07
Teen Mom Recap: Amber Becomes a Woman in Jail
Farrah – It’s been about 3 minutes since our little Glow Worm with a new rack has made the friendly skies unfriendly so it only makes sense that Farrah is talking to Debra and filling us all in that she wants to travel to Florida to check out some below average school that takes worms and look into some apartments that double as crack dens so that Sophia has increased chances of one day becoming a Madam. Dream big, baby Goo, because these episodes will most likely be the highlight of your life. It was odd because Debra seemed very supportive of Farrah checking out Florida, at first, but then she suddenly used her rusty trash claw to throw Farrah a curve ball by suggesting she she “keep” Sophia while Farrah goes to school in Florida. Apparently the angle she’s going for has to do with it being cheaper for Farrah to fly back and forth to see Sophia than it will be to hire some “nanny kind of person.” Oh Debra, you are the trickiest Who anyone has seen in Whoville since the Grinch dressed up as Santa and stole all of Cindy-Lou Who’s trickets, drinkets, and wallygongs! All of this, of course, makes Farrah immediately snap into the traditional Ugly Cry, but this time she tries to talk through the Ugly Cry in which it sounds like she says that if she stays it’s because Debra suffocates her and she never wants to go out…and have unprotected sex with people who will eventually die. Fine, I made that last part up but it would be awesome if she said she just wants to get laid and hasn’t been able to have naughty times in over two years. Seriously, that’s what I think everyone’s problem is in that family. They all need to do the sex and start drinking more. The More You Know.
Per usual, as Farrah is packing up her crap for her 15th trip of the season she decides to start yelling at Michael. She’s good like that. Michael comes over in his pajamas (pervert) and walks in with a stuffed animal for baby goop. Without batting an eye, Farrah in her typical robotic monotone voice just spews out, “Hi Michael, thanks for knocking.” At first I thought she was thanking him for buying her implants, as in “Hi Michael, thanks for knockers!” but evidently I was incorrect which is weird because that never really happens. Michael looks like he had to down a couple of Prickly Pear Margaritas before coming over to Farrah’s house of horror, but was missing the ingredients so he just mixed bleach and cheap vodka and was ready for death or a Farrah visit…whichever was planned next and less painful.
Anyquestionablemole, Farrah lets Michael know that she’s sick of the precious little puppy that she gave to Sophia so she’s ready to stuff it down the garbage disposal or give it to the crack box neighbor next door and Sophia will never even miss it. That’s sweet. Luckily the prosecution will have all this footage to use in their case of “The America vs. That Little B*tch Farrah” in 2017. I’m surprised Farrah is giving the dog away because she showed her motherly instinct by holding the puppy over the trash barrel with one hand and trying to shake the diaper off of it like she was Louise Woodward. And, not for nothing, but enough with that Knicks t-shirt. It’s almost starting to turn into Gary’s AERO t-shirt and, well, none of us need that. Plus, I’m tired of seeing her underdeveloped stick arms dangling out the sleeves. The only time I’m ok with seeing appendages that small is when I’m playing hangman…which is typically on Friday nights so don’t judge me. Jerks.
Well it’s finally time for the big trip to Florida! Farrah drops off Sophia’s Christmas gift at the crazy neighbors house that still appears to be filled with Coke memorabilia, dust bunnies, and pending death. That chick Jean who has a permagrin on her face just blurts out “I love this dog” when Farrah hands it to her. I have a feeling Jean has no idea where she actually is and thinks that Farrah just handed her a basket of muffins. Someone is going to need to explain to baby goop why Jean put the dog in the microwave for 10 seconds and then is smearing butter on him. Eh, that’s another conversation for another time. At least the whole time Farrah just left Sophia in the car (UNATTENDED!) during her whole visit with Jean. That’s safe. Later, they finally arrive at Ft Lauderdale because, at the end of the day, Farrah is totally 80’s Spring Break when you really think about it so Lauderdale is fitting. My personal favorite was how Sophia was just sitting on Farrah’s lap in the back of the cab without a car seat (almost as much as I liked how Bint-Lee just called shotgun and sat in the front seat of the car whilst Maci drove Kyle to the hospital). Oh that Sophia! Spring Break party animal!
