently stored inside her.  Now that we’re clear, let’s move on.  After a romantic dinner filled with lots of cheese that will most likely give her the sh*ts, it’s time to kiss on a bridge at sunset whilst hundreds of bats fly all over the place.  So sexy.  I can’t wait for the bats to nest in Farrah’s hair and Shasta McNasty in her newly aligned mouth.

Later, Farrah gets to meet Daniel’s dad and stepmom at dinner.  I have no clue, by the way, what nationality anyone is.  Dinner was like an ad for United Colors of Benetton but, you know, way ugly.   She wants to know how she should act in front of his dad and Daniel chimes in that she should just act like herself.  It seems odd that he would want her to berate them during the first dinner, but maybe they really do things different in Texas after all?  The dinner goes really well which was refreshing.  I’m kidding.  It was as much of a disaster as Farrah’s vag probably was post-childbirth.  I’m talking a mess. A. Mess. Like a pair of ripped up “dungarees” from the 80’s…with red whore paint spilled all over them.  I actually thought Farrah was drunk, but then just realized this is what her personality is like when she’s being “outgoing” and “charming.”  Not only does she tell the 51 year old stepmother that she’s going to be a “lone bird” because she has never had any children, she then tells his dad that she’s ready to have another child soon so Baby Goop has someone to smother to death and serve 10 years in Juvie.  She hardcore slaps Daniel on the back and ask him if he’s ready for all this.  I mean how she got one guy to stick it in and stay inside long enough to impregnate her is beyond me.  P.S., she should just give Baby Goop to the stepmom to, you know, own and junk. Or at least see if she wants to take care of her for a couple months after Debra is done with her.  #PlanAheadBricks

The “next day” the happy couple go shopping and buy Sophia some red cowboy boots most likely so she has a better shot of either (1) running away from Debra or (B) kicking the crap out of her.  It’s a win/win either way.  Unless she chooses what’s behind curtain #3 and then in that case she could win a goat grazing on some grass.  It’s a tough call.  After boots are bought (and not knocked) Farrah buys her own engagement ring for herself and rubs it in Daniel’s face.  I then spend the next 5 minutes simply yelling “ruuuuuun” at my television.  Luckily for the white-trash store they’re in Farrah also thinks she sees her wedding dress.  Words can’t even begin to describe the physiological problems this chick has.  I mean Debra must have really done a number on her.  Most likely, number 2 but still a number nonetheless.

Later, Daniel is literally up sh*ts creek without a paddle.  And to make things worse he can’t even use Debra’s trash claw to row up river because Debra isn’t with them right now, although I’m pretty sure she’s perched up on a mighty sequoia watching them from a distance to make sure there isn’t any tricky-dick trying to make its way into Farrah’s Abraham.  Sadly this is the one Abraham that wasn’t shot in the back of the head.  Too soon for Lincoln jokes?  I figured.  Anygulch, Farrah and Daniel are taking a romantic boat trip up the river just the two of them…and the camera crew.  Within seconds of being on these little boats Farrah is sure to be completely normal and alerts Daniel that she doesn’t want to “date forever” and since it’s already been a lengthy 1.5 months she’s ready to be engaged.  Way to not blow your load right away, Far-Far.  I’m not sure what was more shocking, the fact that’s she’s saying this on camera and hit tilt on the “trash-o-meter” or the fact that I was able to give the middle finger to my television all whilst sporting some side-eye during this entire scene.  I was just as surprised as you that my arm didn’t get tired from holding it up so long.

Daniel’s first mistake on this trip was even putting on a life-vest.  He should have filled his sneakers with cement and put on a lead dunce-cap and just let nature take its course.  I mean even Baby Goop has an efficient escape plan as she spends her free time trying to jump down wells like she is the Baby Jessica of our generation.  I liked how Daniel was basically like, “B*tch we’ve been dating for a month and I can barely put it in you without your mother swatting at me with her trash-claw and Michael filming it.”  Damn it, Michael!  Sure he didn’t really say that but he, along with certain parts of Canada, were thinking it.  In typical Farrah “eye-roll” fashion she’s sure to end the conversation with giving him an attitude and saying, “Well I want more of a commitment and be engaged so no big deal.”    Honestly, no wonder why Sophia’s daddy “checked out” early.  Although I guess Farrah really knows what she wants as she claims she knows if she’s ready to be married after a short period of time.  It’s similar to when she moves into a registered-sex-offender neighborhood and lets just anyone babysit her child.  So same/same.

In the end, Farrah is invited to hang out with Daniel and his friends but Daniel hardly talks to Farrah so she leaves early and goes to the hotel by herself.  Daniel never returns.  The next morning Farrah calls Debra to b*tch about him and tell her that it’s over.  Yeah, I’m pretty sure he’s decided that before she had the chance to call Trash Claw.  My favorite part was when she was checking out of the hotel and the employee asks her if she enjoyed Texas and she just replies by saying, “I had an ok time” and then rolls her eyes.  The B*tch is Back.  I enjoy how Farrah finds all of her happiness in men instead of herself.  We see the relationship fall to sh*t when Daniel drives around with his friend and explains how Farrah means well but she just simply has too many demands.  Oh yeah Daniel?  Say it to Debra’s face.

Amber – Look who’s cured!!!  For me that jokes never gets old.  Other things that don’t get old is Amber explaining to anyone who will listen that Leah can’t live with her because of the vandalism that was done to her home.  Yawn.  Amber probably did it herself.  And why does she feel the need to tell us every episode?  And more importantly, is the real vandalism the tattoo of Leah that Amber has on her FUPA?  Probably.  Speaking of mistakes, Leah keeps calling Gary “mom” and Gar-Bear needs to keep correcting her.  You can’t really blame her, however, because Gary really does have a bigger cup size than Amber.  And he kinda sorta does look pregnant.  Basically Gary and his MILF are like a modern day lesbian couple.  They’re just missing a lot of keys and some Phish paraphernalia.  Presto Chango…Scissors.  Where was I?  Seriously, I think I need a geneticist STAT!

Amby-Pants is freaking out at Gary over the phone because she wants to see Leah today since she has nothing to do.  Aww that’s sweet.  She should save sweet talk like that for when Leah needs to talk to her via bullet-proof glass.  And how can Amber say she has nothing to do today?  I mean, she clearly spent hours trying to look like Six from Blossom.  And, by the way, she nailed it.  Also, she looks like she’s going to cry by simply dialing the phone.  Per usual, Amber is screaming at Gary for being “a bastard” and not letting her see Leah.  She hangs up the phone and immediately starts crying all whilst she gets into her brand-new Lincoln.  A Lincoln, really?  You’re like 19 and you’re driving a Lincoln?  Suddenly she’s like Mama Fratelli.  No joke I just cracked myself up.  Then I Googled “Mama Fratelli” and laughed whilst looking through the images.  Ahhh life is neat.

mama-fratelli-amber-portwood

While driving, Amber decides to call Destiny’s Child to complain about Gary.  At one point I’m pretty sure she was bursting into tears because she couldn’t merge onto the highway.  No joke.  While talking to Destiny’s Child she turns the story around to say that Gary was yelling at her on the phone for no reason.  Destiny’s Child was telling her to keep calm because she “knows how Gary is.”  It was really like she was saying no no no no no, when it’s really yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah (this is the remix).  She finally makes it to Destiny Child’s house and cries some more claiming she just wants a new house so she can get Leah back.  She also hopes that a house will make her happy.  I’m sure it will work out that way.  If these walls could talk I’m sure they’d say, “EXPENSIVE!”

In the end, Amber and Destiny’s Child head over to some kick-ass neighborhood to look at a house that Amber wants to rent.  Seriously it’s huge.  It’s like “The Gary” of homes.  She’s going from this big house to The Big House.  Ok I’m done.  I don’t want to say that the guy showing the house is a Level III, but I’m guessing that the guy showing the house is a Level III (allegedly…ok fine, not allegedly…entirely made up).  But what I am saying is that if a giant red flag appears on a map over his house I wouldn’t be shocked.  Basically, he’s qualified to babysit Baby Goop.  And notice how quickly he was to tell Amber where the nearest playground was?  Diddles McLaughlin.  In all honestly that house was amazing and I’m almost certain that if Amber moves in the price of all the other houses around her will plummet.  Way to trash up the neighborhood.  Imagine owning a home there for like $1 million and you open up your back porch and hear Amber beating the bag out of Gary and seeing all the indoor furniture thrown to and fro all over the backyard?  Simply brilliant.  In the closing seconds what the hell was Destiny’s Child talking about on the playground swing saying there was enough room on it for her, Leah, and Amber?  Wait a second, does she do scissors?  I don’t think you do, so you and me are through.

Catelynn - What the F kind of “colleges” are these two trying to attend where no one seems to know what the F kind of degree they should be getting?!  My friends, this is the overall theme of all of Catelynn and Tyler’s scenes tonight.  If this show was being talked about on Bravo there would be a “drinking game alert” and you’d have to take a mullet-full of your cocktail every time you heard someone say “social working degree.”  Husky Kitty and Son of Snarlin’ Darlin’ are at the local diner (the kind of place where they pour hepatitis directly into your orange juice) with their friend and chit-chatting about taking some time off from school because they’re not sure what degree they should get.  They’re genuinely scared that they’ll choose the wrong degree for what they want to do with their lives and, apparently, get shot in the face for doing so.  I mean, aren’t they attending Trailer Park Community College (TPCC)?  I’m pretty sure the “degree choices” is VCR Repair and CD Walkman Cleaning.  Pick one.  Catelynn wants to become an Adoption Counselor and with the same bad hairdo as Dawn from “the agency” so she gives her a call right then and there to see what degree she should be getting.  Do you need a degree to picket abortion clinics?  I was not aware.  Either way,  Cate dials up Dawn with her gross fake Lee Press-On finger nails.  It looks like she placed both hands in the hole in April’s bathroom and that’s what her hands looked like when she took them out.   Basically it was the color of Butch’s skid-marked-underoos.  Was that not clear?

Later Cate and Ty get a “letter” from Brandon and Teresa.  They always say “letter” but it’s really just an email.  Teresa basically G-chatted them.  I’m sure the subject line was, “B*tch, leave us alone!”  Teresa is pretty much just rubbing things in their face now.  She’s like, “iCarly is doing great.  She may be only 2 years old but she already knows she’s better off living with us. P.S., she wears bows in her hair now.  P.P.S, we have a lot of money, we could have technically bought your baby instead of you just passing her to us.”  Fine, part of that was made up.  The bow part was true.  I think it’s great that iCarly sports hair bows just like Husky Kitty.  As the old saying goes, “Like biological mother like better off daughter.”  After the fun email, mini April and baby Butch  have to go to that God-forsaken Adoption Group meeting that Dawn seems to have 6 days a week.  It’s like, adoption is great but this series is about to end so it’s ok to “do abortion” sometimes too.  Every time Catelynn goes to these meetings she always finds some Stage 5 clinger.  This time around some blond chick keeps asking Catelynn to talk to her and “counsel” her and then is like, “Can I have your phone number?”  Why?  It’s not like Catelynn is going to adopt your baby.  If I was there to help I would just always say, “Papa don’t preach” and hope they would get the message. Also, there is no shortage of free pizza at these meetings so the local homeless should stuff some towels or, you know, balls of tinfoil up their shirt and go get some food.  Just for fun, towards the end of the meeting go into the bathroom, remove the towel from under your shirt, and then come out and tell Dawn you found someone on the way to buy your baby.  You’ll all be squealing with delight before the last slice of pizza is gone.

