Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

1. IBBB Said,

   Like this blog post? Well then join me on my Facebook page and let’s get to talking!

   http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Varone/1591687454

   and follow me on Twitter because that’s always a treat:

   http://www.twitter.com/ibbb

   And how about Pinterest?

   http://www.pinterest.com/theibbb

   Ole!

   -IBBB

2. Butch's Mullet Said,

   Is it just me or does amber seem sedated? And what happened to her eyelids, she could barely keep her eyes open.

3. Amby's hand piercing Said,

   Not sure why Cate and Ty are still on this show– their segments are getting very awkward to watch b/c there is nothing there without lots of butch/april drama. however, the Kim hair makeover scene saved them last night….and OF COURSE Tyler would go with Kim! He has very specific tips on looking pretty and updating her hair. Once again….still waiting for him to come out of the closet. You would think Kim would take her daughter (Ammmmmber) or another female..but nope- im sure Tyler insisted on going to the salon and spa! He probably got a facial while there…not that theres anything wrong with that!

4. Anonymous Said,

   Sadly, the hours between the end of the episode and the posting of your recap have become the longest hours of my week. Because I obviously have no life. Great recap! I love how all the (not so) poors now drive Mercedes. April’s forehead even had a banging new car … which she clearly also uses for banging mullet man on the sly. See what I did there? Same same. Yes, that is my sad homage to you.

   Schooling/getting an edumacation is to Ryan’s family what kryptonite is to Superman. Yep yep, when you’re 22 year old son continues to have no job or schooling, has a 3-year old child to “raise” (and by raise I mean provide taxi service between his real baby mama and his faux baby mama Mimi) with no visible means of support other than mommy and daddy’s bankroll and house o’fun, AND apparently just plays and yawns all the live long day, you have clearly mastered the recipe for excellence in child rearing, and it doesn’t include getting your smarts on. F*** pre-school.

5. Gary's Missing Neck Said,

   How many animals do Catelynn and Tyler have in that trailer??? They were seriously everywhere! As they were falling asleep in that nasty bed, a dog appeared from somewhere in the recesses of the crumpled sheets between the two of them. Gross. Also, am I the only one who couldn’t understand a word Amber’s mom was saying? She either had her mouth full of rocks – or she was on the same thing Amber was on. Side note – I do love Kim, and I was happy for her new look. Good call Tyler!

6. EasyAs123 Said,

   I was jumping for joy when I saw that Kim was getting rid of her perm! “Patrick is going to just LOVEEEEE this!” My husband is thinking of committing me after that comment last night, but anyhoo! I am tired of seeing Catelynn and Tyler’s same ol’ drama, week after week. My husband even commented last night, “These people don’t even have a kid, yet they’re on the show!”
   And Farrah, she’s just a mess. I think Debra is actually in school herself, and that’s what she meant by turning in her paper(s). Correct me if I’m wrong though.
   Ryan is nothing but a yawn-fest. You’re too busy banging your wanna-be-Maci look alike to pick up your toddler from necessary-for-a-three-year-old preschool? Lameeeeeee! I went to preschool and daycare. It was the best darn thing my parents ever did for me!
   I’m not even going to go there about Amber. I really would like to take a two-by-four to her face, and possibly knock some common sense into her.

7. Jenny Said,

   I loved the recap, although I embarrassed myself at work by laughing so hard at my desk by myself. I like how anonymous said Ryan is the taxi that takes Bentley from Maci to his Mom – so true.

8. Conspiracy Man Said,

   The recrap was a milliion times better than the actual show. While watching it, I was seriously thinking that it would be impossible for Patrick to find anything of interest, except for salon coming out. At any rate, I was wrong.

   Just a question (I have no kids) – do you give a 2 year-old a necklace? Isn’t that a choking hazard?

   I can now see why MTV decided to pull the lever and flush this show. How many times can we watch Maci preschool drama?

9. Farrah had the sex Said,

   Tyler looked so disgusted everytime he talked about (or to) Catelynn. When she was calling the school I couldn’t tell if he wanted to puke or knock her off (not up … again). He’s going to Jon Gosselin her ass when he hits 30, no question about it.

   For sure Miss Gulch had “the sex” her first time at bat with Daniel (a.k.a. “Huh, you have a child and are on a tv show? No, our mutual friend never mentioned those unimportant details and no, I didn’t notice the crew 6 inches away pointing cameras and microphones our way.”) He’s very genuine and sincere. On the other hand, he is clearly a master of “the sex” as Glow worm had a slightly different glow about her after the date and seemed to be a bit more footloose and fancy free. Even her eye roll was like “thank god this b**** got laid”.

10. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Also- I totally agree with the question about financial aid. Does MTV really expect us to believe that Catelynn is actually going to get one cent of financial aid? It has been a while since I was involved with all that, but I recall having to file a FAFSA in February for the year coming that following September. I also recall that if you made anything remotely approaching a living wage the previous year, you were going to get nothing from financial aid. These kids allegedly made $280K per year, plus whatever they made from media appearances. Did MTV supply them with the dialog about financial aid just so they would look like normal students?

11. donna Said,

    next week,butch and april have another fight and butch gets to go home(jail)

12. Meee Said,

    Does the swanky malibu (?) rehab facility not understand that they’re making themselves look bad by having one of their patients (amber) higher than a kite in every scene? What “medicine” do they have her on that she is literally nodding off in every session.
    Good thing is, we all know amby checked off “find a new home” from her J.J. list. Prison really is a nice way to make a fresh start.

13. Farrah had the sex Said,

    Farrah had a slightly different glow about her this episode … she totally had “the sex” her first time at bat with Daniel (a.k.a. “Huh? You have a child AND you’re on a tv show called Teen Mom which coincidentally, is about being a teen mom? No, our mutual friend didn’t mention it and no, I didn’t notice the crew six inches away pointing cameras and microphones at us.). Daniel is nothing if not genunine and sincere.

