Mar
23

Teen Mom 2 Recap: Bustin’ Balls on Minimum Wage With Your Discover Card

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Jenelle - Trouble in paradise already? The Lucy and Ricky of our generation are already starting to get into some serious fights because of all the pressure that they’re under. No, I’m not talking about the fact that they are basically homeless, stole credit cards, or look like trash box’s on national television, I’m talking about fights over not getting into the right lane on the highway and going the wrong way. Well at least they have their priorities in order. Also, with Kieffah’s new haircut he’s like the new Jan Brady! Thank God he doesn’t have glasses on right now because glasses will make him look positively goofy and Dougie Goodwin will never ask him to the Fall Harvest dance! Seriously, what in the holy crystal meth am I talking about?

Jenelle needs to head out to vent about her problems so she goes to her friend Amber’s “house” because that makes the most sense right about now. Seriously, if Amber could just get a liquor license I swear to Santa Christ she could turn her “house” into one of those campy white-trash themed bars in about 42 minutes. I mean, not only does she have a broken down ramp to get to her front door, but she also has glass dolphins hanging from the ceiling…meaning that she had to get the idea, get string, measure, cut, tie, and tack these magical dolphins to the ceiling because she thought, “Yeah this place needs more chachkies…especially hanging from the ceiling.” Score. Anyheap, Jenelle is basically blaming Blessed Mother Barb Evans for her not having any money, Internet for school work, or her son. Yeah, that’s all Barb’s fault. I mean, it is a little but lay off Barb. She’s good people.

What an absolute treat when Jenelle stops by the house for coffee and pastries with her beloved mother verbal smack downs and slurred insults with Barb. If I were Vicki “All Things” Gunvalson I’d be shouting out a “Woo Hoo!” right about now. Personally I’m upset that Barb isn’t wearing her dutiful blue shirt, but I’m more upset that the editors of this show can’t automatically make her white shirt easily blue. Oh, and here’s reason #762 (of this week) on why me gusta “el Barb.” When Jenelle walks in, Barb just slurs “We gotta talk ’bout this credit caaaahd mess. So, errr, (insert more moans and slurs) ahhh you gonna tell me ’bout it?” Someone cue Gunvalson and cue her quick. And while the fight ensues we learn (although I’m sure we all already had a bit of a hunch) that Barb, well, Barn “ain’t so good” with “the numbers.” Apparently she thinks that Jenelle owes over $700, but Jenelle is clearly pointing out that it’s only $400. I’d spend more time trying to figure this one out, but then Barb drops the fact that she “Didn’t chaaaage nuthin’ on my damn Discovaaah caaaahd, Jenelle.” I don’t know why I laughed out loud when she stated that she had a Discover card, but I did. Oh Barb, national treasure.

As if things couldn’t get any better for me right now, Barb continues her verbal assault and says the following that I would please like to have set as my alarm clock every morning…for the rest of my life…and even bring to Heaven (or most likely hell) if at all possible:

…and then you go and you think and that think you can pay for yaw boyfriend cuz he’s HUNgry?
…and when you and Kieffaaah are havin’ a la-de-da time, I’m bustin my balls tryin’ to God damn survive!
…I’m makin’ barely more than minimum wage (sniff)
…yaw payin’ me in one lump sum unless…alright…well we’re goin’ ta court.
I don’t wanna hear this, CUZ YOU KNOW WHAT? You haven’t been around since this baby’s been baaawn.
…that baby woulda been in your caaah on the way to New Jersey!

I mean where do we even go with any of this gold? The pawn shop? Never. I would never sell these gems. First off, when Barb mentioned about paying for Keiffah because he’s hungry I couldn’t get “What Would You Do? by City High out of my head. Second, “La de Da” time? Absolute brilliance. Don’t change a thing. Ever. And “making minimum wage?” The only thing that may have made that better was if she said, “I’m slicing a quartaah pound of Land-o-Lakes American cheese sliced thin for the patrons at Walmart every friggin’ day! I’d love to brainstorm with Barb before next season. Fingers crossed.

While things look like they might be looking up for Jenelle after she gets the financial aid office to send her the check again, things take another turn for the worse when she gets fired from her part-time waitressing job for not showing up for two days and not answering the calls from her boss. We learn that she gets fired when she calls her job…from standing outside in front of the restaurant but basically hiding in the bushes and her boss calls her “young lady” and wishes her good luck and hopes she treats the next place she goes to with more respect. The next place meaning, like, hell? Also, young lady? I would like it if people only referred to Barb as young lady and not Jenelle. At first I was thinking what a screw up Jenelle was for getting fired, but then I remembered she had Teen Mom 2 money coming any day now and I’ve seen her on the cover of countless magazines so joke. is. on. me.

