Jul
18

Teen Mom Recap: Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Trash Claw?

Posted by IBBB

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Time for another episode of “Now You’re Just Moms.” Join me on my Facebook page (click here) and be sure to click the “Recommend” button so you can share this will all your friends and family members that you hate. Ole!

Farrah – Bolt down the furniture and put the rubber sheets on the bed because Debra Claus is coming to town. She’s making a list, she’s checking it twice, she’s gonna turn into Stabby Spice. Debra Claus is coming to town. However, before Debra makes it to sunny Florida for the annual Who convention (they discuss safety tips like how to sleep with a candy cane in your hands in case the Grinch breaks in during slumber time), Ashley is there to remind us all what Farrah’s underbite used to look like. That’s nice of her. I was almost starting to forget. I jest. I have a cardboard cutout of Farrah’s teeth in my apartment. Ashley loves Farrah’s new apartment, but wants to make sure that when Debra gets there they don’t all fight and claw (trash) each others eyes out. It’s funny because I hope the opposite of that. In order to make sure things remain light and carefree they decided to buy a wig so that they can dress Debra up and/or finalize their disguise for the witness protection program. This is the same strategy, I’m sure, that Michael has if and when he ever gnaws off the chain around his ankle and breaks free from Who-Manor and can make a break for it to Mexico and start a new life.

Debra finally arrives looking like she just bombed an audition for a backup dancer for a J. Lo cover band. Most likely she had to do the running man to “Waiting for Tonight.” After being there for a few minutes Farrah, Ashley, and Ashely’s bottom row of protruding teeth give Debra the wig that they’d like her to sport. Dreams really do come true (and not just for those know-it-alls at the Make a Wish Foundation) because Debra flips the wig on and my heart melts. Well, where my heart would be in my chest started to get a little warm. I assumed whatever is there melted. Perhaps it was gas. Debra looked like a cross between Katy Perry’s crackhead nana and, of course, Kazoo from the Flintstones. I really hopes she keeps the wig on the entire episode because it’s likely she’ll brutally murder both of her daughters and, well, I’d like to see that wig in her mug shot. Later “the sisters from hell” decide to go out for a little while and so they leave Kazoo-Who to watch Baby Goop which probably means 30 minutes of baby voice. However, apparently Debra fell asleep and Baby Goop got into the nail polish and painted the dogs penis hot pink. I’m not joking. It was pink. It should have been blurred out because you know there is a large animal fetish audience who watches this show. Oh there isn’t? Oh. Farrah is pissed when she comes home and sees this and then yells at Debra for falling asleep on the job. Ironically enough I have a feeling that Debra paints Michael’s penis pink to so that if he ever does escape and make it to Mexico and she catches him she can easily identify him. She’s like, “Hola senor. Donde esta your penis?” That’s also her pick-up line at the supermarket as well, so, same/same.

So let’s get down to brass tax and brass tacks all at the same time, mainly because I’m not sure of the proper usage and, well, it’s not the kind of blog that is built on knowledge and smarts. But you already knew that or you wouldn’t be here. You also would have probably gotten that promotion at work, but that’s another story for another time. It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for! It only makes sense that the fight between Ashley, Farrah, and Debra would take place in a Floridian Chinese Food House. I felt like all of that should be capitalized because, you know, we’re talking about high class/authentic Fort Lauderdale cuisine. Plus, if it’s the kind of place that they make the food directly in front of you Debra is sure to grab a butcher knife and start taking names. Anywho (literally), things start of with your normal eye rolls and huffs when Debra tries to interact with the Orange Julius Sisters. Ashley seems the most aggravated with Debra but that could be because she’s the color of the wall behind her and is still trying to pull off that feather in her hair look that older women from Real Housewives of Beverly Hills refuse to move on from. Ashley (which is Latin for: Beam of Sunshine) is all up in arms because Debra keeps asking her if she’s having a nice time. I know. What a b*tch. Little does Ashley know that she’s filming a television show and, you know, people need to vocally interact with each other. Things take a sharp left turn when Farrah and Ashley gang up on Debra and tell her that she’s being annoying…and suddenly Debra throws out the fact that they bought a wig for her and some other ugly things to put on her. The best part was that they looked like they didn’t know what she was talking about. They were like, “You mean the wig that we were going to wear later for dress up?” Seriously everyone is bricks.

Later, Farrah tells Debra she would say the same mean things to other people who were aggravating her and if they don’t like it they shouldn’t be around her…to which Debra replies, “I don’t think anyone is left standing.” Bravo. The only thing missing from Debra was if she did a z-snap with her trash claw. Farrah immediately stands up and we see the hint of her trademark “ugly cry” to which I squealed with delight and, of course, quickly closed my laptop on my criggity-crotch over and over again until I woke up when Ashley was confronting Debra for being a bad mother and the like. Another sharp left takes place when Debra says she won’t engage with Ashley right now because it’s against her religion. Huh? Ashley then sasses back that Debra doesn’t have a religion because she’s a “satanic psycho b*tch.” Aww that’s sweet but leave some of those inspiring words for her eulogy, Ash! She ends up walking out the restaurant as well, but not before letting Debra know that she and Farrah have messed up lives because of her. Who do they blame the orange faces on? My guess would be Michael but, again, that’s just a guess.

In the end the girls return to the table and pretend like nothing ever happened. Luckily it’s all documented so we can watch it over and over again on a loop. At home, while the girls go back out for a night out on the town where they discuss things like Debra being a bad mom and crazy, Debra is in bed with Sophia and asks her to pray with her to which Baby Goop just replies back “no.” Brilliant. If she could string a few more words together to form a sentence I’m sure she would have finished it off by saying, “…and get your tired ass outta my bed, ho!” Seriously how creepy did Debra look in that bed? I got up and locked my front door. She looked like she has just take a few sleeping pills with her Pinot Grigio and was going to her “happy place.” Speaking of which…

Catelynn – For reasons that have not been disclosed to me, Catelynn is dressed like Mrs. Roper heading down to the Regal Beagle. I thought it was important to start with that. Apparently since “college” doesn’t start for a few more months she and Tyler Perry got jobs at a clothing store so they could pay their bills. A clothing store where they live? Most likely DOTS or 5-7-9. I’m kidding. Either Merry-Go-Round or Chess King for sure. I loved how in Cate’s voiceover she actually said, “We live in a trailer park.” That is officially my new ringtone on my phone. Evidently since they live in this high-class trailer park, Butch needs to go before “the board” to see if he can live there with them. Sadly, Butch is not allowed to live in a trailer park because of his background and, you know what, he’s pissed! Butchy-Poo seems to think that “rumors-are-a-spreadin’” to the Trailer Park Board (TPB) that he is a big drinker. Butch is sure to clear that up immediately to Ty-Ty by letting him and everyone else know that “I’m not a drinker. I have a few beers, but I’m not a drinker. If anything I like cocaine.” Ohhhh good. I’m glad that’s cleared up! He’s like, “I won’t have a pint of Vodka for breakfast, but I may huff a can of computer cleaner on the regular.” Fine I made that last part up but you and I both know he was thinking it. It’s like I’m walking on sunshine! But don’t worry about Butch. He’ll be fine. He says that he’ll just live under a bridge or in a cardboard box or something. At least we’ll know where to forward his mail to.

