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Aug
08

Teen Mom Recap: Butch’s Dream of Becoming a Lawyer

Posted by IBBB
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Time for another episode of “Spread ‘Em Young and Land on the Television.”  Before we get to that, please be sure to come back tomorrow where (yes) I will be recapping a new show, “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo” on TLC.  I like to think of it as a Teen Mom prequel.  Also, be sure to click on the “Recommend” button to share this recap on Facebook and join me on my own Facebook page whilst you’re at it.  Click here!

Catelynn – Unfortunately Catelynn has to work at DOTS fixing up fake jewelry to sell to “the poors” so she is unable to to make it to Butch’s arraignment.  She is also unable to lose the baby weight from 2 years ago.  She is also unable to stop looking like a Japanimation Hello Kitty cartoon come to life.  There is a lot of “unable” with her.  Nevertheless moreover however and thensome Tyler, April, and Kim are all able to attend court to see Butch in person after he was arrested for treating April like a human pinata.  Ole!  Instead of candy coming out of her forehead I assume it’s cigarette butts and Twisted Tea bottle caps.  Oh, and blood of course.  Duh.  If you’re a complete loser like me you made sure to pause the court room scene a few times so you could look around at those in attendance.  Obviously.  Kim forgot all about her makeover from a previous episode and was sporting her tight perm and black leather jacket with 80’s shoulder pads.  She looked as rested and joyful as April when it’s time for her to go to work.  I jest.  I’m sure she doesn’t work.  There in the sea of blurred out faces I was able to see the following:

  1. Man will wet curly bangs
  2. Man with mullet
  3. Person with “dungaree” jacket
  4. Woman with black scrunchie
  5. Woman with white sweatshirt with Tiger from Winnie the Pooh on it (look closely)
  6. Lack of ambition everywhere

At one point I thought I actually found Waldo but it just ended up being another prisoner in stripes.  Tricky Waldo!  Anyway, Butch finally walks into the court room, taking little steps in his tan prison sandals, shackles and orange jumpsuit.  Everyday he’s shuffling.  Of course he also had his half-glasses and rat tail, but that goes without saying.  I’m sure he uses his rat tail as whip to “get sexy” with his cellmate.  His cellmate plays the role of Santa and Butch plays Rudolph and the rat tail is used as the reins.  But you knew that already.  Oh, and Butch looks pissed.  I’m not sure why since he’s dressed like a backup dancer for a terrible J Lo video.  April looks so stressed out/cracked out that her forehead is about to bust at the seams.  Although that may just be because Butch caused that when he was taking her for a ride all around the trailer and made the final stop into the bathroom wall.  I mean, they’re like cave people.

Since Butch is “sans brain” he decides to fulfill his life-long dream of becoming the next Star Jones and decides to represent himself in court.  The judge informs Butch that it’s extremely foolish to represent himself, but Butch continues on the path of bad decisions and confirms that he will go at this without actual legal representation.  Truth be told, Butch has been in jail and courts enough to probably know how this goes anyway.  However, the best part for me was when Butch addresses the court and asks the judge to transfer him to a different jail so that he can…wait for it…wait for it…lick your rat tail…wait for it…wait for it…use the other prisons “law library” so he can “do some research.”  Ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it!  I mean.  Of all things.  I immediately jumped up off my couch, high-fived myself, and tried my hand at a little break-dancing.  I failed, but I still tried.  Kind of like Butch, in life.  The judge states that due to Butch’s insane criminal background there is “no way” he’s letting him out of jail.  Ty Ty side-eyes the camera hard and April gives a look that lets us know she truly has no idea where she is right now.  I mean she’s dressed like she’s waiting in line for Space Mountain so maybe she thinks she’s at Disney World?  You know, like at the Hall of Presidents or something?  Butch then shuffles is way out of the court room and we’re all left wondering if we’ll ever see him again.  I mean, I know I will because I’m planning a Teen Mom road trip across the United States, but the rest of the population may not see him again.

Later Tyler fills in Catelynn (not literally) about everything that happened in court and is freaking out that Butch will rep himself.  Ty actually says, “You’re going to represent yourself with your rat tail and your mullet?”  Um, yeah.  Obviously his rat tail will “object” and his mullet will cross reference the witness.  Duh.  I thought everyone knew that’s how it would work.  Guess not.  In the end, Catelynn chews on her gross fingers a bit and chats it up with April, who decides to give up the sauce for good.  April admits that she doesn’t want just one beer…she wants all the beers that are around until they’re gone.  I’m sorry and that’s a problem because…?  Oh wait.  I get it.  As April is talking to Catelynn about going to an AA meeting our beloved Butchy-Poo is calling her over 13 times.  How?  Isn’t he in jail?  You can just make as many calls as you want all the live-long-day?  I mean, even the Brady Bunch kids had phone rule when Mike Brady installed a payphone in the living room.  Anyschlitz, April does in fact go to her AA meeting and Cate goes with her for support.  April is a renewed woman and is so excited to be sober because she really wants Brandon and Teresa to let her one day see iCarly.  Oh April.  That will never happen.  iCarly and crew are probably halfway to the moon after watching this episode.  Just stick to your Twisted Tea’s…in moderation of course.

Farrah – Is it too late to give up Baby Goop for adoption?  What a little sh*t she’s being in this weeks crapisode.  Farrah seems to think that Goop is the devil himself and whilst I typically agree isn’t she just being a typical 2 year old?  Things kick off with Sophia not wanting to go to bed and then constantly sneaking out of her room to see what Farrah is up to.  I loved how when Sophia was sneaking through the house they were playing tribal music the whole time.  It was like the opening credits of the Cosby Show those seasons when they got extra ethnic.  You know the one.  Farrah doesn’t have any time for Goop’s sh*t because she’s making flash cards for school so she can ace her exam of knowing what temperature to cook chicken at.  Later Sophia ends up throwing a marker directly at Farrah’s head (from 5 inches away) and then slaps Daniel on the leg.  She is certainly Debra’s granddaughter.  I’m sure she her assault and battery tendencies are genetic…as is that terrific underbite.  Daniel gets all involved in the “parenting” and immediately helps put Sophia to bed.  Had she not had her pacifier cemented into her mouth I’m sure she would have said to him, “B*tch you ain’t my daddy!  My daddy is in hell!”  I assume hell because anyone who would do the naughty-no-no with Farrah pre-boobs and pre-braces must be part of Satan’s work.

Later, since Baby Goop has officially turned into a semi-tanned Chucky doll, she used her markers on her bedroom walls and Farrah immediately calls her sister to let her know she may want Debra to take Sophia back to Omaha for a month or so.  Is she for real?  She keeps telling her sister that this is a lot harder than she thought…but it will be a positive thing for Sophia to live with someone else for one month and then she can come back.  Yeah.  Because at the end of the day we all know how children hate consistency in their lives.  Ms. Gulch ends up calling Debra to propose this “solution” to her and while we can’t see Debra’s expression we can just assume she is smiling trash claw to trash claw.  How busy can Farrah really be?  I mean, she has time to go to Austin, TX with Daniel for a week and I think she’s only taking 3 classes a week.  Perhaps she’s not “appreciating art” as much as she should?  What a real shame that she’s going to ship off her daughter for a month.  Between all the different babysitters, dates, and houses that Sophia spends time with I’m sure she’ll be turning tricks by age 13 and looking for love in all the wrong places.

Debra finally makes it back to Florida and looks easy/breezy when she gets off the plane.  Her mom jeans are hiked up halfway to her boos and her hair is feathered and blowing in the wind.  To sum up, she’s a dream come true.  She barely looks like someone who’s made Michael’s life a living hell just hours before.  Debra is all excited to go out for dinner in order to meet Daniel in person so she is sporting her standard little black cocktail dress and high heels.  Let’s just all assume she has a butcher knife strapped to one leg and a flask strapped to the other.  She’s dressed perfectly to help Sophia “go poop” on camera.  Of course, since Baby Goop already shows signs of a serial killer it only makes sense that she starts to poop in her underwear before she jumps up on the toilet.  Debra scolds her, but I’m sure if the cameras weren’t there she would be rubbing Goop in the poop.  See what I did there?  In the end, they all go out for dinner and Debra asks Daniel about his ten year plan and if he really is committed to Farrah.  Debra keeps saying that her daughter is a “brilliant business woman” but she’s not mentioning anything about her daughter being a “teen slut who lucked out with a tv show and magazine endorsements.”  Maybe they edited that part out?  Farrah sends Daniel outside with Sophia so she can Debra and chit-chat like highschool girls on their period in homeroom.  Debra claims she likes Daniel (predator) and thinks that this is the happiest she’s seen Farrah in a long time.  Well I mean, she filled her prescription for d*ck and isn’t seeing any bad side effects yet.

