Feb
20

Fighting Spam: The One With the British Death Bed

Posted by IBBB

Read More On: i love spam

Me gusta when I get some crazy SPAM email. Here’s one of my favorites!

spam-email

Of course, my response was as follows:

Hey Emily – Ugh sorry to hear about the cancer. Seems like you can’t catch a break. Just yesterday you emailed me about being on your death bed due to losing your legs and one arm, although I think you typed “leggs.” LOL, I guess the one arm makes it tough for typing. Anybandages, that’s pretty neat that your late husband left you all those Euros. Is that like real money or like Chuck E. Cheese’s tokens? Oh sorry, I forgot you’re from the UK. You probably call it Charles E. Gouda or something. You Brits! Do you know Lisa Vanderpump? Of course you must.

I’m cool with donating the money to the orphans, as I grew up watching Annie with my sister and, well, I mean how long can those kids really have hot mush? I have a little problem, though, with the “widows in the society.” How do I round them all up? I’ll assume CraigsList, but hoping you can provide me names and addresses. If you can crawl out of your death bed, please let me know at your earliest convenience.

Speaking of “last deed on earth” you know what I want mine to be? To teach you proper English and, well, my actual name. You seem to think it’s “Remained Blessed” which is catchy, but would confuse the police if I ever got pulled over. Alright I gotta run. I just won 5 other Internet lotteries in the last 20 minutes and want to get all the paper work in order. Get well soon! I love you.

Thanks,
IBBB

18 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

IBBB Said,
Wanna send me SPAM? Well then join me on my Facebook page and let’s get to talking!

http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Varone/1591687454

and follow me on Twitter because that’s always a treat:

http://www.twitter.com/ibbb

and let’s try out Google Plus at:

http://plus.google.com/108051753526932667984

Ole!

-IBBB
Janet's 'stache Said,
Thank you for that, Patrick. I friggin’ love you. That is all.
Erica Said,
This is awesome!!! love it!
Beth Said,
Bahahahahaha this made my day!
Me Said,
hahahahahahahaha, I heart you!! Seriously, I hope they read that and get a good chuckle!
Vicky Said,
…I love you. Hahaha…
You are seriously brilliant!
anna Said,
YOUR AWESOME!
Dee Said,
Love it…as usual, you make me laugh at the craziest things.

You aren’t the one, by any chance, who came up with this idea?
(http://dontevenreply.com/top.php)
This person just goes around the internet answering classified ads in a very Patrick-like fashion, LOL
Be sure to read the one about the racist microwave buyer… hilarious.

Keep bringing those laughs, buddy
Lauren Said,
And… the UK doesn’t use Euros.
Tiffany Said,
LOOOOVE it. I think next you should do one on spam mail. I mean physical mail i.e. credit card offers, St Judes stickers (okay mayyybe skip that one), anywho, DO IT!
8th Grade Hoody Said,
What a delightful surprise to a boring Monday! Spam + Patrick = awesomeness!!!
Leigh Said,
“Charles E. Gouda”–made my frickin’ day. Thank you!
Kail's Big Brown Headband Said,
Me gusta, Patrick! Oh a happy Monday treat! I was just sitting here grading and actually caught myself writing “same/same” on the student’s paper. I blame you. They were supposed to list 2 things but only listed 1 but used slightly different words. You know, gave it the ole last-minute-maybe-the-TA’s-bricks college try. -50 ole!
Snarkatussin Said,
Great thinking! I thought this was a clever approach to spam and hope you continue with it! I’ve sent it to other friends to read… everyone enjoys a good laugh, Remained Blessed.
Suzie Q Said,
I sent it to my dad. His balls will fall off from laughing so hard.
sia Said,
Fucking fantastic. The “I love you” makes it better. Can we please be best friends and hang out every day and make fun of people at the local community college? Kthanks.
Mandy Said,
HAHAHAHA! I laughed out loud for about five minutes. I needed this today, it may have saved lives.
Wannabe Barb(ie) Said,
Will you marry me?