Meanwhile, Kim is on “Red Alert” because she found out that Tyler is taking some time off from VCR Repair school.  She was in such a huff she just grabbed the first shirt she could find and headed over to the trailer to discuss.  I was content, of course, knowing that she was sporting a grey cardigan that had the picture of a golf scene on her boob area.  Not to be outdone, Tyler is really committing to his Michael Jackson black fedora.  He was really just only missing the glove, which I’m sure is stashed somewhere around the trailer.  Kim is going to set up a dinner with her “work friends” because apparently they gave Kim advice when she was going to school even when her own school wasn’t sure what degree she should go after.  I mean, really.  No one in that neck of the woods seems be able to master the difficult task of “choosing a degree.”   Jesus, pick anything.  Either way you’re only going to W2 no more than $10K anyway.  And Catelynn seems to think that college is like buying a used car.  She keeps telling people that “they’re only going to tell you what you want to hear.”  Really? I’m pretty sure “college” isn’t trying to scam you.  If they said, “Those bows look great!” then I’d think you were onto something.

In the end, Kim and Tyler attend that fancy dinner with Kim’s co-workers who can help Tyler figure out what degree he should get.  In honor of this special occasion, Kim is decked out in a Marsha Warfield all purple suit.  Is she a pimp on the side?  One may never know.  Everyone is in awe of that one chick at dinner who has a “double masters degree.”  They looked at her like she should run for president.  Not for nothing, but I’m almost certain that a double masters degree where they’re from is basically just completing two weeks of Community College without dropping out.  Either way, she was helpful and told Tyler that he can keep his degree as Home Economics (?) and still work with “the youth” when he is all done with college.  Even Cate gets to keep the degree that she wanted so that she can one day intern for Dawn.  They’re still not going to go back to college until the winter, but they claim they’re really going to go.  If they wait long enough maybe iCarly will be in class with them!  Fingers crossed.

Maci – Had a yard sale.

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Episode Rating:  2 Opposite Yawning Ryan’s and 2 Opposite Crying Farrah’s

teen-mom-rating

193 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

  1. IBBB Said,

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  2. Cowboys Don't Ride Cows Said,

    Great recap as always… and I must say, live tweets for the series finale on the twitter! PLEASE!

    And someone, let’s talk about Maci now! I’m dying here! It was pure comedic genius how she was like ‘I have class at four, but I’m gonna do this yard sale’ Or how about when she flipped sh*t on Ryyyy after posting her tweet? Somebody, anybody!

  3. EasyAs123 Said,

    Ahhh, this week’s recap is finally up :)
    Patrick, I honestly thought, that with the drama between Maci and Ryan regarding that tweet, that you’d actually have some material for her this week. I’m a little disappointed :( I’m sure the comments will suffice though.

  4. Shannon Said,

    LMAO loved this one too. The pictures were the best especially the mother from goonies lol. And who cares about Maci??????
    Patrick these people will never be happy unless you recap every single second of this show lol. Screw them this was hilarious so keep doing what your doing

  5. Leah's Happy Meal Said,

    I seriously lost my shit at the image of Amber and her doppelgänger Mama Fratelli.
    I could not believe Daniel told Farrah to “be herself”. I mean really. What did he expect? But even I wouldn’t have guessed she’d tell his stepmom she was a dried up old hag who’d die alone.
    And yes, “Cowboys”, Maci is going to epic lengths to miss class. I can’t tell you how many yard sales kept me away from school. And I loved when Ryyyyn came to get Bint-lee and she was all, “I hope he’s not going to flip out over the tweet”…and proceeded to bring it up. Yep, that’s exactly what I do when I want to avoid a scene.

  6. Maci's Sweatpants Said,

    Did anyone notice Maci’s trash bag living room? Maci always seemed to keep her house pretty clean, wtf was that?!?! And I’m hoping that the finale brings us a certain little baby butch coming out of the closet!

  7. QueenofCorona Said,

    I bet Daniel was playing over and over again in his mind the Debra slap she got back in the day when his eyes went dead everytime Farrah opened her Invisalined mouth.

    Someone please tell Tyler to just come out of the closet already. Or tell him that the trailer park trash version of Justin Beiber isnt his best look. I love how Ty’s mom is rocking the Barney purple “business” blazer.

  8. Meee Said,

    Well, I thought it was safe to go ahead and take a drink of my iced coffee when I got down to maci, then ended up choking on it when I glanced down and saw the opposite yawning Ryan’s. That was funny and I don’t know why.

  9. Chin cysts Said,

    I about lost my shit due to the awkwardness associated with every scene Farrah was in! My god, desperate much? My mouth dropped when she told Daniel’s stepmom that she missed her chance having babies, or something to that effect. Holy shit bitch, have some tact! At least TRY not to be a complete twat to the parents of the boy you’re trying to lock down. He did the right thing leaving her alone at the hotel, I couldn’t have asked for a better ending. I’m counting it as an early birthday present to myself, seeing as the finale episode will be on my actual birthday. So really, this was an early treat. Thank you Daniel, although I’m sure we’ll never see you again.

  10. ang Said,

    stopped reading for a second to say i as well thought farrah was drunk at dinner with daniels parents…as the episode went on i felt second hand embaressment for her…what a treat she is

  11. The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass Said,

    Formerly Teresa and Catelyn’s hairlines….Daniel is my new favorite person in the world. Ck out his twitter…daniel Alverez I think is his name. Little girls are freaking out that he deserted Miss Gulch, and he is like, Bitch Please…did it ever occur to you I broke up with her off camera and had a friend take her back to the hotel..all smoke and mirrors fangirls. And the people that get all confused that it is a TV show kill me…yes, Farrah was all alone filming herself the entire time…no, there was no MTV camera crew there THE ENTIRE TIME.. Basically, he could care less and I love him for it. And WHO is Destiny’s Child/Nene Leakes? Is she Amber’s counselor? A friend we have never seen? Someone being paid so Amber has someone to talk to? Oh, I think I get it now.. Jumping forward, did everyone see jenelle/Snooki-gate yesterday? Jenelle accused Snooki of being a bad mom in the future and Snooki shut her down…JE might have picked on the wrong bitch this time. Well, Patrick, I hope we see some RHONJ recaps soon…once a week from you is not enough (oh crap, I sound like Farrah…)

  12. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    So Farrah was not drunk during the family dinner with Daniel and his parents? ugh. Lord, please….just do us all a favor and jump off the bridge. (the same one where the bats flew out from).
    She def has hit tilt on the trash-o-meter. She is the absolute worst. You could tell when she was kissing Daniel on camera he wanted to die right then and there. Poor guy. At least he gave her a solid 5 1/2 weeks of the “D” and smiles.

    I was wondering the same thing about Cate and Ty. Where in the holy hell are they that its THAT difficult to pick a degree? I mean its community college and most freshmen go in undeclared if they arent sure. Oh, and you can change your major after the first semester (its not like its illegal) You’re a freshman– you’re just taking standard first year classes anyways that EVERYONE in the school must take.
    They really werent sure if they were actually going to go back to school (rake in the teen mom money for as long as possible) so the entire plot was made up. Crafty, MTV…painful to watch, but crafty

  13. Hachet Face Said,

    I f-ing love Kim and all her 80s glory. Never change, Kim, never change.

  14. Meee Said,

    Let’s all take a second to try not to forget that she also told Daniels parents that she “popped” out a baby at age 17. I’m sure that’s one of the qualities they were hoping for in a daughter in law.
    And what was the deal with catelynn and Tyler? I was sure when they kept saying they didn’t know what degree to get, they really meant that the list at the end of the technical school college commercial goes by too fast to choose. If they only knew that child day care WAS on there, they wouldn’t have missed a whole “semester”.

  15. Mandy Said,

    You just exceeded my super-high expectations of what this recap would be based on Amber’s doppelgänger alone. I LOLZ’ed (or whatever :) . If I wasn’t married, I think my twitter, facebook and instagram followers would second guess my love for you. ::running off to RECOMMEND::

  16. Ryan's Yawn Said,

    Can Ryan just F*ck Maci already so she will stop making herself look so desperate around him?! Get the message Maci, HE HAS MOVED ON

  17. your left ovary Said,

    So I am not going to watch this but what is the business about a tweet and Maci?

  18. Conspiracy Man Said,

    I would like to know the difference between the first semester’s classload of Human Services and the first semester’s classload of Social Worker. I am sure that the differences are so dramatic that it will take Ty and Cate an entire 5 months to figure it out.

    I am now beginning to think that the stars on this show are so full of themselves that they no longer realize that people can see through all of their lies. They are used to having people kiss their asses 24/7, so they expect the viewers to believe that
    - We need 5 months off to figure out whether to get a degree in social worik or human services.
    -I could not go to school because I had to have this yard sale.
    -Gary won’t let me have Leah and only agrees to let me have her when he knows I have things planned, like house hunting in my new Lincoln (and taking so many drugs that I am incoherent.
    -Ryan and Dalis are way overreacting to my innocent little comment that if he and I were back together, it would be better for Bently.

    They are so used to having people hang onto their every TV star words, that they have entirely lost touch with reality.

  19. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Can you imagine how difficult and petulant these kids are to have to work with in real life? Don’t you think that each and every one of them is a giant, self-obsessed pain in the ass? I bet that MTV would havelet the show run a few years longer, but they are probably getting so many hassles from these divas that they pulled the plug in frustration.

  20. Conspiracy Man Said,

    I mean, Farrah is so blind to reality that she is going to release her whole album. It is almost like she was deaf to the criticism of the first single, and she just thinks that everyone loves her and everything she is going to do is guaranteed to be a success.

    Maci thinks she is going to get her own talk show, despite the fact that she is dumb as a board and she is really boring. Lately, she has been getting rock-star drunk and acting like a true celebrity.

    TY & Cate think that everyone is bluffed by their incredibly lame excuse for just taking some time off to screw around and do nothing.

    I guarantee that there is someone at MTV who is sick to death of all of their attitudes and will relish watching each and every one of them blow through their money in record times and fall flat on their faces, exactly like every other reality television star has done when their very short time in the sun is over. They don’t even have the option of going on Celebrity Rehab anymore, since two of its past stars have ODed after getting cured on teh show.