Amber – Amber is doing so well since she completed her stint in rehab.  I’m joking.  She’s one pot-pie away from self combustion.  The creepy case worker, JJ, calls Amber to see how she’s doing and we learn that Amby-Pants sleeps all day because her meds “take her down” and if she doesn’t take her meds she’s a crazy person.  I say just put her on a enough tranquilizers to take down a charging rhino and place her on a rocking chair on the front porch.  No?  I think it would do wonders for her.  And why does she keep saying that the court won’t allow Leah to stay with her over night because of the vandalism that people do to her house?  If that was the case wouldn’t all the kids in the projects not be allowed to stay there?  As if things can’t get any worse, Gary comes over to drop off Leah (or pick her up, I’m half asleep like when Amber is forced to parent) and also drop a deuce in Amber’s toilet.  He’s freshly shaved which makes his extra chins really pop on camera.  And he looks like he just came from the drive thru (any drive thru…all drive thrus) so I’m sure he’ll do some damage in there.  Amber, of course, freaks out that he’s done that and then starts yelling at Gary because he keeps on leaving the state and not telling her.  He’s been to Tennesee and that really gets Amber’s goat.  But nothing make her more upset than not knowing why he’s been to Illinois.  Of course, since Amber is pre-GED she pronounces the “s” in Illinois and says it like “Illinoisss!”  She must be the dumbest b*tch in prison these days.  And why is she so surprised Gary is going to various states?  I mean, when a new Applebee’s opens up he’s going to go.  Who else’s hands can easily fit into those giant scissors to cut the ribbon?

Later we get to take a tour of Gary’s new home.  I miss the ski chalet already.  This new home has white carpeting throughout which really is going to absorb all the Taco Bell that will be dropped on it in each and every room of the house. I have to admit I’m only half paying attention, but was Gary talking to his MILF about putting Leah into school so they can potty-train her?  If Gary isn’t the most qualified person on sitting on a toilet for hours at a time, I’m not quite sure who is.  Leah probably just needs someone to train her on how to get off the toilet if and when you ever become stuck.  Obviously, hiring a crane company to be on standby is surely your best bet.

I’m not sure what really has happened, but next thing you know Amber is sitting in front of Gary’s MILFs home to get Leah and no one is home so she is shaking and crying and having an actual mental breakdown.  I love that we get to witness this.  She ends up going home and crying hysterically on the ground.  I’m sure the camera crew must be really comfortable filming all of this.  Suddenly during her fit the doorbell rings and one of the old members of Destiny’s Child arrives.  I was hoping she was going to have an impromptu performance of Bug-a-Boo or Bills Bills Bills but, sadly, she did not.  This chick, Sara, may or may not have been on something whilst trying to calm Amber down.  She should have told Amber to throw her pager out the window, tell MCI to cut the phone calls, break her lease so she can move because she’s a Bug-a-Boo, a Bug-a-Boo.  She could have put Gary’s number on the call block, have AOL make he emails stop because you buggin what? You buggin who?  You buggin me!  And don’t you see it ain’t cool!

In the end, Gary’s MILF ends up dropping off Leah at Amber’s and Amber is going to give MILFY Claus a stern talking to.  Carol claims she didn’t answer when Amber called because she didn’t have her new phone number and Amber claims that Gary needs to give her new number to Carol.  It’s strange because as Carol is getting scolded Amber seems like she’s speaking calm and clear and isn’t freaking the F out like she usually does.  Perhaps Carol and her prison glasses and scrunchie has a calming effect over Ambjikistan?  It’s amazing to me that through all this Leah is typically happy to see Amber.  I wonder if she has much fun visiting her in prison?  I know I would.  And by “would” I of course mean “will.”

Maci – Bint-Lee got a wiffle.

Well that’s that.  Click to join me on my Facebook page and help free Butch from the clink!

Teen Mom Episode Rating: 4 Butch’s Prison Sandals

butch-prison-sandals

151 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

  1. IBBB Said,

    Like this blog post? Well then join me on my Facebook page and let’s get to talking!

    http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Varone/1591687454

    and follow me on Twitter because that’s always a treat:

    http://www.twitter.com/ibbb

    And how about Pinterest?

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    Ole!

    -IBBB

  2. your left ovary Said,

    I only got to watch like five minutes of this because my husband came in the room and was like “If you want to watch trash, I can just hold off on taking the garbage out. We’ll take the lid off, make you some popcorn, and set you up a seat.”
    My garbage can doesn’t have acne, plastic boobs, or devil eyes though. I didn’t mention this because he’s a smart a$$ and would make it happen.
    Anyway, thank you for filling in the blanks.
    Bring on the comments to fill me in on Maci’s oily, skanky self!

  3. Leah's Happy Meal Said,

    I knew when our beloved Butch decided to go all L.A. Law, you’d rejoice! As did I. As did we all.

    And Farrah, you slut-faced ho-bag, you and your Oompa Loompa sister claim that Debra is the anti-Christ who ruined your lives, but she’s your go-to for extended baby-sitting care? I think Farrah is just hoping Debra & Goop off each other in some sort of trash claw duel. Win. Win.

  4. samantha Said,

    LOL! Love that you didnt even mention Maci this week!!

  5. Scooby Said,

    Seriously, will you marry me? I’m already married but if we all move to Utah I’m sure we could make it happen. You can be my snarky as all get out, hilarious as hell, full of 90’s trivia blogging husband, and I still get to keep my every day husband for…you know..conjugal visits and such.

  6. Scooby Said,

    Now to comment on this week’s crapisode: did anyone else notice that Amber pronounces “crayons” like “crowns” and “procrastinating”, ”procrusting”? Verb: Procrusting. Definition: What certainly happens in Gary’s pants if he doesn’t make it to Amber’s toilet fast enough after hitting up the White Castle on his way over.

    How is Leah’s hair STILL in her face even with her hair in a ponytail? And when did Bint-lee get a British accent?

    PS: I wish you would have commented on the diner scene with Tyler’s family, where his trashbag sister is rocking a pearl necklace with a wifebeater, like she’s the queen of the trailer park all of a sudden.

  7. Conspiracy Man Said,

    The review was better than the show.

    Farrah is probably the most hypocritical person I have ever known to exist. After all of the crap she gave her mom about not giving up her evil spawn, she does a 180 and instructs her mom to take her back. During the phone call you could just imagine the evil grin on Debrah’s face.

  8. Chin cysts Said,

    Gary was looking extra plump in his tight orange t-shirt last night. And I thought Butch was the only one who could rock that color!
    You know he couldn’t wait to unleash those 12 tacos supremos he stuffed into his face into Amber’s john. Amber probably chose to go to jail because she couldn’t get the smell out of her bathroom after Gare bear got through with it.

  9. Jenny Said,

    Farrah is so disgusting, now that parenting is getting a little tougher she decides to send Sophia away? Who does that? She’s a mother, Sophia is her responsibility. You don’t just pack up your kid for a month when you get sick of them.

  10. your left ovary Said,

    But Jenny, how is she going to have time for her and Daniel with that pesky offspring running around?
    It’s like she’s saying “You’ve ruined my life! Here, help me ruin hers too.”

  11. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    I couldnt believe after all the s*it Farrah gave her parents about leaving Soph behind- “shes my child/my responsibility”- she then decides to ship her home with Deb for a month or so. How many episodes did we watch about her fighting with her parents and insisting Sophia must come with her to FL. She is such a moron– really. I cant wait for Dr. Drewski to dive into this topic on the reunion show!

    And i must say, poor Daniel. He seems semi decent and normal. Thank God they are broken up by now.

  12. If Catelyn and Teresa's Hairlines Meet Said,

    Amber’s eyelashes were extra extra ginormous last night….she made me think of those giant doll heads that came with make up kits that pre teen girls used to play with…like I don’t know if she could not keep her eyes open because of the meds or because of the 6 pounds of gook on her lids and the lashes that looked like ninja stars that she could whip off and hurl towards Gary in a fit of rage. I saw some interview with Daniel where he said what you see on TV with Farrah is what you get..she ain’t acting and that is why he dumped her. He also said she would keep Gremlin shut up in her room so they could party and do the naughty.

  13. Jenny Said,

    I also thought Maci was a bitch to Ryan when he picked up Bint-lee.

  14. Heather Said,

    Also, did anyone notice when Amber was on the phone with her therapist that there was a TON of gray eyeshadow on the left eye and just a “little bit” (well, for Amber) on the right? I thought she had a black eye but it was makeup that had been purposely applied like that.

    Reminded me of Cheri Oteri’s old SNL character whose makeup was always half on and smeared everywhere because, if memory serves, she had a purse stuffed full of pills. That seems so prophetic now.

  15. Scooby Said,

    And what’s the deal with the Whos’ residence? Do they live in Iowa or Omaha? I love how right after Farrah told Deborah on the phone “take her back to Omaha”, the little sketch pad showed a post card saying “Council Bluffs, IA.” Seriously, MTV, get it together!

  16. Brenda Walsh Said,

    Does anyone know if Farrah still lives in Florida? I am ashamed to admit this, but I actually want to read her book when it comes out in a few weeks. Should be a real shit show.

