Dec
21

Teen Mom 2: The One Where Everyone Gets Orange Sweaters

Posted by IBBB

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Welcome back to another episode of “Teen Mom 2: Vag Today, Mom Tomorrow.” If you know someone who’s become brain-dead from reading these recaps, visit RespectIsNotLove.gov. Yeah, I turned it into a government agency…jealous? Here’s what went down last night with these teenage mothers (lite version due to me being on vacation).

Jenelle -It took a little while, but Jenelle finally figured out that the dashboard doesn’t tickle, especially when you’re tossed into it by your low-life booooyfriend. Therefore, she’s decided to break off her Disney princess-like romance with Queen LaQueefer and even reach out to Barb-o-Matic because now all her friends hate her. That’s strange because she’s so outgoing and friendly, you’d think she’d be the life of the party. You know things are tough when the white-trash Double-Mint Twins from the trailer don’t even want to associate with you anymore. I guess that’s what happens when you ruin their big bowling “night out” plans. Anyjunkee, Jenelle gives Barb a buzz to see if she can come back home and Barb, with her glorious voice says, “So, yaw gonna press chaaaaahges?” I would have been like, “What? I’m going to what? Full-court press on Chachi? Fine, I guess so.” Blessed Mother Barbara is going to need to take some time to think it over if her lil b*tch of a daughtaah can come on home and live under her roof with everyones favorite third roommate, Mike! So, it’s best if they meet up for dinner…at a place called “Mr. P’s” which must be “the poors” nickname for Papa John’s. Barb concludes her words of wisdom to Jenelle by saying that “No man should evaaah lay a hand on a woman.” She should have finished it off by saying, “…although a man should be allowed to pepper-spray a woman in line at Walmart on Black Friday because, well, it’s Black Friday so all bets are off!”

Later, Jenelle brings herself down to some fly-by-night police-type station where she can “press chaaaahges” against Special K. She’s telling the lady behind the counter, which I’m pretty sure was just a bank teller, that Keiffah kicked in the side of the car, pushed her into the ground, and wrestled her for her keys. Now I am “sans life” and I’m pretty sure I didn’t see any of that. Although, I’m sure I did dream at least some of it. When did this happen? At first I thought that Jenelle was just being a typical Pinocchio, but when the bank teller asks her if this is the first time she’s dealt with domestic abuse from Special K, she says “yes” but then is like, “well once he threw me into the car…” The bank teller was like, “Yeah, AnnaMae, that’s domestic violence too.” She should have have screamed “LoveisRespect.org” in her face until she puked computer keys. I have no idea. Anyway, we know that this is all official because the bank teller makes Jenelle swear on a Bible…just like Roz used to do it on Night Court.

Sidenote: What the hell was up with Jenelle’s friend who was sitting outside of a place called “Coffeehouse” and all pissed off and bitter that Jenelle hadn’t called her in many moons because she spent all her time with Special K? It’s like, realx sh*t for brains. I’m sure she’s extra pissed because she’s a white chick who’s dressed like a Harajuku Girl in a Gwen Stefani video circa 2005. I mean, she ain’t no hollaback girl. Besides, looks at her made my junk itch.

In the end we finally get to see Barb in the flesh. Hot, menopause-sweating flesh. While I was sad that we only got to see her in the last 5 minutes, it was totally worth it because both she and Jenelle were wearing orange sweaters. It was a little sad that Barb was too poor to afford the blue stripes to complete her authentic Ernie sweater, but maybe if she keeps slicing the deli meat she’ll be able to afford half the stripes by Spring. Barb ends up getting a little teary eyed when she learns that Jenelle has been sleeping in her car. She says, and I quote, “I don’t want you sleeping in yaw caaah. It’s cold!” At first I thought she being sincere but after she mentioned the cold I noticed her playing with the top of her turtleneck…just to rub it in that lil b*tches face! Jenelle and Barb decide that for the 46th time Jenelle is going to turn her life around and they shake on it. Shaking is good, but nothing beats a deli-meat-high-five!

Kail – Now that Kail has her new apartment paid for her by people like you and me, she’s ready to tell Jordan about it so that they can start banging on the regular. I hope they forget condoms and she shoots a baby out between her legs in 9-months. She should aim for the stork. Since her apartment is ready she needs to get all her crap out of Suzi’s House of Horror before 3pm because that’s when Suzi’s boyfriend gets home from work and I’m pretty sure by 3:15pm he’s fully in heat and ready to diddle those who lack courage…like the Cowardly Lion, you know, for instance.