    Tyler looked disgusted every time he talked about (or to) Catelynn. When she was calling the school I couldn’t tell if he was going to puke or make a run for it. He is going to go Jon Gosselin on her ass when he turns 30.

14. Farrah had the sex Said,

    Even her eye roll was like “thank god this b**** got laid”!

15. Amber's Slick Bun Said,

    @ Farrah had the sex, I totally agree! Tyler looked so disgusted with Cate. She was grossing me out too. She pet the dog and then chewed on her fingers. PUKE! I seriously don’t get why they are getting married…they already look unhappy just dating.

16. Amby's hand piercing Said,

    Catelynn would look so much better if she grew her God damn hair out. I mean, short is semi cute but on her that puffy nest on her head with the long pieces in the front and dumb bows are just awful. Please Cate, grow your hair out for your wedding.

17. Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,

    I have not been able to read past this line because I am crying in fits of hysterical laughter.

    “If this was the old Amber I bet she would have used Tonya’s vagina as a shoe and walked her out of the house, but not before banging her head into the door and knocking a TV or two over.”

    I had to walk of out my office because I was so out of control. The visual on this is priceless.

18. Brenda Walsh Said,

    I know just about everyone hates Maci on this here blog, but I have to say she is my favorite out of these girls. Bentley is seriously so freaking adorable. And he is definitely the most well-spoken and appears to be the smartest out of the 3 babies. I really don’t get why Ryan and his fam are so anti-preschool. I went when I was 3 and guess what – I’m fine! I think it’s actually really smart. Bentley doesn’t hang out with any other kids – at the very least he’ll learn how to share and socialize. When he hugged all the teachers goodbye it was honestly the cutest thing.

    Amber looks even more drugged out now then pre-rehab. Seriously, what is she on? And for the love of god, someone get that nasty red-ringed piercing out of her hand!

19. tyler loves my-kuhl Said,

    First off: it is pretty sick and twisted how I look forward to these recaps….do you think they have given away Ambuhhh’s room at the Hab yet? I may need to check myself in. I damn near pissed myself when Miss Tyler channeled Little Richard at the beauty salon “WOOOOOO! Tooty Fruity, Ms. Kim…you. look. FAB.U.LOUS.” All the while bouncing and clapping…whee! For the love of Christ, Ty, there is nothing wrong with being gay! Do yourself (and catelynn) a huge favor and come out already. The rest of the moms on the show (young and old) could REALLY use a hair stylist. Could be a spin off in it for ya….I see “Tyler’s Tendrils” in pink neon…blinkity blink.

20. donna Said,

    farrah must have had the sex cause she didnt yell at debra once.

21. Your Puffy Leather Said,

    I wasn’t too excited to watch this episode but now that i have read this recap prior? Bring on the mother fucking salon scene!

22. The Table Sophia Slept On Said,

    So I detest Farrah even more after last night’s episode. She is clearly one of those girls who isn’t happy unless she has a man. I didn’t even realize she had teeth until last night with all the smiles — who knew? Who in the heck wears a dress to go horseback ridng?? I’m sure it was all to give Daniel a post-Sophie coochie shot. And that vest – yikes!!

    And I completely agree with everyone about Tyler being repulsed by Catelynn. Did everyone else catch the last scene with her lardass jumping on his lap & kissing all his face? He looked like he was gonna puke.

23. iCarly's new baby mama Said,

    Bint-lee: That’s not daddy’s house…it’s Mimi’s.

    Ahhhhh, the innocence of kids. He will probably grow up to yawn like Ryan, but at least he was spared Kyle’s Y chromosome.

24. Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,

    Tyler looked like he wanted to puke at the end when Catelynn was kissing him.How does everyone but Catelynn know he’s a flaming homosexual.Also is Affliction sponsoring this show now?I noticed Gar Bear and Rhine were both sporting the shirts.

25. NinaNina FoFina Said,

    …seriously, what in Santa Christ’s holy name is Ryan and his family’s aversion to preschool? Let the kid hang with other tiny people, draw pictures, and learn a little somethin’! And his mom…UGH! How does a convo about preschool lead to a convo about custody? She’s a douchebox and an enabler…

    oh, Ty’s mom looks soooo much better without that perm.

    ok, bye.

26. tyler loves my-kuhl Said,

    Oh…and what was wrong with Catelynn last night? I realize she comes from a depleted gene pool, but she looks more and more every week like the short bus is honking outside the trailer door. Oh, and the flowers and hair bows…uhhhh….ok.

27. Legend Said,

    Pretty much pissed myself after I read this and haven’t stopped laughing like a retard since: “When I was in college I had to go to student court because I got so drunk I pushed out the screen in my dorm room, threw my coffee pot out the window, and was screaming that Ma’am Paupadopolis was a f’ing whore. True story.” Assholleeeeeeeeee.

28. Janelle's Ugly Toes Said,

    I am pretty sure Amber is on suboxin and she is snorting it and not taking it as directed along with something for anxiety…I remember that being on her list of drugs she was not taking the correct way before she went to jail recently….she is a total dirt bag and Gary deserves nothing less than a dirt bag so it works out well.

    What is Ryan going to do with no MTV check? I picture him at 30 dating 18yr old girls and hanging in his garage talking about when he was a television star.

    Farrah is such an arrogant bitch..someone needs to tell her to go fuck herself on one of these dates instead of kissing her ass in hopes of getting into her pants. Who wants to do her anyway? It’s most likely cob web city in there by now Baby Goo is like 3 years old or something.

    I love these recaps and they are the only reason I watch the show.

