Jun
20

Teen Mom Recap: Farrah and the Fairytale of Local Registered Sex Offenders

Posted by IBBB

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Hey y’all it’s time for another crapisode of Teen Mom. Sadly this episode was a little slow (like Kyle trying to find the toaster in the tree in a Highlights magazine) but hopefully this recap will breathe a little life into it. I have no idea what that means. However, if you like what you read feel free to click on the “Recommend” button that’s all over the place so that this recap can be shared with everyone you know…and your mother. Especially your mother. Whilst you’re at it, click here to join me on my Facebook page and we can chat about Teen Mom all the live-long day. Find your very own pen-pal!

Amber - It’s amazing what a little Malibu rehab can do for your pencil-thin eyebrows. Let’s just say the sunshine and heat really make them pop…just like an all you can eat buffet will do to Gary’s seat-belt extender during his flight to visit Ambjikistan. I mean, opening up with any other jokes besides “fat ones” is just a plain old waste of time. A waste of time like when Carol flips over the box of Double-Stuffed Oreo’s to see if there is double the calories. Our beloved Gar Bear puts on his Sunday best and heads off to the lawyer to see if he can get everything worked out so that he and Leah can visit Amber in Malibu rehab. I was surprised that Gar could afford a lawyer. I was waiting for Amber to come busting out of the wall (like Hey Koolaid), slap Gary on the hand, and yell “EXPENSIVE!” and then, of course, wash his face with a baby wipe and Hoover his beard for crumbs and the like. Even though Gary is working his fattest hardest he is unable to see Amber and her facia bruta this coming weekend. This makes Amber very angry, but not angry enough to have to hit someone and go directly to “gel.” She is looking a bit dead behind the eyes (like any given Kardashian) whilst chatting on the phone with Gary about her dumb luck. Between her Sharpie eyebrows, face piercing, sloppily applied makeup, 7 inch Lee Press-On Nail and blotchy tan streaks she really is like a Bratz Doll come to life and, you know what, I wouldn’t want Amby-pants looking any other way!

The voice of reason in this crapisode is going to be Gary’s MILF, Carol. She brings Leah back to the ski chalet and I began to squeal with delight when the front door opened and Leah slowly walked in while peaking around the corner before setting foot in the house. The look on her face said, “Where is that crazy b*tch Amber? I know she’s hiding around here somewhere and I know I’m going to get my ass kicked down the stairs and, well, it’s going to get kicked fast.” Carol is sporting her trademark “scrunchie” that really says, “Hey boys, yes I’ve completely given up.” I like to make the assumption that if that’s what’s holding her hair back you can only imagine what’s holding her FUPA together. Hanes Her Way perhaps? Most likely. Unless she just goes commando and lets it all hang out in her Wrangler’s (Husky, obviously). Anyprisonglasses, Carol thinks that Amber isn’t really going to change just because she’s doing a stint in “the ‘hab” and that Gary needs to worry the most about Leah and not about his obese love for Amby-pants. More importantly, why do I want to bring her to the car wash and let her run through it a couple of times? Just me? Moving on.

Meanwhile, back in sunny Malibu Amber is meeting with one of her “people” to talk about what level of crazy she is currently at. Has she hit tilt? We’re about to find out. Apparently Amber thinks she’s at “100%” (her quote) and all she needed was a change in her meds and getting away from people who deserved an ass kicking (looks like Leah’s hunch was pretty spot on!). I think Amber is right. She does seem 100%. Like a ham as an appetizer for Gary and his mom on Flag Day, she’s cured. See what I did there? Ba da ba ba ba, I’m an idiot! But the fun doesn’t stop at Amber thinking she’s 100% because the therapist guy wants Amber to call her brother and see what he has to say. Evidently he holds the key to the secrets that Amber’s mind will not go to in regards to her childhood. I mean, let’s just call it like it probably is. Her dad probably drank and looked for his misplaced keys up her “gentlemen greeter.” Allegedly. Who’s with me? Her brother just keeps saying that she and Gary shouldn’t be together because their relationship is toxic and that Gary tries to control her every move and that’s why she never finished high school. Slow down there Skippy. Amber never graduated high school because she was eating Taco Bell and delivering a baby at 16 years old. There’s a difference.

Back at the ski chalet, Leah is being very very bad because she’s eating cake off the floor in the corner all whilst Gary is trying to clean the place and talk to Amber about how he’s had enough of her being a bad girl. Honestly, I wasn’t sure if he was referring to Leah or Amber. Either way all I know is that Della Reese should be “on set” all the time testing Leah for Diabetes. After Gar stops sassing on the phone, he tells Amber that he and Leah will be coming to visit her tomorrow. You totally know he had to buy three seats. Ugh why am I going to all fat jokes today? Maybe it’s because this episode was a bit of a snooze. Moreover, whilst Gar was chatting with Amb you can see Leah screaming in the background and carrying around a giant Swiffer. As if that house ever received the benefit of that! Leah should use it as a weapon to keep off Amber once she’s back from the ‘hab and back on her pills. Truth be told I kind of hope that Carol comes on this trip to because seeing her in jean shorts and a nuns shirt with a scrunchie in the LA area please needs to be documented on film. I must see her washed up on the shore, STAT. P.S., I’ve decided that since Gary’s gut hangs out of all of this t-shirts he should start wearing a cumberbund on the regular. For real. Every day can be like the Prom!

Farrah – To no surprise Farrah is a complete d-bag yet again in this episode. She’s finally in Florida (good luck with her, citizens of Fort Lauderdale) and Michael is there to help her fly a kite with Baby Goop on the beach. It’s really a lovely moment until Michael simply asks Farrah to watch Sophia near the water and Farrah reacts like he told her he was going to fly the kite with Debra’s trash claw and then use the butcher knives on her. Since Sophia was being brought up in a “house of angry” she lashes out at Michael just like Farrah does by demanding that he let her use the kite by saying, “Gimme. Give it to be now!” The sad part is that they just let her talk like that. I would have told her she was going to be thrown in the ocean and will go visit her daddy if she keeps up that backtalk. But, I mean, that would just be parenting style. Perhaps you have your own. I seem to think putting the fear of God in a child helps keep them on the straight and narrow. P.S., that kite was dumb.

Later, Farrah is busy interviewing part-time nannies because she really wants to make sure she bleeds away all the money that MTV gives her instead of banking it since this will be her last season on television and, quite frankly, making any money at all. I was surprised that Debra wasn’t in the interview line wearing a fright wig and a trench coat. She’d do anything to be near that Baby Goop. Either way, Farrah’s interviewing skills are as good as her “culinary management” skills because she asks the African American nanny is there is a lot of crime in her neighborhood. Seriously? If I were the nanny I would have clocked her in the braces. After the interviewing portion is over she decides to call Debra because clearly she wants to get into a fight with someone and, well, it can’t be the nanny or the camera man. She lets Debra know about which classes she’s registered for and I’m totally stumped. It’s classes like “Appreciation of Art” and “Intro to Fairytales.” I’m not even joking. Debra is disappointed because she thinks that Farrah didn’t need to move all the way to Florida to take classes like that, whereas I argue that Farrah doesn’t need college for classes like that. She needs pre-school and perhaps summer camp. The conversation only gets better because as she’s talking to Debra, Farrah is online and figures out that she’s living next to a ton of registered sex offenders, but the good news is that the nanny lives next to less sex offenders than she. At least living here will keep Sophia in shape because she’s always going to be running from someone. Debra freaks out and makes sure that Farrah always watches Sophia, especially at the playground. She tells her that she should even get on the slide with Sophia to make sure no one gets her. Hmmm sounds like Debra has tried “getting” Sophia on the slide before. Interesting.

