Mar
09

Teen Mom 2 Recap: Suzi, the Unsung Skittish Hero!

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Jenelle – Me gusta mi favorita teenage mother “La Jenelle.” That’s Spanish for “Trash is here!” Jenelle and Kieffah are spending a romantic day at the beach discussing how they’ve never been apart since that day that Jenelle drunkenly met him at a porch party. I remember when she picked him up for their first date and he was standing on the side of a dirt road like he just frolicked out of the woods. It seems like just 25 episodes ago that happened. Apparently time flies when your “gentlemen greeter” isn’t pushing out tiny humans. Anyway, Special K is going to crash at his cousins house which I believe is actually code for “the shelter” and Jenelle is going back to Barb’s Bitchin Bungalow of Booze and Blue (shirts, that is). To keep on pace with her Guinness World Record, Barb is wearing her prized blue shirt again and welcomes Jenelle back home with open eye rolls and sassy slurred attitude. My favorite!

I must admit I love scenes when Barb and Jenelle are just chilling on the front porch. I can only imagine countless screaming matches and wicker furniture being thrown at each other when Jenelle was little punk youth. However, this time around Barb has a brand new attitude, a new pink shirt, and it looks like she’s even using some voluminous mousse on the ends of her hair. She kinda has spikes. Basically it’s like a modern version of the Ma’am Papadopolis and ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it. Jenelle and Barb decide to work on their relationship, keep things positive and respect each other more because, as Barb puts it, Jenelle is stuck with her for the rest of her life. Let’s hope so. I pray Barb lives to the ripe old age of 227, as I think she has the will to hit that number and that also happens to be my favorite TV show growing up and, well, I get to make the rules around here. Bonus points for Barb’s mom jeans. My dear Jesus I love that woman.

Just when everything seems to be going so well, Jenelle disobeys one of Barb’s 100 Commandments: Thou Shall Not Take Jace Anywhere With Out Ye Old Blue Shirt Approval. It’s in the Bible. Trust me. It’s right after the part about not touching yourself. Anyway, Jenelle brought Jace 5 minutes up the street to the store and came right home. Barb, hops out of her car basically in a tuck and roll position and finds the car seat in the back of Jenelle’s mode of transportation. A fight ensues in which Barb says that Jenelle is required to ask permission before she takes him out and that if she pushes her too far she’ll call the police. Well that seems a little dramatic, no? I would have been like, “If you wear that blue shirt one more time in front of Jace then I’m calling the police because it’s abuse…or some sort. I have no idea, but I’ll call the police too. We can speak with them at the same time if you’d like. Shall I dial? Are they still at 911? Good. Good day.”

Since Jenelle is great at making good, sound, thorough decisions she decides to head to the beach to meet up with Kieffah since they haven’t banged up a storm in a few days. Nothing is really new with Kieffah since the last time we saw him. Oh, except actually he has a full blow out this time around. If it wasn’t so spiky I would have guessed he was going for a Dionne Warwick look. Either way, he’s shaved, removed his lip ring, and is missing home so Jenelle decides they should immediately take a road trip to New Jersey (this must explain the blow out). And, to top things off she has enough money for gas to get them there (suddenly she’s good at estimating how much gas costs for a trip from NC to NJ? She knows it’s not the next state over right? It isn’t, is it?) and decides she will use Barb’s credit card for gas on the way back and food. I’m sure that will go over well. No trouble, no trouble at all. Oh, and they’re going to tell her that she’s just going to Myrtle Beach for a concert. Yeah, I’m sure Barb doesn’t call her bank 5 times a day to see if any money is missing or anything so I’m sure she won’t be the wiser. And I’m also sure she won’t watch this episode either. It’s like, come on man take Barb on the trip! She’s half the fun! Plus I kinda want to see her do the Jersey Turnpike like Deena!

Later, Jenelle tries to sneak out of the house with her backpack by…walking directly past Barb. Hmmm I wonder if she’ll notice? Oh, she did. She’s a quick one. Barb sort of fell for the lie about Myrtle Beach. As much as like dysfunction how wrong was it that she would be willing to leave Jace for a few days and not even kiss him goodbye. That’s really sad. Now I have the blues…like Barb’s shirt. Jenelle peaces out of the house and picks up Kieffah on his usual spot which is, of course, sitting on the grass on the side of the road. I mean, at least sit on someone else’s front stairs and pretend it’s your house.

Kailyn – Oh good the Cowardly Lion is back in action! Kail ends up having to leave her baby with her mom, Suzi, so she can go meet up with Jo in some random parking lot to discuss all things “crazy.” Why do I have a feeling that the next time we see Isaac, Suzi is going to have tried to snort him? Anyjunk, Jo acts like he’s acting out lines from the local community play when he says, “Hello, nice day isn’t it?” He then finishes it off by saying how it’s too nice out for Kail to be enjoying it as “she should be in a cave.” Oh please, like Kail would be that lucky to have all the luxuries of cave life. Kail ends up spilling the scripted beans that she has, in fact, been seeing someone for the past 3 months and Jo tells her that she’s no longer allowed in his house or even on his block anymore. He then says, “Oh, and you’re a whore” like he was ordering breakfast and says to the waitress, “Oh, and I want a side of hash-browns too!” After lovingly telling Kail that she won’t finish school and gets in at all hours of the night he decides to call her a whore one more time and then he leaves…the parking lot. Let’s just assume that Janet is going to place her entire head right through the wall when she hears this. It’s enough to make her mustache curl. Charlie Sheen’s machete has nothing on Janet on a rampage. See what I did there? I’m weaving current events into this recap. Winning.

Later Kail meets up with her Sports Authority Neanderthal Lover to let him know that the gig is up, Jo knows about them, and how she is now basically homeless. She ends up calling her mom to see if she can stay with her and Suzi shockingly says, and I quote, “Yeah, come right over. I’m here.” I’m sorry what? Who is this and what have you done with Suzi? She must be on a bender.

Well it’s the big day of the move and we get to actually see inside Suzi’s house! This, basically, is the best day of my life. Sadly from what we can see nothing seems out of the ordinary except, well, Suzi. What the hell is she wearing? She’s sporting a white shirt and some white jogging pants with some kind of large black Asian writing going up her pant leg. And she has a banana clip. And a nose piercing. And her eyes are blinking about 100 miles per hour. She’s either coming down right now or going up. It’s a tough call, really. She ends up making ground rules for Kail right off the bat, which includes not being on the phone at all hours of the night and not texting a lot because she “hates the noise.” Yeah, she’s definitely coming down. Although Suzi is being extra nice and letting Kail know that she can stay with her as long as she needs. I have a feeling she maybe wants to bang the camera man? She’s like, “Oooo weeeeee! A man!” This explains her show-off jogging pants.

