Feb
22

Teen Mom 2 Reunion: Pirate Mike Lands a Hooters Girl!

Posted by IBBB

Read More On: teen mom 2 recap

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Programming Note: We’re using this recap as another Celebrity Twitter Bomb. Tweet this recap with @bravoandy and let him know about IBBB! Just tweet this recap link: http://bit.ly/zXiEcN to @bravoandy and @ibbb Ole!

It’s the moment we’ve all been waiting for and by “waiting for” I of course mean “casually yawning whilst giving a little side-eye.” It’s the “Teen Mom 2 Season 2 Reunion Part II: Pitocin Boogaloo!” As Kail would probably say after a typical mid-week visit sex shower, “that was a mouthful!” Anychins, Dr. Drew is back and is per usual dressed like Paula Poundstone circa 1989. Tip your 40 to lesbian-like 80’s comics. Shoulderpads are clearly your friends.

Before we break out into groups we get to catch a glimpse of what all the “girls” look like today. Leah’s hair, of course, looks like the back of a hens ass and her face looks like the front of a hen. Her hair was so white that it looked like it hurt. Albino’s everywhere are rolling their pink eyes and sweating profusely. Spoiler Alert: I know nothing about albinos except white hair. Chelsea was a nice cocoa brown, lost a few pounds, and somehow tanned her lips. Jenelle looks like she’s oddly not about to go on a stabbing spree and Kail’s chin is really glistening in the stage lights. I love how fake everyone is when asked about their little brats. “Oh they’re talking so much now!” “Oh they’re so funny!” Really? Do they still Shasta McNasty in their pants because I’m pretty sure they do. When Jenelle says that Jace is talking up a storm you know that’s code for “swears with a slight Boston accent.” And Chelsea says Aubree is chatting a lot to and, while she didn’t say this, let’s all just assume she already beat Chelsea to the GED punch. No whammies!

We kick off the one-on-one interviews with Jenelle. Jenelle surprisingly looks well rested and I’m noticing some white solid substances in her mouth every once in a while. I had to pause it a few times and finally realized it was teeth and she was smiling. Thanks meds! Jenelle is apparently doing really well ever since she left “the ‘hab.” Oh, and she’s also turned into a professional Pinocchio. You see, she’s still on and off with Special K and she claims it’s because he’s done some really good things for her and has always been there for her. Sure. I mean, he did show her new and innovative ways of entering the back seat of a car by being thrown into it and, well, I’m pretty sure he was there for her when he got let off the hook in court that one time and tap-danced by her when she was put on probation for a year. Regardless, how can she resist his charms? The fact that his whole face must smell like hooker crotch rot is only an added bonus. It’s like the personal ad writes itself.

Sadly, however, Jenelle will be heading on down to the slammer because she tested positive for Marijuana cigarettes. Womp womp. It’s got to be so hard to “quit pot” like it’s so hard to “quit stamp collecting.” Once you collect one stamp you just can’t stop. I think it’s great that Jenelle will be in jail and I’m already putting in my prayers to Santa Christ and his teen mom, Mary, that she’ll be sharing a cell with Amber and all of this will be filmed for a new MTV show titled: “America’s Least Wanted.” I hope MTV sources me in the credits. I want to be the teenage mother version of Sally-Ann Salsano. Look it up. Anyhempbracelets, I envision Jenelle and Amber scissoring into the wee hours of the morning and fist-fighting all the live-long-day. Perhaps they’ll also work on the railroad. One may never know. P.S., why do I picture Jenelle’s sentencing to be like watching an episode of Night Court with Judge Harry Stone? Good God I hope Roz is there!

Some things, however, are going well for Jenelle. She’s in school and on medicine to curb her bipolar disorder. Oh, and she’s fighting with Barb a whole lot less. I mean, Barb is still fighting with her, but she’s remaining dead-pan 8 out of 10 times. The best part of the entire reunion is absolutely when Barb enters stage left. She’s wearing a very flattering and exotic jungle-print silk dress. Are those leaves? Is that a Toucan I see? It’s all part of the magic. I had burst out laughing and sprang to life when Dr. Drew and his Weeble hair said to Barb that they seem a lot calmer. To which Barb explains the house is more at peace because…wait for it…dead God…wait for it…do scissors…wait for it…Pirate Mike moved out…and has landed a Hooters waitress! AMEN! All of my dreams in life have come true! Barb then barrels over laughing and slurs how liberating it’s been with him out of the house. Finally she can slice deli meat in the privacy of her own home and doesn’t need to sneak out to Walmart anymore to do so. I’m not sure if it’s too soon, but those angels that Kevin Costner was talking about at Whitney’s funeral are the same ones, I believe, who just made this scene with Barb happen. Insert a “ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it” played on the harp and sung by that little b*tch who won American’s Got Talent a year or two ago. It’s like even Barb herself can’t believe her white trash luck that her white trash boyfriend white trash cheated on her with a white trash waitress who works at white trash Hooters. Speaking of white trash, I wonder if Leah’s hair is sizzling in the green room? Moving on. All I know is that Barb is on the maaaaahhhket and I’m ready to place an order. #SkypeMeSexy

