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Real Housewives of Beaverly La(t)kes: Friends Don’t Sue Friends. Friends Just Turn a Blind Eye to Friends With Really Long Age-Inappropriate Hair.
When I walk into a room, I OWN it! Sorry, wrong show. The point is, is that I’m on a 2 week vacation from work and, therefore, every day is like Saturday to me where I forgot to watch all of my favorite shows. Either way, here’s a “lite version” of what went down last night on “No One Over 22 Has a White Party So Just Stop It…ly Hills.”
To make sure that there isn’t a trace of another race or color in Beverly Hills, Kyle and her ponytail are having a White Party in her backyard. I hope 2 things. (1) I hope it’s as generic as the Cinco de Mayo party and (2) I hope the majority of the crowd is too old to get their period. Everyone appears to be really excited to attend this crapshoot with the exception of Adrienne, who is almost turning into the Gladys Kravitz of the bunch. You see, Russell is back from the dead and has sent Camille a letter stating that he’ll pretty much sue her for spilling the beans about how he likes to play “Ike and Tina” with Taylor and her lips. Camille is afraid to get sued by Russell because she’s trying to stay on course of never having to work an actual day in her life. Anyclubmtv, Adrienne is all up in tinseled arms because she’s afraid to be around Russell in case he wants to try and sue her as well. Why none of these women are nervous about the lawsuits I’ve sent them for having hair too long for their age is beyond me. I’m pretty sure my lawsuit concluded with something along the lines of “…and I expect mom-perms by season three.”
Sidenote: When Kyle was trying to set up for the party and came running out of her house to meet the guys unloading the trucks, did anyone notice how troll-like she looked? How tall is she? At one point I was like, “Why is Verne Troyer wearing a fright-wig and running out of Kyle’s house?!” I assume he was the entertainment for the White Party, but then realized it was just the lady of the man-hands.
The White Party, like any White Party (I assume) is filled with lot of drama over nobody wanting to be around Taylor and her soon to be dirt-napped husband Russell. Lisa Vanderfunk seems really concerned that maybe Taylor really didn’t know about the email that Russell sent Camille (from the beyooooooond!) but no one can seem to get in touch with Taylor in time to tell her not to come to the party so, lucky, for us we’re going to get to see them kicked out of the party on camera. This makes me think it was a little lightly scripted but, who’s kidding who, do you think I have the type of life where I have anything else going on where scripted reality show scenes would bother me? I mean, sure Kyle is letting tears fall down her face over the stress but she was an actress. Perhaps you’ve seen her as an extra on an old episode of 90210? Emmy-worthy.
The only person who doesn’t seem to be concerned with Taylor and Russell at all is our unsung hero, Kim. Hip, hip, hooray! Personally I want Bravo to play “For She’s a Jolly Good Fellow” every time Kim enters a scene. God, if I had control over this show! Kim seems like she’s in “good spirits” at the party, kinda like when a crack-head is in “good spirits” that their personal meth lab didn’t explode. Yeah, that kind. The only person that Kim doesn’t want to run into at the party is Brandi and her leg. So, it only makes sense that out of all the rooms in the house Kim and Brandi (and her leg) end up standing about two feet apart from each other (facing each other). The exchange is magical. I think Kim actually has no idea what is going on at all. In Brandi’s defense she did just stand there, basically, and let Kim Shasta McNasty all over her. At one point Brandi even admitted/confirmed having a “truck driver mouth” and then proceeded to say the F-word over and over again up towards the ceiling. It got pretty “Chris Hanson” creepy when Kim just kept on saying to Brandi, “It’s too bad a pretty girl like you, talks like that” or “I’m sorry a pretty girl like you acts like that?” She was one more “pretty girl” away from her creeptastic boyfriend starting to get jealous. Speaking of “the boyfriend” when Kim introduces him to everyone they all react and hug him like they can “catch jail time.” And you know what? I think they can. I. Think. They. Can. Oh, and special shout out to the chick from Dr. Drew Sober House who stood by Brandi’s side the whole time not saying a word. I’m sure she was there to do a full analysis on Kim and, well, I’d like to review that 75 page report.