It’s quickly moving day, because I don’t care about anything else that happened, and Kail has enlisted the help from some randoms. They end up wrapping up her television in a blanket with the wires still attached and are throwing clothes into a bag and tossing that junk into the truck like they’re burglars who give a damn. At one point I’m pretty sure I saw baby Issac in a box that said, “Do Not Bend.” The move quickly almost turns into an 80’s movie montage when the two helpers that are a horse of a different color start playing the guitar and singing. It’s like what I would imagine an episode of Webster to be like if they did like a Glee theme. I’m not even joking when I say I have no clue what the hell I’m talking about. I want to slap a 5150 on myself and go to bed chained or not chained to a stretcher. I’m not picky, it’s the holidays. Moving right along.

After Kail gets moved into her Section 8 Housing and Foreclosure, she decides it’s time to call Suzi and spill the pitocin that she basically robbed her and no longer takes up residence in the crack den. She’s moved on to bigger and better things…like a meth lab. Suzi seems confused on the phone by what Kail is saying but, then again, it is Suzi and she’s probably freaking out over the fact that voices are coming out of the phone. She suddenly has the sobering realization that her television is missing and needs Kail to bring it back on the double. Or maybe she just wants the TV back and wants a double? It’s hard to keep up with the tornado that is Suzi. Later she text messages Kail telling her that the remote control is missing and she needs that ASAP. My money is on the fact that Suzi is just in the wrong house.

In the end, Kail has to meet Suzi outside in the parking lot of her “job” to hand deliver the remote control. I’m surprised she didn’t put it down her pants and waddle back into her “office.” But, alas, she didn’t and she quickly turns into the Suzi Fidget Monster and lets Kail know that she’s pissed off that she moved out of the house like she was Harriet Tubman digging her way through the underground railroad. I hope this doesn’t mean we won’t be seeing more of Suzi SnowStains any time soon!

Leah – Hey ya’ll we’re back to listening to Leah try to do her voiceover without having it sound like she’s sounding out all her words. After Leah has put in nearly 4 shifts at the “Fix-Yo-Teef” office, she’s taking some well deserved time off. It makes sense because she needs to take Ali to go and get her MReeeeeeyyyye. Not for nothing but her new sidekick friend is about as bricks as Chelsea. She always asks the dumbest questions. This time around she wants to know why Ali needs an MRI and says (about her brain) “They can’t fix it? Why?” To which Leah (who’s nearly a doctor) says because they, “Can’t fix the brain.” Yeah, not in West Virginia at least! Zing!

When it’s time to take Ali to the hospital/woods Leah thinks that Ali seems depressed lately. I don’t blame her. She’s probably got a case of “the sads” because she’s living in a trailer with some random chick who has a weave worse than Britney Spears. Hell, I’d be withdrawn from society too! Once they all get to the hospital (and Leah gets her orange sweater cue from the producers), they get to meet with one of the doctors who, I sh*t you not, is named “Dr. Persilly” and actually says, “We’re doin’ this because of her little eyes?” I mean. Just roll the credits now because I am done. Done! I may have been rolling around on the floor kicking my legs from laughing so hard. Once it’s time to put Ali under it actually is a little sad, but that didn’t last long for me because the nurse asks Leah to sing to Ali whilst this is taking place. I immediately assumed they would request “Tardy for the Party” because I’m pretty sure the nurse thinks that Leah is, of course, Kim Zolciack. In the end, things got way creepy when they kept showing Ali unconscious and jamming tubes down her throat and then suddenly we were seeing all crazy moving images of her skull like it was some futuristic Light Bright from hell. Next!

Chelsea – I’m dumber for even typing her name. Am I done yet? Ugh. Randilicious can’t take Chelsea to get her knee amputated because he has to work, but he makes sure to make fun of her fat ass by saying, “You’re going to have to cut back on your jogging” and then he gives her the side-eye. That’s pretty cocky coming from a guy who looks a little like Jabba the Hut sinking into his sectional. But who am I to judge? Oh, that’s right, that’s what I do. Anyway, fast-forward before I Russell Armstrong myself, and Adam comes on over to get ready to take Chelsea off to surgery and play with Aubree for a few minutes. He does a great job, as he’s basically starts playing Circus of the Z-List Stars and somehow seems to throw Aubree across the room and she slams her head off the floor. You know what? If he’s going to make taking care of her alone let’s just get her picture ready for the milk carton now to save time. Cool?