Farrah ends up checking out some real nice places that look like Section 8 Housing and Foreclosure and, in the end, ends up taking Sophia to the beach while the sun is setting. Sophia, of course, freaks the F out when her feet touch the sand (like most kids) and is screaming and yelling when Farrah picks her up and brings her closer to the water that has waves that makes Debra’s butcher knife slashing look like a walk in the park. At one point Sophia legit gives Farrah the side-eye that really says, “B*tch, enough with these trips. Give me some consistency in my life, will ya?” Once back at the prostitution brothel, Farrah calls Debra to let her know how awesome everything was and how they “loved” the beach. The best was how you could hear Debra on the other end saying, “The waves will pull you right down and kill ya!” And if it’s one thing that Debra knows about, it’s killing. Or at least attempted killing. Fine, aggravated assault.
Amber – I’m pissed at the police right now. I’m pissed because they put Amber (Ambuuuuh!) in jail and, therefore, we barely get to see her all episode. What a real shame. What an American shame. At least we get to hear Amber’s angelic voice via her voice-overs so at least we know she’s alive. Phew! We’re stuck with Gary filling us in on everything that is going on with Amber serving her 24 hours in jail by talking to his sexy-beast-of-a-woman mother. What a dish. I love how his mom is sticking to her guns and never brushing her hair or using any kind of product in it whatsoever. I mean, at this point I’d be ok with Leah taking a hot Shasta McNasty on her head and then his mom just rubbing it into some kind of a hair style. Ugh, the poors. Never able to own a brush. I blame Obama. I’m not sure why, I just do. Anyknottyhair, Gar Bear is close to tears (in his eyes and the seam of his pants) while telling his MILF that the court has issued a “no contact” order between Amber and him. He feels like now that they’re at the point where they’re getting along again, the “no contact” order is really making him miss Amber a lot. Uh oh, someone is craving a beating! Seriously, if I was his mom I would line up his clothes and his TV at the top of the stairs and then kick them and his fat ass down said steps and then say, “Still miss her?” At least Leah is taking it well and by “well” I mean secluded in the kitchen and eating a can of Pringles off the floor. Pick up a dust pan and brush while you’re down there, lazy.
I love how Amber and Gary have the same “no contact” order that Butch and April have with each other. Young love. So sweet. Evidently the court really tries to keep “the poors” away from each other. See, now that’s where me and the courts differ. I think you should keep violent “poors” together because it makes for really good television and, well, if someone gets killed in the process then it’s just the cost of doing business for reality television. You win some you lose some (obviously not in regards to weight). Gary’s mom leaves Gary with some words of wisdom which is, “Well, they say absence makes the heart grow fonder.” You totally know she read that on the middle of a popsicle stick. You just know it.
Legit, Amber and Gary are missing from about 35 minutes of this crapisode, but once we finally get to see Amber we’re not let down because we were right there when she was freed from jail. She’s like the Nelson Mandela of our generation. However, we weren’t the only ones who were there. You see, the local news crews were there as well. Amber serving 24 hours is big news for her town because, let’s face it, how many meth lab fires can you keep covering each week? 5? 46? It gets old. And you totally know that Amber thinks she’s an A-lister because of this. It looks like she was even trying to do that Martha Stewart “free from the slammer” walk on her way out. I’m surprised none of her cellmates knitted her a poncho. Odd.
Later, Amber finally gets to see Leah after her mom had to pick up Leah at Gary’s ski chalet and bring her back to Amber’s new house of chuckles. Amber tells her mom that spending a night in jail “sucked.” Really? Well it’s not supposed to tickle. Amber even says that while she knows she only spent 24 hours in jail it felt like “days” and she realized how much she appreciates everything she has in her life. Uh, self tanner and sexy-dance moves? I’m lost. The whole time Amber keeps telling her mom how much she needs her in her life and how she still needs a mother figure to help her out and provide her with some direction. After Amber’s whole speech, Amber’s mom just basically says “yup” and then they hug. Amber even admits to wanting to breaking their unhealthy cycle of behavior but I, well, I would actually like the opposite.
Catelynn – I love how we kick things off with Catelynn in school and the fact that Monte is back and is teaching a “nuclear energy” class. I mean, come on. I didn’t know Monte had it in him! Plus, these kids don’t know what nuclear means and they don’t have any energy so it’s basically a waste. They should have a class on how to bag groceries and how not to put the bread in the same bag as the eggs and tissue box. Oh, and these kids are in high school so there shouldn’t have been the alphabet and numbers as a border around the classroom but, alas, there it was. Explains so much.
All while Catelynn is in school, so is Tyler. He’s “big man on campus” at their local community college. He can’t believe that after 2 hours he’s done for the day and gets to go back to this mobile home and hang out with his friends. What luck! He should be visiting Butch in the halfway house just for us, but Tyler is selfish like that. He ends up looking up online some clubs in his area and at first I thought he meant actual clubs, like the Boy Scouts, but he’s actually talking about “da club.” Seriously, what? I don’t peg Tyler for someone who goes to “da club” but apparently this is really happening folks!