At this time, Kail needs to go to work and has no one who can watch her baby so she calls Jo’s brother to watch him, which he agrees. Great, now Janet has him. I’m sure she’s in the process of cleaning up the dungeon where she’ll lock up the baby so that Kail can never get him again.

I have to admit, I’m totally digging Suzi in this crapisode. While she’s crazier than a toothless homeless man wearing a tinfoil hat and trying to fist-fight the sky, she’s really got Kail’s back. Maybe it’s the meth, maybe it’s love. No way to fully know. All I do know is that Kail wants to get her stuff back from Jo’s house and he’s holding it all hostage until she can pay him back the $600 that she owes him. Suzi wants none of this and drives over with Kail to Janet’s house to get her stuff back. She leaves Kail in the car and heads into Janet’s territory. I’m nervous. Janet, who is camera ready with her hair completely straightened, tells Suzi that she can’t have Kail’s stuff back until she pays back Jo because “Kail has done him dirty.” She was missing the z-snap, but the delivery was great. Suzi, on the other hand, is now starting to shake, twitch, and pace and demands her stuff back and Jo starts mouthing off to Suzi saying that she can’t have Kail’s stuff. I was yelling at my TV, “You do NOT yell at my Suzi, you hear me!?” Sadly, they didn’t talk back to me. One day, my friends, one day.

Suzi ends up calling the police to try and get this situation under control, but sadly the police just tell Jo and Janet that they’re not going to make them give Kail her stuff back. To make matters worse, Jo asks the police that without a custody order can he just keep the baby until something is filled out…to which the answer is “yes.” The police then instruct Kail to file for custody…but she looks more concerned about getting her scrunchies back so she can do more side-ponytails. Do you think Suzi knows where she is right now? I hope not. I love her.

Chelsea – Ugh, here we go. Right off the bat, Chelsea is fighting with Adam about watching the baby so that she can start to get ready because she has some friend coming over. What’s odd is that in this scene she has the entire top of her head with random blond in it, but next thing you know when her friend arrives all the blond is completely gone. I don’t know why I care, but the producers should make sure they don’t change their white-trash look often so when they edit the absolute piss out of this it doesn’t look so obvious. While her friend is over with her baby, Aubree is trying to tongue the little boy on the regular…just like her mother. Can you crush up birth control and put it in her bottle? I don’t know how all that works, but it must be better than giving the baby orange Fanta like it appears is regularly in there. Anytan, the best part of this entire episode is when Chelsea is walking through the house and we catch a very quick glimpse or some oil-like painting of Chelsea holding her baby in a Glamour Shots like picture. She was just missing the feather boa. Everything else was dead on.

So Adam continues to be a complete douchenheimer this entire episode. They’re all going to the town fair and Adam calls the baby a “turd” just like Amber used to call Leah “booger.” It must be a poverty thing…kind of like puffy leather couches. There’s some correlation there I’m sure that scientists are currently studying and I’m happy to fund it.

Whilst at the fair, in which Adam makes Chelsea pay for her ticket and his, he sees a girl that he once at sex with and waves to her. This, of course, turns Chelsea a darker shade of orange, and yet another fight ensues. She wants to hold Adam’s hand, but he won’t do it. They fight over Adam waving to that girl and his defense is, “Of course we’re going to see people we hooked up with here.” Really? What kind of f’n county fair is this? Do they typically hook up with carnival workers? Is this something that normally happens in South Dakota that I don’t know about? And the whole time Chelsea’s friend keeps looking at Adam like she can catch “douche.” Priceless.

Back at home, Adam continues to be a big b*tch and keeps forgetting to wear his shirt. Chelsea should have been like “Hey Megan you’re back! Oh it’s you Adam. Your petite shoulders threw me off.” He ends up calling Chelsea a b*tch for wanting to hold the baby while she has her bottle. This kid is a complete tool. He makes Ryan seem enthusiastic.

Later, Adam “falls asleep” at his friends house all day and wont come home to help watch the baby. They’re now fighting over who works less. I mean, no one can win in this fight. It’s like two armless people fighting over who has a harder time picking their nose. I have no idea. When Chelsea asks him to come home to help watch the baby he just says that he’s busy and hangs up…but then we see him playing pool in what I thought was the basement of homeless shelter but apparently it’s the local bar. I would kill myself if I lived where they live.

In the end, Adam comes home for 10 minutes and ends up telling Chelsea that he cheated on her like 5 times while they were together, but that it was ok because she cheated on him too. Chelsea actually looks shocked and like her tan is going to slide right off of her. They end up “breaking up” like Audrina and Justin Bobby for the 200^th time and Adam leaves the house to go and stay with someone else. I think Chelsea’s dad should take him in since he’s basically already supporting him. Just me?

Leah – Hey y’all! Go have sex with your brother because it’s time for Leah and crew (shoot two guns in the air whilst chewing on hay)! What the F is up with the front of their house? The “porch” is a complete trash dump and Corey comes into the house saying “Look what’s been delivered.” He’s holding a package that ends up being Ali’s eyeglasses, but I have no idea how in the hell he even found it on that front porch. And you totally know the delivery person just through it into the giant pile of trash and ran. Just because you live in a trailer without wheels doesn’t mean you can’t clean it. If you have time for fishing trips and keg parties you have time to organize the porch. And by “organize” I mean “perform an exorcism.”

Leah, her friends, her mom, and Corey’s mom all go out wedding dress shopping. So Corey’s mom is actually just Corey with a blond wig on, right? Kind of like when Chris Farley used to dress up as the Gap Girl? Anyway, Leah’s mom is starting to cry about Leah in a wedding dress because of the cost. Whilst she is crying she’s patting her own crunchy curls and freshly fried bangs. It’s like she’s signaling an al qaeda attack. After the wedding shop owner gives Leah a 30% discount on the dress and lowers the price to $1000, her mom ends up buying it for her even though she looks like she’s about break wind, puke, and pass out all at the same time. It’s actually really nice that she’s willing to buy this dress. I’m sure once this Teen Mom money starts to kick in, Leah will hook her up. Maybe she’ll give her a hairdo makeover for the Dr. Drew reunion show. I hope they bring me up.