  21. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Also- I don’t think Farrah was crossing the line when she told Daniel’s step mother that she will be a lonely bird. Most middle-aged people who are infertile are not at all hypersensitive about it and they all tend to love having the fact that they are barren pointed out to them during lighthearted conversation. I am sure that the stepmother thought it was hilarious that she didn’t have kids and was really endeared to Farrah for making a joke about it.

  22. Conspiracy Man Said,

    As a guy, I was glad to see that Daniel was able to have exactly the trip home with Farrah that he wanted to have. I bet that he was super delighted to be able to spend the whole vacation shopping in all of the stores in Austin. That is every guy’s idea of a dream vacation.

  23. butch goes to law school Said,

    i felt so bad for daniels stepmom.what if she was infertile and it really hurt her?she just kind of gaped of farrah,like wtf did you say?as for maci,i dont really get why dalis got so upset over macis tweet.i mean maci didnt say,god,i want me a big hunk of ryan,she just said bentley would behappier if they were together.last week when i saw dalis pushing ryan to go for joint custody,my first thought was she must be infertile and wants a kid…she seems to like getting ryan riled up.

  24. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Finally- I don’t think Amber could have possibly been more wasted than she was in her segment on the balcony. She must have forgotten to take her medicine at the right time to be that spectacularly HAMMERED. She was rambling and incoherent. I thought that they made so much progress in rehab on her substance abuse problems when they instructed her on the right times to take her medicine. She must have really skipped an important dose during that segment.

  25. Rehab Swing Said,

    I think it should be titled ‘Just when you thought Gary couldn’t get any fatter’. Holy cow when he was sitting in that chair I thought it was two or three people sitting there.

    Maci… Ok really girl. How many garage sells (Amber accent, just because) go past 4:00? Maybe it’s a Kansas thing, but the ones here are done by like 2:00. Tops. And who is gonna buy her trash anyway? I mean I’m sure it’s just blond/black/red hair extensions and old Bint clothes. Either go to preschool/daycare with Bint or give up on the college thing. You’re not fooling anyone.

    Farrah, Farrah, Farrah. You sure know how to scare ‘em off. Props to Danny boy for lasting as long as he did, because I don’t think I coulda done it. How did he even survive the trip there with her? I actually would think that he would have been scared off after meeting trash claw and her telling him to think about what he really wanted to do in life or whatever she was blubbering. Does anyone listen to her?

    Cate and Ty… I can’t with you. No more. Get off the show. I know for a fact (hell, iCarly knows) that you’re not gonna get into those hardcore upper level double master’s classes in the first semester. Gen-eds, anyone? I mean I’m sure you could appreciate art and it would count towards any degree. Stop making excuses. Also, stop looking like the Biebs.

  26. Biscuit with a side of gravy Said,

    your left ovary –

    Maci said something stupid on Twitter about how it would be nice for Bentley’s sake if Ryan and her were still together. The new chick, Dalis apparently stalks Maci’s Twitter page and read that and got pissed off. Ryan in turn chewed out Maci via text. Funny thing is this basically backs up everyone’s theories on here that Maci is still not over Ryan even though he’s a huge douche nozzle.

  27. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Butch- you could be right about Dalis, but I am guessing that Maci has been picking at that string for a long, long time, and dalis finally had enough. Do you remember all of the episodes where Maci kept drilling her friends with questions about who is more important to Bentley – Ryan is number one to Bently over Kyle. I am number one over any other girl because I am Bently’s mom . . . ? She was doing those little recitations over and over for many of the episodes. Also, remember that Maci went and violated Dalis’ vacation fun, and I am sure that she is just sick of Maci interfering in her life.

    Also, Butch, see if you can get into USC law School with Rob Kardashian.

  28. Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,

    I think Bint_lee would be happier if ME and Rhine were together.

  29. Tyler's Gay Lover Said,

    OMG…I almost just sharted myself like KyKy when I saw the pic of Mama Fratelli with Amber! Hahaahahahaa!

    I should have seen it coming, but I am mind blown at Farrah’s behavior at dinner with Daniel’s parents. Way to make a good first impression, idiot! He’s right….she does need to grow up.

    I want to slap Amber and Farrah everytime I see their selfish, immature asses on screen, but I have to admit that without them (and this blog) the show would be a snoozefest.

    Great recap, as always, Patrick!

  30. Biscuit with a side of gravy Said,

    Amber driving a Lincoln…that was awesome. I thought you had to be at least a member of AARP to find the beauty in that car.

  31. Chin cysts Said,

    Did anyone else notice Farrah’s mermaid tat on her arm? At first I thought it was just a weird series of bruises (Debra’s back in town, ya know). But nope, definitely a mermaid. Wtf is she a sailor on shore leave? Is it a real tattoo? Or did Sophia draw on Mommy with nail polish?

  32. Kim's Purple Blazer Said,

    Long-time lurker, first-time poster. Yes, this show has finally driven me to post anonymous comments on blog, albeit a high-larious blog. Patrick you are brilliant as are your loyal band of commenters. You all make me laugh every week, and more than the actual show makes me laugh, which is saying a hell of a lot.
    I just feel the overwhelming need to comment on the number of drinks that were on the table at the diner when Catelynn, Ty, and Blonde Friend were having breakfast (breakfast!). I was completely distracted during that entire conversation, not that I missed much, by the 2 giant sodas, at least 2 mugs of something, and a bottle of purple-ish juice for 3 people. I just kept counting them over and over again. It made me simultaneously need to pee, go hyperglycemic, and have heart arrhythmia all at the same time. Now if you excuse me, I have to go study for my social working degree – keep up the brilliant work Patrick!

  33. Jenny Said,

    Patrick, this was one of your best recaps! I couldn’t wait for this today. These people’s stupidity level was at an all time high this episode.

  34. Biscuit with a side of gravy Said,

    I had to laugh, even when Farrah was trying her hardest to be outgoing and sweet, yet she still manages to cause a guy to run for the hills.

    I really wish they would have spent more time on what happened at the dinner with Daniel’s friends. One second they’re all sitting there and Daniel is being quiet, the next she’s walking back to the hotel. Too much got cut out.

  35. Meee Said,

    I also think lazy mazy was getting a tad bit jealous of Rhine having a new relationship. When 1 of her friends asked what dalis was like, she said something like “she’s alright, but I’m better”. The green in that monsters eyes at that very moment was almost blinding. Also, you’re right about how she’s been trying to party like a rock star.
    Jenelle has also been acting like a big time celebrity. I almost choked when she tweeted the other day that Ruby Tuesday’s “recognized” Keiffer and her so they sat them in the back so they wouldn’t get “bothered”.
    Does that mean that I’m also a celebrity? Because they also sat me where I requested.

  36. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    I think i read somewhere online that he basically dumped her off camera and she went back to the hotel afterwards. i could be wrong though….if this was true, i really wish it was caught on camera!! damn you MTV!

  37. Rehab Swing Said,

    Why do my comments never post? That gives me the sads. One last thing about Maci and Dalis/Rhiine… I too, am sure she’d been picking at Dalis forever, just like last week when she had the snarky comment on twitter about how people shouldn’t have certain conversations in front of children. I think Dalis came out looking pretty good though. Am I not the only one that thinks Maci is plotting to kill her in her sleep and then just sidle up to Rhiine and give Bint a sibling?

  38. butch goes to law school Said,

    oh,and on the previews farrah ugly cries again but pulls her hat down,like she knows this is a hot topic.as for amber,i get a contact high whenever her segments are on,catelynn and tyler just ask the damn school what degree youll need,it is their job..

  39. Farrah's Desperate Need For The Love Of A Man Said,

    So why couldn’t Cate & Ty just take some of the basic freshman requirements until they figured out whether to pursue social “working” or human services? Wtf. Bricks.

    And wow, Farrah’s segments were gold!! I was so embarrassed for her and I loved every second of it!!

  40. Darl Said,

    OMG Daniel’s tweets….. LOL @Imdanielalvarez

  41. Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,

    I have officially started skipping sleep to watch this show so I can read the re-cap in the am. I’ve got a fever and the only cure is more IBBB.

    This episode made me realize Amber really is better off in jail. It also made me realize the Leah is going to be “award” of the state because Gary is about 200 calories away from a heart attack.

    I also need to call BS on Tom-Cat and TyTy. There is NO way that they were ever planning on going to school. L.O.S.E.R.S.

    Can we please talk about Maci’s appearance this season? Why is she dressing like a homeless person with greasy hair and no make up? I would also like to know why the hell her new house looks like it’s being staged for hoarders!?!

  42. Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,

    I almost forgot about Farrah? IS SHE SERIOUS? I was getting major anxiety watching her behavior. My favorite line of the entire show was, “we have been dating for a month and a half, I’m not ready to get married”. MTV should ship Far-Far’s counselor to FL because she is seriously delusional.

  43. Daniel's infertile step mom Said,

    Amber- does she really think America believes she wants to see her child? I’m not buying. She needs a whole day to see one house? At least she’s still pretending. That ought to make Leah feel special!

    Maci- her hair must hurt from all the color changes.

    Catelynn- good Lord folks. As has been stated, take a frigging comp 1 class or something until you figure out this riddle of the sphinx. It shouldn’t take 5 months to decide. Flip a coin bricks!

    Farrah- Christmas came early! I don’t know what was more shocking: her short shorts, the ugly ring she spent over $50 on or being ditched in another state. Pure awesomeness. I’ll bet after she heard him call her immature on tv she’s plotting his death as we speak…

  44. Bitch Jungle Said,

    I am pretty confident that Destiny’s child is a dealer of opiates or is the girlfriend of a dealer of opiates and that is why Amber is hanging out with her. She has never been around before the drug problem. Those apartments were obviously section 8 housing. you want to reel people in that are addicts.

  45. Soph's red cowboy boots Said,

    i just have to say, daniel is my hero.

    i give him major credit for lasting as long as he did.

  46. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Bitch Jungle – That is exactly what I was thinking. I was thinking heroin or pills and that Destiny’s Child has to either be a supplier or a fellow user.

  47. Conspiracy Man Said,

    I thought Farrah has gone on record saying that she will not get a tattoo. Perhaps she got one thinking that the tattooed Danieol would want to marry her faster if she got one. I did not see the tattoo on the show.

    Although tattoos do not completely prevent someone from having a career in modeling, I am guessing that they would restrict the total opportunities that she would have. I doubt that there are any modeling opportunities that say “tattoo required”, but I would think that there are some that would say “can’t have a tattoo”. Since she is trying to get into modeling, I would think that a tattoo would make it more difficult for her, even though there are lots and lots of models with tattoos.

