Oct
13

Teen Mom Recap: No, Debra No Longer Looks Like a Felon

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Pull off your braces, crack open some Twisted Tea, and start your very own “sexy-dancing” because it’s the last episode of Teen Mom for the season. It’s funny because I didn’t think it would impact me the way that is has and I never thought I’d feel this way, but as far as I’m concerned I’m glad I got the chance to hear April say, that I do believe I love you and if April and Butch should ever go away, well then close your eyes and try to feel the way you do today. And then if you can remember; keep smokin’, keep swearin’, knowing you can always count on meth, oh for sure, that’s what Butch and April are for!

Here’s what went down on the season finale of Ye Old Teenage Mother:

Amber - It’s been a solid one week so it only makes sense that Amber invites over her new boyfriend, Chris to meet Leah. I mean, hell, MTV even changed his title to Amber’s “boyfriend” when she’s talking to him on the phone so it must be official. That’s like changing your Facebook relationship status for the “rich” and “famous.” I’m surprised Amber is just inviting him over to meet Leah. Geesh. Make the diddler work for it, you know? Gary, on the other hand, is making sure to make my stomach turn one last time as he’s at the batting cage with a Lego helmet that looks like it’s about to pop off his head all whilst his nasty ass crack is shown with every swing of the bat he takes. Although it looks more like he’s swinging a golf club than a bat, but I digress. I just want to move on from this scene as fast as I can and start pouring bleach into my eyes. Meanwhile, Chris heads over to meet Leah and I’m screaming “Run, Leah, ruuuuun!” as he walks up the apartment stairs. By law, doesn’t he need to introduce himself to everyone in Amber’s apartment? Court ordered? This dude is totally creeptastic. He basically has a puppy for Leah to pet and some candy that he just happened to leave in his beat up van that’s parked up the street and she should just walk with him to the van for one quick second because he’s lost…and he needs help finding the way…and if she tells her parents he’ll kill them. Whoa. Child Safety flashback overload. Moving on. Amber’s house is still a complete filthy mess and there are giant sized Dr. Pepper cups left, literally, all over the place (remnants of hurricane Gary). Since Amber has a track record of making award winning good decisions she lets Diddles McGee move in with her an Leah (run) since he’s fresh out of jail and doesn’t have a job anymore. Better yet, she lets him borrow her car or the “Diddler Mobile” as the police department will eventually refer to it as. The “next day” Leah is over at Gary’s mom’s house where she is playing on the front lawn all with an old-fashioned Pepsi vending machine placed smack-dab on the lawn. Makes sense. Gary is on the phone with Amber and questioning her as to why Leah is in dirty clothes and has scrapes and bruises all over her legs. Um, I’ll guess because Amber’s new boyfriend has a criminal record and may or may not be a sex offender (allegedly, maybe not who knows)? I know math isn’t Gary strong suit…or healthy eating habits…or grooming…or anything that isn’t white-plaid shorts…or having employable skills…or being able to say “no thank you, I’m full”…or exercise, but let’s add 2 + 2 so solve this, shall we? After Gary fights with Chris over the phone, Amber surprise attacks Gary at his house and so he goes as fast as his legs will take him,which is slightly slower than a dog with 3 legs and tourettes, and jumps into his car and drives away. At first I was thinking this was going to be a sweet Tom & Jerry game of chase, but unfortunately Amber doesn’t have much left in her meth binge so she decides to head home to Chris. Seriously, why does Chris act like he’s known her for years when he tries to comfort her? It’s like, dude you’ve been in the slammer and we’ve been watching this for 2 seasons so, no, she isn’t the greatest mom in the world. Gary heads over to his friends house to do his own venting about the situation and he tells his friend, “I miss who she was. I don’t miss who she is now.” Whoa, deep! I wonder if he misses how his white-plaid shorts used to fit too? In the end, Gary finally heads over to Amber’s Meth Den to discuss Leah’s schedule and we learn that Gary doesn’t want her boyfriend to change Leah’s diaper. Um, ya think? See, even Gar knows what the deal is. Amber ends up freaking out on Gary, per usual, and flips the hat off his head in anger. I think there’s gonna be a rumble in the jungle (16 & Pregnant foreshadowing, folks). Gary immediately gets up to leave the apartment and kind of slams Amber with the door a few times like we’re watching the WWF. I thought Amber was supposed to slap Gary in the face again? Did this not happen? Did MTV remove the slap, because I did see it over and over in the commercials all weekend. Weak. Amber is now uncontrollably crying (meth withdrawals probably) and Gary ends up coming back over to finish the schedule planning. With Amber crying and crying Leah just looks at her and, literally, says “Quiet. Now!” Amen! How Leah is the smartest person in that room right now is beyond me. Amber and Gary kind of call a truce and we end their segment with some crazy slow motion video of Gary playing the guitar. I mean, awesome. I wouldn’t want it to end any other way.