29. The Table Sophia Slept On Said,

    @ Brenda Walsh – I have to respectfully disagree about Bint-lee being the smartest & most well-spoken out of the children. I would have no idea what he’s saying without the subtitles (same with Baby Goo). Those two are both victims of the paci with those bucked teeth & indeciperable speech. Leah, on the other hand, speaks in sentences and I can actually understand her. She seems to be a sweet child and I have no idea how she’s as well-adjusted as she is.

30. AmyJo Said,

    Did anyone notice Ryan’s 1/2 full bottle of chew-spit while he was in the truck with Bentley? I seriously gagged.

31. slappie jones Said,

    @the table sophia slept on: I thought I was the only one who thought that was sad. I was fully expecting a french fry and cocktail umbrella to be stuck to her face when they picked her up! And I think bint -lee is a brat! Between his lazy dumbass father, and maci thinking “hisself ” is an actual word…he better find ‘hisself ‘ a 24/7 preschool.

32. Crik Said,

    Spoiler alert: I think Farrah must be living in Austin. I recall seeing Michael here several several months ago and about 2 or 3 months after that (this past spring) Deborah was in my grocery story. I haven’t seen Farrah about and don’t read the tabloids so don’t know what her boyfriend looks like (till now). But that’s got to be the reason why those two were spotted here on more than 1 occasion, no?

    In response to someone: while the show was pulled, there’s no doubt there will be another season at year 5, 10, 15, etc. We’ll have an opportunity to see these kids from cradle to walker, binky to dentures. And mark my words, there will likely be an entire cast of teen moms (and dads) in about 12, 13 years made up of kids of cast members. My prediction — based solely on parental behavior — is Leah and Bint-Lee in this cast and one of the twins and Janelle’s kid in the the other cast. There’s always one rebellious twin.

33. Farrah had the sex Said,

    @ tyler loves my-kuhl – bwahahaha I laughed out loud at your comment:

    “Oh…and what was wrong with Catelynn last night? I realize she comes from a depleted gene pool, but she looks more and more every week like the short bus is honking outside the trailer door. Oh, and the flowers and hair bows…uhhhh….ok.”

    Ahhh, good times good times. I’m still laughing as I type this! Short bus honking … flowers and bows …. uhhh ok. Funny!

    @ Janelles ugly toes – I love how you cut right to it … so young, so angry, damn that rock music . I would love to see your scene play out:

    “Farrah is such an arrogant bitch..someone needs to tell her to go fuck herself on one of these dates instead of kissing her ass in hopes of getting into her pants.”

    I love how this blog just keeps giving! When the fix of this weekly recap starts to wear off, I read through the “names” associated with each comment and it’s a whole new round of entertainment.

    I totally love that Kim got a new do! She looked great and you could tell that she felt great. Gay/no gay Tyler was a good son in this episode.

34. Farrah had the sex Said,

    @ the table sophia slept on: I agree that Leah seems like a sweet girl. The scenes (2 weeks ago I think) of her spending the day with Ambuh in rehab made me sad for her, mainly because she just looked so happy to be playing on a swingset with her mom. How sad that what was likely her closest experience with having a normal day with her mom was at the hab while mom was stoned.

35. funkster166 Said,

    Okay why isn’t Ryan’s ass in the slammer ( along with Amber) for not paying child support? Really, he brag’s about it and living at home with mommy, like its normal.

    Also let the poor kid stay and pre school, its better then hanging with a bunch of adults all day.

    Amber either needs a shot of 5hr energy or her meds adjusted

    Catelynn needs someone to tell her the hair styles she chooses are horrible, I thought the blue wig Debra wore is more flattering . Ty just jump out of the closet already, WE KNOW..its okay own it.

    Farrah just needs to drown in the ocean, seriously..

36. Gary's Seatbelt Extender Said,

    What the hell does Rhine and his family think goes on at preschool? They act like Maci is trying to send Bint Lee to the Sea Org for Scientology. It’s preschool! For Christ’s sake, they learn how to count and and spell Bint Lee.

    Amby’s still high, high at the ‘hab. I understood her being that way at first, especially if they put her on suboxone. But from what I understand she’d been there for 2 months? That’s more than enough time to fix her medication so she doesn’t fall asleep in her Raisin Bran.

    @Conspiracy Man – Little sirens went off in my head when Amber gave Leah that long necklace. Definitely a choking hazard! It could get caught on Gary’s porch swing or one of Amber’s random infected piercings. Then where would we be. Then. Where.

37. The Poors' Kate Gosselin Said,

    Farrah- ALMOST pleasant this episode so she either got some or killed someone. Same. Same. Oh and someone posted last week that Michael has moved to Austin, TX so that could explain the sightings. Run, Daniel, run! Who the hell plans a road trip on the first date?

    Amber- I love how the preview for next week shows that 2 months in a rehab swing does nothing for your anger issues. She goes from “hello” to “Gary, you effin’ idiot” in about 2 seconds…

    Catelynn- dear God, no straight man is that clap happy about his mom’s new doo. And why the hell isn’t he working on his love thing?! She is like the poor man’s Kate Gosselin.

    Maci- We get it Kye, you’re young & reckless. Stop wearing the shirts. These two don’t even pretend to work anymore. And even though he dips on the regular, Ryan is still hot.

38. The Poors' Kate Gosselin Said,

    Also, April’s forehead is really laying back nicely into her skull. Dear Lord, we need to cut some of hers off and pin in to Teresa G.!

39. Amber's Pill Bottles Said,

    I nearly died when Farrah went horseback riding and said to her horse, (in her cutesy voice) “You get a BIG TREAT if you don’t kick me off”…yep, I’m pretty sure those words are uttered every time she’s looking to score some “coochie-coochie-coo”.

40. tyler loves my-kuhl Said,

    Aww, thank you @Farrah had the sex: your chuckles at my comment made my day!