  48. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Destiny’s Child does not act like a friend would act to Amber. She acts like Amber is a customer or fellow user. Did anyone see any of the several side-eyes that she gave to Amber during their meeting on the show? It does not appear like they really know each other too well, and when Amber showed up at her place, she became much more incoherent and spoke a lot of nod-off gibberish.

  49. Bitch Jungle Said,

    Conspiracy Man – i remember reading something that said that Amber was addicted to Suboxone, which is sort of like methadone in the way that they try to wean opiate users off of drugs and replace it with that. but who knows if she is even there yet. All of this shiz happened last year already.

  50. Wednesdaystreat Said,

    First off, the recap of Ty Ty and Cate had me rolling! Brilliant! Second, I am now convinced that Daniel and his parents are just paid actors that MTV hired. They have to be, right??? Cause if not, Farrah is beyond help. That dinner scene was PAINFUL!!!

    I was cracking UP at Kim’s “sophisticated we’re here to talk COLLEGE” look!

    Maci is gross. But if Rii spit his chaw one more time, I was gonna hurl.

    Gary now cannot walk. Did anybody notice it was all chair this episode?

  51. The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass Said,

    Darl — or someone, please send my new boyfriend, Daniel, the link to IBBB so he can read this…I think he would get a kick out of this blog…I don’t do the Twitters or I would send it….I just read them but refuse to join myself for fear that next I will start watching Nancy Grace and start collecting Precious Moments figurines and cats.

  52. Biscuit with a side of gravy Said,

    According to Daniel’s Twitter page, Farrah and him argued and broke up before she left the dinner with his friends….MTV conveniently left that on the editing room floor.

  53. Biscuit with a side of gravy Said,

    The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass –

    Good idea, get that guy over here! Pronto.

  54. butch goes to law school Said,

    so i guess we dont get to see farrahs other boyfriend,the old guy..

  55. Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,

    Biscuit with a side of gravy – I get the worst visual after watching Honey Boo Boo!!! A gentleman greeter covered in lumpy gravy. So. Gross.

  56. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Door- It would be awesome to hear from Daniel on this site. I am sure Patrick woudl have some questions for him.

    Also – I am guessing that Daniel’s parents are normally pretty lighthearted and fun. In no way did Daniel try to warn Farrah that they may be a bit quiet, or serious or strict or anything else like that when someone is trying to prepare another person for meeting someone who may be difficult. I am guessing that the parents were silent and a bit freaked out because Farrah was so insane right off the bat. She must have made a horrible first impression.

    But still – Daniel was pretty ungrateful for the whole trip. He got to go shopping in all of the stores of Austin. What is not to love about a trip like that. Farrah even allowed him to have one quick dinner with his friends before returning to the main reason for the trip – shopping. How could he even have any grounds for complaining about the dream trip to Austin?

  57. Kyyyy's Shart Said,

    A girl I went to school with was eating with Farrah and Daniel! I should ask her how that whole scenario went!

  58. Amber's Friend NeNehCherry- Buffalo Stance Said,

    I’m as confused as Cate and Ty trying to figure out which degree to get about NeNeh Cherry and Amber. First of all, I thought she was just a random MTV pulled off the street last week. Now Amber is going to her housing development and discussing things on her veranda.

    Neneh Cherry’s voice freaks me out. It’s so raspy and a little southern. And she rubs on Amber way too much. So they go look at this house to make Amber cheer up? And didn’t Amber just tell Gar she’d get Leah that day, then go all apeshit on him when she decides to go look at that molester’s sex den with NeNeh?

    That molester looked like a human groundhog and he was way too nervous… I guess bc he didn’t have time to put away his blow up mattress and he couldn’t open the door?

    Oh and there’s a little water creek!

    What the hell is the deal with porch swings? Porchswings just pop up like PopUp Video wherever Amber goes. I was completely freaked to the out when Neneh Cherry patted the swing and said there’s enough room for Leah between us.

    She has this huge ass Superman tatoo on the back of her Buffalo Stance neck, too.

    Did anyone else notice Amber rambling about how she was supposed to have Leah today to the molestor? It made no sense. And it is so freaking easy to buy houses on this show. Just talk to your molestor/realtor and get the contract signed. Oila!

    Now for some rather sad news:
    It’s obvi Gary is now completely lodged in that chair! And with my Leah hanging up the phone on people each time he tries to call for help, how is his MILF gonna know to throw on her scrubs and come get him out?

  59. Let's Face it-Tyler is gay Said,

    I had to rewind the Farrah dinner scene to make sure I heard her right. Is she out of her friggin mind? Way to make a good impression on the parents by saying totally offensive and innapropriate things to the stepmom. Mabye she tried to have kids, mabye she didn’t want to, either way-Farrah is a moron for just assuming everyone should be popping them out like her. The stepmom handled it really well, I would have told that bitch off right then and there. It was like they were trying to keep a straight face for the rest of the dinner and afterwards the dad prob said to Daniel “throw this trashbag to the curb”. I can’t stand Farrah but still I was somehow embarrassed for her during that. Sophia doesn’t have a chance!

    Ambijikstan is the worst mother of all time, that poor kid wants to spend time with her and she can’t b/c she has “shit to do today”? Bitch go be a mom!! You were just in vacation-rehab for like a month. Gary is somehow fatter too. Didn’t think that was possible.

    Maci wants Rhiiine back so bad. “Ky” is such a tool. I can’t believe she asked him that question about her and Ryan being together and posted it on twitter. She is desperate to get him back and just trying to make him jealous etc. I’d be pissed too if I was Dalis! Maci needs to grow up, Ryan is done with her and her acne.

    Catelynn and Tyyyyyler are doing remarkably well I think considering their tragically white trash situation. However I am annoyed that no one on this show acknowledges all this money MTV is obviously giving all of them. Amber has no job, no GED, is a teen mom, and is driving a nice car and looking at big nice places to live. It’s not reality at all at this point. (Well I guess reality did finally hit Amber b/c she’s in prison!!) Glad the show is ending honestly. I want Bahhhbra and her little bitch of a daugtah back!

  60. social working degree Said,

    Farrah’s scene with Daniel’s parents was SO awkward. I could NOT believe she told his step mother that she missed her chance to have kids and would be a lonely bird or whatever. seriously WTF? that was pretty bad….even for Farrah. it’s like she did the opposite of everything she should have done when meeting a new boyfriends parents. I cringed the whole time.

    why didn’t Catelynn and Tyler ask a college counselor all of their simple questions? if they’re having this much trouble choosing a degree, I’m not sure how they’ll do once they’re actually in college. does anyone know if they’re currently in school?

    LOVED when Bentley said “baby momma drama” so cute.

  61. Soph's red cowboy boots Said,

    My question is, if Amber couldnt “spend time with Leah” on the day she said she would b/c she was house hunting…why cant Leah go with her to house hunt and combine both in 1 day? Is that not allowed in the crazy games they play? CPS rule? Me not understand!!

  62. Destiny's Child's Superman Tattoo Said,

    Did anyone else notice Amber’s friend (Destiny’s Child) had a giant Superman tattoo on her back? My husband spotted it and started freaking out. He is also convinced she is a he.

    I also thought the guy showing them the house was wicked creepy and possibly a child molester. So funny about the playground. I didn’t even put two and two together with that!

    Maci’s yard sale was so random. I’m assuming it was a weekday and late afternoon (if she had to miss her 4pm class for it). Aren’t yard sales supposed to be on weekend mornings?

    I was horrified at the dinner scene with Daniel’s parents. I didn’t think about Farrah being drunk, but God I hope she was! That was painful. I felt so bad for the stepmom. Even my husband (who doesn’t fully pay attention when I’m watching the show) looked up from his phone and couldn’t believe what was happening. He kept saying “Wait, this isn’t real, is it? This is a joke, right?”. I’m surprised Daniel or his father didn’t say anything to Farrah when she was being so awful to the stepmother.

    I was suffering so much second-hand embarassment for Farrah throughout the whole episode. I cringed at all the engagement talk. I was also screaming “RUN!!!” to Daniel.

  63. social working degree Said,

    sometimes I hate that Catelynn and Tyler are from Michigan. I went to college in Michigan and we DO have actual quality programs to choose from. the University of Michigan is a great school if I do say so myself. :) not sure what their town is like…but I’m sure anyone with even an associates degree is looked at as being extremely intelligent.

    my boyfriend watched last nights episode with me and asked (about Catelynn) “is she really a teen?” “she looks 40….what’s with her hair?” he then kept commenting over and over how awful her hair looked and how she needs to grow it out. he’s not a man that notices hairstyles much either. get a new look, Catelynn. perhaps Tyler would go with you to the salon?

  64. Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,

    Destiny – totally saw the superman tattoo chuckled. Where do they find these people?

    Did anyone see the shot of Ty-Ty driving the car in the most ridiculous get up yet? He was a cross between Justin Bieber and Samuel L. Jackson wearing a beret while at the same time looking like Anna Nicole Smith. Amaz. Ing.

  65. QueenofCorona Said,

    I’m a stepmom with no biological kids of my own. I’m 20 years younger than Daniel’s stepmom and have been asked similar questions, had the same idiotic comments thrown my way. Funny that she’s asking about being a mom and wanting more kids when her own kid is with Debra and getting ready to be shipped back to Iowa to live with gma and gpa. It’s ALWAYS the deadbeat douchers with the worldly advice.

  66. QueenofCorona Said,

    Incidentally, my name may as well be Debra cuz I’m full time raising 2 baby goos while their mom is out being a herpe to society, much like Farrah.

  67. The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass Said,

    Oh crap…Farrah is releasing more songs….Daniel, can you take one for the team and put something in her mouth to make her shut up? I just picture a man with a toupee playing a casio in a mall in the early 80s every time I hear her screech….ugh.

  68. no GED for me Said,

    Social working degree- I rofl’ed at the comment ‘maybe Tyler would go to the salon with you’ Good work.

    I hate how they are making the first semester of college thing seem like THEY are going for their second master’s. I mean, even Leah from TM2 could prolly google up a good list of classes to take to achieve the dream. I’m really gonna miss feeling better than them cause I already have my associates. And it took less than 2 years to get it (cough, Maci, cough) because I took dual credit courses at the high school! No GED for me!

  69. Husky Kitty Said,

    Patrick,

    Marry me. That. Is. All.

  70. Ambers Welcome Home Sign Said,

    In the words of my husband, “Farrah is the craziest bitch I’ve ever seen.”

    I just couldn’t believe the dinner scene. I actually had to rewind a few times just to make sure it was real.

    And oh my gosh, WHY has no one informed Cate and TyTy that everyone has to take 2 years of general education courses? Take those while you “figure out” what your degree needs to be. Oh yeah, I forgot, MTV thinks we are morons so they are attempting to cover up how lazy those goons are.