I’m glad all of our trash bag friends showed up in this crapisode. There was Butch, April, and Kim! I was hitting my Bingo card like a mad man and eventually won the Troll Doll prize during the coverall game. To make things even better there was even a little cartoon of a baby Butch with a mullet throwing food from his highchair. I mean, can life get any better? I think not. I mean it could have been a little better if they had a cartoon April with a giant forehead trying to feed him in the highchair but I ain’t (ai-not) mad at ya MTV! Later, Butch packs up his one little red suitcase (which he talks to like a dog by rolling it away and saying “Come on suitcase, come on.”) and leaves the trailer possibly for good. This frees up the law so that April can now come and visit and does she ever. She’s sitting across the couch from Catelynn, forehead to forehead, talking about Butch finishing up his parole so that the no contact order can be dropped and they can drink Twisted Teas off the back porch and shoot a tin cans and squirrels and, you know, really achieve that American dream. I was sad to see that Cate has some bangs covering up half her forehead. And you could totally see April glancing at that thinking, “No how do I get the T-Boz too?”

Tyler is a little bummed out so he stops by Kim’s house so he can tease her perm with a pick and the like. Kim is sporting a newer hairdo and a plunging yellow tank. She looks sun-kissed and money poor. Just the way I like it. Kim gives Steven Tyler words of wisdom so that she can forget about Butch and his hijinks and not have to worry about him anymore. I’m sure they cut the cameras when Kim discussed her own past cocaine use. Allegedly. Fine, not even allegedly. I made it up. But I totally picture Kim with her shoulder pads blazer managing the local supermarket and going back to her office (metal folding chair and milk crate) and doing lines of coke off of a shopping carriage. I need a therapist and, quite possibly, a geneticist (y’all!). In the end, Tyler ends up having dinner with Butch at a place where a “steak” is ordered and Butch cuts it with a knife and his fingers…no joke. He’s like, “Mmm steak.” It’s like dude you’re in a diner in East Bum (just left of the trailer park)…that ain’t steak. Ahh the poors. They’re such simple folk. Anyway, they both joke about getting collect calls from the prison when Butch breaks the law and squeal with delight over their own trash bag lives. I hope Snarlin’ Darlin’ stays on the straight and narrow just so he can possibly get his own spin-off. It could be called, “Rat Tales.” See what I did there?

Amber – Oh Jesus bolt the televisions to the entertainment centers because Amber is depressed! It’s hard to tell because her face is usually beaming with happiness wrapped in butterflies and dipped in Barbie Doll tears of joy. But, nonetheless, Amber is bummed out because she doesn’t want to be in rehab for another two weeks. She misses the sweet love of Gary and they way she almost sees Jesus when he is on top of her and cutting off her air supply (I’m all out of love, I’m so lost without you). The same way that parents are told not to let a newborn sleep in their bed because you can roll over and smother them in their sleep, Gary should not be allowed to sleep with Amber in the bed either. At least get her one of those angel breathing monitors. Sidenote, I know too much about kids without having them. I’m about 2 more facts away from having to legally introduce myself to my neighbors and no longer able to partake in Halloween.

Even through all the doom and gloom we get to see Gary’s MILF, Carol, exit the ski chalet sporting a husky-sized Winnie the Pooh t-shirt (that says “Honey” on it) and dungaree capri pants. I mean, they could have been “relaxed fit” but on our beloved Carol they were tight capri’s. Carol first tries to sit on the ground, but almost dies, and then somehow gets herself up off the ground so she can take a crack at breaking the porch swing (Hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing, Monica did!). MILFY thinks that 30 days in rehab isn’t long enough to put a dent in Amber’s crazy. I agree. I think she needs 5 years in the prison system. Look how well it worked out for Butch. He’s 50 and almost done with parole. The system works. Ask anyone. Later Amber calls up Gar Bear to say she misses being home but he ends up telling her to talk to creepy JJ (her therapist) to see if he thinks she can be released into the wild yet. Even Leah is screaming “Talk to JJ” from across the table. She’s probably desperate for Amber to stay there since they now have a new TV and doesn’t want it kicked down the stairs so she can watch it and pretend Dora is her real mother. I’m kidding. I mean “madre.” Ole! The guy who cuts the lawn at the ski chalet obviously is Diego.

As Amber’s head continues to expand in Malibu rehab (EXPENSIVE!) she decides to talk with three of her therapists individually. Suddenly she’s Goldilocks trying these three out? Gary, of course, will play the roll of the three bears. Duh. Anychins, JJ is pointless. However, her second therapist is totally no nonsense. She legit thinks Amber is an idiot for wanting to go home now when she’s still an angry b*tch-bag. At one point she told Amber she should have shut her mouth and sat in the corner during her fight(s) with Gary. Finally a voice of reason! Amber seems to think because she hasn’t literally kicked anyone’s ass in 30 days she’s cured. But she still has that look on her face like if the TV gave her the side-eye there would be major beef (to which Gary would eat). Finally Amber decides to try out one last therapist and partake in a little hypnotherapy. This one is my favorite because it involves Amber with her eyes closed talking really slowly. Seriously how creepy was that therapist? He kept on touching her hand and the side of her face and then looking up at the camera crew like, “Did you just film that?” Apparently during this session Amber was supposed to talk about what makes her so angry from her childhood and evidently it was father telling her to “shut your mouth, b*tch.” Oh please. That’s how my father taught me how to do fractions and, well, look at me now!

In the end, Amber decides to stay in “the ‘hab’ for another 15 days so she can get herself right and prepared for her future 5 years in the prison system. I have to admit once this season is over I’m going to miss seeing how Gary and Leah interact with Amber in the slammer. I hope MTV does some show about this. If not, I’m getting my 1989 camcorder and heading to the Indiana jail/gel. We is fiances!

Maci - Ugh. Who cares? Quickly, Maci spends the whole time trying to get Bint-Lee into pre-school and Kyle has a look on his cartoon albino bulldog face like he couldn’t pass the entrance exam. It’s like, dude, put the square peg in the square box and call it a day. Plus, Kyle fully admits that “those kids” will be smarter then he is because they’ll learn Spanish. Aaaaand Kyle is officially edged out of the current job market.

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Episode Rating: 8 Trash Claws (For Reasons That Debra Knows About)

127 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

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donna Said,
loved all the popular references..mrs roper,regal beagle,air supply.it was a flashback to the 70s.
jen_with_relish Said,
I was so hoping for a screen shot of Debra sleeping in the bed with Sophia! Creepy ass hell. It looked she was going to pop one eye open and yell “Gotcha!”. Crypt Keeper much?
Also, the indignant way Butch flipped his mull-rat tail over his shoulder in a huff after being mistaken for a “juice head” was magical!
Chin cysts Said,
I enjoy watching Katelynn Gosselin’s hair becoming more and more razored each week. Catelynn, if you’re missing iCarly I’ll bet Kate will let you borrow one of her kids.

What in the hell did Debra do?! I hope we get into that this season, seriously. I hope Ashley’s new baby didn’t inherit those teef. My goooo goooo…
ang Said,
before i even read this i gotta say…farrahs mom is definately on something perhaps xanax. but it was still funny when she gave farrah that low blow and basically said she had no friends. ha what dysfunction all around
Amby's hand piercing Said,
I love Butch– i really do. I think this was his best episode performance yet! Talking to the red suitcase, saying he def prefers coccaine and pot over booze…his outfit, just priceless- all of it!