Later, it’s the big day to get the results of the MR-eeeeyyye. Why am I nervous? They send a resident doctor in to give the results of the MR-eeeeyyye…is that normal? Isn’t a resident like the kid who’s still in school? I have no idea as I haven’t been to doctor since I was born. I jest. Hooray the MR-eeeeyyyye came back fine! Just as I suspected. Then they send in the other doctor who, to no surprise, basically makes them feel like crap. He wants them to see a genetics doctor to see if she has any syndromes, but thinks she’ll be able to walk and kinda makes Leah feel like an idiot for even asking because the baby is only like 8 months old. Again his bedside manor is the pits and Leah seems pissed.

Meanwhile the crunch ball interventionist comes by to take another look at Ali and while she’s happy with some new progress she’s been making she still thinks something is definitely wrong with her legs. I definitely think there is something wrong with all the wet curls in the house at one time. I mean, it has to be a fire hazard of some sort, no?

Leah has a moment of clarity and ends up calling another hospital to get a second opinion on Ali’s MR-eeeyyyee, which is probably the right decision. The appointment for the second MR-eeeeyyyye is just two days before her elaborate wedding. Geesh, I hope Diddy doesn’t cancel! In the end, Corey wins himself $5 from the bet they made because Ali can, in fact, roll over from her stomach to her back. Good for her. Now that Corey is $5 richer I’m sure he can take the next week off from work. And by “work” I of course mean “shooting things in the woods.”

Episode Rating: 3 Suzi Hairdo’s and 1 Yawning Ryan

Related Teen Mom 2 Links:

High, High. Yaw Both High and Smokin’ Weeeed!
Teen Mom 2 Hits Up the Oregon Trail!
Jenelle’s Master Plan With the US Dept of Education
The Episode Where I Almost Ended Up on the Today Show
Jenelle’s Hickeys = 6 More Weeks of Winter
The One With Barb’s Blue Shirt
Teen Mom 2 Season Premiere Recap: Jenelle Fights Her Mom
Jenelle’s 16 & Pregnant Episode Recap – 2010
Join Jenelle’s Moms Facebook Fanpage

77 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

Nicole Said,
“Anytan, the best part of this entire episode is when Chelsea is walking through the house and we catch a very quick glimpse or some oil-like painting of Chelsea holding her baby in a Glamour Shots like picture. She was just missing the feather boa. Everything else was dead on.”

I am so glad you caught this! I just about died when I saw that painting… photograph… whatever amazing crap it was.
Pam Said,
I really don’t get the deal with Ali’s doctors. My son had issues at nine months old and the Neurologist told me he would walk, but not to expect it before he was 18 months old. I hope it’s poor editing. I do wonder what hospitals they are taking her to?? Pediatrics is more about dealing with parents, these docs suck at it.
Kortney Said,
I believe they are taking her to a hospital in Morgantown, WV. I agree the docs seem very cold and impersonal. They don’t even attempt to ease Leah’s fears over Ali’s legs. I would definitely take her to another doctor and get answers from somebody.
Vee Said,
LOL @ you calling Kail the Cowardly Lion; so dead on! Also, she is insufferable. Can we kick her off the show and just have a camera crew follow Janet around? I’d sit and watch her straighten her hair for hours.
Jessica Said,
Baa ha aha ah ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it!

First of all, does anyone catch the fact that Jenelle always calls watching her own son babysitting?!?!!

Favorite comment to this day “Kail’s non-existent chin”…

You are hilarious!
frenchfille Said,
Honestly, I think the doctors just don’t know what’s going on. While I agree the first one way back totally sucked with his “somethin’ ain’t right” diagnosis, the others are just being honest. What if they were to say don’t worry, she’ll walk, everything will be fine and she never does? It’s a fragile situation and a very hard part of being a doctor.

What I don’t agree with, and again, with the crazy editing they do on this show who knows what the reality of the situation is, is how much of a “let’s wait this thing out” attitude Leah and Cory seem to have. I’d be driving out of state or whatever to get a specialist/2nd/3rd opinions to look at my child. They have a direct comparison in a healthy twin to know “somethin’ ain’t been right” for a long time.
alwayssunny Said,
vee- i’m with you on watching just janet. i love that woman, i honestly do. maybe it’s because i hate kail so much and janet gets to be bitchy to her. maybe it’s because she’s so fantastically badass. all i know is i want to sit in her kitchen and talk shit about people with her.
paahtyallthetime Said,
Was that a cat litter container I spied in Jenelle’s bedroom?? That must smell great. Mixed with the scuzzy sheets it’s a regular Perfumania. And Kail, I’d like to teach you two words “THANK YOU”. You might want to try saying them once in a while, for example, when you’re homeless and your mother takes you and your baby in. That would be a great time to use those two words. Try it sometime!
Rachel Said,
I heart Suzi…Something tells me she’s been through all this before…She knows exactly what to do.

Cannot stand Leah’s voice in her voiceovers. That needs to be fixed, she reminds me of my 8 year old sister…
Joanna Said,
For the past 3 weeks my comments will not post for the Teen Mom recaps, so this one better post IBBB!

Thrilled you noticed the classy painting/photo of Chelsea. I saw it, rewound the DVR, and fist pumped. Class-y.

I know this is sacrilege to you, but I am starting to hate Janet. When she claimed she had “no idea” where Kail’s stuff was because Jo boxed it all up, she looked like a petulant teenager. Pathetic. Jo is a piece of trash (though I really can’t stand Kail either). Did you know he’s been arrested twice in less than 6 months for drug possession? Great parenting Janet! At this point Isaac is better off living with Barb and Jace.

Though next week looks good-Kail gives Jo a check which she “forgot” to sign and Jo notices and slams the door in her face? I think that happened?
Lisa Said,
watching Jenelle repeatedly choose her boyfriend over her baby makes me sick. I hate how she refers to being with Jace as “babysitting” too. ugh! can’t wait to see Barbs reaction to her credit cards being stolen. did Jenelle think she’d actually be ok with this?