Farrah - We kick things off with Debra outside of her house digging in the garden. I mean, come on. I’m sure she’s learned a lot of good tips and tricks from her work-release and I’m sure that trash claw can weed like nobodies business! Debra is trying to set Farrah up with her hairdressers son, Julien. Uh, why is Debra doing this all of a sudden? I’m sure she’s probably trying to get Farrah knocked up again to secure her spot for Teen Mom Season Three: Toddler Boogaloo. After Debra sets up a hair appointment so Farrah can meet this kid, they both end up at the salon getting their hair did. When they walk in I’m pretty sure I heard Debra whisper into Farrah’s ear, “Lose the condom. It feels better.” Debra won’t stop at anything for more camera time! As a sidenote, I love seeing Debra with wet hair. She looks like a little wet rat-Who and I wouldn’t want it any other way. Farrah ends up basically asking this dude Julien out on a date with her to his brothers restaurant. Someone must be in heat. Good for her. Their haircuts are done and, HOLY CRAP, both Farrah and Debra have matching half-perms. Brilliant. I’m sorry, what? What did Debra just say? Excuse me? I had to rewind it 4 times just to verify and I’m pretty sure I heard correctly. When Debra’s hair is all done she stands up and says, “I don’t look like a felon now, do I?” and then they all start laughing. Seriously this may be the highlight of the entire episode for me. Debra is now officially up to April status for me. Well, almost. She should have hi-fived them all with her trash claw if only she had it with her. The “next night” it’s date night for Farrah and she tries to explain to Sophia exactly what the plan is. It’s like, are you just telling the camera man or Sophia because I don’t think she can understand anything you’re saying. Anyway, on the date they both order some random peanut-butter-bacon-toast which sounds like it would immediately give me the sh*ts directly at the table. Like, I wouldn’t even make it to the bathroom. I would just let loose right then and there. Anycrap, Farrah is nervous to tell her “date” that she has a daughter. Um, what the hell show does he think they’re filming? I’m sure the cat is already out of the bag. Although Julien does look like he was kicked in the nuts when she mentions she has a 16-month old daughter. Farrah should probably have unprotected sex with him just to make up for it. Later in the crapisode, Farrah decides she is moving into Debra’s rental house two-week earlier than planned and she’s making Debra sign a “privacy” contract. In turn, Debra makes Farrah fill out a tenet application and go through the move-in checklist. Touche! This process starts off all light and fun and it quickly turns into an argument when Debra mentions she prorated the rent she owes since she’s moving in early and will only have to pay half the month. Farrah thinks Debra should knock some money off the rent because some rooms still need to be painted. She has no clue. It’s like, hey Cavallari, welcome to America. These are the rules, dummy. Also, your date colored and curled your hair. Just sayin’. Later Margaret Cho makes a guest appearance, which is a nice surprise, and she’s also dressed like Carmen Sandiego as an added bonus. Cho tries to remind Farrah that Debra tried to murder her and she can’t go back to that. Gee, thank for the reminder. Cho better keep her mouth shut or she’s going to end up on the butcher block next! Later Farrah and her mom have an adult discussion about the whole rent situation and I have to say that I’m siding with Debra on this one and not just because she can literally kill me. Seconds later Farrah give us one last “ugly cry” of the season and even Debra starts crying, which basically consists of her voice going real high in almost like a song-like sound. Interesting and creepy all at the same time. Debra lets Farrah know that she knows that someone is going to love her one day and, in the meantime, Debra loves Farrah no matter what. I’m content with this ending. They hug it out and you can tell Farrah has no idea how to do this because she kind of gives Debra the “good buddy” hug/back tap. Somewhere in the back of the garage Debra’s trash claw is smiling.