Maci is an idiot. why is she so nervous about Benny in pre-school? Its pre-school for like 2 days per week, relax. The kid needs to learn how to socialize with others his age or he’ll be a nightmare in kindergarten.

I loved theTrailer Park Board reference:) it must be so exclusive to live in those parts. Im quite jealous.
MBK Said,
“Mrs. Roper” = That’s Gold, Jerry!
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
Awesome review. Air Supply, Mrs. Roper . . . great.

Amber- I loved the fact that Amber said as soon as she got into a fight, she became homesick and wanted to call Gary. That is a very healthy reaction and shows real progess on her part.

Fight -> Gary. They are doing a great job of ingraining healthy patterns into her head. The hypnotist was beyond creepy. I can’t imagine that there is any actual theraputic value to anything they are doing at the Starbucks by the Beach.
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
I was so relieved that I got to see an entire episode where the word, “Carly” was not even mentioned once. I also loved seeing that Ryan’s mom really does hate Maci, despite Maci’s conviction that the mother is actually trying to get them back together.
Jenny Said,
I could not wait for the recap today! There was all kinds of crazy in this episode. The recap was worth the wait!
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
The MTV camera person did an awesome job of zooming into the plate without drawing attention to the camera angle or alerting Butch that there was anything remotely unusual about the knife/fist method of steak eating. When you think about it, it would be realy difficult to capture something like that without freaking out or somehow blowing it. It was perfect, and I have to commend the MTV camera crew for capturing it so well, although I do suspect that the camera crew was somehow involved in the painting of the dog’s anatomy. Could you picture the crew as that was happening? I was hoping for closeup shots of Farrah scrubbing it off or (better yet) forcing her mom to do it. I could only hope that it was cleaned to completion and there was a happy ending for everyone.
Miss W Said,
Oh Patrick, this was good. My only wish is that you made more fun of Maci and crew.
Things I knew you would love: Carol falling in the grass, her Winnie the Pooh shirt, Butch’s pet suitcase, April’s new do, and Ky looking extra bulldogish. Oh and of course the psycho Debra and just as psycho daughters.
Other things I noticed: I hate how Amber says “Geeery” for Gary.
I loved that icarly wasn’t mentioned, it was the Butch and April show. Why did everyone have on ratty tank tops in this episode? Seriously, go back and count the tank tops. Why was Dallis sucking on a ring pop? Why did Ryan have an ugly BMW, his truck was much more his style.
Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,
Ryan seemed to be doing a lot of sniffling this episode.Has he perhaps taken up Butch’s vice in an effort to stay awake?
Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,
He’s still hot though.He can blow lines off me anyday.Who needs bodyshots?
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
I forgot about the ring pop. Thanks for the important detail. Dalis must have been thinking, “I am going to be on national television, so how do I best showcase my sucking ability?”
Kiera Said,
I agree with ‘Amby’s hand piercing’

The first day of dropping your toddler off at preschool is rough but you get over it.
slappie jones Said,
“Hurricane Gloria didn’t break the porch swing, Monica did…” nice Friends reference! And of course Am-buhhh ‘decided ‘ to stay on at the four star rehab center….free anti -psychotic meds….some skinny lovin’ from counselor touch too much…and not having to actually parent her brat. Seems like an easy decision to me.
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
You know who would need bodyshots? A juice head. I hope you are not a juice head, and you only take a few drinks now and then while pursuing your real passion of cocaine. Do they even make cocaine anymore? I thought it is all usually processed into crack. You never hear about someone busted with a bag of powder cocaine in these modern days, and I can just about guarantee that Butch’s favorite means of ingesting his favorite substance is not by insufflating it (regardless of his pleas to the contrary). I think what Butch was trying to say was that if he had $20, he would buy a real cheap six pack with his $20 bill and then try to talk his dealer into selling him a 20 rock with the leftover money. This is assuming that he has a pack of smokes, but if he needed smokes, he would take the dime rock. I am guessing all of the weed that comes his way is just what people pass to him while he is hanging out with them.
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
Kyle is going to be really, really, really bald.
Catelynn's Yellow Romper Said,
Curse you, Viacom & DirecTV for not working out this dispute!!! So sad I wasn’t able to see this one. And even more sad that there was no screen cap of Debra in the wig! And one more thing, Ashley = Beavis.
Heather Said,
Why have we been watching Maci try to drop Bentley off at daycare for weeks if she was just going to have him stay home with Kyle? (Or has it been months? Years?) And now we get to relive this miserable plotline again for preschool? Am I hallucinating right now?!?
Amby's hand piercing Said,
There isnt much else left to show for Maci’s storyline except for maybe her attending (maybe) community college…if she doesnt drop out again!
I think we’ll see another 3 or 4 episodes centering around Bint-lee and preschool…….uhhhh
Janelle's Ugly Toes Said,
Brilliant recap as always…..

Is that a bump-it in Farrah’s hair in the first picture? Could anyone be uglier than Farrah when she cries? Yes, her sister when she talks. What a mess. Poor Michael.

I wish there would be a show when Baby Goo is a teen ager and telling Farrah to go fuck herself and her mom will be “you were the same way to me…go pray about it”

I’d also like to see Bintley become a goth freak and tell Maci to go to a dermatologist for god’s sake, and that his is a mess because she never made him stay at preschool to learn the basics of society.
Hachet Face Said,
I seriously am so angry at Viacom & DirecTV for screwing up my Tuesday night!! I sooo wish there were screen caps of Debra in the wig and in the bed. That all sounds so magical.
Leah's Happy Meal Said,
@Hachet Face It WAS magical. It truly was.
I would love to know what the hell Debra Loo-Who allegedly did to Ugly Cry and her sister. I mean, clearly, Deb is psycho, so that alone would mess a kid up… But really, did she lock them in closets? Chain them to beds? Go “Carrie’s mom” on their asses? Or was she just annoying/embarrassing (aka act like every other mom on the planet) and this is their excuse to treat her like crap?
Mandy Said,
WTF was up with Kyle’s red rims on his red car? What is it with Maci and crew and their “tricked out whips”? Eww.
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
Damn DirecTv – I don’t have cable or DT, but thanks to DirecTv telling their customers not to change providers but to instead watch the full episodes of Teen Mom at the mtv website, mtv pulled all of them.

Anymullet, I always love these recaps! And last week at the dentist there was a fellow patient of mine who seriously could have been Butch’s twin – mullet, mustache and all! I so wanted to take a photo but didn’t have my phone with me.

I too want to know exactly what Demonic Debra did (other than allowing her daughters to talk to her so disrespectfully from day one) to cause all this drama! From what I can tell, it seems like she’s just been the annoying and embarrassing mother, like every other mom out there. Farrah and Orangina Ashley may have had to deal with Debra’s manipulative behavior at times, but what caring parent out there hasn’t resorted to being manipulative at times for the well-being of their kids? Clearly these girls have no idea what the meaning of “abuse”, “neglect” and “psycho parent from hell” are. And what was up with Farrah asking Debra “are you insecure?” Gee sweetie, look in the mirror! If you weren’t insecure Farrah, you wouldn’t have gotten those “Cs-that-you-can-see” (but are clearly double Ds) on your chest, or get defensive every time your parents inquire about your child!