Next up, since Kieffah pretty much flew the coop Jenelle has no where to stay so she’s sleeping in her car at the beach…with a camera crew and boom mic operator with her. Awkward. What if she has to fart? They must know. Anyway, while all this is going on Barb trucks it over to her lawyer, with whom she embraces when she sees him. I’m sure she wanted to give him a quick 1, 2, 3 dry hump if she could. And, she could, because she’s Barb and she can do anything she wants! Basically Barb learns that she either has to press charges against Jenelle, which means she’ll have a tough time ever getting a job again, or just suck it up and pay her Discovaaah caaaahd. Just when I thought Barb was fully understanding she just goes, “Oh well maybe I can get some court ordered counseling.” Um, sure? Great.

And here’s why I truly do love me some Barb-o-Matic. Even though her little b*tch of a daughtaaah is a mess and stole from her, when she finds out that she’s sleeping in her car she invites her to come back home. Good old Barb. Half the time I think they’re both in on this big scheme to make good television and, well, it’s working and it’s smart and I applaud them and I envy them and I am amused by them and I love them and I want to go to North Carolina to play flip cup with them. These are all things I feel.

In the end, Jenelle does go back to Barb Manor and Barb fills in Jenelle that she needs to call the credit card company and try to cut a deal with them so she doesn’t face “jail time.” Barb also thinks that Jenelle needs to grow up before she ends up living a life of crime. Oh, we’ll get to that next week.

Chelsea – Seriously Chelsea’s scenes (all of them) have turned into a mix of Chinese water torture and water-boarding to me. I’d rather try to teach a fingerless person how to finger paint than watch and/or write about this. But alas, I’ll try to throw something together. Chelsea has her friend over who, once again, looks just like her except that she’s more horse-like which makes me want to brush her mane. We learn that Social Services has sent Chelsea a letter informing her that Adam owes over $2,000 in child support. Ruh-roh! Looks like Adam is going to have to sell some of his cut-off t-shirts in order to pay this bill.

Later while out having lunch with, you guessed it, her dad (Randilicious) Chelsea is sporting a pink hat that’s the perfect mix between Audrina’s beret and Meg Griffin’s permanent knit cap. These are a few of my favorite things. Chelsea and her dad are having a whine-fest over the fact that Chelsea still can’t manage to get her GED (at this point I’m sure Amber is out-pacing her) because she claims that the baby is too distracting to her. That’s nice. Blame the baby. I’m sure she’ll love to hear that soundbite played back to her on a loop when she’s in a lifetime of therapy over the fact they her stepdad also happens to be her Grandpa. Anyway, how about the TV show that Chelsea’s filming? Couldn’t that be distracting? What about the constant fighting with stick-figure Adam? Any distraction there? Yeah, I thought so. Stop blaming your kid and start blaming your tan.

Since Chelsea really needs to buckle down and get ready for her GED she decides to spend some time studying…at a Starbucks…with her baby. Shocker, she couldn’t study. Que Suerte! Next thing you know Adam ends up calling her because he wants to see the baby the next day. However, Chelsea won’t let that happen because she already has scheduled plans for the following day. Duh! It’s a Saturday, of course she has plans. It’s called GTL. Except she’ll probably replace the “G” with an “M.” And of course “M” stands for “McFlurry” at this point.

Next up Chelsea has her friends over so that they can all stalk Adam on Facebook to see what he’s been up to because, you know, a scheduled event and camera crew are both needed for this activity. They find out that Adam already has a new girlfriend and he’s living with her. Her one friend claims that Adam’s new girlfriend looks like a mix between a bulldog and a mouse. Yeah, this is coming from a girl who looks like a mix between Ricki Lake and Snooki.

So now they’re just filming at Adam’s girlfriends place? That’s awkward, no? And, I must admit, she kind of does look like a mix between a bulldog and a mouse. I take back my cheap shot to Chelsea’s friend. I mean, I’m not deleting it, but I take it back (from the universe). The best thing that came out of this pointless scene is that Adam claims that with all the child support he’ll owe until Aubree is 18 it’s going to total $52K. Oh, boo-hoo for Adam. By the time Aubree is 18 her first year of college alone with be $52K, so relax there buddy. We also learn that Adam has applied for a job…at Walmart! Awesome! I pray to Jesus Claus that this Walmart is for some reason in North Carolina and that Barb is his boss in the deli.

In the end, Chelsea calls Adam one more time with her dad and her friends present to ask him about child support again. He ends up, to no surprise, being a complete douche over the phone and Chelsea’s dad doesn’t rip the phone out of Chelsea’s hand and tell Adam that he’s going to sit on him. Go figure. More importantly, what the F is Aubree drinking out of her bottle this time? I know before it looked like apple juice (or hot piss), but this time there is orange in her bottle. Fluorescent orange. Like, Fanta. Eh, what do I care. Sugar it up! Blonk!

Kailyn – Somehow with everything that is going on with the breakup and move-out with Jo, Kail and her mom have become the Laverene and Shirley of our generation. Suzi ends up showing up at the coffee shop to meet with Kail looking like a polka-dot princess that just knocked over a 7-11 next door and is hoping no one at the coffee shop can identify her. Here’s the thing, she tells Kail that she should file for joint custody to make sure she has it legally in writing and then, well, then she calls her daughter by her first name? I legit hit rewind 6 times (no joke) and I’m pretty sure she called her “Kai Lan” Like “Ni Hao, Kai Lan.” I was like, figures Suzi’s so strung out on meth that she thinks she’s figgin Japanimation at this point. I kinda hoped that Kai Lan would call her mom “Ming Lee.” Then they could get a spin-off called something like “Kai Lan and Ming Lee’s $5 Dollar Sucky Sucky.” Oh I don’t know. I’m just spit-ballin’ at this point.