41. HeartAttack VS GarBear Said,

    Seriously, how does slow Kyle have a Mercedes….and Ryan has a BMW?
    I just love how Tyler wont be with Catelynn if she doesnt go to college….REALLY? Because if it wasnt for the baby you dont have, Im pretty sure you’d be a permenant team member of Burger King.

    I dont care what any of you say…GarBear is looking hot….Imagine how many wings and hamburgers are stuck up under his neck roll! YUMMY!!!

42. donna Said,

    i agree that at least one of the kids will end up on teen baby 15 and pregnant in about 11 years.

43. preschool isn't concentration camp Said,

    how on EARTH does little Leah seem like the most well-adjusted child on this show? it probably won’t last long…but still. she’s adorable too.

    FARRAH ACTUALLY SMILED AND LAUGHED SEVERAL TIMES THROUGHOUT THIS EPISODE. I wasn’t sure how to react. it almost scared me at times. think you’re all right though that she had the sex. that was my guess too.

    Rhine and his mom crack me up in regards to this preschool thing. Maci is 100% right on this issue. Bentley needs to spend time with other kids. I loved how Rhine tried to make it seem like preschool was useless when he asked Bint-lee what he learned and he responded with “nothing.” that’s pretty much the standard response from any kid when they’re asked that question. unless this preschool totally sucks (which it LOOKED to be a nice school) he is learning days of the week, months, year, counting, alphabet, songs, sharing, taking turns, etc. I guess they think riding around on his four wheeler is all he needs?

    LOVED Tyler’s moms new look! and Catelynn, you will be receiving $0 in financial aid. that whole scene made me lol.

44. donna Said,

    anybody notice amber just threw her clothes in the suitcase?she didnt fold them.and she was stoned out of her mind.love that next week the real amber is back,calling gary fatass.hey sweetheart,you picked him.

45. Leah's Happy Meal Said,

    @ConspiracyMan No, you don’t generally give a 2 year old a necklace–especially not one that is basically the length of a noose.
    And yes, what straight guy spends the day at a hair salon with his mom…and makes hairstyle suggestions. C’mon out of the closet and play Ty. It’s time. And yes, whoever talked about the bows & flowers–STOP IT CAITLYNN!!!!
    April’s forehead continues to grow several inches each week. Pretty soon, she’ll look like Larry (the Stooge).
    And YES, Farrah totally had The Sex. It’s the only explanation for her relatively better attitude this week.
    What was up with Maci not taking Bentley to “preschool” until 3 p.m.? Generally, “the readin’, ritin’ & ‘rithmatic” at preschool takes place in the morning. I call bullshit. This is clearly day care. But still. Anything that gets Bint-lee away from his mother for a few hours is a good thing. She moans about him being a “leach” but she encourages it and THRIVES on it. He’ll grow up to be Norman Bates if he doesn’t spend less time with her.

46. Leah's Happy Meal Said,

    I just realized how many times I used the phrase “And yes”, in my previous post. And I’m disgusted with myself. Sorry folks.

47. Conspiracy Man Said,

    I agree that Leah appears to be the smartest and most well adjusted child, despite her genetics -Amby and Gary don’t even seem to understand the most fundamental concepts of cause and effect.

48. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Don’t be so hard on yoursef…

49. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Don’t be so hard on yourself. . .

50. slappie jones Said,

    I agree with all the posters who are as damn confused as I am about what the fuck is the big deal about bintlee going to preschool/daycare?!? While Kyyy and Rinnnnnne are academically and mentally below bintlee’s intelligence level, what on earth is wrong with him gettin’s somes learnin’s and making some little friends? Rinnnnnne has how many college degrees now? And his own home? Don’t you want better for hissself? Btw: is maci calling him ‘benny’ now?

51. Conspiracy Man Said,

    I hope that the rehab facility got paid because that would be the only positive aspect to Amber’s rehab experience. Do legislatures and courts really think that sending someone off for a few weeks of therapy that is totally against the will of the recipient will really have any positive results? What a racket?

52. Conspiracy Man Said,

    It seems like all rehab does is train unwilling participants to mouth platitudes and say the right things to get them out of their care. Rehab should be for people who want to go.

53. Bull Said,

    Farrah is an idiot. “I wanna ride bulls” and “let’s ride cows”

    HOLY CRAP. I would pay to see her ride a bull and get herself killed. Just cause it’s the south does not mean our only transportation is cows and bulls.

    A lot of us actually have access to 1950s Chevys.
    Bitch.

54. Welcome to Miami, OK Said,

    Maci’s constant use of “hisself” got me actually wondering if I was wrong and it was a word. I am ashamed to say that I went so far as to google it. This show drops my IQ at least 5 points every week.

55. Dora the Explorer Said,

    Oh my god Welcome to Miami. I just did the exact same thing. She said it multiple times and I think Kyle might have said it too. I thought I might be going crazy so I googled it. GAH.

56. Farahs Horse of Course Said,

    The problem that Rhines family has with Bint-Lee going to preschool is that they feel like Maci is pawning him off at daycare/preschool instead of offering him up to them to watch. That is why the mom is pushing for 50/50 custody. It is not that they don’t think daycare is necessary, they just want the option to have him when she is at school or whatever. Not the mention the fact that neither of them would have to pay any child support.

57. Farah Sucks Said,

    Can you just imagine actually having the sex with Farah?

    “To the right, Daniel!! NO your other right!! Not so fast! GAH!!”

    Yeah….tons of fun….

58. T*ts on a stick Said,

    I think Ryan and his parents’ complaint against the preschool/daycare thing is that Maci is putting Bentley there on Ryan’s days so Ryan (and his parents) miss out on that time with him, and she puts him there on her days when she isn’t even in class and then she and Frankenberry are just sitting around on the couch doing nothing (as usual).

59. Welcome to Miami, OK Said,

    Dora that is so funny! Let’s not make that mistake again!