Kail – the girl is dumb for giving up all of the support she has. she could have stayed in a big house, had the help of her babys father as well as the grandparents and uncle, and as far as I know didn’t have to pay rent. WTF? I hope the sports authority guy is worth it. good for Suzi for actually doing some parenting in this episode.

oh and Adam is by far the douchiest teen dad on this show and the doctors Leah has been to so far seem awful.
Kristin Said,
Did you guys notice the part when Jenelle said to Keifer “I love you and that’s all that matters”
Ummm…. what about Jace? Wouldn’t most moms think their child is all that matters. It was so sad when she left for her road trip and didn’t say goodbye to Jace and he was watching her through the door.
Brianna Said,
So…Chelsea and Adam totally broke up because Megan’s pregnant by Adam right? Megan says she knows who the father is, but c’mon! She’s due in July, so around the time she moved out, she was probably knocked up. That reminds me of when Nene said, “Girls in the ‘hood don’t even know who they pregnant by, and they know when they due!” Love it.
Brianna Said,
AND is it just me or does Kailyn and Jo’s son look like Uncle Fester?
B Said,
@Jessica – YES! She always says, “My mom’s at work, so I get to babysit Jace.” It’s so odd

Ali’s doctor sucks; I felt so bad for Leah, especially when she has genuine concerns and the doctor blows her off. I think she got the MR-eeeeyyyeeee in Morgantown, WV, but their regular doctor gave them the results closer to home.

The Chelsea/Aubree portrait – A-mazing! I think Chelsea was wearing a toga.

IBBB I’m so glad you mentioned all the crunchy hair in this episode: at the bridal salon, the therapist. Pure gold!
Rayyyychel Said,
I look forward to this every Wednesday now, you are hilarious.. “Douchenheimer??” I mean, that is good stuff..

First off, Adam made me furious last night. He was being a bigger baby than Aubree. If I were Chelsea, I would have told him to leave a LOOONG time ago. She is really a spoiled brat. He did have a valid point when she asked him to hold the baby while she got dressed and stuff, and he said something like “is that gonna take two hours?”

Leah’s voiceovers are terrible. I am from Texas so I know I probably don’t sound much better, but geez. Her wedding dress was actually pretty, and I’m proud of her for not adding a camo sash or something ridiculous like that. Oh and that doctor was horrible. He is such a downer. His medical license should be revoked.

When Jenelle and Barbarella were sitting on the porch, she looked all snazzy! She must have had a hot date with Mike. And then when she found the car seat in Jenelle’s car, she was wearing a skirt! What has gotten into her? Kieffah looked like he had stuck his finger in a light socket. They are all just a mess, I can’t wait to see Barb go nuts next week.

I think some kind of aliens have taken over Suzi’s body. When she told Kail that she could stay there, I said “whaaat?!” to my tv. Jo is so childish and just a horrible ugly person. He and Janet are identical except for her long wavy locks. And also, I love how in some scenes Isaac has a lot of hair, and in some he doesn’t. Come on guys.

And Megan is pregnant?! How did I miss that?

Once again, this blog is WINNING!
B Said,
@Kristin – That was so messed up. I also like how Keiffah said, “Your son is your priority right now.” Like it’s going to change in the future? I think he son should be her priority always. But, this is Jenelle we’re talking about, so let’s not get our hopes up.
dacabsarehere Said,
am the only one who thought janet was gonna snatch a handful of suzi’s hair when she started walking to the door, she was following her like a panda stalking prey … oi vey! suzi and barbara should become roomates and they can co-parent those two worthless bitch daughters they have …
dacabsarehere Said,
o! also, when leah and cory’s wedding is on CMT’s big redneck wedding you’ll have to cover it!! … we all know its going to happen!
katie Said,
i think there should be a show with all the teen mom’s parents. like, april, barb, janet, suzi… sounds like a good time.

awesome recap. excited to see barb do her daily routine of yelling at her bitch of a daughter.

@ Rayyyychel leah’s dress was gorgeous. but i’m 99.9% sure corey wear’s a camo suit. not good!
Ash Said,
I always feel so bad for Kail. She really is just trying to do what’s best for her and her kid. Yes, she’s a freaking coward and no, she doesn’t know how to be gracious. But she’s also what, 18? I don’t remember saying thanks much when I was 18 either. Jo and his family are quite possibly the rudest, meanest, most vindictive, creepiest people I’ve ever seen. They are just HORRIBLE. I can’t even express my disgust with them. I hate having to watch them be jackasses week in and week out.

Leah and Corey need to find a good children’s hospital. That poor family, they really need some compassionate doctors who know how to deal with parents and whatever is going on with Ali. There is something going on, and someone needs to figure it out and HELP them!

I love IBBB. “Anytan, Douchenheimer, MR-eyyyyye” I’m crying I’m laughing so hard. Keep up the good work!
KittyKat Said,
Am I the only one who feels bad for Kail? Yeah she has no expressions and no chin but what Jo is doing to her is so wrong. Why is she a whore for seeing one person? He tries to control her and is obsessive and abusive. No wonder she never smiles. Poor girl. I mean, had it been me, I would have kissed dating goodbye and done whatever for the best interest of my son, but geesh. He was constantly ripping on her, even when she wasn’t seeing someone else. There are a ton of issues there. He’s trash. I mean, obviously he doesn’t work and doesn’t go to school. Probably just sells drugs to help pay for his parents huge ass freakin house!!!

And I don’t think that doctor knows his ass from a shoe covered in horse crap. Not being concerned that an 8 month old can’t bear weight on her legs?!?! My son was pulling himself up to things at that point, they should bear weight on their legs by like 4 months. Good lord, that guy sucks.

Also, I found the opening shot for Leah to be classic. A good ol’ ridin’ lawn mower sittin in the yard with grass growin’ up all ’round it. CLASSY!!!!!
LIsaP Said,
@joanna – i was scared to post my hate for Janet because i know ibbb *luvs* her. she is awful. she raised that abusive douche and now she defends and supports him. she is controlling and abusive herself.
this recap was perfection. “are they still at 911? shall i dial?” i keep thinking ibbb can’t get funnier, and he DOES!!!
Susa Said,
I feel so bad for poor little Jace. He just looks sad.

Corey and Leah are actually great parents. I am really rooting for them. And yeah, that Dr sucks! He’s seems so inconvenienced by them. As a parent, you just need to go with your gut so I am glad they looked for a 2nd opinion.

Kail is in a tough position but I think she kind of likes the drama, even though she has no affect. She seems so blank all the time. What parent wouldn’t take in their teen daughter and grandchild if they had no place to live!!