The remainder to this crapisode has to do with Kail figuring out how to file joint custody and she ends up calling to find out exactly how to do this. The lady on the phone is giving her all of her options in a clear and concise order, but you know the notebook that Kail is taking copious notes in is blank. It’s probably because Isaac is busy playing with a plastic bag on the bed. Good thing those are safe. She should let him play with the cord on the mini-blinds while she’s at it too. I mean, really up the anti. Oh, and did Chelsea give Kail those leopard sheets for her bed? Are leopard sheets the new “puffy leather couches?” Are “the poors” taking over?

All the other typical things happen during Kail’s scenes that we’re use to seeing. She fails her chemistry test by getting a whopping 5 out of 11 (do they still give tests out of “11” in college?) and later she’s having another awkward lunch with her new “college friends,” Dumpy and Droopy Drawers, so she can fill them in on, you guessed it, the buzzword of the day which is “joint custody.” Drink!

After Kail drops her chemistry class she heads off to the City Hall to officially file her paperwork for joint custody and Suzi busts in with her to help her pay the $145 fee since Kail doesn’t have any money since she’s spent all of it on brushes so she can make sure all of her side pony-tail falls down her left shoulder at all times. Was it just me or did it seem like Suzi was shaking when she was giving away the rest of her money to pay for this? She’s going to have to up her $5 dollar sucky sucky to at least $8 dollars if she’s going to be able to pay her rent this month. Also are both Kail and Suzi 6’8” with extra long alien-like fingers or is it just me?

Leah – “Hey y’all it’s me, Leah, and I’m reading from a script right now and having to sound out a lot of words. It’s tough!” I think I’m ready for this season to be over, I’m afraid to say. It has been about 20 episodes, right? Don’t get me wrong I’m not complaining, but I’m a little tired to having to sit and listen to Leah and Corey bickering about getting married and another episode filled with depressing doctors appointments. If I wanted to be bummed out by medical issues I’d turn on the Discovery Channel and watch people spontaneously combust. Anyway, during their 100^th conversation about getting married, Corey is sucking up snot like Leah’s mom sucking up that list dime sized amount of mousse from the Suave can. They finally decide to get married and I think that’s a great idea as I’m pumped to blog this wedding. Oh, also does Leah have that problem that Whitney Port had where she placed “K’s” at the end of her words where “G’s belong? Example: Marriage is scary and, like, that’s my whole thinK”

What a real let down the cake scene was. I mean, they’re actually having a camouflage themed wedding (called “camo” as the kids say) and so, therefore, they’re interested in getting a camo cake. Why? I mean, if everything is going to be camo I should be allowed to shoot rifles into the wedding and then claim I couldn’t see anyone. Anyway, there should have been another 5 minutes of the cake scene, but they cut it short in about 60 seconds. Boooo to that. Plus, the cake that they taste-tested looks like the kind they give you a McDonald’s if you have a birthday there…so I’ve heard.

After a pointless day of ice-skating with Corey’s smelly hat, Leah and her mom head out to Kentucky so they can get a second opinion on the possible medical issues with Ali. They, of course, end up staying at some flea-bag motel (which is awesome) and then we get to watch them straighten each others hair. At first I was like, “YES!” but then I was immediately disappointed because I realized how much better it would have been if we got to see them do crunchy wet curls to each other. Plus, I’d love to see her mom fry her bangs and then do wet curls. Hopefully for the wedding? Not likely. What a world (insert sad face here).

So the remainder of this episode is basically filmed at the hospital and is depressing as all hell. At least the doctors at this place aren’t douches and they seem to know what they’re doing. The good news is that they really don’t find anything physically wrong with the baby, but the bad news is that she’s going to need to see a geneticist. I don’t mean that’s the bad news, I just mean that the bad part is now having to listen to Leah try to pronounce “geneticist” on the regular.

In the end, Corey and crew are out getting fitted for their tuxedos and, to no disappointment; they’re all getting matching camo vests. Terrific. They should totally have a deer pull the flower girl up the aisle in a wagon and then shoot the deer once it makes it to the alter. Oh, and Leah’s step-dad was there too and, well, he looks exactly like Leah’s mom. I mean, I don’t want to insinuate that her husband is her brother but let’s just say if he had hair it would be crunchy and wet.