Amber: “We is Fiancees!” Classic line! One of my faves of all time from Amber was, while yelling at Gary, “We’re FIANCEED now, Gary, if we’re gonna be together things needa change!” I didn’t know “fiancee” could be a verb too.
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
@ Miss W – THANK YOU! Amber saying “Geeeary” for “Gary” is truly annoying – just another of her whiny ways!
donna Said,
why does maci have such separation anxiety with bentley?doesnt he go with ryan all the time?he needs to be with other kids.and i too want to know what in the hell debra did to farrah and ashley?also,this is off topic but when michael and debra got married,why didnt he just adopt ashley?she was young enough.then farrah would be able to call him dad instead of michael.this is scary but the kids with the most messed up parents seem the most stable and least likely to hold up a liquor store so props to catelynn and tyler.
If Catelyn and Teresa's Hairlines Meet Said,
I saw somewhere Farrah said we will have to read her book to learn the history between Farrah and her mom…oh Farrah, you little Double D vixen..you know we will all be in line at Barnes and Noble eating you pasta sauce as we wait to pick up an autographed copy….Can’t wait to try the pasta sauce since I have always wondered what Bitch tastes like..I imagine vinegar (see what I did there Trash Claw?)
Amber's Acne Said,
It’s nice to see that Maci and Ryan are putting money towards Bentley’s future….by purchasing new cars every week. Christ. And wtf happened to Ryan’s mom? She has gotten progressively worse ever since Ryan treated Maci like shit and she (Maci) left him. And no Ryan, you didn’t turn out fine with preschool. You’re a redneck idiot.

LOL at Farrah claiming she’ll never move back to Omaha. Honey, the second the TM money dries up, you’ll be crawling back to Mommy and Daddy. No way is she going to be able to afford her Miami condo on a below minimum wage restaurant job. “I’m still really annoyed with my Mom, but I’m going to make her watch Sophia for hours while I go out a handful of times. No big.”

Once again, Catelynn and Tyler proved to be the smartest of the bunch. Both of them are working, and neither of them think it’s necessary to live in a 5 bedroom house with all the fixings. Honestly, they’ll be the only ones with money left over for the next 10 or so years. And no mention of Carly last night.

Amber, spoiler alert: you’re getting five years of jailtime…..
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
@Donna – Maci’s separation anxiety is clearly a problem. I assume she’s comfortable leaving him with Ryan (read: Ryan’s parents) because she knows them, but even then, she threw a major hissy when Ryan wanted an extra day with his kid. I don’t have kids but hear all the time how hard it is to leave your kid at preschool or daycare when they are freaking out and crying over being away from you. But c’mon Maci, be strong and recognize he needs to socialize with other kids his age, not just your friends and family.

My boss’s wife, when 7 months pregnant, announced that she needed to quit her job and stay home with the baby because she refused to let anyone outside the family care for him. Well, my boss said that wasn’t going to happen, there was drama, and finally her mother agreed to be the live-in nanny during the work week (her mother lives 90 minutes away). Great idea…she was responsible, they paid her well, trusted her, etc. However, the kid is now in K4 and has had some major separation issues and socialization challenges at school because all his life he’s been surrounded by mom, dad and oma, no one outside the family. Unfortunately Maci’s going to have the same issues with Bentley.
Gary's seat belt extender Said,
I have an extremely old tv, which really makes Farrah and Ashley’s orange hue pop! Whenever they were on screen together my tv would start to buzz and the colors in their faces would begin to blend with the background.

Background checks for trailer parks? Is that how they do it in Michigan? I live in South Carolina, and I’m pretty positive if they did that here there wouldn’t be a trailer park left. When Butch got offended that people got his drug of choice wrong, I found myself yelling “YES!” and slapping my knee. I love it! He’s obviously a “cocaine man” (which, who is he kidding, he means crack out of a glass pipe). And I totally thought he WAS talking to the dog when he was going out of the door. I had a vision of Butch under a rain-soaked bridge somewhere being that lovable homeless guy with a dog – but then the dog didn’t follow. He wasn’t talking to his dog. He was talking to his suitcase. Oh.
Unwanted pet store fish Said,
Maci- is there only one daycare/ preschool building in all of Tennessee? We have done this storyline at least 3 times and at every age & stage she is dragging Bentley to the building just titled “Child Development” where he spends the day just fine only never to be brought back. I love how Ryan & family mock preschool like it’s a fad.

Amber- she is better than a bottle of Nyquil. I began yelling out things about my youth watching her hypnosis session. Zzzzz…

Catelynn- best episode in a while. Butch is liquid gold.

Farrah- is Ashley pregnant and auditioning for Teen Mom 3? What a drama queen. They went from normal to pissed like the director had just yelled action. It’s ironic that she calls Debra satanic when her only little “angel” said “NO!” to a simple prayer. She will be sacrificing virgins before too long. Fortunately for her family, they’ll all be excluded.
Dalis' Ring Pop Said,
@ Gary’s seat belt extender: SO true.

I live in SC too and the trailer parks around here are gross. If there was a background check I’m pretty sure many of those people would be living under a bridge with Butch and his loveable red suitcase.
SuzieQ Said,
The therapist looked like he was trying to signal to the camera crew, everyone out shes passed out and papas about to get lucky.
Does Macy do anything other then sign up for college drop out of college, sign Bentley up for “school” have him drop out the next day? I did take notice that she might be reading some of our comments though cause her face looked like she might have finally got it on The Proactive.
Why is it OK that Debs be left with baby gooey if she f’d up those two peaches? When I am old like trash claw carrying Debs and I am at a restaurant with my possibly ungrateful ass kids and one of them talk to me that way. I am pushing their asses on the floor and walking out saying mommas not picking the tab up this time bitches and split.
T*ts on a stick Said,
So glad I got to see this crapisode! After DirecTV dropped MTV, I dropped them like Gary drops a vegetable and got Dish network instead.

OMG that poor dog! How the hell long was Debra sleeping for?! It would have taken sometime for baby goo to paint that much nail polish all over that poor dog’s penis like that. And did the camera crew just stand by and watch/laugh?

Farrah and her super-orange sister are unbelievable! I thought no one could be bitchier than Farrah, but I think her sister is!
T*ts on a stick Said,
I think Ryan should be saving whatever money he gets from MTV and using it to take Maci to court for joint custody.
Mandy Said,
well now i cannot sleep until someone makes a gif of debra doing the running man to “waiting for tonight.”
If Catelyn and Teresa's Hairlines Meet Said,
Anyone else notice how Farrah’s teflon tatas entered the restaurant, ordered dinner, had a few drinks, passed on dessert and left before the rest of Farrah and her sister made it through the door?
MBK Said,
I think Debra is SUPER passive-aggressive, which would drive anyone to the brink. I’m not defending the Awful Sisters (because they’re awful), but Debra has some serious issues.
Wednesdaystreat Said,
Ok, so my DVR chooses THIS week to take a crap and not record! It sounds like this is the best episode of the season. I guess I’ll attempt to watch the whole thing online.

I am stunned that they kicked Butch out of the trailer park! WTH?? It’s BFE Michigan, not Beverly Hills!