Catelynn gets home and we get to learn that mentally she’s kind of a mess because she’s legit crying and freaking out over Tyler wanting to go to “da club” and how she doesn’t want to go to “da club” because she doesn’t look like the rest of the girls who attend “da club.” No really, she’s freaking out over this. She’s even throwing it out there that she’s not 115 pounds anymore because she carried a baby for 9-months. I’m sorry, while I do love Catelynn, she had that baby almost 2 years ago. She hasn’t been eating for two for quiet a while so there’s no excuse why she can’t drop 20 pounds in 2 years. I mean, give April a 12 pack of Twisted Tea and a knife and have her chase you up and down the block if you have to. Hell, call Debra. She”ll try to kill ya if you need her to. She’ll chase ya real good!
How they’re still fighting about “da club” is beyond me. Now Catelynn is crying and saying that it will never work out for them because they’re two totally different people. So let me get this right, they might break up over “da club?” I kinda like it. They’re like the white-trashier version of Ronnie and Sam from Jersey Shore. If Tyler says “I’m gonna do me, you do you” and then flips Catelynn’s bed over I’m going to be pleased. However, they’re smarter than Ronnie and Sam because they’re going to take their fight about “da club” and go to counseling over it. I’m not joking. Catelynn actually said that they should see their counselor about this issue. Is she for real? This is terrible. They legit go see the counselor about “da club” and even the counselor (who is in basement) seems less than interested. Cate keeps talking about how she doesn’t feel pretty like the other girls at “da club” and how she feels overweight but she never mentions once her forehead, which I personally think just adds to the problem. But I’m not a basement counselor so what the hell do I know?
In the end, after talking about “da club” for an hour it’s finally time to go to “da club.” This should be good. I can’t wait to see what “the kids” are wearing to “da club” these days. Tyler is apparently dressed in Butch’s clothes for an interview and Catelynn decided to dress up like the real life Hello Kitty. This club must be awesome. I, of course, immediately suffered from secondhand embarrassment when I was forced to watch Catelynn and Tyler sexy-dancing with each other. Gross. Catelynn should turn around so that Tyler isn’t grinding with her ass but her “gentlemen greeter” instead. This way, it increases the chances of them having unprotected sex and having another baby that they get to keep. At least Cate had fun at “da club.” She should drink to loosen up. That works for me. I highly recommend it at any age. They should also send pictures of themselves “clubbing” to iCarly with a message that says, “We get to do this because you’re not here.”
Maci – So we meet again, Maci. Damn you. Why can’t there just be 3 teen moms in this series? Or perhaps let Jenelle and Barb in on the fun. At least punches get thrown on the regular with those two. Since Maci apparently makes good decisions, she’s decided to enroll back at Chat State which is either a school or the name of a 1997 AOL chatroom. A/S/L? Since Kyle doesn’t work he has more time to race his dirt bike so it only makes sense that he crashed it and broke his knee and now needs surgery. Don’t they take albino polar bears to the vet? Or zoo for that matter? Alas, Maci has to bring Kyle to the hospital for surgery and since they’re already on their way to the hospital it only makes sense that she lets Bint-Lee sit in the front seat the whole ride. This way, once he goes through the windshield he’ll just land at the emergency room front doors anyway. My favorite part, however, was when Maci went to get a coffee with her friend during the surgery and her friend wants to know if Kyle’s knee replacements means that he’s getting someone else’s knee. Why yes, why yes he is. It was touch and go for a while but finally they found a match on the National Knee Donors list and Kyle will, in fact, live. Bricks.
Once Kyle is back home Maci needs to take care of Kyle’s “bint-knee” and Bint-Lee all at the same time. Kyle is so tired, apparently, that he hasn’t been able to shave in days. Maci might as well let her ladybusiness grow out as well. Bint-Lee is throwing fit after fit after fit. He especially throws a fit when Maci needs to use the computer to…wait for it….Google her college’s name to find their website and figure out what assignment is due at 10pm that same night. Seriously, can’t she just pay me to give her an F? Hey-oh! Her assignment work doesn’t last long because Bint-Lee got some Lint-Lee in his eye and so Maci sprays saline directly in it to make him feel better. She should have yelled, “There’s your future…cloudy with a lot of tears!” Maci ends up locking herself in the bathroom to get some peace and quiet. Luckily she allowed the camera man in there with her. They probably ended that scene with golden showers and just had to edit it out.