Episode Rating: 4 out of 4 Barb’s Busting Her Balls

51 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

alwayssunny Said,
loooove the barb ball busting rating.

can we discuss that while talking to her “friend” about custody, kail was dressed like a trailer park snooki? she had a greasy poof and a purple lace shirt on and her usual terrible skin. maybe her and her mother can get a kardashian style spin-off called kate gosselin and snooki take daytona or something.

also, is it impossible for these girls to say thank you? kail didn’t say thanks to jo’s brother when she dropped off isaac for him to watch. jenelle didn’t say thank you when her mom told her to come stay at the house again. these people are doing nice things for you, say thank you! it bugs me.

adam’s new girlfriend is a sucker. and she looked better with her face blurred.
Kortney Said,
Is it a sign I have no life when I look forward to reading this every Wednesday morning?? I love reading your blog more than I do watching the show!! I recently got my husband hooked on watching TM and we love to sit and make fun of it every Tuesday night. We both love Barb….
Kiera Said,
‘Virginia is for Lovers’ …West Virginia is for whatever you got going on with your sister.
LIsaP Said,
i loved how jenelle walked into barb’s house right past jace without even looking down at him. i think she might have even kneed him a little. she’s the best. “i just want to see my son…booooooohooooo.” yeah, right. trashbag – what a PERFECT description. this blog is perfect.
MK Said,
While I didn’t notice AubBREE’s (I loathe that spelling) bottle, I did notice that Jace had what looked like Coca-cola in his. So that’s awesome.

Also, I still cannot get past the fact that Chelsea and Farrah sound exactly alike. I just can’t figure out which one I want to ship off to their own island more.
Joanna Said,
I have dreams in which I chase after Kail with scissors and slice her over-the-shoulder mane right off. Bliss…..

Also, did anyone else notice when Chelsea pulled a stained yellow bottle out of the dishwasher and said “I washed this but it’s still yellow, it’s still good right?” and then handed it to Aubree. Uh, safe?………
1981 Said,
It totally did look like Fanta lmao! but i think it was that V8 Fusion in the bottle. But non-the-less do they not have sippy cups?

I wonder if MTV was pushing Leah and Corey to have this wedding. I mean they probably wanted them to do it during taping thats why they didn’t get invitations sent out or anything. Way to go MTV, now that teen pregnancy rate is going up bc kids want to be on your show, but now lets up the divorce rate too. I’m seeing a possible spin off.
Dana Said,
The whole part about Jenelle staying in her car with a camera crew and a boom mic made me LOL hard…at work. “What if she has to fart?”

The whole first paragraph of Chelsea’s about her friends “horse-like mane” was awesome!!

Annnnndddd the part about the deer pulling the flower girls on Corey and Leah’s section was funny too!! It is not a good idea to read this at work…It was hilarious!! But I just love those two…I am really excited that Ali has started going to Shriner’s. I went there from when I was 15 months old until I was 18 and it is pretty much the best hospital ever!! Mom watches it with me and last night she was just wanting to yell at the TV “Oh she WILL walk!!!!” because that’s exactly what they told me…anyhoo, glad she is there! Hopefully they will find out what is wrong with her soon…She’s too cute
Icka Said,
Am I the only person who hopes and prays every week that Andrew will triumphantly return from his Chinese Modeling excursion with two burlap sacks with a $ on them and the promise to give Janelle and Jace “The Good Life”?
dacabsarehere Said,
i can’t decide what is bothering me more, the fact that my damn comments never post anymore or the fact that this has been the “worst friggen” season of teen mom “evah”. i blame that “bitch of a daugggghwter, jenelle” … actually no, i don’t because without her i would of been not only yawning like ryan but taking some serious naps during this crap.
D-Funk Said,
I am surprised you didn’t say anything about Kail’s mom paying the $142.50 fee that was needed to file the custody papers. She wasn’t even able to let her live with her a few weeks ago and now she’s pulling out a stash of 20s like it is nothing.
Bahb's BFF Said,
I am wondering when Jenelle will get a clue…anyone?
Every week I wait for this light bulb to come on and ding! She gets it….but no. Can’t wait for her to get some jail time next week (I think for pot).
I have also been waiting for someone to bring up Leah’s problem with her “g”s. It is annoying as HELL, but I wait for it every week.
Good luck teaching that fingerless person to finger paint, Patrick. I don’t think things will be getter better with Chelsea anytime soon!
KittyKat Said,
Oh. My. Holy. Barbness. This blog almost made coffee come out through my nose. “What if she has to fart?” baahahahaha. Blooper real anyone??
On that note, I think Barb needs to have her own advice show. I’d name it “Tough Love with Barb” and she could take emails, calls, etc and give her full opinion. Seriously, it’d be more epic than Talk Sex with Sue. And she could have a contest…the winner gets to come play drinking games with her. I can’t help but imagine she’s amazing at Flippy Cup. I can just see her doing a celebration dance with her blue shirt and khakis.
I still miss the real Teen Moms. At least with Amber and her failure to get a GED, I was like well, she’s disadvantaged (aka stupid. She reminds me SO much of my step sister, who is the dumbest person I know and STILL got a GED…) I want to smack the crap out of Chelsea when she talks about how distracting having a child is while going to school. They do nap and sleep at night…that’s when you study! It’s not like she’s busy cleaning her house during that time. Or working. And how in the hell does her dad, the dentist, not know to put Aubree’s drinks that aren’t milk in a sippy cup? Or that a child shouldn’t have that much juice.
Sarakate Said,
Now, let’s not be giving Starbucks a bad name…Chelsea was at Caribou Coffee!