Adam is lower than whale poop on the bottom of the ocean. He needs his ass kicked.
Cait Said,
i nearly died when i read the part about crushing up birth control for Aubree’s bottle lol. That was perfect.

And it makes me happy that you’ve taken to Barb and Suzi so well. I was a bit concerned for your well-being during this long April and Butch hiatus
Raquel Said,
Alright can someone give me a rough estimate of a minute mark for the glamour shots portrait of Chelsea?
Felicity Said,
I don’t know the minute mark for the picture, but it’s when Adam comes downstairs and Chelsea’s sitting at the table with her laptop. It’s next to the steps – can’t miss. You have to see it – it’s priceless.
Little Suzy Said,
OK seriously, when has a road trip to NJ ever been a good idea, for anyone. That’s just bad all over.
kerry Said,
I’ll maintain that Janet needs to quit co-signing Jo’s nasty attitude/behavior. With that filthy mouth he’s no catch and she shouldn’t be surprised that not even Kail wants him.

Suzi finally realized through the haze that she could allow Kail to stay with her in return for some teen mom $$$.

It would totally make my night if Leah alluded to IBBB at the reunion.
Lisa Said,
@Raquel – the glamour shot picture is at 6:47
Jenny Said,
Too many laugh inducing lines to pick a favorite, but I must say I love you IBBB!!!
Meg Said,
I totally agree with Barb for freaking out on Jenelle for taking Jace out. The girl uses drugs on the regular. She should never take him out, let alone in a car. Totally behind Barb on that freakout.

And thank god you all saw that shot of Chelsea and Aubree. We definitely paused the TV to get a better look. It makes me long for the day of the Kaitlyn/Tyler glamour shots in Carly’s scrapbook.

So why is Chelsea acting like she has major daddy issues? It seems like Randy is a standup guy and that her parents are friendly despite the divorce. I don’t think we’ve seen the last of Adam.

And Patrick, you were the subject of a coversation at the dinner table at a big family party this weekend. My cousins and I turned our aunts and mothers on to IBBB and they are obsessed with your recaps.
heydayna Said,
Thank you Ash and kittykat and Kerry and anyone else who sees Jo’s abusiveness. What, is Janet his his pimp? I hate that she tells Kail that she loves her and is there for her…as long as Kail agrees to bang her son (and no one else). When Janet refused to make her son give Kail her stuff, that sealed it. TRASH! Kail did Jo wrong? Please. I hope Janet’s opinion of her son changes when she sees all these episodes. Asshat. But I guess because Kail isn’t pretty, we’re supposed to hate her. Okay. Ever notice when Jo calls her names or says vile things to her, she never retaliates? I admire that because I personally would give him a smack down.

Meagan moved out around the 4th of July. Now, if she’s due in July I doubt Adam impregnated her before she moved out, unless she is some kind of alien who has a 12 month gestation.
loveIBBB Said,
I laughed so hard I cried reading this re-cap.

I like how after Kail & Suzi are done talking about ‘the rules’ she has to follow,they look over at Isaac and they’re like “aaaawww are you eating dirt”
heydayna Said,
Also, where do Jo and Kail live that the cops won’t make Jo give Kail her things? I could see if there was a dispute over whose things they were, but. Janet and Jo both admit the stuff is Kail’s. Give her her shit and talk to Judge Mathis about the $600. Sheesh.
IBB Rocks! Said,
Am I the only one who noticed the billowing smoke clouds coming from inside Jenelle’s car when she went back to pick up Keiffer from the tree she left him by to pick up her back trip for the road trip? Road reefer!

Jo and Adam are both douchenheimers. These girls sure can pick quality menfolk.

Everytime I see Chelsea the song Beauty School Dropout runs through my head. The hair! The make up! The orangey glow! And the photo of her and the baby…LMFAO! I think it was more of a boudoir shot than a glamour one as she was bare almost down to her ass crack.

Does Kailyn ever smile? Like ever?

And thank you Jesus Claus. An episode where Leah is not crying!
IBB Rocks! Said,
Also, from the pics in the recap I’m sure Jo’s hair product of choice is a can of black spray paint.
Murray Said,
note to IBB its IBBB!

anywho, Janet completely pussied out when Suzi came over, and the fact that Jo blatently put Issac in the middle, did you see him crying in the jumper? ugh….
Not VaDeena Said,
“Plus I kinda want to see her do the Jersey Turnpike like Deena!” Classic!!!
the2V's Said,
OMG…. when I found this blog I wait for it every Wednesday afternoon to read it. It always puts me in a stupor laugh and tears with your witty recaps! But my “What the Hell Were You Thinking?” comment:

Janelle: she needs to hold her breath and jump into the damn ocean with about a ton of weight. She is worthless. No one should call themselves a “Mom” treating their son like that. She never kisses him bye, just leaves. I think Barb is a bit dysfuncitial, but hey, she is stepping up and raising her grandson…

Kail: Grow a back bone. That “Jo-Neanderthal” is shit. He verbally and mentally abuses her and I’m pretty sure when there was no camera’s, he slaps her around. Kail really needs to go to a damn lawyer and start focusing on getting her son and herself settled for a long time, 86 boyfriends and drama.

Chelsea: Please, for the love of GOD shoot Adam. Two D-bag dads on one show?! Her dad is a push over and she is too. Her daughter is too cute and she is a good mom, just needs to “re-prioritize” her life and goals. And her dad needs to start acting like one and start to STOP helping her so damn much and make her grow the eff up.

Leah: I know you don’t like the way she talks but by far her and Corey are the best couple and have the best support system, minus Leah’s mom. Is it me or does she always looks like she is disappointed at Leah? Corey’s parents are always positive. And after doing hours of research on baby Ali’s legs and my observations thanks to pictures and my Plasma’s nice picture, I can tell that Ali has clubbed feet and maybe hip dysplasia. Nothing intense physical therapy (daily from parents, every other day from professionals) could cure. I feel bad for how those DR’s talked to them. If that was us, my husband would have ripped that asshole a new one… but that is just us from CO. She needs to go to some big ass town with a big as children’s hospital to have things figured out.

Anytans(HAHAHA, CLASSIC!)… Kudo’s for you to make us laugh to tears. Hope nothing but the best for these mom (except Jenelle, she needs to die).
Kristen Said,
Chelsea should have been like “Hey Megan you’re back! Oh it’s you Adam. Your petite shoulders threw me off.”