After Chelsea has surgery on her knee (they need to replace it because apparently she spent too much time blowing Adam) she is a crying whining mess. So, you know, she’s doing swimmingly. By the way, why does Adam have finger tattoos? Any chance they happen to say something useful like, “Look For Work” or “For Picking.” Meanwhile, Aubree is losing her mind in the hospital, but that could be because she has a diaper on her head or because Adam called her a “bastard.” I’m not sure why Chelsea freaked out when he called her that because he was just calling it like it is. These goons make me yawn, like, a lot. So I’m going to stop here…but not before mentioning that Chelsea’s house looks like the set of Hoarders. Clean the place up you rusted dumpster!

Well that wraps that up. I would have written more, but like I said, I’m on a 2-week vacation and the thought of typing…or moving…gives me a case of the “sads” and the “yawns.” However, if you liked any part of this recap please click on the Facebook Recommend button and spread the word! While you’re at it, join me on my personal Facebook page where people seem to talk about Teen Mom no matter what I say. It’s creepy and fun all at the same time!

68 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

IBBB Said,
Hey y’all, are you a fan of my Teen Mom recaps? Well join me on my own Facebook page @

http://www.facebook.com/people/Patrick-Varone/1591687454

and follow me on Twitter @

http://www.twitter.com/ibbb

Tell your white trash bag friends too!

-IBBB
QueenofCorona Said,
Jenelle-there is nothing wrong with her kid. She’s just perma eye-rolling at her parents constant chopping up their already limited 50 word vocabulary. Cool Bump It on surgery day too.

Chelsea-I about pissed myself when Randy made the joke about her broken knee getting in the way of her jogging. Its funny cuz he’s fat. Her voice gives me the pukes. And sweet Pam Anderson BARB-ed wire tat you’ve got on those massive guns, Adam.

Jenelle-I loved Bab’s comment of, “No guy should evah lay a hand on yoooow.” No, thats what girls like Jenelle are for, to give someone a beat down that a decent man will not.

Kail-Prominent piggish nose in this episode. I hate it when my mom loves me less than her electronics.

In conclusion, Hooked on Phonics failed everyone of those bitches.

And is it mandatory, like do highschools send home a letter these days at orientation, requiring a facial piercing? Make it stop.
alwayssunny Said,
if janet doesn’t pop up soon in all her mustachioed glory i’m gonna be pissed. at least just have jo throw a wig on or something, it’s basically the same.
Miss W Said,
So last night I had the brilliant idea for a title: The One Where Everyone Wears an Orange Sweater….then I see your title, guess I’ve been reading a little too much IBBB.
This recap was extra funny. Why are the girls’ hairdos sooooooo hideous?? Especially in the aftershow. Woof!!
And I’m not trying to be insensitive and I know I don’t have kids and ‘don’t understand’ but Leah and Corey seem overly dramatic about anesthesia. I think they thought it was the same thing as euthanasia. But I’ll be nice by saying I hope their baby is ok.
I love this blog. You’re so funny and clever…
tracy Said,
the title made me laugh, because when janelle and barb were at the restaurant, my 6 year old daughter said, “do they have to wear orange there?”

oh jenelle…seafood alfredo without the seafood? im not sure about other lands, but in utah we just call that PASTA ALFREDO.

and what the HELL was with the hair in the aftershow? chelsea looked terrifying.
Huh? Said,
Didn’t anyone else notice that Corey was driving a close replica of the Pussy Wagon when they were going to the hospital???
CrackinUp Said,
This cast of characters drives me nuts. (well except for maybe Janet and Barb..and Suzi!) I miss the original Teen Mom cast!!!