Everything else, per usual, is a snooze. We learn that Ryan is no longer working (again) and gave up his job after what seems like 4 days. That’s nice. So he doesn’t work, Kyle doesn’t work, and Maci doesn’t work. Everyone should drop their custody claims and just lay low before the court puts Bint-Lee in an orphanage. Anytrash, in the end Maci ends up stopping at the salon to get…wait for it….wait for it…blond extension added to her head for a “new look.” It is stringy, greasy, and hay like…and I love it! As Paris Hilton would say when she got those same exact extensions circa 2002 “loves it” and “that’s hot!” Kill yourself. Kill me first though.
Episode Rating: 3 Broken Down Maci’s (Out of 4 Broken Down Maci’s)
Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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IBBB Said,
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-IBBB
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QueenofCorona Said,
Ty and Catelynn’s counselor looked like a roided out mom from Gilmore Girls (I work at home and have the tv on for background noise, don’t judge) and a little like a transsexual Andre the Giant pre-op. Good luck with that life, Ty guy. I can’t believe she lost her shit over him wanting to go to an 18+ “club”.
I’m glad Maci thinks she needs another baby. She about had a break down taking care of Bint and Humpty Dumpty. Did she sell her man-catching Dodge Charger for a Saturn to pay for her new Barbie hair? Could the stylist not have thrown down some bleach on her roots to have her hair not be black and white (it don’t matter if yo black or white) maybe she’s just paying respect to the late MJ with her new ‘do.
Someone tell Amber’s mom it’s not 2001 anymore and do her a favor and stab and deflate that tired poufy vest/jacket combo she’s been rocking in every episode.
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Anonymous Said,
I’m surprised you didn’t mention the paparazzi guy who ate shit while trying to film Amber being released from jail.
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39 & Not Pregnant Said,
Yes! My hubby and I (yes he’s a closet watcher) died laughing when the photog fell on his face in that scene. It was awesome. I thought you might have screen shot it.
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rikcrik Said,
The club fight/counselor/club scene was tampered with. During the fight Ty has short hair, at the counselor long, mohawky hair and at the club, short hair again. When did this counselor session really take place?
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Jenny Said,
Why the hell was Farrah picking up the dog by its neck? She should be ashamed to admit on TV that she decided having a dog was too much work so she’s getting rid of it. I guess the dog will be better off. She is a cold bitch.
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MBK Said,
I shudder every time Farrah calls her dad “Michael.” I’m in my late 30’s and I would still duck after calling my dad by his first name.
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Laurie Said,
Patrick, did you notice the puffy leather couch at Gary’s MILF’s house?
Farrah is such a bitch. After Sophia is deathly afraid of the beach, Farrah says she can’t wait to move to the beach. She said that 2 seconds later. Sigh.
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Vuuuhhhginya Said,
I had to rewind the scene where they took Bint-lee out of the front seat just to be sure Maci made such a terrible decision. It was snowing outside, also, so their chance of getting into a car accident was even higher. Then Farrah holding Sophia in her lap for the car ride to her slum bag ho-tel, mo-tel, Holiday Eeeeen? What is up with these girls? So stupid!!!!
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Shannon Said,
I think the dog is in a better place….I mean can u imagine if she treated the dog the way she treats Sophia? Poor kid. Maci and Bentley…here is an interesting twist…for once we get to see that Miss Maci is not really Mother of the Year material after all. Letting her son ride in the front seat…nope not a great decision. leaving one douche who does not work for another who still does not work…again not a great decision. Think she should have let Kyle ride on the roof of the car. Cate and Ty….hmmm…must be nice to go out to the club and have fun….really glad they gave carly up for adoption if this is how they plan on living…too much fighting over something dumb…maybe Cate should have just stayed home and Ty can go out and get another girl preggers and then we could have a really interesting Teen Mom when he appears with both girls he got pregnant. That would peek ratings I am pretty sure..kind of a springer meets Teen Mom.
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dacabsarehere Said,
I suck and missed this episode. Thank you for proving to me that I didn’t miss shit. So Tyler and Catelyn are back the shrinks, huh? I’d much prefer to see a “shrink” session with April and Butch. They would be fighting over who ashed in the Twisted Tea bottle or who snorted the last of the booger sugar stash. Not this lame “club” stuff. Now Cate knows how Ana Mae feels …
I can’t wait to see if you’re joking about poor little Leah eating pringles off the floor or whether that actually happened? Why is it everytime Gary is watching her we get a random scene of her trying to eat dirt/condoms or her hair? Amber gets in trouble for whacking fatty in front of Leah but its OK for Leah to be filmed half-nekkid and rummaging for food like a rat in a dumpster? I want to punch Gary down a flight of stairs everytime I see his gloppy-ness on my TV …. sheesh!