OMFG. Hilarious.
Penelope Said,
Last night when I was watching this, I was laughing because I had your soon-to-be recap in mind.

I totally want to get drunk with Barb. Something tells me she’s a blast when she’s loaded.
PsychoCML Said,
I’d really like to know where Jo and Kail are from. I know that in most civilized states you can’t just keep someone from their stuff, money owed or not. Also, how in the hell can she not have custody? In MOST states custody is established at birth by signing a paternity affidavit. If I were Kail, I’d grow a backbone, get my child, move out of state, and use the MTV footage as evidence. Jo and his parents are a bunch of nutbags.

Jenelle really just needs to hit the stripper pole, graduate to meth, and call it a day.

Leah, I feel for her and think they’re the best parents this season…but other than the issues with the kids they’ve become boring, dull, and too redneck for me.

Chelsea needs to quit trying to be a Snooki wannabe and grow the hell up. I wish I had a rich daddy to support me while I sit on my butt doing what I want. I feel sorry for whoever did the picture that looks like a mixture of glamour shots and child pornography.

P.S. Booger is a midwestern thing, not a white trash or poor thing. I call both of my kiddos booger, as do a lot of people around here. Indiana does suck.
Katie loves Keiffah Said,
This is one of the funniest recaps ever!! I read them all, but this one takes the cake! I can see Special K creepin’ outta the forest…and I am so glad you brought up the caveman aspect of Special J (not J for Jo! Whore!). He kinda creeps me out…although I am glad he shaved his facial hair off.
katie Said,
http://a8.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc3/28828_395141089191_320653749191_3876571_5829476_n.jpg

found the picture on chelsea’s fanpage. classy
Raquel Said,
@Lisa, thanks! I tried to find it earlier but re-watching what a piece of crap Adam is and what a (whining) doormat Chelsea is was too exhausting.

ps, IBBB, fantastic recap as always. it’s like you take all the sarcastic thoughts that we have and set them to music. or something.
Dani Said,
I think Janelle refers to babysitting her son because she is not emotionally vested in Jace. And how sad was it to watch Jace standing at the window watching Janelle drive away? The baby gets it, but not the mother.

Jo is abusive towards Kail. I can’t stand him or his creepy mother. Grow up and give Kail her things. That was straight-up vindictive and immature and then to hold the child hostage. Yeah, lets use the child as colateral. Wow, just wow. Wait till Kail gets legal custody and Jo is forced to pay child support. That should be interesting. Kail has her issues but Jo and Janet are not nice people.

Agree about the doctor’s. They did a very poor job of explaining and providing some closure for what needed to happen. Struck me as odd and I know because I am a nurse and it was extremely poor communication skills on their part.

Leah needs a make-over. She really is a pretty girl. She just hasn’t come into her own yet.
Chris Said,
I read on another blog that Barb works at Walmart. That is the explanation for the shirt. No wonder she acts the way she does. Working hard at Walmart all day and then coming home to take care of Jace since her daughter wont.
Sarah Said,
Hilarious! Ma’am Papadopolis, “spilling the scripted beans”, the Chelsea oil painting and MR-eeeeyyye…this recap was full of great lines. Excellent job.

For what it’s worth, now that we’re so many episodes into the season I think most of these situations are suffering from the 50/50 syndrome. Jenelle is wrong about 50% of the time (for not spending time with Jace, making bonehead decisions regarding her boyfriend, and willingly leaving Jace with Barb without trying to step up to the plate) and Barb is wrong about 50% of the time (for her crazy-yelling, for preferring to dominate the situation with her grandchild rather than helping Jenelle learn to be a better mother).

Kailyn is wrong about 50% of the time for assuming that Jo’s family will just merrily support her (with money, child care, and a place to live) while she fucks around on their son. And Jo is wrong 50% of the time by being controlling, manipulative, and a general misogynistic bastard who knows he holds all the cards regarding money and family support, while Kailyn holds none.

Adam is wrong 50% of the time for being a lazy parasite who has no devotion whatsoever to Chelsea (and seemingly Aubree for that matter). And Chelsea is wrong for tolerating his utter nonsense…please, get one shred of self esteem and leave this loser behind for good!

Leah and Corey are a different situation. This is because they are supportive of each other, both willing to parent, and have supportive family around them. None of the other ladies have the help Leah does (a supportive father/partner AND both sides of the extended family being supportive as well).
LoveToReadHere Said,
I don’t observe that “Joe is abusive.” He is not NICE–and the way that sociopathic Kail has outright gleefully lied to him and his family disgusts makes me feel a strong urge to smack her.

Lovely how she boasted about her being in college while he is doing NOTHING with his life. UM–yes, good that he reminded her of the fact he gave her the money to be in school.

Kail is a user–she gets that from her mother. Janet showed way more restraint than I would have when Suzi waltzed in the door demanding Kail’s stuff. Personally, I’d be glad to turn over her “stuff” but no way would I let her have that baby. The girl is trash, behaves like trash and shows abusive traits herself.

Ungrateful liars like Kail are out there . . . Jo and his family are cursed to have her in their lives for the next 17 years. Their segment would be a great incentive for young men to use condoms . . .
I'm lovin' it Said,
@heydayna: The cops were right. Jo not giving Kail her stuff back is a civil matter. All the cops can do is stand by and make sure everyone acts like grown ups and behaves. A lot of BS arguements between ex’s are about civil matters. That’s why they end up on Judge Judy.
kailsux Said,
lovestoreadhere … totally agree. all you people hating on cock-eye jo need to think about how you would feel if your homeless significant other lived in your parents home rent free, was dating a guy one week, than broke up with him, only to ask for $600 for nothing even related to the baby and than after getting the money, going right back and being like nah, i’m cool i don’t like you, i was just poor that week, i’m going back to the doofy dude. if she doesn’t want to be treated like a hooker she shouldn’t act like one. if adam did that chelsea you people would be shitting yourselfs but because expressionless, monkey face has a vagina she gets away with being a shady ho. not to mention, nothing is ever her fault, she thinks she knows everything but yet is either always having some sort of mental breakdown. if she doesn’t want jo to feel used, she needs to get the f out of his house and stop asking for money, free babysitting from his family so she can work 3 jobs, food and a roof over her head. the reason shes so ungreatful is because i’ve yet to see her earn a damn thing. her mom, who she acts like is so mean to her, gave her a car and is now giving her a place to live and jo’s family has apparently supported her and paid for isaac every step of the way. did she ever stop to think she was the problem and not everyone else. this whole crap about jo and the drug use is just stupid. she’s lived there and known him for how long? i’m sure it’s not as much of a surprise to her as you all are taking it. he might not be out getting a masters degree but at least his son is paid for and at least he’s WITH his son.
Dnay Said,
Suzi had the crazy eyes when she went in for “the stuff”. Do they ever think they will get the BABY back at this point?
H Said,
@ the2V’s- you are an idiot. You don’t think the doctor would notice clubbed feet when she was born? That is something you are BORN with. You don’t think hip dysplasia would show up on the X-rays they took of her legs? Neither of those cause Hypotonia (low muscle tone). Hypotonia is not a disease, but it’s a symptom and she clearly has it. Just like her short limbs (which aren’t cause by clubbed feet either). You spent hours figuring this out? I spent 5 minutes thinking about it, and it was obvious to me that you are a moron.