Maci - Right off the bat we learn that Ryan has changed the custody agreement by adding upwards of 2 more days to the schedule where he gets Bint-Lee. I’m not technically sure if that’s true as I’m more focused on Ryan, literally, coloring flowers on the place mat. Also, because it’s the season finale, Ryan let out his biggest yawn of the season. This is kind of how I felt about the last 2 seasons of The Hills. I feel his pain. Maci lets Ryan know that they’re going to have to go to court if they can’t agree on this schedule and Ryan thinks that Maci would lose custody in court. Uh, perhaps he forgot that the first year of Bint-Lee’s life was filmed and put on national television and we all saw it? The defense rests. Maci heads home to her parents house to tell them that she and Kyle the ghostly cartoon bulldog broke up and that she’s going to stay in The Nash. Why can’t Maci just move home with them, get back with Ryan, and make all of America happy? She’s so selfish like that. Later Maci gets a letter from, no joke, “Step By Step Divorce Solutions.” Geesh, they leave nothing to the imagination. Did you ever notice how much Maci talks on the phone whilst driving? Oprah would be totally pissed at her. In fact, I might reach out to Maci and make her sign Oprah’s “Phone Zone” pledge. Maci ends up meeting up with her friend for lunch and tells her that she wishes she could have the baby without the baby daddy. So, uh, is she going to kill Ryan or is she going to hire someone to do it for her? I don’t want to wait until the Lifetime Movie to find out. Anyway, it’s finally Mediation day! Hooray! This must be thrilling for Ryan as he is yawning up a storm. They start disagreeing on the visitation and have it narrowed down to an extra day that Ryan wants with Bint-Lee. Maci ends up giving in to Ryan and his yawns so that he can have Bint-Lee for that additional day and she ends up having a little mini-breakdown and starts crying. You’d think Ryan would say, “Fine keep him but you have to give me oral pleasure every other Sunday until Daylight Saving time kicks in.” That’s how mediation should work and is always how I thought it did work. In the end Maci and Ryan quickly talk about getting back together for the sake of Bint-Lee but both decide that it’s not the right thing to do. That’s fine. Ross and Rachel played this game for about 10 seasons. We’ll see what happens next season (which can’t come soon enough). Although if Ryan ends up dating some chick from London and then Maci has to decide if she’s going to the wedding only to make it at the very last minute when Ryan is saying his vows and says, “I Ryan, take you Maci” I’m throwing in the towel.

Catelynn - Yee-haw! Catelynn and Tyler are heading out to West Virgina to meet Carly for her 1st birthday, but first they’re stopping by Tyler’s mom’s house to say goodbye. Does his mom’s tank-top have shoulder pads in it? I totally love how Kim has Sandra’s perm from 227. That, clearly, should never go out of style. If only Kim could start a catch phrase like “Oh Marrrrry!” Seriously, if their whole episode takes place in West Virginia and there isn’t an April and Butch wrap up I’m going to be pissed. Also, I’m in the process of making bumper stickers that say, “Free Butch, Bitch!” and “Don’t Snarl With Darl!” Anyway, once Catelynn and Tyler have been on the road for a while Catelynn gets a call from April who is being all soft and sweet and saying, “Don’t forget about me” and “I love you honey!” Ruh-roh, someone has been hitting the Twisted Tea early in the morniiiiing! They end up stopping for some Mexican food in Ohio. That seems like a great plan with 6 hours left on the trip. If April and Butch were with them I’m sure she’d be in the back seat farting and doing Shasta McNasty all whilst Butch would “dutch oven” himself or “Butch Oven” as I will now only refer to it as. They finally make it to West Virginia and check into the Hampton Inn and call Teresa to let her know that they’ve arrived. This must mean it’s time for the awkward conversation of the week. This is when Teresa says the name Carly over the phone and they all kind of nervously laugh. I always cringe during this part because it feels so awkward. As a sidenote if I were them I would have been like, “Oh, thanks for springing for the Hampton Inn, Tre. I mean, we gave you a human being and you gave us 2 star accommodations with 50% off a continental breakfast vouchers.” Click! The next day they finally meet up with Teresa, Brandon, and Carly. The interaction is so awkward. Honestly, I don’t know how they do it. Cate gives Teresa the shirt that April bought for Carly and Teresa kind of sings “Oh, this is from April” and has a look on her face that suggests to Carly that if she touches the shirt she’s going to take all her toys away from her and put her in a time-out until she’s 12. You know that sh*t is being tossed into the woods before they leave. Was it just me or was it kind of sad watching them with Carly? What must that be like? I give them a lot of credit and it kind of breaks my heart to watch them interact with her. Wow, has my blackened heart started to come back to life? As a sidenote, when Carly makes that funny little “pig face” she looks just like Butch, no joke. Oh Darl. Later at the picnic, Teresa talks to Catelynn about the relationship she has with April and she assures Catelynn that she’s going to be so different from her parents because she’s already making good decisions in her life. Oh no she didn’t! It’s still sad seeing Carly hug Catelynn and study their faces. I feel like Catelynn and Tyler are wondering if they could have raised Carly and made things ok, but now it’s too late. Deep. It’s times like this that really make me miss April and Butch. Oh, and Kim too. And Tyler’s sister! Basically I need my trash to make me feel better right now. At the end of the day they head back to the Bed Bug Inn and finish their scrapbook for Carly. I love how these 17 year olds are like 40 year olds. April calls again to check in and see how her day was and if it was tough on her. Why is she being so nice? Does meth make you sweet? If she keeps up this behavior, I’m going to like April less and less. The next day they give Carly her scrapbook and then they give her one of those recordable books where you record your voice reading a story. Seriously, this sh*t is depressing. Carly is listening to the story, hearing Catelynn’s voice reading it, and keeps looking over at her. At one point she just puts her head in Catelynn’s hand. Do you think that even though she is so little Carly can feel this connection with Catelynn? I kind of feel like she can and I’m sad for both of them. Yowza why am I turning this into an Oprah book club?! Back to the 10 year old jokes. Had April been there during this breakfast with Carly looking at the book she would have yelled out, “Hey, uh, Carly you done with them hashbrowns?” In the end, they all have to hug goodbye and Teresa, Brandon, and Carly drive away leaving Catelynn and Tyler left to just kind of sit on the sidewalk and digest everything that happened. Most importantly, what in the holy hell happened to Butch? Is he still in the slammer? Rehab? Where in the world is Butchy?! They better discuss this on the reunion episode next week. I already saw a sneak peak and it looks like April has to take the hot-seat with Dr. Drew. Can’t wait. Ba da ba ba ba, I’m lovin’ it!