Sounds like some gems from Deb and the gals too. Seems like Deb really went Norman Bates’ mother on everybody. Cool! Can’t wait!

The references in this recap were GOLD!
Farrah's Old Teeth Said,
Thank you so much for referencing my all time favorite Friends episode! Great recap, as always

I hope Debra beats Farrah with her trash claw one day. I don’t get how one second the girls are screaming at her and the next she’s good enough to leave baby goop with her. Unreal.

Maci is a huge snore.
Wednesdaystreat Said,
And PS whoever said Butch is on the pipe and not coke is spot on. Unless it’s gone down in price–a lot.
Wednesdaystreat Said,
DAMN! Not available on MTV.com! GRRRRRRRRRR
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
Gary’s SBE- You are right on the money. Can we all give up the fiction of Butch sipping cognac and snorting powder through a rolled up $100 bill? He obviously thinks that claiming to be a powder addict will make him seem like less of an addict to the parole board and his rehab stints, but nobody with his level of disposable income is using powder. It sounds better than saying he is a crackhead, and he is exploiting the fact that they both show up the same on a urinalysis.
Young and Reckless Said,
i know you don’t like to spend too much time on maci, but those Y&R shirts she and Ky are always wearing???? Do they have an endorsement or what? They are really reckless going to visit preschools for Bint Lee!
slappie jones Said,
Yup…Bint-lee is screwed if Momma Maci doesn’t back the eff off. I’m sure she does love him more than anything, but he is also a bungee cord to which will always keep her attached to Ryyyyyyy. I am a (grateful) stay home mom of four great kids, but when g ‘ma and g ‘pa call and the words “do you think the kids would like to come for a sleepover?” come out their mouths, I’m IN their freaking driveway unloading duffles and sleeping bags before they even hang up the phone!!!!
The Other Lindsay Said,
Damnit, IT’S NOT PRESCHOOL! It’s fucking daycare. Not school. Not preschool. DAYCARE! The kids is TWO!

Other than that, I only got to watch bits and pieces last night so I will come back to comment more.

Young and Reckless: That is Ky’s “brand” I believe.
Young and Reckless Said,
i thought it was drama from fantasy factory’s brand? rob makes fun of him too- “what do you do that’s RECKLESS”?
Amby's hand piercing Said,
I think Ky’s “clothing brand” is called something like kold nature or something dumb like that? I think Maci is in on it too??

I personally would love an oversized tank designed by ky and maci….haha.
Amber's Gelmate Said,
Awesome recap as always. What I don’t get is if they left Sophia with Debra and she fell asleep so Sophia could torture the dog why did they leave her alone with her again? WTH!!
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
I only want to know if the dog was satisfied with the nail polish removal.
Stitch's painted dinky Said,
none of my comments posted and they were soooo good this week.
Stitch's painted dinky Said,
Catelynn and Ty-

I couldve sworn they said they were working at a quilting store on separate shifts– until i asked my daughter and she clarified it was a clothing store. I imagined a bunch of old grannies sitting around quilting bee style discussing gout and polident and such and Tyler sitting right in the big middle of them shaking his head and saying YEAH real loud before they finish their words completely. Then on Catelynn’s shift, they use her giant forehead as a pin cushion.

That explains why Catelynn is trying on outfits at the beginning and Tyler is going “Oh that’s cute.” Notice he’s standing right outside the closet?

Butch, I am so afraid you have fired up the Commodore 64 and figured out how to read this blog. You probly have some old prison buddies communicating with those huge “bag phones” w tall antennas stalking me as we speak. I totally thought that that big dog following Butch and sniffing his crotch was named Suitcase too. Then I figured out he was actually talking to his new Samsonite w wheels.
Carol's Pot of Hunny Said,
I wonder if Pooh is gonna ask Carol to quit wearing his shirts? And it was classic when Carol fell over.

Is Perry Ellis still alive? Will he complain that Gary needs to quit wearing his shit?

Ambuh….ugh…I’m really irritated and sick of her rehab on the beach. Hypnotherapy? Um ok, but I was really hoping that the stomach touching lady would do it or perhaps even JayJay the Jet Plane, but maybe he was busy shooting Miami Vice 2.

I wish Gary and Carol had had more camera time. And I missed Andrew, maybe he was busy trying to load Gary’s hover around on the back of the van for their upcoming trip to the Grand Canyon… You can go anywhere!!!
Dena Said,
Have you noticed that Kyle looks like Farrah’s puppy?
Ryan's Sniff Said,
Ok… As if the yawning wasn’t annoying enuf, now Ryan’s Tourette’s has progressed into the sniffs. In a few weeks, he will be slapping his left shoulder with his right hand, clearing his throat, then hitting the bottom of his shoe while clicking his tongue three times. I swear. It’s damn annoying.

Maci needs to give it up… She complains Bint Knee is a leach but won’t leave him at the Spanish speaking daycare for the much needed “Adult time” the preschool lady suggested she needed. Uh, so what will Ky do during that time? HE has so few lines now. It’s like he was having trouble reading the tele prompter so they trimmed down his lines and he has memorized them so well that he says them before his cue and really loud and monotonous.

I agree that Maci’s story line is just as useless as Catelynn and Ty’s. And I swear the “preschool” is the same damn day care he went to earlier in the season. IF MTV decides to follow Bint Knee into senior citizenship, he will be put in that same building only the sign will say “Old Folks Home”.

All the different cars are pissing me off and I’m so sick of the muscle shirts! I swear she was wearing a Spuds McKenzie one this week.
Your Puffy Leather Said,
Is it just me or does anyone else hope Maci is wearing those glasses that make her eyes appear bulged out, just to look pretentious? If my eyes were really that bad, I would wear contacts! Jesus fucking Christ. Are they a joke? I couldn’t stop loling at her ole beaty frog-like lookers. Ugh.
Your Puffy Leather Said,
Also, why haven’t the Animal Cops been called on Farrah and Baby Goop? First dog was molested by a diaper and probably tortured by Goop and now this one has hot pink polish (probably EXPENSIVE! Essie or OPI) on his wiener! I can’t stand her! That poor fucking dog.
Your Puffy Leather Said,
Also, why haven’t the Animal Cops been called on Farrah and Baby Goop? First dog was molested by a diaper and probably tortured by Goop and now this one has hot pink polish (probably EXPENSIVE! Essie or OPI) on his wiener! I can’t stand her! That poor fucking dog.
Scopped Liver Said,
Ok, shouldn’t know this but the Young & Reckless clothing line is Rob Dyrdek’s cousin, Drama’s line.

Anyhow, I LOVED how Ryan and his mama acted like preschool was the equivalent of sending Bintley/Suri off for Scientology auditing as he begins his indoctrination into the church.

“PRESCHOOL!?!?!? PRESCHOOL?!?!? HE DON’T NEED NO PRESCHOOL!!!” Meanwhile, here in Jersey I thought preschool was mandatory.
Wednesdaystreat Said,
Ryan’s Sniff: That first paragraph about Rine’s Tourettes is hilarious!!
Pee-shirt Said,
Deb: Baby Goo, will you pray with me?

Goo: *whispers* No.

My husband and I were laughing our f*cking asses off! Im still laughing about it. Poor Deb!

When Carol fell over, I KNEW it was going to be on the recaps.