In the end Michael finally peaces out of Florida and Farrah celebrates by taking Sophia to the pet store to buy a fish. They, of course, get sidetracked by playing with the puppies first and then suddenly Farrah tries to change Sophia’s mind by asking her over and over and over and over again if she’s sure she’d rather a fish than a dog. Sophia keeps saying she wants a fish so Farrah ends up getting her a dog instead. I think it’s a great idea. The first dog they had worked out really well. I’m sure they’ll end up throwing this puppy in the ocean as soon as it gives Farrah the side-eye. I hope they name the dog Michael. I also think it’s perfect that Farrah has a tiny dog because then she can completely own her Miss Gulch impression. As soon as Sophia is bad (which will be any minute now) she’ll snatch (giggity) that dog from Sophia, toss it in her bike basket, and pedal off into Kansas. What the hell am I talking about?

Catelynn – It’s graduation time for Cate and Ty and Ty is getting into the graduation spirit by saying things like “Heeeeeeeeey” when he takes out his cap and gown. He was about 2 minutes away from a “z snap and a twist” but that’s ok. We don’t judge here at this blog. We. Don’t. Judge. Oh wait, no that’s all we do. Sometimes I forget. It’s a real special time for these two because they claim they thought they weren’t going to make it to graduation when they were in the 5th grade. Really? You want to know what I was worried about in 5th grade? Not having sporadic bed wetting accidents at a sleepover. It’s tough being a ten year old. Moving on. Cate is still committing to that Hello Kitty-style bow in her helmet hair. Somehow she morphed into Jane Jetson, that one time when she borrowed Judy’s hair bow. Anyone else remember that? There’s a good chance I just dreamt about it and it never happened. Go easy on me at least I wasn’t wetting the bed.

Catelynn’s dad and her brother are in town for the big graduation. We’ve all met her dad before, but I wasn’t aware she had a brother. His name is River. He’s in a wheelchair or as I’m sure Butch would think of it as a “Space Seat!” Since poor River is confined to the chair he has plenty of time to hot iron is hair straight to the point where you’re not sure if he is with or without a vag. Apparently River was in a car accident when he was younger and lost the ability to use his legs so Tyler and Cate’s dad pick up the chair and bring it into the trailer. That’s a whole lot of wheels in one place at one time. All this bonding time for Cate and her dad makes Tyler miss Butch. Luckily he gets a call from Butch in prison letting him know that he’s getting out of the slammer but a day after the graduation. He also mentions that he can’t afford to buy him a graduation gift but he’ll at least get him a card. I’m sure he’ll be stealing one from the Dollar Tree and will, in turn, be heading back to the slammer. I truly hope that he becomes cellmates with Amber. Truth be told, if they aired that on Pay Per View I would buy it for myself…and all of America. I would take out a small business loan. The bank would understand.

There wasn’t really a lot else going on with these two in this episode. Although, it was great to see the return of their friend Square Hair. For reasons that even I don’t understand as soon as I saw her appear on screen I put both fists in the air and yelled Hazaar! This time around Square Hair had her hair in a bun-like form placed directly on the top of her head. It was like a mix of Katherine Hepburn and Helen Keller. Until just now I hadn’t realized they were two different people. The More You Know. Also appearing for the first time all season was April!! She is just as darling as we all remember. She may have been drunk or high or both because she was being really nice to Catelynn and telling her how proud of her she was for graduating. She said something like, “I haven’t been this proud of you since you gave up Carly.” Was that a dig? Not for nothing, but if April wanted Cate to keep the baby so badly why didn’t she just buy it from her? Regardless the most important piece of this scene wasn’t the fact that April was being nice and crying tears of joy/meth, but the fact that her bangs start at the very top of her head. She is a perfect contender for those clip-on hair pieces that those women try to sell you in the middle of the mall. You know the ones.

In the end, Ty and Cate head off to graduation and keep saying things like “now we can do anything we ever wanted” and “our lives start today.” I’m sorry, good for them, but we are talking about high school graduation right? It is a nice accomplishment since they live in poverty, but it’s not like that high school diploma is getting them the penthouse apartment or anything. And quit bragging about your community college. I mean, it’s basically like high school again but without lockers. However, I am just a terrible person but am still proud of these two. Selling your baby to nice white folks really does open up a lot of doors for your future I guess. We get to see some home footage of Cate and Ty walking across stage to get their diploma all whilst Ty’s mom wipes away tears of joy…many of which would have been absorbed by her shoulder pads. And all was right with the world.

Maci – Ugh. So…uh…to sum up she’s going to crash Ryan’s family’s summer vacation in Florida (say hi to Farrah!) with Bint-Lee. Kyle won’t be going because he deflects natural sunlight. We also learn that Ryan has a new girlfriend who his mom says is “sweet.” Just as sweet as the mom’s haircut I hope…and pray. I’m never one to throw a stone about bad skin because growing up I was a complete mess. However, I took to “the Accutane” like a moth to a flame and in 4 short months my skin was completely clear and has been ever since. I mean sure I bet my insides have rotted and if I were to to impregnate someone the baby would most likely come out with 4 heads and 15 sets of hands but, still, my face is really clear and it truly is what’s on the outside that matters. I think Maci should give that a whirl. Plus, all those pills you take have a picture of a pregnant lady with a big “x” through her on the back of each and every pill in the package. I’m not joking. It looks like the “no smoking” symbol. At least it would be a daily reminder for Maci to keep her legs closed for a few months. In the end, Maci bores me and all her scenes were about going to Florida so she can babysit Bint-Lee one day on the beach. Yawn. Oh! I guess I finally understand why Ryan does it all the time!

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Teen Mom Episode Rating: One April, One Butch, and One Barb “Working Her Balls Off to Survive Here!”

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109 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

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Amby's hand piercing Said,
If i could sucker punch one person in this world just for fun, it would be Farrah! I still cannot believe this girl talks to her parents the way she does, and they hardly blink an eye. If i ever talked to my parents like that, I’d have hell to pay. She is seriouslyl such a bitch, i almost cannot believe its for real. Doesnt she know she is BEING FILMED and everyone is going to think she is a horrible person? hmmm, guess not!
Also, yea her getting a puppy is great. how long till we see her holding it over the toilet saying “go potty! go potty!”
Not Goggles Said,
This episode was pretty much a snooze, but great recap..