    Why oh why did Catelynn tell April “of course” Brandon and Theresa will someday let April meet Carly? Is she completely insane or was she just trying to be nice to her mom? I mean, I think it will be a miracle if Cate and Ty even get to see Carly again.

    Maci didn’t really get too annoying this episode, though it was SUPER awkward when she told Ryan she and Ky had bought a house. That scene was weird. I actually was more annoyed with Ryan’s girlfriend telling Bentley he should just live with his daddy and nagging Ryan to go for joint custody. Ryan has been saying he’s going to do this for about 2 and 1/2 seasons now – I think he’s just too lazy to actually fill out all the paperwork. Also, based off Maci’s and Ky’s Twitter accounts, it seems they are back together. Anyone know if they still live in that house?

    Lastly, thank you for that Bug A Boo lyrical moment. I was snorting laughter at my desk, hoping none of my coworkers noticed.

  17. Brenda Walsh Said,

    @Scooby – I believe they technically live within the Council Bluffs city limits but are within minutes of Omaha. Like Council Bluffs is right on the border or something? I remember that ill-fated trip to the Omaha Zoo when Michael’s car broke down.

  18. Brenda Walsh Said,

    Oh, forgot to mention Amber’s pronunciation of Illinois with the S firmly tacked on at the end. Dear Amber – you live in Indiana, which is within a 20 minute drive from downtown Chicago. How can you not know how to pronounce it? As someone who lives in Chicago, I cringed when she said that and my fiance cracked up. She’s so ignorant.

  19. Tyler is Pony Boy Said,

    “B*tch you ain’t my daddy! My daddy is in hell!” BEST line of the recap! It made me laugh so hard I had to use my inhaler (loser).

    Ugh and GRRRRR! What is with Farrah having Sophia’s new “best friend” (or, as Sophia will likely call him/them when she starts therapy 20 years from now, one of her “uncles”) put her to bed?! The level 2s who live in Rapeville with Farrah are probably circulating a “babysitter” sign up sheet as I write this! I better not see bestie taking care of Sophia’s bath time or I am seriously going to lose my shit. Protect your f’n daughter and quit handing her off like she’s the frickin bong at a party. (I wanted to use all caps and an “!” after each sentence, but didn’t want anyone to think I was Amber posting from “the gel” in that special voice reserved only for the sweet nothings expressed to Gary … but in my head, I totally heard my thoughts in freakylashes batshit crazy balls to the wall momma’s kickin some ass voice. In.My.Head.)

  20. Illinoizzzz Said,

    Amber’s eyelashes are going to need their own zip code soon

  21. MBK Said,

    I’ll admit, I was a little confused when Nene Leakes showed up to console Ambjikistan.

  22. Hachet Face Said,

    I loved every minute of the courtroom scene. I especially love how Kim attended. I bet she re-permed her hair and got dressed in her favorite shoulder-padded “leather” jacket just to fit in with the white trash court crowd.

  23. Tyler is Pony Boy Said,

    Hubby joined me for 15 minutes of the show and made the following observations. This can be a guessing game – see if you can match his comment to the right person. Make sure you’re ready to tackle the challenge though – it’s probably a lot harder than taking “the GED” and we all know THAT requires at least 3 years (and counting) of “studying” to prepare for the “exam”. See, it sounds fancier if we call it an exam, like it’s smart college thing, instead of “a test”, which in Teen Mom usually implies either EPT or the thing that forces people to find clean donors so they don’t drop dirty and get sent back to gel. With that, I give you my hubby’s commentary as a first time watcher … now guess (by simply picking “C” as the answer to each):

    1. Hey, it’s Pony Boy. (Outsiders…anyone? Bueller? Bueller?)
    2. Is that a teen mom? She looks like she’s 40 years old.
    3. Wow – that is a HUGE forehead. (ok, this one could apply to more than one person)
    4. Why is his hair like that? That tail is gross. Why doesn’t he cut it off? Yeah, he looks like he has alot of experience with lawyers. He failed a trailer park background check?!
    5. “Your guy Patrick” thinks SHE is a MILF?! (clearly my words did not convey the proper sarcastic tone when this person came on screen … and I love how Patrick is officially “my guy Patrick”)
    6. That guy is huge.
    7. Why do her eyelashes look like that? Why is she crying like that? She chose five years in jail?! Nice hat.
    8. How do you know she had sex with him?
    9. What is a trash claw?

    Ole!

  24. KittyKat Said,

    I can just see the YouTube video of Butch breaking down while doing his “every day I’m shufflin’!” dance. I also loved how at the diner, Ty Ty’s lovely white trash sister was not only sporting the wife beater and pearls, but there were Nascar photos by their booth. I mean, if we had ANY doubt about their white trash-ness, it has been shattered.

    Oh, Farrah, I’m glad Daniel got the EFF away. He is wayyy too good for that. She needs to find a quiet old dude with money who will just take the abuse because he’s lonely and needs attention. Seriously. Girl is kinda hopeless. And Goop scares me shitless. I had nightmares.

    I knew you would point out Amber with her Illinoisssss. I wonder how she says Des Moines… I live near the grand ol’ IL and DSM and it drives me nuts when people say it that way. Same with Missouri (my lovely home sweet home) being said Missouraaah. But I digress. She’s a lost cause. Poor Leah.

    Maybe there will be some Maci drama next week. Preview showed her doggin’ on Dalis (did I spell her ridiculously stupid name correctly??)

  25. your left ovary Said,

    I’d google Pony Boy but I’m scared of the results I would get. Especially since I’m at work.

  26. Illinoizzzz Said,

    @ Tyler is Pony Boy

    1. Just googled pony boy outsiders, and YES! Tyler is his doppleganger.
    2. Cate?
    3. Gotta be April
    4. Duh
    5. Carol without her makeover. He would get it if he saw her sexy self last week
    6. Geeeaaarrryyyy
    7.LOVED Amby’s hat! Was hoping Patrick would mention it
    8. Farrah’s new attitude
    9. Debra

    Awesome

  27. KittyKat Said,

    @Scooby and Brenda Walsh, Council Bluffs and Omaha are only separated by a river. So, those who live in CB consider themselves a suburb of Omaha (if it’s city enough to have burbs…)

    Also, kudos to IBBB for busting out some old school Destiny’s Child. So THAT’s what Michelle is up to these days!

  28. your left ovary Said,

    Goop freaks me out. Sneaking out of her bed and all. Can you just imagine those demonic eyes peering at you from the side of your bed in the middle of the night?
    And then in Danny Torrance’s finger friend voice in The Shining “I’m hungry”. Yeah, I’m sleeping at my mom’s for the next week now.

  29. Scooby Said,

    I can just imagine all of us loser IBBB followers collectively googling “Pony Boy” at our desks whilst we are supposed to be working. And yes, Tyler is TOTALLY pony boy.

  30. Scooby Said,

    Ah, so that explains it. Thank you everyone for clarifying the proximity of Council Bluffs, IA and Omaha, NE.

    I, for one, am sans geographic knowledge and so didn’t realize that Iowa borders Nebraska. Maybe you need an executive MBA to know that.

  31. The Stain on the Back of Kyle's Pants Said,

    Am I the only one that thinks that Gulch back handed Goop when the camera was turned off? She and Daniel/Michael both looked like they wanted to beat the bag out of her when she started acting up.

    Also, did anyone else notice the huge stain on the back of Kyle’s pants during the scene where they’re fixing up the house? I seriously thought it was a shit stain…

    Oh, and for a moment there I thought Ambah and Gary’s sexpot mom were gonna get into a WWE style smackdown on Ambah’s kitchen floor.

    Great recap as always, Patrick!

  32. Chin cysts Said,

    I don’t follow the Twitters, but I read somewhere that Gary tweeted to President Obama asking him to pardon Amber and get her out of prison. And offered to have dinner as a thank you. I’m sure the Prez has better things to do than go to Cracker Barrel with the Dan and Roseanne of Indiana, but perhaps not. Perhaps. Not.

    IllinoiSssss.

  33. donna Said,

    the stain,yes i did notice.i too thought he crapped himself.should have used ambers bathroom.

  34. Accutane Said,

    where the f**k does debra live? Gulch goes from saying Iowa one minute to Omaha the next wth

  35. What's Pre-school Said,

    @Brenda Walsh
    Yes! Chicago here too. When people pronounce Illinois like that, I like to say “I’m sorry, there are two?”

    Also, did anyone notice what Farrah was studying? I paused it when they had a shot of her text book. I saw in bold letters “HIGH BALLS” and then the ingredients for a High Ball. Man, I shoulda’ gone to college in FL.

  36. donna Said,

    yes,gary asking obama for help is big news now..the economy sucks,its an election year but yes barack will have time to break bread with gary,that is if gary lets him have any food.farrah is still bitchy but still has that post sexy time glow.dalis seems hell bent on getting bentley.is she infertile or something?

  37. Lindsay Said,

    Butch looks like a wild animal. Literally. A wild animal with that rat tail and scowl on his face.

