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Harriet Carter Wednesday: Puffy Leather Couch Stabbings
If you know me you know there’s one goal I have in my life and that is, of course, to stab a puffy leather couch with a butcher knife. That’s all. Some people dream big, some just want to slash leather. I’m not saying it’s normal. Well, the scientists over at the Harriet Carter labs must be faithful readers of IBBB because they’ve “invented” something called “Clear Patch Tape.” What is Clear Patch Tape, you ask? Well according to the description you can forget that “ugly “ duct tape when trying to patch up your puffy leather couch stab wounds. Now all you need to do after slicing and dicing is simply cut off a piece of this clear tape and then simply place it over the gash and, voila!, “the poors” furniture looks as good as new if “new” was code for “tape on your couch that eventually will turn black from dirt around the edges after one week.” Plus there’s nothing more that likes to pick at things like bratty kids and even brattier pets. So basically your stab wound that’s turned into a tape mark will shortly turn into claw marks. And I love how it says it’s also great for window glass. Safe! Make it easy for your neighborhood burglars to get right in simply by pulling the tape off the window glass so they scurry right inside and steal your plastic Boston Celtics tumbler set of 4 that you got for $1.99 each when you bought enough gas at Shell circa 1988! Sadly, you’ll now need to remove these items from your will. Your kids will be heartbroken.
Seriously, how is this an option? More importantly, how is this anything more than just tape? I mean the chick in this picture has the money to get her Housewives of Orange County nails done on the regular, but she can’t afford to get this couch professionally fixed? If you can’t afford to take care of the puffy leather couch you shouldn’t buy it. Would you put an Oldsmobile emblem on your Mercedes if someone stole your Mercedes emblem? I think not. If you’re going to stab your couch, you have to pay the penalty.
Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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Vicky Said,
I hope that someday soon you’ll be able to meet that life goal, stab that puffy leather couch and then…live happily ever after! You deserve nothing but the best IBBB, pleaser send me your address and I will purchase and send you youHarrietr own roll of Harriet Carrier tape to carry with you in your man-bag so you can be polite and tape up a any damage to the couch after you’ve stabbed it!
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alwayssunny Said,
i got my boston celtics tumblers at that gas station that got burned down by black kids (shout out to jackie’s packie) and if anyone touches them i swear to god… i mean those shits are collectables! i display them right next to my collection of happy meal toys from the 90’s in the cabinet next to my puffy leather couch.
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Langtry Said,
I’m sorry, but isn’t that just clear packing tape? I cuy buy some at the U-Haul next time I have to transport my things from one hovel to the next.
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dacabsarehere Said,
Apparently, big brother is sending emails to the peeps at Harriet Carter. This product could not possibly be directed to anyone as much as to you, sir. You’ve really hit the big time of blogging when Harriet Carter is making products just for you. Kudos!
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kas Said,
Off topic, but Patrick every time I see the new Teen Mom Preview I think of you. Janelle looks like she might be applying clear patch tape (c4195) to her face for sassing the #1 Mom in all of The America ever.
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lav Said,
I LOVE YOU.
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lav Said,
and harriet, obviously.
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kasey Said,
omg you must have done something right in santa christ’s eyes! this was made for you.
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QueenofCorona Said,
It’s like “Honey, I Blew Up the Scotch Tape”
Where do you go when you’re gone? Mama missed you.
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OFD Said,
Ummm… that just looks like a big roll of scotch tape.
I missed you! You’re never allowed to go away for that long again. So there.
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Kiera Said,
I’m old school and will keep using the silver duck tape.
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That's what she Said,
Hey, those Celtics tumblers were genuine GLASS! Where the hell are those things? I miss them.
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Cole Mauser Said,
Anyone think the rip and the button on the couch look like a vagina and a butthole? Just sayin’.
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anyiloveibbb Said,
Alwayssunny owes me a a new screen. Lmao.
