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16 and Pregnant Recap: Markai and Her Pringles Spit Can. All Normal.
It’s time for another touching episode of “I Just Finished My Quinceanera, Haven’t Had My Period in 9-Months, and What is This Falling Out of My Vag?” Catchy title. I like it, I’m committing to it and I hope you do to. I thought this was going to be the “Some rumble in the jungle” crapisode, but apparently it wasn’t. Anydialted, here’s what went down last night”
- Markai is a, you guessed it, 16 year old girl who’s found herself “with child” thanks to her boyfriend, James, who I’m still trying to figure out. According to Markai, James is a “white dude with dreads.” Thank God she said it so that I didn’t have to. More importantly, James will now only be referred to on this here blog as “Big Mountain.” Applause to those of you who are on the same page as me.
- Markai’s mom, Sarina, is a no-nonsense mom who was a teen mom herself and is grilling Markai and Big Mountain about how they go pregnant in the first place. Big Mountain admits that they never used condoms because “condoms be all in the way.” Yes, they do be. However, you want to know what else “be in the way?” A baby.
- Big Mountain thinks the baby is going to love them whether they give it all the gold and jewels in the world or not. I’m guessing they’ll be focusing more on the “or not” part.
- They’re giving Big Mountain subtitles, but only some of the time. The rest of it is like Mad Libs for me. I’m like did he just say, “I’m mature when I POOP because the baby means the BOOBIES to me. I’ll always be with DINKY and we’ll never break up or go to bed FARTING”
- How come they didn’t discuss more of his fear of spiders, like how they need to check the park benches for spiders and how spiders are ending up in his hair?
- “I’m gonna take care of mine.” Did they get that quote from their “Quote of the Day Ricki Lake Calendar?” Because they’re all using it a lot. Go Ricky! Go Ricky! Go Ricky! Go Ricky! I miss her.
- Markai’s mom gives them a talking to about how she doesn’t want Big Mountain to come to the house any more empty handed. Speaking of “handed” whats up with his crazy long coke-nails? Gross. It’s worse than Regis. The mom has a point though and while she keeps saying her daughter is breaking her heart at least she’s being real about this. I like her. Me gusta Sarina. I keep waiting for a rumble in the jungle but, alas, nothing.
- Does Big Mountain kind of talk like Grandpa Situation? I can’t keep a static thought at this point. Cabs are heeeeah!
- Wait. Stop the press. Markai has become what the doctors call “a spitter” in which she has to spit into a Pringles container every 2 minutes. I’m sorry. I’m sorry what? Maybe if she just stuck to “spitting” she wouldn’t be in this mess. Also who has an abundance of Pringles containers laying around the house? I see red, I see green, I see blue. I see dead people, but that’s another story for another time. Also, she likes to eat soap. Her doctor says it’s normal because it has to do with your blood levels dropping so she’s writing a prescription for her. Um, I feel the need to drink endless beers and eat a ton of chicken sandwiches. Call me in at Walgreens? Thanks.
- This poor couple. First, the crib breaks…then he can’t get job at Dairy Queen or Burlington Coat Factory…and then the car breaks down. You know who I feel the worst for? The baby. I’m kidding. I feel the worst for me because I’m forced to read sub-titles in almost every scene and I know I’m totally missing trashy chachkes (see: knick-knacks) in the background.
- Are there more pencil drawings in this episode than normal? Discuss.
- Later, Markai finds out that she can’t take her veterinary classes at school because when you’re pregnant apparently a rhino can eat your baby. Who knew?
- Time for the baby shower! Well I guess a t-shirt and jean shorts it is! Why dress up for the cameras? Big Mountain heads outside with his friends so they can all complain about how adults don’t understand how hard it is to get a job….at Dairy Queen….or Burlington Coat Factory. Yeah it is tough. You know what may help? Pick up your pants and don’t walk into the store with an MTV camera crew. Both things scare people off. Ugh, it’s like his pants are on the ground, pants are on the ground…lookin’ like a fool with his pants on the ground. Someone should write a song about that. Sweet Sixteeeeeeen!