In the end, no one can get in touch with Taylor and Russell to tell them not to come to the party so they show up at just the right time (when everyone else is already there) and just to make sure we all knew how much they were looking forward to coming to this party Taylor and Russell kept talking about it in the limo ride. In fact, they came back from Vegas early just to attend. To make things even grosser, Taylor (out loud) says that she’s so happy they’ve forgiven each other and then they kiss. Russell replies with “I’m a good boy now” which is code word for “I promise to only hit you with an open fist moving forward.” Disgusting (just like this recap). And it was strange how he kept saying that they were going to keep having fun like they did in Dallas and then Vegas. So basically Taylor got tossed around the room in 3 different states now. Good to have goals, I guess. Once they show up to Kyle’s house they are met at the walkway and Kyle just starts crying saying that something bad has happened. Way to play it cool. They all get involved in this, but I was most proud of Adrienne who seemed to be taking a “no bullsh*t” approach to Russell and his lies. Taylor, supposedly, had no clue about the lawsuit and while I think they were right to get them the hell out of Kyle’s house, you totally know that Taylor was going to have a horrific night at home. Even when Taylor and Russell were back in the limo and Russell was trying to say that what Camille said was just rumors, Adrienne was like, “Yeah no, it wasn’t.” And Paul got involved by chiming in with “I’m going with Camille on this one.” Well, now at least we can distribute the blame evenly over Russell’s death. Oh, and did you notice when Taylor and Russell were driving back home they didn’t say a word and Russell’s hands were crossed and his fingers were purple. Purple. Run Taylor, run!
Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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Brenda Walsh Said,
The level of staged in this episode was easily higher than any other this season. So Taylor isn’t receiving calls, reading texts, or checking her voicemail while everyone tries to frantically get a hold of her all night. Okay. Then, the whole way there in the limo Taylor and Russell talk about how much fun they’re going to have and they’re going to be the last ones to leave. (PS-Nice Circoc product placement Russ) Right. And they’re the last to arrive? Please. Don’t get me wrong though, I loved it.
Also, Adrienne and Paul were the heroes of this episode. They laid down the law and Paul deserves a medal for his “I believe Camille on this one” comment and the golden “this is a problem for Hawaii.” Bravo!
Lastly, I laughed out loud during the scene where Lisa and Pandora were listening to the band. They got all sappy, Lisa began to cry, and then, out of nowhere, the wedding planner leans over and plants one on……Giggy. Yes!
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Brooke Said,
Paul was a freaking rock star in this episode! I liked how right before the limo pulled away he said “Hawaii’s going to be a problem too”. Way to kick them when they’re down!
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Brenda Walsh Said,
Oh I forgot to mention how gross it was that kept Taylor got reallll bitchy and was like “enjoy your party. we’ll just go back to Vegas, where we just got off a plane from for YOUR party.” It was so bitchy and I hated her in that moment. Even Russell was like, “it’s ok Kyle, we’re not upset with you” but Taylor was COLD.
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Leslie Said,
Loved the “Chris Hanson” reference!
Scripted much? The only thing “unscripted” was Russell doing himself in at the end. Unless he did it for the good of the “ratings” I doubt they had counted on this explosion to take place.
The “acting” is so bad they manage to make Mitt Romney look like Tommy Tune.
“Robotic” reeks out of every “performance” with the exception of Kim who I doubt has any idea of where she is at any given time unless it involves “packing”.
Ken looks like a recent parollee from “Lock Up” while Mauricio’s mother Estella appears to be channeling a Britney Spears look.
What a hideous group of people.