I think Maci uses Bint as an excuse to NOT WORK and NOT GO TO SCHOOL. She doesn’t have separation anxiety, she has lazy. She obviously is jealous of Dalis because she had to talk to him about ‘important’ stuff with Ryan in front of her. Just to show her whats up, I think. If my husband and I were not together, I would never talk to him about our kids in front of his new GF or my new BF EVER. It’s none of their damn business.
Butch's crack pipe Said,
My DVR decided to not record this episode, but I managed to catch the last half.

I LOVED when Farrah’s mom told her no one is left standing! Burn! I have to admit that Debra Lou Who is crazy/passive-aggressive, though. I wonder what their childhood was like and if that’s why Farrah is the way she is. I counted and I swear her and her sister said “like” 20 times! And those were just the ones used inappropriately. I HATE when people talk that way!
LisaP Said,
why are the pulls on cate&ty’s cabinets in the center? it looks so stupid. maybe it’s the new thing, who knows. also, i loved how farrah’s skelator sister changed her hideous eyeshadow from dark blue to dark green for evening. she is hard to look at – wow.
Strung out on leopard print Said,
Did anyone catch what was on Maci’s blanket when she was laying on the couch? I could’ve sworn it was Edward and Bella..
I cannot wait until Baby Goo is all grown up with her very own fake tits and goes all megabitch on Farrah.

I feel cheated with this being the final season of TM1. It seems like we’re missing all the good stuff with everything that’s going on with them right now…

I want to see Farrah get sauced. (Vinegary)
I want to see what happened between Ky and Maci that caused them to break up, thus breaking all our hearts. I want to see Cate finally lose the “baby weight”.
And I sure as hell wanna see what the hell Ambuh was thinking when she had to choose between rehab (again) and 5 years in gel. *sigh* Not fair.
Could NOT agree More Said,
Agree with everything said here, especially the post by Strung out on leopard print. I am one of the pitiful ones caught in the shitting contest/custody battle between Viacom and Directv, so I haven’t seen the episode. Thank gawd for Patrick and his awesome recaps!
UGOGOOTEAMDEB Said,
DEBRA SO DID ALL THE NAIL POLISH PAINTING. GOOD FOR YOU DEB. SO DEBS A NUT AND THE NUTTY SISTERS LEAVE BABY GOO WITH HER. STOP PLAYING THE VICTIM ..IF DEB ENDS UP DEAD THE BI POLAR SISTERS DID IT FOR SURE! P.S DOES ANYONE KNOW WHY THEY CALL THEIR DAD MICHEAL? BENT LEE IS TURNING ON HIS MOM BIG TIME.
WV_Genetic-cyst Said,
MTV could obviously show “Rat Tales” in the hour following “Little People, Big Parents”!

I love how Ryan’s girfriend has to tell him that maybe Bintlee needs preschool since he don’t speak so well, and she clearly had some preschool experience she is holding onto, sucking her own candy pacifier…

I can’t imagine how crazy Debra was when those girls were young. Wasn’t the trash claw punishment for punching Farrah in the face?

all of a sudden I imagine Tyler in 30 years pretending to fall asleep when Catelynn gets in to bed, all while Butch and April are groping each other down at the Reagle Beagle. Fantastic!
Scopped Liver Said,
@Carol’s Pot of Hunny… I am cracking up at the thought of Pooh Bear calling her up and telling her to stop wearing his shirts.
jen Said,
Please, please, Please Patrick recap Maci’s segments. I know it’s hard but I actually do find it entertaining. She’s the ultimate example of how bs this show has become. She is clearly so well paid by MTV and that’s enabled her and Kyle to sit around and do nothing but she maintains her life is so tough because she’s a “teen mom”. it’s as tired as catelynn and tyler discussing carlie.
Dani Said,
What a frickin emotionally stunted dysfunctional family that Deb and her offspring are. Everyone of them are such miserable souls. They can’t stand each other but yet they won’t quit hanging around each other either. Gah. I can hardly take it and where is PETA when you need them? Instead of throwing red paint on the fur wearing celebs they need to be secretly monitoring this family who should never ever be allowed to own a pet of any variety. Seriously PETA, this is like a red alert for your organization.
You Go Get Eat-Eat Said,
LMAO @ “forehead to forehead”

Didn’t Maci where that oversized blue tank in last weeks episode? And is Frankenberry wearing his red Reckless tee AGAIN?
Joe's Rap Career Said,
The obvious “RECKLESS” brand endorsement was so irritating. Anything to bring in more dough without actually having to do any kind of work.
Celeste Said,
Can someone answer this question? Why is Farrah such a bi&*% to her parents? I have not seen previous seasons so I am clueless but am dying to know. Was she abused by her parents or is she just a nasty person period?
Circle eye liner Said,
Please tell Ashley not to draw circles around her eyes w eyeliner and orange is out. She and Farrah need to check themselves into a Bitch rehab. Jet lagged Deb always gets stuck w Sophia whole Farrah runs “errands”. I agree Debra Who should’ve left wo paying for their rice noodles. She was up 22 hours flying from Iowa to Florida by way of London? Isn’t there a shorter flight?

Stitch was so enjoying the blow dryer on his member. He was even smiling into the camera. Sophia went straight for his &$@”! Too freaking funny. Why didn’t Farrah just stick it under her nail dryer?

Debra was applauded by me for telling that skank off! Bain de soleil doesn’t work, Ashley!
Someone in the trailer park's been talking Said,
My rating for this episode is as follows: one long yawn followed by two tongue clicks some throat clearing then a right wink and left wink, a 3xl perry Ellis shirt, four cans of orange spray paint, and three shifts at the quilting store…
Come on suitcase Said,
I want a spin off in the style of Amish Out of Order only the teen mom cast is sent to live Anish style a few months.

There’d be no school for Maci or Bint Lee. Carol could churn butter for Gary. Amber couldnt sleep the whole day. Ryan could race horse drawn carts. Butch could snort flour with no fear of background checks. Catelynns and Ty could quilt. And Farrah could raise dogs while Sophia paints the fences with OPI.
Dreaming of Goo Said,
Yes I agree, please try and recap Maci’s segments. I know the poor girl is bricks, as is bulldog, but it would be totes amazing. That being said, I know the recaps must be painful to write to begin with, and I appreciate you do it for the love of us, your grateful audience. Maybe have a special ‘bricks’ day on Thursday for the Maci recap.

Did Farrah say Goo Goo or goodnight baby Goo or something like that at one point in this episode? I was only half watching, and it was late at night, so I may have dreamed it…
Fake Hypnotist Said,
Seeing those red rims on Ky’s car . . . caused me to look for examples of all the “kids” pissing away their MTV money during this episode.

Changing the subject, what an insult to be evicted from a trailor park due to a background check! That red suitcase scene–classic!!
The uneaten container of cheese balls Said,
Bentley is 2 1/2 and she is putting him in preschool 3 days a week that is conveniently at the childcare facility and you can just enroll him anytime? What is the bottomline? He switched daycare classrooms??

I admire Gary’s moms approach as far as how she keeps trying to tell Gary that Amber needs help, move on, etc. Why doesn’t he get it???

Can you imagine how smelly Cate and Ty’s trailer must be?? You can clean the cabinets and vacuum all you want, but the smell of cigarette smoke and dog comes with its own essence!
Wednesdaystreat Said,
YES! I too have had nightmares about the stench that must be Cate and Ty’s trailer! Grooooossssssssss!