- Later, Big Mountain has been spending time on Myspace and is ex is trying to get back with him. Markai finds out about this and they get into a fight about it until Markai takes her Pringles Spit Can and leaves the kitchen. More importantly, who the hell is left on Myspace besides pedophiles and web-cam girls? Myspace is like the strip-mall of the Social Networking world.
- I’m really into this medical condition of “spitting into a Pringles can.” I feel like A&E needs a reality show about it. It should come on directly after Hoarders. You’re welcome.
- Seriously, half of this episode is pencil drawings? What the F?
- It’s birthin’ babies day! 4 hours into labor she’s puking. Is this normal? I didn’t know that happened. I knew you did Shasta McNasty all over the place, but didn’t know you puked. But, she pushed through (see what I did there?) and ended up giving birth to Lil Mountain.
- After a few days in el hospital, she heads home. Her mother won’t let Big Mountain stay there and kicks him out at night. She ends up calling her dad for help (who is a whole other story) but in the end her mom changes her mind and lets him stay in the living room while he looks for work. However, the happiness is short lived when Markai had to spend all her money on a new car. Well that sucks. She should sell her breast milk for money on Craiglist…just saying. Or, I’m sure Farrah could have give her a few tips on how to get some great car deals online!
- Markai heads back to school and Big Mountain’s ex tells Markai that he cheated on her and they didn’t use a condom. Yum! We learn all this though a pencil-sketch of some stock market graph.
- Markai is all freaking out and she and her sister are driving home from school and she pulls over on the side of the road to scream at Big Mountain as he’s just aimlessly walking. They “break up” and she says he’ll have to fight her for custody…yeah I don’t think that will be an issue. I’m pretty sure when she walked back to her car you could hear him singing “I’ve got spurs that jingle jangle jingle” in the background.
- Later, Big Mountain and his friends are all sitting on the porch talking about how he’s changed and isn’t a ho anymore, but is still having a hard time finding a job. His friends seem to think it’s because he’s a white guy with dreads and they recommend he pull his hair back into a “Billy Cyrus-like” mullet. They all have a good laugh over this. I honestly have no idea what in the hell they are talking about as even the sub-titles aren’t making any kind of sense to me.
- Markai and Big Mountain (and the baby) are all in the car and end up getting into a fight. Once again, the discussion centers around Big Mountain’s cheating and Markai tells him that “you can’t turn a ho into a housewife.” Oh yeah? Just tell that to Kim Zolciak! Anycrap, they end up getting out of the car to bring the fight into the parking lot. There is screaming and throwing of things and then Markai starts screaming and takes a swing at him that lands directly on his face. This is all taking place while the baby just sleeps in the car…alone. Looks like we found the perfect mix of Farrah and Amber & Gary! Someone call Debra and tell her to bring her set of butcher knives and trash claw to deal with these two!
- In the end, Markai’s dad calls to pick her up and take her to brunch…he gets driven there…is he drunk? I wish I was. He apologizes for not being there for her and then they just kind of leave and she goes back to work at the supermarket. Am I on an acid trip?
- Markai and Big Mountain try their relationship again. I’m sure it will work out. It seems like it was running smoothly this whole time.
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Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!
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I heart IBBB Said,
Spitting in a pringles can – WTF?
LMFAO! I haven’t watched the episode yet but funniest recap EVER! You are by far the BEST THING about Wednesday mornings…
Please marry me!
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seriously Said,
why is it that 99% of these 16 and pregnant girls live in the south or the midwest? it really doesn’t make you guys in those parts of the country look any better, trashy-wise and all. i’d also like to commend james on his madonna-like commitment to that accent. a few times he sounded almost jamaican to me, it was impressive.
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Joanna Said,
I thourghloy enjoyed the use of subtitles, they were very helpful, thank you MTV! I also enjoyed that Big Mountain was unable to pronounce the letter “T.” He has always been der, when she was puking, he was right der! Someone tell him how to get to Sesame Street!