Barb (genuflect) thinks that Jenelle is doing much better, but the fact that Kieffah is still around is really dragging her down, down, down (in her words). She thinks rock bottom for Jenelle is spending time in jail, but I think rock bottom for Jenelle would be getting Barb’s haircut. I think the judge should order that, stat. After a few minutes of Barb basically trying to pick a fight with Jenelle, I quickly realize that Jenelle isn’t screaming and swearing back at her. Hmmm. Those meds must really work. Perhaps I should try meds? Imagine what this site would be like if I was medicated? Let’s never try that. Shortly after, it’s time to play “Say Three Words That Describe Jenelle.” This time around Barb is prepared with cue-cards. She’s: Generous, independent, and organized. Yup, that’s what I think when I see her. Love that organization. She’s going to have the neatest cell in all the county jail! Jenelle then says that Barb is funny, hardworking, and a good mom. This makes Barb start to cry and then suddenly growl. No joke. Jenelle even said, “Oh God that growl” like she must do it on the regular. That’s probably how she kept Pirate Mike’s hook at bay.

In the end Dr. Drew basically says that they’re both cured and they hug all whilst the Saved By the Bell audience is ushered in just in time for one loud, “Awwwwwww.” Jenelle should have another baby. Oh, know what I forgot to mention? I like how after every commercial break, Dr. Drew came back with some wicked random horrible statistic. No joke he was like, “Did you know that babies born to unwed teen moms are 17 times more likely to kill cats?” It’s like dude, relax. We’ll all kill a cat or two in our lifetime regardless of the fact that our mom was or wasn’t married. We will all kill cats, right? Riiiiight?

Still awake? Good, because Kail is up next. Zzzz. Zzzzz. Wake up! Things are going well for Kail and her chin since we last saw her. I’m kidding, she’s still be labeled “a whore” by the American public and some tricky parts of Canada. Dr. Drew couldn’t care less about baby Issac so he decides to bring Jo out right off the bat. For reasons that I can’t seem to get my mind around, Jo walks out on stage dressed like Bindi Irwin when she tried to have a “rap career” and made me red with secondhand embarrassment when she “performed” on The Today Show. So many things wrong with that last sentence. We learn that Kail and Jo knocked construction boots at least two times. I think the silver lining in that statement is that we know they’ve at least showered twice in the past 6-months so, well, there’s that. How does that old saying go? I believe it’s, “If Janet’s booty is shakin’ it’s time to make bacon!” Ow ow! Where’s the Saved By the Bell audience when I need them!? Also, I have no idea what that means, but I’m almost certain I want to make a T-shirt.

Kail is still having a hard time deciding between Jo and Jordan, which is surprising because they both seem to have such zest for life! At one point I thought I saw string and was watching Weekend at Bernie’s. Regardless, Jordan apparently “wins” by default because Jo doesn’t want to be with Kail right now so she’s batting her eyelashes at Jordan. He must feel great. I know I usually say this about Chelsea, but this chick is bricks. Suzi realllly must have F’d some S up when Kail was little. Even though Jordan is pissed off, Kail keeps on with her whole, “I’m hurting too, you know!” Oh are you? The only thing hurting on Kail was her no-no in the shower. And, not for nothing, but “I’m hurting too!” is almost as bad as “I hit you because I love you!” P.S., we all know it’s really, “I hit you because you made pasta last night too!” After Dr. Drew puts everyone on the spot and makes Kail decide immediately who she wants to be with, like this is an episode of Love Connection, she storms/gallops off stage crying and Jordan peaces out awkwardly up through the audience. I was like, dude where ya going? I’m pretty sure I saw a couple teen girls in the audience spread when he walked by like this was the Teen Mom audition process.

In the end, everyone is back on stage and just when we’re ready to wrap things up, we learn (with about 2 minutes left) that somehow Kail got an STD from Jo and passed it on to Jordan. It’s like the grown-up version of “Telephone!” Que suerte! Seriously, Dr. Drew should have stripped them all and scrubbed them with an S.O.S all whilst Barb sprinkled holy water on their privates. And the scary part is that Kail is the one that voluntarily brought that up. No one asked. She just said it. What happen to hiding and hanging your head in shame, you know, like most people do? Teens. They have a lot to learn!