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K Said,
I giggled (a lot) when I seen that one of pops ate cement. I too am surprised it wasnt mentioned. Amber looked as if she was hot shit walking out of jail. It must be the cool thing to do these days.
Farrah is a crazy bitch. Debrah is nuts so I cant really blame her. Sophia doesnt have a chance!
Maci is lazy lazy lazy! I was in school with two kids. I loved how Ryan told her she has never worked a day in her life.
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Yawny Said,
The best part of this whole crapisode was Ty’s pimp daddy caddy
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Joanna Said,
A few notes:
First off, I loved how Amber insisted on pronouncing jail like “gel” every.single.time. this episode.
Also, why do they NEVER show any other rooms in Gary’s chalet? No bedroom, bathroom (Leah’s potty is smack dab in the middle of the living room). It’s weird.
Maci may be boring but Bentley is the cutest kid on any of the Teen Mom/16 & Preg shows, plus the only one who can speak in whole sentences, so I like her segments. Although I did find it odd that she told Kyle she was behind in her public speaking class and she actually is available for public speaking engagements (for real, you can hire her!). Not a great endorsement.
And Caitlyn and Tyler……sigh. Get these losers off the show already! It’s obvious they are desperate for story lines with these two…..counseling for clubbing? Please.
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Bitch Jungle Said,
maci went to school in some PINK pajama pants and left the same day in jeans… as well came in a black car and left in a silver one… loved Kyle’s mom’s trailer…
I can’t believe Farrah just decided that she didn’t want that dog. What a fucking trash bag. At least the dog seemed very excited to see Jean.
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Bitch Jungle Said,
i thought i wanted the original teen moms back but as this season goes on i am just longing for Barb.
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SZ Said,
A few things:
“Gar Bear is close to tears (in his eyes and the seam of his pants)” – homonyms FTW!!
Is Gary’s mom pulling double duty with one wonky eye AND two different color eyes? Or are her coke bottle 1984 glasses deceiving me?
I see the resemblence in Amber’s terrible tummy tattoo of Leah and her mom. Maybe we judged the tattoo too harshly.
Nice that Bentley was drinking straight up Red #40 sugar water in the front seat of the car during a snow storm on film. WTF?
Where is our friend Maryland? I bet he likes da clubs.
Lastly, I hate Farrah.
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Kiera Said,
Even the coffee shop that Maci hung out at had puffy leather couches. Is that a mid-west poor thing?
I think the dog is also in a better place, being locked up in a parakeet cage for 23.5 hours a day in a diaper couldn’t have been that great of a life to begin with.
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Kiera Said,
I’m sort of unsure as to why Ty and Cate are still on this show. Yeah Cate popped out a child…2 years ago. But they aren’t raising her, they have little to no contact with her and Butch and April are not being filmed….so WTF is left? Nearly breaking up over ‘da-club’? Give me a break. Bring back Barb and her tramp daught-ah Jenelle.
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Laurie Said,
I am sure ‘going clubbing’ in MI tops my list of exciting things to do. If I were Catelyn, I would have been like, “Have a good time!”
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Icka Said,
Leah must have gotten a kick out of the Adominable Snowman making an appearance for Christmas. Oh wait, that was just Gary’s mom.
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LisaP Said,
just like jersey shore, the “fame/money” mtv has brought to these trashheaps, is overshadowing the show. NONE of them act like “teen moms” anymore. i mean who flies all over the country looking for somewhere to live. and maci – she’s the WORST – when she was pregnant, she seemed like she actually wanted a future. now she’s a lazy, whiny mess. they should change the cast every season before the perks set in.
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Tara Said,
im a hair stylist, and gary’s moms hair KILLS me…all their hair does, but hers the WORST. what u said abt it as a guy just made my LIFE. and sadly, prob my career.
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Yawny Said,
I thought Evil Kenevil’s albino brother looked much better with a raggedy beard. It hid most of his face.
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katie Said,
catelynn was CLEARLY on the rag for this crapisode.
i miss barbara.
maci: “i’m giving him away, do you want a toddler?”
——-last week you wanted another child. obviously you are irrational as hell
farrah: “i’m giving the dog away, its a sanitation issue”
——-i’m surprised you didn’t use that same logic with baby goo. judging from her nickname, i’m not sure you fully understand what a sanitation issue truly is.