Farrah is totally getting what’s coming to her with Baby Goo.. When she told her it was bed time, Sophia said “I don’t care!” And for Santa Christs’ sake, take the damn paci out of her mouth.

Maci.. Boring. Bint-Lee is adorable.

I’m so glad April is in our life again.. This was also our first glimpse of Kim and her 80s hair. Ty needs to exit the closet in a fabulous manner.

How do you pierce your face below your eye? I’ve never seen that before. I sure hope Gar-bear Swiffered the floor before he let Leah eat cake off of it. That little girl will either be obese or bat-shit crazy, and right now, it’s looking like obesity is winning.
Hachet Face Said,
Poor Leah …. I can only hope that when they have the inevitable “Teen Mom: Where Are They Now?” 20-year reunion special, she’s drunk and eating a hamburger off the floor of the ski chalet Hasselhoff-style
Square Hair Said,
<—- yes!! This has been my name since that episode and I was so glad to see that she made a comeback!

I can't believe how Farrah talks to her dad (and mom) either. That is her real dad, isn't it? That sounds so disrespectful when she starts all her sentences with his first name or ends a sentence with it. Ugh! And she doesn't even do anything to Sophia when she is a little brat! Wonder what random lady Farrah will drop the puppy off with in a couple of days, now??

Not sure if anyone watched the after show, but Maci has some new Cruella DeVille type 'do and a new huge shoulder tattoo!
Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,
I can’t wait for the day Michael snaps and kills his whole family.I used to loathe Catelynn and Tyler but now Farrah and Sophia have taken the top spot as the couple I love to hate.
Square Hair Said,
Yay!! Square Hair has been my anonymous name ever since the first time we saw her! So glad she made a comeback!! baahaha!

I seriously can’t stand how Farrah talks to her dad (and mom) either. The way she starts or ends her sentences with his first name sounds so disrespectful! And she doesn’t even do anything to Sophia when she is a little brat either!! Wonder what random lady they will drop the puppy off with in a few days, this time??

Not sure if anyone watched the after show, but Maci has some new Cruella DeVille hair color and a huge shoulder tattoo.
Legend Said,
it takes me so long to read these updates because I laugh so effing hard at work I have to keep mnimizing it so people don’t think I’m losing my shit over here. “Space seat”…..i seriously peed in my pants a little.
Conspiracy Man Said,
I woke up this morning realizing I’m on vacation and less than 10 miles from Oak Island, NC. I am less than 10 miles from Kieffer and Barb. I think Jenelle lives a bit further away. My girlfriend and I arenleaving in a few to find the OTB and try to stack cake with Kieffer. If anyone has any cool ideas let me know, so I can stalk appropriately.
Conspiracy Man Said,
I also drove past Anderson, IN on the way. My girlfriend flew due to chemo.
Sara Said,
I watched all of 30 seconds last night. I unfortunately witnessed the phone call between Debra and Farrah. I had to change the channel b/c I was about to throw my tv out the window. Farrah’s just out of this world hateful.

Sometimes I wish that knife incident had ended differently….

Good recap, and good on you for continuing to stomach that trash. Without you I’d have no idea how the lovely ladies are faring. I’d assume they’d all be in a ditch somewhere, and wouldn’t be totally wrong, but now I know HOW they ended up in the ditch. Kudos.
Conspiracy Man Said,
My girlfriend just remijded me that the otb is called Sweepstakes’ and
I can’t wait to look for kdelp on the grassy knolls of Oak Island. We are also hitting the area meat counters in hopes of a Babs sighting.
Conspiracy Man Said,
The apostrophe was a mistake. I am proud of my proper usage of this simple punctuation feature we all learned in second grade.
Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,
And Sophia calls her grandfather Michael,too.I hate this show so much.I only watch it because of the recaps.MTV owes IBBB some money!!!
SZ Said,
Why is Farrah such a stone cold b*tch? She needs some mood stabilizers, stat!

And can anyone decipher for me what Tyler said in the first few mins of the episode when they are opening their caps & gowns? Catelynn says something about the cap messing up her hair and Tyler replies, “You? What about me, am I ____ liver!” I had to rewind it to hear again, but I’m pretty sure he said ’scopped liver’. I suppose he means chopped liver. Catelynn was right on when she declared Tyler to be “so wise” when they were at the staged meeting around the picnic table w/friends. Truer words were never spoken.

And… it is sooooo creepy that Ryan’s parents still have photos of him and Maci hanging all over their walls 3 yrs later! Why hasn’t someone told them to take them down? Live in the now!!
Natalie Said,
Odd how Catelyn and Tyler are just graduating H.S., (I think the only 2 that actually DID), yet all the others are seemingly old enough to drink? Or did it take Cate and Ty 5 extra years to get to this point? How long have we been watching this crap?

Farrah is the biggest bitch on television!! Stellar parenting you did on THAT one, Debra!! Debra IS annoying, esp when she goes on her weird rants about Baby and how she talks in the third person, yet she doesn’t quite. Shes nuts. But Farrah is the most disrespectful little biyotch of a daughter I have ever seen. Even Janelle tries to be nice to Barb at times. Farrah doesn’t even try. Fate took the wrong parent away from Baby Goo, me thinks. You can already tell Sophia’s apple ain’t fallin far from that tree, shes a little brat, just like mommy.

Did Amber’s ugly mug have a piercing under her eye, or was that a bejazzled rhinestone sticker? Keepin things classy in Malibu, I see. Gotta feel bad for Leah, shes so confused and obviously terrified of Amber.

Patrick, please tell me you didn’t fast forward through all of Maci’s scenes and that you DID, in fact, see those, well….I guess you could refer to them as glasses that her “friend” had on her face when they were all sitting around at the end discussing how its not weird at ALL that Maci invited herself to go on Ryan’s family vacation with Bentley. They were creepy. REALLY creepy! Did anyone else notice these?!?
Amby's hand piercing Said,
I saw those glasses when they were having their staged hangout at Maci’s house!! Those things were horrible and i was wondering: is this girl trying to pull off nerdy/chic/white trash???! yes, i think so….
Joy Said,
I loved how Farrah was spanking her puppy for peeing. Because hitting a dog for a natural bodily function is always the way to fix things. I HATE Farrah. Hate. Amber is trash too but at least she isn’t just balls out rude every single second of the day. She clearly has some real mental illness, whereas Farrah just suffers from clinical bitchery. I say we all stage an intervention and steal that poor puppy. An Maci should be enjoying 5 child free days instead of stalking Ryan’s family at the beach.
Square Hair Said,
Natalie – I also noticed on last week’s episode when I rewatched it last night because I have no life that Amber has dermal piercings on her chest under her neck too…and on her face. And on her lip. And on both hands. Ewww.
Gary's Mom's front yard Pepsi machine Said,
Has anyone seen this-
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NgfcBDvMPFg
Baby Goop is looking like the devil more and more with each passing year.
I think Ambien should take up acting. All of her ‘rehab’ scenes remind me of some sort of afterschool special from the 70’s with Linda Blair or Jan Brady coming off of drugs, drink, and prostitution.
Wednesdaystreat Said,
Ok, I almost could NOT HANDLE watching Farrah this time! That girl is a MESS! Whoever said mood stabilizers was right on! And also whoever mentioned Michael freaking and killing them all is HOPEFULLY correct!! WOW! How long til she either holds the dog over the toilet or puts a diaper on him 24/7? Can you BE any more immature??? Can’t you just see her taking the place of Debra on Teen Mom in 10 years?? I CAN!