60. Crik Said,

    A few things about ‘hab. They drug you up to the hilt. Especially the pissed off ones. They can’t risk the anger-management patients acting out so they just shove benzos down their throat. Add to that meds Ambuh is on for her addiction issues, you have the doped up, droopy-eyed Ambuh. It may sound counterintuitive to give addicts meds, but it takes a while for cravings to subside and these meds are the lesser of two evils (like methadone or suboxone for heroin).

    @Donna: Anyone who has every spent even a day or week in rehab knows that when you’re ready to leave your clothes are just so ratty and crinkled, it doesn’t make any sense to fold them. At a swanky ‘hab like Ambuh’s, they may actually do laundry for you. But ordinary ‘habs have a few washers/dryers for the residents and lines to use them are a pain in the butt — especially for the angry ones.

61. Dani Said,

    How high was April in that scene? She couldn’t sit still for one second. Lady was rockin the chair big time and one should take note that it WAS NOT a rocking chair. I will be surprised if Catelynn ever receives a degree. She has zero motivation. The longer this show is on, the less Ty and Catelynn appear compatible.

    Then we have Amber who can’t even muster enough strength to keep her eye lids open.

    It just kills me how MTV just chooses to ignore the obvious. Can hardly wait for the reunion when they gloss over all of the important details.

    I don’t care for Maci but I really can’t stand Mimi. She is a manipulator of the worst kind. On the outside, she looks so suburban and nice. Ha. Lady you are not fooling me.

62. Fake Hypnotist Said,

    It’s daycare . . . and the learning part goes on in the morning . . . Rhinnnne was right about that. At 3 pm to 6 pm, kids and staff are just thinking about going home, what a stupid time to drop a kid at daycare, and NO, as the poorly done editing revealed, Maci was NOT at class that afternoon. All those sad-faced little kids sitting glumly on the floor of the hallway waiting for mom and dad, that’s just pathetic to lie to yourself about that being “the afternoon curriculum.”

63. Kate Said,

    I’m dreaming of a spin-off featuring Ty going to cosmetology school (”hair school” as Chelsea says) and practicing on all the Teen Mom creatures. Think of all the possibilities: a weave for Catelynn, clip-on bangs for April, dreads for Butch’s mullet o’ awesome, highlights for Gary’s MILF, wig styling for Maci when her hair quits her and falls out after too much bleaching, a prison issue butch cut for Ambuuhhh, feathers and other wildlife for Farrah, and a blow-out for Baby Goo, and elaborate braided pigtails for Debra Lou Who. And that’s just the season 1 folks. Make it happen, MTV! Heeeeeeeeyyyyy!!!

64. Maci's hair Said,

    everyone please go to Maci’s twitter and look at the instagram picture she just posted of her new hair.

    please.

    WHY?

65. rehab swing Said,

    First off, the important issues. @Maci’s hair, WOW. It looks worse than I could have imagined. Then all the pukes commenting on it, OMG Maci that looks so f’ing cute… prolly all Maci just under diff usernames.

    Anybricks, like everyone else, I’m sick of Cate and Ty. I mean please. He’s obvi gay, or at least bi (not that there is anything at all wrong with that) but she just gets worse every dadgum week. Her hair. Does she take a chainsaw and do that herself? And the nastiness of her and the animals while eating…BARRRRF. Poor Ty. I mean he hasn’t even had the opportunity to be with anyone else.

    Preschool… I never went. I turned out juuuust… ok, I’m bricks. But sliiiightly better than Albino BullDog. Either way, Bint is already smarter than Maci, maybe they can switch and he can get the degree.

66. Bows and ribbons Said,

    That’s exactly what I was thinking, Fake Hypnotist. No preschool (that I know of) is opened ’til 6 PM. Maybe it’s a preschool to like the afternoon- then after a certain time it’s just daycare (my sister was a preschool teacher at a school that did that.)
    @ Dani-YES! Mimi is the biggest manipulator…using Rhine against Maci to get more time (for her, not Rhine) with Bint-lee. If she had sent Rhine to preschool, maybe he’d have a job or be going to school, not living at home sponging off mom and dad…that kid needs to go preschool to make some friends instead of hanging around adults all day.

67. Cowboys Don't Ride Cows Said,

    All I have to say is Farrah is bricks. Who rides cows?

68. Cowboys Don't Ride Cows Said,

    WAIT I got it… Tyler does! Ole’!

69. All Farrah Needed Was Some D Said,

    Who knew? All that crankiness would vanish with some good ol’ fashioned D? Farrah was laughing, and actually giving mom some respect. Wow.

    Catelyn and Maci are just lazy. They both need to put a fire under their butts and just friggin go to school. That MTV money won’t last forever. Maci likes expensive cars, and catelyn will need to get pregnant and have more kids if she wants to continue to be at home and collect a check.

    As for Amber, she’s so medicated, its not funny. I take something meant to chille me out. Its so good, that I break the pill in half, because I’d be acting like a damn zombie. What kind of doctors is she dealing with, that can’t see that she needs her dose cut down. She reminds me of Mr. Snuffolupagus, with the long eyelashes that can’t stay open. Its too depressing to watch.

70. Amber's Welcome Home Sign Said,

    Ahhh is it bad when I only watch this show so I can follow along with these recaps? I feel we are one big sick and twisted family.

    I agree with everyone on here. Farrah definitely had the sex. While she was still awfully dreadful, her attitude mildly improved.

    In other news,

    Mimi Jen is a bitch. Tyler is obviously gay. Cate is lazy. Maci is annoying (”luh eww”). Amber is on drugs. Kim is awesome.

71. Catelynn's Knee Length Jean Shorts Said,

    Sophia used to be a cute baby, I thought.

    But the past couple of episodes, she oddly reminds me of E.T. The part where Drew Barrymore dresses E.T. up in that curly wig and dress.