Well folks that wraps that up…until the reunion with Dr Drew and his gray Weeble hair. In the meantime, I’d like to say thanks to all of you that have recommended, liked, commented, and shared this site all over the crazy Interwebs! I firmly believe I have the support of an army of “mommy bloggers” who live at BabyCenter, TheBump, TheNest, TheKnot, BabyZone, JustMommies, and more! If I could become the father of all of your children I would.

IBBB Housekeeping Item: Tomorrow I will have a special Teen Mom posting, which is likely to make you think I am even more insane than you already do. I mean, it’s dumb but should provide a laugh or two. See you tomorrow!

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62 Comments

Craptastic Thoughts from IBBB Readers!

Dirty Darl Said,
AMBER IS TRASH. It’s obvious that her boyfriend is just using her, like the trash bag she is.

And my gaydar says Julien is gay, but it’s not always 100% correct.

I can’t wait to see Dr. Drew call out April next week!
MK Said,
Farrah needs a gay bff to put her in check! I mean he giggles and responded “lovely”. Need I say more?
Anji Said,
First off, I have to admit I cried throughout the Carly/Catelynn/Tyler part of it. Somehow, that baby knew that was her bio mommy and daddy. The scene where she puts her head on Catelynn’s hand really speaks to the amazing bond between mother and child. I felt terrible for them sitting on the sidewalk. It’s like they have to keep telling each other “We did the best thing….right????” I hope the connection with the three of them stay.

In other news, AMBER you nasty Quick Trim whole – you left some creepy criminal STRANGER no only LIVE with you, but change your daughter’s diaper????!!! Oh but you’re a “good mom” boo hoo….B*itch I’ve seen CATS who were better moms! You deserve an ass beating of a lifetime! And stop calling gary a fatass! You are three #4 value meals at McDonald’s away from blowing up again – hell, your fat face alone accounts for 20 pounds. Yep, I can’t stand you.
Anji Said,
**oops, clearly meant to call Amber “Quick Trim whore”.
MK Said,
Sidenote, can we talk about Kyle doing a DNA test without telling Maci? They showed it on the unseen footage special.
Dirty Darl Said,
Also in the unseen footage special was more of Tyler’s sister!!!! And she totally got the mom’s bug eyes!!
MickeyDiamonds Said,
Carly SO understood that Tyler and Caitlyn are her parents! I was puddle of mush during their segment. I almost expected Caitlyn to grab that baby and make a break for it…I kinda sorta wanted her to do it too : )