Anyone else catch Markai saying she got pregnant after 2 weeks? Class acts, these two.
Also, sidebar, I read online this morning that MTV is filming a Teen Mom 2 featuring moms from this season of 16 and Preg. Is anyone else as outraged as me by this? So far, no one has been at Amber/Gary level, or Farrah level either. I’m piiiiiissed.
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QT Said,
White dude with dreads, I am glad she said it too. I wasn’t sure how to approach the subject
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Brandy Said,
On her Facebook she admits to having an abortion AFTER her daughter was born!! Seems like they would have learned after the first time. She also admits to being bi-sexual. I wanted to puke everytime she spit in the pringles can, that was just nasty!! Let’s hope MTV doesn’t think these girls should be role models.
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Leah Said,
another classic IBBB! you really need to hired as a writer for the soup or something.
@Brandy- that’s crazy she had an abortion after having her baby! I love watching these shows but the reality of it is really depressing sometimes.
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LisaP Said,
will i EVER learn not to read these recaps at work. yesterday your comment about your mother saying “drive or die babies.” on the way to school made me choke on my coffee and now today, “i’ve got spurs…” i can’t take it. you are toooo funny.
the little sister’s advice without missing a chew of her food – “close your legs.” cracked me UP.
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Jamie Said,
Um, I hate when subtitles distract me from noticing all the goodies in the background!
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Anonymous Said,
Was I the only one who noticed the disgustingly dirty, black footed, white socks Big Mountain was wearing whilst myspacing on a $2500 apple?
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Brandy Said,
Was I watching “16 & Pregnant” or “Is She Really Going Out With Him?” I thought this show was about being 16 and pregnant, but it only focused on their relationship. I had alot of respect for Markai’s mom until she finally caved in and let the loser move in. Did she have that much spit to need a PRINGLES can? yuck With all the soap eating and spit, I’m surprised we didn’t see bubbles come out everytime she spoke!!
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Suzie Q Said,
Why didn’t Big Mountain shave his head get a belt and then try for a job?
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B Said,
There did seem to be more pencil drawings than usual. I guess since the cameras didn’t start filming until 9 weeks before baby mountain arrived? And what the hell was Big Mountain’s problem with speaking English? Were they really filming in Jamaica?
@seriously – I think most of the girls are from the south or the mid-west because places like the north east and California tend to be more liberal. When 16 year olds get pregnant there, their parents might not be dead-set against abortion. If they go that route, they’re not longer & pregnant.
@Brandy – I don’t want to see ANY of the girls from this season followed further on Teen Mom 2. Plus, how confusing is THAT title? I’d much rather see the chick from season 2 of 16 & Pregnant who had twins.
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mama grizzly Said,
Was Granma-to be wearing a pink t-shirt with ‘FETISH’ emblzened in gold press on lettering???
omg omg omg -
Little Suzy Said,
My dear IBBB, the term is “tchotchkes” and you’re welcome, you silly gentile.
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frenchfille Said,
Let’s not get it twisted, Jamaicans don’t talk like that. That is straight up ignorance that you hear. Ok, I feel better now.
OMG to the dirty socks, the spit can and soap and granny’s “fetish” shirt.
Please someone help a sister out – WTF does Big Mountain’s neck tattoo say? I swear this kept me up at night, it looks like a girl’s name possibly??
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Carmella Said,
Oh Baby I love your Way…LOL Big Mountain was the perfect description of him!!! You know he sits in front of his mirror at night practicing that accent.
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HeyDayna Said,
Is it just me, or did they name their baby after a 9/11 terrorist?
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seriously Said,
@B – whatever the reason is, i’m certainly glad that the kids on this show aren’t from the northeast, we have enough stereotypes (i’m from massachusetts). although ,i would like a nice irish/italian catholic girl from south boston to go on the show and talk about how “wicked hahd” it is raising a baby at 16 while yelling about how the yankees suck (they do), driving like an asshole, and just generally being a bitch. that would probably accurately represent all the pregnant teens here.