Come and join me my Facebook page and spread the word of this here blog. In fact, let’s have a little Celebrity Twitter Bomb and Tweet this recap to our friend Andy Cohen @bravoandy and maybe he’ll invite me to Watch What Happens Live and I can cancel my Make a Wish Foundation request. Oh, and if you don’t Tweet this recap, I’m likely to never write about Teen Mom again. See what I did there?

Tweet this link: http://bit.ly/zXiEcN to @bravoandy and tell him about @ibbb

Past Teen Mom Recaps:
Who Gets Custody of the Puffy Leather Couch, Y’all?
The One Where You Have to Tell Your Mom You Was a Slut, Y’all!
I Ain’t Bath-ing No Babies!
When Bad Hair Happens to Chinless Teens
Cheese Puffs, the Walking Splints of West Virginia
Here Comes Corey Claus Right Down Trailer Trash Lane
Birthday Gifts from Barb
The One Where Everyone Gets Orange Sweaters
Welcome to the World of West Virginian Medicine, Y’all!
Season Premiere: Jenelle and Barb Brawl on the Front Lawn, Ya Lil B*tch!
Let’s Talk About Teen Mom on My Facebook Page!

76 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

IBBB Said,
Like this recap? Well then join me on my Facebook page and let’s get to talking!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Varone/1591687454

and follow me on Twitter because that’s always a treat:

http://www.twitter.com/ibbb

and let’s try out Google Plus at:

http://plus.google.com/108051753526932667984

Ole!

-IBBB
donna Said,
note to self:if your ever in south dakota and you need your hair done,never go to chelsea.her hair sucks.as for kail and jo,i believe the clinic has reserved parking for them.
IBBB Said,
And don’t forget to tweet this recap/site http://bit.ly/zXiEcN to @bravoandy and @ibbb

thanks all!

-IBBB
KIKI79 Said,
” All I know is that Barb is on the maaaaahhhket and I’m ready to place an order.”–omfg!!!!! **dead**

when she told us about mike, all i was thinking was “patrick is probably singing to the angels right now!!!”
1981 Said,
Seriously with the STD talk. Yikes, I’m embarrassed for all there parents! and the part that gets me is Jo is still sitting there with the clap. Like its not going to cure itself so do something about it.
Cara Said,
I actually think Kail looked pretty last night. I mean as pretty ad one can look whilst sporting a double chin. I loved how Dr. Drew asked Jenelle how Jace is doing. How the eff would she know? She spends her day laying in her crusty bed or on the grassy knoll. What a joke. She’s basically Jace’s sister. I hope Leah talks about her new relationship and subsequent pregnancy/miscarriage all while trying to win Corky back. How awkward!
CrackinUp Said,
Oh my God, I was half asleep when this show started so i missed the “Mike landed a Hooter’s girl” comment. To me, it just sounded like another one of Barb’s mumbled sentences. Thanks for clarifying that! I knew whatever she said, Patrick would love, love it!!
Kail- grow up! She is so confused b/c she turned into a cheater. I did like how Dr. D made her decide who she wanted to be with….though no one wanted to really be with her. Karrrmmmma!

PS. I do think Janet shouldve been on this– oh, the things she would have said! Missed opportunity MTV.
Jenny Said,
I swear this was probably your best recap! I couldn’t wait to hear what you were going to say about Barb. I love your description of what Leah looked like, you were exactly right. You also called it on Kailyn, she’s bricks.
donna Said,
when they showed jenelles segment and they showed barbs heaving bosom and wishing jenelle luck with her booooyfriend,i think they showed that just for you.
Mike's Hooters girl Said,
Your description of Leah’s hurt looking like it hurt is spot on. I actually cringed when I saw her. I thought Chelsea looked pretty last night, almost normal. Kail also looked her best considering what she has to work with. Jenelle looked medicated.

Kail is a bona fide idiot. There are housewives in Beverly Hills getting reconstructive surgery for not putting veggies on pizza and here Jordan was willing to help you raise your kid. If I were him, I would have said “I’m only here for the free plane ride bitch.”

Jenelle is medicated and still stupid. She’s more like Jace’s second cousin twice removed.

Dr. Drew is almost a big boy now and asked maybe one or two hard hitting questions finally. Woo hoo!
LisaP Said,
remember on sex&the city when carrie’s editor asked her to “compile” her “columns” and make a book? okay, so ibbb, teen mom recaps = book. more people need to be exposed to his genius.
donna Said,
lisa,i love that idea but the comments must come with it.
Kail is a moron Said,
I heard Barb say “Jenelle’s step-father” moved out, but I missed the whole Hooters girl thing. She mumbles as much as Cor-ay! By the looks of her dress, she is open for business. Now’s your chance, Patrick! Jenelle looked so cute for once, but I wanted to throw up when she said she was still with Kieffah. Seriously?!?!? Isn’t there anyone else who can take you to Sweepstakes? SO GLAD the show didn’t invite him to be on it.