AND I figured it out without a plasma TV.
SimplySarah Said,
When Kieffah had the blowout he looked eerily like Lou Ferrigno as the Incredible Hulk. I am so excited for their Jersey road trip! However, as a Garden Stater myself, I get the feeling he’s from South Jersey which won’t be as entertaining to watch them visit.
Corrie Said,
TOTALLY agree with @kailsux

Jo is nowhere near the scumbag that Adam is. At least he works and provides for his son. Kail, however, is ungrateful and clueless. If she was such a badass, she would have first paid Jo back the money she borrowed, got her stuff out of Jo’s family’s house (AND THANKED THEM FOR SUPPORTING HER) and THEN told them she was moving on with her life (with the goofy guy).

And Suzi strolling in Janet’s house demanding Kail’s things is ballsy…umm ’scuse me…but where were you when your daughter was homeless??? Un-freakin-believable.
kerry Said,
No one can deny Kail is ungrateful and lacks a level of foresight. But that doesn’t mean she deserves to be berated at every turn when she’s trying to do the right thing busting her ass with all those jobs on top of school. For all the $ Jo likes to say he makes he’s still sitting up in his mother’s house hanging from her teat rather than showing he’s trying to be independent. For all his common sense he’s still the one with drug charges. Losing.

The only thing Kail’s done wrong in Jo’s eyes is date other guys, which, last I checked wasn’t wrong to do when you’re single. If her dates interfere with Isaac’s needs then address that. But he can still do that civilly. IMO he’s probably resentful that Kail can move on when he’s stuck there with an attitude/mouth/lifestyle apparently only a mother can love.
Ba da ba ba I'm lovin it! Said,
I loved the part about Adam ” He’s such a tool, he makes Ryan look enthusiastic”

lmao! So funny! I hate Adam so much, Chelsea must have some real bad self esteem if she keeps going back to late LOSER! Ugh.
Joanna Said,
@PyschoCML I am almost certain Kailyn and Jo live in Pennsylvania.
Carmella Said,
So I had read that Suzi’s boyfriend assaulted KAil while she was living there. Wonder if that will make it to TV.
So glad you caught the glamour shot. I think she is naked in it. Wonder if wallets were made?
Seeing Jenelle walk out on her baby hurts my heart. She is such a cold piece of crap.
Leasha Said,
i’m surprised no one mentioned how Leah says “geneticist”. Especially the first time she said it, she had emphasis on the last syllable like she wasn’t even sure if the word existed. Then every time she said it afterwards she had a little pause like, “The doctor thinks we should see a geneti..cist?” Pretty cute, in a West Virginia redneck kinda way :]

Why is Jenelle even on this show? Keep Barb on but for the love of God someone shoot Jenelle! The show is “Teen Mom 2″, not “Watch Me Go Out, Get High And Choose My Boyfriend Over My Child While My Mother Takes Care Of Him”.
Janet Janet bo Banet Said,
If I remember correctly, Suzi was a drug addict, did a stint in rehab and when she got out she lived with her boyfriend. This is why Kail lived with Jo’s family.

Jo probably doesn’t want Isaac living at Suzi’s; Kail couldn’t even live there so it is certainly unacceptable for a baby (who eats dirt there WHILE SUPERVISED). This could be why he is fighting custody. I think maybe Suzi was only babysitting Isaac while Kail was on her secret dates with Jordan. Kail knew Jo would never know if Suzi was the one watching Isaac, instead of her. Kail was desperate, and she saw her mom being ok with Isaac so she is gaining a little trust and thinks it might be ok to move in there (she is desperate/homeless), but Jo is further removed from the situation and can look at it logically.

I feel so bad for Jo and his family (Jo & co.). They have done so much for Kail and this is how she acts.
Natalie Said,
@ IBB Rocks! – I am glad I am not the only one who saw all the smoke spirals in Jenelle’s car and totally knew she had a big joint waiting for him when he lumbered his loser ass into the car! He can’t get a job, yet he always has ganja!

Grrrreat recap, as usual, Patrick!

If you look closely at Barb and Jenelle, I can totally see the resemblance. In 20 years, Jenelle will look JUST like Barb. Priceless! I feel so bad for Jace tho – he just wants his mommy to pay attention to him and she only seems amused by him when shes stoned. I agreed w/ Barb on the rule of not taking him anywhere and agree w/ the poster who pointed out she is stoned out of her mind 80% of the day. She shouldn’t be driving that baby ANYWHERE.

I think the only reason Suzi let Kail move in was bc she must no longer have the “boyfriend” she used as an excuse in the 16 & pregnant episode. I think Jo and Janet must be Suzi’s dealers. That is how they have that nice ass house and are able to control the situation because no one else would let him just KEEP the baby. Kail didn’t even seem to CARE that he was holding the baby hostage for $600. But – he is probably better off there. In Kail’s mom’s house, Isaac had a crappy little pack n play and no toys, and at Jo’s house, he had a $1000 crib w/ nice sheets and stuff.

Chelsea, Chelsea, Chelsea. She is a good mom, but she is a teenager and therefore not mature enough to know or understand she CAN make it w/out that MORON, Adam. He didn’t just make Ryan seem enthusiastic; he makes Ryan look like Father of the Freaking Year. At least Ryan likes Bentley, or acts like he does in front of the cameras. Adam tho – What a LOSER/TOOL/DOUCHE – I HATE THAT KID!!! Daddy the Dentist needs to grow a pair and take a sledgehammer to that loser’s kneecaps, or the car he is always “working on”.