    I know that is a weird observation. But I just had to mention it.

72. Sue Said,

    Ryan is such a fucking dumbshit! Who wants their kid to be dumber than they are.

73. Scopped Liver Said,

    At one point Cate and Ty mention that one of their many dogs belongs to Butch and that he left it there. Maybe last week when he was talking to the suitcase he really did think he was talking to a dog?

    And Rhine is full of it. Complaining about preschool cutting into his time, yet he couldn’t even make an effort to pick up Bintlee when he said he would because he was too busy with his new girlfriend. Also, I am no longer a fan of Mimi. Not only is she acting crazy lately, but I feel like her forehead looks larger these days. The further back her hairline, the crazier the Mimi.

    I must admit it was quite adorable when Bintlee asked Rhine, about Mimi and the grandpa, “are they miss me?”

74. donna Said,

    seeing a pic of kims stylist,is anyone else reminded of olivia from jerseylicious?yes,i love that show..dont judge me!!

75. Conspiracy Man Said,

    Don’t any of these kids have friends? I vaguely remember when I was 3 (and see in all the pictures) that I was hanging out with other kids at that time. I know that at that age I was hanging with other kids who were later my good friends. Are these kids too good to be spending time with other kids?

76. Conspiracy Man Said,

    TOTAL SPOILER ALERT- I saw the new promo for next week and April has defensive wound bruises and everyone is tsk-tsking about Butch. It was too good to be true, and it must be just impossible to stay away from what is rightfully yours if she is as smokingly hot as April.

77. Nest in Farrah's Hair Said,

    I’m convinced Farrah wore that dress on purpose to show off her “gentlemen greeter” to Daniel.

    I also went to preschool/daycare and I turned out fine!!! But unlike Bint-Lee, both my parents actually worked, so I never had the option of choosing to go or not. *sadface* And as much as I hate to admit Ryan is right about anything, they really don’t do shit after 3pm, haha

78. Lurch's spotty red mom Said,

    In the scene where CAB picked maci up from school, his car had chrome rims. When they picked Bint-lee up from preschool, they were red. Just an observation, that is one sweet ride!

79. Hot Pink Nailpolish Said,

    Well done on another awesome recap on this craptastic show, sir! Well done! On the other hand.. Curse you for putting that mental image of Gary and a bucket of chicken into my head!
    I found myself a bit uncomfortable watching Farrah’s scenes… Way too much smiling, not enough eye rolling. I have to agree with y’all… Farrah must’ve had the sex.
    The salon scene was golden! I read the recap and comments before I actually watched the episode and looked forward to Ty-Ty in the salon with great anticipation. I was not disappointed at all. Not one bit.
    I love reading all your usernames! The recap, usernames, and comments makes for a good read right before bed (sad, I know).
    Luhhhh u!

80. Gary's Blood Pressure Said,

    Reading these recaps is one of the few highlights of my week. I know sad right? Everyone on here is so funny. But here’s my two cents.

    I think Catelynn is in denial. There’s no way she can’t see that Tyler is gay. He probably cries during sex.

    Maci is a lazy spoiled brat. With all that free time maybe she should hit up a spa for a facial. Geez

    I salute Daniel for taking one for the team. I don’t care what he has to do. Get shit faced or whatever but please keep having the sex with Farrah so she’ll stay calm.

    I miss bat shit crazy Ambuh. So looking forward to her goin crazy on Gary.

81. slappie jones Said,

    I wonder if Leah got a t -shirt that says: “My mommy went to Rehab and all I got was this lousy t -shirt!!!”

82. Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,

    When Rhine returned from picking up Benny at Maci’s house was he eating milk and cookies in the garage?If he had gone to preschool he would have gotten that out of his system years ago.Mimi is a sneaky little minx.Rhine has no desire for 50/50 custody.It would cut in on his nap times and vacations in Dallas.I mean Dalis.See what I did there?

83. T*ts on a stick Said,

    He was eating milk and cookies! And I totally laughed out loud when I saw it!

84. T*ts on a stick Said,

    Oh, and I love how Maci and Frankenberry are always badmouthing Ryan and saying how he should be more responsible and have his own house and stop sponging off his parents and set a good example like they do….and yet all they ever seem to do is lounge around on the couch and not work or go to school! Yeah, great example they’re setting!

85. Deb Said,

    I think Deb was really April’s mother! I spotted a hint of forehead behind those cleverly styled chia bangs! But if so then this is the grandma who allegedly “hated” catelynn last season, yes?

    Lol @brandon and Teresa’s restraining order for the milk and cookies / preschool comment!!

86. Let's Face it-Tyler is gay Said,

    I love the kid but he is obviously gay. His hair salon scene was ridiculous! Kim looks fab though!

    Ryan is a hottie. Kyle just gets uglier. Maci’s skin is horrendous, go to a dermatologist honey you are on tv.

    Farrah-sucks at life. Baby Goop is already smarter than her.

    This show has gotten so unrealistic though. They have nice places and don’t really work. Not exactly teen mom reality at this point. Bring back Bahhhhbra!!

87. Accutane Said,

    im confused at this preschool thing. Isn’t it the same daycare place that maci has been takin Bint Lee on and off?

88. Wednesdaystreat Said,

    Thank you, Mimi and Rine and all the rest of you hillbillies for confirming every stereotype of Southern folks there is. Maybe Rine needs to actually go live by hisself and learn what life is about. Nah. And whoever said Maci is a case of the pot calling the kettle black–yup.

    Cate and Ty in their nasty bed with the zoo was enough to make me puke. When you’re too lazy to put on pajamas, it’s time to, well, anyway….Kim’s salon appt was the best!

    So, who thinks that Amber’s suitcase is a reflection of her inner self? That’s what Dr. Phil said, not her creeptastic “therapists.”