Jo makes me SICK. I love how HE gave Kail an STD and then tries to be all,”Maybe Jordan or someone else gave it to you”. Hello, did you NOT hear them say Jordan tested negative? Dumbass. Go back to your rap career and hoes, you nasty boy. And WTH was up with those boots? Is construction work your “real” job? Jordan must really love Kail to still be in the picture…if my girlfriend cheated on me AND got an STD, I would run…Quit being such a pushover, and the pink shirt was not working for you, Jordan.

Leah….good God! Maybe if you stopped blowing your Teen Mom 2 money on these DISGUSTING hair colors, maybe you could afford a trailer over $3000. Who colors their hair WHITE? That’s even more nasty than that cave cricket. Her hair will all fall out by the time she is 25. Mark. My. Words…

Can’t wait for next week. Looks like Leah piled on the makeup but forgot the waterproof mascara. Lay into her, Cor-ay! Sad your stringy hat is MIA
JonA Said,
This was pretty f’ing hilarious, and it’s only the first half. Oh, my life will be over at the end of the next episode *tear. I was also perplexed when Dr.Drew asked Jenelle how Jace was doing. Shouldn’t that be a question for Barb? Also, I’d love to know the words that are coming out of his mouth at this point. And really – Mike “snagged” a Hooters girl? Maybe that’s where he first met Barb….

I kind of drifted in and out of paying attention to Kail. She likes to be such a bad bit*h behind everyone’s back but when she’s on the interrogation couch she gets all meek and won’t look anyone in the eye. Also, I needed captions for when Rizzo was speaking. Couldn’t they have brought out Suzi just for the hell of it? Probably would have meant better ratings…
Anonymous Said,
Paula Poundstone circa 1989 is also Paula Poundstone circa 2012. Yeah for more trainwrecks next week!
QueenofCorona Said,
Ever notice how Dr Drew wears the same damn outfit every single time he’s on tv? Jacket with slim fit dad Wrangler jeans.

And in the beginging of the show when Chelsea was saying how Jace and Aubrey are either fighting one moment or making out the next…..hmmm wonder where they picked up those habits from?
Kail is a moron Said,
Question…does anyone know when the Reunion show was taped? I just figured it was recently, but I heard it was actually filmed 2-3 months after the show ended filming(which would be about 9 months ago). That would make sense since I just saw yesterday Leah in a mag with the crazy 2-tone blonde and brunette extensions (only slightly better than that white mess) and Dr. Drew didn’t ask Janelle about her recent arrests… I guess we’ll find out next week…If Dr. Drew doesn’t mention Leah’s recent engagement and miscarriage, then this was filmed months ago.

Also, Patrick, PLEASE recap Chelsea’s portion next week. I know you never recap Bricks, but if she’s going to be 1/2 of the show, then we’ll really be missing out on your comic gold. Please, please, please…
whatthefudge Said,
Exactly my thoughts QueenofCorona! Those poor kids are being prepped for Teen Mom, the Next Generation in about 15 years. Fighting and making out, thats about all there is to it.
Nerd In a Clap Kid Said,
A grand accompaniment to these episodes is to follow these douche nozzles and their significant others on Twitter. Jo spent a fair amount of time last night being illusive about his crouch crickets. And Kail has been scrapping with Jo’s new clap trap…. errrr… I mean girlfriend. Good stuff!
Isaac's giant sneakers Said,
I have made an absolute spectacle of myself, in my office today because of these 2 comments. I can’t stop laughing. I might actually die from laughter. I can’t breathe and my organs are seizing.

I like how after every commercial break, Dr. Drew came back with some wicked random horrible statistic. No joke he was like, “Did you know that babies born to unwed teen moms are 17 times more likely to kill cats?” It’s like dude, relax. We’ll all kill a cat or two in our lifetime regardless of the fact that our mom was or wasn’t married. We will all kill cats, right? Riiiiight?

For reasons that I can’t seem to get my mind around, Jo walks out on stage dressed like Bindi Irwin when she tried to have a “rap career” and made me red with secondhand embarrassment when she “performed” on The Today Show.
the2v's Said,
BWAHAHAHAHA! All these girls are BRICKS! They make me feel soooo much better about myself!

Patrick, you are a complete blogger/comic Gen-U-Wine GENIUS! I was laughing so hard that this darn pregnancy got me peeing on myself. My girls thought that was funny! And hearing Barb is single and ready to mingle and that Snaggle-Tooth Pirate Mike was banging the wings out of a Hooters waitress made me think of you jumping for joy in your living room, flapping your arms like a giddy HS girl that discovered she isn’t having some offspring and ruining everyone’s life around her!