Where exactly is Amber’s mother?????? Does anybody know??
Joanna Said,
Amber’s mom was on her 16 and pregnant episode, and she seemed actually halfway normal. But she hated Gary. Gary was apparently best friends with Amber’s big brother, who at the time of her 16 and pregnant was in Iraq, so the whole family was pissed that Gar-Bear and Amber hooked up. But her mom was there for all her ultrasounds and the birth and all that, so I have no clue where she has disappeared to. Amber’s brother also, in her 16 and preg episode she went on and on about how he was the most important person in her life, now she could care less? God, I hate her.
Joanna Said,
Oh, and when was this unseen footage on? How did I miss this? Is it on mtv.com? If so, I totally know how I am spending my day at work.
Darl Jr Said,
I cried like a baby @ the Catelynn and Tyler scenes. And thoroughly missed Butch and April = [
K Said,
I loved how Gary put Amber in her place. For once he stood up for himself. Not that I condone hurting other people, I cheered for Gary when the door hit Amber. Gary isnt great himself but at least he sees Leah is a top priority while Amber whores it up with the new guy. I find it funny that her house is finally clean but shes still in bed? Good job being useless trash. I seriously want to smack her for the new guy changing her daughters diaper. Way to be a protective GOOD parent. I’d love to get in a room with her and show her shes not as hard core as she thinks she is.

Cate and Tyler are amazingly mature for their age and handled the Carly situation better than most. I cried for them. When they are ready, they will make awesome parents. I really hope they stay together. Theres lots of love there.
Chris Said,
I saw Gary’s asscrack and immediately thought of you <3
Autumn Said,
I cried during all of Catelynn and Tyler’s scenes. They are such great kids! I also cried watching the Walmart criminal change Leah!! WTF???
Heidi Said,
isn’t it funny how April and Butch’s dna created the cutest kid on Teen mom and arguably the one who will have the least issues? Gary’s Pepsi machine is a strange form of product placement?. Maci should try proactive. Ryan should try some of Ambers uppers.
Dani Said,
That scene w/Carly and the talking book was profound. The look on Carly’s face in regards to her parents said it all. It freaked me out. It was as if she had the knowledge of a wise sage. It’s crazy but she knows that Catelynn and Tyler are her parents and understands why they had to give her up. So bittersweet.
Dani Said,
Heidi – point well taken. I’ve often thought the same thing. I attribute it to the fact that these parents are so dysfunctional that the kids have had to basically raise themselves. They are mature beyond their years and they just get it white April and Butch still struggling to figure it out. And I might add, not doing such a hot job of that.
Beth Said,
Thanks for the shout out! We love you over at the BBC!! It’s nice to see someone who loves Butch and April as much as I do. And by love I mean getting entertainment from thier magically craptasic WT lives.
AHarvey Said,
I too cried during Cate and Ty’s segment…I do believe Carly knew them on some level. The bond between a mother and her child is unbreakable. As for Dan and Roseanne…….I was cheering for a high speed chase “ghetto style!” I was waiting for the choppers and spot lights lol Someone needs to handle that situation, that creepola should not be changing Leahs diaper and dressing her. I did however, love the wide shot of the trash and dirty dishes piled sky high in the sink….NASTY. These two are poster children for birth control! I hope everyone got to see the unseen moments….Gary dry humping Amber in the van, Amber flipping her s&*t because Gary bought 6 steaks (WHO EATS 6 Fing STEAKS YOU FAT @$$!”) and Ambers quote of the year “I didn’t know Pirates like golf…” And last but not least, Gary taking his date out to makeour point in his mommy wagon minivan (Barf!) while Amber screams at him on the phone about choosing someone over his daughter…..again, foreshadowing….cough cough….And I wanted to scrape my eyes out with razors while Maci and her friends repeadatly yell “Single ladies going to ATL!”
rikcrik Said,
Tyler mentioned in the car that Carly is 1 year old and where is Butch? In jail.

I think Tyler turned out okay because of his mom. How Catelynn isn’t sucking on a meth pipe is a complete mystery.

The moments I rewound: Amber getting bitch slapped with the door (3x), Leah saying ‘Quiet, now!’ (5x)

Interestingly, they never showed Leah talking … ever. ‘quiet, now’ Is not an easy phrase or concept for a baby that young. Meaning that ‘quiet, now’ has probably been drilled into that kid’s head for a really long time.