Ty was “flamboyant” as ever last night! And yes, River came out of nowhere. Is April his mom? They all have offspring with 10 different people, so probably not. The OTHER little bro isn’t Butch’s either. GAH!

Maci, get a life!!! MOVE ON! She’s just as much living in the past as Ryan’s weirdo parents. She will NEVER get over yawning boy—and will probably ask for a threesome in FL!
Wednesdaystreat Said,
How could I forget Amber? Oh. Yeah. That’s how. High. Fat. Angry. There ya go.
Chin cysts Said,
Dear god. If I were Debra I would just hang up on Farrah and peace the fuck out of her life. Seriously, how does she put up with her constant “anti-christ” attitude? She must be on some strong-ass psychotropic medication from the last domestic incident in order to stomach listening to Farrah.

And why was Ambien so sleepy in rehab? I mean she’s constantly holding a coffee cup in the ‘hab! Must be the bear tranquilizers they gave her to keep her mellow and from beating up her roommates.
Teresa Said,
omg maci irratates the hell outta me!, shes obviously still in love with “riyan”..and please put some make up on! you are truely hideous!
Brenda Walsh Said,
Poor poor Michael. Those 3 days he had alone in FL unloading Farrah’s U-Haul and swanning around her apartment were probably the best few days of his life. No wonder he said he wanted to get a job and move down there!

Ryan’s parents are also clearly with Dr. Drew in the “push Maci and Ryan to get back together” camp. It’s super weird for them to have so many pics of Maci around their house. One or two with Bentley, fine. But pregnant pics of her with Ryan’s hands on her stomach? Not fine!
Claire Said,
Ahhh…Sophia’s inner brat is already shining through. I guess the apple really doesn’t fall far from the tree.

As for the Catelyn/Tyler scenes. There were so many white trash moments, that I don’t know where to start.

Also, I’d be pissed if I lived in Indiana. Now whenever someone mentions that state people with automatically think of Amber’s blockhead, Gary’s backfat, and uncleanliness.
itsallgood Said,
Uughh….I was screaming at the tv when Farrah got that puppy. Stores should not be able to just give anyone an animal. I will be shocked if she is still in possession of that dog at the reunion special. That poor thing.

And Amber seemed like she was hopped up on some mood stabilizers the whole show. It was like she was in slow motion.
Ty's Sideways Hat Said,
Is it me, or does anyone else get reminded of the Bieb-ster when they see Tyler on their screen? Maybe that’s why I hate those crap-bags so much. I honestly tried to watch all their scenes… but, sadly, hit FF after the first two.

Amby took second place as most annoying this week. I don’t know, am I supposed to LEARN from her being in rehab? It doesn’t work, I just get bored to tears. Moving on.

Farrah didn’t bother me as much as she did most of y’all this time… it was pretty entertaining when she kept asking baby goop if she wanted a fish or puppy and despite baby goop insisting fish, they went for the puppy. Baby goop prolly has memories of the last dog and potty training. I wonder if that’s how Farrah potty trains baby goop too, sticks her in the cage when she pees on the floor. And one other thing, how does one ‘play’ with a fish? I mean I’m pretty sure that’s what the petstore lady said Sophia could do, as long as she was supervised. All sorts of confusion in FL already, and it’s only been one flown kite.

Maci. I adore Bentley so Maci gets a pass. However Riiiine’s parents are nuts. Family pictures?! Maci’s ‘friends’ were saying how they didn’t think Ky would like that… how do ya think Riiiine is gonna feel? PS, quite creepy how they still have the ‘family pics’ of Maci, Bentley, and Riine. Maybe they will superimpose Dalis’ pic on Maci. Sounds like a good photoshop project for someone. Yawn.
RiversHair Said,
Can anyone explain to me what Tyler meant by saying his hair wasn’t “slopped” or “chopped” liver!?
RiversHair Said,
Lmao at Michael killing the whole family and Leah eating the hamburge off the floor!! Hahahaha
donna Said,
is amber high during her scenes?i get a contact high just watching.farrah getting the dog was stupid.next episode shell find someone else to pawn this dog on
Darling Nikki Said,
I took the “Accutane” and yes I member the knocked diddly up chick with the x through it. In a way its more safer way than falling down a flight of stairs or using a coat hanger and asprin in the back alley. As.It.Should.Be. As.It.Should.Be.
Chin cysts Said,
It irked me way more than it should that Maci couldn’t be without Bint-lee for ONE WEEK so he can spend time with Riiiiiine. Cut the umbilical cord, princess! Then she’ll be free to pop Accutane like those zits. I took it in high school and my skin wasn’t nearly as bad as hers, and I wasn’t going to show my mug on TV either. Endorsement opportunity?
Unwanted pet store fish Said,
Well this season may be boring so far, but your recaps are at their best! Bravo sir. My not so astute observations:

Catelyer- I swear he said “scopped” liver. Wth? Judy Jetson is insulted right now from the comparison to Catelynn’s hair and she is a cartoon. My hubby and I said the same thing you did to all the “life starts now” convos- “this is just a high school diploma right?”

Maci- nope, nothing weird at all that you tag along on Ryan’s family vacation and his one uninterrupted week with his child. I love how in the room full of her friends, there’s one obligatory black girl in the back as though the producers put her there.

Amber- every time she mentioned not knowing how long she could go without seeing Leah, I would yell at my TV “apparently 5 years!” Ole!

Farrah- she will be the victim of a random hate crime some day. Mark it down. I don’t like to use the C word, but when I do, I’m betting it has to do with her. That dog is way too precious to live in that house. I hope someone has the good sense to dognap it.
Daisy H Said,
First of all I just have to say that Maci is undoubtedly still in love with Ryan. The sad thing is I really think in her mind she thinks Ryan is pining away for her. Get a clue sweetie. I wanted to smack her when she said this new girl doesn’t have a chance. Did anyone else notice the look of disappointment on her face when Ryan told her he had a girlfriend. She literally looked heartbroken. I am sure Kyle noticed too. Anyhow there is no way I would let her tag along on his family vacation. Can you say desperate???? Give the guy a week with his kid without your meddling!!!!

Also Farrah is the devil!!!! I feel so bad for Michael because he is trapped in a world with all of these bitchy women. Even Sophia talks smack to him. Poor guy, I see no joy in his face at all. Also smart move to get a puppy considering it worked so well last time. What a complete dumbass!!!!

Catelyn and Tyler are so boring. We get it you gave up your kid for a better life for all involved. Time to move on. At least April appeared in this episode. I think she was high while talking to Catelyn. She kept sniffing as if she just did a line of coke. She also kept interrupting Catelyn every time she spoke. What a role model that one is!!!!