89. Wednesdaystreat Said,

    OOPS! I almost forgot! RUN, DANIEL!!! RUN!!!!

90. Your Puffy Leather Said,

    So I just watched this episode and I must wonder, why doesn’t Maci get a fucking endorsement deal going with proactive? Her face annoys me.

    Anyone else notice the fly buzzing around April and Cate when they’re talking in the trailer? Cate tries to bat it away at one point, then plays it off and continues to knaw on her dog dander infested fingernails. I was crackin up!

    Also, why doesn’t MTV show these idiots smoking? Cate and Ty both smoke and I’m pretty sure Maci does too! That MTV, they’re smart..

91. Ambers Closed Eyes Said,

    @ Catelynn’s Knee Length Jean Shorts
    I know, right.. I thought Sophia was kind of cute before too. My husband and I were going with a frog (think Crazy Frog), but I think you hit the nail on the head with E.T.
    Oh god I feel like a horrible person LOL

92. your left ovary Said,

    Yes, Sophia was cute for a bit but geez. Rather unfortunate-looking, if you ask me.
    Amber’s more of a trash heap than that circular file in my cubicle. Over it.

93. #i'mstuckindallas Said,

    Ok.. I am still hung up over the whole makeover scene. I mean Ty suddenly thinks his trailer don’t stink. Perhaps it’s bc we found out last wk that his trailer park is the cream of the crop and does background checks? Did he seriously say his mom needs to grow her hair out and she’s had the same perm since he was born? Poor Kim. She obviously likes her Ogilvie spiral perm. It’s such an easy do. Especially when you’re running late for work. Jump in the shower, wash it, get out, shake it like a wet dog, grab some Finesse mousse and scrunch, throw on your 7-11 smock and acid washeds and go!

    Seriously, Ty, you would leave High Forehead Square Hair if she decided to not go to college? Geez… You’re the one who cream filled her cupcake and now you are riding on those twenty-fows in the Caddy. I so wish Kim would’ve come back with, “Well Ty, I really wish you’d quit dressing like Play from Kid N Play. I mean they were popular before you were born. And they are so out. Can’t you get into Lil Wayne mode? Update!”

    Kim’s hairdresser reminded me of someone but I just couldn’t place my finger on who it was. Upon retrospect, it is a toss up between Kat Von D and that dr from Grey’s Anatomy who married that one dr then became a lesbian. Anyone with me?

    And did anyone else notice those tenny bopper girls who walked in in the background and stopped and pointed and put their hands over their mouths like, “OMG… it’s true. Text like the whole jr high and tell them we just saw Ty!
    OMG! I’ll never wash these eyes again.

    I’m sorry, but Kyyy sitting on the couch in that one scene with Mace-me and Bint-Lee made me think “Weekend At Bernie’s”. He is so becoming a “prop”. I swear it looked like MTV was just using a giant stuffed Kyyy doll and a recorded voice here and there. WTF?

    I can’t believe Farrah was actually nice to this Daniel dude. I hope he never calls her back secretly. And did anyone else think he looked like a younger Michael? And how the hell is she so much nicer (in her own way) to Debra Who this week? Can someone say bi-polar?

    Amber was like “Ok, get the f^%# out I’m so sleepy Mom” after he mom was like whisper talking to her telling her she did all her laundry, cleaned her nasty house, flushed all her drugs… You know the usual stuff normal mom’s do to help out.

    WHAT IS UP WITH ALL THE WEIRD TSHIRTS? It’s like the moms ( not the teenmoms but the grandmoms, teen gmoms, if you will) buy their clothes at the Shell station down the street from my house. And I live in a small town in Texas….enuf said. I mean it’s like they like to go browse through the racks of clearance tshirts on payday as a guilty pleasure. They have to buy the tshirts on clearance bc they have their eye on those dreamcatchers on the rack behind the wolf figurines. Geeeesh. I love looking at the tshirts. I may think up a top ten tshirt list Letterman style soon.

94. The Pacifier That Won't Go Away Said,

    Who can tell what either Bint-lee or Baby Goop look like when they both have that plug in their mouth’s 24/7? And is it just me, or do Sophia’s actually match her outfits now?

95. hashtag cats in a basket Said,

    ok…
    - where the hell do they get their tshirts? and im talking about the grand teen moms. i think they shop at the Shell station by my house. it’s a gulty pleasure- they browse the clearance rack of tshirts on payday. It has to be the clearance rack bc they have their eye on those dreamcatchers on the rack beside the beef jerkey.

    -Kyy has so gone Weekend At Bernie’s….I mean I swear it was just a big stuffed fabric Kyyy on the couch with Mace-me and Bint-Lee was pushing a button on cue to play his recorded voice (something he learned at that preschool)

    -Amber was like “Get the f&*^ out. I’m sleepy.” While her mom seemed to be whisper talking about all the things she did to her house- all the laundry, cleaned, flushed all the drugs and buried the pipes and needles- you know all the stuff a normal mom does to help out. wtf

    -I so hate the dumb flirty girl fitness act Farrah does with Daniel (who strikes a strange resemblance to Michael to me). Ride a cow? Really? I live in Texas and certainly would love to see you come here and ride a f&^*ing cow, you devilish whore.

    And why is she wso nice to Debra Who this week? Um, didnt she just go apeshit on her last week? #bipolar

    -now for Ty- OMG…. I personally think Kim’s old do was probly much easier to maintain on morning’s she overslept.
    I mean, honestly- it’s jump in the shower, shampoo it w Pert Plus, get out and shake it like a wet dog, run some mousse thru it with your fingers, throw on your 7-11 smock and acid washeds and jet out.

    Ty got a little cocky this week- where does he get off looking down his nose at everyone? Seriously- you’d leave Cate if she doesn’t go to school? If I recall correctly, you’re the one who creamfilled her cupcake and got her on this show. And what a low blow about Kim’s perm…I wish she would have come back with “Well, I wish you’d quit dressing like Play from Kid N Play. I mean step into the now and go Lil Wayne, son.”