I MISS BARBARA
anyone else notice gar’s pinky rings? gangster.
that reporter that fell!!!!!!!! its like his body realized who the hell he was chasing just quit working on him in objection. i can’t stop laughing.
i love that tyler and catelynn are really living in a trailer park. i hate that we had to watch them dance. blech. but now i’m thinking about a “sexy dance remix” starring amber and catelynn.
maci, a little less $ on your hair, a little more $ at the dermatologist.
barbara, i can’t wait for all the joy you bring into my life to start again. -
KittyKat Said,
I can’t believe you didn’t comment about Maci putting a sock on Ky’s foot. Let’s hope she’s that talented with other sock like objects so we don’t have albino polar bears with horrible acne running around.
Could Gary’s mom BE any hotter?! I mean…it’s too much to handle.
I can’t believe Farrah not only left Sophia all alone in the car but left her in the very puffy coat. These girls have no idea how to keep their children safe whilst in a moving vehicle.
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KittyKat Said,
Also, I love Jean the dog lady. She needs to have a guest spot on the show.
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Tee Said,
Anyone else wonder why Kyle was Maci’s responsibility? They aren’t married. Kyle’s mom was watching Bentley so that Maci could care for Kyle…wtf? If Kyle’s mom had cared for her own son, Bentley would have had attention and therefore not been having meltdowns, and Maci could have tended to him and then gotten him to bed so she could write that paper by 10 and get sleep. I do love how Maci tells Ryan off next week though. If he isn’t going to watch his son when he has him and stay home, he SHOULDN’T have him!
I actually like Farrah though I admit she can be a bitch, but if you noticed it’s mostly to her parents. That doesn’t make it right, but I think moving will actually improve her relationship with them. She needs to be and feel independent, and they, especially her mom, needs to talk to her like an adult, and now downtalk her in that soft voice as if she’s talking to a child. I would be snotty, too.
Amber puts on a show for the cameras, and it’s really obvious. She definitley thought she was the shit coming out of jail. I’m really surprised MTV didn’t find a way to edit out the paparazzi. They like to act as though these girls have no money when in fact they have 100’s of thousands by now. Money + fame = pointless show. It’s no longer showing real life.
Catelyn…I understand where she is coming from freaking out over the club, but as someone said if she isn’t happy with herself she needs to do something about it. Lose some weight and get some bangs and she wouldn’t look bad at all. I do have to say though- losing weight is much harder than people who don’t have to lose weight think. I used to wonder why people let themselves get fat when I was a little 90lb teen before having my child, and now I can’t lose the last 10 lbs to get back to where I was. Time and energy play a big factor. Now I understand that it is in fact, hard to lose weight. Depression over the fact that you are fat enough to need to lose that weight factors in, too. It’s not always easy to stop that depression from getting you down, and turn it into motivation to do better.
I agree with whoever said that one of these baby daddys (or mommies) should have another kid for viewers sakes. God knows it would ruin any of their lives right now, but it would make for entertainment. And it happens often in the real world- parents split up and guy has another kid with another girl, (or girl does with another guy), and none of them have had to deal with incorporating a half sibling into things or anything either. Maybe next season? lol
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KittyKat Said,
Oh lord. I just rewatched the photog lick some concrete and I am dying. Legit tears streaming down my face from laughing so hard. I love rewatching after reading your blog (and the comments).
I have a sad life. lol
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Tee Said,
Oh yeah, and I love how Farrah had Sophia in her lap in the cab, but clearly had a carseat for her when she was looking at homes. It does not take that long to strap a carseat into a car. Even if it is legal to have her ride on her lap, if that was me I would be strapping in a carseat, – she was only getting a ride to the hotel from what I remember.
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Anonymous Said,
“There’s your future…cloudy with a lot of tears!” ajhdfkshd I DIED
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Ky's Beard Said,
I too thought the beard actually made him look a bit more human-like. Somehow it stretched out is his face.
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Carp Said,
Am I the only one that is going to mention the “paparazzi” guy who totally ate shit on the pavement when Amber gets out of the klink?! Snot practically flew out of my nose. I felt like they showed that just for you.
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Wednesdaystreat Said,
All I could think of when Debra is telling Farrah how she wants her to leave and go to college, but she’ll keep the baby?? was, “HOW ABOUT ADOPTION TWO YEARS AGO THEN??” And by the way, we don’t want to see the aftermath either. Ty and Cate, please be done!
The reckless decisions they all make are truly scary.
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Ambers Ace Ventura Face Said,
Did anyone else hear Sophia say “God mom!!” when Farrah was trying to get the car seat in for the realtor?