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rikcrik Said,
Before this season ran, I honestly thought that Russell’s suicide had nothing to do with the show — or only just slightly relevant in that it added to his stress. It’s becoming increasingly more obvious that this show played a major role in his death and the fact that Bravo went ahead with this season completely sickens and disgusts me (but i watch anyway, what can I say?).
I can just picture the top 3 or 4 Bravo execs sitting in their offices before this season ran giggling hysterically over the tv gold russell’s suicide will create.
I never hated anyone as much as I hate movie/tv/book, etc critics (not bloggers — totally different beast), now tv execs are in super close running.
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Megan Said,
Kim- I want to run around in a field of lollipops with her looking for unicorns.
Kyle- CUT YOUR FREAKING HAIR
Adrienne- Did you notice the comments she was making about Kyle’s house/party as they were walking in? “Oh, this is nice”, but the tone was more like “This is an actual house, it’s the size of our master bedroom.”
Oh & what was with the champagne in plastic cups outside, is it a keg party? Nothing says class like drinking out of a plastic cup.
Paul- I love him
Taylor & Russel- I find it quite disturbing watching his scene’s knowing he is no longer living. I can only imagine the kind of night they had after being kicked out of the party of the year, oh but, he is a good boy now, so maybe it wasn’t that bad.I heart you- love all you posts!
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Jules Said,
THANK YOU for addressing Kyle’s trollness. I actually had to rewind and watch that again. Wierd right?
I think we can all agree that a lot of the show is staged and I would have thought the whole uninvite was staged if Russell hadn’t off’d himself in the end. You can’t belame the show for his death but I will admit that if he was already having problems, I’m sure his lies and abuse were becoming even more of an embarassment. I love how Adrienne took no crap and laid it out straight for Russell. He and Taylor were deer in headlights!
Patrick- have a happy and wonderful holiday but I swear don’t you just leave us hanging without recaps just because you think Christmas and time with your family are more important!! I mean…:)
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LisaP Said,
kyle, “no, taylor, don’t leave…..yet….we need more footage!” instead of paying attention to her party, manhands made that b.s. drag out like third grade lunchtable drama. speaking of third grade, kim was 1/2 sec away from saying, “i know you are but what am I?” to brandi.
and ibbb, you SHOULD be running this show. or at least have a shadow head commenting throughout ala mystery science theater. -
Gary's Huge Belly Said,
KIM made such a fool of herself..pointing that ugly wrinkled finger at Brandi while Brandi remained totally calm….loved it. Enjoying rehab Kim? What a train wreck.
I now love Paul totally…he was so right on.
Kyle and the “man hands”…. LOL!!! Love these recaps.
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yeah,right Said,
Brandi won; her sidekick has one of the most frightening faces I’ve seen. Where do these bitches get plastic surgery – Macco?Kim: what a bitch, I don’t care if she is a drunk crackhead, she’s disgusting and has earned every misery she is currently experiencing; too bad she reproduced.
Taylor is such a loser; she’s the kind of person I’d slam the door on – too much drama and neediness! -
Bahb's blue shirt Said,
Kim acted like a spoiled brat, and Brandi handled the situation with class. Honestly, get over it, her beef with Brandi is really getting old.
Did anyone watch the Taylor episode of WWHL? It was so strange to see her on what is typically a light hearted show, knowing that her husband killed himself only a few months ago. It just seemed kind of surreal. I guess we expect people to act a certain way when tragedy strikes, and while I know that isn’t really fair, I don’t know, it just seemed…wrong to me somehow, that she was sitting there yukking it up with Andy.
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Gary's Huge Belly Said,
Taylor is a con artist and grifter. I think Russell probably pushed her around which is not right..but I really don’t think he beat the living hell out of her…broke her jaw…and I dont think that picture of her eye is definitely abuse from him…especially when I have read surgeons online saying that could also be an after pic of eye surgery (cosmetic). Either way…the way she is profiting off of a man’s suicide and her own child’s father is disgusting. She and Kim should go to Asshole Island and live there alone away from society forever.