Amber is a hot mess. Not much to say other than I feel bad for poor Leah who will either be crazy like her mom or obese like her dad. So sad!!!!
donna Said,
why is it alright for maci to live with kyle but dalis cant go on vacation with ryans family?maci and ryan are in fact the ross and rachel of our time and the last episode should be ryan saying did you get off the plane?and maci walks in and says,i got off the plane..
Trash Heap Said,
I HATE the way Maci and Kiiii say love you to Bentley – and each other for that matter. Now he is saying it that way too. Luh eww.
Trash Heap Said,
Oh and Farrah, whyyyyy did you think a puppy was a good idea? New city, new place, new school, oh, let’s get a french bulldog.
Amber's Acne Said,
Haha, I was hoping you’d mention Farrah’s “fairytale’s and archetypes” class.

Anyone notice that nobody on this show is pretending like they don’t have money anymore? Tyler and Catelynn were driving a brand new Cadillac with rims to graduation. Lord.
Trash Heap Said,
“I’m talking to you in a loving way, Farrah”
“Good for you Michael.”

What a bitch.
Cate's long lost brother Said,
So… are Michael and Trash Claw not together? The way he said he’d move to FL if he could get a job there… Maybe it’s just me but that seems like code for somethin
Jenny Said,
@Amber’s Acne – I noticed the cadillac too. Also, Maci just being able to take off to FL with her girlfriends? Farrah being able to buy a puppy on a whim (it’s probably a pretty expensive puppy). I’m sure not too many teen moms get to do all of that. Also, I saw Kyle had a Mercedes sports car in the driveway.
Jenny Said,
@Amber’s Acne – I noticed the Cadillac too, also Maci being able to take off to FL with her girlfriends and Farrah buying a puppy on a whim (it was probably a pretty expensive puppy). Kyle had a Mercedes sports car in the driveway. I’m sure not too many teen moms in real life can do those things.
grassyknoll Said,
“like Kyle trying to find the toaster in the tree in a Highlights magazine” OMG I am already dying here!
Brandon and Teresa's Restraining Order Said,
I was also amused by the fact that Catelynn has an I phone and Tyler was talking to Butch on a 1983 Nokia flip phone.
Michael's Inner Voice Said,
Michael, you must listen to me. Goop is another one of them. You’re doomed. There’s only one way out. First you must save the dog. Go back and distract Farrah with a shiny object, grab the dog and just drive. Drive until you can’t drive anymore. Drive until the lambs stop screaming. They won’t ever look for you. They’ll never even know you’re gone. You’ll be safe. It’s the only way, Michael. It’s the only way.
Cheetah797 Said,
Highlights….Tyler’s Heeeeyyy….Mrs. Gulch. You are alternately the best and worst human being to ever exist. Thank you.
40 & not pregnant Said,
You think piercing is the new cutting? Because if so, Ambers got it. Why the hand, the upper cheek?
Kelly Said,
@Cate’s long lost brother, Michael and Trash Claw are divorced. He doesn’t live with her anymore, he’s just there for filming.
Natalie Said,
Forgot to mention how coked up April was in her “heart to heart” on the bed with Catelyn. She kept snorting and was all sweaty. She was so hyped up and talkative…obviously “HI HI…YAW BOTH HI!!!”

Poor Catelyn is marrying Tyler next month and still hasn’t figured out he is gay.

I wish MTV had sent a camera crew with Michael on his U-Haul trip to Florida. I bet THAT was TV Gold in itself.

Cate’s lost brother – I don’t if they are together or not, they were supposed to get divorced way back in Season 1, or maybe even when Feisty Farrah was pregnant, I forget. But it didn’t happen. I think he is still there because none of the females are legally allowed to be alone together, due to anger issues.
Natalie Said,
The comments on here are just as hilarious as the recap!!

Michael’s Inner Voice…LMAO!
Ok Michael Said,
The best part of this recap was the Barb rating: “working my balls off to survive.” Doesn’t get any better then that!
Amber's Huge Glass of Moscato Said,
The Highlights reference MADE MY DAY!!!

Farrah and Amber both kind of remind me of Goofus from Goofus and Gallant now that I think about it.
ang Said,
was it just me or did april look like she had a black eye?
Wednesdaystreat Said,
Yeah, I noticed and about exploded when Farrah was reading her classes to Debra over the phone and didn’t know the word ARCHETYPES. Wouldn’t somebody with a culinary excellence management or whatever BS degree know this word?? NO? oh.
Amby's hand piercing Said,
Was one of her classes REALLY and truely called “intro to fairytales”??? Dear God….does this girl ever take normal, typical college level courses?? oh, no? ok, just checking. Bricks.

I cant wait for Farrahs book to come out My Teenage Dream- Ended. AHAHAHAHAHA
Kate Said,
I really thought (hoped) Gary was either going to to break or get stuck in that chair at the lawyer’s office. I love that every week JJ the “therapist” lets Amber use one of her life lines to call someone to discuss her sitch. First Gary, then her brother. Personally, I think she needs to use her life line next week to call Patrick for his opinion. And is there a Starbucks there on site at The Hab?

Speaking of lawyers, I bet Jon Jacobjingleheimer is thrilled Farrah relocated. Last night I kept thinking Farrah goes from zero to Gulch in 2.5 seconds, so I loved that the original Miss Gulch was reprsented here. Anyone else amused when Gulch was on the phone and the dog was trying to chew on an electrical cord while at the same time Sophia looked to be trying to hang herself on a string? I suppose next week the dog and Sophia will be attempting to “skydive” from their balcony to get away from Gulch. Can we just start calling them Dorothy & Toto?

ProActiv is really missing an opportunity for their newest “celebrity” rep in Maci. Her hair is awful as well (particularly the skunk ‘do on the after show). I guess the good news is that the delusional little brat doesn’t suffer from low self-esteem. I also noticed last night when she was doing her make-up-free plotting that Bint-Lee looks a lot like her. He’s cute now, but hopefully he’ll look more like his dad as he gets older.

Cate & Ty…. yeah, yeah, good for them. Bring on the Butch!!!
Kortney Said,
Actually Cate and Ty are getting married NEXT July (2013). She has a whole year to figure out that he swings the other way. I wish her luck. I’m betting Butch is back in the slammer by then and misses the wedding as well.

What is the deal with Maci tagging along on Ryan’s family vacation?? I missed the reason behind that obviously. Kind of creepy…..

Farrah, I wish someone would just smack the hell out of you when you start that irritating, bitchy voice. I would LOVE to be that person, but I live to far away. Anyone know if the bitch is still in FL? I’m about 14 hours away……

And Amber, oh my….she looks completely high in all her sessions with the counselors. And how did she medicate herself from 14-17? How was she able to get prescription meds at that age?? That confused me….almost as much as Maci confused Kyle when she decided to go with Ryan on vacation. Doh!!
Gary's Busted Porch Swing Said,
Ok… During the staged meeting with Maci’s “like 8 bffs”, I noticed the preschoool teacher friend, the token black girl, the chick in military-issued glasses circa Vietnam War era (I refer to them as birth control frames), a token plump chick, and 4 other randoms. Was this one of her paid speaking engagements? I am so sick of the discussions these people have with their weird friends. I guess since Maci hasn’t found a therapist yet, she needs her support group of 8 bffs to help her make decisions about hair color and work through those tough issues with Kye like whether to go see the Gravedigger at the moster truck rally or go watch “raslin” when WWF is in town.