  71. Kim's Getting Nervous Said,

    I do not understand wtf is the big dilemma about the DEGREES?

    Seriously, can you just do us a favor and (Catelynn) go live w Honey Boo’s fam and (Tyler) go star in What Not To Wear with Clinton?

    Did anyone else notice that Kim morphs her appearance based on her surroundings? When they were at that high class French restaurant with her “work friends” she had her blow out, an executive pantsuit that I’m pretty sure Bette Midler wore in Big Business, and Butch’s law school half glasses. Yet back at the gated trailer park community when she busted in and ate all the pizza, she was wearing a man shirt with golfers on it? WTH?

    Also, why do they call it winter classes? Where I’m from the classes may start in the winter, but they go through May when everything has pretty much been thawed out for months.

    Why don’t they just call Monty for some advice?

    Why do they say “Brandontheresa” like it is one freaking word?

    And Tyler please quit saying you promised Carly stuff. She doesn’t remember, dude.

    Why is pizza the theme with them? Do they go to this support group for the pizza buffet? Sounds like Dawn is already using you, Catelynn, for free. No need to get that degree that may or may not be the right one and intern.

    OMG….Please shoot me in the foot!

  72. Spinster Step-mom Said,

    Oh forfuckssake! Instead of entertaining/amusing me, these days this show makes my blood pressure rise and I want to go freaking postal on somebody! Grrrrr…

    Husky & Tyrone — I seriously hope this is some faux-drama/suspense drummed up for the cameras and that you aren’t actually so confounded over what freshman classes you ought to take your first semester… and that it really never occurred to you to go see an enrollment counselor or career counselor at your school! gahhh!

    To make it easier on you, here’s what you should take: Remedial General Math 100, Remedial Basic English 100, Reading Lab, Study Skills Lab, and let’s round this out with Art for Early Childhood Education 100 or Phys Ed Basics — Bowling section. One superduper simple semester of basic prerequisites for classes for the rest of your likely nonexistent college career. Bottabingbottabang. Thank me laterz, dumbshitz.

  73. Spinster Step-mom Said,

    And p.s. Nope, I’m not a social working degreed person, or even a fancyschmancy counselor. I don’t even play one on tv! (though I’d like to, if only it didn’t entail getting a ridick hairdo).

  74. Twitter Twitter Tongue Click Yawn Snort Tweet Again Said,

    Can Maci please clean her house? It looked like a freaking tornado hit it after Bint-Knee left with the yawner.

    Why were Kyle and Maci watching a big screen on the couch that wasn’t even turned on at the end of the show?

    Where were her boobs this time? Can she take them off?

    Such pre teen trash putting shit on twitter. Are they 14?

    Again, she skipped her class. Really?

    Why does Kyle never leave the house any more? Is he on albino cartoon bulldog house arrest ?

    Loved the scene with all Tourette’s fam lying in the kitchen floor shooting the bull. Made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

    Does Jen give Rhine an allowance so he can go on dates with Dalis and buy her ring pops and such?

  75. Jess Said,

    So I love your re-caps. I did not finish reading this one… Farrah is out her mind and ridiculous but to say you understand why Sophia’s father “checked out” early was really mean…. so were the comments about Tyler and Catelynn…it’s not their fault their parents are trash! They did the right thing and no matter what type of degree they get at least their trying! k,,,that said,please make fun of everyone else because they all have so many things you can jab at! Love your blogs… was jus sayin :)

  76. The Chair Gary's Stuck In Said,

    Oh Farrah! I am not even sad that Deb wasn’t in this show but for a quick second!

    She so went clingy on his ass! Then tried to make it sound to Debra Who that she would not be talking to him! Ha!

    Daniel’s international parents looked confused. She was talking so fast. Was she on speed?

  77. Spinster Step-mom Said,

    Jeezusfuckinghell… how would one describe Farrah’s “songs”?

    I tried to think of the most generous way to explain to someone who hadn’t yet been cursed (erm… fortunate, haterz!)… to hear these gems…

    Digitalized 1981-ish background singers (I’m calling you out, Roger & Zapp… “Iiiiiiiii wanna be your mannnn”)… mixed with Kip’s Casio-accompanied lovesong (”stillllll love technologyyyyy…”)… sung via voice warp keychain from Spencer’s (broken & fluctuating between the Alien & Robot settings)… recorded on an old Panasonic micro-cassettetape recorder… played on a children’s Fisher Price cassette player then rerecorded via cell phone, played on speakerphone, and then further auto-tuned for good measuer…

    Eeep!

  78. human services degree Said,

    Pick me! Pick me!

  79. Swings Are Popping Up Everywhere Amber Goes Said,

    Neneh Cherry on Stilts obvi wants some of Amber! Superman is here to save Amber’s day!

    The molester/realtor/squatter who really doesn’t even own that house was way too nervous. Didn’t Amber think the mattress in the living room floor was odd? Oh no, wait, she has one of those in her crack den on the “bad” side of town.

    Neneh Cherry on Stilts touched Amber waaay too much. I’m not sure if Amber was crying bc she was scared of her or if she was just coming off the pills.

    It’s obvi that Gary is now officially STUCK in that chair. He did the whole episode while lodged in it. And Leah was no help hanging up on everyone he tried to call for
    help.

    Operator: 911. What’s your emergency?

    Gary’s chair: I’m having trouble breathing.

    Operator: What’s your address? I’m going to send some help.

    Gary’s chair: I’m not sure. We just moved out of a ski chalet. (moaning and creeking) Please help me.

    Operator: Hold on. I’m tracing your call. Ok. I have the address. Stay with me. Hello? hello? Sir, are you alone?

    Gary’s chair: (heavy breathing) No. There is a big guy and a little girl here with me. The big guy’s been sitting on me since we moved in. Sometimes the little girl sits on him. Please hurry, everything’s going black.

    Operator: Sir? Someone is sitting on you? Hello? Sir, I have an ambulance en route to your location. Can you hear me?

    Leah: I want a happy meal.

    Click. Dial tone

  80. Social Working Said,

    I am cracking the f up over the scissors/ destiny’s child lyrics joke. Seriously gold. Also gold? “Sadly this is the one Abraham that wasn’t shot in the back of the head.” Bravo!!!

    While I completely understand why you don’t bother with Maci’s recap, wtf is up with that family always sitting on the floor? Ryan is so lazy (and hot) that he can’t even sit up on the floor, he has to lie down.

  81. Heather Said,

    Wow, Farrah does look like a glo-worm! I always thought that was a reference to her excessive tanning and never really gave much thought to her face. They are like twins! I don’t know if it’s the puffy eyelids or the puffy cheeks. That is an awesome reference – too funny.

    Also, I thought Tyler was channeling more of a Joe Jackson type in his Cadillac with the fedora and giant sun glasses. And maybe velour track suit? I might be imagining that part; the whole thing’s a little hazy.

  82. Spinster Step-mom Said,

    Omfg Swings! Hilarious!

    That is one for an upcoming “Unbelievable Stories from the E.R.” and/or Hoarders and/or I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant! (why do I always want to say that in Cow & Chicken chicken’s voice? … “I wish I wuzz adooopt-ed!”)…

  83. Spinster Step-mom Said,

    Why do these episodes make me feel like I am hopped up on somethin’? And why does trying to recall various details make me feel like I’m coming off some huge bender? Hazy, indeed.

    I think my brain gets ahead of me & starts embellishing certain parts that I know I’m sure to read about on IBBB &/or makes me laugh w/ lots of accidental material, full of sheer comedic genius…

    Just me?

  84. Catelynn's Chewed off Fingernail Polish Said,

    I got kinda scared when Amber got behind the wheel in her hot rod Lincoln with the sweet seat covers and monogrammed tag whilst talking on her phone and zoning out in traffic. Still am. By the way, what exactly, is vandalization?

  85. April's Broken Toliet Seat Said,

    I’m so sick of all these bitches! Bring on Tern Mom 2!!!

  86. Wednesdaystreat Said,

    That is classic, Swings are Popping Up! LOL!!!

    And I agree. Destiny/Nenah Cherry is SO HOT for Amber!!! Some have said she may be her dealer, but whatever, she wants some Amber!

    I’m glad that whoever posted that their husband actually looked up from his phone and questioned whether the Farrah dinner scene was real, ’cause I DON’T THINK IT WAS ! That’s all MTV Magic right there, right??? RIGHT?????

  87. Lonely Bird Said,

    I loved when Catelynn and Dawn’s phone call got disconnected, how Catelynn laughed and said “That was weird!”, but neither of them bothered calling the other one back.

  88. Pee-shirt Said,

    HAHA! Just checked out Maci’s twatter page and one of her fans left a comment that goes like this : Maci is so real and natural all the time. She doesn’t need to wear makeup or be dressed up all the time. ROFLMAO!!! That’s not exactly a compliment, dummy!

    I think Nene may be Ambers sponsor. She’s too old to have a young ‘friend’.

    The dinner was painful to watch! Even my husband was like ‘what the hell!’ And he pointed out the fact that every time Farrah mentioned ‘engaged, wedding, ring, dress’ they cut to Daniel’s face every single time. He was actually clapping when Daniel never showed back up. Good for him!

  89. LisaP Said,

    does anyone know why baby goop’s dad’s family hates farrah so much? i can’t remember from the 16&preg ep, but i know people on here have mentioned it. anyone remember? – i mean besides the fact that she is a hideous human being.

    also, i remember in season 1 thinking rhine would leave maci in the dust. she was always whining and nagging him in such a pathetically needy way. not to take away from rhine’s p-o-shitness or anything. but maci – move on he was never into you.

  90. mirmonster Said,

    Really, no one has commented on Ryan and his entire family hanging out on the kitchen floor? Who does that?!

  91. DebraDidn'tAnswerBcSheWasAsleepAndSophWasPaintingStitch'sWeenie Said,

    I find it funny that Farrah has to narrate everything she does.

    “I’m buying these for my daughter.” Well no shit. I’m pretty sure the cashier inferred that. Or either she thought you had some sort of deformed body with tiny feet.

    I also find it funny that Debra Who actually did not pick up when she called to let her know she “had just finished packing.” Me thinks, actually me hopes, Debra Who had fallen asleep and Soph was painting someone’s dinky pink.

    Does Farrah not know anything about dating in real life? I think she picked everything on the list of don’ts if you want your guy to stick around:

    1. Don’t tell his step mom she’s a lone wolf bc she has no children.
    2. Don’t talk really fast to a Portuguese/Mexican/Algonquian-tehee/German/Croatian boyfriend’s dad while eating dinner and slapping your date on the back.
    3. Don’t buy yourself an engagement ring in the nastiest store ever. I could smell it through the tv. It smelled like Lysol and Virginia Slims.
    4. Don’t get in the middle of a lake on a peddle boat and tell your boyfriend of 5 weeks you need a commitment or he should break up with you.
    5. Take the hint when he won’t look at you and his life jacket is suddenly cutting off his airway that you, my glow worm, should sprout wings and fly back to Spring Break.

