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Harriet Carter Product of the Week: Sexcuses
The Magnetic Pad – Are you tired of “doing sex” with your husband? Have you used “time of the month” excuses at least twice a week since the late ‘80s? Did you think your cheap flammable lingerie (pictured above) would turn him off so that you could finally get a nice nights sleep free of penetration? Well if you’ve run out of excuses to “quit the banging” does Harriet Carter have the product for you! Take a peak at the “Magnetic Pad.” Finally, science put to good use! Simply place this (more than likely) future cancer causing highly charged magnetic field on you bed, awkwardly lay sideways, and presto chango your legs are virtually glued together! So when your husband is looking to take a walk in the garden, if you know what I mean, (spoiler alert: I mean sex) you don’t even have to rack your brain for excuses you just need to point towards the pad, shrug your shoulders, and simply state “science.” You’ll be sleeping like a baby in no time and he’ll be humping that long body pillow you bought him for his birthday until he’s dry-heaving over the side of the bed and screaming for God to pluck him from this miserably heartless world. Ladies, please note that after countless months of using the Sexless Pad your husband may begin to foster additional ideas. It is vital that you change things up once in a while and place your fat ass on the pad as he is less likely to have frank discussions with you about “entering the property through the back door.” The “magnets” can keep that closed as well. And be on the look out for a “mouth pad” and “hand pads” coming to a Walgreen’s near you in Spring 2011. “Magnetic Pads: Because Only Science Can Stop Him.”
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Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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harriet Said,
LOL @ Magnetic Pads because only science can stop him lmao.
Sooooo happy Harriet Carter is back!!!!!! -
Joanna Said,
This is related to nothing, but I want to point out that it has been a long time since you referenced Donna Martin being pushed down the stairs by one Ray Pruitt.
And there are few things I love more than 90210 references in an IBBB post.
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Suzie Q Said,
I love it. Not the pad but that you brought us back Harriet Carter and these to die for inventions.
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Natalie Said,
Holy Sh*t!
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Little Suzy Said,
totally gross and uncalled for. LOVE IT. MORE!
oh, and speaking of ways you can offend self-righteous crappy mothers everywhere, consider bringing back your critique of kids’ drawings. Nothing says sensitivity like picking on crayon sketches!
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Stacey Charter Said,
ahhh the kids drawings. I think that’s how I first found you Ibbb all those long years ago. PS: if you tilt your head just right, you can see her hoohah.
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Stacey Charter Said,
you all totally just tried it didn’t you?? LMAO
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kerry Said,
yes i did stacey. thanks for that. Lol
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Little Suzy Said,
you’re damn right I did, stacey. And I’ma do it again.