And that shoulder tat…. sick. I kept thinking she had stepped into a cobweb or something. What is that gonna look like when you are 80?

I might’ve been buzzed off my third glass of box wine (had to squeeze the bladder to get the last few drops out), but when Acne, I mean Maci, drove off in her silver jeep, I thought I saw a red BMW in the driveway. Does Kye even have his license?

Ty and Catelynn…… Oh my. Where do all these family members keep coming from? It’s like roaches scattering when you turn on the kitchen light in the middle of the night. I was studying Stream’s, I mean River’s, face hard in order to find any sort of resemblance. His hair texture and color were so odd. He didn’t have a prominent forehead, so definitely not April’s. I think I caught a little resemblance to Cate through the eyes and mouth. But I found it really odd that once they got his space seat in the trailer and got the 35 dogs to quit pissing on his tires and attacking his poor paralyzed legs, he asked, “So Catelynn exactly how old are you now?” Now that I think about it, I think MTV just threw his character in there to keep their story line alive.

I have to say that I am so freaking relieved that Ty is now going to be “helping kids”. I mean the way he talked about it, just the way his voice and face got when he talked about it (every two minutes) got on my damn nerves. It’s like he leaned back and tried to get this man voice. Does he think he can just go open an office in the basement next to their therapist and hang a shingle now that he “walked”. He is so wise!

April was on something for sure. Or maybe she was psyched that she got to see Catelynn’s dad from long ago or that Butch was getting out of prison in a few days. I don’t think I have ever heard her talk so much or so fast ever.

Can someone please get Leah some intervention. For some reason in this episode she is huge. And she was eating birthday cake on the floor. Do they just get birthday cakes for no reason? As a snack? Why is it always dark in the ski lodge? Where is the furniture?

I did like Carol’s new outfit. So flattering and rather up to date. I did not, however, enjoy the shots of her sitting on the bar stool with her legs open pulling Leah up by her arms. Close the legs. I don’t want my picture taken by your camel toe.

Amber is so tired, bless her heart. I mean I would be too if I was at Four Seasons Recovery Center doing all that Tae Bo and writing in my Trapper Keeper on my sleep number bed.

I think Gary is getting totally stressed taking care of Leah all by himself. She cries over everything. “She’s two Gary!” I’m so glad his lover Jeremy (was that his name?) could go with him to visit Amber. I think they are gonna be a spin off show after this season is over.

Farrah…. ugh! Sophia is a mini her! I so wish she would call say Farrah instead of Mommy! That poor french bulldog needs to go outside. Cqan someone please tell Farrah dogs need to go outside to pee and shit!!! She is too dumb for words. And she lives in an Aqua-Fresh colored retirement village full of sex offenders. And there are hurricanes, but luckily only about every 5 years according to lifeless Michael.

Did Sophia have a trampoline in her new room? Ashley her sister sounds like a bitch too. “Farrah, YOU are the parent!” Yeah well when y’all teen mom bitches start living in the real world like the rest of us and have to pay bills and work your asses off everyday, you might know what it is actually like to be a real parent.

Why do I watch this shit???
The Other Lindsay Said,
I’m going to go against the grain here and say that I think April is at least partly clean. It looks like she has gained some weight (as of a year ago when this was filmed, anyways.)

Amber annoys me. Just, ugh.

I noticed C&T traded in the 300 and got a new Caddy, too.

Maci was totally intruding on their family vacation.. damn, let the kid spend some time with the paternal side of his family. No way in hell would I allow my ex to come on vacation with my family to “be a back up sitter.”

Farrah is a bitch, as always. I give it three episodes until the puppy is bye bye. She’s going to have some competition in the total bitch department when Baby Goo gets rid of the binky and can form full sentences.
Jenny Said,
@Gary’s busted porch swing – That was a red Mercedes , and I think he was getting in it when Maci left.
The Other Lindsay Said,
and am I the only one that thought Catelynn’s dad was kinda cute??
Wednesdaystreat Said,
Yup, I saw Kyle leave in that red beauty when Maci kicked him out for a day or two last episode. I thought BMW too, but on further review, it is indeed a Mercedes.

I agree that Cate’s Dad is too cute for April, at least.
Kate Said,
I thought (hoped) Gary was going to either break or get stuck in that chair at the lawyer’s office. And since apparently Ambuuhhh gets 1 “life line” call per week as part of her ‘hab, I think she should give Patrick a ring next week for his opinion on the situation? I mean, who else is going to explain to “JJ” that her brother has it all wrong blaming Gary because her troubles in fact Taco Bell’s fault due to her taco consumption during labor?

Farrah can go from zero to Gulch in 2.5 seconds. I feel bad for being amused when she was talking on the phone and the dog was trying to chew the electrical cord while at the same time Sophia appeared to be trying to hang herself on a string. Next week I suppose we’ll see them trying to “skydive” from the balcony to get away from Gulch. Can we just go ahead & start referring to them as Dorothy and Toto?

Maci… I mean, what more can be said? I suppose the bright side is that Delusional One definitely doesn’t suffer from low self-esteem. Yes, clearly Ryan still wants her orange pimple face, & his parents are still crazy about her as well.. can’t you tell? Looks like the Albino Polar Bear is starting. to check out as well.

Catelynn & Ty.. yeah, yeah, good for them. Now bring on the Butch!!!
hardly home Said,
What the hell kind of school board has high school graduation on a Sunday? I had a crap ton of Mormons in my class that wouldn’t have been able to walk the stage. On second thought, that would have been amazing.

And seriously Maci, just inviting yourself to Florida. She is so selfish. Ryan gets one week out of the year to spend with Bentley, and she just barges in. Rude.
hardly home Said,
@The Other Lindsay: I’m with you. I think he’s relatively attractive all things considered. Catelynn definitely got all of her mom’s looks though, unfortunately for her.
Justlikehoneybooboo Said,
Does anyone else think they should remake Raising Arizona staring April and Butch? iCarly could play the baby they kidnap. It’s bound to happen in real life within the next few months anyway.
Allyson Said,
Farrah explained in one of the after shows or something I think last season that her parents did in fact get divorced but that they still live together because they can’t decide if they want to actually break up or stay together.
Welcome to Miami, OK Said,
I squealed with delight when Gary thought he could actually hide behind his front door!

And I realize this sounds really awful but Farrah and Sophia, Florida, the nanny… I couldn’t shake the feeling of a Casey Anthony resemblance. La Bella Vita anyone?
Rivers Space Seat Said,
I can’t stop laughing at all the comments and screen names!!