And, i totally agree- their hairdos in the aftershow were absoluetly HORRIBLE!! whoever styled them needs to find another career!
donna Said,
how many people watched the next show a closer look?leah and chelseas hair made me want to scream.if this is how chelsea does hair,she totally needs to rethink her career.adam calling aubree a bastard made me mad and chelsea totally underreacted.anyone calling my baby a bastard better have good health insurance.
Gary's Tshirt Said,
I loved when Kail said she was going to meet her mom at work and Suzi runs out of some sort of convenience/liquor store! How great would it be to run into your local 7-11 and have Ms. Suzi Fidgets ring you up?
Brenda Walsh Said,
I love Leah’s pronunciation of anesthesia: ANISTEEEZEAHH.
Brenda Walsh Said,
But with that being said, I feel bad for Leah and Corey and their terrible, terrible health care. I’m sorry, your child is over a year old! How have the doctors not figured this out yet? Or at least have a better idea than “she needs glasses.” Poor vision is not the only issue. And my niece was born cross-eyed, had surgery when she was a few months old and is now 6 and 100% normal. So the cross-eyed issue is definitely not the only thing at play here. Oh, and is there only one geneticist in WV? Leah has been talking about this geneticist appointment since last season!
ME Said,
Love love love your recaps, I just wish people would understand that this is a continuation of last season and thats why they havent seen a geneticist yet. Were still in October/november of 2010 episode wise. Just like last season ended in October when Leah and Corey got married and now in this new season they just brought the kids out for halloween. CONTINUATION. They arent filming live. They filmed back to back it just hasnt aired till now. Do we all understand now?
KittyKat Said,
This episode was kinda boring (but we did at least get BARB and SUZI) but your recaps always make watching worth it. I wish I had a witty comment but, alas, I do not.

Enjoy your vacation and hope everyone enjoys the holiday season!! (Patrick- I still want a special holiday edition blog for your loyal IBBB family!!!!)
katie Said,
my brain can’t process anything until i get the images of leah and chelsea on the after show out of my head. WHAT THE HELL???!!! chelsea seemed to be channeling cruella deville, and leah looked like she just stepped out of a WV hair salon!
Brenda Walsh Said,
@ME Thanks for the comment but I always understood how time works. In fact, I commented on this very issue on last week’s post, as did quite a few other people. I just think it’s very dumb that MTV is choosing to air this over a year after it was filmed. And still, there is quite a delay in the time it is taking Leah to get Ali to this geneticist appointment. There was snow on the ground when they took Ali to get her MRI, so it’s at least November, at the earliest since we saw Halloween three episodes ago. Leah has been yammering about the geneticist for several months now.
funkster166 Said,
this epsiode was boring..but the after show had me in schock. WTF is up with all that nasty hair?? chelsea I didn’t even recognize..she lookedl ike a drag queen. Leah looked like a zebra.. Jenelle had horriable roots for the orange color she applied. the only one that looked herself was Kail and she can’t leave the 80s.
Abby Said,
“Tears of a Clown” keep running through my head during the aftershow. I couldn’t turn away – what the hell was “hair?”
Abby Said,
“Tears of a Clown” keep running through my head during the aftershow. I couldn’t turn away – what the hell was up with that “hair?”
ME Said,
ya if you look i said october/november. You dont just get into appts. and surgerys just in the snap of a finger. Theirs wait lists. My son was on a wait list for 4 months. Heck I can hardly get a family doctors appt without having to wait atleast a month. Let alone a specialists. And no last season they only found out about needing to see a geneticist a week before their wedding. Their wedding was in october. If were only in November she hasnt been yammering for several months now. maybe 1-2 months.
Cara Said,
I can’t stand how Chelsea is forever whining and saying, “no- ah”. The word “no” has one syllable. Drives me nuts!
ME Said,
You are obviously not understanding how time works. And just because several ppl comment on it doesnt mean your on to something lol it means just more of you are having trouble grasping the concept. The reason why MTV chooses to continuously film and then air it later is because if they put on TV what was happening in present day, we would be like wtf? Season 1 ended October 2010 we are in December 2011 thats a whole year of not knowing what went on and then we would be lost.

Also, there is not really a big delay in her getting to see a geneticist. You dont snap your fingers and have an appt. I cant even get in to see my family practitioner without waiting a month. Let alone a specialist. My son waited 4 months to see his.

She hasnt been yammering for several months now about the geneticist. If you paid attention, you would remember the doctor reccomended they see a geneticist a week/couple weeks before their wedding when he red the results were fine and she wanted to get a second opinion. Their wedding was in October 2010. Their showing episodes right now that are taking place in November 2010. So that equals her yammering about it for a month maybe a month and a half?
Kiera Said,
What was up with Adam tossing Aubree into the carpet? What a tool.
Gary's Huge Belly Said,
Adam is a total asshole with no redeeming qualities. Chelsea deserves the crappy treatment because she keeps letting him come back. She should say No-ah. That drives me insane also Cara.
Bitch Jungle Said,
@ME and @Brenda Walsh…..What it really comes down to is that this is a tv show based on life events. Like i am sure that Kail doesn’t need to live in Section 8 housing. i am sure she probably already has gotten a check or two. Likewise, they are making this timeline and telling the charachters to talk about certain things at certain times so who knows if the timeline is even a real representation. In addition, have either of you ever been through WV? Its a whole lotta nothing in the middle of windy roads and mountains with a few pockets of hicks here and there so they are probably traveling out of state to see the genetecist. maybe even Children’s Hospital here in Pgh.