  38. kim's perm Said,

    im not surprised at amber pronouncing Illinois wrong, she said crowns instead of crayons last week

  39. Trash Clash Said,

    Farrah’s priorities are out of whack. Her daughter should be ahead of some random boyfriend. If she has no time in her life to concentrate on school then the boyfriend should go, and the poor dog who is locked in a hamster cage 23 hours out of the day should be given a better chance at life in a different household.

    Sadly I see this as being an issue down the road when Sophia is much older. Always put behind mom’s boyfriend. When she acts up….just slap on a stamp and mail her off to grandma for a month or so until it’s convenient for Farrah to take her back.

    Maybe Farrah shouldn’t be attempting a singing career and writing a book that is destined for the bargain bin. Once again….Sophia being left in the dust. Get ready for Sophia Abraham, star of MTV’s Teen Mom in 13 years because she made the mistake of looking for love and a affection from some loser boyfriend due to her having mommy and daddy issues.

  40. Catelynn's Chewed off Fingernail Polish Said,

    If you do only one thing today, Google “Finally Getting Up From Rock Bottom”. Listen and enjoy. You’re welcome.

  41. Amber's Straightjacket Said,

    Ummmmmm….Anderson, Indiana is about a 2 hour drive to the Illinois border. Give it a rest Amber.

  42. butch goes to law school Said,

    i love all the names you came up with so i made up one for myself.

  43. Joe's Rap Career Said,

    I can’t believe I missed this episode! Seems like I’m in for a real treat….@Pony Boy, your comment was hilarious, as were the others and the fantastic recap!

  44. Anonymous Said,

    I can’t believe I missed this episode! Seems like I’m in for a real treat….@Pony Boy, your comment was hilarious, as were the others and the fantastic recap!

  45. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    I feel like i just abused my ears and my brain by listening to farrahs new “song” (if you want to call it that).
    Its horrendous….just awful. I was hoping it was a joke…but, no, no…i think its supposed to be the real deal.

  46. Devil eyes Said,

    Googled pony boy, definitely Tyler. Also looked up Farrah’s song, what in the hell did I just listen to? I honest to god watched 3 different videos because I thought someone had taken the song and auto tuned it to be funny. She is seriously a joke.

    I’m so glad everyone else noticed the Illinoissss and kyle’s shit stain. Also what does Gary do that he can afford that nice house? I really thought all his money went to McDonald’s. If his shirts get any tighter they will just explode off of him. I honestly feel bad for the shirts.

  47. Ashley in NC Said,

    I am PUMPED you’re recapping Honey Boo Boo!! Thank you!!

  48. Shannen's gap Said,

    “Everyday he’s shuffling.”
    “Obviously his rat tail will “object” and his mullet will cross reference the witness. Duh.”

    I DIE!!!!!!!!!!!!

  49. If Catelyn and Teresa's Hairlines Meet Said,

    Proud to say I for one, did NOT have to google Pony Boy and this is now my favorite name on this board….spectacular….

  50. Debra's Black Control-top Pantyhouse Said,

    Of course we all knew Farrah would end up getting so “busy” at Spring Break that she would definitely need a little help from Debra! I mean the random babysitters need some down time at some point to cook some meth and go see their parole officers, guys.

    “Um, Daniel, take Sophia outside so I can talk with Mom.” Is she confused and think he is Stitch? I can’t believe he did it. Maybe he wanted to insure another night of silicone boob feeling and the abyss of her cold, icy cave of a gentlemen greeter?

    I’m waiting for him to fall asleep while Farrah is making flashcards about Fairytales or some shit and Sophia sneaks in and paints his dinky pink. That would be some funny shit!

  51. Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,

    Baby Goop is going to kill Farrah one day.I’m calling it now.I laughed so hard imagining Debra’s face when Farrah asked hber is she would take it for a month.And I loved how nice Farrah was when she called her asking for that little favor.Forget adoption.Is it too late for an abortion?

  52. Gary the World Traveler Said,

    Ok… I’ve said it once (using a different name) and I’ll say it again…. Leah is like 6 feet tall all of a sudden. I saw her riding that rocking horse and she was practically standing up. Have I been watching this crap for like eight years or what?

    I so thought Carol was gonna really get it from Ambuh. But I guess that bottle of Dayquil (that Ambuh left sitting on the table by the couch) had kicked in and calmed her down a little. Either that or she was accidentally hypnotized by Carol’s side ponytail aswayin’.

    Ok… Carol how did you talk to Ambuh on your trac phone not two minutes before you told her you didn’t have her new number?

    I’m wondering if Gary is going to all these states because he is vacaying with Andrew (it’s amazing the places you can go with the Hover-Around! Even the Grand Canyon.) or if he is selling Kirby vacuum cleaners door to door (and of course having to ask to use random people’s bathrooms on the regular).

  53. Is Amber's housen Said,

    I have to admit when Amber’s doorbell rang, during the scene where she was having convulsions from coming off the Dayquil (but played it off as being upset MILF wasn’t home with Stilts), I thought it was gonna be Krystel-Meth, but oh no! Even better!

  54. Is Amber's house number 227? Said,

    continued from above- posted before I was done-

    Enter a new random friend- I can’t quite place who she reminds me of! She’s so tall and sort of southern. Did Amber meet her at GED class? Or at the driver’s license office?

  55. I Want All the Beers Said,

    Did anyone else notice when Maci was bringing Bentley out to Ryan’s truck, Bentley asked who was in there, and Maci said “That’s Dalis”. Bentley then asked “What’s she trying to do?”. For some reason, that just cracked me up. I love that kid! Oh and I totally noticed Ky’s “sh*t stain”, too. Hilarious.

    How about in the Farrah dinner scene when Goop yelled “GIMME THAT!” and Farrah was just like “Oh you want this?” and handed it to her like it was perfectly normal behavior. I have a 2-year-old, and she has something called manners. Sophia is going to be an asshole just like Farrah, and it’s obviously Farrah’s fault. The bedtime nonsense is ridiculous too, as is the DVD player in a toddler’s bedroom. That poor girl is starving for attention. Quit being so lazy, Farrah. (and learn how to properly buckle your kid in the car seat while you’re at it).

    Amber pronouncing the S in Illinois made me cringe, but didn’t surprise me. Gary blowing up her bathroom was gross.

    Oh and Patrick, I was losing my sh*t at the Destiny’s Child reference. So funny! Excellent recap, as always. Wednesday morning is the highlight of my week.

  56. Anonymous Said,

    I was in heaven when I was watching the court scene!!! It was classicly staged just as I had hoped!

    I felt so proud looking into the audience and seeing among the Pooh shirts, Member’s Only jackets, and banana clips the group of Butch’s supporters, sitting there just as if he were making his debut on Broadway!

    How proud they must’ve felt when he asked for that transfer to a place with a more law book friendly prison library collection (probably from Time Life). I mean, he could be a modern day Abe Lincoln, teaching himself law and all!

    I’m guessing years of having the tight Oglivie have damaged Kim’s hair and it just won’t stay relaxed, how could it with all the stress of court dates it has had to witness?

    I think this might have been the first full body shot I have seen of April. When the Butch support group was walking out of People’s Court, I noticed April’s whole outfit- I guess because it was a back shot, her forehead didn’t take over my brain…She was sorta normal dressed from the waist up but I swear she was wearing acid washed Jordache skinny jeans and white high tops unlaced.

    It’s a shame Catelynn couldn’t make it to this court debut bc she was busy at the 4 star trailer park enjoying the free wi-fi with one of a hundred dogs sitting by her head. Was she googling “men with rat tails who are dads” when Ty A Yellow Ribbon walked in with the reacp and harsh words about Butch’s rat tail and mullet not being able to defend himself?

    Boy, I think Ty Dye is getting a little high on his horse lately… I mean a few weeks ago he was busting a cap all on Kim’s perm and now he’s critical of Butch’s rat tail and mullet? Really, Ty Bo? Where would Butch be without that rat tail? He uses it for a leash for SuitCase!

  57. Jenny Said,

    I love all the commenters’ names, especially Gary The World Traveler and I Want All The Beers!

  58. I Want All the Beers Said,

    Also, why does Gary need a preschool to potty train Leah? I find that very strange. Just potty train your kid already! It skeeves me out watching her get her diapers changed. She is SO BIG now!

  59. April's Beer Breath Said,

    The random “friend” of Amber’s was obviously yanked off the street without explanation. Her wide eyed, “Who dis bitch???” look was priceless.

  60. Rehab Swing Said,

    First off , this review had me practically rolling on the floor laughing at work! OMG. The show sucked, so I basically had it on in the background while I was making my own ‘flash cards’ so I didn’t see Kyyyyy’s sh*t stain… that means I’m gonna have to watch the damn thing again.