    I, too, was feeling vicarious embarrassment for Farrah! She cast a glim glow on all who are female and dating on this episode!

    Daniel suddenly had stars and longhorns on his arms. And I noticed a tattoo on Farrah, too.

  92. Social Working Said,

    mirmonster- I did!

  93. Heather Said,

    @ mirmonster – I thought it was weird at first, but I think it’s because they were all playing with the puppy.

  94. butch goes to law school Said,

    lisa,dereks family hates farrah because she wont let them see sophia,his mom even took farrah to court and lost.plus,shes a bitch and thats why they hate her.ryan and maci should totally have the sex,hopefully while at catelynns and tylers wedding and have maci knocked to the up again.yes,i watch too many friends reruns but like patrick,i feel maci and ryan are the ross and rachel of our time.

  95. OhLookALittleWaterCreek Said,

    Yes. Tourette and his fam on the kitchen floor was grossing me out. Tourette was laying there like he just got off a double shift at the local plant and couldn’t keep his eyes open, and his dad was sitting there next to the stove giving him good old fatherly advice about how to be a super dad. Then there’s his mom sitting over by the fridge playing with Bint-Knee and Dallis’s dog named NoNo (?). I bet after they all had a picnic dinner under the dining room table, Jen gave Rhine and Rhine’s dad their allowance and Rhine crawled out to the garage and laid under a four wheeler.

  96. TweetTongueClickYawnThreeTimesRightBlinkLeftBlinkTweetAgainSlapTheBottom Said,

    Am I the only one who noticed at the end, they showed Maci and Shit Stain watching a turned off big screen tv throught the window? Or maybe I was drunk off the box wine by then…

    Also, I’m really glad at the beginning, Maci and a random were sitting at a counter in some make up shop and she asked for some primer. Wonder if she skipped class to go there?

    Where were her boobs this episode? Did she take them off?

    Kye was weekend at bernie’s on us again.. All he does is sit on the couch in that room a tornado hit and watch a turned off tv or sit in front of a flat screen made to look like a computer.

    I was really hoping the camera crew would fim the yard sale. I was disappointed when they didn’t so I made up a top ten list of the things you might find in it:

    1. Some college books Maci never opened
    2. Some Pro-Activ still in the package
    3. An added bonus item- Green Tea Moisturizer
    4. Some shit stained men’s sweat pants
    5. Random opened bottles of hair dye
    6. Some stage 1 and stage 2 pacis
    7. A Waka Flocka CD
    8. A broom, mop, vacuum cleaner, and any other cleaning supplies- they obviously don’t use them
    9. the remote control to the huge big screen tv that they watch while it’s off
    10. a huge stuffed albino cartoon bulldog— “No wait, sir, I didn’t mean to sell that! Come back! That’s actually my boyfriend!”

  97. The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass Said,

    Whoo Hoo….Daniel, my hero, just gave IBBB a shout out on his twitter…..

  98. Riiiiine's new puppy Said,

    OH my Lord, I could not believe my ears when I heard Farrah insult Daniel’s poor stepmother. I can’t believe she didn’t go off. There is no doubt that Farrah medicated herself with lots of liquor before meeting his parents.
    Did anyone else think Destiny’s Child and Amber seemed to be acting like lesbians? It was all so strange the way they were sitting on the swing.
    I’m also glad this is the last season. It’s very entertaining but I can’t “bear” to see Gare Bear get any larger. It’s gross with those size Medium shirts. Uck.

  99. Spinster Step-mom Said,

    Tweettongueclickyaddayadda… I think Maci did take her boobs off. I suspect she probably has the fake breastesesplate like drag queens wear, likely the cheaper version you can get at Halloween stores. Or the implants dehydrated in the tanning bed.

  100. Spinster Step-mom Said,

    Daniel is the new Rhiiine (in-house hottie). Erm. After Patrick, mais oui.

  101. butch goes to law school Said,

    speaking of amber and the lesbian,didnt gary say one time that amber turned to the other team..or am i cray-cray?

  102. Social Working Said,

    I think what all of you are saying about C & T’s college storyline being fake is rightl. First I thought the really didn’t understand what a bachelor’s degree was (or actually… associate?) but now I think they are playing this off until the cameras stop rolling and then The Americas won’t know that they didn’t fulfill their end of the icarly bargain.

  103. The hilarity of my barren womb Said,

    I love you guys!!!

  104. The hilarity of my barren womb Said,

    Some days I can’t decide what’s funnier, the recap, the comments, or even the usernames. I was trying to discreetly read this whilst at work (ought to know better by now) and some of the names did me on. Butch Goes to Law School!!!… The Door Hitting Daniel in the Ass!!!… Let’s Face It- Tyler is Gay!!!… Social working!!!…

    Too.funny.

  105. The hilarity of my barren womb Said,

    I meant, “did me IN”. Whatev.

  106. Dora the Explorer Said,

    I haven’t watched the episode yet so I won’t comment on the show BUT I sent Daniel a link to this blog via Twitter. I hope he joins us!

  107. Wednesdaystreat Said,

    OMG! That would be the best! IF he indeed is not an actor. :)

  108. Dora the Explorer Said,

    Looks like he responded to someone on Twitter (possibly The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass) saying that the recap was funny. But I want him to comment!

  109. The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass Said,

    TweetTongueClick
    7. Waka Flocka CD….oh my god….it sums all these Teen/16 Preggos up to a t! They are all tattoooed wanna be rap stars….an entire generation of wiggers

  110. Joe's Rap Career Said,

    I absolutely loved Daniel’s IBBB Twitter shout-out. I say it every week but these recaps, comments, and usernames are just pure gold!

  111. Maci is a hot mess Said,

    Farrah is so incredibly awkward with Daniel! First of all she acts as though they have been dating forever the way she talks about marriage and kids and I am wondering why this seemly normal guy is still sticking around??? Then she tells his stepmom that she is going to be a “lone bird” at their first meeting! She looked at Daniel like who in the world is this chick. Then she didn’t shut up the entire lunch, she is so annoying and nuts!

    Amber is getting fatter by the minute. Her ugly hat (and SO funny it totally looks like Throw Momma From the Train) and then those ridiculous eye lashes. She looks like she is dressed up for Halloween every day of the year. And she is psychotic, she DID tell Gary she would take Leah the next day (she must have been on drugs and forgot). And I am sure the only reason that Leah got taken away was because “she lives on the bad part of town”, yeah the fact that you are abusive and went to rehab had nothing to do with it! And who is that Sara girl, is that her girlfriend?

    Maci’s yard sale is disgusting! She has all those clothes thrown all over a dirty nasty trailer.

    And Maci must have let Tyler borrow her Michael Jackson hat, I love how it is making the rounds…I bet Amber will have it next week. Catelynn is eating in very single scene this week…she probably should cut down on that!

  112. Teen Mom Ho Said,

    I about died when I came across this Teen Mom recap blog… Mama Fratelli? GENIUS. Please please please keep blogging. I love your recaps of Amber most of all… A LINCOLN? REALLY?

  113. Dawn'sIntern Said,

    Amber’s next car will probly be a Buick, the car of the elderly.

    Although I still think she is Roseanne, I feel she is favoring the lady from Throw Momma. No?

    Why have I not noticed Gary’s piercings before this episode? I wish he’d have those black earrings like Maci and Rhine, though.

    Can someone go throw some Wesson on Gary’s chair so he can shimmy out? And I miss Carol and Andrew. Gary’s house looks vacant, but I guess since he’s been stuck in that chair since he moved in, he hasn’t gotten a whole lot done.

    Amber’s molester/realtor might have been a shady acquaintance of “Sara” (formerly known as Steve). Perhaps he owed him/her some dough from a drug deal and he was trying to sell the vacant house he had set up shop in?

    “We’re just going to relax. Chill, today.” As he/she is rubbing on Amber’s back. Sick! And how does she “Know how Gary is?” Has she ever met him? I’m really not sure she has ever even seen Leah. Where is Krystal Meth? Where is Amber’s mom? Where the hell did this tranny come from?

    Didn’t Gayler, I mean Tyler, already start college last semester. Remember all his college buds and how he wanted to go to da club and then Foreheadlynn, I mean Catelynn, got upset bc she had a baby five years ago and she is a size 9 now (not) and so they ended up at their counselor in the basement of a pizza parlor I’m sure talking it out? But then it all worked out bc they went with all the gang, including Square Hair, and they danced the night away bumping and grinding foreheads.

    I was waiting on them call Monty for advice, bc it seemed he was the only one they didn’t ask about degrees (oh, besides the advisers at their college).

    I am as confused as Kyle when he reads a book with no pictures- Did Golfer Kim say she asked the advisers at her college about the degrees they should get? But then at the fine restaurant, Business Lady Kim was all acting like she worked with the two randoms (I’m pretty sure they were both extras in the adoption group scene).

    As if it isn’t bad enough that Catelynn says “Brandontheresa” all together, it gets on my nerves how she talked about the “degree they are going for” like they are going to share it. Am I the only one who heard that? Are they gonna split it 50/50? Is the college diploma gonna say Catelynn/Tyler?

  114. butch goes to law school Said,

    i cant get the twitter,anyone have a screen shot of what daniel said?

  115. The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass Said,

    Our man Dan did an interview w/EOnline basically calling out Farrah for the C U Next Tuesday that she obviously is…and the dude did it with class…slow clap..slow clap. You can get to it via his twitter.

  116. Lonely Bird Said,

    @LittleWaterCreek- I heard the puppy’s name as Moto, but I could be wrong. I assumed it had to do with Motocross (or is it MotorCross?)

  117. pro con Said,

    It’s NOT “ok to “do abortion” sometimes too”. and it’s even less OK to use murdering a baby for a cheap laugh on a blog. Not cool.

  118. Catelynn's Chewed off Fingernail Polish Said,

    Hey Caitlyn. “Brandntreesa” wish you’d go away.

  119. butch goes to law school Said,

    pro con,youre new here arent you?

  120. The Door hitting Daniel in the Ass Said,

    Butch goes to Law School…sigh, this was my fear…that the actual fans of Teen Mom would start coming to this site…ugh…

  121. No More D For Farrah? Womp Womp Womp... Said,

    Marsha Warfield? Okay, I’m dying. I had to stop reading and take a pause. Yo, did you guys catch that look that Tyler made when Catelynn said Social Workin’ Degree? He looked so disgusted. He’s done with her, not that he’s some prize, but its ovahhh…once that last paycheck is cashed. Daniel, was Farrah’s last chance. This is the last boy that never saw the trash claw. He finally googled Farrah and was like, this chick is cray cray…and sobered up. Yeah, I don’t care about Amber…yup. She can eff it all up and see if I care. Yes, thanks for not talking about Maci…what an annoying see you next tuesday. Okay done.