Love, love, LOVE your blog – even after I’ve seen the episode, I can’t wait to read your blog about it!
Confused Said,
Why did they blur out Adam’s new girlfriends face while they were looking at her pictures on Facebook, but then ended up fliming her in her house like 5 minutes later? If she consented to be on the show then why blur out her face? Just wondering.

Also, Barb is pure magic.
Bets Said,
Why oh why does potato faced Kailyn’s mom have a snooki poof? Also, please, someone get this woman a decent flat iron and some root rescue.

Corey needs to go to the Dr. because he
a. sounds like he always has a cold
b. looks like he can’t breathe through his nose
c. his head has outgrown that science experiment he calls a hat

We need more of Jo. I love his dead pan, “because I effing hate you” and “whore”. He’s the unsung hero of Teen Mom.
H Said,
I can’t believe you didn’t notice (or at least mention) that they showed Leah and Corey at the cake shop and he had only a small goatee, but then “later that night” when they go ice skating he has suddenly grown a full beard.

Also, I never want this season to end. It’s my guilty pleasure.
carrie Said,
Ni Hao! Just a thought. If Chelsea can’t get her GED cause Aubreee is too distracting couldn’t she ask Randalicious or her mom if they could watch the kid for a couple hours. I mean Randy is always available for a snack pack and her mom seems nice. Also there are these things called playpens. Put your kid in it, add some toys and wahlah, an hour to study. Same trNick would work for kai lan.
Jazzy Said,
Stick-figure Adam and blaminK your tan = the best thinK i read all day!
katie Said,
dolphins and puffy leather couches……trademark possessions of the poors. glass dolphins hanging from your ceiling…….a sure sign of a meth-lab going on in your bathroom. they probably point buyers in the direction of the goods. at least they are useful.
and i love barb as much as the next guy, but she clearly doesn’t know how to use make-up. i had a hard time looking at her while she was in her lawyers office thinking about dry humping him.
i’m pretty sure that chelsea was trying to get some good publicity by “studying” in the coffee shop. “look at me, i’m the tannest teen mom in all the land, just trying to study for my spelling test! T-A-N spells ME!!!!!!!”
great recap as usual, looking forward to next week
Just A Fan Said,
I’m surprised you never say anything about Jace’s hair “styled” exactly like Barb’s. Look closely next time. I hope she does that purposely.
Suzie Q Said,
All these babies are in front facing car seats but still drinking from a bottle? Maybe Randilicious is just prepping the kids to do full mouth makeovers at the cost of the insurance company?

I think Adam should watch TM 1 where Ryan boohoos that he will have to pay over a hundred thousand for Bint-Lee. You mean you actually have to pay for a baby you make?

None of these girls say Thank You. Which makes me wonder if they were all created at Kai Lan and Ming Lee’s $5 Dollar Sucky Sucky.” A place where manors are left at the door.

The cameo wedding has me speechless to think that there is such TRAILER people out there. I hope they upgrade to a double wide with there TM 2 money.
Joanna Said,
I’m pretty sure that Janelle’s arrest on next week’s episode is from when she and Kieffer broke into a house and were caught inside smoking pot. The “beach house” they’ve been frequenting perhaps?
Suzie Q Said,
Mine don’t post either
Heynow Said,
I just wanna cosign dacabshere’s comment. This group of boring tmoms is just…no. I want our original teen messes back, and Jenelle and Barb can just join them and get rid of the rest of teen mom2 cast boredom. Yawning Ryan and Belden llineman shirt are sorely missed…
Dana Said,
@ H – also in one scene Chelsea had these huge blonde hilights across her bangs and in the next she was all brunette…lol
Jenny Said,
I love reading these recaps as much as I like watching the show!
Kortney Said,
Maybe they blurred out the picture on facebook because it was a different girl than the one’s he is shown living with later on. Knowing Adam, he just mooches from one idiot girl to the next. Do these girls not watch the show and know what a loser this guy is?? Personally, I don’t think there is anything endearing about a guy who doesn’t work and is behind on his child support payments….
Brianna Said,
At this point in taping, does Chelsea know Megan’s preg? In their pedicure scene her feet looked really swollen, but I guess it’s too soon for that? I don’t know
Jenny Said,
I agree with Kortney, Adam is a complete loser and these girls are so stupid to let him use them. I think Chelsea was upset/jealous that he is with someone new.
chelly Said,
anyone else notice that Jayce was drinking purple kool aid out of his bottle? I think he’s a little young for that one! I think I am just surprised it wasn’t sweet tea since they are in NC
chelly Said,
oh and the deer pulling the flower girl to the altar and shooting it comment was the best!
Jenn Said,
OMG last week’s Caldor reference and this weeks “Land of Lakes White American” have me laughing my ass off. Pure MA in and out! (I’m back here after 10yrs and wondering HTF time stopped). Janelle and Barb yelling it out in the parlor! “P
SZ Said,
MTV needs to get their editing in check pronto. Leah and Chelsea’s hair colors are all over the place. Do they think we don’t notice?

