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Real Housewives of Atlanta: Chateau Future Foreclosure
Chateau Sh*t Show - Since someone secured a seven-figah-set-tle-ment the money seems to be raining down on She By Hooray. So much so, in fact, that she’s bought a home, tearing it down, and then building an 8,ooo sq foot home on the land. It will, of course, have a room for her kids to roller skate, a place for She By to work out, and a little 1K sq foot nook so she can get massages. Here’s the deal, I know She By keeps saying it’s in a super exclusive neighborhood so I immediately started playing Where’s Waldo in the background and am pretty sure I saw a raised-ranch across the street. Ooo la la. So she’s going to have Chateau Future Foreclosure (that will be my title) built on a hill looking down on a couple of ranches and bungalows down the street. That makes sense. I just hope this house gets built quickly so she can get back to work on making beautiful dresses for Fashion Bug, DOTS, and 5-7-9.
I Don’t Care What I Said in the Past, Me Gusta Phaedra - I don’t care what I said in the past, me gusta Phaedra. Does that seem like deja vu? Does that seem like deja vu? High five for 6th grade jokes! High five for 6th grade jokes! Anyjunkindatrunk, I love Phaedra. She is a sizzlin’ hot mess. First off she’s basically wearing a J Lo jumper and has the word “His” bedazzles across one giant donkey ass cheek. Ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it. And Phaedra is lovin’ the the McGriddle from the looks of it. I wouldn’t want her any other way…unless she was wearing her pink jumper at the funeral parlor. Moving on. Looks like Apollo was pulled over by police and one of Phae Phae’s phriends found out and called her to tell her the gossip. To be honest I can’t really follow what actually happened. It was like they were speaking in code. Code that only people in prison can hear. Apollo looks like he’s about one more “pull over” from playing a little Ike and Tina with poor little Phaedra. Big wheel keep on turnin’.
Ding Dong! Awkward’s at the Front Door - Nene’s youngest son is basically saying how much he hates it that she and Greg are separated and he has to live in two different homes. NeNe is pretty much like, “we may get back together.” Yeah, way to provide false hope when you’ve been running your mouth that you’re getting divorced. I’ll take “Psychological Damage” for $800. Suddenly the doorbell rings and it’s creeptastic Greg ready to slowly walk into the house with his head down the whole time. He and NeNe kiss on the cheek and make it seem like things are fine. My favorite part, however, is how they didn’t look each other in the eye the whole time. It’s like a prostitutes relationship with her pimp…if her pimp were her dad…and slow. There I said it. I’m not sure exactly what I’m getting at but, let’s face it, this episode is a snoozeroo.
I Found Rocky Dennis in One of the Scenes - Did you?
Why Doesn’t Peter Like My Little Phae Phae? - So Peter, who may or may not be the voice of Sebastian from The Little Mermaid that I’ve seen 5,039 times because of my niece, doesn’t like Phaedra and decided to cackle like a little school-girl in heat to some cracktastic magazine. Seriously dude, get your own show and stop trying to steal the spotlight from your dead-behind-the-eyes wife. In this article he simply states that he doesn’t like Phaedra’s ass. How could he not? So rude. But Phaedra gets the last laugh by calling him Papa Smurf since he has a white beard and a ton of kids he has to take care of. Kinda brilliant, if I do say so myself. I mean, she also called him Uncle Ben, but even I wouldn’t touch that joke with a ten foot NeNe pole. I can, however, laugh over Papa Smurf because last I heard it’s ok to be racist towards blue people.
Kim’s Baby Shower: Phaedra’s Shower Part II - Did anyone get a good look at the life size pictures of Kim and Kroy at Kim’s baby shower? Priceless. In each one Kim looked like one of those life-like sex dolls that I hear they sell. She literally looks like a dead Muppet hooker in each and every photo. I was pausing it looking for the chalk outline in each but, alas, I came up empty (like Cynthia’s pockets). There was actually one picture with Kroy and the kids and Kim wearing some type of wrap about her rack. Literally, it was like a piece of silk covering only her bare breasts. So motherly. I remember when my family took our family portrait and my mom forgot to wear her top too. Oh mom!
For reasons that I don’t currently understand, Kim’s dad goes over to Phaedra, starts talking to her about being a lawyer, and then hands her a business card saying he can help her out because he’s worked with lawyers for over 30 years. Doing what? And who networks at their daughter’s baby shower whilst on camera. Phaedra actually looked like she thought she could catch “crazy white person” simply from talking to him. And you know what, recent test results show that you can, in fact, catch that.