I don’t know if Carly knows that Catelynn and Ty are her parents, but if they spent a lot of time talking to her in the womb, Carly may have some innate recollection of their voices. Then again, she just may have been shocked to see a talking book. If she hasn’t seen a talking book her first year, what the hell can life throw at her next?

What? No recap on Farrah’s insane behavior in reaction to filling out a tenant application? PAYING rent??? She wants Debra to treat her like a tenant, except when it comes to actually treating her like a tenant. Offering that 4 year old the chance to live in her rental house was a huge mistake. Debra should hire a property manager to deal with Farrah. But on the other hand, Debra created this monster somehow.

Re: Amber’s family. If Amber’s brother and mom did not want to be part of the show, Amber may have been instructed to not mention them or call them when the cameras are present. As private citizens, they have a right to request not being talked about in that kind of atmosphere. So as much as I also think Amber is a Quick Trim Whole, I doubt she has forgotten about her family.
Dirty Darl Said,
The unseen footage was on at 8/7pm central last night, before they replayed last weeks episode. It was really good
KittyKat Said,
Seriously, I would marry you tomorrow. <3
Sue Said,
Fitting that Farrah is dating a gay guy who can do her hair. I wonder if Cho was jealous.

Amber seriously needs to get her ass kicked. I loved when she said Leah was at Gary’s so she can finally rest. What? No job, house a mess, WTF does she do?
Elizabeth Said,
Best episode and recap of the season! I was seriously getting sad thinking about it as I got to the end, but hooray for the special posting tomorrow! I can live another day to bask in the glory of April’s meth teeth (or teefs, if you’re Audrina) and Leah’s words of wisdom.
Leanne Said,
Seriously, how does Amber afford rent? She worked at a tanning salon. If she gets Welfare, then she may have subsidized housing. But how does she afford things like her car payment, car insurance, groceries, etc…? I would love to know how much MTV pays these girls.
Maci is a good mom. I HATE how much Ryan yawns. Bint-lee will totally learn that from him. Too bad.
Farrah-WTF?! How is someone really that bitchy? It seems impossible.
I love Catelynn and Tyler. They just seem sooooooo sad all the time. It breaks my heart. I hope they go to college, get good jobs, buy a cute house, and have a couple kids.
I will miss this show.
IBBB-congrats on an amazing season of recaps. You done good, real good!
Rachaelb Said,
I never write to these blog sites, but could no longer control myself.

I cried when Maci cried about losing the extra day with Bentley and cried when Teresa cried when listening to the recordable book Tyle and Catelynn made for Carly.
AND……
I almost spit out my lunch laughing at this recap! Thanks for the many laughs, you are officially the BEST recapper on the web!

Keep em coming….we’ll keep reading!

P.S. I hate Amber..like the rest of the world!
donna Said,
Omg i cannot believe no one has mentioned macis coke bottle glasses! Did no one else think those glasses made her look like a distant relative of kims? lol they made her eyes look absolutely huge!
Rachaelb Said,
Can we also address that not only does Maci need bangs, but Catelynn does as well?
Joanna Said,
The unseen moments episode is posted on mtv.com for those who missed it last night (like me). I just watched it and it is hilarious! Feel free to recap that!
Lori Said,
oh my, where do I begin? rofl
Let’s see — while being subjected to Gary’s ass, I screamed “My eyes, my eyes!” That image is now burned in to my retinas. I may never recover. And DOES he ever wear anything other than Aeropostale? Is he getting money for (bad) advertising?
And “Diddles McGee”? Really? thank you for the belly laugh you gave me!
Maybe Julian will fall in love with farrah and she’ll be happy again.
Nah, I doubt it hahah
Maci .. oh Maci … stay strong girl!
And Catelynn and Tyler, how sad for them. I wondered what was up with April too .. maybe she figured if she couldn’t have camera time in the finale, she could be on the phone several times acting like a mother who gave a damn.
Hmmm, it didn’t work for me!
Joanna Said,
If anyone else missed the unseen footage episode (like I did) it is on mtv.com in its entirety. Please recap that too!
Courtny Said,
Maybe next season, MTV can hire Julien to give Catelynn and Maci some bangs!!

I look forward to reading your Teen Mom recaps about as much as I look forward to Teen Mom.
My husband thinks I’m losing it.
Sarah Said,
Seriously, I am so sad this season is over. I look forward to Wednesday morning for the recap as much as I look forward to watching the show!!! I will miss it so much! I was thrilled to see previews for the reunion last night!!