The more I read about Butch and talking to his suitcase, the madder I am at my DVR for not recording!!!! Tonight!!! I WILL record the rerun!
Amber's Egged Car Said,
Ashley has a little person’s face. There I said it. Ive been holding that in since Season 1. Foo Fighters’ drummer has it too. Little Face Big Body Syndrome I call it.
Sophia painting the dog was clearly revenge for not getting the fish. Her horse’s head in bed ala Godfather moment toddler style.

Everytime I see Tyler & Butch talk I like to imagine Amber & Leah having the exact same conversation in 15 yrs. Someone needs to go undercover at Amber’s rehab; Im 99% sure Howard K. Stern is dispensing the meds.

So Bint-lee wont need to learn Spanish cuz he’ll never live in Mexico? Think again Ryan. As soon as her Mtv money runs out Maci will be doing donkey shows in Mexico. Im calling it now.
funkster166 Said,
Yes you need a background check in some of the “nicer” trailer parks. I do find it funny they will not let Butch live there, meanwhile the next door neighbor probably tokes regularly. I know I have some crazy ass red neck neighbors across the street. none work and all probably have records or suspended licenses and always have a can of beer, so they need to not point fingers there.

I am surprised that the only reference to GarBars moms shirt was Honey and nothing was mentioned about “sweet as honey”. Also the cartoon when butch was evicted..He was thrown out on his ass with a tom sawyer like tote..you know the stick with the end tied off with a cloth and all possessions inside…loved it!

Maci is just dumb. Daycare is not just sitting the kids. They do the same thing that preschool does, except it is cheaper. I pay 135 a week for 4 full days of daycare. My cousin pays more for 2 days a week for 2 hrs of preschool. She just wants to control everything and please wear your contacts..
tyler loves my-kuhl Said,
My hubby and I were also laughing our asses off at bitch #1 and bitch #2 leaving baby goo to get trashed and complain about leaving deb and baby alone! Uh hello…? What a pair of dumb ass c-bags. I actually felt sorry for debra last night. She seemed so sad and her only reason for living is a brat aka bitch on wheels in training. When oh when is Tyler is going to come out of the closet already? Loved how “surprised ” his mom acted when he came over ….guess that camera crew and three producers in her living room weren’t a tip off he was on his way. Sigh. Maci? Sigh.
tyler loves my-kuhl Said,
Oh just remembered! Am I crazy or does farrah act like a loving responsible mom when her family is around, yet when it’s just the two of them it’s all “don’t make a mess in MY HOUSE!!!” “SOPHIA! Take a nap now!” “Stop crying!!!” …..just me?
Leah's Fat Sister Said,
Scopped Liver, your name made me cry with laughter.
Liam's Mommy Said,
I’m surprised you didn’t comment on Debra’s creepy “My Baaaaaby…. My Goooo Goooooooo” comment as the scene faded out.
Dalis' Ring Pop Said,
@ Tyler love my-kuhl, I noticed that too!

Farrah doesn’t seem very maternal or nurturing around Sophia at all, unless she is in front of someone. And if that is how she acts alone ON CAMERA imagine how bad she must be when MTV isn’t there. Sophia doesn’t even have a chance to grow up normal..poor thing!
Suitcase Obedience School Said,
So I’m thinking Catelynn and Tyler’s trailer hood is the equivalent of a gated community/housing addition in the rest of the country? So here are the top ten things that might be found there:

1. One of those big metal things that cows drink out of (a jacuzzi) The residents take turns boiling the water or sitting in it farting to make bubbles.
2. A gazebo in the center of the park for get togethers on fourth of July, Labor Day, or to celebrate residents’ special moments like getting accepted for food stamps.
3. The trailer at the end serves as a makeshift computer lab- a place to fill out online applications and such- there are a couple Commodore 64s and one of those huge first computers that fill up a whole wall.
4. The lady in trailer 5 provide some light medical services bc she used to work at a vet’s office. She can give insulin shots, pull teeth, and treat lice.
5. There’s a great neighborhood crime watch gang– a few residents have some stolen guns w the serial numbers scratched off so they can shoot at potential burglars.
6. All the trailers are updated with the latest appliance colors– avocado green or harvest gold.
7. Madge in trailer 9 provides child care at low cost to residents. She even teaches them how to fill out government assistance paperwork by age 7. Her group has the highest government acceptance rate in the county.
8. There is a huge cat population (the highest in the state) therefore very few mice are ever seen.
9. Each summer, the local kids have a Nehi Grape stand and put on a puppet show using live cockroaches with string attached to their jointed bodies. Proceeds go toward whoever’s dad needs bail $ the most.
10. Instead of swimming, the residents do year round dumpster diving. There are some good finds, too. Last week Marlene found one crutch and a baby crib missing only one leg.
8
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
Suitcase Obedience School – I just had to grab my emergency inhaler for the asthma attack you caused with your list of “features” offered in Tyler and Catelynn’s “gated community” – I’m laughing THAT hard! OMGoodness, this is SO true (and therefore, even funnier)!
tyler loves my-kuhl Said,
‘Live cockroaches with strings attached ” bwahaha! Maybe a few dead dismembered kittens as well?
Dreaming of Goo Said,
Thanks Liam’s Mommy… so I didn’t dream it! Phew.
Ryan's Future Tongue Click Said,
I am so in love with all the creative names for commenters! This site is such a treasure
River's Flat Iron Said,
Ashley does look like she has a little person’s face. I was trying to figure out what was so weird about it. She should go live with the Roloff’s a while.

I’m sorry but Stitch’s painted “fingernail” is hilarious. I bet Debra Who helped Sophia pick the color. “oh no babeeee….. Gamma thinks puppy’s weiner would look much better in Popsicle Pink. That’s good. Use nice long strokes.”
Brenda Walsh Said,
Since the beginning of this show I have felt that Debra was an alcoholic, based off her appearance and mannerisms. Maybe that is why Farrah and Ashley have such messed up lives? Guess we’ll have to wait for Farrah’s book to come out to find out the truth!

I also thought it was a bit ironic that Debra pointed out that Farrah had run everyone off. While true, that’s a bit the pot calling the kettle black, no? I mean, both of Deb’s kids hate her, moved out (in Farrah’s case halfway across the country, in Ashley’s case as soon as she turned 18), and Michael divorced her (or maybe they are just separated, either way they’re not together). So, Debra, where is your inner circle?

Not defending Farrah, as she is reprehensible and clearly IS repeating the cycle for Sophia, but still. There’s a reason she is so heinous.
If Catelyn and Teresa's Hairlines Meet Said,
If everyone wants to feel REALLY REALLY bad about yourself, to to Tylers Twitter and check out pix of their new house….Its beautiful..sigh..I think they got the last laugh….well, better them than Jenelle and Keiffer..
Amby's hand piercing Said,
I hate how all these idiots have very nice homes/condos now b/c of this “reality show”. I cant wait to hear about what they’re going to do years and years from now– seeing most of them dont have a degree in…well, anything! (or any REAL life work experience outside of there dinky towns, mind you!)
Joe's Hoe's Said,
Maci should be nicknamed Miss Magoo. Why oh why is she wearing those glasses?
Farrah's Random Neighbor Watching Sophia Today Said,
Jobs For Teen Mom Cast Members When Their Contracts With MTV Are Over:

1. Maci- she will open a photo lab that specializes in developing Polaroid prints only (put that journalism degree to use, Bricks)

2. Ky- he will still be trying to find out where the auditions for The Young And The Reckless are being held.

3. Rine- he will be doing the sound effects/voice overs for the Roadrunner cartoons (put that Tourette’s to good use buddy.