One of my favorite parts of the shower was when little Schecky Zolciak gave a speech about her mom and Kroy and said, “…and now she’s knocked up, so thanks.” Kim starting fanning herself to fight away the tears. The littlest Zolciak daughter, who was dressed like Madonna from the Like a Virgin days, just was looking at everyone like when Cindy Brady froze when she saw that damn red light whilst on the random game show. Truth be told I want to be a Zolciak for a day. There has to be some radio contest for that. Hopefully. I’ll start looking into it. Eh, at least it’s nice that Kroy treats them well. He’ll be gone as soon as he’s traded to a different team or gets cut and ends up on disability. Whichever comes first. I’m not God. I don’t know everything. But trust me.
In the end, Cynthia and Peter show up literally 5 hours late for the shower and don’t bring a gift. Trash bags. Peter plops himself down at Phaedra’s table and Kandi is the only one who’s talking to him. He says he’ll invite her to his new bar opening and Phae Phae says that Peter won’t invite her because he doesn’t like her. I actually started laughing out loud. Good for Phae Phae. Phae even drags in She By to the table conversation by calling Peter out for saying that She By isn’t cute. I’m glad they called him out for being such a gossipy little nina. From there a fight ensues between Apollo and Peter. I mean it was nothing like the Real Housewives of New Jersey christening fight, but it did resemble it. Apollo kept calling Peter and old man and I began to squeal with delight. The police suddenly came over and everyone ran like rats on a sinking ship. Now how come there were police at Kim’s 100 person baby shower, but not one cop at the Gorga’s 300 person Italian christening? These are just some things that we’ll never know. Like is the earth really round? It can’t be answered.
Programming Note: IBBB is traveling home for Thanksgiving starting tonight and will miss the RHOBH but hope to catch it again this week and recap the pants off of it. Stop complaining. Be thankful I’m alive.
Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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Clairee Said,
Lolz, but here’s what I want to know… Was that lil Zolciak wearing a wig at the baby shower? Arianna is her name, I think. Happy T Day!
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kas Said,
@Clairee: I wondered that too, about the wig. That, and does she just have a mouth full of braces or what(Invisiline or whatever)? When she came downstairs and they were commenting on her dress, it was like she had chewing tobacco in there or something.
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Clairee Said,
@kas Does Kroy know what he got himself into? smh
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Kat79 Said,
I was just wondering if I was way too sheltered or what to understand what the hell Peter and Apollo where yelling back and forth at each other. Half the time I didn’t understand what they where talking about.
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Clairee Said,
Peter to Apollo: Raggin on him about getting pulled over, being in jail, told him he’s weak
Apollo to Peter: Told him to get his finances straight, that he’s too old to be acting like that. Step down bc he’s not gonna fight him.
Basically
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adopted Zolciak Said,
1) me mucho gusta this recap.
2) im jealous of phaedra’s postbaby bod
3) in the interviews, kim’s lips look like they exploded along with her other lips……….too far? -
Gary's Huge Belly Said,
I can’t stand Peter and I stood up and clapped when Phaedra called him Papa Smurf and he totally does look like Uncle Ben. Totally.
Kim is a train wreck and her older daughter is following right in her footsteps..I am going to rewatch it and try to figure out if she is also wearing a wig…
Poor Kroy.
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Jen Said,
“I Found Rocky Dennis in One of the Scenes – Did you?”
Who on the show is he referring to??? I can’t figure it out! Anyone know?
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Anonymous Said,
What about the UNCLE BEN reference ? I’m still dying of laughter. I initially liked Phae Phae when she 1st came on, then she made a comment about white people eating nasty food then I thought she was a snot, but she’s BACK !!!! I love her !! LOOOOOVE !!!
Peter is not RELEVANT ( borrowing that word from Basketballwivesmiami. Thankyou) So that is why he ‘interviews’ in a mag no one heard of and talks crap about people. For no reason really. Sheree is cute, on the outside. Enough said. Nothing wrong with Phaedra and Apollo. Give me a break. Peter is just all nasty and torn up inside cuz his shits all a mess and he wants to drag everyone down with him. Cynthia should have BEGGED her baby daddy to marry her. He is awesome, and smart and been in the ‘ cynthia business’ a lot longer than anyone else and when those two greet and SMOOCH, I see SOMETHIN’ going on there.