I too HATE the “luhhh yeww” thing that acne, kye and bint-lee all say.

Cate’s dad reminds me of some sort of dog but def way outta aprils league!

Also, who else wishes the girls would really say how they feel to eachother on the after show and reunions??? I hate how they all “support eachother” ugh..
donna Said,
yeah,i love how they say they are behind amber when you know theyre thinking’what a loser’
Lisa :] Said,
@Welcome to Miami- I was a little worried that Leah actually couldn’t find him behind that door…
Not Goggles Said,
Laying around in a comfy bed, the beach, sitting on a couch by the beach with a cup of coffee… I think I need to go to rehab.
thestickupfarrahsass Said,
first time commenter!
Okay can’t believe no one has yet to mention how scared that poor puppy when Farrah was inspecting it. Poor thing probably watched last season & was scared to be the next pooch in diapers.
Also you can totally tell Maci wishes she was on Teen Mom 2 instead of this season..her & bricks could be BFF
Butch's Mullet Said,
I would love to introduce Barb to Farrah and her mom and give the two of them a hefty dose of Southern honesty. Farrah makes me more mad than anyone when I watch this show. She is such a little see you next tuesday and un-grateful little brat. I can’t take it. She acts like she could write the book on parenting yet she thinks holding a puppy over a toilet will make it want to pee.
MIND NUMBINGLY AGGRIVATING.

I wish Cate and Tyler will move on and look ahead. Oh, and is anyone out there so unimpressed when people graduate high school? I know these kids had obstacles but highschool is a walk in the park. I’m tired of the whole country of America acting like high school graduation means a kid moved academic mountains.

Does anyone feel like Gary owns too many clothing items about New York City? Maybe if he’s move there he’s walk a little more instead of driving his mom’s van and actually fit into those Aeropostale shirts. Also, it had to be Carol who did Leah’s hair in that tight pony tail. Carol loves a slick back with a scruncci. That look is all the rage in Indy.

Maci’s skin did look bad. But I like Kyle. I think he’s nice and so cute with Bentley. Bentley is adorable. I wouldn’t be upset if Maci and Ryan worked things out. They make cute babies.

Can’t wait til next Tuesday!
Shannen's gap Said,
Unwanted pet store fish….bwahahahahahaaaaa!! Please keep that nick name.
soon to be abandoned bulldog, currently living in a bitch jungle Said,
Excellent recap as usual, comments are hysterical. I have to give special recognition, however, to “Michael’s inner voice.” Bravo!! And to “Gary’s busted porch swing”–thank you for “Close the legs. I don’t want my picture taken by your camel toe.”
YESILIKETOYELL Said,
IM SO GLAD CATELYNN AND TYLER ARE HAVING A BABY! ITS ABOUT TIME THEY DID OR FOUGHT TO GET THEIR BABY BACK! HAHA ADOPTED PARENTS CATELYNN AND TY ARE KEEPING THE BABY! I SMELL A NEW SHOW YIPPPPPPEEEE!
SimplySarah Said,
Scopped liver? Hahah, I’ve been looking for a new IBB handle…
Scopped Liver Said,
How is it that Ambuh seems more high at rehab?
Ski Chalet's Landlady Said,
@Hardly Home: Cate & Ty have the privilege (dishonor?) of being from Michigan like me, and I can honestly say I never met a Mormon until I moved to the East Coast. Sunday graduations aren’t odd at all there, especially near the Metro Detroit area, because there’s only so many weekends in June and tons of high schools. Trust me, that’s the LEAST weird thing in this whole crapisode.
gel4lyfe Said,
Q: What do Michael and frenchy got in common?
A: Both are neutured (i kno thas rite).

Also, does anyone think Farrah kinda looks like Joe Camel circa 1987? You know, back when smoking was cool!

I wonder if we’re going to see Gary’s brother/pseudo dad (not sure which) this season? You know, the guy reppin the wife beater and always flippin out out at the dinner table (heaped with mcd dollar delights). Ha that guy used to piss Amby off hardcore. I’d like to see him talk some smack to her now!
Joe's Rap Career Said,
“The stick up Farrah’s ass” and “unwanted pet stoor fish”, excellent screen names. I love them.
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
@ Butch’s Mullet – re: the high school graduation. From my background and viewpoint, I agree that the whole HS graduation thing is overblown. Heck, I graduated a semester early, moved away to college 2 days after my last “final” HS exam, and had zero interest in walking in my HS graduation ceremony several months later (in late May). Thankfully my parents were okay with me not walking. We appreciated the “milestone”, but it wasn’t like some big passage into adulthood. 97% of my HS classmates went directly on to college. Basically put, although my parents only have associate degrees, their attitude (along with the community we lived in) wasn’t IF you were going to college, it was WHERE you were going to college (and grad school, law school, etc.)!
However, in Catelynn and Tyler’s case, their family background and viewpoint was totally different. For them, HS graduation is a big achievement, and going on to a degree-track program for college is a MAJOR accomplishment. As much as I wanted to smack Tyler and Catelynn for yacking on and on about having Carly at graduation, I had to realize that for them, their HS graduation means so much more than it does for others…
Birth Canal CLOSED Said,
Tyler and Catelynn have a website and in Catelynn’s bio there, she mentions her siblings–no mention of River, though, which makes me wonder if he is a step-child from one of her dad’s subsequent relationships? Here is a link to her bio: http://www.tylerandcatelynn.com/bios.htm#Catelynn_Lowell:_Hello_this_is_Catelynn

By the way, these two are enrolling at a place called Baker College in Michigan, http://www.baker.edu/

I believe Tyler is straight–just kind of dopey in a loveable way. Hopefully they will be able to move on with their lives, but the way their website presents itself, seems like they are going to make a career out of exploiting the adoption of their firstborn.
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
As much as I’m shocked that Gary actually had some manners, did anyone notice how Gary was thanking his attorney profusely for Mr. Lawyer’s services and time? He kept saying stuff such as, “Hey, I really appreciate you taking the time…” – uh, Gary, have you ever paid attorney’s fees? Believe me, Mr. Lawyer will be MORE than happy to meet with you, make the calls, file the motions, etc. – and you can show your appreciation by promptly paying your $200 an hour bill within 30 days of receipt!

For the record, I find all the folks on this show rather annoying at times, but Gary AND Amber both make my skin crawl, so I’m not partial to one side of that drama!