BUT for realz….i really wanna know what is wrong with the baby.

Loved how Kail’s mom walked out of work at a dollar general or something.
Brenda Walsh Said,
@Bitch Jungle I agree, the whole timeline issue bothers me the most because all I want to know is WHAT IS WRONG WITH ALI?! I regularly pick up the weeklies if the Teen Mom girls are on the cover to see if there’s an update, and it never says. Are they saving her diagnosis for the show or do they really have no clue yet? How is that possible? It makes me want to drive there, grab that baby, and take her to a QUALITY children’s hospital. Doesn’t St. Jude’s help every child, regardless of income? Take Ali there please! And to answer your question, no I have never been to WV.
Rachel Said,
Was it bad that I laughed when Adam called Aubree “little bastard?” Father of the friggin Year right there..
Ibbb4eva Said,
I know this is teen mom 2 not teen mom but no commentary on this generations roseanne, amber being sent to jail? I think jenelle is in jail as well – maybe they could do a teen mom special from inside the prison
Bitch Jungle Said,
@Brenda I’m sure they have to know what is wrong with her by now and they are just saving it for the final season’s season finale or something. maybe even this season’s finale…..who knows.

WV is a gorgeous state if you are driving through. personally would never want to live there. If you ever get the chance check out the documentaries “The Dancing Outlaw” and “The Wild Wonderful Whites of West Virginia.” Quality entertainment right there!
rikcrik Said,
Weird, I was doing a google search on “Hot, menopause-sweating flesh” and found your site.
rikcrik Said,
IBBB4eva: I love that. Teen Mom Lockup, Extended Stay. If only they were all in one jail, MTV’d be all over that.

I know there is such a thing as “haircuts.” But during Kail’s segments, Isaac’s hair was short then long then short again. MTV really doesn’t make an effort to conceal the scripted aspects of this show.

I think the only reason Chelsea-ah didn’t pick up on the “bastard” comment is because every move Adam makes is one huge ef-up. He drops the kid, she cries when she has to be with him, he lets her wander around the hospital room tugging on all sorts of tubes going god knows where, he’s rude, and slimy. Plus, Chelsea-ah was still coming down from the drugs. It’s hard to keep up with it all.
KittyKat Said,
I’m spending my winter break watching old Teen Mom 2 episodes on Netflix. And laughing. A lot. Barb’s one liners are on fiyah this season.

And I miss Janet. And Jo’s Dad’s Kermit voice.
KittyKat Said,
@rikcrik…I noticed that, too! When she picked him up at Jo’s it was long and by the time she got back to her apartment, it was short. Again a great edit job!!
allysiepiecie Said,
“She should have have screamed “LoveisRespect.org” in her face until she puked computer keys.” – I’ve seriously been laughing at that line for over a half hour now. Brilliant.

rikcrik: I’m dying at Teen Mom Lockup: Extended Stay. Everyone gets orange jumpsuits to match their skin tone!!! It would be the greatest show ever. Amber would totally be the crazy bitch making shanks out of toilet paper in her cell.
Casey Said,
Did anyone notice the horrid wig Chelsea had on while talking to her dad? Apparently she messed up her hair trying to dye it and producers asked her to wear it
Wednesdaystreat Said,
Chelsea’s face is gonna pop like a balloon if it gets any bigger. Is she pregnant again or what? When Adam said, “Little Bastard” I thought, Well, that’s calling it like it is. What a total waste of human flesh that kid is, though.

