Am I Wrong? Systematic Bullying.

Back by popular demand is another fresh segment of IBBB’s “Am I Wrong?” Sometimes it’s nice to stray away from reality shows and really think about some stuff. Yeah, stuff. Deep.

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• Why do waiters and waitresses think I’m a moron?  “Still workin’ on it?”  Huh?  I’m eating it.  I’m not performing stem cell research on my grilled cheese sandwich.  The only time to ask me if I’m “still workin’ on it” is when I’m trying to figure out the 8% tip you’re getting. Am I wrong?

• There’s nothing that makes me feel like I’m giving everyone at my work the middle finger quite like turning on my “Out of Office” reply.  I love it.  When I’m lying on the beach I imagine all kinds of scenarios where people need to get in touch with me and as soon as they hit “send” they automatically get a loving message from me stating that  “I’m currently out of the office without access to email and will reply to your message upon my return.”  I use the word “upon” because I feel like it ups the “pissed off factor.”  I really want to add to it, “…and will reply to your message upon my return…but let’s face it, I’m sure I’ll be walking into about 300 unanswered emails and, well, it’s easier to just hit “Ctrl A” and then “delete” than it is to follow the email chain.  Plus you’re kind of a jerk to me anyway, so I’m definitely responding to you last.”  Am I wrong?

• You know what I don’t have?  Beiber Fever.  Although I did once suffer from “Kat McPhever.”  Am I wrong?

• Who are the people that Tylenol is referring to on their bottle when they say  “those who consume 3 or more alcoholic drinks per day should not take Tylenol?”  They sound fun!  These are the kind of people I need in my life; reckless people who aren’t even allowed to take Tylenol!  And don’t get me going on people who are taking MAOI inhibitors.  Rock stars!  Am I wrong?

• Can you believe they’re already playing Christmas music on the radio?  Yes, yes I can.  You know why I can believe it?  Because they do the same thing every year.  Every single year.  You know what else they do ever year?  Put up Christmas decorations right after Halloween (sometimes before).  This happens.  Why are people so surprised about this?  Spoiler Alert:  Stores like to…wait for it…wait for it….make money.  Yes, money.  It’s a called “the economy.”  Ever hear of it?  If this “early Christmas” could get us out of economic doom and gloom I’d be fine with putting up the first decoration in March.  And why are people always so upset that we basically skip right over Thanksgiving?  If the pilgrims slid down my chimney and gave me a bunch of free sh*t I’d celebrate them 2 months early too.  Am I wrong?

Well that concludes another segment of “Am I Wrong.” Am I Wrong was brought to you by “Milli Vanilli’s braids” and the letter “drizzle.”

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