4. Ambuh- she will be used as a Braille reader for the blind. All those piercings have to eventually connect to form words.

5. Gary- will sell all his stretched out tshirts to cover MLB fields during rain delays.

6. Carol- will have a chance to put those scrubs to use as she will be Gary’s home health care nurse’s aide bc he has eaten himself into his bedroom/office at the ski chalet.

7. Catelynn- will finally get that resume done and be promoted to manager at the Cato.

8. Tyler- will write a best selling novel based on his life about the hardships of not knowing if you’re black, white, gay, or straight.

9. Butch- will market his own line of hair care products for gray, wiry, mullets and sell them on QVC right after the Smashbox segment.

10. Debra- will star in the next Dr Seuss movie- in which she is a cross between Edward Trash claw hands and a Who.

11. Michael- will be in a mental institution drawing a check from the government.

12. Farrah- will breed dogs out of her apartment and charge extra for painted genitals.
Claire Said,
The comment about Catelyn’s giant forehead being used as a pin cushion had me crying! I myself have a 4-finger forehead, so I really can’t talk, but that’s some funny shit.
tyler loves my-kuhl Said,
@Dalis’ ring pop : I’m happy you noticed too…as far as the film crew goes, they once stood by and let baby goo fall off a very high bed and also let the brat paint the puppy’s peen pink (hey! Alliteration!) so they are apparently not much help.
Yourtanktopsarestupid Said,
Maci: I just look at all my other friends without babies and their my age. And I think, “What are YOU doing?”

Oh Maci, you jest! WTF are YOU doing all day long? Cause you’re not going to school, not working, and Ry’s parents have your kid half the week.
Kat Said,
Was I the only one who took the comment to Farrah about no one left standing as a dig about the dead baby daddy? That was my first thought was “wow what a low blow” even though I think we all know most of what Farrah does is played up for the show.
Erin Said,
Why does Amber always look like she is high or about to fall asleep whenever she talks to JJ? I am just waiting for her to pass out at any second.
Isaac's Giant Sneakers Said,
I am dying to know where Amber gets her faux eye-lashes. They look like they weigh about 3 lbs each. There was only one scene last night where she could lift those lids enough to see her eye-balls.
Hachet Face Said,
@Farrah’s Random Neighbor … I am sitting in my cubicle with tears rolling down my face reading your post! Bravo … slow clap … Bravo!
Your Puffy Leather Said,
Lmao @ commenter Farrah’s Random Neighbor Watching Sophia. Spot on! 
HandPierced Said,
The clothing store Catelynn was working at is TJ Maxx in Port Huron. I saw her there! I was so start struck I fumbled with my phone and missed a great photo op. IDK if Ty works there, but Catelynn was working there last summer.

Remember when Catelynn and April went to see the lawyer and said Butch was in Tuscola County jail? Well, Tuscola County is very far away from where they live, I can’t imagine why he was there. But, I have a friend who works at that jail and he said that Butch is apparently even more charming in real like that he appears on TV.

PS Whoever said that Kyle looks like Farrah’s dog is a genius!
Bricks...that is all Said,
I seriously laughed out loud 7 times… Too funny! I can’t believe how rude the oompa loompas are to Debra, she should have taken Goo and ran for the border when she had the chance.

I wonder how Amber is enjoying jail.
Juice Head f/k/a Conspiracy Man Said,
Catelynn and April have five-heads, not foreheads….

But seriously . . . Take my wife . . .
Yasmeen Said,
I always thought Farrah’s sister was normal, UNTIL I saw this debacle. I was like, oh, shit, she’s just as nutty as Farrah. Debra deserved that moment, where she just snapped her right back into place. Oh well, Farrah’s feelings are hurt- its the truth. Love that Butch was back, and loved that he differentiates himself from the common alchie, and says he prefers cocaine. Oh really dude? Maci disapoints me everytime. She’s a lucky girl, who I thought would get educated. A two year applied science degree isn’t going to cut it. Why not just go for the college prep? Its not like she’s going to break the bank going to community college??? Come on. As for Amber, its boring as we know she’s going to jail, why even bother. The drugs fried her brain a long time ago.
LisaP Said,
@amber’s egged car: little person face!!! hilarious. and so true. that’s just what she looks like.
Debras green wig aka Ryans Yawn Said,
Jeez, the Who family is all kindsa crazy..who knew? Debra is a passive-aggressive nut, Farrah is a ball-busting bitch, and Ashley is a crazy oompa-loompa. And crazy-eyed Sophia is going to end up just like them. And I hope karma is a bitch and Sophia treats Farrah as shitty as she treats Debra.

How many times do we have to watch Maci take Bint-lee to pre-school? It’s old. And I love how Ryan and his mother act like pre-school is the most ridiculous thing they ever heard of. And Ryan isn’t exactley a ringing endorsement for not sending Bint-lee to preschool…
Joe's Rap Career Said,
These comments this week are even more hilarious than usual! “Farrah’s Random Neighbor Watching Sophia”- amazing. “Suitcase Obedience School” & “River’s Flat Iron”- your names are also amazing lol
Amber's Acne Said,
Maci and Kyle are being sent “Yong & Reckless” shirt by Chris “Drama” Pfaff. If you read her Twitter, she took a pic with a whole shit ton of his shirts with the caption “Thanks Drama.”

Plus, if you recall, Rob Dyrdek’s Fantasy Factory was an MTV show, which Chris was a part of, so it’s basically MTV Family hooking each other up. I love Chris, but the blatant product placement is ridic.
Amber's Acne Said,
Also, my nephew has daycare and preschool at the same place, so it’s not unlikely.
:) Said,
Personally, I think Tyler and Catelynn will be fine financially. They’re both still working, they bought and paid off a house, they have cars, and they’re both in school. You can tell they don’t spend their money on pointless trash like the others.
Tyler's Gay Lover Said,
OMG! The person who said Ashley has the face of a little person is so right! Hahahaha! I couldn’t put my finger on exactly what was strange about her, but that’s it!

I’m going to miss this show just because of this blog. At least we still have TM2 to make fun of.

Speaking of TM2…..Has anyone read about Keiffah’s new online “tobacco” pipe business? Keiffspipes.com or something like that. Snort. And, Bab’s bitch of a daughtah is back with him, apparently.
Kiera Said,
Ryan needs to lay off the coke, it’s causing too much post-nasal drip.

I felt sorry for that dog, I’m sure nail polish remover on the peen wasn’t too comfortable.

Ashley was actually a bigger b- than Farrah, I didn’t think that would be possible. What a nightmare to have those two as your daughters.
Scopped Liver Said,
I was going to change my name to Painted Dog Ween, but I see Stitch’s Painted Dinky already has that covered. I’ll stick with Scopped Liver for the time being.
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
We all love you just the way you are, Scopped Liver – don’t ever change!
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Amber's Footprint on Gary's Back Said,
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