The hair on the afters how had to be a joke, right?
Alyssa Said,
@Brenda Walsh- I read that Leah and Corey found out what is wrong with Ali about a month or 2 ago…but they don’t want to share it with anybody…because it’s personal to them. I get that it’s personal to them but in a way it kinda pisses me the f**k off! They have been dragging us along…and making Ali’s health issues their main story line for Leah, and now they don’t wanna tell us what’s wrong with her??? Idk maybe I’m just being nosy lol
Alyssa Said,
@Casey yes I noticed lol. I didn’t know the producers asked her to wear it…I just figured she didn’t want to embarrass herself, which she clearly did anyways
Brenda Walsh Said,
@Alyssa-If that’s true I’m going to be mad too! How they can let MTV film every dr appt, MREye, etc. etc. and then not reveal it? And what could be so personal? I mean, it is obvious just by looking at Ali that there is something wrong with her, so it’s not like no one knows and it’s a secret disease. Her life will be different from her sister’s regardless (unless whatever she is curable, which sadly I don’t think is the case). BTW, Ali is so freakin cute to me. Her glasses and her chubby little limbs. I die every time. Aleeah, on the other hand…….
Brittany Said,
Was it just me or did any one else notice chelsea’s hair when she was talking to her dad at his house? You can see her wig shift when she pats her hair! So that could be why her hair changes from dark to blonde so many times this season. Bad editing? Bad wig? Ugh its all the same! What is up with the OVER KILL on animal print?
Jillian Said,
Correction IBBB, Janelle has on an orange BLAZER. Seriously. Did she just get out of the office? Busy day for Janelle…..
26yoMom Said,
I want to know what Adam’s finger tattoos say. I am praying one of them doesn’t say Aubree. I know he’s an idiot, but that would just be grossly inappropriate.
Casey Said,
His finger tattoos say quotes from the movie Boondock Saints… Real original
@alyssa the wig was awful! I saw she said the wig thing to someone on her twitter, I can only imagine what her hair looked like if it was “messed up”
Ibbb4eva Said,
@brendawalsh they are probably just hoping for a big pay day and a cover of like in touch or life & style
Rachel Said,
I thought Chelsea was wearing a wig! I wondered why her hair looked so shiny..
Casey Said,
The wig looked like something a 70’s country singer would wear
lav Said,
1 – i’m 99% sure chelsea was wearing a wig! who’s hair looks like that?! i guess she’s a brunette kim zolciak? hmm, maybe not quite, kim is much more entertaining than chelsea.. patrick is right, chelsea is BRICKS

2 – i’m so used to adam being the biggest douche ever, i didn’t even flinch or think anything of when he just threw little aubree on the ground. i mean obviously i thought it was horrible, but it’s like come on, it’s adam. does anyone expect anything else from him? he. is. the. WORST!
LovetoReadHere Said,
Yeah, the after show was great. I thought for a second that they all looked like they were in drag, but I’ve never seen any guy in drag look as UGLY as any of these four girls did last night. Sorry girls; you look bad!
OFD Said,
Fix-yo-teef office= GOLD!!
LovetoReadHere Said,
Ali has Bilateral Optic Nerve Hypoplasia (ONH), –that is the medical term that describes her condition and one of the risk factors for developing this condition is maternal age less than 20. This condition can be associated with brain abnormalities that could impair her intellectual abilities, cause seizures, or even result in autism. Her vision could remain mild to moderately impaired, or eventually result in legal blindness. This is not a genetic condition per se. I expect them to eventually send her to an endocrinologist as there are a number of important endocrine functions that can go out of whack in babies with this condition. One of those problems is hypothyroidism. Some kids with OHN suffer from delayed growth and are given human growth factor. I’m not a doctor, but an RN with advanced degree.

By the way, I wondered why her mother who was (at least once) described as a “nurse” has been so detached from the baby’s medical condition. Well, I read her bio on her “official” Facebook fan page where she spills her life story (SHE was also a teen mom). She says that her husband Lee is the nurse, but she (Dawn) is a dental hygenist. She goes on to extole the virtues of Leah’s relationship with her new shack-up boyfriend (her soulmate, apparently.) Oh, and the babies turned 2 last week with separate parties from Leah and Corey.
Penelope Said,
Someone needs to run Adumb-uh over with their car. Community service and poetic justice, rolled into one.

All four of these girls look like they’re stinky dirty. Pounds of makeup on an unwashed face, hairspray in dirty hair, same old skanky sweatpants every day (I’m looking at you, Chelsea-uh).

I won’t watch the bits with Leah because I don’t believe a baby’s medical problems should be presented by anyone as entertainment. I will wonder out loud whether the poor child’s hillbilly parents, their lifestyle, their diet, etc., had anything to do with her disability. You and I both know it could be true, so stop looking at me like that.