@frenchfille – i’m sorry i didn’t mean to insult jamaicans. frankly, i’m offended james considers what he speaks english.
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Leasha Said,
i don’t understand the “big mountain” thing. Can someone explain please?
Also, anyone have Markai & james’ facebooks?
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Meagan Said,
Seriously.
I rarely Read these types of reviews, let alone the whole article, but I listened to me Gut and here i am laughing uncontrollably(in an odd way), and unable to tell the rest of the people in here why (cause I lost my voice, for now). I plan on reading a lot more of these articles!
THis is the most well put Article Ever!
High Five =D -
Nadirah Said,
Lmboooooooooo this had me dying.. but seriously spitting in them Pringle cans was disgusting..like really. Then that whole soap eating thig was just.. well SMH. APPARENTY James thought he was the sh*t..but he couldnt find a job at the simplest place .How is your girlfriend working and your not???..but i have to say there baby was cute.Wait what was here name?? Zachriggy,zacharious,bombquesha..whatever.they made a cute baby. Markai seriously needs to get rid of Slim Shady. Man they is so country.
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SimplySarah Said,
As soon as I saw James’ long nails (which, btw, were also immortalized in a pencil drawing), I had to check in with IBBB because I KNEW you had picked up on it!! I also found the subtitles frustrating to deal with. It was like work watching this episode.
And, Joanna- YES!! The “I was der for you” business! I had to rewatch that car scene argument a few times because it was so funny. He was trying to sound so thug but instead he sounds like he has a speech impediment!
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Jacqueline P Said,
omg, the best one yet…
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Anonymous Said,
Funny everyone mentions Big Mountain’s lack of speaking proper English. They are from Florida. That is the NORM for people down here, particularly in the hoods. I was born and raised in the Midwest for the first 8 years of my life but relocated to South Florida after my mother married. And boy let me tell you, I was so appalled by the way people talk down here. Most can’t say there; they pronounce it as ‘der’. So weird. Guess it’s a Florida southern thing. And btw, I am a black girl who was told I talked like a white girl because I knew how to enunciate!
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Rae Said,
And btw, I am a black girl who was told I talked like a white girl because I knew how to enunciate!
you, too ???
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Brooke Said,
I liked how her mother was concerned about her boyfriend sleeping over AFTER he’d already knocked her up. Maybe you should have been more worried about that 9mths ago???
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Suzie Q Said,
I love the second picture where the baby looks like bitch you know you aint studying now gimme that bottle
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Tanya Said,
This episode was absolutely hysterical! I love that you decided to name him Big Mountain, its perfect! I think Big Mountain needs a hearing aid because no matter how many people tell him he’s “a white dude with dreads” he just doesn’t seem to get the hint lol
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Deliciouscupcakes Said,
i’m so glad you noticed the long nails, GROSS! and does anyone else think that if Big Mountain cut off his hair, he’d look a lot like K Fed?
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Steph Said,
OMG they said that after she had the abortion that she’s possibly knocked up again! MTV made her shut down her formspring and shit!
And I read in some trashy magazine that the girl who did have twins will be on the next season on Teen Mom. It will be a few girls from the last season. These girls this season suck!
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Kelsey Said,
Who’s name is on Big Mountains neck? Kemaria?
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Rebecca Said,
Does James have a Facebook?
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Michelle Said,
James neck says Kemaria its his neices name. They don’t have facebooks but markai has a fanpage on facebook.
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Katie Said,
Okay, so is Big Mountain homeless? Or evicted? Markai talks about him needing a place to live.
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Katie Said,
Oh, and right after markai’s mom lets him stay there and he’s talking about looking for a job, did anyone catch that he slips sayin hes looking for a job and hustlin and stuff. Gee, wonder how he’s making his money.
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leah Said,
I wish you would post about last weeks episode (the girl living with her grandma)… I hated her.