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Miss W Said,
OH you may hate blogging about Maci, but that last section was laugh out loud hilarious. I read it twice. The “don’t they take albino polar bears to the vet” line is the funniest thing you’ve said all season! And by the way, I HATED Maci’s extensions!
I too, was embarrassed by “da club” scenes. They thought that was fun??? Wow, clubbing was way more fun in the late 90’s!! -
redredred Said,
So in the preview for next week Maci is yelling at Ryan that if he doesn’t stay home when he has Bentley then he won’t get to have him? She’s mad if Ryan goes out and leaves Bentley with his parents? Is that right? But its ok for her to go out and leave Bentley with her albino care bear pug boyfriend? How is the albino care bear pug boyfriend ok but Ryan’s parents (aka Bentley’s grandparents) are not?
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Lola Said,
ROTFLMAO!!!! Maci’s friend is so stupid that she actually thought Kyle was is getting someone else’s knee!!!!! Maci needs to quit worrying about Ryan and get her crap together! And Kyle needs to get a job!! Who is supporting them? But, personally, I think it’s still there between Maci & Ryan, their both just fighting it.
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YouAreTheFather Said,
Glad the doctors were able to put Humpty Dumpty’s knee back together again!
Bint-Lee – go find your paci! Seriously, the kid is like 2 and a half and talking when this episode was filmed. IT’S TIME.
Miss Gulch gave her dog away – “I’ll get you my pretty…and your little dog, too!” Bet she can’t wait to move to Ft. Lauderdale – where she probably thinks every day will be Spring Break!
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Lisa Said,
why could neither amber nor her mother take leah’s coat, mittens and scarf off? she was indoors. actually, their coat/vest was on too, maybe ambuh spent the heat money on that horrible full-body tattoo.
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Rachel Said,
“ Her assignment work doesn’t last long because Bint-Lee got some Lint-Lee in his eye..”. Made me LOL
Ambuhhh’s mom has done way too many drugs, cause I can hardly understand what she says.. She needs subtitles at all times.
Catelynn, I think you’re safe cause most girls probably won’t go for a guy who had a kid with his stepsister. They act like an old married couple. And I wish they would learn to solve their own problems, because going to counseling over “da club” is just stupid.
Farrah pissed me off treating that dog like that.. News flash, Elvira Gulch: dogs don’t wear diapers! And stop calling your dad by his first name!! Debra lacks the full spectrum of human emotion.
Maci.. Blegh.
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SuzieQ Said,
I haven’t watched it yet but it sounds like a lot of CPS calls.
MBK- I call my father by his first name and have since I could remember. His mother and father named him that so its only right I call him by his proper name. Plus with a name like Bob why would you chose dad.
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Leasha Said,
First off, i hyperventilated while laughing so hard at Kyle’s bent-knee and the lint-lee in bint-lee’s eye.. total knee slappers! (see what i did thar??)
Secondly, i thought for sure you would have mentioned the fat paparazzi who accidentally tuck-and-rolled trying to get Amber’s post-”gel” mug on camera AND the fact that Maci is failing her public speaking class even though she gets paid to do it. Seriously, every time i watch something funny/stupid/trashy go down on Teen Mom, i laugh even harder thinking, “i KNOW Patrick’s gonna mention this!”
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Betsy Said,
Catelynn needs to give Gary’s mom her ‘club’ outfit back. Where did she get that get up? Casual Corner?
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Square Hair Said,
I know a lot of you mentioned Bint-lee sitting in the front seat. Kyle needed the whole back seat to stretch out! I know how that is…had to do it before!! But then again they could have planned another way to do it (like use someone else’s bigger vehicle)
Icka – trip me outttt on your comment!
I also agree Kyle’s beard made him look a little better! He shouldn’t have shaved!!
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Jenna Said,
Kyle’s beard made him kinda hot in a lumberjack way. I wish he would have kept it. Farrah is setting a terrible example for Sophia by getting rid of the dog. She is teaching her that pets are disposable. It’s people like that that cause shelters to be over run. I’ll get off that soap box now. I think a no contact order should be in place- not for ambuuuh and gar-bear, but between Cate and Ty and America! I am so over her whiny insecurity. Ty seems like a decent guy, but Cate gets on my nerves. And Sophia is almost as bad as Bint-Lee with the paci. Kids should lose paci rights around 18 month, tops, in my opinion.
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alisa Said,
I love the Louise Woodward reference! I was instantly transported to the fall of 1997 and now I am wondering again why no one took a decent picture of Matty Eappen….