And did anyone notice Amber’s attitude toward Leah? One minute Amber’s worried sick that Leah will forget who Mommy is and then when Amber learns that Gary and Leah (plus Gary’s boy toy-cum-babysitter) are coming to visit, Amber’s all concerned that the kid will think Amber’s “leaving again” when Leah departs. Okay Amber, do you want to see your “Mini Gary’s Mom” or not?!?! How that girl managed to keep it straight when she ordered up those subdermal piercings is one of those mysterious miracles…
kerry Said,
farrah’s a rabid btch who should be punched in the throat. goop is a few years away from me dittoing that sentiment to her.

poor, unfortunate leah, sweet little stay puft. i hoped for someone to pin her hair away from her face, then carol did. . . and now it all makes sense. tragic.
gel4lyfe Said,
I’m pretty sure that River is the same kid that played Eric in Mac and Me.
Conspiracy Man Said,
After spending a day looking for Kieffer and Barb (no luck), we had to settle on sitting at the picnic table that Jennelle & her bff de jours would use to discuss her problems, located next to an ice cream shop. I also found Sweepstakes, and attempted to stack some cake in the Kiefferian style. You have to sign an affidavit that you are not gambling before you proceed to gamble on pc-based slot machines. I won $17 and immediately stacked them.
OhGod Said,
Conspiracy Man, you have to go find Barb’s Walmart!! And then take tons of pictures of her slicing meat in the deli. Pretty please?
Conspiracy Man Said,
No luck at the deli counters. It was weird because we did not even realize we were near Jenelle’s stomping grounds until we were here for 3 days and looked at a map.
Brenda Walsh Said,
Last week some commenters defended Cate and Ty and said the only reason they were still obsessed with Carly was b/c they were on a TV show that made them relive it every episode. While I can’t disagree with that, this episode only made it more clear that they will never get over it. Tyler wants to be an adoption counselor for teens. Catelynn has said before that she wants to be an ultrasound tech. They are setting themselves up for a lifetime of regret. They need jobs that won’t make them relive their own experiences/pregnancy every damn day. Also, Catelynn’s Twitter profile pic is a pic of her, a pic of Tyler, and a pic of Carly in the middle. Scrolled across the bottom are the words “family forever.” (or something to that effect) Not healthy. Will that still be their pic when Carly is 12? 15? 21? Frankly their obsession isn’t fair to her at all. What if she doesn’t want her whole life story splashed through every tabloid and floating around online? The whole thing is sick.
Gary's Busted Porch Swing Said,
Who was the guy a few seasons ago wearing scrubs?
I thought it was Catelynn’s dad, but it could have been Amber’s dad? I remember it vaguely. It blows my mind how just anyone can put some scrubs on these days… I swear Carol wears them on days she watches Leah.

And didn’t Leah’s mom on season 2 wear them also?
Conspiracy Man Said,
Brenda- I agree that c&t’s relationshipis unhealthy. The adoption is open for the child’s benefit, not the parent’s. They should back off and be available for Carly, if she is ever interested. Open adoption should notbe used for the birth parents to have another toy doll to play with whenever the urge arises.
Conspiracy Man Said,
Don’t they have enough toy dogs and cats to play with?
Wednesdaystreat Said,
ALL the comments were gone for a while! ACK!

Anyway, Gary’s Busted Porch Swing, yes, that is Amber’s Dad that wore the scrubs. And he’s dying of liver disease too, but apparently still works in some health care environment.
Penelope Said,
Screw these Snooki and JWhatever bitches, I want a spin-off show starring Gary and Carol!
Amber's Pill Bottles Said,
Brenda – you totally hit the nail on the head re: Catelynn and Tyler. Their identities are totally wrapped up in that kid and adoption.

Gary’s Busted Porch Swing – sweet name!

Yes, Amber’s dad was wearing some scrubs back in season one, I think. Gary himself was wearing scrubs in Amber’s 16 and Pregnant – that was his work uniform as he was employed as a CNA. And, just like his T-shirt collection, the top was WAY too tight….

Some people who don’t work in health care enjoy wearing scrubs for some reason – I guess they are really comfortable.
Kate Said,
Does anyone know if Gary still resides at the chalet? He tweeted about how his former apartment used to be a…wait for it… funeral home!! But I’m not sure if he’s referring to the chalet or the house they lived in before the chalet. He said the embalming equipment was still in the basement. LMA
La Abuela Said,
Kate,

It’s probably the ski chalet. However, how did he know there was embalming equipment in the basement – I believe he fell through the stairs trying to go down? Maybe he fell on a gurney or a dead body. That place is so freaking bizarre.
Ryans Yawn Said,
Lol at whoever said Farrah has clinical bitchiness! You hit the nail on the head with that one! You would think the wanna be Kate Gosselin shrink would have have pulled the stick out of Farrahs ass by now.

What’s with Ambers random piercings? She has one in her hand, her upper cheek, and her chest?
Oops I fell on a penis Said,
Farrah – I hope Farrahs puppy eats her face. That bitch needs to go down. If I see one more eye roll I swear I’m going to Florida to slap the shit out of her myself and I’ll do a better job then mommy.

Maci – umm stalker much? Although I am looking forward to seeing bitchness in action when her and her friends discuss the sweet Dalis. I wonder if the token black girl is going on this vaca too.

C&T – sweet but come on you handed your bastard child away 2 years ago time to move along now. Stalkerish behavior x2

Amber – every time I see here I her Babs voice ” High, high you’re both high” in her broken english hillbilly shrew voice
Gary'sBustedPorchSwing Said,
I’m changing my handle to i don’t want no scrubs. Bc I don’t.
Conspiracy Man Said,
GO AWAY, MACI. GO AWAY
the short side of catelynn's hair Said,
whenever i see catelynn’s impersonation of iCarly’s scrunched face i want to wash my eyes out with bleach, that is the subject of my nightmares.
Amber's Acne Said,
I’m a week late (and someone might have answered, but @Square Hair, she has a picture on her Instagram account of her back tattoo (unless it’s a new one). It’s hideous. It’s a piece of notebook paper with her last name across it, with cupcakes, etc. Soooo fucking ugly. Her instagram is macideshanebookout
Amber's Acne Said,
@Rivers Hair, Per Wikipedia: Since eating chopped liver may not be appreciated by everyone, the Jewish English expression “What am I, chopped liver?”, signifies frustration or anger at being ignored on a social level.

An alternative explanation for the etymology of the “What am I, chopped liver?” expression is that chopped liver was traditionally served as a side dish rather than a main course. The phrase, therefore may have originally meant to express a feeling of being overlooked, as a “side dish.”
Janelle's Ugly Toes Said,
She hid it during the early seasons but the show has been on long enough now to show us that Maci is indeed white trash. Even though she did not grow up in a home with the poors, she is totally trash and that black hat on the beach confirmed that she is even uglier than me…..Janelle’s ugly toes.

Maci…wtf? Ryan doesn’t want you. Soon, Bintley won’t want you either if you don’t thinking you are the next best thing to cheese filled pretzel bites.

Amber. Just. Die.Already.
KS Said,
Justlikehoneybooboo…

OMG… When I read your comment out loud to my husband – and we had just heard another account of how Brandon & Teresa have adopted another baby (and supposedly Cate & Ty were in the delivery room to “be supportive” which also goes to agreement with the other poster’s that they will NEVER move on from this adoption), my husband says “I can just see a version of Raising Arizona called “Raising Michigan” where April says in that annoying Holly Hunter voice “I need me that baybay Darl, they got them another one, more than they can handle, I need me that baybay so we can get more state aid money for cigarettes and beer.”

I have to admit, I almost fell out of my seat laughing at his impression.