    I pretty much wanna barf at all the Cate & Ty lovey scenes. How DOES he do it when she sits on his lap? Again, WHY are they on this show? I can see it the first season, but after that, really? How is Teen Mom about parenting Butch? I mean, I’m not arguing it’s not TV gold, but we might as well have had Butch and April for the show and seen little snippets of the other two rats.

    Anyone that follows ‘the twitter’ see the Maci/Ryan/Dalis feud? Maci is huffy that big D had the custody convo with Bint, then Rine starts bitching about double standards. You know, back when this crap started about 2343 years ago I was on Maci’s side, but now… I’m switching parties.

  61. tyler loves my-kuhl Said,

    What a craptastic episode! Let’s see….. Butch: well his ‘brilliant’ plan backfired….uh I’ll represent myself and the judge will have to let me out to go do some learnin’ at that place where they keep all the lawyerin’ books. What an idiot! Did anyone else notice at the post hearing breakfast Kim said butch never hit her or any other girlfriends? Guess Ape was asking for it. Farrah: what a brat goop is…good Lord! I loved the implied question at the end of farrahs voice over. “I can’t ask Daniel to watch sophia for the rest of the semester…..(can I) . Is her boyfriend or the goddamn nanny?!? Maci: Anyone else notice with bint -lees shaved head he looks exactly like Kyyyyyyyy? Exactly. Mimi better get a dna test right quick! Ambuhhhhh : good God she’s a mess. Maybe if she had shown one eighth of the interest in Leah a few months ago she wouldn’t have to bitch at gearrrrys mom to find out “where her damn kid is!!!” I was really hoping gearrrys mom decked her!

  62. tyler loves my-kuhl Said,

    Oh…and I forgot…the pacifiers…holy Christ! Enough already! I bet the orthodontists where farrah and maci live are in a bidding war over who is gonna get the five grand needed to repair those buck toothed brats grills. If goop is old enough to understand “don’t poop and pee in your diaper ” she is too old to have a paci. Kyle junior can operate a four wheeler by ‘hisself’….ditch the damn paci! Jesus.

  63. licking my rattail in the corner admiring your forehead Said,

    Ok…

    I knew Kim’s blow out wouldn’t last…. Years of tightly permed Ogilvies just don’t relax- could be due to the stress of all the court dates it has had to endure.

    I felt so proud looking out into the crowd of Memer’s Only jackets, Pooh shirts, and banana clips and seeing nestled there in the middle Butch’s support group! Brought a tear my eye.

    I guess this is the first time I have seen a full body shot of April but it was enlightening, yet not surprising… From waist down was she wearing acid washed old style Jordache skinny jeans and stark white LA Gear high tops? It for real took me back to junior high and made me want to jump rope with my friends to Mickey. I guess I’m always so mesmerized by her forehead and this was a back shot so the rest of her was cklesrly noticeable.

    And what is up with Ty A Yellow Ribbon lately? He sure is on his high horse about people’s hair. A few weeks ago he was busting a cap on his mom’s perm and now he’s frontin on Butch’s rat tail and mullet defending “hisself”. Get a grip, Ty Bo, I don’t see Nick or River dogging you about your side cocked NY Yankees hat with the sticker of authenticity still on the underside of the bill! I think Ty Dye just needs to do what Farrah did so he can be happy again.

    And next week’s preview looks interesting- was I dreaming or does he say school is too much and he wants to quit? NoOOOOO! The world needs you as a counselor for wayward boys!

    It was a shame that Cate couldn’t make it to Butch’s court date bc she was sitting in her 4 star trailer googling “rat tail mullet dads in jail” while a random dog sat above her head.

    And for goodness sakes, quit trying to sit on Ty pewriter’s lap! The poor boy’s legs are gonna snap like a twig before too long, then you will HAVE to build that ramp to the door you’ve been meaning to build for River!

    Another thing- It’s obvi that you repulse Tyme to Come Out more and more. There’s just no spark (unless April is lighting up a Salem 100 in the background). The only fun times y’all have is when you are trying on outfits together.

    Where did the white Trailblazer come from Cate was driving when they left AA? I’m almost sure it wasn’t April’s. I see her as more of an old Supra with a hatchback type. Or perhaps an El Camino.

  64. chavonnc Said,

    LOVED when Gayry said it stinks in there and Amber got all pissed off. Hilarious! Then Tyler saying about Butch ‘if you know the law so bad, why do you keep breaking it?’

    Alot of one-liners this week! And Farrah, boyfriend does mot mean babysitter.

  65. Get Your Sucky Said,

    I cannot believe no one else has mentioned the fact that Farrah told Sophia to get her “sucky”. Geez Farrah, we know you have sucky on the mind but don’t transfer that into your daughter’s language!

  66. Conspiracy Man Said,

    I did some research and discovered that last summer, Gary was travelling around the country to various strip bars. I am guessing that this is what Amber is so angry about. Last summer (when this show was filmed), Gary had dropped $5,000 in one night at a Miami strip club.

    Also – I am a licensed attorney, and I don’t even do criminal felony cases (stick within your area of practice). I would never represent myself in any case, even within my area of specialty. The results for Butch will be a train wreck if he continues to represent himself. He will wind up getting a maximum sentence and spend additional years in prison that would be completely unnecessary.

  67. slappie jones Said,

    @scooby: hey! Hey now…just because these recaps are the highlight of our collective week….and we all high five ourselves when its finally posted…and we all have shrines next to our tv’s dedicated to Patrick / IBBB…and…uh…we read this when…uh…we are supposed to be working…uh..shit, you were saying something about losers? Carry on.

  68. butch goes to law school Said,

    i know they said one time kyles mom thought bentley was his and wanted a dna test.i dont think they ever took one but bentley looks more and more like kyle everyday.

  69. Kyle's Sh-art Said,

    Kyle says less and less…. I think the producers think it is best. But I did notice him doing a long yawn while talking to Mace-me.

    Bint-knee was cracking me up when he kept getting out of bed and Mace-me said “Binty I’m tored.” While Kyle was laying in the bed shirtless (gross) like he was sick of waiting on the kid and the camera crew to fall asleep so he could shart all over Mace-Me.

    The black cabinets looked like shit (Kyle’s) and I didn’t see or hear any reference to her’s or Bintley’s schoolin this week. I think she should just sign up at Bint-knee’s preschool and take the honor’s plan bc I’m sure it’s a little bit harder. She could be editor of the Preschool Gazette.

    I bet they even have a trade school plan for Ryan so he can have hands on training on repairing battery power Little Tyke’s jeeps and four wheelers in the playground area. They’d probably make him do his hands on training during naptime bc his constant sniffing and tongue clicking would keep the kids up.

    Dalis, I feel as if your name is making a mockery of Dallas, Texas. I guess now you feel you have the right to make Ryan “pursue his rights” as a parent? Well, when he pursued Maci’s motorcyclke riding fire crotch, I think he should’ve thought about his rights then… It’s his right to get off his ass and sniff his way to a job and yawn his way out of his enabling mom’s garage. You know his parent’s are paying his child support. Last I checked, the pay for snorts, yawns, and excessive blinking is below poverty level!

    Cheese and whiskers, Ky, pick up some adult diapers and enroll in Bint-knee’s preschool, which also serves as a day home for the elderly.

  70. j Said,

    @kitttkat
    It sure is enough to have ‘burbs. I live here. Be nice.
    People in Counciltucky are not claimed by Nebraska. They’re backwoods trailer trash.

  71. Sophia's Sucky Said,

    Did anyone else notice what Farrah was calling Soph’s pacifier as she was hunting around for it at “bedtime”? I could have sworn she was was saying “Find your sucky!” and then pulled it out from under the couch. Gross.

    I agree about Bintley looking like Ky with that shaved head.

    I always feel bad for Ky when Maci so obviously sweats Rine right in front of him. Did you notice how depressed she seemed after Rine picked up Bintley? She came back inside all defeated, telling him “Rine and Dalis got a puppy”, like she was talking to one of her girlfriends.

  72. What's Pre-school Said,

    Whoa..WHOA..I googled Farrah’s “Finally Getting Up from Rock Bottom”. Is this real?? What is going on? I feel like I’m watching The Ring auto-tuned or something..

  73. slappie jones Said,

    What also confused and pissed me off was farrah complaining how expensive babysitting is, yet, dumped off goop to go pick the brats grandma from the airport! Uh hello? Trash claw talks a good game but we all know she is only there to see “bay -beeeeeeeeeeeeee “.

  74. The Table Sophia Slept On Said,

    Do you guys really think Ky & Benny really like that much alike? Other than the dirty blond hair & blue eyes, I just don’t see it. That kid has Maci’s puss ten times over!! Poor thing.

  75. Champagne4Breakfast Said,

    Random thoughts: wait now what did Farrah’s shirt say in the first scene?, Daniel is really a nanny and where does Bint-lee sleep when he is at Ryan’s house aka Ryan’s parent’s house?

  76. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    I think Benny looks like 95% Maci and 5% Ryan. Although, i can see how he could pass as Ky’s kid! Both are very fair skinned!