Okay, I’m confused about Jenelle, is she going to jail? Why did they not mention the “textual harassment” charges against her in the past month? So either this was filmed awhile ago or IDK what the fuck is going on with their timeline. In all the recaps after the shows (this past season) everyone’s hair was completely different looking but now it is back to the white caps and forehead come-overs? CONFUSED! Anyways!

Jenelle – HAHAHA, do you know who JACE is? That is surprising! He doesn’t understand who you are, so don’t worry about it being awkward. You are such a fucking LOSER! Why for the love of Baby Jesus are you with Keiffer?! He is dragging you down, just like all the other trashsacks you have been with. You deserve the worst.

Kail – You’s a ho! Fo’ Sho!!! And to even confirm that you got the clap (and when I hear that, I have the worst image of a blue waffle flapping in the wind *shudders*) just proves that you are a whore and no better than your crackhead mother. Jo is a piece but at least he is still being a kind-of-father and Jordan needs to do himself a solid and cut the nasty strings and find someone without all the drama.

Dr. Drew – love the statics about how horrible all these mother’s (except Jenelle) children will turn out. Hells Bells, if I knew that much terribleness would happen I wouldn’t be popping out another before the end of the world. You could have done better with Jenelle and Kail by telling them “Hey, I KNOW you don’t have a father figure in your life, so let me do you a favor. GROW THE FUCK UP AND BE A GOD DAMN MOTHER! Drop the losers and start contributing back to society by not procreating and sterilizing yourself” Then he would all give them a good couple slaps in the face and call it a “session”. LOL

Can’t wait for next week to hear Leah try to sound not like a inbred and for Chelsea-uh to tell everyone that she “loooooooves” Adumb and will never love anyone else. Uh, almost over….
The Thin-Lipped Jenelle Said,
I actually thought this part of the reunion was a bit of a snoozefest. Although next week looks fun when Adumb is playing up how hurt he was by Bricks cheating on him. Seriously?? You have to give a shit about someone before they can hurt you. I’m thinking he’s doing it to make her look like a bigger douche than he is.
cakecakecake Said,
Jo said on the twitterz that he did NOT have an STD. looks like jo wasnt the only person kail had in her shower!
cakecakecake Said,
Jo said on the twitterz that he did NOT have an STD. looks like jo wasnt the only person kail had in her shower!!!
Hmmm Said,
Just wanted to say thank you for your awesome recaps and making me laugh every damn week! Now when I’m watching these shows I find myself saying,”what would Patrick say?”
I’ve also discovered that when talking about some of the cast, I refer to them as Randylicious, Pirate Mike, or Ba-bwaaaaaa!!
And when u do snag that date with our beloved Barb, please, please , please indulge us!!
Jenny Said,
@The thin lipped Jenelle – I saw a commercial where Dr. Drew totally yells at Chelsea for hurting Adumb! I agree, I don’t think he gives a crap if she sleeps with anyone else and he’s trying to make himself look better.
Wednesdaystreat Said,
First up, I totally agree with the fact that we are about to see this thing come full circle in probably 12-13 years when Jace and Aubree are “making out.” These girls make me SICK! Grow up and give your children a 1% chance at making something of themselves! ANYWAY,

Yes, I was with everybody else imagining Patrick jumping for joy at the thought that Barb is on the maaaaaaaaaaaaarket now! Too darn funny! Jenelle, you’re hopeless.

Kail, you’re NASTY! And Jordan, RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesdaystreat Said,
And I wish for once Dr. Drew would grow a pair and tell these girls what we all really feel and know is TRUE!
L-Train Said,
AWESOME RECAP!

Most of us have been following IBBB for a quite a few years and I think it’s time to have an IBBB convention for the following reasons:
1) I have never been to a convention.

2) We all need a reason to dress up as our favorite “recap” character. I’m torn between dressing up as goggles or as a puffy leather couch.

3) Patrick needs to give us a speech…
j Said,
All I could think about is why this is still relevant. This stuff happened over a year ago. Come on Dr. Drew, I want a recent update, not one from 2010.

Plus we all know from Kail’s twitter that she’s now dating a Mexican and they bought a puppy. She’s not fooling anyone with the Jo/Jordan drama anymore.
My UTI Smells Like Pickle Juice Said,
I think my favorite part that nobody mentioned was when Dr. Drew asked Kail how she afforded to live on her own…. ummm… I’m pretty sure those cameras aren’t following just for fun. Why do we have to continue to ignore the fact that these girls are on television?
donna Said,
jace and aubree”made out” at the last reunion too.chelsea better get that kid on the pill so shes not agrandma at 25.
Tiffany Said,
@Kail is a moron, yes this was filmed several months ago. Almost a year ago… just like the show. So at the time of the filming, Leah & Corey were still going through the divorce. Won’t be any mentioning of Jeremy & the miscarriage. When they did trick or treating, it was filmed in Oct 2010, not 2011… So it’s a bit older.
Isaac's giant sneakers Said,
L-Train! I think you are on to something! I have been dying to buy a pillow, shove it under my ill-fitting skin tight AE t-shirt.