Also, did anyone else notice Kailyn was letting Isaac play with a Modell’s bag (mom of the year bonus points) even though she works at Sports Authority? Why is she shopping at her job’s competitor?

Fab recap as usual!
alwayssunny Said,
holy jenelle’s mom, i just realized you titled that barb graphic at the top “the barby bunch”. absolutely fantastic.
Mel Said,
did anyone catch leah’s face when she asked the doctor about ali’s arms being too short for her age?….love the whole image of the deer and flower girls LOL
carrie Said,
When do we get to see a unisex cut black or navy tshirt. With a giant graphic of a wolf and/or eagle next to a moon? My life would be complete! I am guessing we will see one at the camo wedding.
Leasha Said,
i about cried happy tears hearing Barb yell at jenelle about how she “stole my discovahh gold cahhd!” My ears have an orgasm every time that woman speaks… no homo. And i literally clapped at my tv when Barb took Jace OUTSIDE to “Granpaw Mike” so he wouldn’t hear the screaming match. Kudos to Barb! HOWEVER i was totally bummed when she listened to her lawyah when he said, “If you press charges she’ll be an even bigger burden to you because it’ll be hard for her to get a job.” Uh, excuse me? How about, “TOUGH SHIT, THE BITCH IS 18 AND CAN FEND FOR HERSELF!”? Jenelle is no longer Barb’s responsibility and she is ONLY a burden on Barb because barb LETS HER! Wake up, Barb! Tell your sorry little bitch of a daughtahh to get the fuck outta your house! You’re already caring for her child in what should be your retirement years! It also saddens me that if Barb raises Jace the way she did Jenelle, that Jace will simply be a male version of Jenelle. Barb needs to grow a backbone and really show some tough love! Her and Papa Chelsea both need to shape up in the parenting department.

Adam’s math is horrendous (shocker!). He’s in for a lot of disappointment when he finally sits down and figures out his total child support bill or when he’s being hauled off to the slammer for not paying it, whichever comes first. Wouldn’t it be fucking EPIC if Adam and Jenelle met in prison, along with Amber and possibly Butch and April? That could be an entire episode special; locking all of them in one cell with only one rock of coke! It’d be survival of the fittest!

Does Leah’s mom’s body look.. oddly proportioned to anyone else or is it just me? Hopefully that whole “Look at a woman’s mother to see how she will age” thing isn’t true.

i totally feel for Kail but for God’s sake please show us some more of Jo and his mother’s wispy mustache on her scrunched up angry face! Those 2 always make up for the boringness that is Kail’s portions of the show.
Jenna Said,
I PROMISE YOU I’m not making this up. My best friend’s sister lives in Oak Island, NC where Barb and Jenelle live and she went to visit her last weekend. While she was there she ran into Barb at the deli counter at Wal-Mart ordering “roast beeeeeeeeffff.” She then proceeded to track down her house but bailed on actually knocking on the door. Of course I thought of you immediately.
Felicity Said,
As soon as Barb said she was busting her balls I was smiling. I knew it was on. This was a great Barb episode.
Dena Said,
Priceless. Snorting a dime sized dollop of Suave just made my day.
Rayyyychel Said,
This blog makes me laugh hysterically every time I read it.. You hit the nail on the head with every sentence!

First off, Barb had me cracking up. I’m pretty sure her favorite line is “you haven’t taken caaahe of this babyy since its born..” And can I just say that it bugs me that she calls Jace “the baby.” He does have a name.. It’s just like on Jenelle’s 16 and Pregnant episode where they call him “it.” I laughed when she was yelling at Kieffah trying to drive, he was probably the least stoned of the two of them, but still too stupid to know how to drive. Poor Jace, he is so cute, and his mother just ignores him all the time. I find it sad that HE wakes HER up. How about you get your lazy ass out of bed and care for your baby!? My God, I sound just like Barbarella. Jenelle needs to get her shit together. End. Of. Story.

I wonder if Chelsea knows how dumb she is. Adam’s girlfriend… WOOF! I couldn’t help but laugh during their whole conversation, I just wanna rib the pubes out of his chin. When he mentioned that he applied at Wal-Mart, I hoped that Barb might get transferred to South Dakota, or wherever the hell they live. That would be some good tv. I know Adam would be a “little bitch of an employeee” I get so tired of listening to Chelsea whine.. You can’t study because your child is a distraction, because she’s cute? Ok, I will admit, AubWEE is pretty cute, although she kinda looks more like Randilicious than anyone. KittyKat had a good point, how about you study while she sleeps? This girl does not work, she doesn’t do ANYTHING, she should be studying all the live long day.

Kailyn just makes me depressed. I am glad that Suzi is actually stepping up though, she must have started selling drugs as opposed to just using them. I missed Janet’s mustache in this episode.. And bless Isaac’s little heart, he is starting to look kinda like Jo. I was kinda glad that Neanderthal Jordan was not in this episode. He is about as smart as Chelsea.