  77. April's Beer Breath Said,

    I didn’t notice Farrah’s shirt, but I did read the sign on Sophia’s bedroom door: “Sophia’s Room. Enter by MY rules” or some such shit. Farrah is SO gonna get what’s coming to her in another 5 years or so, if that long.

  78. Hachet Face Said,

    I can’t wait until 20 years from now when Baby Goop writes a book.

  79. Hachet Face Said,

    Also, I bet Gary’s MILF is dying to know where the lady in the courtroom bought her Tigger shirt.

  80. Illinoizzzz Said,

    Farrah’s shirt said something about sex but i couldn’t get the whole thing.

    something like the secret to good sex or something…

  81. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    i think it said something like the secret to good sex: birth control…or something like that?! could be wrong.

  82. Get your sucky Said,

    I am almost certain that the lady in the Tigger shirt is Gary’s MILF!!

  83. butch goes to law school Said,

    bentley looks nothing like ryan,only slightly maci,kyle could be his twin,mark my words in 10 years benny will need blood or something and the truth will come out.

  84. The S is silent bitch Said,

    Being from the lovely state of IL I am always fuming on the inside whenever somebody (usually a very hilbilly somebody) pronounces the S in Illinois. Just made me hate Amber more than I already did, if such a thing is possible.

    n a lighter note, excellent recap. I busted up laughing in bed this morning when I pictured Butch shuffling. I bet he’s practicing in prison right now. I hope he is.

  85. Conspiracy Man Said,

    I have always thought that Bint-ley looks more like Kyle than Ryan. This suspicion is compounded by the fact that they keep changing the details about the Maci/Kyle relationship. At first, they were going out for the first time after she left Ryan. Later, she claimed that she cheated on Ryan with Kyle at some point in their relationship. We really have never had a solid timeline on when they were doing what.

  86. from Kentucky Said,

    I live in far western Kentucky across the Ohio River from the southern most tip of Illinois and I and everyone in this city groaned and cringed when Amber mispronounced Illinois. The only time in my life I ever heard it pronounced EllieNoise was when I lived in California. There were no hillbillies there….

  87. T*ts on a stick Said,

    Awesome recap as always! Now lets see if I can remember everything I wanted to comment on.

    I love how Farrah’s dog was wearing a shirt — it was pink to match his peen!

    Poor Bintly has a shaved head to match witih Frankenberry. And speaking of Frankenberry, I really did Not need to see all those shots of him shirtless in bed!

    Was it really necessary for us poor viewers to have to hear the toiled flushing after Gary (aka the Great Pumpkin) dropped a shasta Mcnasty at Amber’s house??

    Carol was all dressed up for her camera time this week!

    How does that gloriously fluffy mullet braid down into such a skinny little rat tail??

    Geez, Farrah is sure quick to pass off the child-care duties to poor Daniel. And you could totally tell when Farrah thanked him for putting Goop to bed that he was just waiting for his sexy reward.

    Catelynne is hardly even on this show anymore, its all Tyler and Kim and Butch and April. Not that I mind. At least not the Kim, Butch and April parts.

    Speaking of Kim and Butch, why is Kim still so interested and concerned with what Butch is up to? Aren’t the long divorced? Why would she she even bother going to to his court thing? And why is she always talking about poor Butch and his problems?

  88. The S is silent bitch Said,

    EllieNoise huh… that’s a beauty. I find it very funny that no one mispronounces Arkansas as arr-kan-sass like it is spelled. At least I’ve never heard it. Lol

  89. Wednesdaystreat Said,

    I DEMAND a huge paci/sucky burning and soon! It’s INSANE how these kids still have them–just pure laziness! Probably the same consistency that leads to them getting out of bed every two minutes. GRRRRRRRR.

    Goop is horrid. Farrah deserves her. Big. Although, it’s all Debra’s here soon. And we know what kind she turns out, so watch out world!

    Amber’s new friend—hilarious!! I about peed my pants re: that part of the recap. What was with her (Amber’s) new headgear? Weird! And yes, one eye had on make-up and the other was 1/2 on. Pretty.

    Butch in the courtroom–priceless. That is all.

    The preview for next week does look juicy. Tyler is dropping out?? NOOOOOOOOOOO! You are SO kidding me! And Maci finally lets out all her pent up hate for Dalis who is taking her place under Ry.

  90. Don't taze me bro! Said,

    So glad that I found a blog that sums up EVERYTHING I feel about teen mom. Anytime I would comment about how trashy Tyler and Catelyn were people on other blogs would tear me to shreds!

    At first I thought Tyler just wanted to run away from Catelyn because she looks like an alien, but now (thanks to all his hair references) I know its because he prefers male companionship.

  91. KittyKat Said,

    @j
    No offense meant to CB or Omaha. I have friends from CB, so have visited many times…though by “visit” I mean we went to their parents’ house for a moment then went to Omaha. I mean, did I see my first tranny hooker at the first place we stopped in Omaha? Yes, I did…but our hotel was a rather scary Econo Lodge and this was at a nearby gas station. The zoo, however, is freaking amazing. As is the Mexican food at Michael’s downtown. (A different Michael than our poor abused Michael, I’m assuming)

    Also, after rewatching the episode today, is anyone else put off by Dalis? Her very nasal/back of the throat voice mixed with a southern accent is just AWFUL! Also, I would be PISSED if I were Maci and my ex’s gf was asking my son if he wanted to come live with daddy. That is NOT their place and that is not how you talk to your significant other’s kid!

    Holy Crap…after all this time HOW did I miss the Disclaimer at the bottom of the page?! Holly shit!!! bahaha! That’s gold. IBBB- if someone does sue you, call up Butch and Conspiracy Man…together maybe they can protect you!!

  92. Butch's missing crack pipe that April so obviously found (and used on court day) Said,

    Love the post recap threads! What was our lil hillbilly Maci-Gray doing wearing a Waka Flocka Jersey? Something tells me that isn’t her genre, maybe Ky told her it was a good idea to look cool.

  93. Sophia's Sucky Said,

    This crapisode/recap was hilarious. First off, Butch saying he was going to represent himself was priceless. And for Christs sake, I’m surprised Tyler didn’t suffocate and pass out when Cate was on his leg. Barf.
    Maci is bricks and annoying as shit.
    Farrah is such a little whore. And Jesus take the “suckys” out of their mouths!
    Ambypants needs some serious help. But I really enjoyed seeing that MILF was doing a little more shopping then she planned. Buy one get one free Winnie the Pooh shirts at Freds. Cant pass up a deal like that.

  94. Catelynn's paycheck from Dots Said,

    Did anyone notice Farrah’s top whilst she was writing the flash cards? All I could make out was “#1 tip for hotter sex.” I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t know about any of that, ice cold bitch.

  95. T*ts on a stick Said,

    I never noticed the disclaimer either! Ole! Ha!

  96. Kyyyy's Shart Said,

    Did anyone else notice when Farrah called to ask her mom if she’d take Baby Goo back with her, she was all nice?
    Like, “Good morninnnnnng!” and then when Trash Claw said she would, she just kept rambling like, “Yeah because you just
    need to study and get your stuff together and (blahh blahh for like 3 mins)” you could so tell Farrah was like
    “Okay mom shut up any minute now. I already heard the answer I wanted to hear”

  97. Scopped Liver Said,

    The Destiny’s Child paragraph had me open-mouthed silent laughing at my desk. As well as someone referring to her as NeNe Leakes!

    My thoughts…
    It was funny when Daniel “put” Sophia to bed, which really just meant he put her in bed next to her mini DVD player. And then Farrah was all “phew- without your help that would have taken me an hour.” An hour to stick her in front of a video?

    I missed Ky’s shit stain, which is oddly disappointing to me. However… did anyone else see when they showed Ky sitting at a computer? It looked like a giant flat screen TV hooked up to a keyboard. Like he was Googling on a 42″ TV? And he was sitting super close. Please tell me I didn’t imagine this.

  98. slappie jones Said,

    Disclaimer for The Win!!! You should switch it up every week…Chuck Lorre style. And no @scopped liver: I saw it too and briefly thought “why is kyyy (oh why oh why) sitting on top of that huge flat screen??? Àlso….did you notice farrah sitting on a puffy…leather…couch? Not just for the poors or trailer dwellers anymore! Ole!

  99. If Catelyn and Teresa's Hairlines Meet Said,

    The segue from Amber and Gary to Honey Boo Riley is priceless…the honey boos are participating in the Red Neck Olympics and are now bobbing for Pigs Feet…Oh Patrick, I cannot wait ’till tomorrow…..

  100. If Catelyn and Teresa's Hairlines Meet Said,

    Boo Radley…Honey Boo Radley…damn you fingers..you are swelling up just watching the salt intake on Here Comes Honey Boo (Radley)

  101. Lady with the Tigger Shirt Sitting behind Ty-Ty in court Said,

    This blog never disappoints, I am officially addicted, sir!! The user names and comments are an added bonus. I find myself visiting this blog on the regular just to see if there are any new comments.
    Is it bad that I had to Google Waka Flocka?