I truly want to know if there is some type of foundation set up for Catelynn and Tyler, I hope they are making $ from this show, and I swear I’d donate to their college fund if I could!! And Maci too, she stays so strong! I dont know how, first loser Ryan and then little bitch Kyle. She’s impressive, minus her tanner application.
marla Said,
Amber sucks and needs help, mentally. So does Gary, but for other reason.
I kind of like Farah, I just wish she would stop being a b**** so much to so many people.
I really like Maci, I hope things work out for her.
I wish I could adopt Catelynn and Tyler, I’m from Michigan so they wouldn’t have to move far I wish them great success in life, they are far more mature and level-headed than most adults I know.
Jenny Said,
Your recaps are definitely the best! And, the nick Dirty Darl that commented made me laugh almost as hard as reading the recap itself. I look forward to it every week. Can’t wait till tomorrow!
Joanna Said,
This will be my last comment (sorry I promise) but I just remembered that when Gary was in the batting cages my boyfriend pointed out that he was wearing work gloves, not batting gloves, on his hands. Like the kind large furniture delivery men wear. Classic Gary.
KittyKat Said,
Anyone else think Maci’s mom could be April’s non-methed-out sister? Their foreheads are eerily similar, Maci’s mom is just smart and got some bangs.

Also, I love how every preview for every single show this season (including the reunion) features a glimpse of Farrah’s ugly cry. Woo!
KS Said,
“Diddles McGee”? I almost shot my afternoon vice of a Coca-cola through my nose! That has to be the best nick name for him yet.

Love the recaps! I guess I will need to find a new favorite show that you blog about for my weekly dose of humor!

Someone else suggested “Jerseylicious.” After watching it last weekend with my sister, I concur. I do believe you would find more than enough to work with.

Love, love, love your blog!

All the best – K
LC Said,
I thought Maci’s friend was Keenan Thompson and Farrah is wearing her bedsheets dress again, maybe she “made” it with her sewing machine
Jennifer Said,
I admit I cried a liitle when little Carly put her head in Catelynn’s hand. I also cired when I realized there was only 5 minutes left and Butch wouldn’t be making an apperance as he apparently still hadn’t been sprung from the ‘hab/jail.

PS…Where do I order my “Don’t Snarl With Darl!” bumper sticker?
Amanda Said,
As soon as I saw Gary in the batting cage, butt crack hanging out, white plaid shorts, and too tight Aero t-shirt… I think I was more excited for the re-cap than I was for the rest of the episode.

Amber’s new “serious boyfriend of 3 whole weeks” is a chode.

I too would donate to Catelynn and Tyler’s college fund. I am so amazed of how mature they have handled things and the decisions they are making for their futures. They are true examples of how you can still be a productive adult regardless of how F’d up your childhood was.

Maci is still my favorite. I’m pissed Kyle couldn’t handle the relationship.
Steph Said,
I just discovered your blog about two weeks ago, but have been watching Teen Mom for a while now. I seriously stumbled across gold because you are HILARIOUS. I’m sad the season is over because I’m going to miss your posts! Maybe start writing about 16 and Pregnant? Keep up the great work!
Didi Said,
Maybe I’m being really silly with this, but does anyone else think that Cho wants to scissor Farrah? And no, not her hair. Anyway…
Jess Said,
Thanks for the awesome recap!!
Kelly Said,
I just had to say that I don’t feel like Catelynn and Tyler’s meeting and phone conversations are THAT awkward. I think they handle it all really well. I really hope for the best for the two of them.
KimC Said,
You make watching this show way better. Thanks for the amazingly clever recaps. You and Joel mchale make me laugh each week

I too got teary eyed with cate/Tyler. I don’t know how those kids are so strong being raised by two crack heads.
Keasha Said,
Yay, we love you on BabyCenter!! Although, if you were the father to all of our children, that’d be a lot of child support, just sayin’

Great last episode and I cannot wait until next week!
heydayna Said,
Patrick, I happily offer up my womb for your seed. All I need for payment is continued recaps and a “Don’t snarl at Darl” bumper sticker.

I don’t know how y’all can love white trash Maci so much. Between that hideous back tattoo, over-applied tanner and MASCARA mentality, she is surely headed down a dirt road. Also, is she wearing those ungodly plugs instead of earrings? For that alone her judgment should be deeply questioned.