I was worried that Barb wouldn’t bring the awesome last night at all and was relieved to see her in all her turtlenecked glory. An episode without Barb is like an episode without our own special brand of sunshine.
Brenda Walsh Said,
@LovetoReadHere Thank you! Not sure how you found that out, but good to know. That sucks for poor Ali though.
the2v's Said,
@LovetoReadHere – Wow, that is good to know, but what about all her other disabilities? Would this ONH cause her to have clubbed feed and poor muscle tone in her lower extremities? I think the whole Geneticist thing is a crock. I’m going back to med school and this poor girl is screaming (inside) “I HAVE PROBLEMS, TAKE ME TO CHICAGO” or at least a major city with a major Children’s Hospital. I honestly think she has Cerebral Palsy, she has so many of those symptoms too. What I don’t understand is how long it took her parents and family to realize that she wasn’t like her twin. I know kids develop at different times but hell, they shouldn’t be that far apart being the same age.

Chelsea-ah: grow the EFF UP! Omg, you know what happens when I’m sick or when I hurt my knee? I had to still wash the dishes, vacuum, fold laundry, feed my girls and take one to school. Holy moly, and you let your douche bag baby daddy take care of your kid. Classy, he is one step away from abusing that child psychologically cause she even knows not to waste her time with him. Of course, everything I’m saying in redundant because that is your messed up life. And run a brush through your hair and learn where bang really start, they don’t start by your ear. Geez, and you want to be a “cosmologist”…

Jenelle: do us all a favor and eat a bullet – from a gun. Your a waste of air and time and I fast forward your parts cause you and your white trash mom are just pathetic.

Kail: Keep up the good work trying to make it. But we all know that you make bank and you don’t need “government help”.

I also hate this MTV timeline. Why the hell did you make us wait like 14 months? I miss the days when MTV was cool.
Dena Said,
Orange is the new blue for Barb and everyone else, I guess.

Was Leah channeling Dolly Parton in one scene? I like big hair, but that was out of control. Also, they should have put a WARNING before showing that infrared MR-Eye montage.
Charlene Said,
I may be way off here but I swear that the spelling of Kail’s son’s name went from Issac (wrong!) to Isaac. Anyone? If so, did Kail and Jo (buy me an E!) figure it out and change it or could MTV have been wrong all this time?
Kaylie Said,
@Penelope, I completely agree about Leah! I think it’s actually quite disturbing that she uses Ali as their storyline. There’s a reason they don’t have a television show about people with lung/throat/liver/etc. cancer to prevent smoking/drinking. Because somebody being sick shouldn’t be looked at with the intention of entertainment. No matter how many times she and the other girls try to claim she’s “trying to show other girls what she goes through”. I will always think it’s terrible parenting. At this point, they don’t even know if it’s something that she will live to see her 2nd or 3rd birthday, yet they have no problem airing it all on national television show. It speaks volumes of the trash bag parents that they are. I agree with @BrendaWalsh though. She is the cutest of all of them, imo. Whenever she smiles, my heart melts. It’s feaking heartbreaking that her parents can’t even drive her to Pittsburgh or Cincinnati or Richmond or something. Cory’s job can’t POSSIBLY be that good. He dresses like he conducts traffic and looks like he hasn’t bathed in weeks. I’m sure he can do whatever it is he does in some other city closer to better medical care.
Kaylie Said,
P.S. AMAZING recap! They just need to implant Jenelle instead of Maci and they can cut this trashbag show into one series. Chelsea and Kail are beyond boring, and as I said above, Leah’s segments piss me off.
KS Said,
Thank you Patrick for this wonderful early Christmas gift of your recap especially since you are on vacation.

I’m also relieved to know I’m not the only viewer that thinks all of these girls look like they need to be relieved of all their wigs, extensions – whatever’s, their hair scrubbed and a brillo pad and ProActive to their faces! I don’t know if they all think they look good, or if they think they are “dressing up” for the cameras or what, but they all look awful!

Re: Ali – and the medical problems… where do I start? First of all I agree, the eye could have been corrected with surgery (the condition is genetic sadly I’ve had some cousins born with it), which is quick and can be done at an early age. I also agree with another poster and keep thinking why do they not get this kid to St. Jude’s or a Shriner’s Hospital? If they don’t have health coverage or money to pay for all the medical help this poor kid needs, there are resources available. If Leah was motivated enough to call MTV when she got knocked up, if she really loved her kid surely she could figure out how to contact some of these resources to help her child. Although, I also agree she is most likely waiting for the big magazine payout to “announce” what’s wrong with that poor baby. However, the thing that bothers me? MTV was willing to foot the bill for Amber to go to rehab – which we all know worked wonders, per the latest newspaper stories of her return to jail (or should I say gel as she calls it?), why can they not do something to help a poor innocent baby who not only has obvious medical problems, but sh*t for brains parents.