Leah and Corey – I was so happy when Ali rolled over! I think she has Turner Syndrome. It didn’t occur to me until she was lying on the Dr table w/ no shirt on and the Dr was talking about her short arms and legs. But, I am no Dr.

http://genetics.emedtv.com/turner-syndrome/symptoms-of-turner-syndrome.html

I do hope their wedding is televised. Her dress was gorgeous and she was so cute trying on dresses being all giddy.

Can’t wait to see what Barb has to say next week when she discovers her little bitch of a daughtah look her credit card to Jersey! (Hope Jenelle knows she can’t make left turns there).
rikcrik Said,
Some background on how doctors get “casted” on reality shows. The production company calls the clinic and asks if they can film the appointment. The clinic decides for the doctors whether they will appear or not. Because hospitals and clinics are for profit, they need publicity and Teen Mom is incredible free publicity. I just think if you put a few good, though not camera-friendly, doctors on TV, they seem distant. If I showed up to work one morning and my boss said I was going to be on Teen Mom, whether I liked it or not, I wouldn’t be happy about it. If Leah and Corey want supportive doctors, then go to an appointment without a camera crew. You can tell the hospital staff just wants to give the parents the diagnosis and get the hell out of there asap. And you know the word ‘malpractice’ is lingering on their mind the entire time. We’re obviously also not seeing the entire story. Every appointment is getting boiled down to a 30 second clip.
I agree Said,
I agree with everyone that thinks Kail is an ungrateful person. I do not agree with how Jo speaks to her, but you have to put yourself in his shoes and see that he’s probably beyond pissed and aggrivated at this point with all her BS. Again, doesn’t mean the way he speaks to her is right. Jo may be an ass sometimes, but he does have a job and he helped Kail even though he had no obligation to pay for her school, and always spends time with his son. His family has every right to be pissed and stand by their son because she did “do him dirty”. Kail needs a reality check and QUICK. If it hadn’t been for Jo and his family, she would’ve been on the street a LONG time ago.
B Said,
@Kittykat – I feel bad for Kail, too. Jo is verbally abusive and if Kail ever does anything he doesn’t like, he starts calling her a whore or worse. I think it’s total BS that Janet says, you are like my daughter. But then if Kail ever does something the family doesn’t like, Janet sides with Jo and scolds Kail. I wonder where Jo learned to act? Kail has been wanting to move out, but she can’t afford it yet. Thank God Suzy finally stepped up. Maybe she is doing it only for the money, but I’m glad Kail is out of Crazytown.
Little Suzy Said,
@PsychoCML, if one of the kid’s parents has him, the other parent cannot have the cops come and remove the kid without a court order. They both have the right to custody of the kid. You have to do is go to court and have the court order joint custody before you can ask the cops to enforce anything.
alwayssunny Said,
so, has anyone else noticed how the comment section of teen mom recaps gets soooo serious lately? kinda takes some of the fun out of reading the hilarious recaps i think. just saying people, this is ibbb not cnn (and thank god for that).
Penelope Said,
Jo and Janet are both a couple of hood rats, I don’t see why anyone likes them.

Kale should have gone to the police station and told them that Jo and Janet stole her clothes (which is the truth). She then should have told them that she knows where her things are and then left it to the cops. Not only would she have gotten her stuff back, Jo could add to his growing list of felonies. Cops hate domestic disputes, but handling thefts is routine for them. Easy peasy.
mandi Said,
@Natalie : I don’t think she has Turner’s, although it is a good guess. My daughter was tested for Turner’s so I’ve done a ton of research for it. Most children with Turner’s have some pretty serious heart issues, which they’ve never mentioned (doesn’t mean she doesn’t have it). They usually have other health issues, sometimes only 1 kidney, etc. Hypotonia can be indicative of many other syndromes. My daughter has a piece of her 18th chromosome missing (18q-) and she has hypotonia because of it.
hahaha Said,
@the2vs, I love that you were able to diagnose the girl, just by your plasma tv, and a couple hours, yet in 8 months no Dr has been able to?? I agree with H, you are in fact an idiot!
Loveeee the recap Patrick! You are hilarious!!
Natalie Said,
@alwayssunny: I agree! I love your comments.

@mandi: Thanks! I just hope someone can diagnose her soon!
IMsarah Said,
Im pretty sure it can be seen better in another scene, but in episode 7 when kail is giving isaac to jo’s brother to babysit him well she goes for her “second job” interview, there is a picture similar to chelsea’s, with Kail holding isaac.
Lynn Said,
Kail and Jo are both dumbasses… Kail because she didn’t realize how good she had it in the mansion, free babysitting, her babys father has a job and actually takes care of Isaac, and never said thank you to anybody( she’d be homless if it weren’t for Jo’s parents)…Jo because he treats women like shit, and everytime Kail didn’t do what he wanted, call her a whore…way to be a man…

Adam is just a big piece o’ crap- Chelsea needs to take him to court for child support and custody (not that Adam would actually WANT to take care of his own daughter)…

Whoever said that Janelle looks exactly like Barbara is dead on…a few wrinkles, glasses, and a blue shirt, and you got Barbara Junior…

I like Leah…she put her child ahead of herself and Corey, and is doing the right thing by getting a second opinion, although i think those doctors she’s been going to are horrible… bring the baby to Childrens Hospital in Boston…

Great recap as usual, IBBB!
Rayyyychel Said,
@Lynn I’m pretty sure Adam does pay child support. I think Chelsea said in an episode that he is behing. Shocking, since he doesn’t have a job or anything.

@katie dang it!!! I knew they would incorporate camo into that wedding somehow

Jo and Janet and Junior are all hoodrats, but at the same time, Kailyn is not very gracious to them. She should’ve moved in with her mom a long time ago.
Blur Said,
You know the reason that Barb is always wearing blue is because she works at Walmart. She slices up sweet sandwiches in the Southport Walmart’s Deli.
Elizabeth Said,
Remember how Jo used to never speak?

He was bound to blow up at some point between all of the completely shitty things she did to him. She lied straight to his face, his parents faces who were not only letting her stay with them actually taking on a parent role for her. She acted like she was going to try to work things out, so she could use him more.
I personally LOVE IT when he tells her how it is.