P.S. Amber back in jail ! What a shock!
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dacabsarehere Said,
Its good to see I wasn’t the only one thinking about how Taylor has to go home and be used as a punching bag for the live ejection at manhands party. I mean it blows my mind that they all have heared things from Taylor about him beating the bag out of her but none of them seem afraid for her or concerned about what will happen when they approach Russell.
Nonetheless, I agree with Adrienne that Taylor knew what was going on with that email. She may not have knew it was a legal action, but what does that matter when weeks ago they were talking about doing that to Lisa. She was upset with Camille for laying her stories out to air and I don’t believe for one second it was ALL on Russell. I also agree about how much I love Paul and Adrienne, those are the type of friends you need. They stood up for what was right, regardless of the situation and didn’t turn it into selfish drama like manhands and her crying. My favorite was when Russell tried to say it was a “very nice email” and Paul was like dude I read the email, we all read the email, it wasn’t nice, douchey. Loveddd it.
So regardless of how man-like Kyle’s hands look I have come to realize that Kim’s entire body looks like that. Her skin looks like she was practicing to be a giraffe in another life. All spotted and speckled and nasty. Uck …
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Gary's Huge Belly Said,
LMAO dacabsareher….You are right. Kim looks exactly like a giraffe..even the neck.
Taylor is spewing that Camille said things on camera…but none of that was going to be on camera the next day….if ever….if she had gone to Bravo and said “if you air that my child and I will be in danger” I doubt they would have done it. Russell’s suicide gave everybody carte blanche..including Taylor…to say anything she wanted…
I too loved when Paul said…no, it was an awful email..nothing nice about it….
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Odette Said,
Kyle is the biggest attention whore in the entire world, she has to make every single thing about herself. When she rushed out of the house frantically I laughed out loud because it looked like a 95 year old woman… er, running. Adrienne was a badass standing up to Russell, but they all kind of blamed Camille when really they should have said WE all feel uncomfortable with you coming in. Whatever, freakshows.
IBBB, you seem to be having your own White Party by recapping only RHBH and not Atlanta!!! Kidding, but seriously I miss the Atlanta recaps.
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39 & Not Pregnant Said,
I think since it was a white party, Taylor should have had to leave the Indian headress earrings at the door. And yes I was totally thinking the whole time that Russell was going to go home and beat the bag out of her.
How Brandi must smile while watching these episodes still proclaiming Kim is on some substance now that Kim has entered rehab. She is like Nostradamus or everyone else is an idiot.
The scripting was so weird in this one. My favorite was in the limo when Russell was claiming he would be the life of the party and the last to leave. Does he not remember every party last year when he left Taylor there to go home early? Not to speak ill of the deceased but what a dud he was.
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Dwidget6 Said,
LOL @dacabsarehere…I just laughed till I cried over the giraffe comment! Frickin hilarious and so true. I love this blog and all its commenters!
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M Said,
So true, Odette- Kyle is a total attention whore. What about that scene where she goes to Lisa for advice, but then when Lisa says she feels awkward because she and Taylor just got back from Vegas, Kyle cuts her off: “That doesn’t matter Lisa!! I’ve been friends with Taylor longer than you! This is my house! Me! Me! Me! Me! Me!”
How dare she yell at mama VanderPump! Get a haircut. -
M Said,
Oh and how bout Dana and her wannabe Lisa Manzo comb back (and up?) hairdo?
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M Said,
Oops- Carolyn Manzo.
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realhousewife Said,
I get that the white party was reality tv gold! But… No shout out to Lisa for wiping her eyes with pandorkas sweater!? Personally, I loved it! But seriously that Taylor is a sneaking little b*tch isn’t she. The look on her face when Kyle was crying was priceless. Taylor cries in every episode but for this just a weird smirk? Either she loved the attention/drama or she knew what was in for her once the camera crew left…..