  122. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Pro-con. — Lighten up. Jeez.. If we wanted to argue political/ethical/moral issues, we would go somewhere else. I am sure that people or all different political viewpoints are represented here, and we all seem to be able to get along with each other and laugh.

  123. Conspiracy Man Said,

    It is refreshing to not hear the cliche and familiar red vs. Blue party arguments on this site. We are too busy having fun.

  124. Conspiracy Man Said,

    I did not think Farrah sounded drunk at the dinner. She sounded overly talkative, like some on adderall or some other amphetamine.

  125. alwayssunny Said,

    “Do you need a degree to picket abortion clinics? I was not aware.”

    hahahaha, seriously amazing. i stopped watching the show as i wish with all my heart that these four “moms” had been aborted. where is my delorean?

  126. Dawn'sIntern Said,

    I can’t wait to read Farrah’s book whilst listening to her Fisher Price recorded Casio CD. We should all go out to dinner at that fancy restaurant TylerCatelynn were at with The Degreed Duo and Kim and invite Daniel.

  127. No More D For Farrah? Womp Womp Womp... Said,

    yo….2 more concerns…did gary cut off a beard or something or did he gain like a 1000 pounds? WTF… LOL at the poster who said Maci was selling off her unused ProActiv…that girl better hold onto that for sure….

  128. Mon Seigneur Said,

    can’t wait til this season is over.

    love how everyone here idolizes dannyboy. um hello, he knew all about farrah. he dated her for weeks. he liked her enough to introduce her to his ENTIRE family/friends network. then suddenly she turns dipshit and we should look up to this guy for the way he let her go? looks like someone wanted his own tv-time! (cannot stand the way he tries to pronounce “texas” with a drawl..puke; and will someone tell him his texas-tats aren’t cool outside the stix?–texas lost!–it’s 1 of 50!)

    does anyone else find it slightly perturbing that bintly repeats every damn thing anyone says? he sounds r’tarded.

    shout-out to “debradidntanswer” for including “algonquian” in their post! haha. sweet.

    i’m glad yalls finally noticed amby’s new lincoln. for a minute there i thought i should take this shit over.

  129. DebraDidn'tAnswer Said,

    Thanks, Mon Seigneur. Welcome back.

  130. Social Working Said,

    Mon Seigneur… have you ever been around a toddler? That’s what they do.

  131. Abandoned Hotel Suitcase Said,

    I love how every time Tyler talks about his plans (e.g., “I want to go figure out school,” or something), Catelynn has to jump in and say, “Yeah, WE want to [whatever].” Tyler generally looks at her like, “you dumb bitch,” and proceeds to refer to himself as himself. Fantastic.

  132. Amanda Said,

    yawn, pro con.

    I also like that Leah calls herself “MyLeah”.

  133. Farrah's Random Neighbor Watching Sophia Today Said,

    Catelynn needs to face it. She wants it more than he does. He is so not into her.

  134. Mon Seigneur Said,

    pretty sure i learned to form my own thoughts before i walked into preschool! granted my mother wasnt tweeting all day, sopping the grease out of her hair with her fingers, and holding yard sales.

    thanks for the welcome-back, debradidntanswer! wow, this is what “family” must feel like!

  135. butch goes to law school Said,

    went on amazon..the reviews for farrahs book say it sucks…

  136. Snarlin'Darlin' Attorney at Law Said,

    I can’t believe I watched this hot mess again tonight. The gift that keeps on giving. Speaking of…Gary has posted a pic of himself shirtless riding a lawnmower on Twitter. You’re welcome for the warning.

  137. "the Gary" of homes Said,

    Hilarious! I fell off of my bed from laughing when I saw the pic of ambuhhh and her stunt double from the goonies!

    And I forgot all about monte! Lol!!!

  138. Fake Hypnotist (is also a Fake Psychic) Said,

    Ty and Cait are the most endearing–but in a creepy kind of “I’d -like-to-shake-some-sense-into-you kind of way . . .”

    Instead of master’s in social work or human services (whatever!), I can see them as spokespersons for a random pyramid scheme . . .

    These two do nothing but talk about getting an education while procrastinating and making excuses . . .

  139. Scopped Liver Said,

    Every time Ty or Cate said “social working,” it seriously cracked me up.

  140. $44 Dollar Baby Cowboy Boots Said,

    Spend that money, Farrah–throw it away with both hands!!

  141. Hot Pink Nailpolish Said,

    @Snarlin’ Darlin– Curiosity got me, I checked out Gary’s twitter. He may have borrowed Macy’s boobs for that hot pic!! Hahahaha

  142. eyelike2shout2badgetalifetrailertrash Said,

    VERY FAT GARY LIKES TO DRIVE AMBER CRAZY AND PULL THE I WANTED TO BE WITH YOU AMBER CARD. GARY GET BACK TOGETHER WITH YOUR MOM AND BE HAPPY..LEAVE AMBER ALONE! FARRAH WILL ALWAYS SAY THE WRONG THING AND BE ALONE EVER AFTER…SHE WILL THEN CALL HER MOM THAT SHE CLAIMS SHE HATES SO MUCH TO GIVE THE RUN DOWN LEAVING OUT SHE CHASE THE DUDE OFF FASTER THEN A 30-06 WOULD. TYLER STOP FRONTING JUMP FROM BEING A VIRGIN SOBER PERSON TO STR8 CRYSTAL METH USER ALREADY. YOU ALREADY HAVE ALL THE TWITCHES DOWN PACKED. CATELYNN YOU DESERVE BETTER. RYAN TIME TO FIND A JOB TEEN MOM ENDING SOON. NO HOPE4 U IF U KEEP CHILLEN WITH UR ENABLER PARENTS. SURROUND URSELF WITH LOSERS =LOSER. 4 ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY TO ME KICK ROCKS… YOU DON’T OWN THIS SHIT. BEEN HERE FROM THE GATE! BUT DON’T CLAIM IT. CALL IT LIKE I SEE IT . NOT LIKE I WANT SOMEONE TO READ IT!

  143. Not Goggles Said,

    I’m afraid my comment will not post.. I got a little carried away. These dumb a$$es just send me into an Amber-like fit of rage

  144. Not Goggles Said,

    Also next week Gary discovers Amby has a “boy-toy.” Poor NeNe, her pikachu will be so sad.

  145. Amber's Welcome Home Sign Said,

    I just wanted to let you guys know that all of you are the highlight of my otherwise boring week. We are one big disfunctional family. Oh, and pro-con, assuming you are new, nothing is appropriate here. And we love it.

  146. Farrahs Engagement Ring Said,

    Farrah killed me with he segment….but I enjoyed every.single second of it. Guess Daniel had enough of her biscuit in that hotel and month in a half!

    This is the third time I read this blog and I have got to say its pre genius! Its so chill and snarky!! I live it! The recap , usernames and comments. Exactly what I think but can’t day in other blogs without getting attacked by “fans” and but hurt people who feel your talking to them…anyways Im sticking to IBBB!! Lovingg it! (:

  147. tyler loves my -kuhl Said,

    Oh. My. God. Farrah….what the hell? I was so embarrassed and squeamish during her banter with her “future mother in law ” (yeah right!) I had to fast forward thru that scene! Horrible. Why would you say those things to anyone much less someone you just met!?! Holy shit! I have to admit I did feel bad at the end for her…..a little. She honestly had no idea what happened. And Maci is just a bitter bitch. Anyone else notice has taken an attitude of “yeah…..maci….uh huh….whatever…” Amber is a waste if skin. Cate and Tyler are annoying and gay…in that order.

  148. tyler loves my -kuhl Said,

    ***Kyyyy has taken an attitude of “yeah…maci…whatever…” that should have read….oops. …. @pro con: murdering babies for a cheap laugh on a blog is waaaaaaayyyy cool and hilarious to boot. Lighten up, francis. @eyeliketo…whateveryourname is: if you could keep the incoherent babbling down to a minimum, Amber, I think we would all appreciate it. K? thanks.

  149. Amber's Borderline Personality Disorder Said,

    Seriously Farrah? Seriously?!? I hate when I am embarrassed for someone on tv and I was for her. But not as embarrassed as when I heard her song, and I use that term loosely. If you have not heard it, do yourself a favor and listen.
    Amber is a hot mess and Gary should book Leah weekly therapy sessions until 2030 based purely on her being scared for life by Amber’s spider lashes.
    God bless you, Patrick.

  150. yawny Said,

    Really? I’m pretty sure “college” isn’t trying to scam you. If they said, “Those bows look great!” then I’d think you were onto something.

    Hahahahaha

  151. Maci's Skipped Classes Said,

    @alwayssunny – I’ve been able to keep my snickering at these comments to a minimum UNTIL I got to yours. The DeLorean?? Priceless. :)

  152. April's Broken Toliet Seat Said,

    I am so annoyed by Maci’s acne. It seriously gets worse with every episode. Proactive is constantly being advertised on MTV, so why can’t this bitch get an endorsement deal? Hook her up!

    I’m sick of these bricks. I want Bahbra’s bitch of uh daughta back. Like now >>>

  153. Amber's Footprint on Gary's Back Said,

    Maci has mastered the “I’ve completely stopped trying” look this season with her Mr. Magoo glasses and her tossled, no-makeup, I-just-woke-up appearance … EXCEPT in the one scene when she was going to bed. She had on her jammies and about 3 pounds of green eyeshadow.

    Also, Farrah answers questions after every episode on some mommy Web site. And while we collectively cringed and gasped watching her with Daniel’s step mom, she is completely puzzled and indignant toward anyone who criticized her comments/behavior.

  154. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Ky Shart- please get the 411 from your friend who ate with them-. Daniel said that the dinner with friends waswhere the relationship exploded.

  155. Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,

    Wait – when did Kye shart?! How did I miss that?

  156. Amber's Footprint on Gary's Back Said,

    @IsaacGS, he had a sh*t stain on the back of his pants last week when he was painting the cabinets

  157. Daniel's Life Vest Said,

    Is nobody going to mention the mattress in the mansion Amber was touring?!?! When she asked to see the master bedroom, he said, “I apologize for the mattress” and when they showed it…. WTF?! He must have been squatting in that house but you would think he would at least hide the evidence. What a weirdo, I think that was a murder house.

  158. Farrahs single one way ticket home Said,

    Farrah should know by now the number one way to scare a man off, is to be herself. Really she is a mess and I’m glad Daniel gave her the boot

    MACI- you are right Patrick..not much to say

    Amber. How the hell can she afford that house, if she can’t at least afford decent fake lashes and a good manicure

    Catelynn& Ty- I used to like you guys the best, but now TY is annoying and as the PP stated, lose the Justin Bieber look. He comes across like a little bitch..oh wait!