Let’s do it!!!!!
Tiffany Said,
I think Dr Drew was going a little too easy on Kail when it came to the whole cheating on Jordan. Jordan made VERY valid points in regards to how he felt, how she treated him like crap, etc. Yet Dr Phil wannabe decided to say “well Kail is still a teen, relationships are different…” Um NO they are not. You may be young & naive, but you know what cheating is, you know what sex is, you know what love is, you feel love, you experience it just like any other adult & for him to treat her w/kid gloves pissed me off. She knows what she did was wrong.

And what’s w/Jenelle always being like “yes things are better, yes we are still together, etc BUT…” Drives me insane, she has a but for everything. Always an excuse.
donna Said,
didnt kail basically hate jo in the beginning of this season?now,she boinks him in the shower?and they are a clap epidemic.
1981 Said,
This reunion was taped July 2011, Leah didn’t start dating Jeremy until August. So there won’t be any mention of the miscarriage or engagement. Hell they probably already taped the next reunion for the next season they just filmed in the fall. I agree it’s stupid since we know there lives in real time to even watch the reunion
QueenofCorona Said,
@Tiffany, word. Kail is a flake and only wanted Baby Huey back after Jo chucked the deuece at her invite to get back together. Jordan actually came off smart and Dr Drew chastized him.

I want to hear Barb say, “Have fun with yaw Hooootahs GURL-FRIENDUH!” You know that is said on the regular around casa de cray cray.
Janelle's eyebrows Said,
Queen of Corona–Your last sentence just made me spit out my Mt Dew laughing!!
sia Said,
I watched this with my friends and when Barbie came out and started laughing her ass off about her Pirate Lover, I immediately thought of this lovely blog and started laughing MY ass off too. Oh Barb. She was truly the best part of the show.

I also like when “Doctor” Drew scolded her when she said that she loves Janelle but doesn’t always like her.

And…poor Jordan. He should ditch the Lion and her apartment American citizens pay for and go kick it with Barb. Barb can send Janelle to live with the Lion. Like a Wife Swap/Teen Mom mash-up!
donna Said,
sia,that would be funny because kail and jenelle are friends,at least they are every other day.jordan and barb..well i kind of see him with maci..she likes”em slow.
Kaylie Said,
Patrick, have you thought about recapping the show “Dance Moms”? I have a feeling you would hate the show, but I also have a feeling I would love the recaps. It’s on Lifetime Tuesday nights at 9pm.

Now, back to TM. You know it’s one sad day in the land of teenage pregnancy when Jenelle looks the most showered and cleaned up. All of these girls are so bricks. If Kail robbed a bank she would try and blame it on the government saying they didn’t give her a big enough tax return for her much needed chin reconstruction surgery. Who the hell goes on national television and says that although THEY were the one proved to be sleeping around, that their ex-boyfriend is to blame for the STD. And then she goes and says on twitter that nobody actually had an STD, not even Jo. Oh, so your just a stupid c*** that tried to throw your shower buddy under the bus when he said he didn’t want to tap your baby maker for the rest of his life? That makes sense. He was probably all up in her hotel room that night asking for forgiveness so he could get a piece of what little chin she has left. Seriously, kick Maci, Catelynn, Chelsea, and the Cowardly Lion off the show and provide a Teen Mom power hour of Glow Worm, The Little Bitch, Leah y’all!, and AMBUHHHHH!
Barb's half-eaten hammmburgah Said,
Great recap, as always, Pattycakes. [love!<3]

@L-Train: OMG, an IBBB convention!!! Hell yeah!… IB3-Con! Kinda like Comic-Con!… Characters roaming about and fan love and autograph/photo/kissing booths! (Ryyyan, hit me up, boo!)… Film briefs & seminars & guest appearances! Slogans!… Booty-clappin' & Bitch-slappin'! Or. Booty-slappin' & Bitch-CLAPpin'! (See what I did there, eh? Eh?)…
)h — and muthafuckin T-shirts!!!!… Door prizes!!!: tanning bed memberships, condoms, blunt wrappers, GED study guides, AirJordans, special guestspot in Jo's next rap vid, cheetos, pet cave crickets, dirty blue hoodies…

omg… let's DO this! !!!!!!!!! [anyone?... um.].

Side note: really, I don't even care about seeing any of the teen moms there, just Patrick & some IBBBers & maybe April/Butch & Baaahbra & Randilicious & TrashClaw…
sia Said,
Kaylie, I agree, Dance Moms recaps would be brilliant. And was it just me, or did anyone else squeal with delight when the preview for the new 16 and Pregnant came on? Can’t wait for the recaps! After all, this blog is the only reason I sit through that miserable show every Tuesday.
Mike's Hooters girl Said,
Kail- We live in a world where Beverly Hills housewives have to get reconstructive surgery for not putting veggies on pizzas and you cheat on a nice guy who will raise your kid with you?! Dumb and chinless.