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kerry Said,
paul was practically giddy to be a part of the drama.
what type of foolishness was that for kim to say “and my daughter has something to say to you,” to brandi?!
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Brenda Walsh Said,
@kerry thank god brandi had the sense to say “I’m not going to fight with children.”
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Kiera Said,
I literally fell asleep somewhere while the party planners were setting up at Kyle’s house. I THINK I saw people arriving in white dresses but faded out right about there. Thanks for the recap on what I missed.
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Kiera Said,
lol @ “Brandi (and her leg)”
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Dani Said,
This whole group is superficial beyond belief. We are concerned abut being sued so we confront a “probable abuser” on tv for the world to see. Idiots, the whole lot. Are people that uninformed about domestic violence. Yes, I know, Taylor is shady as hell but one must err on the side of caution in this case.
Kim made a total fool of herself. Tough to watch that meltdown. Loved the scene with her daughters where she basically tells them to always take the high road. Ok Kim but don’t lead by example. That works well with kids, especially teens who are just looking for your screw-ups to blame all their bad behavior on.
Over Kyle and her drama and narcisissim. Lord lady, can anything ever be about anyone else? You profess to care about Taylor and then basically chase her back to the limo to out her in front of her abuser. I did have to laugh when the whole pack of them ran after Kyle to the limo because yes, multiple confrontations also are a smart choice. I looked at Russells’s face and he was absolutely seething, trying to contain his anger. Yikes, sorry he is dead but the guy creeps me out.
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suxx2bu Said,
hi everyone.
first time poster and long-time lurker. some of the comments here crack me up. lately, ive been reading the recaps and THEN watch the show. the backwards step makes it even more hilarious.
i’ve been watching RHOBV all season and i guess things came down on this week’s episode.
i have to say, this is pretty much taylor’s fault. she’s the one who told everyone what was going on. even kyle, her BFF, even said camille was just REPEATING everything she said. but when taylor said it was the exaggerated version, kyle said it was not. it’s what she told all of them. notice how the bitch and her fat-ass lips shut up after that.
the more i watch taylor, the more i feel she is a phony and i’m finding it harder to believe russell did THAT much abuse to her. i believe he’s done stuff to her, but not the magnitude she’s been telling.
in the same token, brandi is beginning to be likeable. she tells it as it is and some of the housewives can’t handle it (a-hem kim and kyle).
lastly, why didn’t anyone comment on crazy-ass kim coughing on lisa’s face? seriously, she’s a nutjob. i guess she’s perfect for fat mr. (flick my) bean.
ps.
the giraffe comparison on kim is pure genius. -
Jules Said,
suxx2bu – OMG you are right…I had forgotten about the rude and disgusting couching. Someone address this please!!
I have to wonder something? If Taylor was defaming Russell why didn’t he threaten to sue her? Just curious!!
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Keiffahsgrassyknoll Said,
Lmao @ Mystery Science Theater comment. I would personally graft human hair on Jiggy if IBBB recreated these episodes with commentary.
Did anyone see the brown liquid of sorts running down Shana’s/Taylor’s chest in the limo? Ugh.
I pray to my savior, The Maloof God in heaven, for Kyle to cut the hair. Puke.
Check out adrienne’s pic on the front page of her website…Hello airbrushing. And the pose? Lord have mercy.
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Nipples Said,
Seriously, what’s with Brandi’s nipples? Why are they visable in every single shot of her? Is that an implant thing, they gave her rock hard nipples to go along with her rock hard boobs? It’s creeping me out. It’s creeping me out even further I can’t stop looking at them.
And honestly, Kim’s obviously a moron, but I don’t get Brandi’s arguing strategy.
Kim: “Slut pig!”
Brandi: “Yes, I am a slut pig.”
Kim: “You have a trucker mouth.”
Brandi: “Yes, I do have a trucker mouth. F**k, f**k, f**k.”So, the idea is to just agree with the person screaming nasty things at you. I have no idea why that works, but it seems to for her. Interesting.