  102. Dani Said,

    Ok being a midwest girl, a couple of things. Omaha and Council Bluffs are separated by the Missiouri River literally. People in the midwest tend to talk about them as one and the same. And how does anyone who lives in the midwest not know the “S” in Illinois is silent? Good God.

    Another thing about Amber. If she is taking her meds and they are what is making her so tired yet at the same time doing nothing to control her rage …. uh, someone is not taking their meds. I want to see some flat affect, then I will know that you are really taking your meds, your prescribed meds that is.

    I figured out this week that the ony thing that keeps Catelynn’s fingernails out of her mouth is for her to drive a car. This is the only scene that she wasn’t chomping on her nails.

    Farrah you piece of crap. Make up your friggnin mind. Can you handle the responsibility of parenthood or not? Seems not is the answer so I never ever want to see you bitching out your parents again, never, ever, ever, ever. Got it. What a spoiled brat and super user.

  103. HandPierced Said,

    Maybe Sofia didn’t want to go to sleep because there was a f*cking camera crew in her house! DUH! And didn’t anyone else think it was weird that she sleeps in a full size bed. Isn’t she 2 years old?

    Also, Gary carrying that chair using only one arm was HOT!

  104. HandPierced Said,

    Also, Tyler’s sister Amber has her own fan page. She is kicking herself for not getting knocked up a year earlier so she could be on the show.

  105. Amber's Lashes Said,

    Wow! Butch gave April the look of death when he was leaving the courthouse.

    This was one of your best recaps. I laughed til I cried. (Literally)

  106. Amber's Acne Said,

    Debra was totally rocking some Farrah Fawcett hair yesterday.

  107. Akire Said,

    I can’t stand Debra’s baby talk to Sophia. She talks to her like a damn puppy or something. Actually, it’s worse than that. I’m pretty sure i heard her call her “boo-by”

  108. Amber's Acne Said,

    “Suddenly during her fit the doorbell rings and one of the old members of Destiny’s Child arrives.”

    Dead and Buried. OMG

  109. Fake Hypnotist Said,

    “Suckie” is actually the most revolting term I have ever heard for a pacifier–which in my life experience has always been known as a “mug plug.”

    Maci really crapped up that little house with some HIDEOUS color choices for the walls. Kyle’s extreme whiteness and Maci’s orange skin/orange hair against those vivid primary shades would keep ME awake, too. Poor little Bint-Lee . . .

    I got a good laugh during Butch’s court appearance–that man is a natural performer–he knew how ridiculous he would be as his own council, and he knew this would be a golden scene. He IS taking care of TY . . . without his drama, the Cait/Ty story would be no story . . .

    MTV ruined Amber’s life . . . if she hadn’t gotten “famous” and fallen in such love with herself, she wouldn’t be the drug-addicted psycho she turned into. I predict she will sue MTV for exploitation–or if she dies before she can get the ball rolling–her estate will press the case.

  110. Amber's Infected Clavicle Piercings Said,

    So now 3 out of our 4 featured moms don’t even have physical custody of their children at this point: Leah is a ward of the state, Catelynn placed iCarly for adoption (lest we forget!) and now Farrah’s shipped baby goop off to Deb’s. Hmm.

    I feel for the poors but, shit, was Ty always such a pissy bitch? And next week he’s ready to drop out of community college when Catelynn’s reluctance to continue her education was a relationship deal breaker. Uh. Time to stop with the excuses and get some dick, Ty. It (and coke) has worked wonders for Farrah!

    Ill-a-noise! Amber never fails to exhibit just how fucking stupid she really is.

    I love that Maci’s segment doesn’t even warrant more than a sentence. LOL. Fuck she’s so boring.

  111. Fake Hypnotist Said,

    Oh, yes, that toilet flushing sound effect on the Gary/Amber scene was totally uncalled for (yet amusing).

  112. Droppin' Dirty Said,

    Where to begin?! I love that IBBB lets me enjoy these craptastic shows without actually having to watch them. Shoot, I wouldn’t notice half the stuff Patrick does, and wouldn’t perceive it nearly as hilariously. I might “heh” a few times but each and every post makes me guffaw boorishly, and the comments make them even better!

    Farrah is being crazy stupid letting a guy she barely knows put her daughter to bed. She’s practically grooming her for her Chester neighbors – methinks she may be repeating some past occurrences?

    Amber is so out of it. She can put those ugly fake eyelashes on every day they film but can’t be bothered to evenly apply shadow? Does she even perceive the cameras anymore?

    Maci has said she wants Bentley to have a normal life and that it can’t happen with the cameras there, but I doubt she has even thought about how to explain to him why the crew would suddenly be gone. These kids grew up with strange people standing around their home in alternately in complete silence and staging their parents’ behavior. How will they react if they suddenly disappear without good parenting and age appropriate explanations? I guess I don’t see any of these “kids” doing that.

    Catelynn.. I love her but she does look like an alien as another commenter said. XD knew there was something she resembled.

    Oh, and “my daddy’s in hell!!” makes me laugh every time I think it

  113. Demonspawn's Sucky Said,

    Ok, after reading these posts I listened to Farrah’s sh*t show of a song on YouTube out of sheer morbid curiousity. She seriously must have recorded that on that toy T-Pain microphone. I need my sucky.

  114. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    Farrah is a spoiled brat and her parents are also to blame b/c they just dont even try to bring her down a peg and reason with her. The take orders and thats it. Its rather sad.

    I really think Catelyn’s disgusting nail bitting and chewing thing is a nervous habit…it has to be! Just like Ryan and his cronic yawning.

  115. Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,

    After hearing Amber say, Illinoise I realized the United States is at risk for total self-destruction. If our residents can’t even pronounce the states in our own country, how on earth can we expect to survive? Jesus H!

  116. your left ovary Said,

    I hate to say it but when I was stationed in Alaska, a telemarketer called me at 5 am (on my day “off”) and when I asked her if she had any idea what time it was, she told me it should be 8 am where I was. I told her 5 and she said “But doesn’t AK stand for Arkansas?”
    No, sweet pea, it stands for f-ing Alaska. It was probably Ambuh’s mom.

  117. Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,

    Farrah allowing Daniel to parent Baby Goop reminds me very much of when Ambuh had the boyfriend she met at Walmart and allowed him to change Leah’s diaper.

  118. Droppin' Dirty Said,

    Brandon and Teresa’s restraining order, YES same thought here. These girls are so desperate for the appearance of a family that they skip building the relationship and jump right into making their s/o’s second daddies to their kids. Highly inappropriate and unhealthy for everyone. They all do it, Maci included. She talked about maintaining stability in Bentley’s life but it sure hasn’t been backed up by her actions.

  119. The Dent in the Wall From April's Forehead Said,

    lol Farrah’s song.

    I truly didn’t expect it to be worse than her cooking videos/Hot Problems/Tardy for the Party/anything by Courtney Stodden but my mind was blown. God bless her, I can’t wait to try the pasta sauce now.

  120. Mon Seigneur Said,

    No one noticed Amber sitting in a BRAND-NEW Lincoln? And not the entry-level model like Tyler’s (and his is about ten years old, sorry, it’s not new like I’ve read before!).

    Half of you didn’t know Iowa and Nebraska are neighboring states. That helps to explain the mess this country is in.

    For those bashing Amber’s pronunciation skills, apparently you’re not familiar with linguistics (or grammar in general, for that matter [and since when did you all become fluent in Algonquian?]). I’d love to hear how you say “Pierre” or “Norfolk”!

  121. eyetalkloud Said,

    MACI NEEDS TO POWDER HER FOREHEAD MORE OFTEN THEN NOT.
    GARY IS A FAT NO GOOD FATHER. P.S GARY AMBER WASNT INTERESTED IN WHO YOU WERE STOCKING IN TENNESSEE SHE WAS MAKING A POINT FOR YOU TO TAKE CARE OF YOUR KID!
    THE DONKEY RAISER IS TO BLAME(HIS PIG DENIAL MOM)
    AMBER IS UGLY AND LOOKS SHOT UP BUT SHE IS TRYING DESPITE DEALING WITH CAN HE GET ANY FATTER GARY THE LOSER . AMBER STAYING SOBER IS LIKE INSTIGATOR GARY LOOKING HOT OR RYAN HOLDING DOWN A JOB AND HIS PARENTS HOLDING HIS FEET TO THE FIRE ON BEING A MAN. CATLEYNN IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU. TYLERS MOM IS A NUTCASE MAKING EXCUSES FOR HER TRASHY EX. CATLEYNN WAKE UP THE RELATIONSHIP HAS OVER RAN ITS COURSE TYLER IS GOING TO LEAVE YOU.

  122. your left ovary Said,

    I thought of something else when I was driving home from work. (Yes, it’s that pathetic.) Dalis has a Twitter account under DalisPaige. Does no one else remember the wrestler named Diamond Dallas Page?