96. hashtag cats in a basket Said,

    2 more things- did anyone recognize Kim’s hairdresser? She so reminds me of someone. It’s a toss up between Kat Von D and that dr from Grey’s Anatomy who goes lesbian. Any thoughts?

    And did anyone else notice those two jr high girls who walked in the background when Kim was getting de-froed? They put their hands over their mouths and stopped squealing in delight, “Omg Candice you’ve got to mass text this to the whole jr high. There is Tyler! I’ll never wash these eyes again!”

    They must’ve seen his Caddy with the twenty-foes parked outside.

97. Play from Kid N Play Said,

    Seriously… does MTV have a contract with Harriet Carter or Bonworth so they can provide wardrobe for the mom’s of the teenmoms?

    Top Ten Tshirts for Carol/Kim

    1. one with a pic of Eeyore that says “Whatever” under it.
    2. one that has the pic of bird shit on the shoulder and says in big letters in the middle- Damn Seagulls
    3. one that says “Grandma’s Little Quacker” and has a Grandma Duck and a little duck following with Leah’s name under it (or iCarly if it’s April)
    4. Spud MacKenzie (wait, not that would be Maci’s or maybe Butch after he got back from a vacay at the beach)
    5. One that says I’m With Stupid and has a big arrow pointing to the left (no wait, that would have to be worn with anyone standing beside Kyy, Rhine, or Maci)
    6. Any Mickey Mouse or Donald Duck tshirt
    7. A concert tee from the Thompson Twins
    8. a family reunion tshirt from 1998
    9. an I Love My Rotweiler tshirt
    10. a Cathy tshirt (why do i remember Cathy?)

98. Butches walking papers said Said,

    Did you see the end shot when Catelynn jumped on Ty’s lap, he has such a look of disgust on his face, it was painful to watch.

    Ryan’s mom needs to butt out, Bent lee is not her child. She did such a stunning job with Ryan, I wonder if MACI could get a restraining order.

99. Tyler's Gay Lover Said,

    Amber as Snuffy and Baby Goop as ET…..spot on! Hahaha

    Great re-cap and awesome comments once again. I look forward to reading every Wednesday.

    Tyler might not ever come out, but he’ll def be leaving Cate. I give it a year.

100. Here for boobs Said,

     “Angela Bower’s power dress” made my week complete. Almost better than “circle gets the square”. Real talk!

101. Alina Said,

     I really like your blog, I think I will always come.

102. slappie jones Said,

     @cats in a basket: I totally agree and thought the same thing…Ms. Tyler definately needs to be knocked down a few pegs. Who the hell does he think he is? Um…his dad is always in and out of the slammer…he knocked his girlfriend up at what? like 15?…and said girlfriend and baby momma is his step -sister….ewww. I think Riiiiiine’s mom needs to invite him over for milk and cookies in the garage and they can look down their noses at everyone and ty -ty can tell her whats wrong with her hairdo at the same time. Btw: I spit my coffee out at ‘cream filled her cupcake’ ….hilarious!

103. Amber's Pill Bottles Said,

     Farrah has “created” her Mom & Me food products line, allegedly based on a slew of family recipes brought over from the Old World and passed down by the women of her family. From what I understand, a jar of the “Hot Pepper Sauce” is $16! Uh-huh…

     The Mom & Me Hot Pepper Sauce promo commercial/video is on YouTube – simply seach for “Mom & Me Foods” – Grandma, Debra, Farrah and Baby Goo are simply creeptastic – and the symbolism abounds – lots of Italian Sausage and the like! I spit out my coffee watching it!

104. BabyGoopHasEvilEyes Said,

     Rhhhhine is hot, but Gawd, what a loser. And MiMi supporting his uber-loserness and pushing for more custody? Didn’t Maci say she already takes off work to watch him because Rhhhhine won’t?

     Farrah. I hate you. That is all.

105. Barbara Ann Evans III Said,

     Yeah Maci can really be trusted to speak the truth when it comes to anything concerning Ryyyyynnn or Bint Lee…she never tries to make herself look good or anything…

106. Erin Said,

     First of all, I am obsessed with this blog. It is the highlight of my week. Patrick is amazing, and the commenters are just as funny (I love all the usernames!). On a serious note, I have a message about car seat safety that I REALLY want to get through to Farrah. I don’t have a Twitter account and I’m not sure how else to contact her. Would anyone with a Twitter account be kind enough to pass this message along to her? It’s really bothering me! Thanks

     For the love of God, someone needs to teach Farrah how to properly strap her daughter into a car seat. There is no point in even putting that baby in a car seat if the straps are loose and the CHEST clip is down to her belly button. God forbid if they got into an accident, Sophia would be ejected from the car. It’s common sense that the CHEST clip should be at the CHEST, and the straps should be nice and tight. Come on now, Farrah! It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to buckle a child into a car seat properly. HOW does that look safe to you? I’m so sick of seeing that every week. As a mother, I’m honestly concerned for the safety of that little girl. Take ONE minute to keep your daughter safe in the car PLEASE.

107. your left ovary Said,

     @ Erin – I made a similar comment two episodes ago. Leah is never properly buckled either. In fact, they let her do it herself and just go with it.

108. Erin Said,

     @ your left ovary: Oh God! I must have missed that. What a bunch of idiots. Yeah, trust the 2 year old to buckle herself into a 5-point harness (although she would probably do a better job than they would anyway).

     I remember noticing the twins on Teen Mom 2 in some bad car seat situations too. What’s wrong with these people? (besides the obvious). Also, I think it’s pretty crappy of the camera crew to not point it out. Kind of like that time when Sophia fell off the bed. Ha.