I didn’t see Rocky Dennis but I Love the reference and I ESPECIALLY Love the CINDY BRADY when the red light goes on reference. That face has been burned into my memory. Bravo IBBB.
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gavin Said,
impressed with the 5-7-9 reference, must have some scantily clad suburban girls in your life
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giacomo Said,
I’m not watching this shit but I likes it here.
Question: Kroy? This is dude’s name? Didn’t he get killed by Tron, or Superman, or the Scarlet Witch? -
dacabsarehere Said,
5-7-9? Is that like a Big and Lots thing? Lol.
I am totally Team Phaedra/She By Who Gonna Check Me Boo/Zolciak and I’ll even through in Lawrence. Peter and dead behind the eys totally came into that shower looking for a rumble in the jungle. No doubt, he even commented before he went in that he hopes he don’t get thrown out. Looking for a fight much? Uncle Ben needs to sit down bro, hes to old!
I would love for Phaedra and Nene to spend some more time together because Phaedra would light that dragqueen up … <3 me some Phaedra.
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kerry Said,
“Kim looked like one of those life-like sex dolls. . ” perfect description.
It’s funny how, so far, since she’s been with Kroy she’s trying to act as if she’s above all the drama, when we all know she’s capable of being a dirty low down monkey with a wig -
lav Said,
didn’t like phaedra at first but now she’s my favorite.. she’s hilaaarious and i LOVE IT.
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Dirty Darl Said,
All I can say is that I hope to Santa Christ that Kroy had enough sense to get a prenup before marrying wig tits. What the hell does he see in a money grubbing skanky 45 year old looking 33 year old??
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Clairee Said,
No, not the older daughter, the little one. Kim’s little girl was wearing a wig! Lol
Some crazy shit -
Jen Said,
I STILL can’t figure out the Rocky Dennis reference. It’s driving me nuts! Anyone? Patrick? Please, it’s driving me crazy!
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Jen Said,
Does Rocky Dennis = the baby store clerk? Dead wrong, Patrick, dead wrong. LMAO!!
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Angie Said,
Maybe I’m just tired tonight, but I thought this episode was hilarious. Phaedra’s jokes and facial expressions were on point, Kandi was sh*t stirring, and even though Peter seems like a d*ck, I couldn’t help but think he could whoop Apollo’s ass just based on how high pitched Apollo’s voice was when he was trying to talk smack to Peter. Lolz.
Also, am I the only person who thinks Cynthia’s (fine ass) ex looks just like Mos Def?
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Joan Said,
I have to say Phae Phae has one wicked wit about her, even if she is married to an ex-con and a soon-to-be-again con…Papa Smurft owned me!
I actually really like Kroy which means he’ll do shit to the ratings and you are correct – he’ll be gone by next season.
I’m so over Peter and the braindead model – whatshername. If she wasn’t black you could see her bruises…no Shit.
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giacomo Said,
Checked stuff out. First, when the blonde whore goes white, she REALLY goes for white, doesn’t she? Then – to all the Kroys of the world: have you never heard of prostitutes? They’re more sincere than these nightmares you marry, and way cheaper.
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Paddy Said,
Leon IS fine as hell. Period. Dead-eyes Cyn must have an always-on-the-defensive-smart-mouth-Papa-Smurf fetish.
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LisaP Said,
wig tits. dirty darl – too funny. HOW did she say she was 33 with a straight face? seriously.
and cynthia – what a simpering, spineless bore she is. i am so sick of her sticking up for peter and nene. if she had an ounce of self respect, she would have shut nene down last season with her (gross) flirtation with peter right in front of cynthia. -
wow Said,
You know what’s really scary about Kim? She is legitimately as young as she says she is. If you Google it, you’ll find she was born in 1978 and graduated high school in 1996. She just looks horrid! She should’ve lied about her age and said she’s OLDER than she really is. She wouldn’t seem like such a sea hag if she said she was 53.
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disshit Said,
@Joan, black people bruise, get burned in the sun and wait for it…have good credit! -__-
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Heynow221 Said,
who gon check me boo? patiently waiting for this week’s recap O:)
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thedonk Said,
where’s the recap for this weeks ATL? Phae Phae actually “neighs” her butt to the contractor guy.
I need some sort of recap on that. thanks.