  159. MILF- Marriage isn't likely Farrah Said,

    Daniel did an interview with E news, it sheds much more light on what actually happened that fateful evening. Farrah is a vile, narcissistic bitch. As for that mommy blog, Daniel has mental heath issues? Pot meet kettle!

  160. the vest choking daniele Said,

    Just found these recaps. Where the hell have I been! I read everyone for every episode. Love the comments and whitty names. This is waaaaay better than any other recap. To bad tbe season is almost over. I’ll save my two cents for the next episode

  161. the vest choking daniele Said,

    Aww man I didn’t see @danieles ife vest. Sry we have almost yhe same name

  162. Bull Said,

    Cate and Ty have absolutely NO motivation to finish school.
    They don’t have a kid to raise so they don’t see the need to make better lives for THEMSELVES before they turn 50. Besides attempting to impress iCarly and hopefully get her back.

    Also, Farrah is the only one that seems to want to finish school. She just doesn’t want to be a mom at the same time.

    Maci is just lazy. Her and Catelynn and Tyler see MTV as their way to get out of a lot of responsibilities. They get money and get lazy. Farrah is at least trying to find more ways to make money.

    But for the love of Santa why can’t Catelynn and Tyler see that the money from MTV won’t last long, and that they could at least be attempting to get their general studies degrees while deciding what major they actually need to be in the fields they really want?

  163. Bull Said,

    None of these girls are capable of understanding reality.

    Their season of 16&Pregnant aired the week I found out I was pregnant. I was 18 and ended up graduating high school LATE, and 5 months pregnant. I’m barely older than Maci and geez I’m farther along in school and she graduated EARLY! I’ve graduated in one major and I have already started back in a different one and she hasn’t finished anything!
    What is wrong with these people?

    She has a house, a new car, and everything she needs. She can afford to send her kid to daycare, refuses to work, everything. Why can’t she just finish school? She has tons of time on her hands.
    While I’m working as a freakin cashier and I don’t make enough a week to send my kid to daycare, so my parents watch him, and give me hell for it, while I’m up till 1-2 am finishing homework after getting off work at 9:30pm and going to school from 8:30 am to 2 pm. COME ON PEOPLE!

  164. tyler loves my -kuhl Said,

    @daniels life vest: how did I miss the mattress?!? Murder house??? Maybe there are people who come to that house to spend thousands to kill people ala Hostel and people are offering big bucks if he can get Ambuhhhh….or he will try to recruit her to be a “torturer / killer “??? Hmmmmm.

  165. Crik Said,

    I have to think that the producers must hate Farrah. Why else showcase footage that is so inflammatory? I think Daniel explained his side with a lot of class. Imagine what he could have said about her. Instead, he said she’s a sweet girl and has a lot of growing up to do. Based on his twitter and E article, and her behavior that we saw at dinner, she deserved much worse.

  166. man tn Said,

    We are finding out regarding my own bachelors amount inside personal computer scientific discipline, so i can go on to getting a entrepreneurs amount. I’ve my own A+ in addition to Network+ accreditations, that i’m preparing to having Unix like, ‘network ‘ Safety, as well as the Ms accreditations.. . Am i able to acquire a job doing personal computer ‘forensics’ using this? Or even, just what exactly what’s do today to enhance my own prospects of purchasing a personal computer ‘forensics’ job?. . Bless you. A little bit of guidance: I actually much more encoding in comparison with nearly anything together with laptops, however , We are pretty good along with the non-programming end also..

  167. T*ts on a stick Said,

    This episode was awesome! As was the recap!

    Why would Husky Kitty (LOL!) and TyTy need a whole semester to figure out their degrees?! The first couple of semesters they would just be doing basic gen ed requirement stuff.

    And talk about second hand embarrassment watching Farrah’s scenes!

  168. Sophia's Amniotic Fluid Said,

    Just finished reading the Amazon.com reader reviews about Farrah’s book . . . from what the readers there share, I do believe Farrah must have pissed off her editors as it sounds like a trashbag rehash of her torrid teen years, complete with some revolting details and imagry that I hope to forget!! Yuck!

  169. Let's Face it-Tyler is gay Said,

    Obviously Farrah has pissed off everyone she’s ever met and they do hate her, including producers, editors, etc. I still can’t get over the dinner scene. The stepmom is my new hero for keeping her cool.

    When does TM2 start? Done with these bitches.

  170. Dora the Explorer Said,

    Is it bad that I find the spam comments the funniest? “That’s all I are able to say.” Also, congrats on attempting those “icey” waters IBBB!

  171. Wednesdaystreat Said,

    OH GAWD!! I did it, and I don’t know why, but I can’t UNREAD those reviews of Farrah’s book on Amazon! AAAAAAAAAAAACK!

  172. ANNA IS THE PREGNANTEST Said,

    Ugh…Farrah. I’m a stepmother with no biological kids and, while I do get the odd intrusive and tactless comment from people who think that my reproductive system is their business, most individuals understand that it’s a sensitive subject and keep their mouths shut. So I couldn’t believe my eyes when I read what Farrah said to Daniel’s stepmother – seriously, the girl doesn’t have a clue. Sophia will treat her exactly the same as Farrah treats Debra and Farrah is the one who will end up alone. Also, wasn’t she considering getting her tubes tied a season or two ago? Now she’s desperate for another Baby Goop?
    As much as I love reading these recaps and the hilarious comments, I’m looking forward to watching all four girls crash and burn when the series ends and the MTV gravy train comes to a screeching halt.

  173. ANNA IS THE PREGNANTEST Said,

    I just read a few reviews for Farrah’s book on Amazon and had to laugh at this comment from one unfortunate reader. “I am ashamed that I read this book – please steer clear and stop encouraging her.” Indeed!!

  174. yawny Said,

    I’m sure the fact that there was a matress was the real deal clincher for Amber. She felt right at home.

  175. yawny Said,

    **Mattress on the floor**

    Also, right before they go into the restaurant to eat with Daniel’s parents he goes, “THIS SHOULD BE FUN.”

  176. Pizza, and Pizza again... Said,

    Looking at Daniels reaction to Farrahs comments when they were having lunch with his parents and when they on the paddle boats , you just knew that Daniel was having non o’ that. Looks like no more “D” for Farrah…more bitchiness to follow.

    Poor Leah. That little girl is going to have sooo many issues to work through.

  177. Anonymous Said,

    “Maci-Had a yard sale.” hahaha I love the maci one sentence recaps.

    “After the fun email, mini April and baby Butch have to go to that God-forsaken Adoption Group meeting that Dawn seems to have 6 days a week. It’s like, adoption is great but this series is about to end so it’s ok to “do abortion” sometimes too.”

    YESSSS , I’m so tired of catelynn going to speak at all these adoptions meetings! can we get a new storyline..geez!

  178. I have a big problem Said,

    Two problems actually. I ve been reading this site & comments forever and was determined this would be the week I would weigh in with some comments of my own.
    So I took notes of things during the show. (just as I imagine Patrick does) and Wednesday morning packed the notes in my purse so I could post them after the recap was up, from my office…but then ended up actually having to do work at work and forgot. Now I lost my notes and have spent more time than I am.comfortable admitting looking for them. :(
    My second problem is that I have no life.

  179. Mon Seigneur Said,

    Problem– Simply add your comments first thing Monday morning when you get to work! After all, it’s a Monday!!!

  180. Justlikehoneybooboo Said,

    @Mon Seigneur, it’s called echolalia. It’s a normal part of toddler development. It’s one of the ways children learn language. It’s also a pretty common behavior in older children on the autism spectrum.

  181. Mon Seigneur Said,

    LOL @ honeyboo.
    Honey, I have a degree in “Teaching” (shout out to the Social Working majors out there!). Please please please don’t try to correct me.
    Echolalia occurs in childhood development (six to nine months), not in the toddler years!
    So like I initially said, he sounds r’tarded. Wasn’t a comment any of us needed to expound upon!

  182. Crik Said,

    How does Bintley sound “r’tarded”? I’m not actually expecting a rational answer coming from someone with a degree in “teaching” (why quotes??) who accuses a perfectly healthy infant of having a mental deficiency.

    I don’t even like kids and am easily annoyed by their behavior, but Bintley is probably the least annoying Teen Mom cast member. Considering his grannie is a conniving, passive-agressive fame whore who birthed the dumbest, laziest reality TV character I’ve ever seen — Bintley’s actually not doing too bad. (”He ain’t need no pre-school. Ryan, sweetheart, you ain’t need to be passing those language skills on to the next generation.)

    Just out of curiosity — are there any IBBB fans out there who like Farrah — or at least don’t hate her?

  183. Mon Seigneur Said,

    @Crik–
    Seriously? Bentley is 3-4 years old, NOT an infant; therefore, he sounds r’tarded. Repeating is normal for 6-9 month old infants when learning to speak. You really didn’t understand that? Stick to what you know. Whatever that might be.
    I’m not even going there with the “Teaching” degree (hey Social Working majors!) joke. Take some brain pills, dear. Or make notes next time you watch the show; God help you if you missed the 45 “Social Working” scenes.
    Ryan’s mom is hot. Don’t be jealous.

  184. Amber's Welcome Home Sign Said,

    Mon Seigneur – What 6 month olds do you know that are speaking, much less repeating?

  185. Mon Seigneur Said,

    @Amby–
    ones outside the trailer park *wink wink*

  186. Kick Mon Seigneur Off Said,

    @Mon Seigneur – Nothing like putting people down on a Teen Mom site. Sounds like someone need to get a life.

  187. Mon Seigneur Said,

    I suck :(

  188. Mon Seigneur Said,

    dear disgruntled trailer-park single mother,

    wow, really? use my name again and i’ll subpoena your a$$ to court.

  189. Kick Mon Seigneur Off Said,

    You’re not even worth it.

  190. Moron Seigneur Said,

    Wahhh I’m gonna sue you! Wahhhh!

  191. Kat Said,

    You must be an excellent teacher if you think a 6-9 month old can speak and feel comfortable calling a child retarded. I think even a first time mom knows that children dont start parroting until 9 month up and thats simple syllables. i.e dada, mama. And no I don’t live in a trailer park and I have two very gifted children. With Iowa test scores to prove it.

  192. BabyGoopHasEvilEyes Said,

    Man I sure missed this absolutely ridiculous argument over Bintley and his speech parroting. 6 month old babies do very little besides mimick noises, and most toddlers between the age of 18mos – 2 years are just learning how to put 2-3 word sentences together, for fuck’s sake. Bintley is (sadly) the most well-adjusted kid on this whole show and calling him retarded shows how idiotic “teachers” are and why our school system is down the drain. How embarrassing for you.

  193. ........... Said,

    Binlee really annoys me, i think he is so ugly with his overbite from his damn pacifier use..ugh ugly chilid….

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