You know as much fun as it is for all of us to poke at these idiot girls – I do have to say… I REALLY feel all of those kids.

But, as always Patrick – AMAZING recap and thanks for the laughs!
katie Said,
i’ve also wondered why it took so long for them to decide that ali was developing slower than her sister. not only was she developing slower, but it was real OBVIOUS that she looked quite a bit different from her twin
if money is the issue, then leah needs to quit it with whatever she is doing to her hair. “sorry honey, i know you need corrective surgery, but mama needs to finish her transformation into the most ridiculous looking human being ever.”
Janet's 'stache Said,
I must be dense, because I didn’t notice that Chelsea-ah was wearing a wig in her scene with Randylicious. But I do notice that these chicks (Kail) claim to be broke, yet can afford to go get their nails done all the time. Can someone explain that?? I do feel for Kail, though. I mean, she’s in school, works, and has to drive back and forth everywhere a lot. Plus I can’t imagine what it would feel like to always have the pressure of not knowing if you are gonna be kicked out onto the street. It’s so sad to me.
Kail's stank-ass room Said,
I noticed that at least twice in this episode, 1) signing the papers for the apartment and 2) getting a text from her mom – Kail had different nails. Must have been a couple of weeks worth of footage though.

Also, anyone notice that when Kail “just got a text from her mom”, the text was at 2:12pm but it was pitch black outside? I was like….THE HELL?!
Kail's stank-ass room Said,
Been doing some looking around, and it seems as if Kail has been cashing those checks. Paparazzi snapped her kissing some (fine ass) guy and she tweets that they “should get a real job” and stop stalking her. Her wardrobe has improved and she’s sporting one of those handbags that can smuggle a few boxes of Zaxby’s club baskets into a movie theater…..oh, and apparently she has a nanny. MTV needs to stop the bullshit and portray how their lives REALLY are now, cuz honey, she don’t need that housing assistance, not if she can afford that new tattoo on her back she don’t.
KittyKat Said,
Correction to Chelsea’s mom. She’s a mix of Lois Griffin and Kathy Griffin. Seriously, is she Kathy’s mother?! It’s uncanny.

@Janet’s ’stache- These girls are not hurting for money…but, have you MET people on welfare?! I have a trashy stepsister who is milking the system for all it’s worth yet she has her nails and hair done all the time. Do her kids have enough clothes? No but her hurr look good…ugh. Trash.
donna Said,
i was just watching where jenelle goes to press charges.did they really beep out kiefers last name?
donna Said,
oh just listening to the love is respect message and the girl saying it sounded so depressed they should have ran the suicide hotline number after that.
Tom Said,
I hate how they have to portray a poor life. I read in an article that fat slob turn future pin up model amber portwood gets like 180k a year to do teen mom the original. MTV is paying these girls and quite a bit. Does it go in a trust that they can’t touch while they are filming? Anyone know how this works.
Kail's stank-ass room Said,
I agree Tom. I think they should get something, but not that much per year. And hopefully they have it set up to where a huge majority is guaranteed to go towards the childrens’ education…..On another note…..I think Amber is beautiful (with clothes on of course) but I have seen those nekkid photos and she’s got a nice behind. Anyone know if she was also slender before she got pregnant?
KittyKat Said,
@Tom, one of the current charges against Amber includes not setting up a trust fund for her daughter. So I’m guessing that part of their contract includes details about that and they probably didn’t get paid until after filming the first season. Still, they have plenty of money at their disposal. Given that none of them really have their life on track (ie gaining significant progress in their education/careers or making any kind of solid future for themselves or their children) handing them money isn’t going to help. But I guess rewarding bad behavior is the American way!!!

@Kail’s stank-ass room, First..get your eyes checked! haha Secondly, no…Amber said after her weight loss that she had been chubby all her life.
LovetoReadHere Said,
Correction to my earlier posts–based on what they have shown tonight, Ali’s eye condition is still OHN (optic nerve hypoplasia) but “unilateral”–meaning in one eye–instead of “bilateral”–meaning in both eyes. I find it odd that the ophthalmologist was so wrong about it being both eyes when he did his exam . . .