Farrah and her ugly cry make me happy. Also, I think Farrah should go MORE batshit crazy on her mom than she does. Remember, she’s the NUTJOB who wouldn’t put down her knives when ordered to do so by the po-po. Farrah needs to keep that bitch in check.
heydayna Said,
I meant NASCAR mentality (stupid auto correct)
Rachel S. Said,
Alright, I’ll admit, when Gary got so pissed off for Amber’s Walmart boyfriend changing Leah’s diaper, I didn’t really understand why he so mad… but looking back on it, I realize now that um, that guy was in jail, and she barely knows him. Not only that but she’s kind of just sitting around doing shit-all while he changes her and cleans her house? Come on. I get why Gary’s angry, I just think it’s a little steep to threaten taking Leah away once again when they’re trying to settle shit out. I kind of thought for the first time her pitiful life, Amber was finally trying to be reasonable. Probably because her white trash boyfriend is doing all of her shit for her in order to drive her car to Sack N Save for Parliaments. And I also agree with another poster on here (I can’t find it again and I’m too lazy) that she always talks about “I can finally get some rest” when she does NOTHING ALL DAY LONG. How can one get more rest when one is resting constantly? That is a conundrum.

Farrah can really be a bitch sometimes… I don’t get her. She’s so up and down. When Michael was trying to set up that shit in her old apartment she was SO UNGRATEFUL and whining the whole time, and then when he’s helping her with the rent house she’s like, “Thanks, Michael.” She must be bipolar or something. I have no idea.

I really don’t think Maci is that bad. True, she has her faults… the godawful back tattoo, the caked makeup/oiliness on her face (is that even possible?), and the seriously unnatural dye jobs, but she really is a strong person. I mean think about it, we barely ever see Maci cry. Obviously her crying means she really didn’t want to give up that extra day, especially considering how much of a doucher yawn-loving Ryan has been in the past. Sucks about Kyle, though. He acted like he didn’t even care when he walked out! Sheesh.

As for Catelynn and Tyler… sigh. Such a sad, sad story. They are truly the best on the show, and without a doubt the most mature. I think that Maci is mature of course, but I guess since they have each other it makes them even stronger? I dunno. Carly is so adorable. I think my favorite line by Tyler was “We make cute kids.” Well… yeah, can’t argue there.
Rachel S. Said,
Ugh, *why he was

My bad.
IBBB Said,
Holy crizap why am I just seeing all these comments now. I have to admit these crack me up. I’m sorry, I meant these “coke” me up. Butch doesn’t deal w/ crack and either do I.

I also felt like this is the right place to share the news that Star Magazine is trying to break in which they claim that Farrah got a boob job last month. Apparently she went from an A to a C (similar to Catelynn’s grades). Ugh, I wonder if Debra performed the surgery with one of her many knives? Ole!

-IBBB
rikcrik Said,
I heard she found her “surgeon” on Craigslist and paid him up front.
B Said,
Can we talk about how when creeptastic Chris was over to Amber’s and Leah was running away from him, you could see the dead flowers from Gary in the background.
IBBB fan Said,
Please please PLEASE recap the unseen moments.
B Said,
Also, PLEASE watch the clips. PLEASE! And then recap. Especially the clip from episode 9.
B Said,
The web clips, that is.
moooo Said,
Rachel S., I think what bothered gary so much (and disturbed me quite a bit as well actually) wasn’t so much that creepster was simply doing something that amber should have been doing but that he’s a strange man dealing with his daughters private parts. Now, she’s a baby, and someone who isn’t a sicko would just see her that way. But there are sick people out there and amber doesn’t know this guy well enough to discern whether or not he falls in that category. That may be unfair, but when it comes to your child, I say err waaaaay on the side of caution. Its just inappropriate imo. Let him clean her kitchen, she should be changing leah’s diapers. She’s potentially putting leah in harms way bc of sheer laziness. He has no business changing her diapers and her clothes, especially with amber in another room. That really bothered me Once something happens, its too late – regret and apologies be damned. Leah needs Amber to be her mom and protect her since she can’t yet.
Lyssa Said,
Ohh..I love little Leah! what a cutie pie! luuuv herr! ( favorite teen mom baby) awww : )
Leah Said,
I’m so going to miss these recaps :/ They were all classics!
Sam Said,
Season 3 will have DIFFERENT girls…won’t it? And was pretty much like goodbye forever? (((
nmbv Said,
I just want to let you know I have had to stop reading this 5 times already to avoid laughing like a hyena and making my husband think I am mentally unstable- hilarious!
Falon Said,
I cried throughout the Cayt &nd Ryan part, Carly deff. knows thats her parents.