Poor Leah, her voiceovers sound so bad! I feel bad for them because of Ali’s health issues, but dear LORD they are making all of us from the South look bad. Sadly, I know a few people who incorporate camo into everything except hunting. Camo and lime green do not go together, and I’m pretty sure that Leah’s stepdad is also like her uncle or her 3rd cousin. I bet if Chelsea ever gets married, her wedding will be leopard-print themed. I can’t wait to see the wedding next week, and Corey burst into tears when Leah walks down the aisle.. Which is so unlike him, he never cries about anything.

And finally, I will join in with everyone and say that these kids should probably not be drinking orange Fanta, grape kool-aid, or playing with plastic bags, or curling irons, or eating dirt.. Way to go, Teen Moms!
Sally Said,
I love you.
Please marry me.
RayRay Said,
Who the hell does Jenelle think she is?! She basically blamed her mom for everything when SHE is the one who STOLE her moms credit card! Did I miss something???!!!! I can’t stand to hear her call Jace “my son” because she is no mother.

Kailyn needs to start saying Thank You for things. Does she think everyone owes her all that they do?!

Chelsea needs to grow up. Get your damn GED. Every mother has more going on than just sitting there looking at their cute child.

I don’t understand how all of these girls have their nails done and can go get coffee all the time and go out to eat when they are so broke. And they need to get their kids some sippy cups!!
IBBB Rocks! Said,
I would totally rock a t-shirt of Barb and those balls!

IBBB please open shop over at Cafe Press or some place similar and sell t shirts, coffee mugs, etc. of Barb, the puffy couches and the crying Farrahs.

I predict you will make enough $$$ to tell E and The Soup to shove it and open up your own entertainment gossip empire.
B&P,M,G,R & Dolly Said,
Is someone looking for couches? I am so ready to show off all my stuffs.

DADDDDDDDY
Old School Woman Said,
@Ibbb, Love your recap on the show. New to the site, but let me give you my take on this week’s show:

Let’s get the doormat Chelsea out the way, she makes it seem as if she left AD-DUMB (love this name for him, so on point), but AD-DUMB was the one who said it was over. Why is Randiliciious (this is what you call your FATHER?) still letting this CHILD live off his dime? This is the reason she will NEVER grow-up. Everything has been handed to her by DAD. Is it because that since his divorce from her mom it makes him feel like he doesn’t want to lose his daughter too, so he OVER COMPENSATES by being her FRIEND instead of her DAD! STOP right now RANDILIOUS! You have given this child MORE THAN MOST who are working to make a difference in their lives. Also, why have we just seen the mother, what’s the deal with that. Why is Chelsea with her DAD instead of her MOM. Could it be that she would not put up with Chelsea’s, whining, selfishness, laziness, etc. I for one want to know more about her mom. Chelsea says she has NO TIME to study? Who takes their child with them to a coffee shop to STUDY? She has a home. Why not study there when the child takes a nap or when she is down for the night. Each and EVERY time she has off (mom or dad watching Aubree) she spends it getting a manicure/pedicure. Randy, tell her that if you do watch the child it will ONLY be if she is FOCUSED on her GED! Time for this lazy-ass, Aqua-net overkill, low-self esteem broad to get it together! Tell her the bills will no longer be paid in the next 2 months. Gives her enough time to get her act together! Adam is an IDIOT. He has now found some other IDIOT to take him in to her home. My God, are all the woman in their town that NEEDY? A man who you have BARELY know and says to you he is behind on his CHILD SUPPORT payments over $2,000 dollars, has no job, tells you he applied for a job at “WALMART” is a good catch in their town? God, make sure you write down the zip code because no one in anyone’s family should EVER live there! It’s funny that he always seemed to have money for his “REAL BABY”, his 4-wheeler and Blazer car! Glad that previews from the next show has Randy having AD-DUMB’s SHIT towed!
Leah: Not much to say siince the tabloids already show that they did get married. So the drama is MOOT! Love your take on the red-neck wedding. Funny thing is that the dress she picked out does not fit for the “CAMO” wedding. Glad that the “CAMO” look was just the vests for the men, but unfortunately the “CAKE” may also be “CAMO”! Why is Corey still wearing that CAMO cap that is so OLD that strings have been hanging from it. Also, why does he MUMBLE all the time. It’s sounds like he is speaking another language to the point that EVERY time he talks they need subtitles, DUH! One thing is that you have to love the support they give each other and the support they get from both families. Sorry that their doctors have no real conclusions to what is wrong with their daughter, but hopefully with the money they make from the show they will be able to take their daughter to a “REAL SPECIALIST”! With the way Health Insurance is, and this couple doesn’t seem like they have a good health plan, money will DEFINITELY make a difference for this child. I hope for the best!
Kailyn (K): Used to feel sorry for her, but I no longer do. Yes, Jo is an Asshole. The last person she needs to be with is someone who emotionally and verbally abuses her. But let’s take a step back to 16 and Pregnant. When K’s OWN MOTHER told her she couldn’t stay with her while she was pregnant at 16. She would have been homeless. Yes, she is pregnant with Jo’s child, but I don’t see any other mother (besides Chelsea’s, only because her mom probably knew that her DAD would continue to SPOIL her) leaving their 16-year old daughter to fend for herself. Jo’s family took her in and gave her a home when her OWN MOTHER WOULDN’T, paid for EVERYTHING the baby and she needed, (don’t know if you watched the show when she went shopping with HER MOM FOR ISAAC ON THEIR DIME!) Her mom picked out the MOST EXPENSIVE SHIT SHE SAW SINCE SHE WASN”T PAYING FOR IT. Jo’s parents NEVER questioned any purchase. This was their grandson and they wanted the best for him, but does that mean they were responsible for “K”? No, they were not. They allowed her to stay in their home, and if you watched “16 and Pregnant” you would have seen how much of a WHINER she was. Yeah, Jo was not the best of boyfriends, but at that time Janet told her she would be there for her and she was. She even used to YELL at Jo for not being there for “K”. She tried to instill in him that he needed to spend more time with “K”. Held her when she cried, comforted her when she was feeling NO LOVE FROM HER OWN MOM! My issue is that when she was living with them and Janet layed down the law that as long as she was living in her home (ON HER DIME MIND YOU) she could not have another boyfriend. With 2 jobs, school and a child I don’t see why that should have been a problem for this ungrateful broad! I do believe that Janet needs to put Jo in CHECK, he definitely has ANGER issues, but K SHOULD be more GRATEFUL for ALL THEY HAVE DONE FOR HER. MAYBE A THANK-YOU would help! Now after her indiscretion with Jordan (with 2 jobs, school and the baby how did she find time for a boyfriend?) Any extra time she had should have been spent with her son. Also, why is Jo’s brother available to watch the baby? Is he still living in the house too? Does he work at night? How is he available while “K” goes to school? K’s mom seems to all of a sudden be able to help K out, but is it because of the money she thinks K will make and the FAME she thinks she will recieve? Don’t like her style. When her daughter needed her most SHE WAS NOT THERE, but Jo’s family was!
Had to save the best for last: Jenelle (J)! What can you say. She is a total IDIOT. She not only leaves her son at the drop of a dime, but STEALS her mom’s CREDIT CARDS to hang with SPECIAL K (love this name for him) and his NO-COUNT brother and his DREAD-LOCK wearing girlfriend? I know “J” paid for everything with Barb’s credit cards. These people don’t have a POT TO PISS IN! Yet they go out on Barb’s dime thanks to J and order sushi that they can’t even PRONOUNCE! J claims she only spent $400 not the $700 her mom quoted, but like most of the posts here, the cash advances were more likely for drugs. What a numbnut J is! In my book J is DONE! I have no RESPECT for her or her supposed man Kieffer the HUSTLER! I’m team BARB. Yes, she flies off the handle some times, and I wish when she did she took Jace out of the room, but having a daughter that would STEAL YOUR MONEY, while you are CARING FOR HER CHILD is DESPICABLE! No more SYMPATHY for J. She shows by her actions that Jace is the LAST THING ON HER MIND (whenever she comes home she walks right past Jace, and when she IS allowed to stay home, Jace wakes her up, she doesn’t wake him up. Way to go “J”). Previews from next week’s show have “J” calling from JAIL and CALLS HER MOM, NOT SPECIAL “K. She knows who she can rely on, but still treats her mom like crap. I hope BARB doesn’t bail her out. Might be the only way she realizes how good she could have it!
LoveToReadHere Said,
The Barby Bunch collage is awesome!

I have to admit I am sitting in a puffy chair as I type . . . I do have “real” leather on my sofa (where the cat sleeps) and another chair (in which the dog sleeps) . . .
B Said,
I can’t BELIEVE no one mentioned that when the nipple of Aubree’s bottle came out of the dishwasher discolored Chelsea’s friend said, “Well, she’ll have an orange nipple.” Just like she would have if Chelsea ever breast-fed Aubree with her super-tanned self. IBBB, I thought you would have mentioned that.

But seriously, who finds Adam attractive? And how does he get all these girls to have sex with him? (So he claims.) He’s unemployed, rude and obsessed with his car. Not to mention he neglects his kid. Wow, what a winner. MTV, stop filming him. He’s just in it for the money, which he’ll use only for his car.
IBBB Rocks! Said,
That trashbag Jenelle beat the snot out of some chick this week. Just another page to add to her ever growing police record.

http://www.tmz.com/2011/03/25/teen-mom-2-jenelle-evans-catfight-video-footage-britany-truett-fist-brawl/

Mother of the year!
AdamsStickArms Said,
Ah, Chelsea, still living of good old Randilicious…get yer damn GED already! Get a job! Pay some bills! Do something besides sit around and stare at AubREE (I don’t like that spelling, either)!
Katie- T-A-N spells ME! Gold!

I just loooked up the word ‘trashy’ in the dictionary, and I swear there was a picture of Jannelle …Barbrahhhha tells her to come home and sleep there and she doesn’t even say thak you!? And she can’t even say thank you to her for taking care of her child…nice.