Jenelle- She is more like Jace’s second cousin twice removed.

Perfect description of Leah’s hair hurting. I bet it sizzled if you were close enough. And now I read that she MET Jeremy in August and had become engaged & pregnant by the end of the year (i.e. 4 months later)?! She doesn’t learn from her mistakes quickly does she?
West of Virginity Said,
ANGELS SANG IN MY SOUL when I read this:

“I’m pretty [Keiffer] was there for her when he got let off the hook in court that one time and tap-danced by her when she was put on probation for a year.”

I can see this whole Teen Mom 2 saga as a G.D. Musical-Comedy-Drama. It could be done–and it would be a Broadway HIT!!!!

All the absurdity of this stack of bricks–my imagination is thrilled with the possibilties . . .
Barb's half-eaten hammmburgah Said,
where are my comments, dammit?
Barb's half-eaten hammmburgah Said,
So. I can only say something in one sentence or less? mmmkay… Apologies in advance if it ends up posting 47,000 reposts of my same stupid paragraph I was tryna get on here. Must.get.life.
Barb's half-eaten hammmburgah Said,
(So. I can only say something in one sentence or less?) mmmkay… Apologies in advance if it ends up posting 47,000 reposts of my same stupid paragraph I was tryna get on here. Must.get.life.
Barb's half-eaten hammmburgah Said,
sorry, y’all!… Was anyone hoping when Dr Drewpy said something about Janelle failing a p-test that somehow Barb didn’t know & would come storming out all unhinged, “What? Ya little bitch, yaw throuuugh!”… I miss that.
Miss W Said,
I loved L-train’s idea for an IBBB convention. Hilarious!! I an laughing just imagining it.
Barb's half-eaten hammmburgah Said,
Me, too re the convention! *IB3-Con*!!!!
kasey Said,
L train-loving this idea. Can this extend to recap characters in history? I’m thinking Justin Bobby. Who remembers when this blog was on blogspot??
grassyknoll Said,
@ Isaac’s giant sneakers – Love your name. I noticed the size of those sneakers too. They should fit him perfectly. When he is 13.
I can just see Bah Bwa’s personal ad; Sassy seductress with ample bosom looking for my pirate captain. Must love fake Uggs, cahs, and be willing to put up wif my bitch of a dawwwtaaaa smokin da weeeeed and heh booooyyyyfriend Keffuh from the grassy knoll. Come check out my meat slicuh, you won’t regret it. <3 Babs <3
Barb's half-eaten hammmburgah Said,
All my extra posts!… Apparently I am bricks, too! How embarassing & sorry!
L-Train Said,
OKay…I think we should start planning this convention! Where should we have it. I’m thinking Boston, NYC, or West Virginia….

I want Patrick to respond and let us know what he thinks of this.
L-Train Said,
Kasey, YES! This should definitely be a throw back convention as well.
L-Train Said,
@Barb’s half eaten hamburger: Your description of the convention just made me pee a little. Hahahaha!

“tanning bed memberships, condoms, blunt wrappers, GED study guides, AirJordans, special guestspot in Jo’s next rap vid, cheetos, pet cave crickets, dirty blue hoodies…”

This is GOLD.
Brooke Said,
I vote Boston for the convention.
The Thin-Lipped Jenelle Said,
@Jenny – I saw the commercial too! I can’t tolerate Chelsea but the fact that Adumb is trying to get sympathy makes me want to vomit!! He must’ve seen how tool-ish he looks so now he’s reaching for anything to make him & his tiny arms look better.
L-Train Said,
Brooke, I vote Boston too since I live here. I feel like are a lot of Bostonians on here.
a yankee Said,
I vote Boston as well! Let’s get the party started! We just need to invite Bab’s cause we all speak the same!
Isaac's giant sneakers Said,
I vote for Boston too!!! We need to make this happen.

Patrick, any thoughts?