  123. Farrah's Random Neighbor Watching Sophia Today Said,

    Is Ambuh on here commenting ?

  124. Fake Hypnotist Said,

    Dalis’ posted on Twitter that her mother has just been diagnosed with Stage 3 Cancer. Dalis now has brown hair.

    Eyetalkloud–Your comments above suggest drugs and alcohol mixed with semi-literacy.

  125. Farrah's Random Neighbor Watching Sophia Today Said,

    Then pronounce y’all…

  126. Michigan State (House of Corrections) Law School Said,

    Mon Seigneur wtf are you talking about? Amber’s pronunciation of IllinoiSSSS has nothing to do with linguistics. And I live in Norfolk County, MA so I’m confident in my pronunciation of it. Besides, considering Illinois is a liittlllee more well-known (being a state and all) it’s completely reasonable for people to trash on her.

    Besides, that’s what we do on this blog, right? Trash on the trash? ;)

  127. Michigan State (House of Corrections) Law School Said,

    eyetalkloud- you’re annoying. please go away unless you have something witty to add to the discussion. oh, and considering keeping yourself relatively up 2 date with TM news; tyler and cate are getting married, moron

  128. Farrah's Random Neighbor Watching Sophia Today Said,

    Thank you, Michigan State (House of Corrections ) Law School. I was kinda freaked out there.

  129. eyetalkloud Said,

    Michigan State (House of Corrections) Law School go rotate the tires on your house! P.s Get a life!

  130. Mon Seigneur Said,

    LOL. I couldn’t give two Gary-sized turds about MI Law School’s location “Norfolk County, MA” (or any of its pale-faced residents for that matter). Yes, “Illinoissss” has -everything- to do with linguistics. If you weren’t so ignorant, you’d know many people say Illinoissss (people say things differently everywhere; like I said, I highly doubt you’re fluent in Algonquian). Go to Norfolk VA, NE, or MA and “Norfolk” is pronounced differently. Just like how you people (oh, I said it) bastardize the English language (i.e. “paak the caah” [park the car]). So don’t EVEN start with me; you’re clearly not on my level.

  131. Ella Noise Said,

    Someone mentioned that they thought they heard Debra-Who call baby Goop ‘booby’, she did-I can’t stand the baby talk she does. I mean Ms. Gulch talks to her like an adult, but Debra CONSTANTLY does the stupid baby talk thing to her-can’t these people find a happy medium…those damn eyelashes of Ambhaas are getting bigger and bigger-how the hell can she see? Is it just me or did she seem drugged (her eyes were like only halfway opened) when she was talking to Destineys Child?

  132. Ella Noise Said,

    Mon Signeuer-don’t even go there with that paak the caah and pale face shit. Face it-that’s not how it’s pronounced. You’re not as half as smart as you think you are.

  133. Mon Seigneur Said,

    Oh Ella, I am as smart as I say I am.
    And… I think I went there! Went there and back!
    Like I said, it’s all about linguistics. Again, you’re not fluent in Algonquian so bes’ keep your trailer-park views on its pronunciations to yourself.

    FYI, “did she seem drugged?”…. Umm, HELLO, how many times has Amber said she’s on drugs that wear her out? Open your ears and your mind, daahling.

    Signed,
    Two Turds in Soph’s Diapaah

  134. Dr. Drew's Blazer Said,

    Ok people. This is a blog to express our observations of the teen mom trash, not a place to bash fellow commenters. If you disagree with someone or think they are really stupid, roll your eyes and think it to yourself. Join in on the fun by trashing on some trash and let’s all just get along like the dysfunctional family we are.

  135. Nancy Grace's Brassiere Said,

    Dr. Drew has a bossy blazer . . . craptastic ??

  136. Going Algonquian Said,

    Geez… Why do people want to get on here and negtively comment on comments? Uh, if you are on here, you must be on the same level a little, no? Someone just said it sounded weird when she pronounced it with the s and then we have to go all Algonquian on their asses?

  137. Cartoon Albino Bulldog's Gigantic Computer Said,

    Perhaps this isn’t the right blog to trash the New England accent…

  138. Ella Noise Said,

    Mons Siggneur- why the fuck are you on this blog if you’re so much smarter than the rest of us, ass wipe? You try to come off as so damn high and mighty with “oh you don’t know how to speak Algonquin” and “you live in a trailer park”-um, no, it’s not living a trailer park, it’s knowing how to speak the English language. Amber doesn’t speak Algonquin either, so there goes that shit-
    and the only reason why I said that she seemed drugged was because she was clear and coherent when she was talking to Garys mother. And I agree with your signature- you are a turd. Troll much?

    Cartoon-you’re right, not the right place for that. :)

  139. Amber's Gelmate Said,

    I saw some pictures Tyler’s sister posted from her birthday party and it showed both Catelynn and Tyler smoking. I wonder if that is why she always is chewing on her hands. Smoking on TV wouldn’t make them look as high and mighty as they try to be.

    Great recap as always!!

  140. Mon Seigneur Said,

    Ella,

    1) Twice you’ve tried to spell my name, twice you’ve failed.
    2) Never said I was smarter than the rest (if I am, so what?!).
    3) I never said you or anyone lives in a trailer park (read much?); I said “your trailer-park views” meaning opinions, not “the view” out your window (pink flamingos).
    4) Illinois isn’t English. Like I said–you aren’t fluent in Algonquian, so don’t try to correct Amber’s pronunciation of it. And don’t even act like I’m defending Amber–I’m the only one who pointed out her new Lincoln.

    Signed,
    Sarcasm (drive over to Crystal Lee’s trailer for the lookin’-it-up-in-the-park’s-lone-dictionary)

  141. Ella Noise Said,

    Troll much? I don’t give a shit about your opinion of me and I really don’t care if I spelled your name wrong. If I cared I would have spelled it right the first time. You don’t know me, so don’t act like you do. You insinuate things in your comments, then deny it. Get lost.

  142. Hole in the wall Said,

    y

  143. Mon Seigneur Said,

    I never gave an opinion about you.
    Fact of the matter is, we all say words differently here in the USA.
    I know of FOUR different pronunciations for “Louisville” cities in this country.
    I trust Amber more than you–she’s getting her GED, after all !

  144. dave algonquin Said,

    Monseigneur, you must know that ‘Illinois’ is the French name for the native tribe. Therefore we use the follow the French rules of pronunciation and drop the ’s’. Amber’s pronunciation is likely to do with her own ignorance to this fact rather than some deference to the origin of the state’s name.

  145. Mon Seigneur Said,

    Actually the French pronunciation would be “Illi-nwah” not “Illi-noy”. So.. no.

  146. eyetalkloud Said,

    FAKE HYPNOTIST I’M SO GLAD THAT THE INSTITUTION THAT YOUR TRAILER TRASH MOTHER PUT YOU IN ALLOWS YOU T.V TIME AS WELL AS ACCESS TO THE COMPUTER. YOU HAVE COME A LONG WAY FROM THE LOBOTOMY DAYS.

  147. dave algonquin Said,

    Ok fair enough. It’s already a butchered anglicized pronunciation so why make fun of someone for butchering it even more? Well…it’s Amber, that’s why!

  148. Mon Seigneur Said,

    I just wish people would have a little more concern for the rest of humanity. If people would have respect for people like Amber and the Teen-Mom crew, they’d help build her up instead of tearing her down. She could better raise her child instead of having her house vandalized. She could have made it through high school if people treated her as a valued child. It’s just a vicious cycle that keeps repeating, and hopefully things will get better in this country; it is 2012, for crying out loud!

    I watch Teen Mom to realize I’m not the only one with a crummy life at times, not to tear them apart.

    Well, I’ve enjoyed my stay on the blogosphere, or whatever this is…..I’ll probably be kicked to the curb for my radical views! ;)

  149. IBBB Said,

    Hello all – I am late to checking in on all of these comments, but let me just say that I am the biggest trash bag of them all. I feel better teeing off on others. It make me feel better about myself. I am THAT pathetic. Also, I like when others laugh at what I write. We’re all entitled to our own opinions and by “own opinions” I am of course talking about “what Oprah forces us to think.” See what I did with that “own” reference. I’m on fire on a Sunday!

    Anycrap, let’s all just get along and enjoy our dysfunction together. Ole!

    -IBBB

  150. Farrah's Random Neighbor Watching Sophia Today Said,

    I can’t wait til tomoro. There were so many wonderful things on this episode! Sara is totally Neneh Cherry!

  151. Beach Said,

    I¡¯ve also been thinking the identical thing myself lately. Grateful to see another person on the same wavelength! Nice article.

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Disclaimer: ImBringingBloggingBack.com contains published rumors, speculation, assumptions, opinions as well as factual information (although I doubt it's that factual). Information on this site may or may not be true and not meant to be taken as fact. The only fact is that it may rot your brain, in which "you're welcome!" IBBB.com makes no warranty as to the validity of any claims. Don't sue me. I have nothing. Ole!