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Penelope Said,
Poor Catelynn. Tyler is already nine toes out of that codependent mess they call a relationship. Him being at college will be the end of it. I feel bad for her, but their dynamic makes me cringe. The more she sticks to him, the more he pulls away. It’s been particularly obvious this season. Tyler freaked out over moving in with her, after all. I remember that when my then-boyfriend now-husband and I got our first place together, it was a *joyous* event. Tyler looked (looks) like a convicted man headed toward the gallows.
Maci’s extensions look like ass. What did Bint-lee do while she was having them put in with the hot glue gun (or however The Kids Today put in those ghastly things)? Kie should always keep the facial hair. He looks much better with it. Maci should have spent the cash she wasted on those nylon spaghetti strands and used it to get some Proactiv. Or see a dermatologist. Or hell, even get a professional facial. Anything. Girl’s nickname should be Rocky Road. Did I mention that Bint-lee is the damn cutest kid I have seen in a long time? What a doll baby. Rhine…get your ass employed. Yes, it will matter if you take Maci to court for custody. Trust me.
I watch this miserable show simply because I want to be able to reference it in my mind as I read your hilarious recaps. Thanks a zillion trillion for the laughs.
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Mmmmmmmmmmmurdith Said,
I’m in shock over the kids not being in the car seats.
The counselor looks like she’s ready to kill Cate and Ty. WWE style.
Poory baby Goo. She’s in for it. They actually do move to Florida. I bet Farrah takes Sophia to the beach every day. And on the way she lets her ride in the front seat. And once she gets there she gives her back her pacifier. And then beats her.
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Brooke Said,
Bitch Jungle – I totally noticed Maci’s different outfits too. I love shoddy editing!
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KittyKat Said,
@Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmuridith- LOL to the counselor throwing down WWE style. So spot on. She looks like one of the old wrestlers…when I find out which, I’ll share. But so spot on.
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Lisa Said,
Bentley is the cutest kid. when he was planking on the floor next to his train set because he didn’t want to go eat dinner was the cutest thing ever.
that whole ‘da club’ scene made me cringe.
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linzee Said,
When I re-watched I think Bint-lee was in a car seat in the front seat. It even had a cup holder LOL… albeit in the front seat but at least he was in one.
Farrah holding her kid on her lap is just plain stupid…like her.
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teen momager Said,
Bently is only cute now because he’s a toddler, those buck teeth and deformed jaw due to using a binky for 17 years won’t be so cute. Hope maci is saving some cash for the orthodontist.
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Renee Said,
OMG IBBB you’ll be sad to hear the Butch and April just got officially divorced. What a sad day
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Wednesdaystreat Said,
Other comments made me remember some other points–
1. Farrah deciding the dog was “too much work” is soooo like every single one of these girls. They never follow through with ANYTHING. Guess that’s ’cause they are teenagers, but all the more reason to wait til you’re older to have a baby, ’cause, yeah, it’s too much work too.
2. The train/dinner scene with Bintlee. Funny how he threw is tantrum and then didn’t actually have to sit and eat dinner with the fam–probably how they treated Rhine too–which is why to this day he’s SPOILED ROTTEN!
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lav Said,
Just read online that butch and april are getting divorced!!!! Nooooooo!!
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Madeline G. Said,
Has anyone noticed that Farrah wears something that says “New York” on it during every episode. I am suprised she is not racing to move there instead!
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ang Said,
farrah definately sucks..but its bizzare to me how she treats everyone on earth like shit, but never gets frustrated with sophia. so i guess thats a good thing…the only good thing she has going for her
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ang Said,
and to the people talking abotu farrah calling her dad michael…me and my brother used to call my dad rock ( hisname was rocco) bc it started out from when my brother was a baby and hed hear my mom calling him that so he mimiced her and then it jus stuck…and then i was brought into it…it wasnt a sign of disrespect at all, and it never botheredh im
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Jules Said,
So I’m reading above that April and Butch are divorced. Although they make good tv, I’m hoping that maybe this wiill encourage Tyler to break up with Catelynn and have a real life. I think he partly stayed with her to avoid ackward family dinners.
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SimplySarah Said,
My comment has been awaiting moderation
I think cause I posted a link about the divorce. Anyhow, I read Darl’s middle name is Lynn. Darl Lynn. I am so serious right now. -
Square Hair Said,
I am just now rewatching this episode and I noticed Bint-Lee’s pinky finger stuck in the air while sippin’ on his juice in the car…and I am enjoying it wayyyy more AFTER I read this recap than when I watched it last week because I can pick out everything you’re talking about!!