Perhaps the first convention could be a Knight’s of Columbus!! lolol
L-Train Said,
To verify we’re not serial killers I think we should go on Patrick’s fb wall and write our IBBB names. You know, because we all know serial killers couldn’t possibly have a fb page.
I’m curious as to who everyone is anyway…
Isaac's giant sneakers Said,
I just outed myself on Facebook too! lol

PS – I’m not a serial killer.
L-Train Said,
I did too. It’s like coming out of the IBBB closet.
Justlikehoneyboobooboo Said,
Is it just me, but wouldn’t it be heavenly if Barb and Randilicous got together. Barb deserves to be spoiled considering the lil bitch a dawwghtah she has to put up with.
Jenelle's Dime Bag Said,
I got as far as “Leah’s hair, of course, looks like the back of a hens ass and her face looks like the front of a hen.” and I was done. Its a good thing I work by myself, because I would have gotten some serious stares.
Thank you for this gift, Patrick.
MeMe6969 Said,
Yaah know I sarr Mike with that lil b*tch of Hoootaah’s girl on the front yahhd smokin’ Jenelle’s weeeed! I said “that’s it! YAH DONE!”. But ever since Mike hooked his new giiiiiirlfrieeend, I just feel so libaaahrated! I tell yah, It feels sooo good to be on the maaaahket! *cackles*

MeMe’s back! *growls* Pahtrick, yah got my Skype name. I am all yaahs now and I would lurrve to appeaah at the iBBB-cawn everyone’s taaahkin’ about.

Oh and the rest the Doctaah Drew show! Jo is such a scuzzy ass boooooyfriiiiend but did anyone else hear Jahhhdon say Kale lied about Jo wearin’ a caahndom that time she spread ha legs fah him? I caaahn’t believe she lieeed! If I was Jahhdon I’d libaahrate mahself and be throoough with her for good! *slurs*

*cackles* *slurs*
IBBB Said,
Hahaha these comments always crack me up and not just because crack is involved. I love the idea of having an IBBB convention, but only if we can just awkwardly stare at each other until it’s over.

Also, THANK YOU TO ALL for the Tweets. One day this sh*t will pay off and by “one day” I of course me once I’m roasting in hell. I shall see you there.

-IBBB
Mike's Hooters Girrllfrienn Said,
Is there any way to get a time stamp on this (awesome) blog so we know when everyone is commenting? I’m needy..

Did anyone see unseen moments with Jo rapping or the preview for next week when non-Dr. Drew says to Chelsea “Well you hurt him bad, I hope you’re happy” about her cheating with ADumb’s friend? As if he didn’t deserve it?
Allyse Said,
Will there be fishbowl-sized glasses of red wine and cheese puffs at the convention?
Jillian Said,
My tiny blackened heart skipped a beat at the thought of a convention for ibbb. Make. It. happen.
Wednesdaystreat Said,
My DVR is probably just stupid, but it keeps showing Finale Wrap Up with “Dr.” Drew (or whatever) Part 1–for like the next two weeks. I’m sure this can’t be right–is Part 2 this week or not?
Leah's Streetwalker eyeliner y'all! Said,
A couple of things:

1. Why on earth was “Dr” Drew being so rude to Jordan?? He couldn’t even be bothered to learn Jordan’s name! He totally took Kail the Snail’s side and acted like it was ok that she cheated b/c she’s a teen?? Uhh ok? Then they just blurt out that Kail gave Jordan an std for the whole world to hear. Jordan already got cheated on on national television, now he gets to have everyone in “The America” thinking he’s got the clap? Awesome.

2. Did anyone hear about Leah’s parking lot brawl last week?? Apparently, she was at the movies with the new fiancé, and some girls were callin her out for bein a whore y’all! And Leah jumped out of her truck and started fighting with one of the girls. Then 2 of the girl’s friends jumped in and Leah got a good old fashioned ass kickin y’all! Her mother then, being the class act that she is, took to twitter talking about Leah’s people had 3 carloads of people there 10 min after the fight and how the girls “messed with the wrong family” classy!

3. This has already been mentioned, but I can’t believe “Dr”Drew is going to make CHELSEA look like the bad guy this week in her part of the reunion. I know she’s bricks, but seriously, between her and Adumb, SHE’S the bad guy?? What show has Dr Drew been watching?! Wtf. Adumb is a douche

4. Also on twitter, apparently Chelsea’s been battling with some girl Adumb has been seeing. Chelsea just randomly started tweeting this chick calling her pathetic and desperate and such…pot and kettle anyone??

5. Lastly on twitter (yes I’m obsessed) the guy Leah cheated on Corey with has a twitter, his name is @Robbie_Kidd40. Leah’s friend Amy has been tweeting that Leah told Corey about the cheating a long time ago but then he spilled the beans to MTV about it when they started having problems and MTV wanted to film it. So basically the whole confrontation and crying on the bed thing was staged to let “the America” know about Leah’s leg spreading problem. That was some good actin y’all!
Suzie Q Said,
Dr drew sure does make Chelsea look bad. Its like It is OK that adumb has been a piece of shit dad because you hurt his feelings Chelsea. F off Dr Drew. Take the cameras in your house lets see what a perfect angle person you are with your perfect family and your perfect life. He is the most judgmental asshole, he just wears a suit and tie and thinks he is better. Patrick I think you should apply to MTV and ask to replace Dr Drew. You would make better TV. Thanks in advance